This was my experience. The narcissist was a lesson for me to be " wise as a serpent, but gentle as a dove". I needed to address people pleasing, lack of boundaries, fear of confrontation, and blind loyalty without trust. I initially thought the focus was the narcissist, but God showed me that I needed healing and work. The focus shifted and God set me free of the narcissist.
Help!!!! My son is engaged to a difficult woman and now I’m completely crazy that I’m the narcissist??? I gladly submit to God’s discipline as this is incredibly painful.
I feel victim blamed, but I do agree, not having experienced a 40 year relationship with someone who does not play by conventional rules, I would not understand other people. I just wish I could have stood up for myself, like, 35 years earlier.
I was brought up around a family of narcissists and to put them in the highest place of respect. My dad was the one who put us in this place. He kept us close to this family and was very encouraging when I married into said family. There were issues that they had with my mom, and my dad was the one who smoothed everything over so I could marry into their family. I do not believe my husband is a complete narcissist, but a number of his family members are.
Every other sin these days has an illness name. We can call it narcissism but is plain sin, selfishness, ego, machismo and lack of love and compassion. I am sure God does not have us in a narcissistic relationship, we got there by our own fast choice, thinking that it will change, but as soon as we cover all our responsibility with our children we can ask God to release us from our own mistake and He will do it and will even restore our emotional state and give us back the true love that He knows we need.
To be perfectly honest , the ONLY thing I wanted from my psychopathic , narcissistic spouse - my ' partner ' in life - was to be loved back . Of course , I didn't know who he really was when I married him , cuz he hid that from me . I used to blame myself for being so stupid , but I don't anymore . A sheep led straight to slaughter by a wolf in sheep's clothing .
@@dorothywilliams5481 Don't do that to yourself ...it's not about ' being stupid ' ... It's about the fact that people like this are master masqueraders . They're very well - practiced in destroying the psyche of a human being .
Thank you Kris. I only discovered about narcissism a few years ago. I have had multiple narcissists in my life beginning in family of origin. I consider myself blessed because God was with me all the time. In the last few years, God has strengthened me. I have come to the point where I say I want God’s will above. I pray and obey Him.🙏✝️🌈🕊️❤️
My lesson was i was too trusting of people who call themselves "Christian" and not understanding how important reading and studying the Word of God is. Wolves in sheep's clothing are EVERYWHERE and your only defense is discernment. The only way to have discernment is to know what the bible says.
Since my separation and divorce next month after 17 months? I now realize that God allowed this and put me out in the wilderness to refine me in the furnace and restore me back to him and his kingdom. God bless
Narcissists in my life were there, because I needed them. My dysfunctions called them to my life. As strange as it may sound, they were great teachers. I had to go trough hard way alongside with narcissists in order to stop being a victim and get rid of them. By the grace of God, I'm free now. Completely. Blessings from Poland, Kris, stay blessed.
Jesus, hear my prayers these past three years have been difficult on me I am weak. Give me guidance. Please come back soon I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. As a single parent things are hard on me both of my sons are autistic and my hours to work are limited because I’m now homeschooling them. I’m constantly struggling to provide the basic necessities for them I’m so ashamed. I suffered an heart attack and I’m battling lupus I’m overwhelmed. Lord heal me. Father God hear my prayers. I constantly struggle to pay my bills and struggle to provide groceries. BUT I KEEP FAITH. Even though I want to give up. Jesus please take the fear from my heart. Father God it is you that gives me the strength to keep going. I praise you Father even as I fear homelessness please continue to give me strength.
Deuteronomy 7:9..YOU ARE HIS CHILD AND HE IS YOUR DADDY..KEEP ON BELIEVING AND PRAISING HIM. HE IS FAITHFUL..SOES NOT LEAVE ANY OF HIS CHILDREN.. EVERY DAY LOOK TO HIM..HEAR ONLY HIS VOICE. MAY HIS LOVE FILL YOUR WHOLE BEING ABUNDANTLY... MAY YOU FEEL HIS HUGS AND ENJOY HIS PRESENCE, HIS CARE AND PROVISION TODAY....IN JESUS NAME...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. THE GREAT I AM WITH YOU MY PRECIOUS SISTER!!
