Hi Jonathan, thanks for responding to my comments 😊. I would love a conversation on the phone with you, but, I'm not really in your demographic. I am in a long-term relationship with many complex issues, mine and his. We are long distance, we both have fear of intimacy, we are both quite independent. Yet we find ourselves together and somehow find we feel at home with each other while we still have the nervous excitement of a new relationship simultaneously. We have our challenges, but we communicate extremely well and continue to grow, individually and together.I do get a lot of helpful information from your site so,again,thanks for your help with relationship dynamics and mind set, women today need all the help you can give.
Yes let’s talk about how men always say we want the 20% but do absolutely nothing to reach that and just complain about us. Also I’m working on myself everyday but when I’m sweet men take advantage of my kindness so I’m really over dating
So I don't mean to offend anyone but because I'm a Christian woman this advice may not be for everyone. You cant be all things to everyone so I'm not going to try and be likeable to a man I find attractive. I will however be the best I can be of me not dwell over childhood trauma but remember the lessons from bad experiences forgive all in their ignorance, whom have hurt or neglected me, use the lessons to examine the good from evil souls making myself ready for the man who feels the same until God brings us together 😁 have a fabulous day people!
@@lindalin5998 I can relate to your experience but I go straight to the word and I don't rely on people who use the bible to manipulate others but challenge them with true scripture. There are people who want to know God and I like making myself available to them when they have questions. Church doesn't dictate to me what to read or not read.
@@lindalin5998 Your statement is similar/ sounds like the below rant. "Hey people, I had bad experience with the teachers, from the school I went to, as a kid. So please don't send ur kids to school. Schooling is bad"
I think the main issue is that people are often not healing their childhood issues and they are also bringing their issues from previous relationships with them. All that crap often makes them very cynical and emotionally unavailable. I keep meeting lots of men who are emotionally so unhealthy that they can not cope with woman who constantly changing and working on themselves. It is quite difficult to see how much some of these guys struggle and still not willing to do therapy and/or sort their baggage out.
I know a women who has 3 children. I overheard her speaking to someone. She was desperate to get a place to live. The friend asked her why isn't her partner helping her. She said something along the lines he can't be bothered. Yet she keeps popping out his babies. Totally crazy. I felt sorry for her because she seemed not to have any awareness of what a healthy relationship is. 99 percent of people are dysfunctional.
@@Coach-Daisy hi. I need you to understand how both ignorant and hurtful your statement is. Abuse has drastic effects on the mind especially during stages of development, and can warp your perception. Please stop thinking drugs are the worst thing ever and make people subhuman. They don't. People on drugs deserve a home, food, water, clothes, and rehabilitation,too.
Its always been this way. Men get by with so much and women get tired of putting up with it. Being married can make you the loneliest person on earth. In my experience I was left alone all the time. They never cared about my feelings and God forbid if it was that time of the month they would completely ignore you as if you had no worth if you couldn't be sexually active. I can honestly say that my experiences with men have not been good. It basically comes down to sex. The males I have been with in my life were basically just in it for sex. Men could care less about much else. They just put up with you until they get the prize. In between time they pretty much ignore you. Then when they get totally bored with you they start having affairs and next thing you know they come in wanting a divorce so they can run off with their new prize. Its very true what you said that women can't count on men and we have to rely on ourselves which makes us more independent and less dependent on them. They don't like it but they create it.
Women need to have the men put in the work as well. Way before sex is introduced. If he’s not willing to put in the work for several months then he shouldn’t be rewarded with sex.
@@imalimabean6686 I disagree. Once women wanted to be treated like humans in general in society, to either not get married and work, then it gave men a license to treat women romantically like shit.
@@imalimabean6686 Men have been cheating since books were first written & it was recorded. Seriously read history books, even the Bible, men have been terrible from the start with women being blamed for their terrible. This isn't new.
