Dealing with Unrequited Feelings | Dr. K Interviews 

Absolutely, I am grateful for that too

You don’t know how someone who trained for years to do something can do that thing? Kinda weird mate

How do you know she doesn't feel the same way? Uh because we would be dating lol gotcha doc

@@SnailHatan Bro? Do you know how many therapists go through training only to be useless?

100%

I can’t relate to his situation but this feeling… it might be the thing that pushes me over my point of hesitancy

That‘s kinda his „thing“ - he wants you to explain your believes, so you hear yourself say it.

@@leopoldfreiherrvonbernewit4747 I don't think it is to make sure the person hears themselves - I think it's so Dr. K isn't making assumptions about the other person. To accurately reflect thoughts back at a person he has to get the best data he can and that doesn't begin by assuming they have a common definition/reasoning of things.

Hitler: "ah man, i did some bad stuff" Dr. K: "I don´t think there is good or bad, who said it was bad?"

@@spriddlez i think you both got it right. Kills two birds with 1 stone

@@enmemoriamedia4957 godwins law in 3 replies

so fucking true

Right? I can be so curious and all, but I can only wach one of those videos every few days at a time, because it's so emotionally intense.

"we are all" as a statement doesnt work, since we are not all the same, which is a basic principle of aryurveda. also, the people who come to Dr.K`s stream ALL have problems, so there is a selection bias. furthermore, there is the meditative state of mind, that is neither insecure, vulnerable or wanting of love. do you listen to dr. K at all?

@@raze956 So, listening to Dr. K you came to the conclusion that not all people are deserving of compassion and understanding?

@@julyol119 i think he needs to get on stream with Dr. K

I hope you're doing better since you made this comment, I'm rooting for you :)

P

How are you doing now?

@@berni2905 well the last girl i had intense feelings for was the same girl that had unrequited feelings for me before i made this comment 2 years ago. since then i haven't really been able to find that same kind of love towards another girl. but i did get better at flirting and talking to girls. i'm still hopeful that i'll be able to find myself in that ideal relationship i dream of but for now, i'm focusing on improving in a lot of aspects. i guess experiencing unrequited love can also provide a valuable lesson on self-love

Oh yes, this was perfect!

1 year ago btw

That's some matrix right there

Thought this immediately too! Glad someone else noticed it

God brother ❤✝️🫶

what when it already is

well sign me the fuck up

Genuinely I’d rather be empty than feel bad

I know! He's cute!

Lissie definitely

baldur exactly what I was thinking !!!

Yup. This is why social intervention and conditioning is so important. But in an overpopulated fragmented competitive society where everyones so busy and keeps to themselves, fewer people have time (or wants to take the time) to help someone at that level. I doubt this guy had a "dating mentor" in his immediate family. Also public sex Ed is really lacking...

i find that this is the case for most people in these incel/blackpill circles. you'd be amazed and greatly saddened by the amount of average - slightly below average looking men think that they are completely disgusting and unlovable

Are you an insecure pie baker?

@@minecraftfan2087 lol nice

Dou you think about black man dick a lot ?

Sat Ori I just got rejected by a girl I was really crushing on, this video came out within a couple of hours of that.

@@realm4677 hang in there brother. Love yourself before you try loving someone else

That‘s how you know he‘s not *really* so shallow to just want „hot chicks“, he wants way more, but lacks even the emotional vocabulary to form cohesive thoughts about that.

SO WHOLESOME

My emotionsssss

@You Wouldn't Get It always been

You're right overall, but I agree with them that he really shouldn't have been reading at chat, if that's why he was looking to the side and laughing every 5 seconds.

I'm just guessing, but I have a hunch it's not because of different audiences, it's because how youtube and twitch handle comments that they encourage different behaviors in people. I think it's how in twitch your message is on twitch for a few seconds before it is buried by a barrage of newer messages, so you compete for attention with the other messages. If you leave a nice message it will probably be ignored, whereas if you bandwagon and are an overall duck you might get something out of it. It's also the lack of accountability that comes with having your name and your comment disappear after a few seconds. I personally never understood chatting on twitch channels with big audiences. And on youtube your message is there forever, for anyone who watches the video and scrolls down into the comments, with your account name on it. it's not going anywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who were awful in twitch chat, are being nice here now.

@@imantonic5826 Very well thought out reply!

Because the more stupid you are the more you spam.so twitch chat looks like a bunch of idiots,when there are many normal people too

1:21:30 timestamp

Where it was?

@@factorial1059 1:17:00 about here maybe a little after

@@artisticezekiel4590 thanks :)

@@cekaofficial nothing, but some people use that as an excuse and don’t even try.

