Respond DON'T React with a Narcissist! Learn how to disarm a TOXIC Person 

Anyone who decides to leave a Narcissist is an incredibly strong person and should be proud of themselves :)

Not reacting and keeping your mouth shut is one of the hardest things in the world to do.

“What someone is doing to you is a reflection of themselves.”

Do no react. I've done it. You lose. Do not respond. I've done it. It wastes time. The narcissist will not change. No point in calling that person out. Leave. The fix is to leave. It is hard, but it hurts more to stay. Leave.

Don't waste your life fighting a toxic partner. Run for the hill. Start over.

I feel like this supposedly fake buddha quote sums the message you're saying nicely: "One day the Buddha walked through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. The man said: “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.” The Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man: “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?” The man was surprised and answered: “It would belong to me because I bought the gift.” The Buddha smiled and said “That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”

No reaction and No response is a response and a powerful one.....and you don’t lose yourself or control...🙏🏼

Removing your self is the most powerful thing you can do 👏🏽👏🏽 and giving them zero attention

I've learned to trust my anger to tell me how much a boundary has been crossed. I don't dismiss my anger. Anger is like a fire alarm that requires action to achieve safety.

The best way to respond is, dont respond! Drives them crazy!

It's a nightmare if you are married to them. You can't escape if you live with them, you can't leave the situation so easily.

It's pretty sad when grown ass adults don't know how to regulate their emotions and they walk around angry and lash out on everyone..this video describes my "family" member

NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT.

I've learned a narcissist is an emotional leech, parasite.. so never respond with emotion.... respond the way they do..... Emotionless.

My favorite thing to say after they insult me is, "Well,this conversation has run its course. I have some things to do. " "You're entitled to your opinion" and "I hear your viewpoint." This is all about non engaging.Wothdraw your presence and attention,just as you would with any rude person.If they say humiliating things in public say "Wow...That's really hurtful. Long silence*. Don't take the bait. Look crestfallen and let others see just how cruel they are. If they apologize then say, I accept your apology ,but this is happening a lot. Why are you so hurtful so often?" Put it back where it belongs. And watch them back pedal. Practice keeping a blank expression and watch how much they are confused. They don't know where to hit anymore. Good luck and never take your old devices with you because spyware can sometimes survive a factory reset. Get rid of them. Otherwise they'll continue to try to make your life hard and listen in 0n everything you say to Drs,lawyers etc. Trust me,it has happened to me and many other women. And some women were killed when he found them. Be safe, and make a clean get away. And remember, and old device,if it's around a new one,can transfer infected files/ spyware via data sharing or Bluetooth or pairing device. Turn off mail forwarding and be careful who you give new number to. Because if they give your ex your new number he can send spyware via text as well. Secure your router and home network and ensure your smart devices are not hacked. Use Non -WiFi security cameras,so he can't hack in. Trust me,they have an unnatural insatiable need for control. Why? Because if they can't control you,they lose control over themselves, and then Anything can happen. Be careful, and use wisdom on whether to get a restraining order against him. Sometimes it just makes them even angrier and then they really believe that they're a victim,then they escalate. It's only a piece of paper. And cops don't really help until after a crimes been committed. Be vigilant about your safety,vary your routines and check your car and belongings for tiny GPS trackers. You cannot be too careful. Better to be cautious and alive,than to be dead from underestimating the seriousness of the situation. Get a taser and pepper spray,take self defense and new device. You can't be too careful. Be safe and sound. Hugs to all survivors.

This was SOOOO helpful to me. I struggle with co-dependency, and my husband is a narcissist and passive aggressive. Everything you said makes so much sense! By God's grace I was able to take the super hard step to walk away from our very toxic marriage and initiated a separation (we have been separated since January). Thank you for the assurance that I'm on the right track :-)

As time passed I realized you can only control your response to someone you can't control another person's behavior.

1. Know who we are dealing with 2. Understand where your wounds are 3. Learn how to mask your emotions. Not allowing the person to see they have upset you. Set boundaries. 4. Learn how to love yourself when someone hurts you. Learn to love yourself through that.