You're saying absolute facts in this video. Also, maybe I am more "masculine" than I used to be, I call it assertive. It's because I have had to be to survive. I've been 100% independent always as an adult. Always worked. I continuously meet men for dating who are in their 30's and still live with their parents. They act clueless when I'm stressed out from work sometimes. Because they have no idea what it's like to be a fully functional adult. Mom and dad still support them and they're totally fine with that. I need to start upping my standards. Not trying to bash men, it's just frustrating.
I was raised to be very independent by my mother. She encouraged not rely on men and to not trust them easily. Agree subservient. A Stepford Wife. These aren't emotionally or mentally healthy men. Dominance power and control.
And respect. If men respected women, they wouldn't care if women gave them sex easily or not. So, if on one hand, I do think that women are to blame for giving sex too easily and/or too soon, on the other hand why should men treat us poorly because of that? Aren't they usually as easy as it gets? What if we started to do the same too?
It would be nice if women could find emotionally mature men. They seem rare. Always working on their image for ego sake in many different ways, but not working on the inside or how to have a healthy relationship. Most men I have known think a relationship is, "I say, you do. I want, you give." What do they reciprocate? Not much. They either want subservient slaves, or mommy, or both. They want their needs met but lack the relationship skills or desire to meet yours. And why should they since the woman is inferior in their minds? Who wants to partner with that? If I am going to spend all my time pouring into someone, I want it reciprocated. Otherwise I would rather pour into myself and do my own thing. I don't want an entitled selfish brat I feel I need to raise. And I sure as heck do not want an ego driven, domineering tyrant. I want an equal peer and teammate. But apparently that threatens most men's egos because they haven't done their inner work. Its all about outward things and appearances and delusions of power.
@@sherriflemming3218 reading back through that I sound like I'm coming from a very bitter place, but I'm not. I'm just speaking what I've observed over and over and over. And I wish more men would get a clue.
@@EssaryMichele It's not bitter or jaded Michelle. Simply wise from experience. And on point! I listened to Susan Winters podcast, Why They Lost Interest. Brilliant! Emotional ADD she defines this. All the best Michelle and I support you in your viewpoint. 👍🇨🇦.
@@EssaryMichele Most women just want an equal partner. Weak, broken men (which is to say, not all! Men who are whole in themselves do not behave in this manner!) feel the need to prove their worth through unhealthy competition, which is the only way they relate to their relationships. They think equal means identical. They don't want to share authority with a person they've bought into the belief of being inferior to them or conversely "magical" (for example: I won't question how my wife runs on four hours of sleep a night to do everything. Must just be a woman thing). In relationships, it either tends to manifest as wanting a companion, rather than a partner, which is to say, a pet. Or it manifests as a collapsed man child who feels inferior to his partner, which leads to resenting her and emotionally abandoning her to do everything in the relationship. Watch his relationships with his father or brothers. If he has neither of these, watch his friends. If he has nobody close to him, it's a red flag.
You're absolutely correct about how crucial it is to do the work it takes to heal from trauma and childhood wounds and adult wounds. It's so freeing once there's a breakthrough. Also forgiveness comes soon after. Free one's soul from the pain. It's letting go of the suffering. Protect ourselves as adults from toxic situations and unhealthy individuals. Appreciate your continual introspection and knowledge.
Thanks for addressing the problem with the blame game, which no one wins. My mentor once said," if the oil light in my car comes on, it doesn't mean the next car over needs oil." If I'm not happy, or not getting what I need, then it's up to me to find what my pain is,and discover how to heal my self. Others are in my life to support my journey, not carry my load. Good luck to all seeking healthy relationships. The hard work on yourself is worth it.
This is what I preach on a daily basis to men and women. Stop blaming. Stop it. Take responsibility and look at you're own imperfections and deal with your child hood trauma. Emotional grow, mentally and spiritually grow.
I think there needs to be a better mindset taught to young people on how to treat one another in relationships and boys should be taught more about females in a good way. They treat us like we are from another planet or something. I really think it starts from childhood on how a females are interpreted by boys and how they are taught to treat us. Something needs to change. I hope in the future males will learn to have more respect for females. All throughout time men have really treated a lot of women very poorly.
