Why People Cheat, According to Psychology 

I’d rather get broken up through text randomly than to get cheated on ngl

He was my second serious relationship. We had all the "indicators" of making it a long run. Family loved him, stable, emotionally available, great sex, we became best friends. 15 years have passed and I still remember his exact words: I cannot stop thinking about this girl and can't get her out of my mind. I want to tell you because I rather break your heart with honesty than with lies and cheating. Heart was broken but I never resented him nor hated him.

You can never really avoid to get cheated on. It’s more on your partner than yourself. Just be the best you can be and if they still cheat, it’s their loss. No need to change for anybody.

Cheating is something that I never even thought of as a real thing. It felt like something that happened in movies. I would never even consider cheating because when I love someone, they are my world. So when I was cheated on multiple times, it hit me hard. My entire concept of trust has been permanently effected. I haven’t been in a relationship since because I honestly feel like I don’t understand how relationships work anymore.

It’s so sad cause it fucks up the normal people that don’t cheat and want a real relationship. We go through so much emotionally we can’t even trust anyone anymore

I got married at 18. My ex husband cheated on me te entire time. When I found out, 6 years later, I felt crushed. Today, more than 1 year ago I still have nightmares about it. I wake up crying because of this. Even when I thought it didnt affect me anymore.

How to avoid getting cheated on: never date or partner up with anyone. That's it. There is no foolproof way to prevent cheating. Either someone decides to stay faithful or they don't. If you're doing something that makes them want to be with someone else, a mature person will talk to you about it or break up with you. They won't cheat. It's that simple.

Just want to clarify that bunnies are committal animals that typically will bond with life partner :)

I totally understand if someone falls in love with someone else. You can't control your feelings. BUT, you should always be honest and break up with your significant other instead of keeping the illusion, lying and being in another relationship at the same time. I have never been cheated on, all I want is for men to tell me straight away when they don't want to stay with me anymore. It hurts, but at least I don't waste my time with a cheater and I can move on. Also: please, consider open/poly relationships if monogamy isn't meant for you. Stop deceiving people, be honest with yourself and the others. People: please stop "accepting" such behaviours. You don't have to forgive a cheater, you don't have to settle because you're afraid of being alone. Accept solitude, embrace it, and you will never settle with someone unworthy of your love and trust.

I’m scared of my boyfriend falling out of love with me and I don’t even have a boyfriend.

I think if someone cheats on me I'll leave them immediately. It's not worth it to stay in a relationship where you're tormented by the fact that your partner cheated and you lack trust.

My girlfriend of almost 10 years cheated on me. We broke up a few months after I found out. She was a childhood friend. My high school sweetheart. She was my bestfriend. She's pretty much my entire world. It's been almost 2 years since that happened but every now and then it still haunts me. We share the same social circles and my relationship with some of our friends changed because of some lies she told. The experience pretty much broke me and until now I can't say that I have "moved on" or I'm "ok". I can't even function normally on day to day stuff. Some of the worst parts after that is we're not even friends anymore. We're less than strangers now and all the people around me, especially our common friends, expect me to "move on".

Don't have a boyfriend: problem solved. 😌

step one: don't date a cheater

Risk factors: - Mostly men overall, but usually female in younger generations - aged 39/any age ending in 9 - Narcissism, lower agreeableness, lower conscientiousness - Divorced - Cheated in the past - Low relationship satisfaction

My ex told me he cheated in the past. He admitted it with shame and told me plainly that he did it out of selfishness and he hated himself for it and that he would never do it again because he hurt his ex girlfriend and that was wrong. He sincerely told me he had changed. And he then he cheated on me, the first chance he got. Sometimes you just can’t tell.

never marry an entitled person, they will justify why it's ok

An old friend told me once, when you caught him/her cheating ONCE (in any form), more likely they were already doing it before your eyes know it. Been there.

- fell out of love - seeking variety - drinking/situational (men) - raise self-esteem - Feel uncared for/angry with partner - 1/3 said "sexual desire"

As far as why people don't cheat, I personally simply choose not to. I just think it's absolutely wrong to do that to someone. I don't want to cheat on anyone, and I don't want to be the one someone else is cheating with. It's a quality of my personality that exists regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.

I learned the hard way that sexual compatibility was for more important than I expected. If you have a partner with proclivities you're not willing/ comfortable indulging, they might seek it out elsewhere.

watching this while my bf is sleep next to me and his age ends in 9 👁👄👁

As a guy, I don't see the point in cheating. If the reason to cheat is because you're unsatisfied with your current partner and are fulfilling those needs with another, why don't you just break up with your partner? I'd sooner breakup with a partner when things aren't working out and we've tried to fix it, than to cheat.

