A Nigerian lady made this mistake. She was well established in the UK with permanent residency. She had her own home and high paying job. She met another Nigerian who was on an expired visa, living sharing a house with 10 other people. She fell in love, brought him into her home. They got married and she sponsored him for permenant residency. She polished him up, and gave him money to start an importing business. She even gave him money to send back to his family in Nigeria. They had 2 sons. Once he got PR he visited Nigeria often spoiling his family with her money and for business reasons. On one occasion he stayed in Nigeria for longer than usual. He told her it was for business. Guess what, a mutual friend had sent the lady photos of her husband's wedding to another woman. From the photos - the man had been funding his new wife's and in laws' lifestyle including a new Range Rover and house. Ladies, do not make this woman's mistakes.
the thing is if I were the other woman, I swear I would divorce him based on how he treated that previous lady. Because that evilness is still in him and may come out when I am pregnant.
“If he’s struggling let him figure it out before he comes to you… If nothing is not working out for him, he’s not ready for a relationship.” *A word* 💯
@@joannmatsuis Men are putannas They should be treated as expendable! Never pay for dildo on legs y’all got a smartphone and Amazon app😤 Stop slimming it already🙄💯👍
I had built a man for 5 years. He saved money, he earned more money, he moved to a bettter city, to a better job. When i had to do a surgery HE LEFT ME cause he doesn't want to take care of me in the post op. 5 years building a man up and he left me with nothing, I moved from the house with 2 luggage and my cat. NEVER AGAIN. Thank you for all your words here.
Truth and FACTS!!! That's exactly how I'm living my life, and I always lived by that philosophy!!!! I put MYSELF first before anybody, especially a self centered and narcissistic man!!! F all men at this point!!!
For millions of years, women still haven't learned that you (a woman) ought not to build a man at all. It's not a woman's natural or spiritual role. You ought to hold hands with a man and walk with him (complementing each other). It's a man that's given the natural and spiritual responsibility to build and do so many things for a woman... according to the Word of God
@@abrotheryourbrother3429yeah they built r@pe, murder, arson, corruption, DV, bullying, slavery, trafficking, pollution, temper tantrums, disrespect real well. 80% of all the autoimmune disease sufferers are women. Weight gain, frayed nerves and trauma are the only things y'all "lead" women and yourselves into.
I am 51. My man was 70. He said I was too old. Every time I turned around he was saying how old I was. I had to remind him how old he was and how he keeps using adhesive on his teeth. And how I can get someone in my 30s if I wanted to. He can't. But it was sad how he kept trying to put me down for my age. It's ridiculous
These dudes are so delusional. They’ve been on a pedestal too long. The nerve of that man 20 years your senior calling you old .. what does he want … an adolescent like most dudes. These dudes are weird asf
Never built a man but dated a man who was at the same level as me. He still felt the need to compete with me. Never understood his behavior because I had never dated anyone who saw me as a competition. Eventually, I got it and left. If a man that's on the same level as me can show me flames, how much more a man that's below me. No one can ever make me feel bad for dating men who earn more than double my income. I have my own property and car, don't come near me if you don't. I'm never going to be a man frustration tool or trauma dump when they feel like they are behind their peers.
Been there. And when I started stepping up the game for myself and reaching my own goals, he got EXTREMELY jealous OF me and the gaslighting....all of a sudden I was "selfish" a "bad mom", had a "huge ego" 😂.
Girl, I watched it again and I was like, hmmm. How he took her for granted in his youth and how he kept taking and taking. These men have zero remorse for what they do. As a woman I could never abuse someone like that. I always pay back my debt. Unless the debt belongs to the USA you feel me lol cuz these fools be trying they hardest to break you.
I actually cried during that movie. It hit a nerve I’ve never had anything as mad as that happen to me but I know what it feels like to be betrayed and being disappointed by someone who you thought was the love of your life.
Whew chile the rage that was in me that I thought I put behind me when I watched that movie! I felt EVERY bit of Taraji character Ive been that woman. I can never watch that movie again but I know.