@@JonathonAslay no sir. it's definitley not both sexes at all. One sex thinks they should dominate the other and it's not the female sex who does this.
@@Coach-Daisy truer words have never been spoken. It’s pretty easy “to get over sex” like it’s taking a dump daily (like other biological functions) or being praised in a patriarchal society to score sexually with as many women as possible. Investing time wise & emotionally in men as a gender isn’t worth it. I’ve seen so many women do it with ZERO results. Of course it is with women as we are treated like prostitutes, breeders and maid service. You can do all the vetting you want and they pull the same crap in the end.
I agree. It is lack of respect and pride that men treat women poorly, like we are below them when we are not. Who wants to sign up to be treated that way? We are sick of it. We would rather be alone and take care of ourselves then deal with disrespect for who we are, disregard for our feelings and needs, and always having to stroke someone's ego so they can feel superior while putting down your gender. Tired of men who want to be in charge instead of working as a team. Tired of men who think they always have to have their way because they are the man. So what? Your man part doesn't make you special and entitled to be selfish and demanding. Why would I want to partner with someone who doesn't even see me as an equal peer? No thanks. I have better things to do than deal with men who either want a mommy, a subservient, or both, but do not want to reciprocate anything that would make a relationship worth it.
Right now it seems they’re in the phase of all this that they think they don’t need us - it’s too much trouble. They don’t want to put in the effort to earn a woman’s love and respect. But they’re miserably lonely.
@@robinbittel9420what the fuck do you women do. Zero effort. Bring nothing but drama to the table. You millenial women dont cook clean have shit attitudes and expect traditional men. Yall are more miserable btw statistically self reported bye now
I prefer your Balcony Videos. Your calmer demeanor resonates your messages much better. Why? Because after a long day at work with all the BS that environment involves, the balcony videos are more calming and easier to "soak" in. Love your basic message of bringing mature thoughtfulness into relationships
So true. I knew this couple that bought-into the religious male head of the household role. Unfortunately, it was not taught from a platform of loving, emotionally or goal supporting the woman too as valuable or precious and irreplaceable, being a vitally important contributer of the working family unit. At the end of the day after working, caring for family, helping husband get trade education; deferring her education or goals in favor of the man first; meant that she/children were very much unprepared financially to pick up the slack after he decided to leave on a whim. She then struggled to support three children alone without a formal education, or even reliable transportation. The business start-up, and husband she had supported disappeared in a flash. She was left in a dire financial emergency when he took the proprietary business, those tools, education, contribution for himself solely. Struggling to raise three children alone without a formal education under those conditions was a real duzy! Her work outside of the home doubled on top of it; as she continued also to maintain all household and child responsibilities alone; which at times left the children home alone/without better supervision, or emotional support. Raising a family and household was not meant for one person alone; without shared responsibilities. The redderic of submissive woman without equal emphasis on the male submitting to wife gets taught way out of balance. Why would people be then, disenchanted to discover it doesn't work out? In generations past (50's, 60's) When more women began working outside of the home, she was also expected to maintain the household and children responsibilities like perhaps their mother or others generations had. Furious and frustrated, in trying to live The American Dream sold by marketers, the couple soon became disenchanted with each others capability of " doing or being all"; when it became nearly impossible to maintain that workload satisfactorily. Sometimes their yearly family dream vacations looked more like nightmares. These people in the family unit stopped primarily associating with each other in real everyday life. They were all too busy.
This might sound gross, but i remember not having time to poop, wash my hair, or apply makeup while striving to do the job of two or three people in order to raise a family alone. The stress and health consequences on the body can be dramatic when keeping that kind of pace. Rearing a family, home, etc is a job meant for at least two. Perhaps at times a community of supportive family. This ultra- independent mentality has bitten us in the asses
I do also agree with your statement about people being dysfunctional. The only couples I see having kids now are either less educated people who are still stuck in old ways (even if they have a little education), and modern team playery couples who work together really well. And maybe that’s how it’s meant to be? As we all move towards education, maybe marriage and children is better suited for more emotionally developed, well-educated team players who bend gender roles and make things work, don’t cast blame, and are there for eachother whether it’s the father or mother staying home more.
