Why Do INFJ Men Always Feel Invisible? 

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You echo my own thoughts that INFJ is much harder for males, as we need to be assertive and masculine, which isn't a strength of an INFJ. Our desire to be relational and keep the peace makes us look weak and feminine. But our minds have very masculine strengths like insight and ambition and creativity. We need to externalise this via art or writing or music to be 'seen'.

For an INFJ male who’s always only longed to be seen, I feel this deeply. I discovered that mindset Lauren is talking about almost by accident in high school. I was taller than almost everyone, but physically felt like I had no presence. In the halls between classes I would get bumped or jostled at least a dozen times in a 5 minute period by the sea of students headed every which way. I was invisible and insignificant, and one day I’d had it. I didn’t know what to do or how I came to this decision, it feels intuitive, but I just decided I wouldn’t get hit. The bell rang giving me 5 minutes to get to my next class, so I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and stepped out. I was calm, I was deliberate, I was intent-not slow, but not rushed-and it was almost like the sea began to part. I moved, willing it to happen, saying in my mind something like, "You will not run into me, make me slow, or step around you. You don’t move me. I move through you." They didn’t seem to pay any more attention to me than before-I wasn’t popular or anything-but for the first time in my life I didn’t get hit after experiencing it almost daily for years. I think I got to class in about 90 seconds, rather than the 4 minutes it usually took. There was no logical reason it should have worked, and I never told anyone about it, but I started trying to exercise that mindset more and more. I’m just glad to know now that there is such a thing as an INFJ, that it’s a type and I’m not alone. Not a freak. It’s good to hear people reflect my experiences and state of being back to me, and to really help each other with the stuff that goes on in us unseen. Being stuck in the vast regions of our big ol’ minds can be a lonely place.

Invisibility cloak is great. When people don't see you. They tend to be who they actually are. Allowing me insights into their mindset and character. As well the ability to avoid certain behavior patterns.

67 year old INFJ male. Youngest of 4. Our father left us when I was 4 and we had to live with our grandparents who were extremely mean. I had to learn to be invisible and hid in my room for many years up to the age of 16. Could not make friends did not fit in so learned to be pn my own at a very early age. I can relate to what you say. Had successful career as a computer analyst still was never understood not even today. I am a strong and independent man but stand alone in the crowd.

It’s weird I feel like most people completely ignore me and that I’m invisible but a select few actually see me and think I’m fascinating. I don’t really get it.

As an INFJ male I've had the opposite experience at parties, clubs, social situations. People flock to me and tell me I look interesting. These situations overwhelm me and I wish I was invisible. I end up sneaking out a back door and go home.

Ive had both ends of the spectrum. But most of the time im social and people are attracted to me. Ive noticed that when i really want to express my "true self" im not liked as much.

An experience I have repeatedly is that when there is a group conversation, and I focus on what is being said intensely while not saying much, the moment I do say something, it is completely ignored. Everybody present acts as though I am not there and they've not heard a thing. Then moments later, somebody else just repeats what I just said and everybody instantly agrees with said person and hypes praise on them etc. I've always found it very strange behaviour, but I see I am not the only one :-). Thanx for these videos, it is really nice to know there are people with similar experiences.

Yeah, I often feel like a lamp

Old INFJ man here. I've learned to stay invisible since childhood. You got it all just right. The less I have to deal with others the better. Not meaning to be antisocial but there it is. Human culture encourages social crap. I guess I'm not human.

I have spent nearly a decade trying to re-write this habit from childhood. The cultural stigma is awful but you're 100% correct about it.

INFJ women too! I had a very similar upbringing as you describe and I learned to “survive” it by hiding or becoming invisible.

