Why I don’t date straight women! A bisexual man explains… 

You sound awesome. 🩷😍

I'm a straight woman people are drawn to me but I think it's because of my chosen " religion I guess 😅 I'm way too down to earth so people feel comfortable around me lol

Same! I’m straight but seems like i attract bi men and some women 😭😭

Im also a bi dude and in the black community it's very heter-masculine rampant and it took till after HS that the suppression of what a whom I was started to unravel. I noticed that bi men (speaking for myself) I do enjoy women who are both feme and masc interchangeably energy-wise or wear androgynous clothing they're just far more interesting, kind, and just fine ash and we typically are less construed on what's "supposed" to happen in the relationship I just want you to be true to yourself. We appreciate your kindness

@@ayothatsrjofficial aw, thank you. You never realize how much of a weight you are carrying about gender expectations until you let them go.

@@ayothatsrjofficial Thank you so much for sharing

Thank you for sharing these thoughts and experiences. I hear you completely

I agree with this so much bi people understand bi people more

So glad! Thank you for saying. You are awesome. Xxxx

Hey thanks so much. Proud of you.

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Ah thanks for your kind words. I mean, I can move to Canada 😂

You are a one thirsty old queen... 😂

Aw thank you so much. You are so kind.🩷

Totally agree 😍

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I couldn’t agree more. It’s so unfair.

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Where can i find a bi man? Is this the uk

​@cupidok2768 Lool, we're out and about out there. Majority of us don't let it be known dye to Biphobia which is very common amongst most women

@@sverncollins5410 r u living for urself or others

@@cupidok2768 For my self

I’m so glad.

Best way. I'm straight and wouldn't date bi.

​@@user-eu6wp6ws7c Glad to hear it, I'm a Bi man and strictly only date Bi women

@@sverncollins5410 good, one less desperate bi male that we straight women can look over.

@@sverncollins5410 How can you be bi but only date bi women? You have to date men too right?

@randommess6667 I like men and women sexually, im sexually attracted to both sexes, but when it comes to romance, I'm romantically only attracted to women if that makes sense. For example, I like to take a woman out on a date, court her, spend quality time together, etc. I've had a "Romantic past with two men" it just didn't work out, I had to end it with both of them, I just can't be with a man romantically my mind just isn't attracted to that, alot ofBi men are like this also.

Just date Bi women, my dude, I'm a masculine presenting Bi guy also. In fact, when I'm with a woman, she has to be Bi or Pan only. I automatically reject a woman who tells me she is straight, I don't want to deal with their b.s. let straight men handle them.

Ah thank you so so much I truly appreciate your kind words. Totally hear you about dating…anyone! I’m exactly the same. Just remember you are amazing and perfect and will find love in its right way and at the right time. Sending you all the very best x

@@notdefining Aww thank you so much!

:)

Hey I hear you on this. I personally would only date bi or gay people. I know there are good hetero people out there but still. It’s a safety thing.

@@notdefining exactly, especially for us bisexual men cause it's somewhat a double standard.

You are loved

Glad I could help! This is fab.

Yes because straight, gay or lesbian people do not suffer from this real life issue. Bisexual people do. So you making a video about not dating bisexual people would be further embedding the reality that we face. Bisexual people choosing to protect themselves against a real lived experience of discrimination from straight gay and lesbian people is a completely different concept. It’s why All Lives Matter, Straight Pride and #MenToo are irrelevant. The scenario you mention is not an equal situation to what I’m describing in this video. Thanks for understanding.

You are making heterosexual women, as if they all think the same or are the same. You are generalizing a situation. Because of things like this, and these types of videos, if I were a heterosexual woman I wouldn't want to go on a date with a bisexual either. Because of things like this, no one takes them seriously. No all straight women are the same. It's as if I were saying "all bisexuals are PROMISCUOUS" but not.

​@@notdefiningyou're just salty cause you're not wanted by the women who will give you social validation. Just admit it.