Whether they and you, are 22 or 62. Let them be fully baked adult before you entertain them. You are NOT their mother, helper, maid, fixer, problem solver, stylist, life coach, CV writer etc etc etc. IF, you are drawn to that sub par male , obviously or less obviously, fix that within yourself. You are YOU , with a bomb of talent and abilities . Believe IT and say no to the parasites. xxxxx
Never build a man because once they reach that level of success with your support- they will not want to give you any credit! It’s resentment and it’s ego based. He does not want to be reminded that he needed support. Men like to make it look like they accomplish things in their own. The best thing to do is if you’re in a relationship where he is not yet at his level of success, allow him to figure things out in his own. Make your OWN decision as a women on whether it’s worth staying or not, because they will also not express it. 🫠
Build the man up. He will take everything good that you have from you and then leave. He won't even remember your name. He'll say: "Sarah? Who's Sarah?" That, after you've put every bit of your energy into him.
Facts. Stop dating and marrying potential. I know of what I speak. If they don’t mess up your life, they will slow your progress so much because you have to wait for them to catch up and/or grow up. It’s not fun, and you end up mad at yourself for wasting time.
When our parents were in charge of deciding what man we would marry, they would not allow you to be with a man that did not have his finances together. They would not let you marry for "love" because they knew that wouldn't put food on the table Men want "love" so they don't have try. You can build with love, but you need a foundation first.
@@holyempressw8531 In what world or timeline? What exactly are you talking about? Where in the world does it currently happen that 40+ guys are legally marrying 14 year old girls, because they consider 19 year olds too old already? Are you talking about your own fantasies or some kinky anime stuff? Is this something you learned by visiting adult entertainment websites or the redpill community? Are you someone who likes to seek out romantic partners on Epstein's island? I'm very confused by this message.
@@Soneelicious OMG, That's horrible! I'm so sorry for anyone who ever experienced this scenario. No girl should be ever forced to marry any guy under official laws! No 14 year old girl should be ever set up to marry any man, especially not a middleaged one! No 19 year old girl should ever feel like she's too old to get marrried or that she has to compete with 14 year olds for any male affection. 40+ men should be ashamed of themselves for even considering to pursue children romantically, that's disgusting. Men who look for wives among women half their age are troubling enough already, even when those potential wives are adults. Why is this still a thing? These laws should certainly be updated.
@@SoneeliciousIt's legal in 41 States in the USA too. 20 of those states don't even have a minimum age for marriage. Politicians are a bunch of perverts themselves, they don't care about women or children 🤮
Been married for 17 years and together 22. Have never did ANYTHING for my husband financially and he’s talking about striving to become a millionaire in 2024. Men will strive to do better when u make them ladies. My husband knows I will leave him at the drop of a dime because I do my part as a wife. I work and none of my money goes into the household
@@jakblk no, he knows he doesn't want to lose her. It doesn't matter what she says. IF HE BROKE, LEAVE EM! Ladies why we ever gave them broke mFas a chance IDK.
I'm all for equality and all, I'm trying not to be judgemental, prejudiced... But unfortunately, You are all correct. It's just the way it is and denying reality only causes pain. You can either pat yourself on the head for "not being a gold digger like other girls" but that feeling isn't worth how men will treat you for it.
Literally witnessed aspects of this within my own parents. Dad went to jail when I was young and my mom stood beside him and paid some of his books. Still ended up cheating on her and was actually jealous of her making money when she was successful doing real estate and even tried competing with her when it came to getting me bday gifts. She bought me a pearl jewelry set for my 11th bday and he gave me a card promising to take me to Disneyland(never happened)…a lot of men don’t have the same level of appreciation nor respect and will feel emasculated
Yup. Someone I know who was ambitious and doing so well in life (owned a home, etc.) let a dusty in through her doors. She also helped him get citizenship... Long story short, she had to flee back to Africa with their child due to abuse, and she now has nothing. He lives with his new wife in the house they'd bought together.
You’re not his dream girl if you help him built.. Men show up ready for the right one. Otherwise, he’ll feel emasculated and tell you he didn’t ask you to do all that.
I helped a “friend” push his car. It would always run out of gas and it was like I could feel the way he viewed me change but.. why..? And ik it’s a whole video here but still
I was good friends with a couple that lived together and he would pay for MY drinks when we went out then later ask her for money he paid for HER drinks later. It blew my mind she put up with this when I found out. She did so much at home, had two jobs, and he owned a thriving electrician business. He clearly had zero respect for her. So glad she finally left him.
