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True. No one should need to wonder. Communication is very important. And if one has to assume, in any way shape or form then assumed that they were just being busy for family emergencies or something like that. But don't reach out wait for him to reach out to you.
i wish i could like this comment a million times! that is exactly how i operate. i don't make men read my mind. i open my mouth. i absolutely require the same! none of that guessing bs
Interesting. I actually don’t think this applies to everyone. Some people have things they need to heal from before they move forward and feel ready for a relationship. Pulling away doesn’t always mean a lack of interest. Sometimes it’s a lack of readiness. But with that being said, if it’s right, it will come back together. I never advise people to wait tho.
If a man wants to spend time with you he's never too busy! I recently met a man who works 12 hours, 7 days a week and we went on 3 dates in one week. If they're interested, they will make time for you ❤
They will in initial stages when all is fresh and new but things will settle with time and that’s perfectly ok. Worst thing one can do then is to get annoyed or upset (mistake I made in past…)
*When you feel needy turn to yourself, not him.* I love this!! This is not about playing games. This is about understanding yourself. Why does it bother me so much that he hasn't responded to my message? Am I going to obsess about this or am I going to see this for what it is? You'll never have to chase the person that's meant for you. Love your videos. Always a great inspiration!
I agree w you everything except he’ll always chase you. This is tricky bc most men I know have such lil self confidence and often want the women to chase
Why is being needy wrong? People can go thru bad seasons & don't have to pretend all is fine. There's no shame in being alone. Being single & independent isn't needy... it's actually strength & self sufficient. Be honest & proud!
for me, if a guy pulls away becomes he’s busy esp, but for any reason, he should communicate and let you know what’s going on as a sign of respect. whether you just started dating, have been dating for a while, or any time. i treat people with respect and want to be treated the same in return. this is setting boundaries. anything less will erode the relationship. no one should have to endure guessing games. common courtesy has been lost in our world. it’s inexcusable.
Especially when you ask over and over again is everything okay and they assure you everything is fine and then finally let you know a month later you're the problem and they HAVE pulled away and it's not all in your head. Gaslighting.
Exactly how I feel people are making it ok for these men to treat women with no respect. When things are going wonderful and the last time y’all was together was great and then your ghosted for a freaking month & society is on their side cause something is wrong with you. No it’s the MFer that just ghosted you cause he’s an ass keep it real people.
Pulling away is not a big deal and doesn't mean it's the end of a relationship either. But a grown man needs to know how to speak, so when he comes back around just firmly and lovingly lay that on him. Simple. Meantime, live your life. This is YOUR life, enjoy it, every moment. Any second spent worry-warting is a waste. Having that kinda unbothered and respect-for-self energy speaks volumes.
I’ve been in relationships with several toxic and controlling men, and he’s right, chasing ppl doesn’t work. After a bad break up 15 years ago, I really took a look at my life and made drastic changes, I was unhappy in my job, broke, wasn’t really taking care of myself, so I changed things one step at a time, a year later I had a new career, was earning better money, had new friends and was hitting the gym 4 times a week, I used the breakup as a ‘break through’ and it changed my life for the better 🌈🌈🌈
Finally, someone not suggesting the "how to get his interest back" strategy. I love the "not being manipulative" approach. Thank you so much! Life is not about playing games!
Ummm.... No, EASIER... but not easy! But relationships aren't supposed to be totally and completely easy. There should be some challenging times so you both can grow, and if it's the right person you'll grow together and your relationship will only get stronger! And BTW, if it's too easy, it's probably fake...
I know what you mean. It doesn’t mean because everything is easier that this is the right person, but I agree, if they are the right person, no need for fear or games.
