Why Does a Narcissist Provoke You | Stephanie Lyn Coaching 

Im not walking on egg shells for ANYONE ever again. It is what it is.

He provoked me over and over but I NEVER fought back 😥😓💔 I sat there, for 14 yrs with my head hung low, crying silently and just TAKING IT. Next Thursday will be my 2 year anniversary of having left!!! ❤️💗❤️💗

When the narcs would say that I was too sensitive, I finally just started to say, "no, you are just too insensitive ". I refused to get hurt by their behavior.

“Fighting so hard for them to just be human”. Wow nail on the head!

"Monitor yourself, don't try to change them.."

My husband always did things he knew would annoy me and he literally couldn't contain himself from the joy and excitement this gave him and I saw he was watching me from the corner of his eyes waiting for me to react. He wanted to see how long I can withstand not telling him off or not calling him out. Really sick behaviour.

"Bc they are damaged, wounded and insecure, they need that validation" which they get by abusing others - Steph you really call it like it is, thank you!

Its called reaction abuse. To make you think your the bad person and its all about you. When they turn around and blame you for your getting mad at them because you confronted them and then the gaslighting begins. They will always push you away again and again. They hate to loose. You cant win with them. Let them go and move on with your life. It WILL be the best thing you can do for yourself. It just takes time to heal. And yes im still trying to get back to somewhat normal in my life. And yes these videos are really good information about the narcissistic abuses in any relationship. So thank you for your help with better understanding what a narcissist really is and does. I had no idea.

narcs have Deep Hurt and they want you to be right in the Pit with them 🤷🏼‍♂️ misery loves company

Because of your channel I healed from narcisstic abuse and I built my confidence & I am not a people pleaser & Im so much happier than I have ever been💕

Stephanie, why did this happen today with my ex. I stopped myself, laughed, and told him to have a great day *click* 😊 I’m no longer bothered by the bs, nor am I entertaining it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Good ol’ stone-walling. You’ll never feel validated with an abusive person/narcissist.

they want validation from everyone,its so sad and disgusting,they need it even from complete strangers or passers by them,they do not care about the quality of the person they give it to them,anyone who would do it well its ok,even in front of their partners and they know how to hurt you with that

For every narcissist I shrug off with indifference three new ones continue the assault. This is a never ending battle. Narcissist's are human vampires feeding on negative low vibrating emotions from people. The human species is a all you can eat buffet for them. You are very knowledgeable in this area at young age, I respect you. Continue posting these truthful videos we need the truth. 👍🏆🌞

It takes a little while to train yourself to respond and not react but when you stop reacting they start to get angry... Great video love the way you explained it

"Emotional Punching Bag" is EXACTLY how i described it to my therapist 😳 Thank you for what you do!!!

I get "I'm sorry" from my narc a lot. The problem is, she doesn't understand empathy or regret. It's just a reset button, to wipe out the score, and restart the game. I say " the best apology is changed behavior" and she doesn't get that. Why work on herself when she thinks she's already perfect?

Lisa Romano says "Hold onto yourself." this is priceless.

"You're fighting so hard for them to be a human" YES!!! I felt this way all the time. Glad I chose me in the end, its so much more peaceful now ❤

That’s the hardest part for me as a push over empath to understand , they will get their attention ANYWAY they can get it and it’s just astounding. I hate conflict with a passion. It’s very uncomfortable and I will go to lengths to avoid it. The NPD person’s eyes will light up with pure joy in the midst of such discomfort. Gives me the creeps.

"You're dealing with a child." Facts! My hubs is 53 and soooo immature and insecure! He needs constant positive attention or he'll get nasty and start a fight (or try to). I do my best to ignore him or not play into it. It's exhausting! Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don't. My mouth and speaking the truth--though I know it won't matter--gets the best of me at times. I'm doing better, though. And I don't connect my confidence with his opinion or share much of my life with him.

I thought I was going crazy turns out I'm surrounded by vipers and they wonder why I'm so cold

When he pokes and pokes at me and I get upset because he doesn’t listen to a word I say. He will speak over me and stair at me . Then he will tell me “your the one screaming and yelling not me , you need help. Now I’m learning to walk away or I just tell him you’re right.

