Has anyone else gradually started to dislike social events, networking, small talk, etc. as they've gotten older? I feel like I used to go crazy for that stuff 10-15 years ago and now I enjoy time to myself and being left alone.
absolutely! I have less and less "friends" because I just don't have the energy to keep people around who don't actually interest me. Networking events are pure torture for me. I can small-talk but will try to get out of it as often and as fast as possible. My BS tolerance level has dropped considerably in the last 10 years. The people I consider real friends now is a curated bunch who is just as antisocial and blunt as I am.
@@BOG0690 It's getting even worse these days, too many facebook groups full of shit that brainwash women into thinking men are narcissists etc. Raise your voice = abuse, suggest things you're being manipulative the list goes on. My ex joined one and i fell over laughing at it, I'm so far from being one it's crazy she thinks that I am. I have empathy for others, i don't see my self as better than anyone else. I had abuse issues (from my mum)that i really never delt with and it hit me hard when my father died, the grief of my father triggered it. Fuck my ex I'm glad she is gone, always playing the victim card and blame game. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" Moral of the story, women are getting brainwashed into thinking unrealistic things about how relationships work. Why is divorce rates so high. Why are the only couples who stay together for over 20 years are from before the 80's. Information age has killed relationships, into thinking and wanting unrealistic things.
@@snorrevonflake Someone you can be silent with perhaps? Don't restrict your options or yourself. Make the silent glass half full. As for me, I could be silent with my mum many years ago, but then she turned into fem gen 2 and my silence became of another kind. From coexistence to avoidance.
So true. I was in a relationship with a girl who by today’s standards was a very good girl who had good values. But it was still suffocating. When that relationship ended immediately it felt like a burden was lifted form me.
@@thehylander266 That’s me right now. Been in a relationship for 5 years. She’s a lovely girl but relationships are pretty burdensome after a while. You feel like a terrible person. Edit- 1 month later I broke things off. Both better off this way and I wish her all the best.
This is phase I’m in. Before, I yearned for a relationship. Got into one for 9 years with a woman. Lived together, married, kid, separated, second kid, divorced. Ended badly when I caught her out lying an cheating and use gaslighting techniques and crazy making to cover her ego and her tracks. Been over a year now since I went no contact. And I’ve really enjoyed being on my own again. It’s been peaceful. I’ve got money. I can do and watch what I want, and I know where my money goes and what I have. My home is as I left it. I’m not picking up after anyone, or answering mundanely to someone out of obligation. I’m not having to second, triple guess myself. It’s such a pleasant feeling. No one is complaining or moaning at me for things that aren’t even worth a complaint. I sleep in my own bed and not on the sofa. I can watch a film I want. Listen to music I like. So many things I can simply enjoy and appreciate without judgement or being put down for. It’s freeing. Enjoying that silence.
I am over 50 years old now, never married & have no children. I still enjoy female company, but no longer date w the intention of building a relationship. Instead, it's just enjoying a night out & good company. And I must say, I enjoy myself much more now without the pressure of trying to match & maintain relationships! I have no drama in my life right now & everything I have is my own.
I am totally with you, but do you find it challenging finding a woman with the same intentions? I mean, a woman that wants to date in her 40s or 50s that has no interest in developing a serious relationship?
@@Somchai007 , yes, I do find that challenge. Not all are "on board," they're looking for something more serious. So, I wish them everything they hope for & usually we say our goodbyes at the end of the night w no plans to see each other again. One woman actually argued w me. After several dates she said, "I just don't see why we can't be together!" There is a sad element to it. But wasn't there a great philosopher who once said, "to thine own self be true?" I have to go w that.
@@DanaDane559 Yes, there is a sad element to it, especially when you come across a good woman with good intentions (atleast for now). The no drama and everything you have is your own is the pay off. This will be me looking forward, after a 13 year relationship fail. Good luck!
My life exactly, although I was married. Divorced 12 years ago and at 52 I’ve developed a life where I’m comfortable both financially and spiritually. Long term relationships no longer interest me but yes I still enjoy the company of females.
@ Dana , that’s awesome man ! I’m 35 no kids , never married either . I would like to casually date just for fun , but that’s kind of impossible around here lol .
I'm 47 and divorced. Was married 15 years before being cheated on, tossed aside, and my resources looted. Thinking of that alone reminds me of how easy it is for one to lose it all for "love". No thank you, I'm good. I now find my solitude very comforting; I do what I want and when I want. I'm alone, but I'm definitely not lonely. Think I'll rescue a dog at the pound instead. Stay winning, gentz.
Been in the same boat mate, Dogs ARE the most loyal breathing things I know of, there trust worthy and are honestly ALWAYS happy to see you when you get home from work, mic drop !
I'm 32 and can already feel my desire to chase woman coming to a crawl, I think the obsession with women that young men have has been heavily influenced by movies and music the older you get the more you realise that you want a partner and finding one that is truly a PARTNER in life is as hard as becoming the 1% financially and this goes for both men and women.
Hormones, baby. (Double entendre ). Mother nature wants you to get the job done. She don't care one whit about satisfaction in old age. (According to her -32 is old age).
Relationships are harder when people are older because... 1. Health has declined, so it's physically more difficult 2. Time is shorter, so people have less patience in dealing with the unpleasant behaviors of others.
@@joeber3869 There's a fascination frantic In a ruin that's romantic; Do you think you are sufficiently decayed? W. S. Gilbert 1836-1911 English writer of comic and satirical verse: The Mikado (1885) act 2
I am 78 years old and I know what you are saying. Yes, I miss my old friends but to be with them like I did when I was younger is nearly impossible. I like what I do all by myself. I have my pet dog to keep me company but other than that that is it. Sex? that interest was lost so long ago. Maybe If I just had a fling once in a while might be of interest as long as they leave right after we are finished. Sad?. I thought so but right now no. We all die by ourselves, we don't take our friends or family with us. We make our own happiness. That is life.