The timing on this was perfect. A man I'd been becoming a close friend with has started ignoring me recently. I've been really upset about it because we'd been getting along fine. I'm glad I decided to just leave him alone.
hey same here. How are things with you now? I'm facing this currently :( i actually blocked him but then he found me, and told me not to unblock. But...he's not texting like he usually does
Love the analogy. Get a life and do nothing, if bad wine it will expire, if good wine it will just ferment and will taste even better with time. The wine stands for this connection. I would also add that he has to come back CORRECT, not just come back to repeat the same hot and cold cycle again. The most dangerous guys are often not the ones who doesn’t come back, but the ones that come back and leave and repeat same thing to waste your life. If you are attracted to this kind of guy, you might have addiction to the emotional inconsistency and confuse trauma bond with love.
well if they do come back, which in my experience they most always do, it's up to YOU whether you allow them back or not. If they lack respect or cross boundaries, they are done.
One year into a great relationship and he’s suddenly pulling away. I keep listening to this ep periodically, it soothes me and prevents me from being the needy person I probably would have become. And reminds me that its not the end of the world, something good can and will come out of this.
@@ellabella7071 You kidding me! 😹 The advice in this video was perfect - he came right back after a cooldown. I had been smothering. Exactly what Brian Nox warns of - I also got ahold of some of his books. No relationship is perfect! But the advice of this video came at the perfect time.
Thanks for the concern! Yes, still happily together. He jokes that I was “overreacting” to his desire for a cooldown - which I think only reinforces the advice of the video.
The thing is, why can't you talk to men about being straight with us? Of course it instils fear and insecurity when a man starts pulling away or ghosting as its now known, why is it always the women having to have coping strategies??? Why can't they grow up and be honest and confront the situation?? So sick of hearing 'a woman must do this and a woman must do that' why can't men learn to behave properly? Why is society still encouraging misogynistic behaviour???
Women, please! Why you always have to be so self centered and take down men? It might be, that your dream men already had their hearts broken, been abused by the previous women. Don't blame yourself, don't blame your men, instead blame the crazy women - and men - outthere who are dangerous to the community. A dog bit me once, now I am afraid even of the dogs who are smiling at me and wagging their tails. Be good women and show your men how to trust again. But don't even think about turning into a villain dog again, not for a little bit. Men already had villain dogs, don't forget this. Don't wish A and do B, be reflective all the time. We men have feelings too. But in the evolutionary context, men had to hide them during fight, battle, hunt or catastrophies, so men are good at not expressing them properly. The only space, where men were allowed to express their genuinely intimate desire, has always been in their caves or a secret spot, during mating time. This was during evolution. Today we live in revolution and globalization. Men are allowed to do nothing anymore, everything is wrong they do, they are loosing their maculinity slowly. Please women, gather in the streets, hold up signs that say: We want good and nice men back! Show them! Tell them! Seduce them! Thank you!
I just match his efforts. If he makes an effort, I make an effort. If he doesn’t make an effort, I put my effort somewhere else. Advice: find something you love besides the opposite sex. For me, it’s my guitars. When I find myself looking at his moldy breadcrumbs, I refocus. I just give all my attention to my electric and shred all my insecurities through my fretboard, like a paper shredder. After about an hour, any trace of him is gone from my mind and I feel like an extreme badass. It’s a great way to boost my confidence and it minimizes the urge to ask him for an explanation. So find something that makes you realize you’re too awesome to be ignored and you may even realize that you’re also too awesome for him. *and if that fails, go listen to Good As Hell by Lizzo.
The man who is right for you will want to be WITH you - period! Brian, this is one of, if not THE most salient and important videos you’ve produced. Many thanks.
