Why Men Pull Away - His #1 Hidden Insecurity (He'll Never Share)

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“Why Men Pull Away - His #1 Hidden Insecurity (He'll Never Share)”
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In this video, Jack and Clayton are going to talk about the number one vulnerability that your man will never share to you.
This video aims to help women pull back a man’s psyche and explore something that a lot of men probably experience but may not be in touch with themselves.
Also, this video aims to serve women by giving them more understanding and arm them with tools that will have women get their men to open-up.
THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE:
#1: You can start to understand their actions more fully,
#2: You can understand why men pull away,
#3: You can understand why men leave
#4: You can understand why men start to act cold and calloused or emotionally unavailable
#5: What that does when you have this understanding is you then have the freedom to no longer take what they're doing
The gross point: most men when they're struggling internally, don't find it easy to communicate that.
This internal struggle is there, whether you are just meeting a guy, whether you're talking to him on an online dating app, whether he's approaching you, whether you've been on several dates, or whether you're in a relationship with a guy right now and really getting to know him. And that internal struggle the best way to say it is that at a core level within a masculine man there is a deep sense of inadequacy.
The difference between confident men and guys that are really insecure, it's not that they don't have this voice there, it's not that this insecurity is not there, it's just the confident men don't allow their actions to be an expression of this deep fear - where men that may come off more insecure are the ones that are very reactive to this internal message.
It’s called the Internal Critic Metaphor.
The voice of doubt. The voice of self-criticism. The voice that tends to find the things that you're not good at, find the potential things that could go wrong, blow them up and kind of play it repeatedly.
How do we know that this exists within men?
It's this fear that is stopping them from being vulnerable and maybe taking things to the next step with women.
In one way if you're already in a relationship with a guy, it's understanding that this fear might be just under the surface tickling there. And if you are maybe in the beginning stages of dating, that emotional safety can be created through receptivity.
We've got a webinar coming up and it's called the Three Keys to Being Relationship Ready - How You Can Attract a High Quality Man.
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Wes dive deep into what we're talking about here. We talk about vulnerability.
We talk about different roles in different ways you may be blocking your own authenticity when on a date with a guy which stops him from being able to connect with you.
We also reveal the one question that every man is asking inside his mind that he'll never say out loud that determines whether he commits to you or not.
The answer to that question, determines whether he commits to you or not.
REGISTER FOR THE FREE WEBINAR: claytonolsonco...
This free webinar contains valuable information for women who want to discover how to end the cycle of relationships that go nowhere without the pain of settling for a guy that you don’t really want.
In your corner,
Clayton
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17 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 295

@andreameneses5104 6 лет назад

This is why I will raise a future confident and emotionally secure man when I have a son

@evedolphin 6 лет назад

Andrea Meneses you nailed it!! This is exactly what I am doing too.

@mohammadfaisal2927 6 лет назад

Andrea Meneses Most Men are suffering today a some sort of Psychological Problems, Men are completely surrounded by insecurities the biggest of which is Marriage , they want to marry but divorce and other stuff surrounding just scares them ,Most men due to this Legal system have turned into Players , Stereotype among Men is that you can only be happy when you pump and dump ,a result all men start to do this and get mentally disturbed because in their innate nature they also seek long term relationship , also Its very easy to say that we can raise a son more confident but its very difficult , Men in their teens are more attracted to their fathers as their Masculinity starts to develop , they love their mothers more than father but male figure really influences them

@wshelby83 6 лет назад

Andrea I agree with you!!

@carpito3264 6 лет назад

Andrea Meneses A woman can never teach a boy how to be a man

@mgw4205 6 лет назад

And why have the rest of the mother's been failing boys that grow into men? You think you'll do better? Will you be a single mother too? Mothers lie to their son's and give them bad advice.

@faithfulone3951 6 лет назад

I think they pull away, because they don't like being called out on their behavior!!!!! lol

@machomiguel1695 6 лет назад

Sissy DaughterOfChrist patricialynette i know this i called out a few men on their behaviour and they try to negate, they lie and make false stories ie: false excuses that are all bull$**t to deny what the real reasons ie: incentives really were.😐

@beebuzz959 5 лет назад

That too

@MsMesem 5 лет назад

@Salvador Luna Ive never pulled away from anyone for any reason but them being low intelligence or abusive.

@Adam-cc9ny 5 лет назад

And women do?

@nellab5314 6 лет назад

Except to make him feel 'emotionally secure'' generally results in being taken for granted, my experience only. Think it goes both ways, sorry guys.

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Hi Helena, I'm sorry that has been your experience. Perhaps this will help distinguish which "way" it goes. Being taken for granted is not a function of a man feeling emotionally secure. Being taken for granted is more a reflection of a woman compromising her values to please to him. So if you're compromising yourself to try and make him feel emotionally insecure, then more than likely you're going to lose his respect and be taken for granted. Thanks for sharing.

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Definitely goes both ways! Sounds like being emotionally available whilst not being taken for granted is a good practise here. Not sure if you have done our webinar? We distinguish a persona which is useful to this conversation.

