@@Ehuff Thanks for that. I'm fortunate to not have substance abuse myself, but I'm embroiled in divorce and recovering from a 15 year marriage and two kids. I'm finally doing well - I'm actually grateful for the ride. I'm sure your work will make you stronger; very congrats on your 11.
Yes that's how I feel, no contact is staying sober. This year will be 10 years sober for me from alcohol, that was my drug of choice and staying sober has been the most wonderful experience. 2 years and 5 months ago I met the relationship that brought me to my knees. I realize I was addicted and after spending time to myself and breaking the addiction I feel a sense of freedom. One day at a time. I am only 5 days no contact again. But this time feels different, I feel like I'm breaking away from the trauma bond ♥️
Took me 18/20 months to have full insight of who she is and how she operates. One day the full 2000 bit jigsaw fell into place and you see everything for all it is....the pathalogical lies, the perpetual deceits the never ending cheating. And eventually the ONLY thing I cared about was I wasn't with her and thankfully I would never ever have to endure her emotional abuse again. Thank the Lord for peace 😊
This week, I celebrated my 1 year no contact anniversary. No contact is much more powerful than most realize, as Joe discussed in this video. You do take your power back, as well as cutting off the narcs negative energy projected at you. As long as you don’t let them back into your life and never give them any kind of response, it severs ties with them, while healing and empowering you. The narc tried to hoover and contact me in several different ways, a total of 38 times to date. My therapist calls that 38 wins for me. Never go back. It never gets better, it always gets worse. Go no contact, heal and move forward with your precious life. ❤️
When you finally figured them out , your life will change for better , not right away , but with time and most important is to never let them to be near to you ever again !!! Thank you for making '' shorts'' now, they are perfect too ! 🤗❤
That’s amazing. May I ask with all sincerity, after 53 years, do you watch these videos as a reminder as to how it was? So you don’t ever go back? Genuinely curious. I’ve been no contact for over three years and thought I wouldn’t be listening that long. Not as much as I used to… but they still give me “comfort” aka validation.
@@Ehuff I was 18 and dated him for nine months. I didn’t know about narcissist. I slammed the door on him just thinking it was my first boyfriend break up. I never thought anything about him for 53 years. About a year ago I was on Ancestry and a picture popped up of him and I couldn’t get him out of my head. I saw a video on narcissism and the Lord God started revealing how he watched over me, because I was in grave danger all nine months and I didn’t even know it. He wanted me dead. He poisoned my food, drugged my drink,I saw the completely black eyes while in a boat and he wanted to throw me into the lake, he had his hands on my throat once and he wanted to strangle me, we were in a dark place and he wanted to kill me, we were at a restaurant and he met with some friends and they were talking. I found out he was plotting to traffic me. There is a lot more, and I have been in shock with what I have learned in the last year. He’s stuck in my head trauma bond now. It sounds crazy but it’s true.
My ex discarded me a total of two times. The second discard was much worse than the first discard. She discarded me in front of her kids that time, the day after we moved to a new place. She was clearly going for maximum damage against me, and in that way she overplayed her hand, and caused me to wake up and quickly leave. She wanted me to continue cohabiting with her after breaking up with me! I almost didn’t leave because the second discard was so painful I could barely bring myself to shower and shave.
When you go no contact your exposing the narcissist to the same people they lied to about you!! So they will go somewhere and hide so they won’t feel the shame
This weekend there was a big festival here in San Francisco and I ran into a narcissistic female associate who I’ve been no contact with for many years. I looked great, and she looks shriveled and dried out she kept going on about how happy she was to see me and I couldn’t get away from her fast enough. We ended up at the same club, and I kept avoiding her. I don’t play with narcs.
The narcissist and highly sensitive person are both damaged or traumatized persons, influenced by negative energy subconsciously in childhood and the patterns are in the subconscious mind until we wake up and heal.Thats why we can attract narcissist, until we heal and put out a higher vibration of self care and unconditional love for ourselves through the reparenting process. Both don't feel worthy of love because of either how they were raised or negative traumatic events in their lives. That's why both can exist in a dysfunctional family setting side by side. Going no contact with the narcissist gives the highly sensitive person the space they need to have in order to heal and become strong again. When the narcissist subconsciously understands that you're getting stronger, and are healing, they want to try a drain your lifeforce like an energy vampire again. If you don't learn the lesson the first, second, third, time, etc, they will come back in a feeding frenzy, as they want to harvest your energy once again, not out of love, but out of their need. It's called supply. I don't really like the labels, as they're stereotypical and overused. We don't have to hate the narcissist, we have to understand ourselves so we can become overcomers defeating and reparenting / reprogramming our minds. Those that don't learn from the past are bound to repeat the same mistakes! We learn self love that's unconditional, about red flags, and having boundaries. In essence we overcome the the gods of this world, by the renewing of our minds. Lastly, we are spiritual beings that have a soul (our mind, intelect, will, etc.), and we're having a human experience in a body of clay that will soon enough return into the earth. Your spirit and personality will return to the eternal.😉❤😘
5:55 Thank you Joe, every time I hear such a thing, it hits really hard afresh, which feels ridiculous, so I just said out loud ‘oh my god’ - i cannot conceive how anyone can be like this, it’s the absolute opposite of life, I have no other way to put it- i know it’s true cognitively but it’s this visceral all being response of basically horror & utter disgust too that these people live like this, are like this, I still can’t help but think how is that possible? Anyway thank you, thank goodness for utube for those of us who well the Polly-Anna’s (& male equivalent) who are the absolute opposite, I can’t believe how ‘innocent’ I was before, it’s it wrong I would dearly love Elon to send them all to Mars, planet of war, they’d be happy there - & leave the rest of us, peaceful happy people alone.