Your right!I think the best revenge is being happy and successful.I have Learnt you don't need anyone to validate you.

I have a narcissist neighbor who does this all the time, and when I finally got mad at all her passive aggressive insults and behavior, she claimed that she was now afraid of me. Being a Karen and telling neighbors that I was volatile, while she would have tantrums and throw things in my backyard. I hate her now and I wish her the absolute worst. She provoked me to anger then plays a victim. I just hate people like that and when karma comes a knocking, I’m going to allow myself to savor her troubles and laugh. Her relationship sucks, her partner threatens suicide and appears to be borderline. This is why I gave up on humanity a long time ago. Too many fucked up people.

Omg...... Omg.... This.... I need to just no longer react.... I didn't even realize until this video.... Wow, thanks so much!!!!!

What you said about them withholding validation, showing 0 compassion and showing little to no empathy and explaining that we will NEVER get that.. really resonated with me. That was exactly what I was fighting for .. and have made myself feel emotionally, physically and spiritually unwell doing so. Thank you for saying those words!.. very helpful x

Without love they find joy in the weirdest ways.

Wow! Great video!! They want to drive us as emotionally crazy as they actually are. Also, I think my two narc exs would do this because they know that they are awful and they want to bring one down to their level by making one upset or by trying to get one to be as bad as them. Then they don't feel so jealous and envious of our compassion and composure and dedication to be kind and decent.

omg. nailed it. I'm 5 videos in and wow. years of therapy. no answer. now here. straight up. 5 years of rebuilding my sanity

Stephanie, excellent information and advise. I can tell you from my experience with a person like this that this is exactly how they act. So illogical, and emotionally immature. Best thing to do is cut your losses, get out of Dodge, and after healing from the emotional abuse find a healthier person and relationship. You deserve better than what this person threw at you. Take care Stephanie, be safe and well.

I’m dealing with a narc sis n law and calls me crazy! She’s the nut! She’s just jealous of me. She’s very insecure of herself and I now have cut her from my life cannot deal with her anymore! I’m done

It is so true this people are mentally instable.That is why they want to get there anger on others

Bottom line, you can’t talk to these people like normal people. Don’t try. You will always be shocked by their 💩 behaviors, choices, words. They will try EVERY ANGLE to get you to respond. Mine goes from overly friendly and helpful to critical and threatening it’s a cycle of the same strategies to pull me out. it’s wearing even though I understand it and know it. It’s insane. this video is so on point. Oh and NEVER tell them they upset you. They’ll use it again! Just stop, walk away, end whatever it is. You don’t have to explain yourself- that is a green light for them !

My bf literally told me weeks ago that he does things to upset me to get a reaction. I knew it was weird but kept doubting myself. It’s only month 4 so I’m just glad I caught the red flags now. He’s a master manipulator though so I have to be careful not to fall into his lovebombing trap again.

Flying monkey whack-a-mole seems to be their best attack. A story will start to circulate that is false and when you start to effectively chip away at it, it is quickly replaced by another false story and even by new flying monkeys. A few weeks or months later, the story you almost discredited will pop up again to replace another story you almost invalidated. Seems they insert another story strategically before the current story is dismissed entirely, therefore putting that story n their back pocket for the future. Dark Psychology flying monkey game of whack-a-mole!

You and Doctor Ramani are the BEST!! You two have helped me so much, in my healing and recovering from my physically abusive narcissistic ex 😭🙌💙🖤💜 I appreciate you 🙏

You just described my husband! How is it that they are this textbook??????

Thank you so much! I just got out of a relationship with a Narc. It feels good to reclaim my life back! Moving forward and working on me. I choose me! He constantly used the Bible to justify his behavior. I was like a slave catering to ALL of his needs while working a full time job and a part time job to put my daughter through school. He always had an answer for everything and of course, I was always wrong. The whole relationship I felt alone and invalidated. Well, I ran for the hills and I ain’t lookin back! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I really needed these videos. I feel empowered.