@nellab5314 6 лет назад

I've replied on several occasions, and its not being shown here, this is the last time. I am in a 12 year relationship and I am in my late 60's, been married 29 yrs and divorced, so please I know what i am talking about, we all have to compromise in any relationship, I am just saying that yes, in many cases, including mine, I stand by what I stated in my initial post. Good day to you too

@hl8793 6 лет назад

Helena, I agree with you. Being too understanding and willing to help him open up usually end up you being taken for granted. My impression from what you say in the video is that men are by nature emotionnally immature and use the avoidance behavior to hide they emotionnal insecurity and that we should help them open up. As a woman, I pass my turn on being the one driving the adult discussion. So energy consuming... When are we going to talk about woman needs and how to assert them?

@margot1234567899 6 лет назад

Helena, I kind of agree with you on this. You give them the space the room the understanding and then you see them go in the direction of taking you for granted and acting like you need them so much. they keep acting like they are 15 years old n confused. We are talking about grown men...

@pamtufnell6751 6 лет назад

I'm glad you explain I honestly didn't think men had these problems they always look confident on the outside

@gloriam8493 6 лет назад

I called that bad acting, cause they always reveal themselves, sooner or later. This is the best explained video, I fully agree..

@aislingying9971 6 лет назад

Men always act like everything they're not in the end of the day you realise you as a girl is much stronger than all of them

@wyethhan7434 6 лет назад

you're right, I seriously don't see men in their insecurities.. I'm going to find it out from you Clayton. thank you very much. keep it up! love you 😍

@jennpipp26 5 лет назад

I wish these topics would be taught in high school. Society would be so much happier!

@meganruchwatercolors7186 3 года назад

Oh wow I say this all the time! The world would be so much better if they teach life lessons early to kids. There is alot of Videos on youtube ...watch the School of Life amazing !!!

@paradisecolors 6 лет назад

Among all the relationship coaches that I have seen on youtube, you seem to be the most professional one and it seems like you speak based on research and evidence.

@MediaEnslavedNation 5 лет назад

Try Dr. Les Carter, or Dr. Ross Rosenberg or Dr. Sam Vaknin. They don't sit around making excuses for unacceptable behavior, telling you to raise your mate.

@angelicaburl5823 6 лет назад

How about go to Therapy and work through your insecurities. Everyone is afraid of rejection....why does the woman always have to experience emotional pain, due to, a grown mans insecurities. You need to feel secure within yourself before beginning a relationship. Grow up! These are just endless excuses. So women don't have insecurities?!

@NarnianLady 5 лет назад

and more often than not, many of those insecurities in women have been caused by men's actions... but when a woman speaks aout about those things, we are told to go to therapy, or to work in ourselves, to bear it and accept it, yadda yadda.. Instead of holding men to a higher standard!

@luvingmerevivedandblessed8520 5 лет назад

Exactly! Dead on

@mergyckaxxxxx 5 лет назад

calm down, this is just advice

@manticoremeasuringassjiggl5203 3 года назад

@@NarnianLady yah it's always mens faults yada yada blah blah , no accountability on your part always deflecting blame.

@Feber2001 3 года назад

Goes both ways... Men and women both need to work on their shit!

@Vickiluv 6 лет назад

this is like learning algebra😵

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

@andreagomera 5 лет назад

NO BABE, IT is our own insecurities! i used to say the same about women but not anymore.

@ellenweir6505 5 лет назад

Vicki Crystal Visions LLC Hatton Lol. Isn’t it just.

@violetlune72 6 лет назад

So refreshing and insightful...standout of all the other "why men pull always" videos...great job and thank you!

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Thank you!

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Thanks for the great feedback! You're welcome.

@lvgrl78 4 года назад

Omg THANK YOU!!! finally my question is answered. My fiancé of 8 months lost his job 4 months ago and started getting depressed & withdrawn. He has completely shut down & all my family & friends convinced me he doesn’t love me & this is abuse & he should share his emotions. I’m like he is a dominant alpha male. He doesn’t discuss his feelings. I’ve been trying to convince myself he’s feeling not good enough & like a failure (feelings anyone would feel when they lose a job & cant find work especially when they ran a company). Problem is I just don’t know what to do. How many months do I give him? I love him & I do believe he is the one I’ve been looking for my entire life. I also believe the same goes for how he feels toward me. However right now he acts like he hates me. No one can really give me good advice

@nathalie5238 4 года назад

Finally a video about insecurity from men!!! Most advises regarding men pull away is to lean back and wait! Well lately I did lean back, didn’t initiate... applied all the “main” advises out there. 3 out of 6 guys called me out! They thought I was pulling away!! So yes there are also insecure men. So when dating and I feelbthe guy pull away, I just check in once in a warm a vulnerable way telling him i think about him and miss his cutie face. And then I leave it to him. If I don’t do so I feel anxious too...