Pay attention to what they accuse you of because its the closest thing to a confession that you'll ever receive from a narcisist

Helpful! Also, being in a position where you don't feel listened to or safe isn't a conversation. It's good to say, "You know, I'm going to go. When you're ready to have a conversation about this, where we both have the ability to talk and to be heard, let me know." It's empowering when you speak up for what you deserve. You teach people how to treat you.

I find I am mentally healthier and happier by not having a friendship with any toxic people in my inner circle. Life is too short to spend time and energy with people like that are negative and verbally abusive.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is a classic Narcissistic apology....

Easier said than done. Often the person pushing your buttons is someone you actually care about, such as your teenager, spouse, student, or a parent. No one is all bad, no one is all good. Each and every one of us is hurt and damaged in some way. Staying unemotional and setting boundaries is one thing, but walking away, especially for good, is dismissive and not always possible. A permanent goodbye would depend on the extent of their gaslighting. But most attempts to work us up are subtle and cumulative over time.

I like the “ respond vs react “ because a response is warranted! Having the fortitude to respond to nasty dark toxic is fine as long as it isn’t emotional. Calling out their unhealthy is ok

Evil people hurt people.

They're lashing out to release the pressure of how they feel about themselves inside. Thanks for sharing that. It helps.

Your talking about avoiding falling into a pitfall of negative emotions that your offender is pressing you against.Walking away when you see it that way truly is empowering because YOU CHOOSE TO NOT PLAY "THEIR GAME."I love it you made me understand.

7:14 This is SOooo important, and it's a hard decision to make when you understand the other person's background/problems. However, if they're attacking you... it's no longer about them. It's about YOU, and what's best for your own wellbeing.

It's hopeless. Start working on your exit strategy. Stop wasting your precious time. You can't fix someone that does not know they're broken. It will be a cold day in Hell before a narcissist goes to a psychologist. The Narcissist knows everything, they are much smarter than any psychologist. Just get away from the narcissist as fast as you can, that's the only way.

They always come with a nice style, makes you talk open up, showing you heart, then they take the knife

Living with a narcissist who has a terrible temper even after years of therapy is terrible. It's really been destructive to my sense of self, confidence, and how I feel. It's done damage for sure but I am trying to become aware of how this has affected me and what I can do to get better until I can get to the point I am able to support myself. That day cannot come soon enough. It's really hard now and has been for a long time. Covid made it even worse. I just want to get out of this situation now.

Remember by leaving a narcissit your respecting your self and not only that your protecting your mental and emotional well being

I was waiting at the bank the other day seated next to a very elderly lady who smiled at me and proudly said, "I'm celebrating my 67th wedding anniversary tomorrow." I smiled back and asked, "What's your best relationship advice?" She quickly replied, "If your man gets unruly, just walk away my dear....just quickly walk away without saying a word..... just walk away."

The more mature you act with a prsn like that the meaner they are towards you.... so be prepared for that, and continue to focus on positive things and let go of the negative

Thank God people like you are making these videos to help people. My narcissist husband used my childhood abuse to completely screw up my head at an especially vulnerable time in my life. My mental health was being abused by using my abuse against me. At 37 years old I never met a narcissist or knew what signs to look for. These videos saved my mental health. I’d have ended up in the psych ward if I hadn’t stumbled across these. I cannot thank you enough. 🙏🏼

The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Standing up for yourself can be tiring at many times, the mental and emotional exhaustion that they drive you to.

9:00 - “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to be around someone who speaks to me that way.” Brilliant!

Walking away is very powerful. I walked away from my father when I saw he was getting going, and removed myself, and he followed me to my room and cornered me. 100% powerful stance to say "No I'm not going to do this with you" if it evoked that big of a reaction. Because they want you to stay and play their game.

My experiences with the narcissist husband makes me realized he cracks joke , make fun of me , degrading , embarrassing, or insulting me just wanted to see me in shucked ,speechless , and emotionally in pain reaction-to his behavior , I can see it just like drugs to a drug user, I believe he uses my reaction as his supplies, the more I feel sad and in pain the more he enjoys and happy. I have learned and know better now. Thank you for Stephanie ‘s Film and all of your comments . 💗

Staying calm, & not giving the reaction! Is the best medicine I guess.🤓

Hey, Stephanie. I can't remember which video it was but I love when you quoted, "crazy will make you crazy" and "unhealthy will make you unhealthy". Couldn't agree with you more 100%!