I used to ask my ex-gf about feedback every month to see how we can growth better in our relationship...that's a good thing to do...in the end our relationship didn't work out for other reasons but asking feedback is always a good habit.

My boyfriend of four and a half years cheated on me three years ago, then left me for the other person. Mostly moved on, but it still hurts when I think about it every now and again.

I’m far too unforgiving to cheaters- suppose I will remain single until further notice.

If you cheat, you're a pos. End of. You're an adult that is perfectly capable of making decisions, and choosing to cheat is choosing to really fucking hurt someone. If you know you're inclined to cheat, don't get into a committed relationship. Simple.

“How to not get cheated on” I think the actual wording for that would be Love yourself regardless because even if you get cheated on, it’s not your fault.

From my own experience, I believe that narcissists and sometimes people who just have low esteem, are more likely to cheat as a result of their constant hunt for validation. My ex did exactly what you said, when he wanted out of the relationship he cheated on me because he knew I wouldn't forgive that, even though before that happened, he would threaten me with suicide or use violence against me when I wanted out. The weird thing is, I feel like I could forgive cheating in my current relationship. Humans are weird like that Edit: good luck with your exams!!!❤️

I heard that people cheat because they enjoy the attention. I realized this was true for my previous relationship as I failed to provide my ex emotional support and when his coworker started giving him attention, he enjoyed it very much. He left me for her

Ana: Minimize the cheating factors. Me: I have to break up with my boyfriend when he's 29 👁👄👁

I was in a relationship and fell in love with someone else. As I realized this, I immediately ended things, and though it was very difficult, I felt really bad..I am proud of the way I handled it. Yes, I hurt my ex when I left her so abruptly, but my conscience is clear that I didn't damage her. I have been cheated on before as well. There's absolutely no justification for it. It's just downright poor character.

I always took two types of cheating seriously: Emotional cheating and Physical cheating.

My husband had an affair that last 6-8 months still don’t know if it was emotional or physical or both . I’ve stayed because we have 3 small children together but it’s torn me apart . It’s hard to let go of the last 9 year we’ve had together . That I’m sure is an other reason people stay . The time invested in to someone. But slowly I am making my plans to leave this relationship. He wants to make it work but I already know his intentions were never because he really cared , it was more for financial reasons on his part and child support obligations. Sad I know . He realized he couldn’t have have his cake and eat too along with some more dessert on the side. He was never truly sorry for what he did to me I think that’s what made it 100x worse . Once someone does something to completely betray you they should feel disgusted with themselves for ever trying to mess with your mental and emotional health . Which is exactly what he did . It wasn’t ever just he had an affair and realized he was wrong . He got caught and kept going back to it and in between all of it kept telling me I was making things up in my head and that I was completely out of my mind . That is unforgivable.

I've seen the adultery subreddit, so many of the people dissatisfied are utterly entitled and also don't properly communicate with their partner and work on their sexual compatibility. Or the bigger one: they don't break up when they realize they aren't compatible or they know it won't work out. I'd be reluctant to fully believe cheaters who say they weren't satisfied and their partner wasn't good enough, as they often have a warped view (emotionally immature, have mental illness, narcissism, etc.).

I was cheated when I was very young at 20 yo. Now I am 36 and this memory still makes me feel anxious. I dont know if this feeling will ever go away but I wish I wouldn't have this experience. People who cheat ruin everything. From people as individuals to families to societies.

I am really happy you mentioned avoiding selfishness, narcissism, sense of entitlement, low-morality first!... you can't 'cheat proof' that. It is so damaging when people spread messages like 'have sex with them often, spoil them, satisfy them'... especially for those in narcissistic relationships.

i think it hurts me more to read(in the comment section) that people who were cheated on choose to stay with the POS than to actually have had experienced the cheating myself. Like I can’t understand why stay? They don’t respect, they don’t cherish you, they don’t love you. Cheaters are a sewer clump of issues, YOU deserve so much better, you deserve a better YOU who then deserves someone Decent!. There are wonderful people out there who won’t cheat on you, in fact, will make others vey jealous OF YOU. Idk, I just feel so emotional today that Reading these comments is making me very depressed. Cheating is rampant in my family, my grandma being old school stayed w her husband, and My mom who herself cheated Is Oblivious of HER dad being a cheater.

I'm a guy who's never cheated. I don't have the energy for more than one person at a time and I think it's immature af to want that much attention. But I do have trust issues and will subconsciously push you away so I can't get attatched.

