Why Restricting Video Games As A Parent Is Actually Damaging 

"My son is depressed so we isolated him from his friends and it got worse. How do we exorcise this demon?"

"Being strict with your child doesn't stop unwanted behavior. It just makes them better at hiding it."

I was a video game addict as a kid. When people would object and ask my mother why she allowed it, she replied "Better being addicted at home to the games than out and about getting addicted to booze and drugs." Pretty much everyone in my family had a booze and/or drug problem, so she felt pretty fortunate it was games in my case, which is kind of sad, but makes sense. I did get over the addiction eventually when it became impossible to be a completionist in games due to how game monetization shifted.

As a child video games were demonized by my parents and eventually completely banned from the household. Even the knowledge that I had played with a friend's gameboy at school would come with swift consequences. Every time I got any video game time, it was like having a manic episode. Nothing in life made me feel more excited. My relationship with friends was strained because they accused me of hanging out only so I could play with their video games. When I finally got to college, I found my self for the first time actually having unrestrained video game access in my own bedroom (via my roommate). It was a complete and unmitigated disaster; I had never learned any sense of self-control or even gone through any kind of processing or therapy on why I was addicted in the first place. I eventually learned how to be moderate on my own, but the college years were not the ideal time to pick up those skills. I still have trust and shame issues associated with my parents, and our communication remains poor as a result.

"My kid is suddenly living in isolation, showing lack of motivation and has unexpected mood swings. Also, I just divorced his mother and COVID just hit. How do I fix his problem with video games?"

That awkward moment when this kid is suddenly 25 and doesn't understand why he always has a bit of anxiety while gaming and realizes that he had just grown accustomed to always being at the risk of getting caught.

As someone who’s entire body **BROKE DOWN TO POINT I WAS IN HOSPITAL** in sophomore year of high school but they couldn’t find anything “medically wrong”, that line hit SO HARD. The nothing “medically wrong” especially. It turns out, all of that was from my horrible horrible anxiety that my parents didn’t treat seriously. Sure enough, when we transfered out of that high school I got SO much better. My body is still feeling the effects from that time period, and I’m 22. Take! Mental! Health! Seriously!!!

My video game limit was a half hour every day. When i was young and only played Minecraft, this was fine with me. When i started playing more games and wanted more time to play, i asked my parents and they talked about it with me and increased my time limit. Im happy with my time limit now, and i know that i can always talk to my parents and they will be understanding. Thanks mum and dad for being supportive (:

The worst nagging that my parents did: I would sit down at the piano and play/practice for 10-15 minutes. Then I get up to do something else and immediately hear "that wasn't 30 minutes, we agreed that you would practice for 30 minutes every day!" So guess what, instead of practicing 30 minutes each day, I practiced 0 minutes every day.

Honestly, I feel like the worst part of this was when the dad *explicitly states* that their son has always loved gaming, but still somehow decides that gaming is the cause of these *new* problems that have come up. If he's been playing games for years and the problems haven't arisen until now, then it's pretty fucking obvious that gaming *didn't* cause those issues.

Was super depressed and then in the bathroom before school I felt this increasingly amount of pain in the center of my chest. Had to lay down. Then I started to salivate a whole bunch and mouth tasted like salt. Went to urgent care, nothing medically wrong. Psycho somatic isn’t a word for a lie a kid tells, it’s a very literal feeling that the body has

"Even if the parents wins the parent loses" is a great quote. The kid will always win because the kid can't be expected to be rational or to be the mature adult because they are a child. They aren't going to be rational or care about consequences, they are going to do whatever they can to just cope and get through the day by whatever means necessary. If that means setting a fire or hurting themselves, they will do it, because you made them feel like they have to do something that drastic for you to listen to them or for you to notice that they are hurting.

if a child's first concern when they screw up or fail to meet expectations is "my parents are gonna kill me" or "i can't tell my parents about this", you have failed as a parent

I was told all through my teenage years that "you're addicted to video games" and "you couldn't even go a week without screens". I was gaslighted so much about my alleged "addictions", that I felt the need to "test" them. I went a full week without games, told my friends I couldn't play, and found other stuff to do, but was very bored. After an entire week, I hop on games for less than 30 minutes, then my mom comes into my room and says "why are you always on these games?? You're so addicted". My brother knew about this, and just looked at me blankly when she said this. It's not that my mom doesn't care, it's that she misinterprets the issues, and thinks a hobby is going to cause all the other issues (which I didn't really have, regardless).