Is strange to be at a party and they effectively don't see you and bump into you and don't even say sorry or something

It's interesting hearing about this. My life experience has forced me to overcome the issue of being invisible, though I can comfortably hide myself when I want to. The one thing I do have trouble with is managing my energy levels when surrounded my people. I tend to drain myself since I maintain my presence in social situations. I guess that's more of my defense than hiding in plain sight. This does get me in trouble sometimes as some people find me intense and overbearing. It's caused plenty of work drama, to the point where I gravitate to jobs where I'm often alone. So, instead of socially invisible, I make myself physically invisible. I guess it's hard to win these battles as an INFJ.

I am *INCREDIBLY* invisible to people, however when my personality shines I REALLY stand out. In my college, people ignored me and then after the second week, I really started to stick out. My personality is beginning to really attract people, I have a group of people that stay to chat with me. I don’t really understand it, I find it so odd because I’m not use to it.

Two women who were friends started work at my job the same day. One of them worked in my office for two days and I got her up to speed on procedures when she got stuck on something. They got together for drinks after a week of work and of course, girl talk, were discussing the guys in the office. The other woman asked the woman I trained what she thought of me. She couldn't figure out who she was talking about. Even after several minutes of describing me, she said she couldn't picture me. I only know the story because the woman who couldn't picture me, ended up being my first girlfriend 2 years later.

Hi Lauren! Well, I watched all 11 minutes and 13 seconds of this video. I must say, I completely agree with you! Because of how masculinity is viewed in our culture, INFJ men tend to not be as readily allowed to dawn their "invisibility cloak" in social situations, and so we suffer. As an INFJ male with over 15 years of experience in the entertainment industry, I have had to force myself to work hard on combating this issue. For me, working hard on cultivating Extroverted Feeling has made a huge difference. Indeed, INFJ men are also often stigmatized for being too "sensitive" or "emotional". We would do well to remember that Extroverted Feeling is not just about what other's feel, it's also about setting boundaries, speaking our needs, and standing up for what we believe in. Thank you for this wonderful video, Lauren. By the way, love your book "The INFJ Writer". It has really helped with the songwriting process. Take care!

HUGE yes to overthinking, my brain does not shut off, and as I've gotten busier over the years, I sometimes forget to eat, or just neglect meals. Maybe it's my own personal issues, but I'm guilty of ruminating, and hypervigilance. I'm an INFJ male, I've always varied widely in social situations, sometimes i can appear extroverted, even with leadership ability, but usually I prefer to remain invisible in social situations tbh. Also big yes to chaotic upbringing. Personality is supposed to be inherent, so I don't believe the personality type is created, only shaped by nurture/life experience (positive or negative), but interesting how there is a notable pattern; trauma is also very much generational. so maybe that explains some of why INFJ's tend to have difficult lives/childhoods as suggested on the internet, which can often be passed down inadvertently. I attract a lot of people that will suddenly tell me their life story, without me asking much more than a question or two. When I think of invisible, i feel like that is more along the lines of hardly ever being understood by other people! I can connect to just about anyone one on one, but i hardly ever find others on the same "frequency" (usually people spill their deepest secrets, and usually they learn little about me (it's not even intentional, maybe it's that invisibility thing, it feels like playing the imaginary friend for someone at times, with the conversation mostly going one way. Yes to being steamrolled by people on occasion, opinion not considered or valued, blindsided, and I've attracted a lot of narcissistic people, and yes to being cut off mid sentence; when people do it, I usually let them, it's like an invitation for a rude conversation; i don't really like small talk that much, and prefer intellectual or deep conversations. I've had small circles of friends, but I'm mainly a loner, and from early grade school, didn't feel like I was from this universe :D

I just used this very word to describe how I have felt my entire life. I feel like I see things, and I try to tell and warn others, but nobody hears and nobody listens! It's is though I live behind a very thick glass. I see and hear others, and I even try to tell them what is coming, but nobody sees or hears me! They seem to think I'm strange! I do not have a "messiah complex," but I DO know how Isaiah 53:3 feels; "He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces" And yes, I understand how you describe being "invisible." And even today, I have decided to stop trying to speak about things and simply keep quiet because nobody seems to listen anyway. Except I also have something in me that won't tolerate certain things so when I go from being quiet, to speaking out forcefully on an issue, all of a sudden I'm viewed as this "angry" person! I'm not! I just feel very deeply about certain issues and am not afraid to say so!