Gerhard Symons xsr900 is real nice. Tasteful mods abound too. It’s either that or the cb1000r soon. Both are great project bikes. Leaving my shreaking cbr650 behind haha
This is going to make me sound like a total loser......but the older I get...the more I realize how incredibly happy I am not having to "tolerate" anyone. This is the best time in human history to be a loner. So many amazing books, movies, music, video games, and solitary interests/hobbies you can just dive into. An entire internet with like-minded people you can shoot ideas off of. So much porn. So much philosophy. So many memes. So much art and beauty. Every time I've had a girlfriend...it's never long before I just want her to go the hell away and let me watch some RU-vid in total silence. So what does that say about me? I'm some terrible person? No. It says that I am my own person who needs tranquility. More importantly...what does that say about this ridiculous pedestal we've all put women on as a society? It says they're wonderful...but also overrated.
Quote: ("Every time I've had a girlfriend...it's never long before I just want her to go the hell away and let me watch some RU-vid in total silence.") I was married for 7 years, and I felt the exact same way about her after about 3 years. The first 3 years were fun, the last 4 years of the marriage was just awful, it was like a war between us, and I wanted her to just go away. Luckily for me she did.
@@LfunkeyA Not being with a toxic person who nags you and leeches off of you is the more desirable option. Tranquility is being at peace in yourself. Strange that you would focus on entertainment. Are you one of those people who thinks a man is an incel-cuck-beta-simp-loser if he enjoys spending his time reading books instead of wasting it on a toxic woman?
I don't think you are a loser. People's fuses and tolerances are shorter with age. Some people have soulmates that neither one can live without but those relationships are getting scarcer now days.
if you've ever taken a walk in the woods, you might have encountered two trees that got entwined as saplings and grew to maturity that way. The interesting thing about this is that it can only happen if the trees get entangled while they are both still flexible. You never see two full grown trees start wrapping around one another. I got married as a young man, and my wife and I grew up as a couple. We influenced one another with our new opinions, and over time our world views were quite homogeneous. After she died and I tried to date again, I quickly realized that finding another such kindred spirit was never going to happen again. Because the first time it wasn't a matter of FINDING a kindred spirit... it was a matter of growing to maturity with another person, and by association, being influenced by all the same life events. Trying to date after age (insert your age here), both you and any other person you encounter have both pretty much solidified in your thinking. You might adapt in small ways... but there isn't really any payoff for making sacrifices in order to get along.
The person your looking for is YOU. The one who accepts others with all their faults and still loves them. Whether their love is reciprocal or not. Remove judgment.
The older I get the more I've learned to love and appreciate my own solitude, peace, quiet, and freedom. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please, go for walks, ride my bicycles, visit a forest, sit by a lake or river, and embrace the sounds sights and smells of nature all to myself. At this point in life I am content and at peace with no desire to change it.
I’m 55. Divorced a year ago after a 30-year relationship. Have zero expectation/ desire to find another permanent partner. Thanks for the good, short video
I used to like being around people. But a shocking divorce raping, losing my kids and a business collapse changed all that. Its been 5 years alone and I have adapted. I can't ever be in another live together scenario. Dont even think coffee or a movie is now possible. I have had many opportunities for a relationship but I now realize I am done. But its a good thing, Compared to the misery I went through its heaven.
I'm there with you. Went through the exact same bullshit. Sucks to be betrayed by the one closest to you. But in the end, you realize an end to a suffering is better than no end in suffering.
@Roy_Thousand I considered this for some time. The inner anger was destructive. So I googled "Inner rage" for help and this led to "red pill rage" and then Mgtow. This was real therapy for me; finding other men who had faced the same issue. I have always questioned therapists. How could they advise me when they have personally never been through something like this.?
@Roy_Thousand Sorry I did get some counseling now I recall. Our medical system offered 6 phone sessions over a month with a guy trained in this type of thing but there was no face to face. It helped a little but you still have to dig yourself out.
Max Ward yep the only way out of a hole is to climb out. I found researching into Stoicism useful for setting the mind right in the present, stopping bad thoughts of the past and being OK with the future.
I'm a 27 year old American, I honestly can say I have come to the realization that I am happy on my own. I get along well with other people and enjoy female company, but relationships aren't for me. The constant check ups, the forced conversation, the accusations that I am talking to other women when I'm not giving her attention (Which is the female projection, in reality it is her giving her attention to other guys.) And they act surprised when I break up with them after they start drama. I'm moving to the UK in a couple of years to create a new life for myself. I'm open to the possibility of meeting someone, but I am not actively searching for it. Honestly, its better to to be a "friend with benefits" than be in a relationship. No one is forced on each other, you can cut ties at any moment and you can both have fun. Relationships are the worst investment of time and I could never trust someone to be loyal in this day and age. Saves me a lot of time, energy and keeps me from heartbreak.
Lived in England for a few years up until last year and would go back in a heartbeat. Amazing country man, amazing people, unparalleled access to the best travel in the world. Seriously you'll love it!
I'm not going for the women. Women here in the US are the same as the UK, was seeing a UK chick for a bit. Total Chameleon. I'm leaving the US on my own accord.