​@@cekaofficialI am unsure about my opinion, but I think a lot of people miss their existing good by always desiring an improvement. Sometimes the small good that we thought was insignificant could be an entire cure for the other person. Improvement is for our own sake, and it should not be taken as a measure of qualification to others. Yes, all these are rational thoughts, not quite true to our emotion, but that again seems to be due to our habit of feeling that we always lack something.

❤❤❤ I'm glad you know that that isn't true. You're valuable no matter what and i wish you peace, love and joy.

I deal with this and it its not fun.

That's what I'm noticing, too. I never realized the importance of asking questions with the purpose of understanding how that person sees the world. Having watched a handful of his interviews, I've learned a lot about talking with and listening to people. It's already positively impacted my life.

Especially the versatility of the analogy. Like, some people just don't fuckin' like pies, while other people love them even if they're burnt to shit and sickly sweet! You gotta find out by offering the pie to someone.

Timestamp is around 1:10:33 for anyone who's interested

@@duskmare0000 Exactly! =D

Positivity precedes perfection. That's what I took away from it. If you think your pie isn't perfect but you're positive they'll like it if they tried it then you should always let them try it.

Ngl I went and bought a pie.

its a lie though. he found his now wife (gorgeous btw, shes been on stream with him) 3rd year of college so at like 20 years old? and been with her ever since. So Dr. K has NO IDEA the struggle of being a man in todays dating world.

@Jonathan yup! its completely fucked. ::sigh::

@Jonathan maybe a little bit but men too ^^ if you say women act more like men nowadays. So I'm a woman and I'm obviously biased but I'm more 23 and maybe can share some experiences I've made also talking to a lot of guy friends I have. So most of the guys I know always think they are late in the whole getting the a girlfriend aspect. (I'm also studying chemistry so maybe that brings a little bit context to it) but even guys who had their first girlfriend at 17 think they were late. So what I think often happens men sometimes show infront of other men that they can get soooo many girls even though not all of them do. So that's one aspect that I think plays into this. Another one is that guys just tend to be sexualky active at an higher age than girls. I Mena for women it's a lot easier to get sex that's right but trust me just a little portion of people can handle sex without emotions that well. Even many guys tend to have problems with that and prefer a relationship. That's also with women. I mean also Dr. K isn't that old. Birth control was already invented when he started dating and I have friends in their 30s e.g. struggling with the same problems finding a girlfriend. It just is not that easy to find someone who is attracted to you and to whom you are also attracted and with whom a relationship works. I'm now dating an attractive guy and I really love him but prior to him I had one ok looking boyfriend and one boyfriend who was generally speaking not attractive at all. I got a lot of shit for this and everyone told me why I was with him and the funny thing is he fucked me over and cheated on me. But that's just how it is and people do bad things regardless of their appearance. Also another anecdote. A friend of mine was quite awkward around girls and always wanted a girlfriend. At some point I think he really liked me but I wasn't attracted to him. Like one thing was that he was younger but another one was that I just wasn't in the right place at that time and had to deal with a lot of suppressed feelings. So I chose someone much older and uglier XD maybe a bad decision from my part but it's also not fair to get with someone just because they would treat you great. Because I think that is using someone. So fast forward he has a really good looking and nice girlfriend now (I think they met when he was 22) and it seems like he is really happy. Also she is a better match for him and they do a lot of stuff and are also both really intelligent :) so it worked out for him not being with me and I'm happy it did. In the same way it worked out for me to get with my current boyfriend (maybe not the stuff with my ex).... I just wanted to say that I also struggled to find someone who wanted a committed relationship with me but I think it is just generally not so easy. Otherwise being a hippie and just loving everyone would work for everyone. I hope you could find some ssnse in what I wrote. I think the essence is: I understand you are struggling but you are not alone. And also there are actually a lot of people who want committed relationships but not everyone wants it with you. (same way it happened to me a lot of times) but that's OK. Just keep trying and treat people nicely and it will work out some day :) the guy friend who got a girlfriend after a lot of failed tries has also found a great partner and he was nice and kind all along :)

@Jonathan im happy for you that you don't feel pressure anymore. My current boyfriend actually had a similar mindset. He thinks that if someone comes along with whom it's possible it won't be a problem. But it is still necessary to take some steps towards each other 😅

@Jonathan I like that mindset

Yeah, i think most guys just want a genuine relationship and a emotional connection.

Yea I broke down in tears when this happend. It was just too perfect

@@derNachbar97 I don't really know about that

@@dreamychaos5935 he ain’t wrong

​@@dreamychaos5935And who says so?