@allthingslinear 6 лет назад

Hi Jack and Clayton, Great videos here. But again I have to say as a few other women are mentioned in small ways here, it’s not helping us very much here to use this advice. It’s great for understanding but to put it into action actually gives us a worse outcome. I’m divorced, I married young and the relationship lasted 12 yrs. I am now in my early 30’s. As far as I can see men think there are so many options for them, (which don’t actually exist btw) that they never bother doing the work on themselves. And us trying to be supportive and wait it out is not working at all. From what I’ve seen, the wives who are the least understanding of their husbands and the most harsh are the ones who stay married and have everything done for them. Harsh but true. Maybe it would be more worthwhile to point out to men that there are very few viable options and they better pick up their game and teach them how to be honourable and mature! Nicola Tesla was very spot on with his predictions about how intimate relationships would end up. It is becoming like the insects. Men have made themselves useless. Also an amazing book that came out not long ago is 4 Things Women Want in a Man by the pastor

@christinam777 6 лет назад

Clayton, I really really appreciate you guys. Your content is so helpful and relevant. Its helping me freak out less and be objective and learn more. And also calms me down while waiting for a resolved issue to listen to you guys. Its like you're taking the frustrating mystery wrapper off for us. And I'm 41 and feel like I'm just now getting these things that's because of you. Your material is truly helping people. You're an amazing communicator!

@PS-xb9hc 3 года назад

If the man wants you, he will figure his sh.....out! No excuses done of needed.simple!Dont deceive yourself!❤

@saraandstuartshannon2160 5 лет назад

I think everyone has their own insecurities, and that is reason people pull away. That’s why I believe it is important to start relationship with someone you know very well, and have deep emotional bond with, together with friendship. I have been married to my best friend for over 8 years, now that deep bond and ability to communicate, and even read each other in hard times was really beneficial.

@MashaVujanovic 6 лет назад

Woman has to be a psychotherapist, too.

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

You don't have to be anything, Mawa. We're giving you a lens to have more understanding and impact in your relationship. If it's something that helps, great. If not, put it on the back shelf. :)

@MashaVujanovic 6 лет назад

Hi. I'm speaking from my experience. Right now I feel like a psychotherapist with one guy. I took care of my mental and emotional health, by taking psychotherapy for 5 years and he didn't. People should better take a better care of themselves, because that's the way to have healthy relationship. But they need to INVEST money, time, energy in healing, and that's rarely a practice.

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

I agree that many people would benefit from what you are pointing to here. What do you do when you feel like a psychotherapist?

@MashaVujanovic 6 лет назад

I get scared that I'll have to behave like that all the time with him, and that's not my ''job'' in relation with him. Huge subject.

@MsMesem 5 лет назад

You are right. The complexity here is quite overwhelming.

@sanctuaryspothome 6 лет назад

Clayton your recent videos are getting a whole lot better in quality of advice. Way to go! Thank you so much 👍👌

@brandyiyamnamba5933 6 лет назад

Thank you. This allowed for me to feel even more compassion for him.

@GuidingEchoes 6 лет назад

Women have the same insecurity.

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Yes, it is indeed part of the human condition, isn't it...

@GuidingEchoes 6 лет назад

Yup!

@MuzikAficionado 6 лет назад

Thankfully women's reaction to this insecurity in themselves doesn't translate into shunning men, but again it may vacillate towards the other extreme of being overly possessive, unhappy etc., which repels men.

@MadawaskaObservatory 6 лет назад

Yes, but women rarely approach men so the fear of rejection is not the same. I suppose women fear not being approached, which may seem like a form of rejection?

@andreameneses5104 6 лет назад

Guiding Echoes Not really

@wonderwoman3dot0 6 лет назад

Wow I really needed to hear this. You guys explained this so well as my girlfriends were creating anxiety in me. Now I feel at peace and understand that this is just a natural process of my relationship. Thank you so much! I would love to get a one on one coaching session too.

@hansmdinkermaniiv1665 5 лет назад

Als he also just may have not been that into you enough

@joyhollywood1 4 года назад

This video is on point. I met tons of very good looking men but all their words and actions show me how insecure they are.

@sianmegginson8110 6 лет назад

Surely this works both ways and not only to listen but understand as well.

@mandyporras07 6 лет назад

Watch for those narcissist who are men. That’s probably the first thing they do. when you let see your emotions it could be a way to hurt you.

@Englishsea24 5 лет назад

Women think that way, men don't. Why do catfights always happen? Because women are the ones always analysing other people, and thinking they always know whats going on in their heads, which makes women paranoid.

@l.ferrer7923 5 лет назад

Yes, there are MEN narcissists as there are women narcissists... their strategy is ~ you are "glorified" in the beginning like they are so mesmerized... but it's all a FAKE. 😱 The key to remember is... with narcissists "ANYTHING you/we say CAN be used against you/us"! eventually. 😰 Be very careful.