Its all about the energy and how you present yourself. Doesnt matter which type you are , people will always be attracted by charismatic/charming and energetic individuals. And INFJs for sure have power to be energetic and charming.Its all about the mindset. Take care.

As a INFJ male in growing up in a rural masculine environment 50 years ago I just felt shameful and faulty to the point of PTSD because I felt different and unable to match up to what I saw around me as the "norm". This led directly to a very painful breakdown in my early 20s. It was only much later when my workplace tested all staff on Myers Briggs I discovered I was INFJ, its wonderful qualities, and started untangling it. You bullies back in school, you have no idea the pain and lifelong trouble you inflicted. As pointed out in The Highly Sensitive Person Western Society prizes the warriors (probably far too much, to a toxic degree) but nature created different types with INFJs perfectly valid and essential to a healthy mix. You are entitled to be you. Society is all about diversity and equality - its a self evident truth. I've gone up and waved my hand in front of the eyes of people ignoring me at parties when I've spoken to them in the way described in this video - ghosting behaviour like that is toxic and very wrong - point it out to them, yes they will ghost you into non existence if allowed - there is such a thing as right and wrong - make it plain when you are at the receiving end of wrong behaviour, it's the only way the world will change. The fact is a lot of the admired warrior behaviour is actually based on deception, aggression, and ammoral behaviour - grounds the constructive, caring INFJ is not suited to fight on - but most people actually are pretty good and care about right and wrong. They are the audience the warriors play too, depending on taking in. They don't like being exposed, but when they "win" by destroying you - why shouldn't the truth be exposed.

I truly am invisible. I was recently part of a volunteer band where a video was being made. The first problem is that I play bass and non-musicians ignore this instrument. I'm only half joking. The strangest thing, though, was that they did six pass-throughs with three camera people each time moving around the band and getting close-ups and medium shots of the singers and band members. There were plenty of times where I watched a camera operator get right up into the drummers kit or park in front of the guitarist but, you guessed it, there was not a single time when any of the camera operators even pointed their camera at me, let alone came over for a shot like they were taking of the other musicians. Three people whose literal job it is to capture images of the moment completely ignored me not once but six different times, like I absolutely didn't exist! I wasn't hiding or hiding behind anyone, just standing there playing my instrument like everyone else. Normally I kind of laugh off my ability to be unseen but I’m having a difficult time shaking this one off.

I present as female (I'm not really binary), and this video really speaks to me. In my FOO in particular, people just talk over me when I'm in the middle of a sentence. It's very much like I'm not there, in a way that feels spooky as hell. I've had better luck among my friends and coworkers (largely because I've started to get angrier and angrier at not being heard, to the point where I end up raising my voice, and then everybody in the room behaves as though they just noticed that I am there). It's reached the point of being incredibly triggery. When people don't notice me, I immediately begin to simmer internally, and if it happens repeatedly with someone, I hold them in contempt. I'm willing to try the energy techniques listed here. Anything is better than this constant, low-level rage.

2:26 safer to stay invisible. Yes indeed

I'm a new viewer of Frank James and he talks about this in some of his first videos, he's an INFJ. You have to scroll down a bit but his sit down videos are fantastic. He talks about the INFJ fade.

Lauren, thank you so much for what you do! Your participation in humanity is so heartfelt, needed and appreciated. Blessings always 💟

Lauren, love your work! Helps me so much👍

Good insights. Exactly me. Makes me so sad. The years of deprivation. Funny how alone one can feel when in the midst of others.

Thank-you Lauren for your insight and advice. I had many "A-ha!" moments when listening to your presentation here.

Wow nailed it! This is spot on for me from the childhood thing to the rest... Good content

OH MY.... this is super ssuuper enlghtening. Thank God for your help. This is just unbelievably comforting. God bless you!