She will build him forever. He will forever need help with something The helping family part is not discussed enough and the biggest scam of all. It's like cheating with another woman but far far worst because it's a lifetime of sponsorship, it happens right under her nose and society will praise him and boost his ego. On top of that the family will join forces to keep her submissive and assassinate her character if she dares to speak up against it. Once he is tired of helping them he will quickly find something else to invest in but it will never be the 50:50 wife that helped build him. I know far too many women end up resentful and sick.
Don't invest in a man because someone else will reap the rewards Get a man on your level or higher Also don't feel that having a man is the all of life Get a partner not a project
Well done ladies for putting this out there🎉 Some men (weak men) will be in your home and in your bed and despise you. 90 day fiance tells us all we need to know about the lengths some of them will go to manipulate and scam a woman to get what they want. Thst even includes putting a ring on your finger. I don't have daughters but if i did, id show them this.
Totally agree with this.. you helping a man build himself up, nurture, support financially doesn't guarantee anything. Been there, done that, we date now only men who are already there. No more therapist, financial support, nurse and all the other hats to wear. You do it all and they still gonna lie to your face and tell you that you're demanding.
Amen Queen!!! Men will call women gold diggers for taking help from other men, to get on their feet. Yet when a woman builds a dude up, he turns around and breaks her. Thank you for sharing this and encouraging us to find strength in our struggles!
Amen! They will take what they can, from whom they can, with one singular focus: themselves. Men created capitalism, exploitation, pimping, every negative greedy, self-centered, inhumane practice in this world…Trust, they will take advantage of you in a second if it means they end up on top! Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it.
We live in a patriarchal society. Men will always have that advantage over women because of that, so if you can go or and get your own, why can’t he? The guy in the beginning was right: he didn’t want to. Leave him where he’s at.
❓❓❓ Ok there were some good points but am I the only one who fastforwards past the people who refer to women as b!tches? I can't even take those people seriously. "Lemme disrespect women while stitching a video to help women." 🧐 We're always expected to accept anything and everything.
Paid for my man to get through college cause he said he would take care of me after that. I dressed him real nice and all that too. When it was time to take care of me when we had a kid he said “no, you paying for me was your choice.” He knew what the deal was supposed to be. He left me for another woman at the job that I killed myself for him to have cause I was washing his uniform and raising our kid by myself and working. He left me with no money and tried to have me thrown out of the house. The house that I got us. That could have been the end of the story but the court saw what he did and sided with me. He eventually repented and is being the husband and father he was supposed to be. That took prayer and intervention ladies. And he has free will so he did not have to repent. Don’t build a man. Get a man that is ready to build a life with you, not off you.
So after everything he did to you.. you still agreed to marry him? I’m confused. I am glad if you are happy, but I hope you are setting money aside just in case. Your man showed you who he really was when he abandoned you and your child when he accomplished his goals.
@@vizeas right. After all of that? He just didn't want to do all the work with the child because, it's cheaper to keep her. She once again took his accountability and consequences and made it easier for him when he ruined everything and was willing to throw it away for some tail. shT like this🙄
@@vizeas I am still technically divorced, I chose to finish the divorce because I am protecting myself in that way. I may not ever even live with him again because I am so happy with my own space. I learned so much about boundaries and feminine energy that he will never get me in that position again. Because he is dealing with a new person. Our interactions are different now. He pursues me and I receive. I know my worth now and he hast to work to get his family back all the way. I’ve done things too in the past, never tried to hurt him but I did. He has gotten a lot of mental health help and came back to his faith. It’s been a long road and I will marry him again if I see long enough change. If he slips much at all I will move on. He got really lost and is finding his way back. I feel very in control of my situation. I have money because the court makes him pay 😜 but I am waiting to see if he continues to pay when alimony ends 😘 So far it’s been almost a year of me getting pretty much whatever I ask for. I need at least another year and a prenup 😄 I believe in God, I believe people can repent. But I’m not stupid
@@sammich-lp2qm you are correct about one thing. He realized on every level that life was better and less complicated with his family in it. He fucked up bad. How did I take accountability for him? He is the one paying loads of money out to me. I don’t have to work anymore and he treats me like a queen. I have my freedom and he takes care of his son when we are together as well as apart. I know it’s not a situation that everyone would understand. There was a lot more to it like him having PTSD from combat etc. not making excuses but you don’t know everything. And I don’t feel like writing a novel right now. God bless.