I was married with a narcissist for 10 years.i cried and prayed all the years to change him.once after praying with somebody regarding this,the brother in Christ said to me: "The Lord wants to change you". I was so hurt Abt this.I said:Why me? I am doing somuch for this marriage I can't handle this abuse anymore.' But now,after 4 years of leaving him I understand:what the Lord said to me through that brother. God changed me.!!and I am letting him to change me. I am the one who needs Change!!
I don’t know that God has or wants us in this situation. He will however work it for your good, if you turn to Him, and also repent (change) your behavior … and your situation if you can. These relationships aren’t pre-ordained learning opportunities, humbling movements, not are they punishments. They’re more like tragic mistakes. Yes, I have learned a lot, yes I can probably handle a lot … but my own health afflictions, family issues, this is the last thing I needed or wanted. This person has made me physically and mentally ill.
Yeah, I refuse to believe that God wanted all that for me to. All the emotional hurt, confusion, cognitive dissonance and feeling crazy. Gut-wrenching crying cuz all you needed was for him to love and support you are giving to them.
My biological mother sold me to a man when I was 18 months old. I was rented out for the following 3+ decades. She was so manipulative and so convincing that no one believed me then. I found Jesus young but parts of me didn't believe. The trauma pieces that had been broken in my mind found Jesus one at a time. It's crazy how real Jesus is. I love this one the most so far. Thank you so much. This is so true. I love Jesus no matter what. Because He loved me first. ❤❤❤
I'm so sorry you had to go through that abuse and pain. Praise THE LORD you turned to Jesus and He gave you strength and hope to survive! Waiting and watching for Him as the world devolves as He foretold. Maranatha!
Hi from South Africa Kris, I testify to this. God broke me so that He could rebuild me in His image. I am a new creation and I see the struggle as a blessing. My children do too. We all also testify to His amazing protect and faithfulness
51 years of marriage, 4 kids and I keep remembering that one night when he came to pick me up for a date. We got in the car ( I was fresh out of high school, 18 years old) and he said, something to the effect, you came on a date dressed like that? You need to to change into something more appropriate! He hadn’t told me where we were going, I was dressed fine but I went back in and struggled with the humiliation. It took all I had to go back out. Through our entire marriage he has demonstrated that he is more important than me or anyone else. Just recently the doctor diagnosed me and medicated me with fibromyalgia. The doctor said to get 7-8 hours of sleep without a TV or any devices in the bedroom. That lasted two weeks. He now turns on the Tv every night. I have no where else to sleep. Whenever I consider talking to someone about it, it doesn’t seem like that’s what I’m supposed to do. I feel the Lord saying to just talk to Him. It’s always been hard for me to put me first in any situation. Our son and his family walked away from us. That was devastating for me. It’s been 7 years. God hates divorce. I’m not being physically abused. I have all my needs met and my husband tells me every day that he loves me. Truly, he says it every day because he does. But! I feel so alone in our marriage. I can’t even make a decision on anything because I have been overruled for so many years. I’m tired.
Nice job I'm saved and been married 41 years to one God can sometimes show you other couples that have more difficult problems that you can encourage them as they encourage you.
I truly love the fresh but Godly outlook you bring to this topic of toxic relationships. I found my strength since subscribing to your channel. You are truly doing God's work!
Kris- I want to thank you for this short but powerful video. I had fallen into focusing on what the narcissist is doing instead of focusing on what God is doing. I needed this course correction. Go God!!