I was just cheated on recently and it ended my relationship of 3 years and some change. She stopped wanting the physical touch side of the relationship towards the end and after about a year of asking for attention in that physical way, she decides to hangout with someone she used to be friends with (someone that she talked about hating all the time) and hooks up with him. She knew how much I wanted that kind of attention physically and she still chose to hurt me in the worst possible way. I did everything for her.

I never considered cheating to come from a "biological factor". To me, it's a matter of character! We all know that cheating is always gonna hurt our partner. No matter if it's a one time thing (physical cheating) or bonding with someone new over time (emotional cheating). In both cases, you are aware what is going on and what the consequences will turn out to be. Excuses like "It just happened" or "I didn't notice till it was too late" are just pathetic. Everyone of us is clearly aware when he/she decides to give into something. Cheaters are selfish people. Like I said before, it's not the gender, it's your character. A cheater doesn't love or respect his/her partner. Otherwise he/she wouldn't choose to hurt them on purpose. Whenever you feel like something is going on or your feelings towards your partner have decreased while you developed feelings for a co-worker/friend/etc., you can always retreat and do some thinking. Think clearly whether you want to give up a loving relationship with someone that has been through a lot with you for a "meaningless adventure". (Even if you are in a relationship without love or - even worse - caught in an abusive one, it's always better to leave than to cheat!) Then have a talk with your partner. Even if it hurts them, it shows that you are honest. And it gives them also the opportunity to evaluate your relationship. You get the chance to talk about issues your partner didn't see before and choose whether you want to solve them together or not. Cheaters don't do this. Many of them share the mindset of "deserving the best whenever they want to have it" and don't care about others. Their ego is super toxic. Even before admitting their own faults, they turn to the extreme. The best shown cases are when the cheater married the one he cheated with within a few months or even weeks. This isn't about love either, it's their own reassurance to them that they are not bad people. They might claim to love their new partner but that's just because it's all new and exciting. They depend their happiness on others. Once honeymoon phase ended, everything goes back to "normal" and they start looking for the next "Mr./Mrs.Right". It's a vicious circle because all of their relationships are doomed to fail. I'm not even sure if cheaters can actually love someone. It's no coincidence that many cheaters are suffering from narcissistic syndromes. I'm not a professional on this topic, just someone who recently made his own experience with a cheater.

Even with my friends, and people I date(first dates and cheating topics come up). In the back of their mind, they’re expecting to get cheated on and “I will work it out” NO BABY YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE THE LIFE. It Hurts me so much listening to these people who just accept it. Doesn’t help the fact that half our society praises and encourages cheating... Sick of this.

My conclusion is, the excitement to somthing new and doing something your not supoose to do, makes your body rush 2x the whatever dopamin level, and you get extra turned on that you probably don't get daily in your relationship is what i think causing the majority to cheating choices. Then again just a theory of mine. Great video it's interesting 👍.

Look everyone, the only thing to really understand is that the cheater has something fundamentally wrong with them and that you are better than them. As controversial as that might be for some to hear or appreciate, that is the single and only truth.

To be honest, I'm only here to press "like" as a way of supporting you because this topic is too triggering for me to have the strength to watch. Hopefully it helps others! I'll be back when I have more courage 😂

why is this making me sad :(

What I don't understand is why go into a relationship with someone and then go and cheat on them, at that point all your doing is just hurting them more. Just keep it real with who ever your with.

Thank you Ana. Keep your head up everyone. There are plenty of people that want a committed relationship no matter what. We just have to find each other. 😔

I cheated for one simple reason. I was afraid of failing my exam....... I was in grade 3. (T_T)

I really don’t understand how you’re not wildly popular yet. Every time I watch your videos I forget you aren’t a big RU-vidr. Give it time and I guarantee you will blow up 💫 I love your videos btw

Ever since I got cheated on a couple of years ago, I started to do some research on infidelity via books, reports, and info from socials here and there from time to time as a healing process. I got to say this is one of the most informative videos I’ve seen so far on YT. Thank you for sharing this video and I love how clear and organized your content is and how calm the way you explain it. Wish you a nice day and stay safe/ healthy especially in this time😊💕

it's always a breath of fresh air to get someone explain things that they actually know about. Yeah cheating/infidelity is very complex. But well done on the vid, buen trabajo

Confession; I forgave one of my former partners for cheating, but no one, not even my best friend knows it even happened

You should have a podcast. You’re work is amazing !!

I got cheated on and 5 years later found my fiancé. I'm also getting my license in Marriage and Family Therapy. There will always be a scar from being cheated on, but life does not end there and I certainly overcame it. You will too!