They're actually only a little bit more privileged here in the UK, than the US. Such that there's actually a likelyhood of being spermjacked just so they can become single mothers by choice. They'll actually forgoe taking some men to the cleaners, because they have the benefit of being facilitated by daddy-government regardless, and by denying you a paternity test, they gain all the benefits (housing, finance, social validation, control, motherhood etc), minus the paternal obligation. That's the only 'silver lining' compared to the US. You -might- be exiled, and get to keep your assets, but I still wouldn't risk it, because it's only marginally more likely. (I've experienced it twice, and know more than a hand-full of other male acquaintances/friends whom have also experienced this, though none of us married them, so that might have something to do with it also).
I'm going through a harsh depression and listening to you thoughts is so uplifting. Feels like listening to a good old friend. So grateful for your work.
Hang in there buddy. I've got your back! All of Us do. Focus on building or rebuilding yourself and your confidence will grow as your depression will fade.
I’m in my early 40s and i date but the risk of getting married and settled down again is just too great. Modern women now are so entitled and have all these beta males justifying their poor actions that it’s hard to settle down or even worth it. Staying single with options with money in your pocket is honestly the way to go.
R B Absolutely right if your middle class or even upper middle class and you’ve been through the ringer once you can only afford it once. If you’ve already had children why would you bother to run that risk again when you can have everything without it and more?? It’s just crazy!
I've lived alone except for a 7 year spell of marriage. After that horrible experience (I was lucky, no children) I began to accept a rare bout of loneliness as a small price to pay for the contented isolation from stupid conversations, nagging, shit tests, probing questions. A big bonus is all the time for myself to pursue what I find interesting--without hysterical whining from a woman claiming 'you don't talk to me or spend time with me!'
Same here mate, I am 36, had a 9year relationship without children and now 10 years after the break up I still feel 1:1 as you describe. It is a blessing.
@@nateportney672 I think that some men (including me) are very painresistant if you are in love, every day you wake up and do your best to better the situation because you cant imagine losing her, although your common sense knows that it is a barrel with a hole.
@@patrickmarr7076 Hey, same my man. My wife died two years ago. Dated 4 different women and then I asked myself why am I putting myself through this. Haven't tried to date in over a year and couldn't be happier.
@@dteun Yes I did date 4 and as far as grief goes there is no manual on how to grieve. Each person does it different. Me dating women during that time didn't mean I wasn't grieving. They are not mutually exclusive. It's been just over two years that she passed and I'm still grieving but it changes over time.
Cheers hu, great timing for the uk audience fella. It used to annoy that my ex (like most women) had no real hobbies, her hobby was me/us, I used to feel guilty for pursuing mine but still resent the time spent away from it keeping her happy. In the end it was women or cars, cars won and I excused myself from the relationship. Remember, unlike a women, a car won’t randomly decide it wants a new owner and sell itself on without your consent after you’ve spent loads of your time and money on it making it nice...
It’s made me at 40 years old to believe that true friendship isn’t a real thing, people hang out with you because of the things you have in common or what status you add to their life. Once you change, they leave.
I'm 32 and work weekend 12 hour shifts at night, always sleep during the day, and only go out when I need to(been doing this for years before Covid). If I ever, and that's a huge if, I get into a relationship,. I would have no time for her since I have the complete opposite schedule of a normal human that it wouldn't work out in the first place. I wouldn't trade it for anything though, I like my quiet time at night.
Man get out of that job I just left a job that to much of time and to man weekends. I was eating all the wrong times and put on alot of weight and wasnt training I found a job 8-5and half day Fri with weekends off already have lost a stone And am much happier with more times for hobbies.
@@finneire2081 I'm actually skinny and only eat one big meal a day with small snacks in between. Having four days off is just what I need for my schedule.
I'm 34 and I can relate. I work "on call", and typically get called in on the weekends and nights. Plus I do a lot of overtime. I typically "ghost" a girl after the honeymoon period is over. I don't mind being alone because of my crazy work schedule. As long as I'm being productive, than I'm good.
How great to hear this. These are thoughts that i have had for quite i while now. I am 62 and my attraction to women has faded but my interests in other things like ideas , guitars , music , books, movies , exercise has increased. I don't even have that " wandering eye " any more. I must admit that the drop in interest was something that i thought was missing in me but i now realise that it is simply part of the aging process . This lack if desire is something to be embraced and accepted. I have known acquiescences that were divorced in their 50s yet married again. Not for the unattainable idealistic love but more for the sharing of assets. A rather silly idea in my mind . I glory in my individuality my freedom my own place my fortress of solitude. The loneliness, even in relationships, that i once considered a curse , has now become a joy and a strength and i wholeheartedly accept where my life is taking me. Free from alcohol, drugs and that greatest of addictions romantic love o feel that i can just let go the reigns and float peacefully down that stream to that great ocean where we shall all meet 🤗
Good post. I'm 59 and feel much the same. Back in my 20s and 30s, the hormones and neurochemistry was strong. I felt that chemistry and romantic attraction very easily. Now, I just don't feel that at all anymore -- not toward women 40 years old, much less for women my own age. It's like talking to a neighbor or just having a casual chat. There is no romantic "pull" anymore. It's just gone. I don't miss it. I feel like it made me a puppet on a string, a genetic string.
Exactly! My experience is strikingly similar. It's great to be free from the constant sexual thoughts, loneliness, and expectations of others. It's a liberation. I just retired this year. This is the best time of my life.
@@Arven8 No romantic pull! That is exactly how I feel. I date but don't have the attraction to women that I used to. Just a quiet conversation on an interesting subject would suffice. It's weird having a 55y/old woman(so she claims) interviewing me to see if I'd be competent at taking care of her.