I needed to hear this. I was going to call him after a day of no contact. Its hard to be strong but then i thought why am i contacting him so much? I thought men liked the chase. But a man wont chase what he doesnt want
I'm going through this. I've been seeing him for a month, and there was a strong chemistry and connection right away. We went on dates and had good times. He suddenly started to pull away and wasn't showing any enthusiasm for hanging out, but he still communicated daily. The communication is a little different than it was. No emojis, no kissy faces, winks, etc. At first, I panicked and wanted to reach out calmly and communicate how I noticed he's pulled away and ask why that was? If he's losing interest or going through something. I put a stop to that throught and started looking online on advice and videos. Now I'm feeling good, actually, and I've decided not to reach out to him and let him be, and if he keeps messaging me, I'll respond. I've decided to give it a month, and if he keeps reaching out but still the same attitude and not initiate or showing enthusiasm for meeting, then I'll bring it up. I'm patient, but I'm not going to be strung along for months for nothing. Who knows, maybe in this month I might find out I don't even want to continue with him or I'll get over him. Who knows.🤔
In the past, two major relationships i had that didn't have a "happy end", really took a heavy toll on me. But i recently lost my beloved dad, my very favourite person, and i have to learn to live with that. The pain of such a loss doesn't compare to anything . From now on i see relationships in a completely different light. Anyone that happens to exit my life from now on (be it a partner, friend or whomever) will cost me much, much less, if anything at all, compared to the loss of my father., So, they're free to go. I'll even hold the door open for them so as to make sure it shuts well after they leave. I really have no (more) patience for individuals that don't know what they want, fail to see my value or are into games and wasting my time.
I really needed this. Feeling quite embarrassed and sad by the possible reasons he is pulling away. My knee jerk reaction is to fix this situation and I can't. I need to just let go💔😢
Isn’t it how babies are made (and kept alive - I precise « kept alive » because hostile environments can affect people in a suicidal way) ? How could there be a « future of humanity » without babies being made and kept alive ?
@@Lilith-9223 I understood that, that’s why I added « kept alive ». Sexual relationship are not enough to keep babies alive, but the tenderness, love, support (and all those sweet other things) we can find in romantic relationships can definitely help in that area.
Brian, you’ve done it again! Everything you said is spot on! I am currently in a relationship and for the first time I don’t have the anxiety and fear of losing him. It may be because he doesn’t do things that inspire fear, or it may be because something in me has changed. I can’t quite put my finger on it. All I know is this is the way relationships are supposed to be. There are times he is less responsive, but it doesn’t bother me because I somehow know there’s some reason for it and he isn’t pulling away. A relationship of calm, peace, and contentment. Who knew it was possible?! 😂
I need to come back here and listen to this, but also to read your post! Thank you for reminding me that not all relationships are war zones, made to make us feel miserable.
Excellent advice. I get so many messages how to make him chase you, addicted to you, fear losing you...etc. I'm not going to do it regardless who's sending me these messages. I stated what I needed and that's that. If he can't pick up the phone and talk, I'm not playing anymore games. Evidently, I was wrong so I've been blessed with the gift of goodbye. Thank you for this advice. 😊😊😊
Some excellent advice here! I like this guy. Spot on with the man I've been dating, who recently did more than just a pullback this time. He's pulled away numerous times. This last time was far worse than the other times. I'm pleased that I handled it almost exactly like Brian Nox said to. I didn't contact him at...all. Then when he contacted me out of the blue, I replied with a short but polite response that he needs to stay away from me, now. I listed the things he'd recently done, and said I've wasted enough time with him and "no more." I meant it, too. It breaks my heart. But I can't continue seeing someone who treats me that way. He was only contacting me to see if I was still on the hook. No, I'm not.
The problem is that whether you keep silent or say sth - you are still in the same frustrated energy. It won’t change much on its own, yes you can focus on your life but what if you are not able - what if there is a massive open loop that drains your energy. That needs a closure. Silence may even harm you. If he is so selfish and gives mixed communication l’d choose sth that helps ME. If being silent harms me, I won’t settle with that, I’d say what I think firmly, close all open loops and move on. What he thinks of me I don’t care honestly :) if it pushes him further away, even better. It will make it easier for me to heal and find someone else.
The way you explain these things in a kind way is so soothing to hear. It’s calming and relieves one’s insecurities. It’s like having a friend talk, only much wiser!