Thank you for this. I started to cry because as of lately my marriage been in shambles I seem to do everything wrong and criticism comes at me daily. Fights are picked and I just don't understand why everything that I say he just seems annoyed at me and just short-tempered. It could be something so little and I get this attitude and I just think that he doesn't love me anymore. I work but he works more and that's always shoved in my face that he does way more and I should know my role and be a better mother. Not bother him about problems with our child. Our child is special needs I thought venting was okay to do in a marriage but I guess I'm wrong When I tell him that this hurts my feelings and I feel like I can never do right then he claimed that I'm playing the victim. He claims that he can never talk to me but I feel like I'm always so patient with him. I've never felt so alone sitting next to somebody that I love so dearly BUT someone that I CAN'T rely on for emotional support or physical like when I was sick. It's hard for me not to see that it's NOT my fault I guess I'm a lot emotionally and physically because I'm been dealing with a certain illness that's debilitated my life for a little bit. Thank you for this advice I definitely need to work on self-love I've never had any.

After living with a narcissistic grandmother who hated me for 13-14 years, I’ve had enough. Really good video. 1. Knowing your wounds 2. If someone damages your vulnerable spot and you understand your wound, have an inner dialogue.

I was the toxic person. And you have no idea how much your videos are helping me. I didnt realize jst how bad i was until i stumbled upon one of your videos. It opened my eyes. It hurt so much but every point you made described me so perfectly. it helped me realize that i needed to walk away from my "partner". Just as much for their sake as my own. I was causing them so much pain and once i realized i was the problem i realized i had to leave so that they could be as happy as they deserved to be and so i could work on myself and my issues and hopefully one day be as happy as I deserve to be.

My sister just unleashed a litany of abuse at me. My response was and I quote “all that you have accused me of, is in your heart.... not in mine”.

I am on a work team of 3 people. BOTH my teammates are TOXIC. I didn't stand up for myself right way and now they walk all over me and are downright rude and unprofessional. I am watching your videos to learn how to CORRECTLY stand up for myself so that I don't risk my job or reputation. Thank you for making these free videos.

I absolutely agree with you! If you step down to their level and react the way they want you to then ultimately you are just as better as they are It doesn’t solve anything. Especially if they are narcissist. They will use it to play the victim and make you look like a monster and escalate the situation even more

I've been doing it wrong for so long. Every time I would react they would seem to glow or get turned on. It's them feeding off of my energy that makes them feel better. Now I'm realizing what their game is, don't react, don't give them pleasure of knowing they've hurt you. Thanks for the clarification.

My spouse hated being walked away from. Towards the end of our relationship, he got more aggressive than ever before. That's also the same time I started standing up for myself and stopped taking his crap. The more emotionally independent and confident I became, the more I learned to "respond" to his abusive tactics rather than react. Which resulted in his attempt to try harder. Eventually, I had to leave cause he would threaten to hurt me if I walked away from his arguements. Of course I walked away anyway because I wasn't going to allow him to EVER think that I would "bow down" to his threats out of fear. Nope!

So so true... as a small child I recognized my parent had narcissistic tenancies, even though I didn't know the theories behind the behaviors. It is so fascinating and amusing (for the wrong reasons) observing this person align themselvs with people they perceive as worthy, at the same time turning everyday interactions into conflicts to achieve some sort of alleged "wins" to settle some kind of internal scorecard! They are offended by a warm summer breeze out of the wrong direction that is inconvenient! Witnessing family members and "friends" bend over backwards over and over and over to temporarily stop disrespectful comments, treatment, and tantruming. Once I learned the term "hollow shell" the picture was complete!

I dealt with many of them by giving them what they want. Afterwards I leave them alone for ever. I stay away, and make sure they never have access to me again.

Watching this every morning until it's engrained in my mind and my thinking. Thank you!

_MISERY LOVES _*_GOOD_*_ COMPANY._ One bad apple in a basket of good apples 🍏 will always rot and destroy all the other apples in the basket. It’s never the opposite.

In my experience the best response to negativity is to simply say "thank you" and move on. And of course you will be "tried" again and again. Just respond again with the same "thank you" until they give up and move on themselves or the negativity dissipates. Any reaction only fuels their fire. One caveat here: make certain you are not actually the narc in denial.