In the late 90's I was in a justifiably dark place after a car wreck. I attracted a needy person who was in a dark place too. We had a ton of laughs over and at the time helped each other climb out. I only pegged recently that she probably has manipulative personality disorder but she's only crossed the line with me 3 times, one of them recently. She has been stuck in a bed for many of those years and she did listen to me when others didn't. Forward now 25 years, I've had a complete rump full. She is actively dying and has mush brain ( I guess ) making her say very mean things. Things she's really thought all these years. A Narc Aunt did the same thing for her last ten years. I hope she goes to the Lord soon ( to avoid end stage pain ) and because I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it together. I have to pray daily for patience. I've started fibbing a little to keep her from calling me all day. I know I could block her and all that but I don't want to risk any "good person" guilt later when she's not here anymore. She's a devout Catholic so I'm not worried about her soul... but her endless self centered yap yap is starting to affect my health and well being. I'm really seeing who she is psychologically and it's above my skill set.
Your messages are so on point and very comforting. Ive recently had to separate from basically all of immediate family and it's kinda put me in this weird spot emotionally and mentally, but I believe it's the right thing to do. Thank you my sister for your contribution to the kingdom of God. Jesus is Lord 💔
Thank you so much for this! I have been re-learning about narcissism through your videos the last couple of weeks and my eyes have been opened - especially when it comes to the reality that there are equally manipulative and charming Christian narcissists among us. For the last six months, I've been dealing with confusion, stress, and sleepless nights due to the sudden pull-back and toxic up and down to and fro behaviors from an individual I allowed into my life about a year ago. Because of their profession and them being a Christian, I kept telling myself "they are just going through a bad time, be patient with them" (among other denial self-talk). As it dawned on me a few weeks ago that their behaviors are not only classic Adult Child of Alcoholic-driven but also possibly NPD, I was blown away when I found your videos and writings on Christian narcissists. I NEVER would have thought the two could possibly go together, and yet... there it was: hitting the nail on the head with the realization that I had not just been enabling the ACOA behaviors but feeding my friend's need for narcissistic supply as well. Just today my spouse asked me why I thought God put this covert (and possibly histrionic) narcissist individual into my life, and then I saw your video uploaded the same day! God is so good. He's walking me lovingly through my "break up" with this former friend, and I finally feel free from the months-long bondage the enemy has had me in with this person mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Your videos started me on this path and I'm thankful. Can't wait to see more from you. God bless you and your ministry! ❤
#2 is so true. . .the signs were in front of me the whole time, ppl would warn me, justice of the peace that married us ⚠️, my dad ⚠️, my boss ⚠️, I was so naive! God did discipline me and I thank Him for allowing me to retake my test, until I satisfied my grade (lesson learned). . .while the lessons continue, God has given me a helper, a tutor guiding me to ensure I succeed to the the glory of my creator, thank you Holy Spirit. Learning His statues are humbling and my walk with Him continues to grow through these challenges. I know He loves me for He walks with me through and through. Baruch Hashem ❤
I woke at 2am not knowing I was bleeding to death. At the hospital they discovered my blood loss, and I knew I was close, looking at the Kingdom. I said a little prayer "God, I don't think I'm ready to meet Jesus today." That was said as they were trying to get my jugular vein connected to the transfusion. Later I was thinking I don't know people at all as I've always been a loner. I asked God to help me to learn about people. Wow! I had no idea people were so cruel and heartless. I had met a narc woman and she ripped me good. Then I was slandered in front of thirty people, accusing me of being a predator. I have learned a lot since that day. I imagine a lot of Christians say, "Yes but..." We all want relief from the pain and strain, it will come in due time. Just hold on.
I was homeless, did drugs, went into prison, where I got to know God. He changed my life. Now I have a home, a wife and a lovely year old daughter (Zoe), and a stream of income that gets me $32,000 Weekly. Plus a new identity - a child of God. Hallelujah!!!
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These videos are SO good. You are honest and encouraging, without sugar coating or letting the listener make themself out to be the victim or make excuses for themself. And on a side note, your clothing, make -up, and hair are so flattering on you.
For #2, you may have seen what today you know were red flags, "signs", but at the time you didn't know these were danger signs, precisely because of your upbringing, the way you were trained by incompetent parents to view and behave in the world. Let's be careful against victim blaming here. Whatever happened to you isn't your fault. Period. There's no disciplining needed here. What you need is a way to heal, and take care of yourself. In love.