@blackamericapapi3841 3 года назад

@@l.ferrer7923 that's why niggas like me keep it inside because when we do open up we weak or soft but when we don't we don't love you enough like come on

@queenjaki 6 лет назад

I have literally just done this with someone. Too quick, too needy, too romantic. Now he wants 'just friends'. If I back off I hope he will start filling the space himself but he suffers from anxiety and depression so not sure this will happen. 😢

@ReneelovesGod 4 года назад

Thank you!!!!!!!! because the internal struggle is hard for him to communicate and he kept saying it’s not me.I think he wants me to just give him space. He never asked for space I took it hard because we are Christians and we tend to want to do things a little differently. I thought it was me. He still keeps in contact though. I know it’s hard for him. He’s an older gentleman, he recently lost his mom and now he’s dad is really sick. I wanted to be there for him, but I don’t know how. Internal struggle knows “no title”, I guess Now I can understand and know my place.

@memoryrinehart 5 лет назад

To me just being in any relationship equals emotional vulnerability.

@goodenoughgirl8102 5 лет назад

I’ve had several just go ghost on me at various stages. I look back and really imo this was really it. They weren’t bad guys or psychos (except for one maybe lol). They find out this or that about me and they seemed to be even verbally hinting that they didn’t feel they measured up. Not sure if it’s that or more like feeling some inferiority or insecurity. They’d say wow you’ve done that etc.and I’m just not there yet. Another one was like wow your son seems very with it and fortunate (he’s 21). Saying these things to me with a worried look on their faces, etc. Then next thing ya know they just fall off the face of the earth. And it’s not age, cuz it varied from 30 something all the way up to 51. I guess what I’m looking at now is just how to not get too attached to any guy too soon only to wind up being ghosted yet again. Was starting to think the problem was me cuz it seemed to be happening far too often. But I doubt it is cuz I’m not over here tying to be some braggart. It just comes up in normal convos about where my life is going, or my goals, etc, and I think it would be a huge mistake to tone myself down just so they wouldn’t feel put out or intimidated by it. Idk why more men can’t just work on themselves and why it has to so often be at our expense tho. Hardly seems fair to us.

@sianmegginson8110 6 лет назад

So what you re saying is a men needs a therapist?

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Sian Megginson if by therapist you mean a partner that’s willing to listen with compassion, then yes.

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

There can absolutely be a place for therapy and a partner shouldn't be conflating their role with one of a potential therapist. However, being able to be with your partner's insecurities is something that can helpfully happen in intimate relationship. There's also the pragmatic piece that plenty of men (unfortunately) are not willing to invest in therapy, even when it's desirable.

@sianmegginson8110 6 лет назад

Yes, many sensitive men think that asking for help is a weakness but really its a strength and the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Better than any thing materially.Also alot of men are in denial about needing help.

@daniellem578 6 лет назад

Sian Megginson many of them do!!! Lol including my own father.. smh

@tronxax 6 лет назад

@@sianmegginson8110 Many men are in denial but for the few that are not you have to have experienced what they have. Ive been vulnerable to long time girlfriends as well as shorter term ones and ive recieved more negative feedback than positive. Most women do not want a emotional man just a confident one who already has worked through his life problems and can handle taking on others emotional situations with skill and ease. In reality most people are primal at the core and want Alfa over Beta and want a man to be a provider. What i mean by this is it proven by science that women cheat more in long term relationships than men. Women also look for strong genetics in a man naturally and will avoid attractive features for dominant Alfa traits. Men and women are one chromosome away and worlds apart but emotionally we all deal with something in life and could use support but most women in reality are not supportive as they think they are.

@dearheather228 5 лет назад

Thanks for the video. Very helpful and professional. I think the tricky part is that once a woman offers to create emotional safety, the guy would have more insecurity because this is also a kind of commitment.

@KristinAlayna 5 лет назад

I think 1% of men are actually decent human beings capable of feeling love. Women have that struggle too! Probably even more so because of how society and media say we're supposed to look and behave! 🙄 And yet, here we are. 99% of men need to get over themselves and grow up!

@lovedog49507 6 лет назад

Well, what I am dealing with is a man that cares about what his friends think about me.

@syazwanisulaiman7995 6 лет назад

But does conversation between both of you remains private? Well, I fall apart with a guy that shares all our conversation with his friends. I personally cant stand that.

@lovewillwinnn 5 лет назад

LOVE this insight and vulnerability guys! How endearing that is. Thanks so much for this information. It helps a lot!

@Lea-cy5nn 6 лет назад

I think my boyfriend broke up with me because of this. He didn't let himself be vulnerable with me and he said once he didn't think he could give me what I wanted because I get insecure and emotionnal sometimes. 2 months later he broke up saying I was too insecure for him... After 1 year and a half relationship where we were happy... How can I get him back? :(

@victoriat8481 5 лет назад

Léa I think we had the same boyfriend hsha

@rupinderkaur2768 6 лет назад

thank you! just recently experienced this and tried to create a safe space for him to open up, but was unsuccessful. I was kind of self blaming and thinking in those lines, and it still hurts.I understand that we all can be insecure at times..

@irisfredrik8629 5 лет назад

I have a long distance relation ship with an american guy and we dated for 2 months. He was really into me and very exited...now it's allready one week he pulled away...i send him some messages but he didn't answer.. and it really hurts...i live in Suriname...sorry for my english..