Thank you for this; I needed to hear it. Even after studying domestic violence for years, I was still hurt last night and questioning myself after my abusive ex-husband contacted me, gaslighting me. I've had a counselor tell me WHY I was in that relationship, but she didn't tell me how to handle it, in order to fix myself and have peace. I really appreciate it Stephanie.

I hate when you respond with no emotion and they assume you’re accepting what they say 😑

My soon to be ex husband has the emotional maturity of a 3 yr old

A protective bubble is such a strong protection....Great lesson that we need to learn.

I am so grateful to have run across this video. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and a domestic abuse survivor as well. Thank you for giving me the tools I need to survive and ultimately thrive after the aftermath.

Best comeback to say to someone who says something very hurtful to you, say excuse me I'm not a mirror 😁✌❤

It's bullying, they love to get a rise out of you and they know you will react. I am learning to create boundaries and hope next time if they say something to me I will respond rather than react or just cut the relationship..

I lived with a narcissist for 14 years. He almost killed me mentally and emotionally but I refused to let him kill my soul. It’s very difficult to be in that marriage and painful to be out of it because he could not accept defeat so the more he became meaner and vindictive. I thank my own family, my children and most of all, I praise and thank God for all the love and healing. Thank you Stephanie for sharing your expertise. God bless you always for all your helpful counseling vlogs.

My mom is a Narcissist. It's mainly about your reaction. They want to bring out the worst. They need you to react. Self gratification, I guess.

When someone is trying to hurt you, treat them the way you want. Do not cater to them at all.

Being with a narcissist and going through abuse is God forcing us to learn how to love ourselves.they are not going to do that for you.its a blessing in disguise but you can get through it.💪💪💪I love you all. You can do this

Thanks for your messages that only 'hurt people' hurt others. It helps to ease the pain and anxiety when one's being attacked!

Stephanie, I don't know how you did it, especially since we've never met and this is the very first video I've seen of yours, but you climbed right inside my head and hit every self talk and feeling that I've been having lately. Your words have helped me tremendously. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Responding instead of reacting , is a sign of emotional maturity. Trying my best to practice the right way to respond properly on situation that really pushing your limits in dealing with an emotionally, psycholigically abusive person. Truly grateful for having the opportunity to watch and learn a lot on improving my self, by loving my self. God bless you more Ms.Stephani, your videos are truly a blessing to me just timely.

My ex of almost 4 years brought out the worst in me. It’s only been a few days since we split, and I’ve been immersing myself in these videos to help me find myself again.

It's crazy how I found your video about 2 years ago about boundaries and you helped me so much. You helped me become so much more aware of who I wasn't and who I needed to be ever since I found that video, I've become such a stronger individual and you always say such amazing and eye-opening things when I need to hear it most. I love you girl!

The information in this video is completely right on target! This lady offers so much wisdom to the listener. ♥️

Screw disarming them. Just stay the hell away, and keep them out of your life!

Wish I had all of this information 45 years ago

This video was very therapeutic for me. It definitely helped me see that I need to change how I respond to the toxic people in my circle. ❤️

I have been dealing with a manipulative SO. At first the only thing I knew how to do was to just stonewall so as to not react, but I have been getting better at listening and not reacting or getting angry. She will constantly reflect and try to push buttons while asking if I am getting angry, and I finally understand why.

Thank you Stephanie. It took me two months after I left my ex husband to quit responding to this type of behavior and that drove him even more nuts. It was the hardest thing I ever did, to quit responding to him. People didn’t understand. They said I shouldn’t let him get to me. They said I have to control the way I react and I knew that; however it was so hard! I had never encountered something like him before so I didn’t see at first what he was doing. Thankfully it’s over now, 3 years later, he has no power over me anymore, not for a long time.

When you hold this standard and not react they keep trying other ways to make you.