Once I educated myself I began seeing the red flags. This was what I thought was the love of my life for 37 yrs He finally got a divorce after being in a horrible relationship for 25 yrs. I spoke with his ex but did not to believe the things she had told me. I didn't want to believe her and she never identified him as a narc. After 5 yrs of this constant abuse, lies, gaslighting, projection, criticism, cheating and just plain mean all under the guise of loving me. I finally left him after praying that God would release me. He keeps trying to come back but the Lord is protecting me🙏🙏
Consider 2 Tim 3:5; if youre relationship with your narc is getting to the point youre thinking of jumping off a cliff, or you are flexing your hands envisioning the frying pan bonk or something more permanent to rid you of your enemy, start packing your bags (without them knowing of course) and make a plan of escape. I drove away from our cabin at 430am very quietly after i coerced him into signing for my car, putting it in my name, then i left some clothes hanging in the open closet with 1 pr shoes there, put all my previously stowed clothes in the back of the car, with 50 lbs dog food, quietly put my dog in the car, and drove away, never to return. I had ceased my job, and went to live with my sister, who was renting a room in a country house whose phone was not under her name. He stalked my parents house for months but i met them elsewhere, and he never found me. I got a divorce after he committed THAT sin, didnt take very long.
I was rather young at the time, 21, and my plymouth brethren mom wanted me to stay with him; I told her I could not. I didnt know the BIble very well, but I told God, you can kill me for leaving him if you want, but im not staying and i dont care if you kill me. ya it came to that! when i drove away I was half expecting a lightning bolt to hit me! but im now almost 50 yrs happily married to a fine christian man. @@Lilly2Gbtg
I am not ready to jump off a cliff but he used his tactics finally on the kids and would not stop being cruel even after two days of me being calm, kind and reassuring of the rules we were given by counselors and marriage mentors. He cursed at me, our mentors and spiritual leaders ( who werent there). It was bad. I have endured this for a decade and the past year its gotten more intense and frequent between cycles and worse each time. My kids are worried and scared. I heard from a John Deloney video him say “You never fully exhale in your own home”… that caused me to bawl. I am unsure what I will do yet but this cant continue.
Hey Kris, I just want to say - thank you for pointing to Jesus for some of the difficult challenges we face today. It's quite unlike anything else I've seen - God bless you. This was practical, encouraging and applicable.
Pray for my family, husband doesn't recognize when is wrong and pretend nothing happened, gove me silent tratement, intimacy at 4-6 months,live alone in another room,running for responsibility and not keeping or and giving a roof amd food for us..
Thank you Kris for your videos! I've learn and gain soo much knowledge from you. I love how your videos are short, gives practical solutions, and most importantly always according to Gods Word. Please continue to make more! God bless you!!!
I love the Lord Dearly. I grew up with a Narc/ sociopathic mother who I believe definitely effected my fathers health to an early death before he divorced ( he had had enough). She ended up Pitting my sister against me, underhandedly stole my sister & I inheritance. ( has zero remorse). Is arrogant, prideful, and unloving. Her meaness and evilness is something I am forced to deal with daily. My life is so difficult .. because of decisions she made to put self first instead of being a good mother. I have no love for her.. ( nothing there to love whatsoever) and truly don’t want to feel this way. I’ve asked for forgiveness ..to the Lord, but the anger rears its ugly head .. & I become overwhelmed with sadness & grief.
Thank you for this video. Plz shade more light on why we are born in narcissistic households and how to leave your narcissistic parents if you can't provide for yourself. What could be possible reasons for you being stuck with them? What God is trying to teach after we have already learnt so much?
Its not God allowing its you don't have courage to leave. People use grace mercy love and forgiveness to tolerate and stay in bad relationships. We also use it to go back to bad relationships. God is going to judge how we treat people not tolerate people. Don't be a slave to grace mercy love and forgiveness.