I think it's possible that the bad sleep schedule may be caused in part by the antagonistic relationship between the child and the dad. I used to stay up late because that's when my parents weren't awake and I felt like I had more breathing room. (Also relate so much to the example about martial arts-I love my martial arts practice but when my mom tries to force me to go it feels like I'm losing control and I end up pushing back harder)

For some parents it's about power, winning or just being right. Some magically expect their kids to just "act like adults" - like they should just know this automatically some how. The ignorance I've seen is astounding.

My parents in a nutshell: "Why are you always hiding in your room and never come talk to us?" Also them whenever they talk at me: *Judge me, critsize me, guilt shame me, make me feel like crap just because I dont behave according to their expectations*

Dude, your kid isn't a game addict, he's DEPRESSED, and your solution is to take away his comfort/coping mechanisms instead of deal with the fact that he's depressed. I wouldn't wanna do therapy either with someone who refused to talk to ME about my behavior and just took the word of my dad and tried to force me to admit that my coping mechanisms are the problem. This really hits home with me because I was severely depressed through childhood, and my dad also tried to blame it on "videogames", and to this day he blames all my health problems and migraines and other stress-related problems on how much sleep him IMAGINES i get or how much games he IMAGINES i play. He never cared to ask what was wrong, and even when I said I was depressed, he straight up told me i WASN'T, and told me I was lying to get out of chores. The only therapy my family EVER suggested was "anger management".

honestly the story at the start hit me hard. i was exactly that kid... but it wasn't because i was "lazy" or "addicted to videogames". i had undiagnosed autism and severe adhd on top of anxiety and ptsd. i literally *physically* could not make myself fall asleep at night thanks to the adhd and anxiety, and even when i slept, i got woken up by horrific nightmares because of the ptsd. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork because of the adhd. anxiety and autism made being in a school environment incredibly stressful - i was a lonely and isolated kid. videogames were an escape and actually provided me with the stimulation i needed to focus, and helped me make friends. i am now in a much better place - medication, therapy, all that good stuff. but my mom's response was punishment, not getting me help/understanding.

this hurts me. it's awful when parents do the same their parents did to them. they seem to forget what it's like being a child

He probably doesn't want to tell the dad about his problems because when he does he's chastised about the main thing he's passionate about

“The son has a headache that never went away” The headache is the father, obviously

From my memories of being a teenager and my dealings with teenagers as a young adult, I have two significant philosophies regarding teenagers. 1) Teenagers are almost adults and should be treated as such. They deserve respect, they are capable of reasoning, and they feel like they're pretty smart. 2) A teen who wants their independence will get their independence,. The question is whether they do it with your help, in open defiance, or behind your back.

This entire video hits so close I used to be the exact same child you kept talking about in this video, my parents would always nag me every hour of the day about studying to the point I have gotten sick of it and going into the mindset where I was thinking "They don't care about me, all they want of me is to study even if I was on my death bed", which resulted in me trying to push my parents as away as possible, I didn't care if I needed their help because if I asked for help I would just admit defeat, and whenever they'd try to restrict something, I would just have another thing/console to do what would get me away from studying And they always acted so confused towards me whenever I tell them that I feel suffocated, but they would always antagonize me of being too "sensitive" or "Not being a man" which would make me get away from them more and try to get them out of my life, even if it meant ending it Right now I am better, but those times are a nightmare, and I would GLADLY, not do the same thing to my kids, I don't want them to go through all of that

Many parents nowadays prioritize grades over health, and I don’t need to be the one to say that it doesn’t work like that.

Its sad that "build an allience with your kid" actually needs to be said. How is it not normal. How are parents so stupid.

The thing about the nagging, too, is sometime you're just tired and need a bit of a break to collect yourself. Bugging someone every few minutes about something they already know they need to do can in some cases be like waking someone up every few minutes, all night long, and then calling them lazy when they're too tired to get out of bed. It can actually unintentionally sabotage someone.