What’s heart breaking is whenever you look at your kid(s) cause they deserve better if only that narcissistic partner has an open mind and have the heart to listen and change.

Observe don't absorb. They have patterns. Watch them and remain calm.They will stop picking at you because they want The reaction. Don't fight back. If she says im crazy i say yep. End of conversation. We control ourselves because they can't stop. It stops reactive abuse. That's when your the abuser in their mind because you stood up for yourself. Stop just observe. Walk away go do something else. When they triangulate -they're trying to make you feel like you don't existt.

I was with a narcissist for 8 years and didn't even realize it. It was definitely the most toxic period of my life. Once you're out of that situation, everything about them and all of the things you didn't understand about the relationship when you were in it, really start to make sense

I wish could've met you earlier so that i have avoided that narcs entering into my life.

I put this into practice with the narc sister and it works. During a very tense situation the narc kept trying to bait me and I didn’t react and I could see her frustration. I was shouted and screamed at but I remained as calm as possible. I was also accused of looking for supply, by a narc, when I asked simple questions. This works and thank you for sharing.

Thank you! Just needed this reminder, I don’t understand their behavior... I could never treat people like that.

The neighbors from hell that moved in 5 months ago have somehow made it their mission to destroy me even after all of the welcoming kindness I showed them when moving in. They're a couple and I knew something about them was a little off from the get-go (these are upstairs neighbors) but I was always optimistic. I'm an empath and I've done my time in the battlefields of resistance but this is next level. Literally, next level. To have complete strangers act like they hate you out of nowhere and try to make your life a living hell day and night (for 4 months now) is just insanity. These people (or spirits) will choose a target for anyone that is vulnerable or especially living alone with no witnesses. It's as if screwing with me daily is their daily bread and what keeps them bonding in their own relationship. I'm sharing this only because they (NPDs) don't always just show up in relationships - which is the most obvious and convenient source. But because of that, I've willingly remained single for 10 years now due to my last girlfriend (that I now understand was high on NPD) and this energy still came to find me even as a seemingly sweet retired couple? My other neighbors get a COMPLETELY different version of them when they're outside than I get inside above me. Rages and all. It's nuts and I wish it on no one. But it has also galvanized me in many ways that I'm deeply thankful for. It could easily be suspect for a spiritual test when anyone goes through this. Hang in there and be awesome. Once you see narcissism up close, for what it really is for the first time... you simply can't unsee it. True story. Literally... grown-ass toddlers.

6:15 "This is their way of feeling in CONTROL. This is their way of HOPEFULLY chipping.away at your self-esteem." Thank you..I knew I wasn't crazy. Always knew it wasn't about the argument, but about the ARGUING for them

It is a learning process. Needed to hear this today.

It all came full stop almost 20 years ago when I finally got my fill and smiled and walked away.

I love how you touch on aspects of narcissism that many don't. These are real issues that some of us deal with but find it difficult to articulate to friends and family. Also, many therapists need to equip themselves with these kinds of non-textbook insights cos they tend to be very academic and surface level in their approach.😢

This is eyeopening. When my ex and I would argue, I literally begged him to just treat me like a human being because he was being so mean. =(

Thank you!!!♡. Divorcing a drug addict, narcissistic ex husband and with 1 child. You are spot on!!♡ such a positive inspiration to others of us!!! Thank you!!!

The purpose for the rudeness in narcissists is to cause you to blow up so they can feel superior. Just recently I told a narcissist that they were rude for no good reason and they ghosted me for an entire week. They acted as though I did something really terrible for telling them what they said was mean. This narcissist lulled me into forgetting how they were by their previous love bombing. This person began accusing me of "being irrational", "blowing things out of proportion" and other verbiage to make me look like I was the foolish and crazy one. This person even accused me of being out of control when the narcissist was the out of control one, they project constantly their own attitudes. I was lulled into believing this person had changed, after this mess I realize they had not changed at all, which made me feel discouraged to realize we never had what I thought we had in the relationship. When the narcissist figures out we are aware of their tricks they will become more covert and tricky to be able to claim they didn't do anything and that we are the ones making a big deal about nothing. One of my problems is in thinking telling a narcissist will learn from dialogue, they never do, they always rage. Fixing the narcissist is impossible, they do not learn, they hate wisdom and truth. The silent treatment is the most used tactic I have experienced from the family narcissists. Yes, and they can go on for days and weeks to try to break you down. I have found the best way to get through these things is to ignore it entirely. I have failed at times in becoming emotional it only escalated their hateful actions.