My desire to be invisible was very acute when younger. In school I would aim for middle grades. Even today, as an adult over sixty, I have told people NOT to put me forward for appreciation awards at work. You end up with your photo on the wall. I thought I was the only one in all the world with this issue. Am INFJ.

It's a good idea to stop apologizing. I'm just practicing it.

There are profound insights here about INFJ’s and trauma that I have never seen in another video about INFJ’s or in my reading about INFJ’s. This information fits well with the 2 sub-types of INFJ, as well as the idea that an INFJ can progress from INFJ-T to INFJ-A. This perspective, actually, provides many profound insights and things make sense that never made sense before.

This feels like my life. I have asked myself at times, "Am I invisible?" I will be standing in line, and literally, servers ask the person behind me if they can help them! It is interestingly annoying at times. I am getting better at speaking up and directing focus, but it is work that I find exhausting having to do this regularly.

I don’t know, for along time now I’ve felt broken. I used to be exactly what was described in this video. But after a while I stopped seeing things as my fault all the time and started seeing what others were doing to make me feel that way. I became less apologetic, and kept quiet watching how the people would react after an incident. People started seeing me as intimidating even though I hadn’t said anything, used any aggressive body language, or looked at them in a negative way.

This was very helpful, thx. I've learned to be a bit ambiverted, but my friends who are used to me being "invisible" often don't like this, b/c they are used to me be such a great listener, catering to them, etc. New people I meet really like this more assertive, outgoing side of my personality, and I think I need to accept that my friends who don't see this ambiversion as a position shift are just too used to a steady narcissistic supply that I'm no longer willing to just dole out on the regular

First off, thank you for an amazing book, The INFJ Revolution. This book was life-changing for me! This video also really resonated with me, especially the workplace example. I’ve experienced many times speaking up in a meeting and someone else just talks over me. I am definitely going to try to put the tips you provided here into practice!

I feel this way constantly with many jobs. I recently had been suspected of having autism and have an autistic son, but I also found out I'm an INFJ. I'm finding multiple times, promotions are always skipped but on the flip side, I'm constantly told and heard I can take something and figure it out and very good at my job. It's frustrating! I also find around people that my gut tells me their bad news, I'll accept a "fictions" friendship until the control grab becomes such that I slam the door. I try avoiding social media as well because I'll have days where I'll comment on something-- much like in life I say something and no one acknowledges it. I've blocked people and unfriended, have withdrawn from people around me because of that. Never had answers until learning more self discovery lately. I appreciate this video! And yes, I had a childhood with narsistic parents and one has a severe mental illness.

Feels like for the first time someone is explaining my life so well😂. 🎉kudos to your work and understanding.

I can truly understand what you are saying. For example, I will get in a public transport and the conductors comes around to pick up the fare and they pick up the money from the left and right of me and don't see me or the opposite, they would be asking for two fares from me, like if I now enter the vehicle. Yes! I get the invisible thing with my wife a lot of times. It's like I am not there. 😮

thank you very much. I can remember not only a few but several situations - between parties and getting ran into on sidewalks - so I told people, I would make the perfect spy, because people would overlook me even in the midst of an supervillains lair or on the death star.

Its kinda hard to be ignored when ya got such a deep voice 😅

Nailed it thank you cloak is off

Hi Lauren. This is a great topic. I grew up with a military father who was strict and very angry at home. I was always yelled at. I did my best to hide all the time. Thanks for making this video to help me understand myself.

Heal your emotional wounds, learn to express and be in touch with your own feelings. Learn what your actual feelings feel like, rather than everyone else's feelings. Don't reject healthy masculinity, and keep feeling. Seriously, thinking is knowing, and using logic to process emotions is like chopping lettuce with a serving spoon. That's the literal definition of intellectualizing. Knowing isn't healing, it's emotional bypassing and it's harmful. Healing begins with feeling.

Spot on.

I used to be invincible in the past, however, after being more intune with myself and naturally more confident, i do now get unwanted attention. People i don’t know waving to me etc.