As someone with narcissistic and strict parents this is too relatable it's painful to watch. Sadly there are plenty of similar parents out there and surely more ruined children. Jesus I'm 30+ now my dad is still not approval of me playing videogames.

I remember in 8th grade, I corrected my health teacher about what the function of the appendix was, because he said it was "completely useless" (anatomy and physiology has always been a special interest of mine) and he told me "if you think you can teach this lesson better than me, get up here and teach the class" so I called him on it and started drawing diagrams of an appendix and intestines on the board. He got really angry about that and started sabotaging my tests, erasing answers I put down and saying that I didn't answer the questions at all. My grade eventually dropped to a D+, and my parents grounded me for the entire rest of the year (9 months total) by not letting me talk on the phone, play games, use the internet or visit my best friend because of that. She was pretty much my only friend and I'm still extremely bitter about the entire ordeal. I remember them saying "only an idiot would fail HEALTH class, how could you manage that?" and that's always stuck with me. I tried to tell them he was treating me unfairly, but since my mom is a teacher she decided that teachers were incapable of doing bad things to their students and dismissed it as me lying or making excuses. I still don't like spending time around her.

To be honest, this sounds like me when I was in Grade 9. Except my parents gave me 100% freedom and never took anything away. My 'bare minimum' at school was still the honor roll, but I didn't do homework or study at all. I slept horrible hours, didn't have a social life that I liked, played halo 3 / reach until 2am, went to school late almost everyday, was sick a lot, and had anorexia/bulimia (6'3, 127 lbs). I don't know if there's anything my parents could've done, because I wasn't even quite sure what the problem was at the time. But as it turns out, I just hated my social life and how my body looked. As soon as the summer came around, my dad had a stroke that left him fully paralyzed, and that kind of 'jolted' me to wake up and not waste my life... try new things, change, improve, learn, because you never know when that can all be taken away. I started eating more, working out for the first time, played games with friends, and by grade 10 I had put on about 30 pounds and was in great shape. I was way more confident and started playing games less. I never put in effort into school even afterwards, but life was much better. And the moral of this, is that the video games were not the problem for me. They were a symptom.

The very first thing that jumped out at me was the divorce, and parents couldn't agree on a consistent approach.

it’s almost like taking away one of the last forms of socialization during a pandemic from a kid who’s already very clearly depressed is a horrible idea I would know. During the pandemic, when I was 16, my motivation disappeared, my grades dropped to almost straight F’s for two years, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep every day and play video games. It’s a miracle I passed HS. I’m in college now, pursuing music, thanks in part to my parents getting me help; though very late it’s better than never I guess. Strict parenting only leads to kids getting crafty in terms of hiding their rebellious nature very well.

I remember my parents enforcing a “screen time” as a kid I just snuck time and found ways around it, this led to me being very secretive with my parents and didn’t help me stay off screens at all.

As a teenager I am both appreciating how well my parents handled issues like this, and also mentally bookmarking this video for when I get a family.

My dad was so strict when I was 15-16 to the point if I had one missing assignment everything I own (gaming consoles, Legos, even books) was taken from my room and put in a toolbox with a padlock. He would even pick the worst foods from the fridge and leave it out for me to eat while he was at work. He put a chain around the fridge and locked that as well. If I still didn't "behave", he would punch me in the gut and then kick me in the head. Attempting to call child protective services or 911 only added to my beatings. I am 17 now and I live with my grandparents. I am grateful that I have such caring grandparents. Because of him, I now suffer from PTSD. I go to therapy every week and take medicine to calm me down. I wouldn't wish even my greatest foes to have an experience like this. The only thing that got me through it was thinking that it could've been a lot worse.

This is helping not only the children but also the children of future generations because a lot of parents don't realize how important it is to establish trust with their child which then leads the child to trust what their parent teaches them (hopefully good principles and basic good parenting) and an overall good relationship, but unfortunately a lot of parents today realize this too late and try to repair a relationship when their child is already a young adult which can work but will take a lot longer to build that trust again

The realization that your kid is his own human being and not an extension you can make do whatever you want is something that every parent needs, preferably before they get a kid. Though I suppose I'll have to see if I learned that lesson myself when I do get one.