I have experienced theft. Did not cut person off soon enough. Turned around in a market to see this person closing the clasps to my purse which was in a shopping cart...then two coin purses missing. Subsequent events necessitated cutting this person. These vids help.

I just realized yesterday that when my wife acts over excessively nice to other people while treating me like dirt, and I previously thought she had dual personalities, but now, realize she does that in front of me to hurt me.

They dont all leave you alone after ignoring them. Some will get obsessed, if this happens you have to move far away.

I am the punching bag and then I become the praiser after being beat up. I am doing generally great and am healing, but am living with my narc mother temporarily due to extraordinary circumstances. It took 3 weeks before I was drawn in. Self-compassion, I got this!!

That they need 'negative attention', this is true, sad, and bizarre but you will realize they must be in a lot of pain.

A narcissist will provoke you because he or she was treated like crap as a child and is simply repeating the abuse. They need therapy. But they will blame you for everything and say you need therapy for all the reactive abuse they dragged out of you. They're crazy. You have 3 options. Move out. Learn to deal with the craziness. Give it back to them so bad they think twice about screwing with your head ever again. Good luck.

My ex used to do this so much, my lack of education made him get his supply everytime

Dear Stephanie. Your tutorials seem to match exactly with what is happening in my separation. You will never know, but you have been a life saver for me. I am eternally grateful for your advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May the road always rise up to meet you! Warmly Bernardette

My mother was narc since I was little as six, I was so insecure I guess now I realize that so many people who came to my life also started controlling me. One of my best friend, my sister, an aunt and my mother in law. I guess others follow as you grew up with a narc they see the possibility of messing with your life.

Dealing with a child is exactly right and it's exhausting, frankly. I have never desired to be anyone's parent and it is truly tiring. Thank you for this very useful content.

You just described my ex who I was with for 5 torturous years. I wish I had known this stuff 10 years ago before I met him.

Yep! My dad and ex husband to a "t" they love to point out anything that you do wrong but they cant self- reflect that they are ever wrong!

When my harassment started, stalking,harassment repeating conversations I had in private in a store,really crazy unbelievable stuff,I freaked out so badly,had a breakdown, one of the person's involved made a comment about acting childish,which it was reactive abuse,I was traumatized,I now look back on that as another projection this person made because there childish behavior, and then putting it on me,and I still feel bad on how I reacted,I wish I had known more about all this.

If you don't react they emotionally abuse you and if you do react they emotionally abuse you! The solution is LEAVE THEM!!!

He can only ‘hurt’ me if I ALLOW him to hurt me. It used to really bother me, but since realizing how narcissistic he is - and watching videos like this one - I’ve come to realize that it’s all just WORDS. It doesn’t ‘hurt’ me anymore. I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response anymore. But it still does baffle me how these narcissists think they can treat people the way they do, then expect them to come back as if nothing. Like WTF???

So true...always mad at me and calls me a narcissist. Hes very disrespectful daily. Calling me names and has no loving ways and laughs at me .

Oh yeah, my high functioning narc father threw out my wallet including my id, sin card, and health card because I didn't attend my cousin's wedding. No conscience

The narcissist roommate i had became almost hysterical when i didnt respond to her stirring drama yelling(which is s form of violence).

Other than the other parent of your child until that child turns 18 and ages out of the Family Law Industry (yes, INDUSTRY), there is no one who you must interact with. No one. No parent. No boss. No spouse. No partner. No friend. No child. No one. Until you embrace that fact, you will never be free of narcissistic abuse.