My wife and I have been married for going on 22 years after having known each other for three months before getting married. We have two daughters aged 21 and 13. I'm 50 and she's 45. We're still going strong. Our marriage has never been difficult. We don't have to 'fight' to keep our marriage together. It's my opinion that if you have to constantly 'fight' to keep your marriage going, you married the wrong person. Have we had our issues? Yes, of course, but they were minor and we always communicated with each other to remedy the situation. We've never had a real argument. By that, I mean we've never raised our voices or gotten loud with each other. I have tremendous respect for my wife and I would never raise my voice to her. She has always had my back and I have always had hers. I got really lucky when I met her and I can't imagine life without her. I think the biggest thing that makes our marriage successful is that we never, ever try to control what the other person does. I think that's our secret to a happy marriage. However, I know that everyone is different, so good luck out there, folks! : )
That's why the MGTOW movement baffles me. All my life I've been surrounded with happy, healthy marriages (family, friends, acquaintances)...no fighting...can't keep their hands off each other...no cheating...long term relationships. Is it hard to accept/acknowledge that two people can fall in love and stay in love and have a healthy marriage?
Very true, I was married for 10 years and it was very difficult to just be myself. I felt like I was walking on eggshells for so long. My health suffered for it as I developed acid reflux during the relationship. Once I divorced the acid reflux slowly disappeared. It's just not worth trying to find someone who likes you for who you are. In the end 'you' are the only one who has to like 'you'. That's what matters.
I hear you brother when i was in a relationship with me ex wife at the time the acid reflux cuaght me of guard and having bouts of anxiety all caused by my toxic ex
71. Divorced second time ( yes I know) 8 years ago. Enjoying my retirement. I keep my own timetable which is subject to no one else so if I want to go urban biking at 3 in the morning or eating different cuisine I can do so without being sectioned for acting strangely. Minimalism as a tool rather than philosophy is helpful, and having just the possessions and space I can use and no more keeps me clutter free.
Im in my early 30s and love discussing philosophy, sociology, theology, politics, psychology, history... blah blah. And I'm looking at the next 40 years alone. It is a rather frightening prospect. Fortunately I'm an introvert and a High School teacher so its not so bad. No woman I have ever met has ever been interested in talking deep. Ever. Hard pill to swallow.
Perhaps to meet 'the one' but I was reflecting on long term relationships, marriage, and children. As people get older it seems as though children are the 'glue' that keeps the family together and the man becoming a 'superman'. I know my dad has accomplished the impossible because of his children. My dad, too, loves to 'talk deep' but his wife doesn't. Without the kids, I imagine, little would hold the two of them together - even though both are awesome and virtuous! They say women there is 'the wall' for women in their early thirties... i believe there is a 'soft wall' for men too. What are your thoughts?
@@candidedreaming2766 children are not the glue that hold it together... they can however cause enough of a distraction that you spend 15 years of the relationship focusing solely on them and ignoring the relationship. Once they grow up, your wife goes back to work, revels in the attention and then monkey branches to another man... takes your children away, leaves you homeless and paying quarter of your income in child support. I would know all about that.
@Candide Dreaming: If you really do love philosophy, then ask yourself: (1) What is the meaning of Reality (?) (2) What is the meaning of being Human in terms of the meaning of Reality (?) (3) What is the meaning of being Masculine and Feminine in terms of being Human (?) (4) What is the meaning of romantic relationship in terms of being Masculine and Feminine (?) Then you have the potential to be on the same page with a Woman: directed toward realizing the meaning of Reality through Relationship. It's called Tantra . . .
This video hit hard huMAN-one of those where I catch myself just nodding in agreement throughout. As I've now got into my 40's, I feel less and less pull to women for anything more than a casual good time in small doses. I love my own space and solitude, pursuing my goals and projects whenever I feel. I like the idea of calling myself "specific" instead of stubborn. I just don't want to waste my time spending it with superficial friends or girls, just talking about BS and drinking all the time.
I relate to huMan and the rest of you brothers. I’m 64 and divorced for the last 12 years. Two kids. There’s a lot of pain and loneliness. I see my kids pretty regularly, but I miss all the little things they go through, and vacations. I always wanted to be a dad, and I’m a good one - really. We only get one life and the vision I had is gone. Wife/kids/home, all that. Gone. And women? I look around now and all I can see is their beauty and desirability when they are, say, 18 - 40ish. After that, no attraction really. Who wants sex with a post-menopausal woman? Does that make me a creep? Nope. The culture has greatly shifted. I haven’t been on a date since my divorce. I just wish they wouldn’t come with all their nagging and bitching and fake feminism. They don’t need men in ways they used to. They want security in the form of money, house, support, listening, but I don’t think they have much to offer. Anyway, thanks for reading guys. Peace.
Life does not end at 50 years old. We are always in the process of learning and growing. If your mind is set not to couple with someone then you won't.
The value of peace, quiet, being able to make your own decisions, spending your money as you see fit, hanging out with whomever you feel like it and doing what you want to do whenever it suits you cannot be underestimated. The moment you get into a "relationship" with a modern woman, you are suddenly expected to work hard to achieve or help her achieve HER goals.
When your getting older you start hearing the whisper of your soul : "Waste no more time! you haven't got much of it left. Inquire yourself, observe, read, learn, wright, contemplate. Know thyself. Dive deep inside. Connect only with people you can learn from, grow with (few men. fewer, if at all, women). For to long you've been a slave of your lust, of your body. It's time to start listening to me, your soul! To nurture me. I'm the only thing you will take with you to eternity. GOLDEN CONTENT huMAN.