Culture bombs xD

Cunt is common vernacular in Australian English

I assume he's from Australia where 'c bombs' are used a lot as a slang word. The negative connotation depends on context and delivery.

@@fruit5984 This. In the right context, it's literally just a substitute for "guy" or "person". It requires reading the situation a bit though, it varies a lot depending on where you go and who you're talking to.

@@ChristAcolyte , have tried to get "The C Word" going here in the UK. There's no gratitude! :-) They also staunchly resist the jovial "Go yourself" vernacular that Bill Burr and the like popularise stateside. I guess it's some sort of force field that emanates for a few hundred miles around the Queen

god dammit dude I hate that it always falls on us to make the moves

@@hangukhiphop yep. i didnt make it clear clear but shes my ex now and ever since then i made sure to make a move/ask a girl out on the first interaction i have with her. it's useless to build up a friendship over time and hope it turns romantic. thats not to say we shouldnt be friends with girls or ditch girls that are cool but werent interested in us. girl-friends are the best wingmen

Ridiculous lol

@@hangukhiphop its not "making moves" its also like, make it fucking clear how you feel to someone by communicating to them. Guys will act like they have a crush on you and don't even realize how obvious they are being, but then never actually try to communicate at all with the person in question.

@@KD-ou2np that sucks even more lol like what point are you trying to make 😭

ikr

@@grosslyincandescentsnowfla6924 ikr

@@Oversiver ikr

vod arr yu orl talkeeng abaut? mpg

Yeah

It's partially believing that women choose men the same way men choose women. Being narrow minded and believing other people see things the same as you is one way people end up in red pill and whatever the term for sexist feminists are (there was a specific, named subculture for it but I forgot).

there's a Chad outside him, he's hot as fuck. it's like that movie She's Out of My League where the guy is supposed to be a 5 but he's one of the cutest guys I've ever seen

38:40

@@soakupthenoise ikr? a lot of guys that come here are unironically cute/hot

Sounds like a good night to me... Wait..

why use the fucking stupidest word ever incel, when they are just virgins. Ita always been called being a virgin. Talk about trying to reivente the wheel

@@frans7995 because not all virgins are incels, even though all incels are virgins

@@BringBackOGClubPenguin Couldn't have put it better myself.

There's no such thing as a "fake" incel. You're either an involuntarily celibate person or not. The rest is just your bias against them.

@@BringBackOGClubPenguin Most are virgins but some incels arrive there later in life or have gone to get “professional help”. On some level they can’t get laid.

@Justin Lukas You can say that phrased differently. He gives examples in the video. You deciding for them that they don't like you is exactly that. You don't know until you ask. Have confidence.

Watching this I was like "Girl!!! You gotta tell her!!!" him talking about her talking about other men and all that kinda stuff, I did that petty shit when I was younger ALL THE TIME! Also, if you tell her, she might not have even thought that was an option until you tell her and she may look at you differently from then on! Your chances go up SOOOOO much if you just tell someone you like them.

That's bullshit

Yes but it’s a two-way street. Women need to be just as courageous as men in expressing their feelings. Lots of women hide their feelings behind passivity or the expectation that it’s a man’s job to initiate everything. It needs to be a mutual exchange. For young teenagers there are real social consequences for being emotionally available. Teens often stigmatize those who get rejected too.

@@jamesgentry13 could you elaborate a little more?

Bruh moment :(

yeah real *Bruh Moment*

feelsbadman

@morgan yu I think he was talking about the fact that Hayden mentioned that the guy was black instead of just saying the guy was attractive. It had a racist undertone, but whatev

@@CrazyJay-nb3wg The undertone wasn't racist, it was clearly jealous. He literally said a few minutes later that he wishes he were black.

I had the exact same thoughts! Incels really self sabotage, I bet most of them would have partners if they never found those forums. All the ones I’ve seen are average or slightly above

@@cf8415 people dont realise this until they learn on their mistake...

Lol me too, beat for beat same as you!

@@cf8415 I agree! A lot of them would need a little help in the confidence department though (at least I think that), even if they wouldn't know those forums. But the forums make it so much worse....

@@cayleece7890 Yeah right? Happy some of you agree with me :)

From the way he described her she is definitely not interested. I think it's safe to assume that this girl thinks he's not in her class

@@assassinssubject17 You sound just as bad as him lol

@@alonewithyu ok?