Am going through something similar and I have to say this advice is countertuitive because it is in my nature to want to reach out and ask what went wrong or how we can get back on track again. But I have decided to fave my own fears of abandonment and rejection instead. I reached out once to find out how he was and he seemed distant and closed off and so I decided to.let it go and move on with my life. There is just a sense of peace that comes over me when I realise that I have no control over someone's actions and emotions, the only thing I can control I my own feelings and actions. This is a choice I have to make for myself too not just him. Thank you for the advice Brian, it just gives me clarity.
I’m glad you compared him to a worn out toothbrush. I threw his out the other night and it was the main thing that turned the tide in my resilience, as small as that act may have seemed, it was a commitment to myself.
Hi... Brian. Thanks for such lovely videos. I recently, gave myself closure by simply apologising to a guy i was involved with who suddenly chose to be distant with me or decided to bread crumb me. After, trying to work things out and i realized what he was doing. I told, him i am sorry if i offended him in anyway. And i wished, him the best things life has got to offer. And i haven't reached out to him since then. I think, men needs to start learning how to treat women respectfully. It is wrong to ignore, gaslight, or ghost, a person without telling them what they did to deserve such mean and harsh treatment. We need, videos that will tell men how to treat women and what women really like.
Thank you! This really gives me more insight and a secure feeling to trust life . Instead being needy . I pushed him away.😔 If he is meant for me. He will come back.
Thank you for another wonderful video 🤗 When we get over emotional we do all those things & then it gets worse & worse.... The last thing in our heads at that moment, which is fact is .... If he's the right Man for us it will be ok & at a later time we will work it out. My heart rules my head & it gets me into many a muddle... Thank you 💯🙌
these videos have been very helpful for me as a “separated/soon to be divorced” woman who has been blindsided by a crush I wasn’t looking for. It’s helping me navigate and process feelings I didn’t expect to have at this stage of life 😅 Thankyou
Ghosting is the height of rudeness and passive aggression. What about sending a text that says 'I'm disappointed that you have ghosted me'. Call out the behaviour.
Hi Brian, around 4-5 years ago when my relationship of 8 years ended the guy left me, of course I also have some fault in it but I never understand why in just one day he was able to just decide to leave even if we have a son together. Your videos were the ones who helped me move on, inspired me and I learned a lot from. I just want to say thank you for your help and more power and success!!!
You are in danger of becoming co-dependent and wrecking your entire life as he sails off into the sunset - usually with someone else. This guy is talking sense. Walk away. It shouldn't even need to be said.
Very helpful advise thank you Brian I was about to confront him but it’s not worth it , I wil sound needy ! Thank you for being to the point and clear 👌hearing you from Greece 💙
Also if someone is going to be busy he o she should communicate clearly. For eg I often tell my frends that acedemic Audit is coming to my college next week so I ll b v busy next 7 days. Don't count me in etc .Why can't pple say it clearly
That’s not always accurate I am tired of these strategies.. honestly when you are in a mature relationship you have to grow and heal and be able to tell the truth to the one you love. At some point you learn to love yourself enough to not run after someone else.
I think sometimes we expect people to be perfect and just be able to communicate directly. But people are different and one thing am learning is that when someone pulls away it hurts because we feel abandoned and rejected but Brian is right, this is an opportunity not to focus on them but to look within and deal without own fears. Let them go figure out what it is they want when nd if they come back then that is the perfect time to have a conversation about why they dropped off the radar without coming across needy or angry. It is at this point you can ask for clarity and it also allows you the chance to decide if you want to carry on dating them or not and who knows whilst they are busy ignoring you, you could actually meet o the men that can replace the ghoster. Sometimes we just have to be willing to let go of people and situations that are not serving us.
he is too busy for me. i will just let him be and do what he wants when he wants. there is no point in fighting him on this. fighting brought us no where. i gave up, not going to leave him, not going to change him. he keep saying how much he loves me but i truly dont know if he really loves me i don't feel loved. i tell myself i should pretend he is just a friend.