I agree 💯💯💯💯 . It's up to the victims to choose . There is nothing spiritual about staying in abusive relationships. It's up to victims to decide whether they will stay n continue tolerating poor treatment and waste their years waiting for God to change the narc spouse . Or read the writing on the wall and leave. And also remember that forgiveness does not mean getting back into the abusive space. It's about letting go , and letting God .
Wowww psalm 119:71 that sums up the thought of gratitude I had today. I thought wow if I hadn’t had this life experience the Bible wouldn’t make as much sense as it does to me. There is a huge difference in understanding when I read the scriptures now that I’ve been through a huge discard and smear campaign with “Christian” narcissists. The Pharisees make sense. Jesus’s words against them. The whole Bible makes so much sense because these people have come into agreement with Satan and think and behave like him.
Christ said, "offenses must come". Depending on how we handle those offenses will determine whether we become stronger or bitter. Christ learned by the things that He suffered, a servant is not greater than his or her master. One week His bride was greeting Him with flowers & palm leaves & the next they were screaming crucify him !
I am extremely concerned about my grandchildren . My daughter , their mother is a cruel narcissist . She has been able to manipulate the judicial system the DEPARTMENT OF CHILD WELFARE SERVICES ECT ECT . There isn't anything else I can do to try and protect my grandchildren. I have prayed and I trust GOD , However , not even GOD will go against the will of anybody . What would YOU do in this case
Thank you for what you do. I enjoy your videos. I see a dangerous pattern happening though, because it seems that if you give someone an answer they don't like, the narcissist label or toxic person label is stuck on you. They have become very overused. Society needs God. He is the only answer.
It is so true. While the awareness of narcissism is good, it certainly has been overused and even abused and people want to use it as an excuse to justify feeling offended. That's why we're called to speak the truth in love and leave the rest to God.
And when the narc in your life is a parent and you’re a disabled adult child who remains dependent on the narc parent through no fault of your own? And there’s no way out even though you’ve tried your best to get away?
I am hesitant to label a person as a narcisist, but I do see that the person I have in mind has some of the traits of a narcasist, such as being manipulative, never thinking she does anything wrong, has a high view of herself, has a big ego, she is controlling, etc. However, I am having a hard time thinking that she is completely reprobate in her motives. I have come to see that she is a hurt person and has put up some "protective bariers," but I don't think it is right for me to abandon the person. I have been watching many videos on narcisism so I can understand how I should respond to her, but some of the advice seems to be narcissistic itself. For example, I hear that if a person is a narcisist, you should effectively shut them out. I do see that I need to establish boundaries and that I should not let the person reel me into their manipulation tactics, but how do you do that without shutting them out and adoptimg narsasistic tactics myself?
By limiting contact to minimum, not sharing anything important, not having expectations otherwise you will be constantly exposing yourself to the danger of becoming, acting like narc, being angry, frustrated, depressed and even suicidal, that you gonna blaming yourself for all these feelings you are feeling so you gonna go back, trying to compensate somehow and that’s a vicious cycle, going nowhere, very dangerous, serious situation. Limited contact, no expectation, no exchange nothing you might regret is the only solution.
I really struggle with how to respond to their behavior. I was indirectly called a liar the other day as i was asked via text if I was able to call said person. I replied, no I am unable to call right now as i am expecting an important call. Now because i was seen out in public at the time i was due to recieve this call apparently im a liar and just should have said I was shopping. Shopping was not the reason i couldn't make the call to him receiving the phonecall was the reason i couldn't make the call 🤷🏼♀️ yes i probably should have hurried with all my errands and been home in time to take the call rather than receiving it in public but that doesn't justify his reaction. But what do you say to these people when no is not a justifiable answer and they come back at you with stuff? Ive watched so many of your videos but im still stuck when it comes to responding to their reactivate replies.
not meaning to sound critical, but it is very complicated. Sure, I saw red flags, but how bad could this be? my gentle parents definitely had their rough times, but i had absolutely NO IDEA what I was in to until i was in waaayyy deep with three little kids. and divorce was not in my vocabulary........