I asked this guy out…I planned where to go and we had a great connection: he said” he had a very enjoyable time and that he enjoyed my company immensely and he hopes it’s the first of many good times we’ll share” but after that no text or phone call…I guess he’s pulling away! Or am I wrong?
He might have meant it at the time, but in my experience, most people these days date multiple people at a time before settling on one. He probably found someone he liked more and ghosted everyone else. Sadly, thats the state of the modern dating world, especially online dating.
I think that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus did much more harm than good. We're really from the Earth, both men and women, and should try to stop pretending that we can't understand each other. I'm sure only socialisation is to blame for these misunderstanding - perhaps we all could try to be honest. Maybe then men will get more sex, and women will be happier in their relationships, and everyone will benefit.
that is so true after 46 years of marriage lost hubby to cancer. been alone nearly 4 years moved to south island of New Zealand a new life. love your videos, thanks Jonathon love your new lady a match made in heaven.
Jonathon thank you so much! I am becoming a better me...operating from a state of self empowerment and self reliance . I jave a whole play list named " Jon Aslay," so whenever i am doing my house keeping daily routines...i put on my headset and listen for FREE the wisdom you pack in these videos. Thank you! Whenever i say i wish i heard your advice before making mistakes...i catch myself and say this is the RIGHT time. When the student is ready the teacher shows up. Thank you thank you...as I am receiving your words of wisdom in a perfect time...when i work from home...when I am reconnecting with an EX...I am just thankful Jon.
Do you know Louise Perry? she just wrote a book, The Case Against the Sexual Revolution? I pre ordered it. I think you would like it, and perhaps start recommending it. It talks about how feminists/women shot themselves in the foot basically with all this sexual revolution/having sex like a man. That is, what started off great from the 60s- being more in control of our bodies and choices as women- has run rampant today with hookup culture etc, and actually making us unhappy and basically, a bad deal for women at the end of the day.
@@JonathonAslay yes please do. and its funny cause a lot of feminists argue that women can do whatever they want, can hook up, they can take care of man, they can take the pill and get an abortion like its nothing, they dont need to "catch feelings" (and of course you can do whatever you want lol), but is that really helping women??? is that really a feminist stance? Some things to think about.....And hey I'm a liberal! I'm prochoice and all the left leaning stances. But some of our actions as women can be more conservative.
I am a feminist and I believe that behaviour - women having sex like men - is the exact opposite of feminism. You DON'T get empowered by being promiscuous! You get empowered when you know your own worth and you won't have sex with someone who doesn't acknowledge it.
I'm totally convinced that the third wave feminism was invented by men for whom the hookup culture is a dream. I'm ALL for sexual freedom. But this doesn't mean that women should numb their feelings and have sex without being respected for sharing their bodies. So often one night stands are used simply as masturbating using a body of the other person, without any feelings for that other person. And then, men and women are expected to jump into a committed relationship, when they never developed any relationship skills. It's totally f-ed up.
I love this video. One of the special and uniqueness about your videos is to try to work out issues in a relationship that needs delicate care. We are almost taught in society to give up, regardless of love and shared values and basically having fun together as companions. Those things matter a lot. Everytime, I was dumped usually by a man in a defensive mode, I walk it off and then someone close to me gives me a complement on any kind of attractive quality and then say "you can find a new guy" or "I'm so angry at him for doing this to you."
Sabotaging comments. You'll leave me and fall in love with someone else, You deserve better, I think you're out of my league and I have nothing worthwhile to offer, amongst other related comments from Avoidant Attachments..This creates a self fulfilling prophecy. And is a pattern. Adults aren't abandoned, they're left.