Our souls are all going to the eternity regardless. Where and with whom we spend that eternity is the question, and its entirely our own decision. Due to our sin nature, we belong to the God of death, Satan, and his kingdom by default. God, being a just God, has no other choice but to send us there. However, out of his love and mercy for us despite our sin, God has given us a way out. God gave us his son, Jesus Christ, the only innocent born of woman who could take our place. On that cross though innocent, willingly died a horrible death that we might be saved through him. "Might" because it takes action on our own parts. Christ wasn't inadequate, we are. We have to turn from our sin, our sin natures, and trust in God. Adultery & fornication is just as much a sin as is homosexuality. We will never be totally free of the desires of the flesh until our last dying breath. We must make the conscious choice between appeasing God or the desires of our flesh. We will never be perfect and it would be foolish to try to be. However, there is a huge difference between sinning because we can't help ourselves and willful sinning.
@@fahey6797 Pre-marital sex and fornication aren't the same lol. fornicate actually means to covet (want or desire something that belongs to another/ or wife)...i agree with everything else though ;)
@@drummonkeystuffuk1875 , Webster, Google, and anyone else who's not into self deception would disagree with your skewed interpretation fornication, but I'm not the one you need to convince.
I am an Indian guy and I only hook up with Latinas. We don't understand each other's language and that's a great help because that keeps us from having uninteresting conversations while we can indulge in our personal interests separately. I always tell them that I'm trying to learn Spanish but I never get around to that. 100% recommended.
Well said...many women assume I would be an excellent boyfriend/husband, I immediately tell them they would be extremely disappointed and we would be wasting our time. Then they suggest just being friends, I often say to them... "If we're not intimate, we are permanent ghosted strangers."
"I think we should just be friends" is the most meaningless statement used by women. It's what they say right before they disappear from your life forever. It's what my ex told me when she was breaking up with me - the last time I ever saw her.
@@davidwright1115 I know right, it's like that everytime. It's funny alot of girls I've talked to found me very attractive and lusted after me, more so when I was younger, some would be single, others in open relationships others married but all wanted to fuck me at some point, knowing that I was single and tried to persue something sexual with them they all wanted to be friends. .like wtf, but are fucking other people. What I'm not good enough to even get laid, obviously I was attractive enough, tired of the games, that's why I will never have female friends
my two cents, I've experienced a relationship where we both stood in different mindsets... I'm a critical thinker, she was a simple jolly person with cute hobbies and weekly disciplines. What made it interesting was the effort we both put to dive into each other's worlds. She would pick my brain just to see how I tik and why I think the way I think. She would be curious about what I read, What I watch and why I perceive these in the manner I do. All of that sparked conversations, scenarios that I'd just talk passionately and she'd listen and engage and learn a bit. I did the same... It never and ever will be as in depth as you'd expect it to be, cuz we are wired differently, but when someone is very interested in you, THEY BECOME INTERESTED AND CURIOUS IN THE DIFFERENCES TOO...It's all about attraction and that's about it. If it aint like that then it's just a primary need of not being alone.
IPisCrispy, Don't know about all that. Growing up, my mom had no interest in fishing or being on the water. In her 50's, she started cheating on my father in plain open site and didn't give a S. The guy she liked was into fishing, and all of a sudden, she was into and loved fishing. Now, he lives with her in the home my father paid for and nags the S out of him like she used to do to my father. My father lives in a one bedroom apartment. Oh, and the fishing, she and he quit doing that together a long time ago.
Ah, the mating ritual... postural displays, salmon ladders, and burrows that need digging. I've been divorced twice. In both cases, the girlfriend was the one who kept talking engagement and marriage and in both cases I was the one who filed for divorce. The first one was considerate enough to reveal her true character and lousy conduct very early on, so that one only consumed 2.5 years of my life. The second one gave me the "frog in gradually boiling water" treatment and then went on a complete and sustained rampage after she hit 35. That one went nearly 14 years before I pulled the big lever and blew her out the airlock. In retrospect, the only thing that was more expensive financially, spiritually, and mentally than the divorces was staying married. Following my second divorce, I had a few one-night stands and dated a bit. Shacked up briefly- about 4 months. Seems like I'm always the one who breaks it off because it's always a case of different movie, same plot. So, I find myself pushing into my 50's and after spending some time pursuing my interests and off the roller coaster I decided that there's just no point in getting involved again. Even if a middle-aged woman and I hit it off and can keep our baggage from influencing our perceptions of one another, the context of such a relationship is still lame and devoid of foundation. Just the two of us, sitting out on the patio on a cool morning with coffee after a night of mechanical sex performed on the basis of decades of escapades with others, nothing in common to reminisce about. No shared life experience. No mutual misadventures to laugh about. No kids off in college. No depth. I used to check out profiles on some of the dating sites and most of them seem ridiculous. "I'm 48 years young, recently divorced w/two teenagers (translation: "no idea how I'm gonna pay for their college tuition"), passionate and caring (translation: "within 90 days of shacking up I'll vociferously object to everything you say and do and everything about you will be open for debate"), and I'm ready to start my next adventure! Interests: Dining, dancing, travel/cruises, horses, and Harley-Davidsons." (translation: "Provide me with an amazing life, because the wall is hard.") Oh yeah, at this point in my life that sounds just splendid to me and my wallet.
A lucky re listen. Now at 60yrs old I find myself living with fact that I have no time left to waste. Unicorns do not exist. Happy to have found you huMAN and all who follow you. Cheers guys.