So true. When I got my first apartment with my kids father he initially was working FT and I only part time and I was paying more than half the bills at first and eventually he stopped paying anything and was having to borrow $250-300 from his parents to help me pay rent. During this very miserable, stressful time for me he plotted to leave me....alone with three kids, making $1100 a month...I found an apartment application and I looked him in the eyes and said, "If you're planning on leaving, you better find somewhere you can take the kids because I'm not going to be on the street with them while you're living it up with a bunch of roommates. He denied that's what he was doing but he was....and he changed his attitude.
omg, that's just disgusting baviour! How did he ever justify that crap in his head? Sorry you had to suffer that kind of treatment. Hope you"re doing better now. I wish you all the luck you can get on your way forward, blessings to your children as well! May you be able to find success and fulfillment in life!
Men hate how weak they were in your presence and will despise you for it, for tolerating them that way… you became weaker than him in the process and he knows it
why do so many women accept being called b-ches? to call a woman a female dog seems to be the norm in some communities. I know it ain't so in Africa but in the US it seems to be the norm. I don't accept it.
As a black woman I hate seeing so many black, latino, and queer men so casually refer to women as bitches and hoes. I never befriend these men or be in their face. I personally don't even like to use curse words.
As long as women overlook verbal disrespect, it will invariably lead to PHYSICAL disrespect. If men don't respect you from the get-go, then don't expect it to "get better". He showed you right there what he thought of women, when he referred to them as "bitches" (or other derogatory names).
Also stop having join businesses with these men!!! If he wants you to work with him. Get it signed legally. 1. Be his employer 2. Get paid a monthly salary 3. Get shares in the business Do not go into business with a man. Do not.!! Be a paid consultant. Everytime he asks for your advice make sure you invoice him. Payment must be made for everyting!!!!
We need to speak more on this! A men wanted wanting you to help him with his business. Promising you guys will be able to sell the business once it’s you’ve built it up for millions. How can women protect their interests legally
I live alone and my partner helps me with some stuff, but he was basically moving in here. I cut that right away. I don't wanna be a maid to someone in my own house. He is a great person but i just don't wanna live with someone. I did this with my past 2 boyfriends and it was the worst thing i could have done. Not anymore.
I will build myself before I build a man. That’s just time money and energy wasted. At least if I invest in myself I will se a return on my investment.
Honestly, I remember about 10 years ago, I nearly started a company with an old (actually first boyfriend) that I re met up with. Why did we end up starting a business with him………he spun me this sob story about how his brother had killed himself and so I felt a little sorry for him. Anyway….I fell into a deep depression shortly after meeting with him and planning to start a business. I text him to explain that I could no longer be in business with him and never once heard back from him. You would think that someone who experienced a death in the family from suicide would at least reply to the text right? Lol I now know that that depressive episode was my ancestors telling me to sit the fu*k down. I could have so easily gotten into so much debt because of him. Thank you ancestors ❤🥰🙏🏾
I did this for 11 years, and as soon as he got in a better position in life, I was an afterthought. Now I'm building me and could care less about his or any mans issues. Now he gets to watch my glowup via social media, and that petty part of me loves to see his face knowing a ninja can't get NOTHING from me ever again. Don't build a man, ladies. If he ain't got it, then he doesn't deserve you. Men will move mountains for the woman they want. If he's playing broke with you, then you are just a placeholder until the one wants comes along.