This truly touched me and totally resonated with me, thank you 🙏🏻 (PS! I am INFJ).

So true!

So spot on. I’ve even been invisible when I was the attending trauma surgeon running a code on gun shot wound to the chest. Everyone just was doing their jobs as if I wasn’t there. So bizarre.

I became the opposite as I grew older. I used my humor to diffuse situations and more women were drawn to me because of my gentle strength, empathy, genuineness, and restraint. When angered it’s a bad day for my rival because I’m typically more intelligent, have already found their emotion weaknesses, and can spin public opinion against them since I can read a room and have built solid reputation/relationships with others in the group.

As a SIGMA INFJ in middle 70’s I may be a product of my environment. INFJ to start and not knowing when SIGMA started. SIGMA is “All Encompassing”, it’s used in Math and other areas. But to describe INFJ, it implies a improvement of many other skills that previously may have been dormant or muted. What’s missing is a list of those skills! Knowing might help those with high intuition that tells them something is wrong within them what to work on. Learning best is acquired from experiencing lessons. Having an assorted set of skills and be involved in something that is challenging results in improved new skills. This is how I became a SIGMA. And again I don’t know when this started. High gear learning started when seeking help from FBI in 98. Extreme danger started to present itself in 93 and deciding to seek help from FBI was in mid98. Prior to this point, danger quickly ramped up flirting with the most extreme danger and this continued past when starting with FBI. Danger by itself changed from mostly being extreme physical conflict to more devious lesser physical conflict incidents. Physical danger always exists and knowing how potential volatile opposition is defines how and when to balance the setting. Reading behavior is a valuable skill and intuitively changing direction is another. INFJ’s are Intellectually Combative and combining other skills can make us powerful. Being consciously aware of our power requires being able to control how a tensionous situation is moderated. Although an aspired goal, it doesn’t always turn out as desired. The best skill to have is Reading Behavior and ignoring Words. This says everything!

My nickname was white shadow. Because people could not notice me. Or forget I'm there. I have gown to bars. Felt like nobody can see me. At work I kind of feel like. Nobody notices me. Part of me likes it. Other times I'm almost screaming inside. Please talk to me. I have had people walked into me. Im six foot three. 250 pounds. I pretty big guy. I can still disappear. Sometimes I say something. Nobody hears me. Probably I'm not speaking loud enough. I don't like speaking to loud. I also hate when somebody speaks loud to me. Or when I say something. Somebody says huh loud. Alot of times I get upset. Says don't be so loud. I tend to speak to low alot. Part of it is i only want who im talking to too hear. I have watched people talking about me. Like I wasn't there. I stare at them. They can even look at me. Still not see me. You are right about being in my mind. I'm constantly thinking and figuring things out. Like most of the time. I'm to the point. It will be really hard to get out of it. Alot of times people would run into me. I move completely out of of the way. I spend time paying attention for people who don't see me. I get out of the way.

We like it that way...we can become visible or invisible as we choose depending on the social situation.

I get basically knocked into all the time. Also at coffee shops I do this thing where I stand firm and stick my debit card in the air and make undeniable eye contact with the POS barista. Of course the first thing I hear is the person behind me going: "Are you in line?"

From my observation .INFJ men’s quiet demeanor sets people off.

I'm basically a monk these days, but its terribly frustrating especially if you are very attractive because it intimidates most and they assume they must have a partner, so we are just ignored and we uselly have had a covert narc x sycopath who slanders us because we see who they were and they think we are like them so go insane, its not great, I can see how god just says that's it pull the skys flood it, with infj Noah, already to set sail on top of hill🙏❤️😇

Im an INFJ man and Ive felt invisible my whole life. I never realized it had to do with the personality type. People always seem to underestimate me as well. All of what she said.