When we are young, the unqualified message is to "socialize". For most, it is also instinctual. As very young children, it's relatively easy to do. But as life goes on, it become more complicated, partly for the reasons you've covered in this video. Yet, most will never QUESTION WHY it is difficult. Most simply continue in the belief that acquiring "relationships" is an end in itself. More is better. Self reflection has always been in short supply, and our "hyper-stimulated" world does nothing to foster introspection. As I've grow older, I've come to believe that most people spend much of their life trying to find ways to avoid themselves. How miserable is the person, who is forced to live with someone they don't know....and don't like.
It is true avoiding themselfs. I read it in a book it takes extraordinary courage to go inside, most call it too painful etc. Or ever learn there is more than the outside world.
@@andreamagyar7776 Inscribed in the Greek Temple of Apollo at Delphi were three maxims; "Know Thyself", "Nothing To Excess", and "Surety Brings Ruin". I'm thinking those old Greek guys might have been on to something. :)
It was never easy for me to socialize as a kid. During 'library' time in early grades most kids were just socializing, I was reading encyclopedias (the ones for kids of course) by myself. I suppose solitude is easy for me, since it has always been the case.
Dude, some of us are waaaaaaayyyyyyy past living with a woman under the same roof! While we were younger, our hormones tried though, they really tried - and credit to them, they almost won several times. But gatdamn am I happy that I survived without getting shackled down. These past weeks I've gone on a continental trip where I've visited old friends along the way - guys for whom I was the best man at their wedding back in the day. The fairytales have worn off, the sparkles have left men's eyes, AND they still have a lifetime to go with that. .... I'm the only one still with a wide open future, able to go wherever and do whatever, whenever. .... All because I don't have to ask a woman for permission on what to do or how to live my free life. I don't have to wait for her to be in moods to agree. .... Can you believe an old friend from 15 years ago cancelled hosting me at the last minute, just cos his wife was _not feeling_ like their home was ready to welcome old friends at the moment? Like, beech you had 2 months' notice to clean up! Everytime I've gone back to test what I may be missing in this relationship thing, I realize why all that boatload of hormones are needed to make men fall for it. .... Cos it's one huge burden, taking care of and providing guidance to an overgrown child; they either breakdown or have panic attacks over every little obstacle that came up in their day that day, and have to make me suffer hearing about it, while expecting ME to come up with the solutions to their life's problems. Oof!
I like uninterrupted, restful sleep. In every relationship where i cohabitated, i never got restful sleep and then my day started with their crazy. No thanks.
Well said by all of you. I feel most alive when I am truest to myself and follow my inspirations. Women have ALWAYS been a hindrance, epsecially after the first glow has weared off.
This video reminds me of an expression I read a few years back that, I'll have to paraphrase - The most difficult person to date is, someone that is older and has been single their whole life. You have to try and convince them, they can't live without you.
Yeah I am that person and factually I know I can live on my own so it would be near impossible to convince me otherwise - unless I needed some organ transplanted and they were a perfect donor match!
I've dated once this year with a beautiful woman and found myself stumbling back down the blue pill road, once she did not meet me with the same interest, the red pill slapped me back upward. it's as if my focus became a tunnel vision for this person who probably just wanted a free meal and I was once again left with an empty wallet in the name of "chivalry"
What helps is post nut clarity, jerk off before you meet up with the girl, so your going in it with the right mindset. And please dude, remember there not going to be beautiful forever, trust me the older you get your just going to get better. You'll wake up one morning next to a woman that looks like a bog witch, or Hillary Clinton, and you've only been with her for 3 years
I feel you ‘Hardening’ is simply having a bias. Making choices. I think it’s only natural as we get older, we get more selective. Nothing more natural than that
Bias has a lot to do with it, I agree. The more I listen to huMAN the more I feel put off towards idea of relationship. My daughter ( 21) said - mom huMAN turned you into a sexist. :) I actually loved how Graham spoke about modern relationship and Prenup without blaming Feminism. Educated millennials are much better than us when it comes to understanding each other’s needs. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-I0tBAxhcisQ.html
I’ve been noticeably happier coming to realize I don’t have to be in a relationship. I’ve suppressed myself and my interest when I try to have a traditional relationship.
I can completely relate. As much as I sometimes think I would like a girlfriend for the occasional cuddle on the couch or the bedroom fun, I really don't think I would want to have her around other than that. I value my alone time too much. I just can't see most women being okay with that kind of a relationship.
I struggled to even find a woman that I could tolerate. But perhaps I'm too much of a curmudgeon. A mate of mine once pointed out that there is in fact the perfect person on the planet for each of us. Given that there is now 8 billion of us; the odds of finding them is 1:8 000 000 000... Good luck with that :/
I am 50 with two teenage and 5 year old children. From the side, I should not be complaining. But at times, I wonder what it is that keeps me with my wife. I am the sole breadwinner. I do all the house chores. Take care of all the household strategic sh*t to make sure the family ship sails without problems. I make compliments to my wife of 20 years and keep up my marital duties towards her. But after all of that, I am still not good. My advances for intimate moments get brushed off at the pretext of being tired or why she needs to respond to my needs. The sharp humor or witty comments receive blank stare. So I can't have a interesting conversation with someone I spend good part of my life. So we retreat into separate corners until she needs something to be bought or fixed at the house. Anyway, it is tough.
@@fiftyfiftylifestyle456 Or, the married woman is having an extra marital affair and her sexual needs are being met. You forgot to mention that, and yes, it is very non PC...still a very real possibility though. Also, what on earth does this woman do all day that the sole 'breadwinner' has to do all the house chores? Sometimes a straight up ultimatum on rectifying patently bad behaviour is more than enough to wake someone out of their stupor of bad behaviour and to start conducting themselves appropriately.