Catching a partner within a month of cheating is better than within years of cheating, but the worse thing that could happen with your partner is truly loving each other but they ended up dying at a young age.

Don’t worry ladies a lot of it has to deal with the type of person they are like their characteristics/personality. If the person is strong minded and have good morals there’s really nothing to worry about and those factors don’t mean anything because if a cheater wants to cheat they will do it no matter what obstacles their partner puts in front of them they will find a way. You can’t prevent a cheater from cheating, but you can prevent yourself from dating someone who is capable of cheating. A lot of observation I have seen in successful healthy relationship is good communication skills, having boundaries and not rushing into a relationship until you know the person. (Also I don’t believe that just because someone is well off you should avoid them completely it just depends on the person and their morals because there are a lot of well off men out there who are still loyal and faithful because it doesn’t matter what their class is, it just depends on the type of rich person they are)

why would a guy that apparently is “all about his girlfriend” cheat on her? i was really shocked because i thought he was such a loyal loving boyfriend to her. some examples that i noticed: having pictures of her on his phone, her picture as his phone wallpaper, her name in his ig bio, even tatted her name on his chest, facetimes her at work everyday. he makes it very apparent that he has a gf, almost as if he wants the entire world to know he’s taken and he prides in that. they’re also engaged. but little did i expect he would be flirting like crazy and wanted to be fwb. how can a guy cheat on his girlfriend if he really loved her like that?

Solid advice on how to minimize being cheated on, especially on how to tell if a previous cheater can be trusted.

“How to avoid getting cheated on” you can’t avoid it; If your partner wanna cheat they finna cheat

Why cant they just be honest?.. speak up, try and work it out, come to a compromise, or leave etc. Like why is that so hard? Why so selfish?

Sometimes we tend to forget that there's so much more to everything. Thus tend to blame ourselves, when theres just so much more to it. This was really interesting

Ana thank you so much. Your videos have been incredibly therapeutic while I've been navigating some of the hardest times of my life. I love how a community of people that have been in similar shoes can share their stories and how they have moved on to brighter days. My girlfriend of 2 years just let me know she started cheating on me a month ago, a few days after my dad passed away. I confronted her about it when I was suspicious and she lied to me acting as if I was crazy. After she continued to cheat and eventually felt guilty she finally came clean but said she still wants to be with me. I feel so emotionally damaged from what she has put me through and I had tried to forgive her initially but I have realized there is no forgiving her what she has done to me. Thank you for your help and support during these times. ❤️

That's why I'm afraid to have a romantic and intimate relationship with someone, I always overthink that if I have a relationship with someone, they'd cheat on me :"(

People cheat because they get bored, end of story. Pretty much all the evils of the world boil down to this simple fact, boredom.

If you truly love someone you will not hurt him/her in any way, love and hurt cannot exist together! So if your s/o cheated on you then apologize and say they love you, it's just bullshiz!

So much info to help for people who've been cheated on but no out reach for ppl who struggle with staying faithful.

I really like the references being in the description, tyvm

Off-topic but you're really really pretty.

Thank you so much for this! I was cheated on and blamed myself for it, but now I know that there were many different factors that caused my past partner to cheat, and that it wasn’t my fault. I love your videos so much! Keep it up!💕💕💕

i had been in relationship with 3 different people from 15 until 18, I was cheated in all three relationships. ever since that happened I stopped being in relationship and started to invest in myself, and now I'm 22. getting cheated on is the most heartbreaking thing you could ever do, its not easy to rebuild our self esteem.

If we have to try to find ways to avoid getting cheated on there's something wrong with this world.

I didn’t know relationships can decrease the risk for bipolar episodes! Do you have a citation for that? I’d love to read up on it more

As a psychology student your videos are really inspiring and motivate me to keep studying to get to where you're at. THANKS ANA

All of my siblings have had experience with cheating and my dad played a huge part in that. I have only been married for 3 years but I am hoping that our relationship will be different from what my parents and siblings have had, I do not want my daughter to see what I had to see growing up with my family.

Cheating is a sore topic for me. In my longest relationship, I was cheated on, but she didn't tell me about it until after she broke up with me. It took me years to get over it, and realize that it doesn't mean she's forever a horrible person(I know that I wasn't a perfect person, and she was somewhat dissatisfied emotionally). Fast forward to now, I'm recently in a new relationship, and I already cheated(kissing, not sex). I became the thing that I hated. I could blame my low self esteem, my history of attraction for the other person and wanting to close that chapter for good, or other factors, but ultimately I made a horrible mistake, and I knew it. I told my partner the very next day (I have a horribly guilty nervous conscience). We talked it over and she reiterated her boundaries, etc, and i am grateful to be in her clemency. I go between wanting to keep hold of this lesson and be a better person, and wanting to die because I think I'm a horrible person and am scared that I'll hurt someone again.