“Women can’t count on men anymore” I semi agree with this statement. However I will tweak it. Technically we could never count on men, but now that we aren’t being forced to (we can get (good enough) jobs, vote, own property)… it’s a very big risk for us to count on men nowadays, it always has been a big risk, but now there’s more choice in that risk and it shows
And I’m not saying that men counting on women isn’t a risk as well. However, when we have families, we lose years in the workforce, we grow susceptible to agism, we lose knowledge and experience in our fields, we lose value in society over that time raising kids, where for men it only grows. So it certainly is a very big risk for us.
I asked this person to go hiking. I didn't know this person very well. I sent her the information where to meet etc. This was a week ago. There was no integrity to her words.The person couldn't even respond to say, she didn't want to go etc. When I was talking to her she was talking about having integrity. Obviously, she has none. This is so crazy making. She has no social etiquette. The healthier I become, the more dysfunction and unkindness I see.
Thanks, this is so appropriate at this time. I'm alpha female because I keep being gullible which leads to back to back used and heart broken. Continue to be the unicorn of men and advocate for women
Hey Jonathon, I am learning that men in middle age enjoy company of their fellow men...where they can ride moto bicycles , go fishing...get together and share a glass of wine..laugh... When they come out the men club they are better lovers...fulfilled and happier..Ladies let them be...do not insist to be in the men club or over text or call...jist like a hummingbird knows the directions to return to its nest ...they will come back recharged...happier...this is my experience. Middle age men ain't millennial who spend their time on social media....they grew up in an Era of social interactions and true friendships. I like that his male friends ( all white in their 50+). love and respect me. These friends beg me " he said you can cook a goat head and pork feet.....please let us know what we eat when you cook....Americans do not eat everything.." For him to reply: " the peanut butter sauce I brought last time...it had crickets in it..." May be we can end racial tensions if we fall in love more...just saying...
Men can’t be counted on……. Boy, have I experienced this! I can’t count how many men have told me. “I’ll do it tomorrow.” And what’s that saying? Tomorrow never comes.
I go on all these man vs. Woman videos and comment sections and i point out what both men and women do. Saying that it is on borh men and woman. Telling them we both have our responsible and we need to work together instead of fighting each other. I say this everytime. I dont know what they say back because i don't have time to argue and i said what i said. That is all i feel that needs to be said. ✋😥💨 its really sad how they fight on these videos and posts. 😌 but im at peace with what i say.
@@JonathonAslay thank you, thats helpful, you lose hope when you just keep hearing all the stuff youre expected to do and all the ways people are just gonna mistreat you
You are spot on and best advice ever !Nothing wrong with being a traditional wife though .Who cares about a woman having a career ? So long as she is happy and makes time for her family .
There seems to have been a real uprising of this again of late, particularly in the religious sphere, there’s a big grab to hang on to what it being called “traditionalism”, which quickly jumps on board the “attack the toxic feminine” wagon (granted and agree with so many comments here that childhood trauma of everyone and learning where our power really comes from and how to communicate assertively and with kindness is “a thing” there no matter what gender we are). But it does seem to blame most Women as the primary problem?. Mums get attacked for failing at juggling it all. And Women not biological parents, ‘fill in’ Mums, childless or childfree Women are being blamed for being incapable of emotional maturity if they haven’t squeezed out a child. Even worse, by senior male Psychologists. People who identify as LGBTIQ+ being blamed for destroying the traditional gender dynamics and for their “wokeism”. Men clearly always get attacked too & no freaking wonder so many have been so confused around who or what they’re expected to be for Women now. But the problem also seems to be that some of the ones who never got the download on the equality piece in the first place (getting stuck in what they’re going to lose & hanging on hard to the ‘Women should be my servant, my property & sex slave when I want, how I want’ piece) seem to have been re-emboldened on their sense of entitlement by some of this movement? Or so says a recent world wide study that announced that my country, Australia, as being second last in the world on gender equality, with an estimate that almost a third of Men still hanging on hard to that they’ve lost out hard due to Womens empowerment and their wives should put out how and when they want, regardless of how their Women feel about it. Thank God for the 2/3rds that get it and or everyone everywhere trying to heal the battle of the sexes. It’s easy though to get pulled into and get reactive to that rabbit hole.