From his description I would say he's right her super hot self wants to stay in the friend zone I find it shocking lol

L O R E

for real hes actually really attractive

@@yepyeah7494 ^

He might look cute (he does to me too) but you never know what's going on in someone's head: why is that they feel so worthless? I definitely think mild autism comes into play with incels. It's harder to develop social skills and it creates this apparent barrier to women and to having friends in general, so you turn online. And I think it's too painful for these men to acknowledge their deepest insecurities and traumas, so they scapegoat women, because they want to absolve themselves any responsibility for dealing with and coping with their pain. Just watching the first few minutes, he has absolutely no confidence in his viewpoints and Dr. K asking him to explain his views leaves him visibly uncomfortable. Ffs he has imposter syndrome about not being "the biggest incel"

@@GalaxyGal- Nah it's not autism. It's a cycle growing up where a few aukward interactions when your young, builds this self perception that is negative. If your environment doesn't give you positive reinforcement, you pickup only on the negative reinforcement.. ie being shy which is reinforced by people being aukward around you, reinforcing being shy and negative

because women are extremely difficult to please on a mental level, are exhausting to interact with and just want to play games since they know if they communicate directly you will stop talking to them. instead, they just like to leave things up to interpretation, even after engaging in explicit acts. you're not allowed to be irritated with them. you're not allowed to experience disappointment in someone that is not yourself. you're not even allowed to want what all men want - the biggest sign a female does not like or respect you, there are only rules for men that they do not like. And when you're a man, everything is always your fault. the reason why most incels are incels is not because of their social skills etc. it's because they have high standards and/or don't take care of themselves. they know what they want, but they have two eyes just like everyone else and can see what they want is not what most people want. they know they are not going to receive the type of love that they want from women. ever. women all the time saying they want something serious but can't commit to a first date and think a guy who knows he wants to be married and is looking for a wife is a freak. They think a man they look down on is asking for too much in a relationship, but think a better man is going to ask for less, if not more lmao. Then on top of all of this, if you can take no for an answer, handle rejection and say goodbye... NOW YOU JUST WANTED TO GET IN HER PANTS. YOU CAN'T JUST NOT HAVE TIME FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU. YOU HAVE TO BE THE WORLDS MOST TERRIBLE PERSON FOR PREFERRING SOLITUDE TO THEIR COMPANY. Most women are annoying AF to deal with, if we wanted a headache it'd be a lot easier and faster for us to just slam our heads into a counter 7 times and take a couple shots.

he said camly.

yea it's not a job for emotionally unstable people

Iknr its such a hard job

dr k just going "what the f/ck i asked you a question" as i read your comment. ah yes, the patience of a saint lmao

@@lavishlyvice LOL to be fair it was a very loving what the f

I'm learning this exact thing from Dr K

hi hough white. i am a god!

How so?

So around middle school I didn't have really much problems talking to people and I actually like the person and we had a good we had a good relationship and everything was going fine she had to eventually go to another school and I started meeting like other people and started branching. So I started talking to this other girl a for like a month and so i got to the point that I really like this girl and I wanted to date her i brought her to a really nice place and ask her if she wanted to date and she pretty much said that she didn't want to date. 3 days later she started dating another person and stopped talking to me. From there on I pretty much got hurt and without knowing I was pretty much brought my self down to the point that I could talk to girls and I just didn't understand why I couldn't date them so I pretty much gave up. but when I saw this video I understood that the reason I couldn't date anyone was because I was so scared to get hurt again that I didn't give a changes to any girls that tried to talk to me . Sorry if this is long

@@gmjesus2876 It was a good read, glad to know that something clarified for you! Hope you do well

It opened up the world for me too. But that was 2 years ago and I don’t know any other girls to try. I’m such a loser lol

It’s never worked for me but I’ve understood myself more from it. I have more success when I don’t tell my feelings, everytime I tell my partner how much she means to me, they lose interest. It’s so bizarre,

@@lordflako5324 I'm sorry to hear that, i really hope you find the one who'll respond to your feelings with mutual sincerity.

You mean because they reciprocated the feelings lol

which btw I could not resist to make one..so its on my channel :P

@@twitchexpedition8239 It's a great video had a good laugh! I'm currently watching this one at 27:41 and went for the comment section just because of what you pointed out lol

@@ezequielsonego811 Thanks!:)

@@ezequielsonego811 literally just happened as I looked at the comments xD

A lot of times there's a reason for this. In certain environments, work especially, I tend to treat everyone as though they're an NPC or a robot. I'm here for business, not small talk - and it ensures that there's a sort of bulwark against any messy entanglements that some people find themselves in.

He wants an above average looking girl and won't settle for less he needs to get over himself

agreed. but, unfortunately not many people do and I think that's partially because of the way society tells them to get help. I'm referring to people who just say "get therapy" in a sort of condescending way. Like they want you to get help not because they care, but because you're an inconvenience to them.