@@fiftyfiftylifestyle456 Right you are! And yes, I, too, would be saying the same thing. When people 'tolerate' everything, frankly, it shows that they have no 'standards'. Patently bad behaviour should always be called out and addressed...this requires someone with 'standards' and the conviction to live by them. Rather rare...
+ M N Tell your wife as you wrote here. Maybe she got too comfortable and needs a wakeup call. And consider the low estrogen / testosterone (women have that too) information.
You don't wonder what keeps you with her; you know exactly why. Fear. Fear of what you'll lose, what happens next, what happens with the kids, the part of her that you remember falling in love with, and probably many other things. Nothing to be ashamed of, but do be honest with yourself. You'll find you're much happier that way, even if you decide to stay.
I’ve been with my wife for 40 years, (20 and17), so we’ve gone through it all together. There is no way I could see myself with someone else and she feels the same. We are a two-headed creature, quite happy, still full of affection, tenderness and seeking new adventures. Trick though is, you’ve got to start early in life and honour the commitment with deeds, each receiving agency from the other.
After a 22 year rather happy marriage and a seven-year exciting but miserable relationship, I am alone for the first time in my life and I am thoroughly enjoying my own company.
For us older people we know this already as we heard from our elders (sometimes) that the older we get, the harder it is to change. The old adage "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is proof of this. It's not about becoming grumpy or cantankerous or even intractable. We simply become more comfortable with who we are,what we think/believe, how we behave and have less care about how others perceive us and whether or not they accept who we are. Younger, we cared what others think even if we said otherwise and denied it. We now no longer need nor want to be a chameleon for others simply to establish an interaction or a relationship with them. I think part of it is wisdom and self-reflection (at least for me) and not willing to accept the games/bs others play or attempt in trying to change who I am. Just my small take on it.
I never forgot what my dad told me, he said son, when you get older in life and sex with your wife just isn't important anymore, you better damn well have something to talk about... So true !
Yes. I am not really boyfriend material. I always tell them that upfront. I like to see her, but I love to see her leave. My friends are my real source of fulfillment. My dirt-biker crew, those guys are the real deal.
Well duh! It's common sense another person won't make you happy, that's your job and your job alone. Granted you cannot fix yourself to be happy 24/7 how on Earth will another person do it for you. The problem lies in people like you having exceeded expectations on others to fix you or cater to your needs when in reality you are projecting what you'd like for yourself. It's no one's responsibility, not even your parents were able to meet all of your needs how do you expect a partner to. Everyone is looking to fill their own void.
When you get older, you look back and realize that any woman who you were in a relationship with had tormented you endlessly. When you were looking to have children, you accepted this reality as the cost to achieve the end goal. Without need for children, what do they bring to the table to offset their constant tormenting?
You hit the nail on the head. I like to talk about ideas, abstract concepts, history, philosophy etc. My ex liked to talk about her family, co-workers, and all the mundane details of her day. For her sake, I listened with patience, understanding, and compassion for 7 months. It was painful--I started to dread that daily phone call. Do you think she reciprocated? Lol, whenever I spoke she either tuned out or interrupted and took control of the conversation so she could make it about her. If she would have been willing to listen to me with even 25% of the attention and engagement I gave her, I probably would still be in the relationship--a truly chilling prospect! Anyways, love your content. This is the thinking man's MGTOW.
she must have been good looking otherwise you wouldn't have tolerated her. there are women who like what you like but most men don't feel attracted to them because they are not 'f eminine' enough
After a traumatic divorce I've considered finding female company but alas I find my solitude much more peaceful and less stressful. Call me misanthropic but I do feel at my age of 56 that people are a waste of energy and females are generally boring.
Great talk huMaN. Cohabitating with a woman is like walking on egg shells, and you're constantly on alert for red flags to pop up. You no longer have your own sanctuary. The women eventually makes it known to you, in very subtle ways it's hers now, even though you had your "sanctuary"prior to meeting her. You don't know from one day to the next how her moods can determine whether you have a good day or bad. No thanks, I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness other than my own. Best arrangements to have, if you do manage to find a companion who meets your criteria is to have seperate living arrangements. The moment you start to cohabitate is the day you start the downhill slide to oblivion. On top of that your legal cost to maintain your sanctuary after a separation can be soul destroying.
This is a very thought-provoking video. I was fortunate enough to find my "other half" -- someone whose interests, values, & way of thinking I share deeply -- when I was quite young. But I never realized just how rare that is.
Approaching 70 I would say baggage. My baggage and the old bags trying to appropriate my bank account. You may think young females are bags full of crazy, but they have nothing on the grandmas who have been practicing the art of mental distress for decades. Old gals are CRAZY, but that's just my opinion.
I'm old too, Bernard....and it's more than just your opinion. I gave up dating a few years ago because I came to the same conclusion. On a positive note, at least millions of cats will find a good home. :)
Yes I see this too Bernard. At 55 they have none of the old magic and all of the same tedious politics and ridiculous TV shows. They think they're 'mature' but 'still young'. I'd sponsor a younger single mom - at a respectable distance - before I'd give one of these creatures the time of day. My kids don't need a step-grandmother and I have no desire to be a step-grandfather. And yeah, I want things my way. I've got a ways to go to rebuild what I lost being married and have zero time for a tedious diversion.
The type that I'm meeting now is the older woman who's 'been there' and knows EVERYTHING! I'm tired of being corrected, made to doubt my own thoughts and basically shamed when I do something.
@@WilliaminOz They're used to being in control of relationships and don't know how NOT to be. They're bewildered when you 'leave it' rather than 'take it'.
I think you've hit the nail on the head. I am 65 ... the divorce was years ago, the kids are grown and live 2,000 miles away. I am infused with intellectual and creative drive, and as a general observation, I find women stultifyingly uninteresting.