I’ve noticed it. I have a former narcissistic friend and, although it could have nothing to do with me at all, I think I see and feel their absence, from the activities they used to do. They didn’t get what they wanted from me and it’s possible they may have depression because of it.
Thank you Joe for such a clear concise & so spot on in the mind of these people … I have watched lots on narcissistic behaviours but your calm videos and explanations are as if you have lived my exact experience.
Well it does feel like a game when the narcissist devalues (puts you down, lies about who you are knowing fully well it is b.s.). Especially if it’s all about who has the “power.” Power dynamics are nothing but an illusion. It’s not real or tangible. It’s based on opinion only which quite frankly is like @$$ holes we all have one. But opinions are not facts. Quite frankly, I survived before the narcissist came into my life and I have been surviving since. It is what it is…
"They don't have access to something that made them feel good." Good news, there was no benefit to you. You were probably exhausted by any and all narcissists, even if they were just someone you bumped into at the grocery store. EXHAUSTING! Boring. Codependent. Etc.
I don't see any positives in being no contact. I still keep having thoughts about how he betrayed me, the anger, the hurt, so it keeps me stuck ruminating which I think gives energy to narcissist but I cant do anything else rn....
Dont be to hard on yourself by thinking you give the narcissist energy. Your mind is processing the trauma you went thru. Its a good thing you make sense out of this crazyness and so you can laugh about the stupidity in the end. Also that you will recognize the red flags and hopefully wont fall for the same shit again. No contact will give you everything you need. ❤
Keep going, it will get better. It's only now after 2 and a half years of no contact that I feel to be truly healing and understand why this is the only way to rebuild our health, well being and sanity. I got a beastly email from my ex this week, who must have changed his email address. I chose to read it, and it was so sick and so predictable. He is furious because we were at the same party and I avoided him and ignored him. I know the game now, so it didn't upset me more than just a momentary visceral response. This showed me how far I have come, and how much stronger I am now as a result of the whole strange crazy making experience of being with a covert narcissist. Hang on in there.
Thr positives will come. Right now you are dwelling on the past. This means you arent keeping yourself busy. PUSH YOURSELF every day to do new things that interest you. And give it time.
@@Bhtm000 How can I laugh about the stupidity? He used me not only for my deepy care about him, not only as punching bag, but he manipulated me and pushed me into sharing nudes - and this is no funny, no matter how I try to look at it. I never showed myself to somebody else and he knew it. He pulled out 6 months old screenshot of me saying bad stuff and warning the new woman (in the time when HE betrayed me). So not only he traingulated me, but also used the hurt he caused me and my reaction to his betrayal as another punishment and making me more mad at the woman who mocked me and making me feel like she sending him these 6 months old screenshots - is like my fault for the end, and partly as if she destroyed it between us. (I know he for sure asked for these ss from her. He did it on Valentines day - 2 weeks after sharing nudes. That is no coincidence to brutally discard me this shortly after sharing pics, when he left me completely vulnerable)
I'm in a similar boat. We broke up a year ago and she still is very much alive in me. Conquering the rumination is the last step bc my experience has been as long as I am ruminating then I am vulnerable to getting sucked back into the cycle, which has unfortunately happened more than once bc the incessant rumination eventually becomes too much to bear and I give in. It seems to me the rumination is a symptom of the addiction to her and I'm still ruminating because I haven't rewired myself to associate a thought of her with doing something else. I'm currently wired that when I think of her I start pondering about the love bombing phase, or how badly she mistreated me, or wondering what she's up to, or if she's getting tired of the new supply, or how much of a terrible person she is, or countless other thought patterns that keep me physiologically bounded under her influence even when there is no direct contact. I'm currently in the process of trying to cut off this cyclical pattern by immediately acknowledging that when she pops up in my head I tell myself that this is not an appropriate thought, I say out loud, "Get out of my head," and then say either out loud or in my mind the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. I've just started doing this but it seems to be working so far.
Wouldn't the opposite work even better? Pretending you're totally clingy, needy, and dependent to lower your perceived value? I'd think that would disgust anybody enough to get them to leave you alone.