Love this video!! My momma has always said (because she was/is successful and did her own thing while in the rat race back in the Day) that “men find me intriguing, they want my help to either be just like me, or to help them ‘get on their feet’ and once they have gotten some of that power back, they proceed to try and break me like I’m a wild stallion.” The rather… extreme way I describe it, since there is a massive gap in time between a baby boomer parent and my millennial butt, is that that happens all the time, except, I have so _many_ hobbies and interest (any sort of career for me, personally, is separate and what brings the money in, though I hope to merge some things soon-hobbies + a small business) is that the men I know (and I’ve dated several different ethnic groups because when tan I am very Middle Eastern/Arabic looking and “exotic” ((rather dehumanizing tbh))) that there is almost nothing that a man can do or say that would put him _above_ me. And they’ve made up in their heads that I would actually care if he he was more skilled at something, or what have you-I just want to do stuff with a partner, it’s not a contest except in silly fun. And because I have those varied interest, instead of wanting to break me like a horse, it’s closer to attempting to skin tiger. Everything I am, from hobbies, to education, to etc etc etc (which aren’t how I define myself, why I’m flippant about the list) is seen as “dangerous” so they want to neutralize that danger. If someone views you as a man eating tiger, but is fascinated by all you are _as a tiger_ finding out that they want you to submit completely, and once you have helped them get their crap together, they remember the tiger is dangerous, and try to skin it so they can prove they’ve conquered the tiger, and then turn around and use everything they learned from the tiger, to get someone else. (Had another thought, it escaped me. Will edit the post if it comes back 😅) I love your videos. Especially because it’s not all filtered through “but not _men_ “ when everyone one knows that is not what a woman says when she is frustrated with the min in her life. I really appreciate your channel. I hope it doesn’t get deboosted once the YT highlighting black voices week/month stops.
@@CyberMachine this is true. But having your entire _everything else_ from personality to intelligence dismissed, put down, and generally mocked, with the only focus being “oh you’re _only_ attractive because you’re exotic looking” is very much dehumanizing. It follows the same principles of a man being judged only for his d^ck size (which I happen to fine offensive on their behalf) as dehumanizing. It’s dehumanizing when you can’t actually tell if someone is talking about a car they think is sleek, or a real person. Being exotic looking while still recognized as a person with interests and etc isn’t dehumanizing. Being compared to a lambo is. And this also goes for the women who “jokingly” compare men to d^ldos and how they’ll “never measure up.” Which just means people are having crappy s^x, and not that men can’t compete with some motors and silicone. Edit for clarity; If someone is dating you _ because_ you look mixed race and thus “exotic” and for zero other reasons, that is dehumanizing because it’s reducing you down to only looks. And at that point I’d rather suggest that whomever thinks that finds a middle the road priced sports car, and he involved with that, since if someone, to the people K was referring to suddenly decide that they only like half Asians and that trait is the reason r they are the interests in her (or him) then that is dehumanizing. It’s not appreciating beauty. I’ve had plenty people tell me I’m pretty without the under or over tones of being compared to an inanimate objet.
@@CyberMachine I can have standards. Also they might prioritize looks (I’m lucky to be conventionally attractive) but the absurd jealousy I’ve run across from men who _just cannot stand_ that a woman might have more education than they do, or know more about something than they do with their hobby speaks to more than just looks. They’ve been socialized to be entitled to whatever they want regarding “the fairer sex” and that has created fragile egos where a woman who might know more than they do in some shared hobby is almost always immediately put down and told they can’t _possibly_ know anything about said interest. They no longer have to be mature and responsible so they feel entitled to whatever it is their mind can come up with. I have nothing against the Feminism of 70 but they absolutely caused (accidentally) men to go “oh, you work, still clean, and will raise the kids? Neat. I can do nothing.”
@Crisjola That last part...it's exactly what I'm seeing as well. They have now decided they want wombmen to do it all. While they sit at home playing video games, likely having any children doing chores while they play like an oversized manchild. Seems they want to be treated like the wombman now but they have a warped idea of what that is. Somehow they want role reversal but not willing to do the cooking,cleaning, laundry, birthing and all the other hard-work a Mother and wife does. Yet they want to be wooed like a woman an treated with all the perks. They think wombman have. They are clueless apparently to all the oppression wombmen have endured over many centuries.
My father taught me to never mess with a bum. To focus on my goals & dreams, not chase after men and marriage. Don’t ever depend on a man or the government. Haven’t been let down since I listened. Successful men at my level or ABOVE only 💁🏽♀️☺️
I have no sympathy for Betty Broderick. Ain't no way in heck a man is going to push me to the point of unaliving him so I will spend my life in prison. She was stupid and messy. I just would have taken half his fortune and gone about my business. She destroyed the lives of 5 kids in one fell swoop.