I never had someone lay it out like so cleanly but this is what I did as a super power to blend in and out on command. I didn't even know that's what I was doing. I just knew I didn't want to talk so I didn't and if I wanted to talk I did. So some how now I find out about taking up space and don't let people run into me and other things. That I never thought about before now. Like she said I am more in my body. I didn't go against my mom "that much" lol but with others in certain situations I would go against just to see or in other words curious about the other person.

Definitely have been very aware of this with myself. Buuuut...I had a 3 yr time span in which I was very extroverted and had people tell me I was interesting and weird 😂. I have to say this has been both a blessing and a curse. Always was lucky with women approaching me because I was always invisible and quiet but never dare ask me to go and speak to a woman because...the invisibility cloak comes up. 👻💨

As a kid up until my early 20s I wore the invisibility cloak a lot. Because we don’t exude masculinity in the traditional sense, we often get put down and ignored (even by our own family members and you start to question your abilities in various aspects of life) I’m first generation Latino, so I think we struggle even more than your typical INFJ male as we try to navigate traditional males roles at home with modern American roles at school and in the workplace. Combine this with growing up in an impoverished community where intelligence and creativity are not encouraged (you get bullied for being “smart”), it just makes more sense to not draw attention. But sometimes you want to draw attention and don’t know how. As I began surrounding myself with other sensitive intuitive empaths in college and at work, my confidence really started building up. I became more confident in my own skin. I began realizing I am intelligent. I began realizing that I excel in a lot of things I set my mind to. I began to taking up more space, even challenging myself to dance at parties and apparently im great at it (when i go out women look at me all the time and ask me to dance with them). I began to own my opinions and speak my truth, and am often told how insightful i am at work and my colleagues really go out of their way to ask for my opinion when a big decision is being made or to strategize because “I’m able to view a problem from various angles that other miss.” When i talk to people in person they often ask, “how tall are you?” I reply 5’9” and I’ve gotten told a few times something to the effect of , “you seem so much taller, maybe its your personality.” You start to realize that you’ve been very capable all your life, others put you down or question your abilities because of their own insecurities or because their worldview isn’t as nuanced and complex as yours. Most can only view the world through their own tunnel vision , but your curiosity and empathy allows you to view a situation from different viewpoints. You’re a unique individual in a society largely populated by people who don’t think critically or are happy to hop onto the next fad. I will say something that I feel is important but not mentioned in the video. Be careful, sometimes it’s actually you inadvertently ignoring people and not them ignoring you. You might actually be catching most peoples eyes (we can be quirky and this probably won’t go unnoticed)z We’re often in our heads or hyper-focusing on something that catches our attention. This may come off as stand-offish to a lot of people. Some will even be slighted by it (especially those with big insecurities, attention-seekers, folks that need a lot of validation). Because we are often very selective in where we place our attention/focus those with high insecurities will crave your attention. If you don’t give it to them you could make enemies without even knowing it. These are things I believe the INFJ finds stressful but learns navigate with practice. Theres lots more to add this this interesting topic but I think that’s enough for a comment. Lol

Iv noticed my whole life i would have been hanging around people trying to make closer friends with them and someone new would show up and instantly be best buddys with them, even tho i have more in common with them. Or at work people would ignore my ideas until it was too late and the "i told you so" moment

Soooooo True. Sounds like me!

The weird thing about me is that I am an INFJ male and I know how to activate stealth mode but I'm unable to go unseen. Essentially I have the opposite problem. It's like I have an uncommon degree of charisma. Everyone notices me even when I'm very quiet. I go to a restaurant and everyone gawks at me and even when I don't see them looking at me, I feel them. Going to a large school everyone knew who I was even though I didn't know them, kinda like being semi-popular. I'm extremely introverted and keep to myself, yet I have no problem generating curiosity in others. I know it sounds like hey you're not an INFJ. But trust me I am. I took the test multiple times before I knew what any of it meant. Until I did look into and it describes me to a T. Even now I walk into work quietly and everyone knows if I'm there or not. So it's weird.