This is all so true to my relationship. Except that I did get apologies, I did get acknowledgement that my point is fair. However, same thing happened over and over again and only the explanation/excuse changed every time. To the point when the "apology" and the "acknowledgement" that I'm right meant nothing anymore. Just like when he said "I love you". These were used and abused to the point and actions never backed them up that he really meant them so they meant absolutely nothing after a while. Sad.

I will never forget how one day, I came home and found my narcissist ex sobbing as he worked on installing our living room flooring. It shocked me, because until then, I felt like he was without any kind of feeling for me. He was crying over the breakdown of our marriage. To this day, I really don't understand it. It was a sign of empathy that he had never shown me. We had only been married about two months, and he had said so many awful things to me, and done so many awful things to me. All I could say to him at the time was, "it keeps getting worse." I was at a loss as to what to do. I do think narcs love at first, but they cannot sustain the love. It's more of a feely love than a deep down respectful love that accepts that we all have weaknesses. I think narcs expect victims to be their everything, and when they see flaws that we all have, they write them off as not their perfect match.

Congratulations on 300k! I am so very grateful I have found you and your information on how to protect myself from my life sucking vampire narc. Your videos have been thought provoking and inspirational for my journaling prompts ( a newly found method of self-parenting accountability to myself practice). Thank you for the honest and raw depictions of my life and what needs to be done to live freely. I am a work in progress. Helps to know I am not alone. Best to all, we will get through this 🙏

It feels really good to finally have figured this out and to have a community of people that understand wtf happened lol.. I legit thought I was the problem and I was nuts.

Stephanie is so spot on! Thank you so much for helping ALL of US, married to a NPD wife is a living hell! I'm glad I have HELP now 👍🙂

I believe the damage was done by her parents and the previous boyfriend and has bled me of my all for 33 yrs. It was that year ago that I started educating myself on the subject . It helps to hear these thing from you / women , since I've been dealing with it from a woman. So thank you.

Please keep exposing these traits of a narcissist. This helped me so much . Thank you 🙏🏼 & God Bless you ❤️

I really appreciate your videos, thank you, Stephanie. I wish I had experienced all these things only in theory. You're so damn right to a T when you say narcissists' invalidation literally forces other ppl to crave for their validation, prove narcs they're worth all the best etc. although all these attempts are doomed to failure from the very beginning. It always makes my hair stand on end when I witness this absolutely cold and pissed-off no-remorse behavior. It's even more frightening than horror movies.

I need to learn to think before I respond and react. Thanks for this...

I’m 54 & in therapy I learned my mum is a narcissist. She is 85 but the levels of selfishness, gaslighting and manipulation she goes to are shocking & have destroyed me after decades of abuse. Her rages since I’ve begun putting in boundaries & no contact since Christmas have been unbelievable. She is evil on your last point too about shutting me down/silent treatment when I was looking for support/empathy or apology. She’d say “stop going on about it. I’ve moved on now” or “now you’re upsetting me. Stop going on” & yet it was me who was upset. It’s the fact this is my mum who has done this to me is overwhelming & I am lost lonely unloved and exhausted. I can’t see a positive even with therapy. I watch your videos to not feel so alone or crazy 🙏❤️

He used my weaknesses against me. I couldn't understand why he would continuously try to provoke me. After staying with them for two years I got toxic as well and I gave him back everything he gave me.. gaslighting, I was critical flaw finding screamed in him I couldn't take it anymore and it was quite satisfying and then I left

My negative attention will bruise the narc I can assure him if his here,, I think I've learned alot throw these videos!!!

Thank you Stephanie I have some neighbors that are narcissistic and it helps to talk about it I think it takes the power out of it and Jesus loves me so I don’t care what you think right cause they are wrong

Thank you , this helps a lot

I have experienced many of the things you talked about in past relationships. All the things mentioned in this video hurt and damage us. I think that "remembering the honeymoon period after the abusive behavior and the great ways a person can be in the cycle" can cause us to fall back into the poor me or if only or maybe if mentality if only for a brief period. If they threaten to move on, etc. we have to remember front and center the reality of the relationship and the abusive person. For those in long term abusive situations it requires a great shift... from I need, want this person to "you can have them" I don't want that anyway mentality. Thanks for helping so many.