@@Childfree334 According to Betty's daughter's book, Betty was the aggressor in her parent's toxic marriage. Her aggression towards Dan increased when he left her for Linda. Dan and Linda were no angels either.
@@TheKatangeseDollar I take what kids say with a grain of salt🧂. She doesn't know everything that went on in her parent's marriage. She is angry at her mother for unaliving her father, and rightfully so, but that gives her a reason to be biased.
Helped him to and from work with any little bus fare I had he got himself a car with his first check and wouldnt let me drive his car so I could look for a job by his second pay check he took his whole check and left me and our kids with no food and no money and gave it all to the same woman he cheated on me before that called our kids bastards and said f$#k them and she's absolutely enjoying it and said she wants to hurt me. He did this not even 3 months after my mother passed away. I am traumatized, I'm nearly on the verge of losing faith in a God, I dont trust anyone, I have secluded myself and I only go out when I have to do something for my kids. I dont want to be around anybody I'm broken inside and I'm just finished I dont want anybody anymore I just want to stay away from everybody this entire world I jus want to stay away from it.
Angie Stone sang about this in her song “Baby”. Funny that every generation of women is talking about this topic. Good points and advice in this video for women not to “build-a-man”.
ironic how men call CF women selfish but then they literally tell women to forget their own dreams, own wants for life.... to build HIS own successful career " need YOU to be miserable so I CAN BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL!" totally not selfish!!! 😂
If that's the case then we should just remain single. I hace met many people who have drained me financially and ruined me when my ass was better off single....
I’m not going to lie I learned my lesson from this because I tried to be this woman who was down and had his back and I got nothing in return. I was always looked for to pay for the tab for dinner, buy food for the take out, always was the one driving every where we needed to go and he never paid for gas but once he got himself together I was never taken on any dates he would plan them but never showed up, if we got food to go all of sudden it’s 50/50, he got his car he never came to see but was driving everywhere else and if we did go somewhere we had to meet up and once we broke up he did everything for the next girl showed up to dates and paid, picked her up , went to see her in his free time and that hurt knowing I was there for at his lowest and was unappreciated for it and ever since then my standards and boundaries has been sky high and now people say I’m mean, cold hearted and shallow for not wanting to settle and paying to the obvious red flags. Can never win.
Yet I know some people trying bash me for not wanting man I have to help. They say I act like I'm better than them and not in my feminine energy.. Sorry but my thing is this. If you can't put in. YOU CAN'T HANG. Cause IF I can't put in... I AM NOT DATING YOU. This ain't the 1600s to 1970s Another thing the horrible economic downturn since 2004 has messed a lot of people up and folks still trying to recover. Or the right things never happen to the right people but still be careful out here.
30-35 years old and still lost in the sauce? My question is that , this whole time what the hell that individual was doing ? If he ain’t got no goals, no ambition and work through them, he lazy. My name is Barbara but I ain’t no builder. You gotta remember, some people are ungrateful and some men are lazy asf just like some women out there.
You will be dead and gone before he acknowledges all your hard work and show even a smidgen of appreciation for you. If you're building a man, please understand that you are just a placeholder until he finds "The One".
Women warned me not to do this over a decade ago. That it wasn’t very smart to put his career first and step back. I don’t regret it. He followed through
It's sad that so many women have been traumatized by these relationships with jealous men. In the same breath, don't let the trauma stop you from being the generous person you are, just find an equally generous man that truly loves and respects you. A relationship is about partnership and uplifting each other, but its tough out here. I think the internet makes it difficult for men and women to trust each other or at least that's the perception that it gives.
Women also, if you have a friend who makes you feel bad for needing a provider because they may be a pick me and it hasnt got them picked yet... trust me pouring into a man financially will not make him loyal or treat you any better 😊
I don’t do the most for no man ! Ladies men go after the women they know they have to come through for. You would think they would appreciate the help but they actually resent you.
If you contribute to building a so-called man, you will end up being sick, and have diabetes, heart disease and/or cancer. It's never too late to run. Please sister run if you are in this situation.