I feel like a lot of us can relate. Our parents don't talk to us, they talk *at* us.

As someone who went through this punishment a lot, times where I deserved it, times where it went too far, and times when it was taken away from me for a "better cause", and has a lot of PTSD from it because of how depressed it made me feel when I was younger, I could tell you this is very damaging. I just think you can't be one to give someone every and every reason to say bad things about you, but get upset when they actually do, parent or not. It just felt like years and years of my life was taken away from me because of this parental dynamic alone. It just feels like they can't accept how little it takes to make you happy, or they just aren't one bit satisfied with your existence alone when they do all of this. It hurts.

My daughter had a brain tumor when she was 13 years old. She had headaches and a stiff neck for awhile. My husband and I did take her to the doctor for each thing, and she was diagnosed with eating too much sugar, acid reflux, or in need of a new pillow and visit to a chiropractor. We gave her medications and changed her diet. When things were not helping, we didn't believe my daughter any longer. It wasn't until she was throwing up after every single meal, that we finally did get her a proper diagnosis. I carry the guilt and shame of the world for not believing my daughter right away, that something was seriously wrong. She knew and no one listened. That guilt feels like it wont ever go away. I agree with Dr. K. Listen to your kids. Always, no matter what.

Gonna be real when parents want you to “admit the problem” all that really means is they want you to admit what ^they^ think is the problem .

“His brother has better grades and extra curriculars” is such a dumb argument imo. Yes, it shows extra responsibility, but at the same time it’s also damaging to the other kid. I always felt bad when my parents brought up my grades to my siblings and how I was performing better in school- it really doesn’t matter, grades don’t necessarily measure how smart or responsible you are.

My parents were like this. It basically turned screentime into forbidden fruit and I didn't learn to self-regulate my impulses until well into adulthood, because I had always had overbearing parents deciding (literally) how every minute of my day was scheduled and exactly how much of anything from TV to cookies I was allowed. The first year (or three) of college was *rough*.

The Indian accent part was so so so funny and hilarious. I laughed so hard. It is so refreshing when someone is able to make fun based on racial stereotypes and do it in a good way, from point of understanding, compassion a care. You are absolutely brilliant on that.

I think the media skews how parents look at videogames as well. I was told consistently that I was addicted to videogames and that it was causing me problems, so I went to the numbers. My Steam account recorded 50 hours total playtime in 2 weeks, around 3 hours a day on average. That's not addiction, that's having a hobby I enjoy in my downtime from 9 pm to midnight.

Rare undercurrent of actual anger from Dr.K running through this one and I'm here for it.

As someone who experienced this as the child, I had struggles in school and it was exacerbated by a turbulent home life. I had not only my video games and tv taken away, but it got to the point where I lost my stereo and all of my music and instruments (cds, cassettes, vinyls, guitars) If you can’t guess, it didn’t work. And I dropped out of high school and got my GED the same year (a year before my graduation was supposed to happen) and even lost my bedroom door for a time. Some people aren’t going to finish school. All of these potential problems aside, from my own experience, I had undiagnosed ADHD and potentially more. I have treatment resistant depression as well. It makes focusing and studying for school extremely difficult. And instead of having motivation to do better in school to get my privileges back, I was instead despondent and wanted to rebel more and do less in school. I had lost a lot of my emotional outlets and felt like I was trapped in a cyclical problem. Where I would struggle in school but wouldn’t get understanding because I’m apparently “too smart to keep failing” and would continue to be punished no matter the effort I tried to put forth.

My mother was strict with me too. The biggest negative impact I still feel as strongly as ever, 10 years after leaving home, is that the period of time around 11pm-3am feels like "me time"; some kind of illicit opportunity to indulge. Even when I could easily just go to sleep and start again in the morning if I want!