As an INFJ male i think the issues are 1. Western society values macho which is something an INFJ male couldn't buy into, even if we wanted to. 2. Damage in childhood from feeling faulty in the macho culture. If the infj is lucky enough to avoid that they may be the infjs jere reporting popularity in parties.

I know what you're talking about, I've learnt to switch this on and off, I noticed the apologising for something that isn't my fault and have been fixing that, lately the times this has happened, i just look are them and give the little smile "you're fine ☺️ have a good day" or a joke like "damn I'm surprised you didn't hurt yourself on my stupidly large frame" (I'm 6'2). When I'm around the right or wrong people, the on and off switch effects are multiplied 😂

As an INFJ male I feel like I never get a moderate amount of attention. I either get WAY too much attention to the point of being obsessed over or idealized or I get no attention at all like a ghost who doesn’t exist and whose needs don’t matter.

I feel that way myself. The biggest problem I have is that, when I'm talking to someone, someone else would walk by. And then that person I'm talking to suddenly has to cut out and talk to that other person, even without saying to me, "excuse me for a minute". I find that to be hurtful and rude. Also, it happens a lot when I'm talking to someone and then someone else just comes along; and then that person who comes along will acknowledge the other person and not me. I've felt like I've chosen to be invisible, too. The description of growing up sounded accurate to me. There's a difference between feeling invisible by others and wanting to be invisible from others. I don't mind being invisible from others and there are times when I choose to. But I hate feeling invisible when I talk to others.

I have the total opposite experience. Everywhere I go people stare and try to get my attention non stop. Especially woman it’s nuts

I learned how to move humble because I came up around alot of arrogant people who were friends and peers and it made me reluctant to want to be like others now I'm not the type to just let people do what ever they want but I let people live how they want to in most cases and situations basically like the mindset of "I'd rather move like a boss who u never seen they face" ill let others take the glory that's cool with me I ain't a shadow lurker I just don't feel the need to be shallow

yes

I am INFP and I also experience this. I find most group situations uncomfortable and spend most of my time alone. I am most comfortable in small groups of trusted friends. Imagine what it's like for me to perform at gigs. (I'm a bass player with a local band)

Yes

Ha! “I forget I need to eat....” Absolutely! Frequently I get to late in the day and my hands start shaking and I can’t remember the last time I ate or even what I ate. I’ve actually had to develop daily routines that include food so I don’t drift off into those nether worlds where I do regularly roam.

It's true

I’ve ask people questions and was completely ignored. You really feel invisible.

Both of my parents have (undiagnosed) learning difficulties, and I was just ignored by them, I resorted to being a picky eater to get attention from my mother, as this was the only thing that worked, I was about half my healthy weight, I'm still only 8 stone as an adult. I remember my uncle was giving my older sister maths questions when I was about 6, but I kept answering them before she had a chance, until my mother snapped at me "GIVE YOUR SISTER A CHANCE!" I learned from that moment on that I was to play dumb.

I feel this as a woman too

This is me a hundred percent I fell into a sadness now because I have nobody I want to meet a woman but I would never approach a woman because I feel like I'm bothering people and I don't ever want to bother people I would like to say that's me giving them a lot of respect

This is absolutely crazy. Scary. I am a Sigma INFJ. I had my first session with a psychiatrist last month and I remember telling him that i felt like I was invisible. Walking thru a grocery store I noticed everyone around me but felt like some invisible entity strolling thru them. It is true. In fact some of my passwords for various sites going back 2 years ago have invisible man as part of the password. Finally I hear someone referring to this enigma. This is enlightening as my Psych had no comment. WOW ! But the thing is......I don't want to turn it off. I enjoy being detached from everyone around me. The best company I have ever entertained is myself.

I have kind of a strange set of experiences associated with this. I generally don’t speak much, unless it’s about specific topics I’m interested in or know a lot about or want to know more about, but being a large African-American man everyone notices me. However, it’s a totally different vibe, I get snarls quite regularly particularly in certain parts of the country, jeers and other unsavory expressions. Often times I would prefer to be invisible. In grad. school one girl that liked me intimated a connection between me and “Ghost Dog” a movie from the 90’s I think. I’d heard of it but hadn’t seen it. I still haven’t seen that whole movie, but it’s about an “invisible” urban assassin. I guess that was one positive experience with being seen as unseen. I’m probably going to watch a bit more of that movie now.