Yes, I have a covert narcissist coworker that sits 48 inches away from me at work. She twist conversations to the boss to make me look bad. I am learning not to react to her purposeful twisted lies. She takes one thing that’s true in our conversation and adds lies to the information to the boss. I working on healing and not responding to all her drama manipulations. I learning to be a rock.

I broke up with my ex girlfriend back in February. We tried staying friends until april, where I tried going NC, which lasted about 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks where were I learned about narcisism and when she returned into my life, I saw things more clearly. I started to grey rock her and didn't give her any reactions, just responses, which clearly pissed her off, so she tried harder. Not gonna lie, it did amuse a bit that I felt I had the uber hand. However I did eventually get tired of her constant naging and trying to provoke me, so I ended up telling her in July, that I was done with our friendship and had to focus on myself, she was furious. I started NC again and have had her blocked everywhere for 5 months now. While it fells amazing at times, there are sometimes when I think that it would have been better if she had left herself by making her her tired of me not reacting - cause in a way I told her, that she had won. And that can still piss me off at times to be honest. Just wanted to share, cause this video made me think about, why I sometimes maybe still ruminate about her, so thank you Stephanie! And to everyone else reading this! Keep fighting, you guys will get better! I can promise you that! ⭐

😎 I think I'm SLDD . My new journey has begun . Thank you for truth .

Always on point! Thank you Stephanie: you can’t imagine how much you’ve been helping me! Congratulations for the 300K subscribers 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Omg omg omg! So true! I thought I was crazy! It stems from the abandonment from a teen n your great kid! He triggers me. So sad. I’m 60 yra old and going through this now.. 3 yra

I started a new job in February and realized from DAY 1 that my new supervisor was potentially a narcissist. Definitely an energy vampire who abused her power in her position. It took me 9 days to walk away after experiencing red flags and several really strong intuitive senses about her communication and behavior. It just was not worth it to me to attempt to work with someone who my intuition was telling was not to be trusted and was already draining and exhausting to me. I have never experienced such a strong intuitive sense about not trusting someone. I was tested I guess, however, in my opinion for me, it is never worth the effort it takes to deal with a person long term who is narcissistic or has really strong narcissistic tendencies. Best to move completely out of range and get on with your life. Hard decision but necessary. Thank you for your videos and all the information you dispense. You have helped me have realizations about what a narcissist is and their behaviors and psyche.

I happened to be pregnant to my ex and aborted, when I had the conversation of how to avoid that kind of trouble he really just told me that it was my fault, totally enraged and after he just shut down, that was really the worst time I ever experienced from a person, sadly it used to happened with every other kind of issues. I just understood that the only way to cut the drama and the hurt was walking away and no contact. There is no revenge, no accountability no change at all... So walk away it is 100% better to be alone

Why do multiple people in my life act like this??

He was obsessed with infidelity. Of all the twisted ways he did get to me, I was impervious to jealousy. I was trapped with him, I felt like anyone who might try to steal that parasite was welcome to have him. I still heard about it a lot, I was accused of flirting with an Uber driver (while he was in there with me, mind) but he got only a laugh from me over that one. He never quite figured out how to use jealousy on someone who didn't want him. Mind boggling that they think this but they won't LEAVE when asked. They'd rather stay in misery just to keep doling out misery for you.

The problem with the dishonest evasive "escape" is that it is in itself dysfunctional behavior that will sabotage real relationships and interfere with genuine connection, intimacy & healthy conflict resolution.

I am married to a narcissistic and he does say all those things he likes to flirt and make me feel so insecure and he always turn around and and said stop been so insecure, there is nothing wrong talking to other girls, he said I am here with you ... What can I do when I am in that citation? I try not react at the moment but I get fed up with it and then I explode and I end up been the bad guy and he make me say sorry to him!!! It is really messing with my emotions and I feel So powerless

Impeccable timing. Thank you for the excellent content

Love these videos. They are helping me realize the change I need to make for myself and to avoid the gas lighting.