@Leadan86 6 лет назад

This makes so much sense. Very insightful

@ambermarie1982 6 лет назад

I want that eye wall art

@pamelaraphael8340 5 лет назад

It sucks that he pulls away. He was so into me calling me his girl and talking and texting every night to being so freaking distant. Suck! We have a great connection, but he is being so standoff-ish now. What do I do?!!

@pamelaraphael8340 3 года назад

@@helenarichard I am single and happy. Learning a lot about myself. Someday when the time is right I will have the most amazing relationship with someone who loves me and deserves my love 💕

@GameChanger597 3 года назад

Honestly? He sounds like a user. Get rid of him. He got what he wanted and then shut you out because he didn't care enough in the first place. Even the most insecure man will still stick around to be with the woman he loves. He lavished you with compliments to have a chance to play with his toy. Don't make excuses for him because I'm sure he is not insecure to the point of not wanting to be with you. He is clearly not worth your time. You deserve a real man. Not a player.

@brbrhej 6 лет назад

Brilliant video! Finally finally someone explained to me what happened with my ex 2 years ago and why he broke up with me. Thank yoi for this video and I am sorry I did not see it 2 years ago.

@racheladdams3365 6 лет назад

The problem is that most single women will jump at the opportunity to commit to what they believe is a great guy, but this “great guy” doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gonna be a great boyfriend. He might have the full package but it doesn’t mean that both will complete each other (or maybe they could) On the other hand, men have infinite patience and casually date multiple women at the same time. So what happens? The women get fed up and pull away cause they feel like he’s wasting their time. Biologically speaking, women’s bodies are wired to find a mate as soon as possible and feel stressed when they don’t, because their reproductive system knows that time will run out eventually. So it isn’t entirely the woman’s fault By the time the man finally picks a girl he’d like to spend time with, he’s still indecisive and will probably ghost her anyway.

@goodenoughgirl8102 5 лет назад

Yeah. I had to let one like this go. He kept going hot and cold and essentially nothing progressed from flirty friends in about 3 months. And really? We are talking over age 40. I was being pushed and pulled so much that I had to end the emotional torture. I felt that it was just going around in circles and nowhere. They need to at least be in some sort of on the way place imo in order for any woman to do them any good. Some men you could do everything for and they still will never open up. I just told him to go work on himself or whatever and that I hoped I was available one day when he was ready, but I’m not waiting around for that to happen. Way too much work on my end. It was exhausting and I really hope I can find one a little further along one of these days. Why tf can’t they ever just work on themselves and deal with their shit? So aggravating to me. Like grow tf up already. 🙄 I’m actually more concerned about my cynicism about it at this point really. Perhaps staying single is actually a better idea tho at this rate. 🙄 Forgive me, but I just have really had it with this insane BS. Sorry not sorry.

@ellenmorse8559 4 года назад

@Stephanie Rodgers-I have just endured three months of all you described. I am a senior lady and have never encountered this type of behaviour before. In my day, when a man wanted me, they would just about break the door down to get to me. Why are they so fragile today? I am moving on, this is an exercise in futility. I am still attractive and lively, it will happen and this time, he’d better have a spine!

@goodenoughgirl8102 4 года назад

@@ellenmorse8559 lol. Right? Def we can do better than that!

@anneagustin6508 6 лет назад

Thanks!I gained more and this video is just perfect!

@beemonique8466 3 года назад

Correct the behavior when you first see it. Most men's mode: 1) Make the money 2) Get the power 3) Conquer

@DarkenAngel445 6 лет назад

I just got done watching this so I got a question for you two. What happens when men are rejected by their mother as a child and it makes us have a hard time opening to women because are trust in women is broken? And this goes for and this goes for women also who have been rejected by their father and makes them untrusting of men. If this anything similar to do with the topic you guys were going over.

@misspriss2482 6 лет назад

I'm not an expert, but I'm going to respond to this one. For me, it took me meeting good men to realize that not every man is my father. Also, I forgave my father for not being there for me and that has helped me to finally be able to trust men. However, I take my time and make sure that a man is safe before I open up to him. As for the guy's side, I am currently talking to a guy who was rejected by his mother. It took forever for him to open up to me and be vulnerable, but he had to get to a point where he knew that I was a safe place and he could trust me. The key was patience on my end. At first I thought that he wasn't interested and I decided to move on emotionally. However, he and I were still friends so in the midst of being his friend, he opened up to me about his contentious (non)relationship with his mother. Once I boosted his self-esteem and opened up to him about my family history, he slowly warmed up to me and began to indicate romantic interest again. I used to see this "push-pull" with this guy a lot and I realized that he was struggling to let me in. When he would pull away, I wouldn't chase him. I didn't treat him coldly and I would let him know that I was still there. When he realized that I wasn't getting angry or taking it personally, he would come back to me and be even more vulnerable. Now as he feels more secure with me, he rarely ever pulls away. He allows me to see the real him and he doesn't pretend to be Mr. Manly because he knows that I don't expect him to be. I affirm his positive qualities and I let him know that I respect and believe in him. Most importantly, I never tell anyone what he tells me in confidence and I never make fun of or take advantage of his vulnerabilities or insecurities. A man may stay with a woman, but if he can't trust her, he will shut down.