Wow 😮...fits me perfectly I'm an infj male...😢

Yes our culture has a part to play as does biology. With the invisibility cloak analogy, men who don’t want attention won’t get it, women will be noticed and given attention, even if they don’t want it. Controversial take: males are biologically wired to visually seek female partners, as a heterosexual INFJ i kept myself small, but observed and felt the desire to see and connect. It’s a different Dynamic for men to be expected to remain stoic and reserved, and only seen when needed. Compliments and validation in life are generally rare for men, even superficial ones..which mean nothing but are an acknowledgement of your existence as a man. So having a humble and introverted nature compounded that invisibility feeling much more for me.

Yes, that’s what I was forced to do. 😿

yea - that's me

I have had a similar experience but I never considered it as invisibility, more as if I was ghost. Always felt like a ghost.

Evil feels us too those that don’t talk could be a blessing too

I'm an INTJ male and I feel the same way.

I'm a bit skeptical. Sometimes people think they've made themselves known, but in reality they didn't at all.

I used to think of it as one of my superpowers, but I would not to be able to control it better. ;)

I have never felt invisible. I was a very attractive person in my youth so I know I was never invisible, however, I know I was ignored and outcast by most. Real INFJ are more often than not outcast for many reasons but the primary reason is spite and envy. Out of their many pathetic reasons given was that I made everyone feel bad about their inadequacy or I refused to validate them and it makes them look bad. Real INFJ are perfectionist and want to be around people that have value and character. Weak people who lack value that you neglected will do everything to make you feel less than you are to compensate. This is why some might feel “invisible”. You are not responsible for their inadequacy. Unfortunately the only way to avoid this is to either fake it or ensure that you have a well established circle of friends. People who know you and won’t turn on you despite any pressure from these evil people. I’m not making this up, I have had some of these people confess to me and apologize for their evil deeds. It’s fucking sad. I wouldn’t have known that there are people out there fixated on destroying me if I wasn’t told about it.

I've always been invisible but, the energies I absorb are so much, being with people fatigues me. So no partying or concerts or other people masses. Just me and God. 😇.

Yes....invisible 😥

Okay so Im an infj and i started off as a beatboxer in my early start teenage that give a some sort fame within my country although it was so exhausting and tiring that i had to cut all the ties with that world. I realised through that time i Created personna through being famous, however i worked hard so much in myself came out of the self through i switched to a Creative job and handle tasks at a time. However by time i learned Adversity, social and emotional intelligence, that i had already in me. Im a 28 year old right now and Im a Brand manager, a podcast Host, still not good with the money that i can, since people cannot seem to understand that, people try to Take advantage of it however i dont let them and cut ties, im aware and i tend to ignore alot of things, im usually quiet in groups, but i talk when there are 3 or 4 people that is it. I did had unstable relationships due the personna i Created on people as a famous Beatboxer however it went by time as being real grew up on me. I have slowed down my pace as i started following my religion and started believing in oness and give away the thought of thinking of uncertainty and now i like being content, Peace and harmony, i do my Best to serve a purpose is to provide free life lessons to people. Already manifested to write a Book at 40 and now im just living in the present.

I have others looking at me, and it always makes me uncomfortable. I keep myself to myself so i think its more with other people trying to be inclusive with me rather than judging me, well, i hope so anyway lol.

I think deep down we want to be invisible if we admit it or not. I know I do. You attract who you are.

Basically we live in a crappy SJ world. I can’t work out why INFJ are not seen more? as an enigma. Maybe some do see us that way, but I suspect most just misinterpret us and write us off as weak, boring and/or unsociable.

Which Superpower: Invisibility or Flying?