Hey thanks for saying. Love this. I’m also ace and I get this totally too.

Totally. It’s the same thing

Hey thanks so much for watching and for your comments. Yes absolutely I love queer women and couldn’t see myself with a straight woman. I also don’t subscribe to the notion of going out of my comfort zone. I can have comfort. It’s lovely to have comfort. I think a lot of us queer people have lived outside of our comfort zone by default our whole lives. So actually when we find a little comfort in our own people it is very special. Does that make sense?

@@notdefining that is an interesting take on the comfort zone I haven't given too much thought about, but it makes sense. and it absolutely makes sense to stick in the comfort zone when you finally find it - who in their right mind wanna go back to wander in the wilderness when you've finally found paradise, if we can be a bit theatrical about it.

:)

I couldn’t agree more. I hate it.

Hey thanks for sharing. I’m so glad you are feeling much happier now.

I really appreciate this comment. I can relate to it so very much. I'm 36, I've been in closet my whole life about my Bisexuality. Very slowly I've been coming more n more to those around me except...my family and girlfriend, whom I've been with for 5 years. She's made it very clear to me also that she finds any kind of sexuality between men&men disgusting to her. So thats made it even more difficult and stressful to even consider talking to her about me and my feelings. There have been occasions where we have had arguments and she just randomly bursted out insults at me including that "I must also be gay or bisexual!" I asked her why she would think that? And she never truly gives me a straight answer. I've even had friends in the past that I came out to about my Bisexuality and they flat out said "yea we knew that about you already" I'd ask them how they knew?? And they'd answer vaguely with the response..."it's in your gestures and mannerisms" that's always confused me because I've tried so hard keeping it hidden and I don't think that I let out any flags? But apparently I do. Anyways back to the original point, I really want to ask you, for your sincere advice as one Bi man to another,...how did you find the courage to come out? How did you do it? Were you terrified? Has your life been much happier since making that choice? I suffer everyday because I wish I can just talk to my girlfriend about this without fear of rejection or any type of shocking disgust from her. I want to tell my family, but scared they will frown upon me and not see me the same way anymore. It's just terrifying, but every year the anxiety and depression of it gets worse. Please,, I'd be so deeply grateful for any tips or advice you can offer me to help get through this struggle. It's literally effecting my daily life to the point where I'm becoming a irritable, miserable, downer to myself and everyone around me. I just want to be happy and my true self, why can't I find the courage 😞 .

@laznunyabiz4133 my friend. I feel you so much. It sounds like you are going through an awful lot of pain in this. First of all you’re not alone. I have felt this way and many many others. We are all here for you and you are going to be okay. I promise. I think the fundamental thing is to build a super solid sense of self approval. Every single day tell yourself “I am the way I am and that is enough. I am a great partner. I am a good person. I deserve love and respect. I am who I am and I am enough. I am enough of a man. I am bi and it’s no one’s business. I deserve love and respect for who I am”. These kinds of words. Every single day. Every single day. Again and again and again. Then hold to it. Speak clearly, speak succinctly and STATE that you are bisexual. Do not ASK for approval. State it. You have to take the risk that people won’t like it. If they have questions you can answer them. If they don’t understand you can help them understand. But do NOT try to convince them or persuade them. This is hard and it takes huge courage. But you have already been open with other people so you know you can do it. You might lose people. But you have to whether the storm. Express yourself as you are and if they don’t like that then they can decide what to do about that. But do not minimise yourself for other people’s ignorance or hostility. If you would like mentoring on this you can come and chat it through with me at Patreon.com/notdefining or 1:1 coaching through notdefining.square.site. Im going to post some links to videos I’ve made that will also give you some further tips. I hope this is in some way helpful. You can absolutely do this my friend and we’re rooting for you every step of the way. Take it easy. Love, Mark x

Bisexual man - the story of how I came out to my wife, unbelievable reaction! (part 6) ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-dRAUUMb6KKA.html

9 secret stages you didn’t know about coming out ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ds_FFmO2vYU.html

Yes I would say it tends to be a little more open minded depending on where you are. You may try apps like Feeld which are very open minded. Best of luck. I mean, I am on the ace spectrum and really relate with what you’re saying.

Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you have.

It hard in this world

Thank you for expressing this. You are so appreciated and you sound absolutely stunning. 😍

Welcome aboard!

Thank you so much for sharing this. I appreciate it so much.

Sapiosexuality and demisexuality are so misunderstood no matter where one is on the sexual spectrum. And there is another commenter here who tends to attract bi men and women nailed it for me.

Biological Cis is a label

I've always been curious about Bi women who are repulsed or don't like us Bi men. I mean, we are just the male version of you guys who have the same sexual orientation. Then again, I only date Bi women that like and prefer Bi mwn

Hey thanks for your question. No not at all, apologies if it was a little unclear. What I mean is that most bi people date straight people because that is simply the most likely probability. Most bi people don’t know other bi people and live in societies where the majority of people identify as heterosexual. So when I say necessity I just mean that it is necessary for a lot of bi people to date straight people because that is literally who is around to date.

@@notdefiningOh ok, so you meant it more in a “chances are that person they’re with is probably straight” type of scenario rather than a “I guess I’ll have to settle for this hetero person because that’s my only option right now” ordeal? I know it would definitely bum me out a bit to learn that the guy I’m seeing is only into me because he hasn’t found other bi/pan people around him instead. Wouldn’t exactly be the greatest feeling lol

Totally

I’m not a dating expert, I am a relationship coach. I coach people to find what works best for them. What works best for me at the moment is being single and I am exceptionally happy. Does that make sense?

I’m so glad you’re here.

Have you tried talking with him about what else he desires in bed? Maybe you could try pegging? Just a thought

I’m sorry but this kind of conversation is why I don’t tend to date in the straight world. It’s exhausting to have to hear things like “you can be bi as long as you’re faithful to me!” I know you aren’t meaning to but you are suggesting that being bi has anything whatsoever to do with monogamy or faithfulness which is doesn’t. It has nothing to do with those things at all. It shouldn’t even come into conversation. But because people assume bi people are somehow less monogamous or less willing to be with one person, you get these offensive comments like the one you have just written. I know you are being accepting and being inclusive which I appreciate but can you see how even this conversation is uncomfortable for us. Even if you are a completely accepting straight person, there is a narrative here of “not all straight people”. “Not all straight people are like this so why are you coming for us?” This invalidates the very real lived experience of a marginalised group which is genuinely bringing up a real and pervasive problem. If you want to be supportive and accepting you can say “I’m so sorry you have had to experience this. I love bi men and would definitely date bi men”. You can just be supportive. Rather than try to debate our lived experience. Does this make sense? I’m sorry to be hard on this. Sadly you are one of the few accepting ones I have met so I don’t want to complain, but I just feel like you are so close to getting it and I want you to understand us. Sending so much love and sorry for this back and forth. You’re a good person and I can see that. Thank you for watching and engaging.

Speak for yourself because most straight women don’t think that way….

Oh Lord

​@@Rebecca.xoxoxoI'm straight and I agree with her .I like bi men too. I like anyone. Cheating is bad though.

Once again, why are you talking about bi men and then bringing up cheating? Why are those two things in the same comment? Bi men are statistically less likely to cheat than straight men. That has been shown in academically rigorous studies. So why are you talking about it? This is the whole problem.