I tried every day for over 20 years in my marriage to make my wife happy, an impossible task. To be free of that job now and leave it to the next poor flog feels very good. It took a lot to let go but it’s the best thing that could have happened. I have zero desire to even talk to a female let alone be involved now. Have rediscovered my old frowned upon passions and am getting on with it.
When my missis starts getting too demanding I tell her to STFU. It sounds simple but it works, she knows I won’t be walked over and she shows me respect to which I reciprocate.
Although a cliché, it is, nonetheless, correct that to philosophize means to walk alone. You struck a chord there by saying who would want to live with one who thinks so esoterically. It is to society's shame that thinking men are constantly being pushed to the periphery of society. People, and women mostly, have the urge to make everything simpler and don't get it that there is a world of difference between making things simpler and striving to simplify things. I have often heard women complaining: "You use too many words / Why must you always complicate everything / Stop overthinking, etc." I like to think deeply because by thinking deeply, in a non-linear fashion, I get closer to the marrow of things I think about. It takes a lot of patience but most people lack it these days which is no wonder why some of us are so difficult to be with.
Wallace D. Wattles wrote, "Many people who are not physically lazy, shrink from the tremendous and continued effort required to think consecutively on any subject."
Chasing women is a young person's game. From high school age to mid 20's, you want to have more notches on your bed post than your friends, you have the energy to go out of your way to chase women. But once a guy matures, starts focusing on things like paying off a house, gets older, has to start being more careful about their health, guys slow down, it happens to all of us. Relationships get tougher with age, for many reasons, we have less energy, have less paitence for drama, more guys are being red pilled and putting up with less crap, not wanting to deal with another man's kids. Ah, but we do have time for pump and dump, that is ageless.
Bob Bob well ofcourse. I’m saying that just because we men get older it’s not as drastic as it is for a women who’s 30. In 39 and if I can get myself back into shape I’m sure I’ll be able to hold my own. Now I won’t get a girlfriend because that’s the cards life stacked for me but I can at least live and feel endorphins and shit. Sensations a straight man can feel if he has no girls and that’s when pornhub comes into play.
Do not forget all the dates you paid for and had to listen to so much BS and then still did not get any. Its time consuming and mind draining. When you get older you do not want to play the game.
Every time I consider dating again, within 5 minutes of thinking about it I already want space. I enjoy my time, my schedule, my routine, my space. I enjoy making decisions based on only my needs and wants. It’s only the people in relationships that inquire about when I’m going to pair up again but then I watch how they have to constantly sacrifice for their partner. There’s nothing wrong with sacrificing for others but it’s not a better situation, it’s simply one way to be. I love being alone because I never get lonely. When I’m feeling like being with people I go visit people.
@@GUITARTIME2024 the point of the op was that neuroplasticity DOESN'T cease at a certain age like our man hughMAN stated in this vid. Which it seems like you disagree with. Yr 2nd sentence is one which I don't think anyone would disagree with. Therefore you give the impression of self contradiction
@@midnight816 point taken but as a middle aged guy who has interacted with aging parents, repetitionof new info becomes crucial. Attention slips away easier and shorter term memory slows.
I am 59 years old and very content being single. This man described my feelings better than I could. Every male over the age of 25 should watch this video. It would be the dose of reality they desperately need.
I'm close to hitting 59 and have been single for going on 20+ years. I have yet to find a woman that I could be with and still be able to have the peace of mind and stability I am currently enjoying. The lifestyles that women and men have taken are destructive to finding someone you can truly be happy with until your dying day. The search for that one perfect woman is right up there with finding the holy grail or the fountain of youth.
"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." -AN. Generally the first quote that comes to mind when I'm a few minutes into a video like this. The problem shouldn't be that we harden to an immovable standard where relationships become impossible. The problem is that people are unwilling to make sacrifices, or unwilling to accept that, perhaps, the overly-flexible and adaptable partners are already engaged in relationships. Perhaps, making sacrifices is the only obvious answer. If you're disinterested in that, then I have no idea what sort of person you are hoping to meet.
Interesting take and thanks for your work as always. After being married and trying to "keep the peace", I really have no interest in walking the forever changing line of what's acceptable to her. I have always laughed at the happy wife, happy life guys. Why would you stay with someone who practices this kind of coercion? This is your happiness and she thinks so little of you she is willing to hold it hostage. Truth is it is just easier to live without having to edit or hide parts of yourself. No one, man or woman should have to live that way.
@@geodude7116 totally agree mate. I mean to put his energy into acquiring such opulence, don't mean to have been single in way he describes necessarily. If he'd put a bit more energy into creative and life enhancing things then I'd understand more lol.
Honestly, I think I watched most of this stunned, with my mouth hanging half-open. It was just so on- point, mid-life in a nutshell. At 41 years old, just recently divorced, I then, unbelievably ended up with the hottest looking girlfriend I've ever had for about nine months. And I recently let her go. All of the hot sweaty and stuff within the relationship that someone half my age would have been totally thrilled or excited by wasn't enough for me to want that relationship anymore. No 'substance.' No deeply intellectual conversations or common interests. If theirs no genuine friendship, or shared life gratitude/ appreciation it's not a relationship worth keeping. I am supremely grateful however that I had this relationship because it 'weaned' me off the idea of getting married again. It is a supremely off-putting trait to talk about the things that matter most to oneself and your companion looks bored. Learn to love your own company. I try to every day.
My God, it is like every word this man speaks is like nuggets of gold. I had to rewatch this. He expressed thinks I thought of but could not put in words.