Yes 🙌 LOVED this video! I have told my son the same thing about bullies since he was a child, but I have continued to be bullied by my mother for years! Bullies (narcissists) are just insecure and miserable, and they always will be. Just as you said we need to know it has nothing do with us-they are acting that way because THEY are so miserable 😩 and have no outlets for it other than tormenting other people! Elderly parents with narcissism are especially hard to deal with. And it just goes through the generations, it is a hard cycle to break, I am a 3rd generation single mother as well. Thank you so much for this video ♥️

I have been learning a lot about narcissistic behavior lately, and I am almost positive the dentist I am paired with (as their technician) is a narcissist. I use to be on her good side for the first year I worked beside her, but then out of nowhere she started getting frustrated w me rly easily. I can tell she is feeling insecure and projecting her feelings onto me. She hasn't been taking accountability, and she only wants her side of things to be heard. Looks like i have been reacting properly to her behavior majority of the time. Thank you for this ♡

The hardest part of the battle is being ganged up on.

You're absolutely right Stephanie! It's a reflection of themselves, my sister is a narcissist and i believe that she doesn't have self-love, she is always looking for ways to hurt the next person, negative, abusive, a liar,conniving, causes divisions, completely poisonous like a snake. You are spot on!

I wish I could express the extent of how much by just listening to you coaching this has helped and validate me. I truly need to work on this specific aspect, and my self worth. My emotional reaction is magnified, because not only am I just an emotional being like most of us humans, but i also suffer primary and secondary ptsd which triggers extreme reactions. It's so HARD, but I feel that you have given me hope and the tools to practice and start protecting myself. For that, I thank you 1000 x over!

I feel is best to ignore and cut ties 100% because what they want from you is a reaction or start an argument. “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” if you are a believer and read the bible this is 100% true. Stop seeing friends in common. Avoid going to the same places. Don’t talk about them to anyone and focus on something else. Now if you live with them, plan a safe exist where you never have to look back or get in touch with them. Once you are gone you are gone. No second chances they will never change.

Such good advice, don't engage in a power struggle with someone who is verbally abusive and narcissistic.

I happened to stumble upon this channel while I was desperately looking for help. It’s hard for an empath to come to terms with their life experience. Empaths, given their nature and outlook to people. They constantly are looking at their own flaws and go on a journey of sled sabotage. Thank you for the amazing work put together.

Just want you to know that your videos are saving my life (not exaggerating), thank you so much for sharing these for free ❤ I have been going through so much with a toxic person in my life & have been trying to make sense of it all, but watching your videos has been the thing that has helped me understand how this kind of person thinks & helps me at least prepare for the backlash when I assert my boundaries. I am so grateful🤍

I’m keeping this video to rewatch over and over again! Thank you! 🙏🏽 “I’m not gonna be around someone who speaks to me that way” 👏🏽

Thank you! We all need to know how to deal with toxic people. Yes, hurt people hurt people!

Hurt people hurt people.

I love watching all your videos, they are helping me through with my broken heart, recognising and understanding abusive behaviour and to stand up and walk away

Thank you for this clear explanation, the world we live in is so complicated at times, we should all learn about this when we are young so we don’t have to suffer all our life from abuse…

If you are weak, want to move on and regain your serenity, go no contact.

God... ive needed this since forever. I have been picked out deliberately by these people no matter where i go and i need to find out why that is and how to stop drawing them in.

Thank you for this tool and information. It is empowering and essential. Well said. And I’ll remember: HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.

I am able to realize that and I love that you say "parent myself through it." I find that I have self-soothed and know myself so well that I say "You don't decide who I am or what I am." "You don't decide if I'm beautiful or ugly, etc." People don't know how to respond to that.

Hurt people do hurt people. After working with a narcissist for 7 years, I've learned so much. You cannot allow yourself to insult others. We can choose who we hang around with and that's our prerogative. I have always told my kids that I will not argue with them and it is important that we have adult conversations. So I tell them to come back to me when they can talk like an adult. They love it.

This took me so long to master. He knew exactly how to trigger me. What I did was I started expecting and got myself ready for him to trigger me. So when he finally blew up and said hurtful words, I was calm about it. I didn’t let him get to me because I already prepared myself by telling myself that whatever he gonna say I know it’s not true. I always feel like he test me. Like he want me to say something hurtful back but it’s just not me.

I needed to hear every single word. Immediately felt better and relieved. Thank you!!! Already shared and gonna listen to again!

it is so calming listening to you speak. you make me feel safe💚