I was going through a very, very strong depression due to so many problems at school and at home when I was 16. I was suspected (now confirmed) of being on the spectrum. Videogames were the only thing I could do to distract me from everything and one of the few interests I had. Despite my parents being the root cause of many of my problems, they still found a way to make truce temporarily just to agree to take away my videogame consoles and not allow me to use the computer for anything other than school work. They then wondered why I started having meltdowns and shutdowns every day of my life until they finally gave up and realized they had made a terrible choice.

sometimes i want to grab parents by the shoulders and tell them "your childs symptoms still exist even if its inconvenient for you"

Also as a parent who wants to do better for his kid, thank you! I think we all know so much of this information, but hearing it explained like this is an amazing resource that I hope will help me, and other parents, to better help their child to succeed

My parents constantly hate on me for wanting to spend more time with my girlfriend than them, saying that she's manipulating me to do so, making me want to hate my family, and that she's 'isolating me from everyone' For a very, VERY, long time (and I've expressed this to them before I started dating my current girlfriend [of 2 years]) I've wanted to move away from the people in my life, especially my family. They're draining, mentally and physically. They pick on me, call me fat and constantly tell me I need to eat better just because I have more than 1 or 2 snacks in a day, then denying this altogether. Telling me I should go outside more during the PANDEMIC when I'm DEPRESSED and playing video games all the time. Taking me out of my public school for their own political beliefs and then BLAMING ME for falling behind on a shitty curriculum (of Khan Academy and random textbooks they could find, no teaching hands on) for Homeschool. Then asking me if I wanted to just fake my A's and not even letting me go to public school, but letting me go to virtual school because they can "see if I'm being brainwashed or not." Any compliment they give to me is a stab at anything else that doesn't have to do with them, or just directly supports something THEY APPARENTLY DID. "I feel awesome about these modding commissions I'm getting, I feel like I'm getting really good at game development and that field, I'm really proud of myself." My mom: "Yeah, you got that from your dad, you're really blessed by us, you should be thankful and grateful that you have parents with money." From all that I just said, does any of it have to do with my girlfriend? Does me not liking my family have to do with my girlfriend? They blame her CONSTANTLY for no reason and it drains her. They can't be in the same room without my parents or siblings shedding some drama or petty comment about something they don't like about her. My parents are both textbook narcissists. I'm sick of it, and seriously cannot wait to leave. I hope someone here sees this and can relate, because I feel pretty damn horrible, despite having a job, and my entire life ahead of me.

I hate when parents think nothing can be wrong in your life because they’re your parent.

"The kid is gonna win this game" Of effing course he's gonna win. I've seen a lot of parents like this and the kids just fucking go the Sasuke route; become really successful and powerful and spite their parents to the grave. It's a very sad thing to watch.

This is very insightful. I am one of those ppl that always thought games were bad for you seeing my younger brother-in-laws go through “laziness” so didn’t want to have any video games at home. Once I became a parent, I do restrict to only weekends but I think I might need to readjust after watching this. Thank you so much for posting this. Parenting is so hard and these videos help guide me to be a better one.

"When the mind suffers and has no coping mechanism or outlet for that suffering, it manifests in the body"

"It's a game you're not going to win." Very potent words. That was basically what I experienced at 13ish. I realized my parents weren't going to engage with me. They had a totalitarian rule over the house. There was never any ground to be made. They would lie, falsely offer rewards or exceptions, and do lots of things to try and control me. But when I realized at that really age that they only wanted to be pleased, I realized I had no power but to strike. So that's what I did. I did enough work to graduate, to stay healthy, to set myself up for after I moved away. But that was for my own sake. Everything else was just enough to keep the belt at bay. Any "goals" of "rewards" were never met. I never, for nearly 9 years, did anything to satisfy them. Because I had already been too burned. I was never going to stick my hand in the fire again.

I was raised in this strict "fixing you with a side of punishment" household my whole life and it really fucked me up socially. I now have a daughter (7yo) that I strictly refuse to take that same approach with. I make every effort to talk with her, understand her feelings and encourage or support as appropriate. My family still judges me and claims I am giving her what she wants or being to easy on her. I just tell them they were never the best example of parenting and their opinions are not welcome.