@rebca3663 6 лет назад

I really appreciate seeing this reply. I am currently. dealing with a half sibling who probably is feeling this because he was adopted out like me but had lived with our mother for sometime and was old enough to understand what was going on. I have felt very frustrated this week because I have messaged him but have not heard back from him I am trying to be patient and not crowd him. He has opened up a little bit this last time. I am hoping I have a similar outcome where he will eventually trust me and feel secure in me.

@lunarebeccaada4191 6 лет назад

Thank you for this helpful video👍

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

You're welcome :)

@TaniaCastaneda1 6 лет назад

Quite simple. If he’s into you but not at your level he’s going to pull away or he’s just not that into you. 50/50

@bongiwemveni6761 5 лет назад

Sorry I don't understand this?

@Feber2001 3 года назад

Unless you don't really like him, so then he pulls away

@nathaliedufour3891 3 года назад

Makes TOTAL sense

@casperinsight3524 6 лет назад

Hmmm.....this video has provided Gr8 insight ~ Thank U

@a.h.2667 5 лет назад

I see that this whole dating process is about boundaries that you should establish from the beginning... the ones who aren't consistently able to respect the boundaries will back away before you get attached to them.

@anykoop 5 лет назад

This was actually really insightful.

@mareden6555 6 лет назад

Good dialogue, guys. Just subscribed. Thank you. 💝to💝

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Glad to have you. :)

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Love hearing this. Thanks for subscribing.

@weiwang7649 5 лет назад

I think all human beings have that.

@crissieroserose 6 лет назад

You men are too good to be true

@The_NutritionChef 6 лет назад

Great video, thank you for putting This together .

@heatherlynn3438 5 лет назад

Women just want to be heard, not fixed.

@charleenhopkins3590 6 лет назад

women have that too , i have sometimes in the past

@zorayaseeram1721 5 лет назад

I tried your tip without ever watching your video. I think it depends on the guy, cause I ended up getting used for showing my vulnerabilities , he used the info to manipulate or lie better.

@MediaEnslavedNation 5 лет назад

Yep.

@blackamericapapi3841 3 года назад

Not all men

@paolaguaini-yinyangpsychol7864 5 лет назад

Dear Clayton, thank you for your video. I'm in this situation right now. He shut me down and disconnected me from social media. How can I understand in deep his behaviour and let him do the work he need to do by himself and be confident he will show up when is ready. I know the meaning of his behaviour but I'm a bit confused. Thank you so much. 🌞

@eveningstar1 5 лет назад

Such good stuff! Thank you.

@legalafrorhetorics92 5 лет назад

Absolutely true!! Had to find out the hard way

@viciouscycle8964 3 года назад

Then what is the solution? How can i understand the main reason if a man pulls away? i mean, is it because of his insecurities and worries or because he does not find me atractive? Actually if a man behave as you tell, i immediately believe that he finds me unattractive and i stop contacting with him and moreover i block him ☹️

@yuyatmoechit93 6 лет назад

You guys are amazing. It’s really helpful for all heart breaker .

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Thank you!

@pixie89 6 лет назад

Very well put. Thank you 😊

@malibuReddd 3 года назад

I’m so over Dating and men 😩😩

@GilliMarieMoody 6 лет назад

I gave a few pertinent compliments. Then, I pulled away too. Lately... he comes back “sooner”. Instead of six weeks, four then the last time frame was two. Hmmm.

@silvief1 6 лет назад

This applies to women as well

@maysaraali5772 3 года назад

Amazing content

@kenyamontgomery2600 6 лет назад

Wow this is so true!! My boyfriend keeps telling me I can’t seem to make you happy I try my best to go out of my way to please you, but your never satisfied

@sarahtheaustralianvoiceofe2053 6 лет назад

The emotional system is a responsibility of both parties, it’s 2017 I hope you do videos aimed at men’s growth too.

@claytonolsoncoaching 6 лет назад

Hi Sarah - This channel is primarily aimed at helping women understand men and become more of themselves in the dating world. That said, I give ideas and ways of thinking about this territory in the realm of things you can control. A man's growth is up to him. Your growth and awareness is up to you. As you become more self-aware, my hope is you will pick men that are doing the work and therefore have more of a chance at creating a successful relationship. Thanks for sharing.

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Yes Clayton does and I agree that both parties need to show up. This video just happens to be for women. Yay to men's growth, absolutely.

@JannNavarro09 5 лет назад

I felt that this was also the main reason why my bf broke up with me. I understood his situation so I talked to him about it but his decision about the breakup wouldn't change. I tried bargaining with him but I came off as an annoying person to him so he went cold and eventually pushed me away. He kept on insisting to me that he just wants to focus on himself right now and when the time comes that he is emotionally and financially ready, we'll give it a try. What should I do? I really love him and I always sounded as someone who defends him from those people who would tell me that all he said was just an excuse.