@@danap4840 I was for almost 4 years in a long distance relationship with a narcissist, he was cheating and lying, taking advantage of me and I understand that it's hard to let go. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is definitely very hard on us, hard for our mental health and affects all aspects in our life. When things ended with him, I didn't want live anymore, I was in a dark place, didn't understand why this always happens to me. However about 18 months have passed since the break up. The break up now feels like a blessing. I don't worry anymore about being cheated on. I don't worry about being taken advantage off anymore. I see the qualities in myself that I put into a relationship with a man that absolutely wasn't worth fighting for. It takes time to let go of a person, but once you overcome it, you will wish you let go much earlier. A guy that doesn't value you, that doesn't appreciate being with you and that doesn't make plans with you to move forward and doesn't support you, is not worth keeping around. Let him go, free yourself. Love yourself and build yourself a life you love on your own. And be open when the right one for you comes. 🙂
@find purpose I am so sorry you had to go through such an ordeal. I am glad to know you're in much better place now and I wish you to find real love and bliss. Thank you for sharing this painful experience with me. I love him so much I still hope we can make this work some how. I might be very deluded. You are a very strong woman you deserve to be loved and happy. All the best to you.
I stuck till the end of the video and watched an Ad without skipping because that's the least I can do to you for helping me out.🙇🏻 It's the sarcasm in between for me 😂
I really love the way you convince the things and motivate us to bring back the self love & respect.. After all we are on our own.. Sometimes we'll be forgetting those.. But this is a good video which remind us to wake up and do our things.. let's educate ourselves self priority is an important thing too..
Brian Nox is the man to slap you back into reality when you want to text THAT guy. I'm still single, but at least I am not reaching out anymore. Yayyyyy
Brian, Huge appreciation for your videos. You are truly empowering women to recognize their own worth and sovereignty and help us de-program from centuries of social and cultural expectations that women are inferior, unequal, we should subvert our own identities, suppress our own wishes, wants and needs in a relationship to defer to the man’s wants and needs at the expense of their own. This is so ingrained in U.S. culture (especially in the South and many Latin American countries) that many of us go our entire lives without knowing what disrespect and mistreatment even looks like. You are doing Divine Work here on Earth. Thank you😇 ❤ 💫
Seems like the onus is on the woman to be the "strong" one in the relationship. Humans (regardless of their sex/gender) are by their very existence weak. If she's being the "strong" one in order to get back a dithery, undecided, scared-to-commit man, then is he really worthy of her love (or even time) in the first place? None of all this is rocket science really. Just my opinion.
I broke up w my ex bc he was so needy. I got busy w my parents visiting me and he lived in another town was so scared and angry that I was not reaching out and responding enough. It was so unreasonable to me that he cld not simply wait for a few days for my schedule to normalize. He was certain I was no longer interested. And bc he proved himself so needy I wasn't.
Brian mentioned the power dynamics when reaching out to someone who is pulling away to say that you are moving on. I think it is important to understand why you are doing that. If it is just a manipulation to get his attention back, it is wrong and it won't last or be a healthy relationship. But in my opinion "giving the power away" is reasonable to draw a boundary, say that this kind of behaviour is not ok for you. At this point I would not expect anything from the guy. I am sticking to my boundary and it actually makes me feel better because I know that he isn't up to my standards. And consistency is is the bare minimum. I wouldn't mind looking a bit more vulnerable and less powerful in this situation. My boundaries will show my power if he tries to actually test it.
I watched the trainwreck and backed away. I didn't want to follow him down the path he had chosen. He is now gone after over 30 years of marriage. I couldn't trust him!
The worst thing about love will always be that a person who means the world to us in one moment is equivalent to a broken toothbrush in the next moment. Basically love is just not important it teaches!!!