That's why you need to be happy on your own before you get into a relationship. That way you understand that you don't need anybody to feel complete. And being in a relationship is something that can improve your life but is not necessary for you to be happy.

@@MJ-xh8co Thanks for the reply, and this is something that I understand intuitively, due to being in a good spot in my life before. It doesn't help when I sometimes still have nightmares about my first relationship, though. Sometimes even the smallest of details about it still pop up in my head randomly, and crush me. If I could afford therapy, I'd definitely do it. I don't think I'll have much luck with relationships until I get rid of this baggage, or find out if I have something like OCD and treat it.

I'm the same. I got my heart broken from being ghosted by girls and we were only FRIENDS, let alone a relationship! I can't keep getting emotionally r*ped by women over and over so it makes me not even want to really talk to women anymore at all because I really need more stability in my life. I'm not even sure I want a relationship anymore because when she inevitably breaks up with me, I just know the toll the emotional devastation would take on me and how long it would take for me to recover. Women can break up with a guy and have plenty of other guys to fall back on, whereas if a guy gets broken up with, it can sometimes be YEARS before he finds another woman interested in him and he'll likely still be obsessed/in love with the girl who left him for a long while.

@@MJ-xh8co You're right, but generally people feel a lot happier in life when they have a romantic partner. Good looking people don't need to be "happy on their own" (whatever that really means) to find a partner, because their looks attract the partner(s). It's the same with friends. Sure, you can get by having no friends, but generally life is a lot more enjoyable if you do have them.

DUDE, it's like I wrote this MYSELF. Literally only the numbers are a bit different but close.

Hey Hayden, I was like you when I was 21. Now I'm 27 and my problem of being alone and sexless is the exact same except worse. Some of us are just not able to get with girls and the sooner we learn to accept this hard truth, the sooner we can move on and enjoy the many other parts of life

@@heythere9371 I've seen the nastiest, grodiest dudes with attractive women. Unless you're literally Quasimodo, I doubt you are actually "not able" to get girls.

@@heythere9371 the key is being fun to them, they can absolutely fall in love with ugly guys, they wont seek them though hayden here is actually attractive and could get the girl, all he had to do was to tell her he liked her on the first impression in a pretty chill, non threatening way. "hey i think you are cute" would work, establishes your intentions. then give her space. waiting until a girl is friends with you to make a move is a huge no no. tinder profiles that are more successfull often have guys with proper posture with pics that look like the girl will have fun in the date (not money, but fun), beach, party, tropical journeys, waterfalls, biking, stuff like that

I think it's situational. If you genuinely love your friend and have been dealing with feelings over a long period of time, it can be helpful to talk it out with them and get them to understand how you've felt over the last (e.g) months.

Yeah and then they lead you on for 2 months and drop you like it's nothing as soon as you are committed, refusing to talk to you ever again. Cynical? I know.. but damn did it hurt.

“If she isn’t really sure (…)” Hmmm nah bro. If they aren’t really sure, it’s best to assume they’re just not that into you, otherwise you’re just setting yourself up to be hurt. An “I’m not sure” is usually an optimistic no. If a person you found gorgeous and attractive confessed their love to you, would you even for a second hesitate to say yes, or would you say “hmm I’m not sure”?

tbh, wish I saw this way back. I did the "I have feelings for you, but I don't want to talk about it I just want our relationship to remain the same (until I'm ready to talk about it)." Well, they ended up getting a partner that wasn't me, and it devastated me emotionally. There was a lot going on with me at the time, so I said and did some cringe things, but we've at least reached the forgiveness point. It was a messy situation that I put myself into, and your comment helped frame that for me a little better. I'm going to try and get a therapist soon to unpack all these murky feelings. I'm also working on rebuilding that friendship I held so dearly to my heart now. Lessons learned, and emotional maturity gained soon. :)

@@witswg I think if she says, that she is not really sure, you should just try and go for it. Ask her out for a date and if it goes well, go for a kiss at the end. Then you will know if it really was just an optimistic no or maybe yes. And my advice does not include "confessing love".

it shouldn't be. most self-described "incels" are pretty normal looking, or at worst have a couple face irregularities or are overweight or something. it's their mindset and behaviour that makes them an incel 99% of the time.

@Bob Scrotum ;-;

@Bob Scrotum ;-;

@@SikGamer70 Hi, how did you get this data and can you share it?

@@SikGamer70 What about someone like me who has high self esteem but is a virgin with no friends at age 23