Hey there. My wife is a queer woman. However that doesn’t mean anything about your marriage. I know it’s hard because we don’t get any information about how to navigate bi/queer relationships or how to be a straight partner to a queer person. I truly hear you when you say you gained hope from seeing us as role models. But you must never ever derive meaning from somebody else’s experience and apply it directly to your own. This is me. This is my experience. My marriage is my experience. My views are my experience. It is not yours or your partner’s. Most bi people are with straight partners. Most bi people have hetero conforming relationships. Most bi people are not even out. So most bi people get on really well dating straight people. The reason I made this video is precisely because it is controversial. It’s not the norm. It’s not the standard view. It’s actually quite a minority view that most people do not agree with. So please know that your experience is valid, perfect and completely separate to mine. The fact that you are here engaging with this content to try to be there for your partner shows that you are a special partner who is TRULY likely to be an amazing support and have a beautiful relationship that lasts…because you care. So please don’t be downhearted. We are a very diverse bunch and we are not one thing. If we try to shoe horn all of us into acceptable hetero norms then we are not authentic and that is where the breakups and the misunderstandings and the pain comes from. Really. Loving the full person in all your authenticity is the bedrock of every solid relationship regardless of gender or orientation. Right? You’re fab. Thanks for being here. Sending all my very best, Mark x

Hey thanks so much. I used to not be open too and only just started doing my nails this year. It’s still a journey. I know you will move through things in your own way in the right time. Sending so much love and support to you.

Yes indeed. Love this

Haha thanks.

Why not ask him out?

Err…this really wasn’t the point of the video at all. But thanks for watching.

​@@notdefiningwhat was your point than?

I don't think it's just a straight thing in regards to bi sexual people..gays and lesbians can be just as bad. A lot of people are put off by someone being bi sexual. When it comes to dating and preferences there's no right and wrong thing to be attracted to or not attracted to. A lot of women are attracted to super straight men but there are women who don't mind. I agree that it's probably easier to be with someone with the same experience because a lot of people cannot wrap their heads around bisexuality because we are only attracted to one sex.

​@@janx8695Straightness is just a sexuality not a performance but people treat as one. The same is true of queer monosexuality, the main issue is society has convinced people that somehow your sexuality says something about you and your behavior when ALL it means is the possibility to be sexually attracted to another person. That's it. What's being talked about on the video is pretty much directly that. The inability of the people of the privileged sexuality (straight women in this case, but it applies across all monosexual experiences) in that there is an annoying belief that if a male partner experiences bisexuality it somehow makes them incapable of loving that women and also somehow makes them more effeminate. All of that is pure nonsense, there meaningfully should be zero reason outside of personality compatibility that the presence of a multi sexual partner somehow makes it impossible for a monosexual partner to be in relationship with them. But because monosexual folks, particularly straight people, don't want to to the work of untangling this stupid idea on there heads it's often just better for a multi sexual person to get with another multi sexual person.

Bs

You're not bi, just an autogynephile(obsessed with your own body) like most women

So you dated two bisexual men?

no, you don't

🩷🩷🩷

Hey thanks for sharing your perspectives on this. I totally hear what you’re saying.

Oooh now this sounds interesting.

Because I’m talking about women and the distinction between straight women and bi/queer women. That’s what the video is about.

Yes. Welcome to being fluid.

What makes you think that an amazing, proud bi woman would want to date a sad biphobic person like yourself? Also….it takes a very special type of cringe to try to put down members of your own community. Please go away and sort yourself out. You’re sadly not original. We deal with this nonsense all the time. Pathetic.

First off, ew biphobe. As a bisexual and non-binary woman, your biphobia is pathetic. Also the trans and enbyphobia to… ew all around. So pathetic. We’ve always been around sister whether you like it or not, deal with it and stand with us. You’re either with us or not, there is no in between.

He is not a gay man, where did you get this information from? He is bi and guess what, non-binary too. I’m a bi woman and I’m very glad that someone like you would not date me. Natural selection! There are other lesbians who are not biphobic and would NEVER call a non-binary person “cringe”, who would date me, and I’d date them. It’s not a matter of being a lesbian, it’s a matter of being a decent human being.

Thank you for this. Love you x

Beautifully said. Thank you my sister. Really appreciate our community standing up for each other. 🩷💜💙