I noticed this! When I'm alone, I'll drive far better than with my father. I may speed a bit, I've had some near misses, but we all do. I've learned that the near misses happen, and it's how you respond to them that makes you a good driver. But I'm more relaxed and more in tune with what's going on around me, rather than my father's potential comments (and vocalized comments). Same with anything. When I'm on my own, I am able to develop my own routines, free from my father's need to remind me or complain. It's just natural to put stuff in the sink and clean it and put it away immediately, rather than leave it there. There's also no junk lying around, so you aren't tempted to leave more stuff because, subconsciously, who cares? It's messy already. It's like a big reset. At 27, I'm tired of having my father breathing down my neck like I'm 16. It's severely stunted my growth mentally. Fortunately, I've been moving ahead. I need to moveout, but I'm willing to continue putting up with this nonsense so I can get my degree and have a good foundation. I'll own two homes, my first being purchased cash as a rental, allowing me to save up quicker for a second home, also cash. I'll probably be mid 30s by the time it happens (graduating with my BSN and Bachelor's in public Health in 2026 at 31), but it'll be worth it. I'll have a nice house, and a backup I can always afford. I'll be independently thriving. I love my dad, but my god is he annoying, and I think man is only meant to live with his parents for so long.

Damn, I was heavily restricted back in the day, and all that happened was that I got really good at sneaking around and now I have a multi thousand dollar PC. Thanks parents. You did nothing but cause stress.

This hits home. As a kid I moved 15 times by the time I was 15. Had no opportunities to visit friends, because no one was living near me and my mom restricted my gaming access, eventhough it was the only thing I enjoyed while living in nomans land. I'm 26 now and neither me nor my siblings will ever talk to her again. She has no empathy for our lives. Anyways, I turned out to become a Game Developer and am working in the industry for 5 years now.

This is a very familiar situation. The terms "screen time", "privilege" and "manipulation" are super super memorable lol.

My parents "fixed" me straight into a drug addiction by continuing to take every single thing I was able to extract any joy from as a teen until that was the only route to dopamine for me

I can vouch for that statement that kids will always win. I was living with a very abusive relative at this time while my parents were abroad for work. At that time they helped me run away from that house by helping me rent a small room near my school but I still didn't feel safe because it's not like I moved away from my small city, but at this same time I just so happened to find a Christian organization that helped me through that by being people who would listen, help me cope and make me feel safe while I was still reeling from my experiences in the old house, something my parents couldn't provide because they were away. My parents found out and they didn't like it because they were devout catholics and wouldn't want me associating with other churches so they threatened to take me to another relative who would monitor my every move which I considered to be just a repeat of the same cycle, so I cut myself off from them for a while and started living on my own for a few years. I won't detail how we got back together and all the other stories that lead up to that but my point is I can see myself in what Dr K is saying when a parent wants to both punish and fix the kid's problems the kids are going to have their way.

This was literally me and my dad when I was 14 holy shit. It really cuts deep.

"I tried punishment, it didn't help! What should I try next? I know: more punishment!" Reminds me of my experience growing up, particularly in high school, I was extremely depressed, struggling with school, my stepdad's solution was to ground me from all video games and computer for the entire duration of every school year. Literally, however many months that adds up to be - no video games, no computer, nothing. I did the same as this kid - played on school computers or at friends' houses, sneaked my sister's gameboy - my parents tried taking me to a therapist exactly once, and specifically wanted it to be a therapist who would "be hard on me" so wasn't someone I felt comfortable talking to at all, big surprise that didn't last long and nothing improved. Years later as an adult I was diagnosed with ADHD. After a certain point you'd think there would be a realization that "what I'm doing now isn't helping, I need to try something else instead of intensifying the same thing" - and parents need to see their kids as people who are struggling with problems, not the kids AS problems to be solved.