@andreadesiree2182 5 лет назад

Tell him thats not what you want, But you understand & wish him the best. You. Cant force these things. Believe what a man tells you. This is a time for u and self reflection & growth. It might not be the right time.. pick up a hobby you have always wanted become the best you in this time. If he comes back he will hopefully be ready if ur available... & u will be feeling good because u worked on urself too. If he doesn't you will find love again sweetheart

@JannNavarro09 5 лет назад

@@andreadesiree2182 thanks Andrea. Unfortunately, i was already forced to deal with the breakup since he had already been cold to me and found it annoying whenever I tried to leave him a message once in a while. So now, im practicing the No Contact and hopefully it will work on him.

@andreadesiree2182 5 лет назад

You will be ok darling! I find as soon as a man pulls away, I let him. woman should not chase the man, he should come to you. You should receive and be supportive, loving, amazing, busy but When he's available & if you are this will grow the attraction.

@JoseRamirez-pt1sw 5 лет назад

Coming from a man's point of view there is something that happened along the way with you and this guy there is no reason for him not to try to come and be with you in this relationship I hate to be blunt about it but it just doesn't make sense if a man wants you he will come and get you if not something happened

@Adam-cc9ny 5 лет назад

The most loving woman cannot shield a man from the rest of society telling him he is a piece of shit that is never going to be good enough and that your affections for him must have some kind of ulterior motive because women can't possibly love men unless they can buy it from you with wealth or status.

@lisamcintosh290 6 лет назад

He have a wife or another girlfriend on the side.

@Yahshuaismyeverything 5 лет назад

has*

@thebeautygoddess9195 4 года назад

😅😅

@Feber2001 3 года назад

I saw a guy post that EXACT same thing on another video, which talks about women needing space. "If she needs space, she has another dude on the side."

@francismason8907 6 лет назад

Great video! I knew it! 😓 What if he already broke up with me? I think this is the reason he broke up (he couldn’t find a job for a year) but his excuse for the break up was we are too different and that I need a more loving person... what now!? 😭 more than a month and no signs of him.. how can I make him realize it’s not us it’s his mind!

@francismason8907 6 лет назад

Any advise guys? What to do now? 😓🙏🏻

@bongiwemveni6761 5 лет назад

I'm in the same problem

@kristikg7431 6 лет назад

This really sounds like they need their mommy

@kswannie 6 лет назад

Who do you think fucked him up in the first place?

@ShazGardenbliss 6 лет назад

K G some can't cut the apron strings, this is so true

@Ramanhere468 6 лет назад

Lmao weak men, indeed

@beebuzz959 5 лет назад

That sounds like a cruel comment

@l.ferrer7923 5 лет назад

Well, I told him to his face it was his mommy's fault! 😡 ...and then told him to GROW UP!!! 😂 or I'd leave him. 💥 That did it. 😭

@GlowNutrition 6 лет назад

You guys are awesome!!!

@selenam5198 6 лет назад

appreciate the video!

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Awesome!

@tlisadeane8742 6 лет назад

That's nonsense

@isnanianaeni7423 6 лет назад

how about with bad experience that make woman traumatic to walk forward

@sintaklaas6427 5 лет назад

Good contribution, thanx

@blathnaidbelladonna 6 лет назад

Should a woman ask a man, what are his stuggles?

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

As the relationship deepens yes. It may be that you aim to be an invitation for him revealing his struggles rather than asking directly. Or you notice if he appears to be stressed and invite conversation about it.

@shawandahoward5648 6 лет назад

Awesome videos!

@zzsajjadify 6 лет назад

I hope u can answer my question my marriage is 12 years old but i don’t know wat to do ... every time a discussion starts ends into a fight if I have slightest objection to wat he does a big fight erupts so I stopped saying anything he doesn’t want to look at me all the time overly engrossed in work checks his emails 100s of times , says that’s all the love he will ever give don’t expect anymore when I don’t point out anything things stay fine moment I speak that’s it relationship goes down the drain makes me feel like he is the victim ,I try and support in most places but miscommunication and bitterness is ruining us ... don’t know what to do...🙃

@aprilflontek 6 лет назад

Great insight.. In a new relationship, he pulled away this week, though texts less then he ever has, they are positive and he has made plans w me in 6 days. My question is when they pull away like this and bounce back do I ask him how his week was or what he was up to or do I move forward happily?

@sebsebseb1905 6 лет назад

I went out with this girl and she realised it's not working and gave me the best line from Sex and the city, I think, "HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU" and that is it, I was not that into her, I wasn't attracted. Stop buying into all this bullshit. These two duded who compliment eachother want to make money, not to make you happy!!! The same thing for men, she is not playing hard to get, she is not testing you, she isn't attracted, deal with it and move on.

@HClevelanddurga 6 лет назад

are men of other cultures the same as american or western men?