Clicked so fast! This has been on my mind a lot recently... Thanks Ana 😊

I love how you add the time stamps

Framing the variation in human psychology as evolutionary adaptation makes so much sense when compared to the contemporary narrative of abnormal dysfunction really speaks to the magnitude that the taboo of psychological manifestations outside the "acceptible" norm proliferates, as you bring me to understand my own internal bias concerning the subject. Thank you for your intelligent insight.

Very well spoken. AND I mean Eloquent 🥺👏..you could not have been more clearer💗

Your videos are always so educational and interesting. I learned a lot about psychology from your channel. Thank you for another great video!

Having bi polar disorder, relationships tend to be more of a trigger for me when things aren't going well.

Emotionally cheating is not only cheating it's the worst kind of cheating,it really doesn't matter who thinks it's cheating or not!

I have bipolar 2 disorder and when I was in a relationship with my ex partner, I went through constant episode of mainly depression. I think it was because the relationship was not healthy at all (it wasn’t abusive or anything like that, just differences we had) but now that I have ended things and am going to therapy on a weekly basis, I feel amazing and my episode are much less frequent!

No reason to be in a relationship or get married when people cannot stop cheating. Just stay single.

How hasn't your channel blown up yet?! This is so informative!

Your statistics are absolutely correct. Ages, time lines and motives. Spot on. How do I know? Lets just say I've lived it.

We probably don't agree on a lot of issues, but the info in this video is interesting. Thank you for presenting so well and objectively. 👏👏👏

I love the way you explained things, in a very calm and lovely manner. Your content is also very well put together and I definitely learned something from it. My sincere compliments 😊

i got diagnosed with bipolar while in a toxic relationship, which he cheated on me multiple time, and i had many bipolar episodes. I am now in a new relationship and i feel a lot more emotionally safe and my moods, related to my bipolar, have been a lot more stable.

I've given up on dating and relationships, so I have nothing to worry about! 😊

Ana, you have a very effective & concise ways of explaining the validity issues & limitations of this research without having to dig further into a lot of insignificant, time consuming detail. Also, I enjoyed your quip about bunnies “doing it.” Keep up the good work!!

This video actually consoles me abit, because I’m 18, and I just have this view that a very small percentage of the population is loyal and faithful to their partner, and I was under the impression that I was yet to meet a large number of these people 😅😂 But the reason this video comforts me, is because it helps me understand that there are soooo many factors that go into cheating, many of them I already knew. But In the video, she really goes into detail about how all the different variants can add up. It helps me see that, even the sweetest soul could cheat, and the best thing anyone can do, is like she said; put energy into making the relationship as healthy and happy as it can be. Having conversations about each other’s needs and trying your best to meet each other half way. Too often are specific types of character or the background and status someone comes from used as a definitive confirmation that they cheated because of X reason. When really we’re all human, and there are a range or reasons why we cheat. Honestly, the only person who really knows why they cheated is the cheater themselves. If they don’t want to disclose that info, or don’t posses the self awareness, those are red flags in themselves too. Similarly, as she mentioned.

I'm glad I found your channel, you explain really well and it's really interesting. I actually didn't thought of the opportunity factor, but it makes a lot of sense obviously. Hope you get more recognition, you deserve it!

100% this is a solid video and very easy to understand and the points you brought up were very good. Thank you.

Cool ending to the video!!! Thank you. Tldr? Don't wanna get cheated on? 3 things, have a good happy relationship, discover if you relative other is insecure and final logistics, Is he in a situation where it's easy to cheat? Extra, think about what you think cheating is.

Congrats! I really like your channel, the way you link series such as desperate housewives with psychological terms. Greetings from Spain.

It seems like when I’ve gotten cheated on (twice) it wasn’t just one night stands it was them starting a whole new relationship with someone else. Who they continued to be happy with for years after me. Sigh. I think it would hurt me just as much if they had a one night stand though as I try so hard to be good in the bedroom so they don’t have those needs so if that happened I would be so devastated. The ones who left me for another relationship I almost felt bad for because they never got that time in between relationships to be single and work on themselves. Who wants to go from one relationship straight into another one? I don’t

i know its off topic but i honestly love to listen to you!! great video

her voice is sooo soothing and calming