My younger brother (20) is going through a very similar thing, and right now, he lives with me and my grandma, always cooped up in his room, playing video games well into the night. I’m trying my best to be empathetic and give him the space he needs to work through whatever he’s going through, but our traditional, Vietnamese grandma is fed up with it and is far less patient about what she thinks is him throwing his life away. I keep trying to remind her that he’s an adult, that no one can control what he does with his life, that all we can do is try to let him know that he can talk to us, and that we can’t force him to change his ways when he’s not ready to. He has to want to change, and the effort we spend trying to force the change is better spent on helping ourselves cope with his decisions. It does make me worry that he’s neglecting his physical and mental health (his ADHD and possible OCD exaggerate his moods). He refuses to find a job, seek therapy, nor even keep any of the family (me, our grandma, our mom, nor our stepdad) in the loop about what he plans to do with his life in the near future. He’s expressed that he’s planning to move back to NJ (currently in UT) to hopefully find his own place to live, but he’s yet to share any of the details, either because he doesn’t feel safe to do so, or because he hasn’t figured them out yet. It’s hard to know because he literally does not open up. Even when he and I play games together, he does not willingly have these conversations with me. Now I’m just focusing on my own shit and just hope that something changes soon before he passes out from malnutrition, emotional exhaustion, or other issues that I can’t help him with until he lets me in. I’ve told him my concerns, but he’s not taking them seriously. Thanks to anyone who’s read this far, it’s been difficult to come to terms with the situation, but any advice for me or my grandma would be really helpful.

I identified with the kid a lot and i was wondering why until you said "maybe he has adhd" and then i realized this was the issue. At some point a bit before the pandemic i basically gave up at school, i only wasted my time at the computer watching videos or playing random games, i thought i was addicted because i hated everything about my life when im not doing something, my mother died not long after my 13th birthday and my father is an alchoholic i'm only living because of my grandma and my uncle who does the minimum, i don't even think i have the skills to live as an adult, im a 17 yr old living in the middle of nowhere is brazil with no skills and im becoming 18 this april, i aslo forgot to mention that was diagnosed with adhd a while ago, or at least my dad said one day while he wasent drunk. I was also going to edit another thing in here, but i forgot, i only remembered that i wanted to say that my pc only has 2 gb of ram now so i'm only playing whatever can run on this which isn't much.

“The kids are going to win that game” Yup. I haven’t spoken a word to my parents in four years and I have no intentions of ever speaking to them again.

Interesting how dad could have flipped this to be a bonding experience for him and his child. Some of my favorite memories are my father staying up late with me to play counter strike source. I remember people in our lobby being shocked when I referred to him as “dad” telling me how cool that is. As a 13 year old that made me feel so cool and empowered. I played that game so much until I was damn good at it, and that’s because I wanted to make my dad proud. Instead of punishing the kid by taking it away, maybe turn it into a system where if the child can have some success with a tutor or something, they can run fortnight duo lobbies after every night before bed.

Here's the thing, I'm special needs with severe depression and ADHD but when the pandemic hit. I gave up on school because I couldn't pay attention, the school refused to accommodate, I couldn't talk to people before or during it so I used video games to talk to my friends and get away from the constant bullying or other issues. This would lead to me breaking off from the world and them only adding more and more restrictions which still applies but it only makes it harder to do my school work and enjoy myself. I've brought it up to them in a respectful and kind way but they don't listen or change their minds about it. I even held a job and I couldn't enjoy myself or relax because I only work through the time I had to use.

My dad is like this. My therapist even called CPS because of my dad’s neglect and “punishments,” and he cut her off and told me that I’m manipulative. I’m just trying to find out why my dad feels like the number one enemy. I don’t want to be with him anymore. I’ve gone through this before him, and I want to save myself again.

I feel like I’m the only one in this sea of people who had parents like this, and I can say fervently that the other option - talking to the kid - works wonders. I was diagnosed with ADHD two weeks before my freshman year of high school, and my parents tried to help me. They talked to me. The pandemic hit halfway through the school year, and my parents correctly figured out that video games were the only way for me to interact with my friends. How? By asking me. They let me talk to friends. The pandemic still hit me hard as hell, being recently diagnosed with ADHD with nothing figured out. I didn’t know what ADHD was, so when I talked to them, they told me and helped me figure things out. Now, two years later, I can successfully do stuff that everyone else can like read a textbook. I’ve mostly got through that dark time of my life where I almost failed every class due to missing homework. That’s another thing: they let me fail. They actually let me fail hard. I got Cs and Bs, I had mountains of homework, etc. eventually, I got tired of having bad grades. My motivation was back, but this time it was from within. They stopped reminding me when I told them not to. Because they didn’t need to. It wasn’t easy. It’s still ongoing. But, as a Junior in high school, I’m back on the right track. Thanks Mom and Dad for actually being there for me.