@ginmartha4621 6 лет назад

Now that he is pulling away because of insecurity, but actually i like him. What should i do? He left without any explaination

@tanyatanu1 6 лет назад

Clayton, you have beautiful eyes 😍... nice video, thank you

@ToniDaniels1275 5 лет назад

U know what though I’m tired of babying the baby.. I been here before. Like you can detach and leave. That’s your issue. I cant

@norrishastewart774 6 лет назад

Beautiful! 🌻

@beingjackbutlertv 6 лет назад

Yay :)

@How.Dare.You. 6 лет назад

best video ever

@katiej9767 4 года назад

What about me I’m married and he ignored my texts he’s overseas so we long distance

@Oddoneout22 5 лет назад

Scaredy cats. Lol I think their emotions get overwhelming they need to pull back and sort through. I asked a man's opinion on a charity I wanted to start and it was like I asked him to marry me. Lol . I did not ask him to help. I asked his opinion to see if he had one on the subject. It is not like I expected him to solve anything... it was dead silence. Perhaps I am too much for him. I was in sales and can come across strong. I can not figure it out. We will see what happens. I had have no expectations other than friends but he didn't want me speaking to other men. I laughed half the world is men , I told I only talk to the ones who wouldn't hit on me. Laughed some more. If he comes back I will try open up on my vulnerability and see if he will too. Sometimes love can be frightening and unsure if you want to move ahead ,if your ready for it. Idk. I will asked him if has a gun in his pocket ,if he ever calls back. Lol

@catherinebronte3645 5 лет назад

something else for us to fix. are you kidding me?

@joliemiranda5685 5 лет назад

Hi guys, great video. I just subscribed! .. "All men have a deep sense of inadequacy.. .... Take thé lead in emotional vulnerability, so he'd have a comfy zone to open up, and be vulnerable with you." . ... Interesting discovery about the psyche of men.. .. But What happens if he pulls away and becomes unavailable, cold and somewhat rude; cause He's processing divorce with his ex, there are kids involved, and it has become a long distance committed relationship; having lived together for first 3months of the 5month relationship, and all just seemed great?! .. Pls give your kind view on this. Thanks.

@S3THIR0TH 3 года назад

Dude the comments from women on here are insane. No wonder your men pulling away, yall God damn abusive.

@NarnianLady 5 лет назад

yep, women can suffer from similar insecurities.. that is why being honest and respectful would be so important.. Instead of passive aggressive games, which I have witnessed from guys. Instead of approaching me friendly, they show their frustration and try to get my attention in some ridiculous ways.. (and them men call us women drama queens...!) Why not just be friendly, pleasant, just as brotherly/sisterly? There is an interesting phenomenon I have noticed for a long time and someone actually made a comment about it in one of these relationship videos (another coach). It seems that while men say they long for a beaituful woman with skills and intelligence, if she cares for him, he rather reject her and marries the opposite - the frumpy 'wallflower' (and I am *not* saying that homely woman isn't worth loving! but she isn't always more deserving either), someone less challenging, who can make his insecurities go away and make him feel in control... So in the end, it seems that men can have their fantasy, but do not really want to see that fantasy become reality - they rather have someone they are not so attracted to, someone 'lower maintenance'. It just is so hypocritical - men complain that women are shallow and only care for looks, but then they do just the same. Many many women would gladly have a relationship with that 'nerdy and shy' type, but he seems to enjoy when he can reject the one who really cared for him and rather married the 'safe' one. Is that some kind of 'revenge of the nerds', just an insecurity issue that they want to act so cruelly towards a women they found attractive and maybe dreamt about?

@neuroticgypsy 5 лет назад

NarnianLady This is 100% true and very happy you said it.

@spider-cc2wn 6 лет назад

😲wow! You guys are great....what if a man wants you to trust Him; and after you have let your guard down? And They have nothing thing to say..? Does that Mean they need their time? However. My life In particularly is at a high level of stress...? So I can understand

@christinaklercknilssen 4 года назад

wait, are they together as a couple

@alaiaadam5767 2 года назад

🌙🌙🌙😼🤎 03:00 men insecurities

@Shasha8674 6 лет назад

Guys can't make a woman happy....just be kind/loving.

@carolmaz8675 6 лет назад

i think if women put all this on men and expected all of this before a connection .guy would be saying boy shes hard work adios ......its double standards

@anilav2 6 лет назад

Wait, I thought if they pull away youre not meant to mental out about it, but just do nothing and wait for them to come back again. Otherwise its like youre chasing them which is a big turn off. Thats what every other chanel says. Get on with your life and dont waste your time mentaling out over a guy whos hot and then cold.

@crissieroserose 6 лет назад

why does my man have violent out bursts? i really dont understand him

@Adam-cc9ny 6 лет назад

Because it's a natural instinct for men to react with a surge of violence when all else fails in resolving any issue. Men are faster at violence when they are inept as problem solving skills or lack the mental equipment to deal with emotional issues. Women are especially guilty of provoking emotional reactions out of men and creating these intricate emotional processes that men are just not equipped to deal with because a man's natural function is less emotional and more pragmatic. Men just hate wallowing in emotion because we are instinctively aware how they distract, bog down, and destabilize our well being.

@MsVakong 6 лет назад

Violent outbursts are a sign of someone who is not emotionally stable. I disagree that a man's violent outbursts are your fault. Adults should be able to control themselves to the point of not being violent. This does not sound like a healthy relationship, and I hope that if it hasn't changed, that you're not still dealing with this..