My parents were married twelve years , he still cheated and treated her horribly .Please stop holding us accountable for their behaviour , it is their responsibility to function as honest, trustworthy adults .That is not on us , they are not children .
Yes, marriage can be boring when all you did in your early years was go out partying and be promiscuous. Marriage is not fun; it's work, like everything else in life. There's nothing easy in life. People think men want to work all day and be away from their families, but we know and accept that we have to provide for our family. It's lonely too, but we accept it because it's not about us; it's about our family.
What it comes down to is who you're being raised by and what your parents or teaching you or not teaching you. Especially nowadays where women are trying to raising boys to be men and that's not possible
There's a great podcast on breadcrumbing by Coach Craig Kenneth on Avoidant attachment. Specifically male. There's nothing more an avoidant attachment loves more than breadcrumbing and a relationship with no commitment. . Are They Giving Me Breadcrumbs? Coach Craig Kenneth
@@JonathonAslay Hi Jonathan. It's specific about avoidant men that are breadcrumbing.. Carol Lieberman: 10 signs of breadcrumbing. Quotes from the podcast: People seem to jump from one person to another without really connecting. It's a new slang that means stringing you along. The conscious act of leading someone on for the thrill of an ego boost. The hot cycle is designed to lure in prey through attention, flattery, & sexual intrigue (I'm a flirt and need sexual innuendo) .It's completely self serving because they want to hook up with no committment. Sporadic messages. How very avoidant this is. Women are more tolerant to breadcrumbing. It's passive aggressive behavior and they don't want to be called out on it. They're skilled and masters at this. Margaret says: "Send him a box of croutons and say goodbye. Those are big breadcrumbs!". She had a great sense of humor. Their podcasts are excellent and informative. Have a great day! 🇨🇦❤️❤️❤️ .
Excellent! First step is to ditch the smartphone and use a laptop for RU-vid. As well I think your title here is not worded to reflect what you are covering. It has to reflect cultivating the emotions. So much wisdom here that is not covered by other coaches.
Maybe men thinks we women Are vulnerable, cause it's us are the ones who wants peace , and makes a happy home for men to come home too, even when men are doing wrong!
I think you make some good points and even more good points than bad points. However, I think you may have a skewed view of reality. This current society puts the weight of the problems on men in a very unbalanced way. And men are treated that way constantly. If a man cheats, he's a dog and a piece of shit...if a woman cheats, it's because the man didn't treat her right. The reality is that your thought that women take more blame than men is just not reality. But aside of that, I agree with you that it should be less of a gender vs gender and which gender is the better person...it should individual and how we treat each other as individuals. I think we both agree that the focus is not in the right place if your stance is based on the majority of men or the majority of women. Each case is significant and should be treated as such. Who decided there are two teams? We shouldn't be in competition against each other...we should be striving to be complimentary to each other. A man should make his wife more complete by being with her and a woman should make her husband more complete by being with her. Thanks for the deep thoughts and I hope the best for you.
It’s sad woman are watching this pandering shill in hopes of actually getting help and he’s leading you farther astray. I found it interesting he talked about his son. I wonder how successful his son is doing in the dating market with his terrible out of touch advice.
@@JonathonAslay you discredit male criticism of the current dating market yet when was the last time you were IN the dating market? You have no idea of the environment of which you speak. You are an observor not participatiing in the market yet you think you can offer relevant advice. You speak idealisticlly ignoring the REALITY. It's a diservice to women who are actually looking to improve, and who are already constantly being given conflicting, confusing, usually innacurate information.
@Xavier Women nowadays don't take accountability for any of their actions and just blame men. Society tells us women can do no wrong and if we make a criticism we're mysoginists. Yet men can get trashed all the time on every platform and it's praised. Our culture is destroying real men they're even pretending to be women. Good luck ladies.