Strict parents raise pathological liars and cause unhealthy family dynamics. Abusive parents “raise” mental cases of all sorts and almost always leads to cut ties. I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with *some* of this, and it sucks. It sucks having to lie on an almost constant basis because your parents believe, expect, and demand you to be someone you are not. I swear I had a point when i started typing, but honestly i forgot. Just feels nice to put this out somewhere.

The fact that lot of Parents are like this, then when they talk to other parents and ask each other why their sons or their daughters don't talk to them much and being rebellious. And these same type of parents are raising teens to be very resentful, most of them even develop trust issues in later years because of how parents treated their teens. Most teens now were never taught to engage in positive way when experiencing failures, they instead treat it with reward and punishment. Despite with their good intentions, they never engaged in a healthy communication, no understanding, just rules, punishment, and rewards. They say children's these days are manipulative, some are true but most of the time, a parent who forces their belief and value into someone including their heirs is same thing as manipulation. A parent is a role model, if a parent acts in a manipulative manner, the child will naturally follow and inherit its traits. As a parent you should never start a war in the first place, home is a place of security and safety, not a war zone of mental challenges you have created by yourselves. In fact I'm more worried how the society today will form once these teens who were emotionally gets neglected reach adulthood. The fact so many people commented about their experience in this video is even more worrying as it shows how many people have began changed their views about humanity because of the way they were treated.

This dad sounds like my dad growing up. It’s always been that he gets an idea in his head and that’s it, no discussion. It was always frustrating to be taught as a child to question everything, but when I just ask my dad a simple “Why?” he would shut me down and say “Because I told you to.” I got diagnosed with ADHD at 21, which explained a lot growing up, but when I asked my dad why we couldn’t have gotten me tested for it as a kid, he told me it wasn’t real and that I just needed to see a psychiatrist. Was I addicted to games growing up? Maybe a little, especially my GBA. But mostly I’ve always used them to get away from reality. Didn’t help that I didn’t have siblings or was never allowed to hang out with friends. That kid in the post has much older siblings, one has a child even, and the pandemic hit so he couldn’t even hang out with his friends anymore, so there was no one else for him to talk to. I sympathize with him so much.

"Restrain instead of restriction" is so important because the parent's influence and control will only decrease over time. You have to help your kid develop the ability to regulate themselves because you can't possibly do it for them forever.

As I grow older I realise four things: - How lucky I am to have well educated and open minded parents - How lucky I was to have gone to a good school and made good friends - How 70% of people out there weren't as lucky yet no one tries to help them - How over half of the parents of the world are terrible and don't deserve to have children and are the root of social problems. Look at all the terrible people. Hitler. He had an abusive father. I remember reading somewhere that said, no one is born evil or problematic. They grow to become it.

During covid I was in high school and my grades plummeted. My parents had always looked at me through the lens of my grades and I too started to connect my value to my school performance. I felt so incredibly depressed and video games were my only outlet. When they took them away I was too tired from school to feel anything about that, so I just did nothing all day. I think what that father doesn't realize is that his kid isn't trying to get his games back because he's too tired/doesn't care enough to think about. He feels empty.

Your late segment starting around 34min was so important. So many think the “back in my day we did blah blah” train of thought but today isn’t back in the day. There are new threats and lures and troubles that need new methods.

TL:DR: Dont treat your child like a slave. Long version: Its funny seeing parents act like their God over their child, and that they are the most superior being in their life. As a parent, YOUR CHILD IS NOT YOUR SLAVE. Just because they are a child does NOT mean you get to disrespect them and turn them into your mindless robotic slave. When I was 15, I had asked my parents for even a LITTLE bit of free time. I was severly stressed out with school, work, and home drama that I got virtually no free time where I could just be by myself and enjoy my time alone. But their response? "Children dont deserve free time, you are the child, we are the adults. You do what we say". Advice to EVERY parent and future parents. DO NOT undermine your kid because they are below the age of 18 and you are their parent. A child deserves as much respect as any other damn human being, and it infuriates me to even bring that up. If you cant do that, dont bother becoming a parent, cause I guarantee you your child will spite the hell out of you when their older. Sorry for the rant. This subject just pisses me off, which I am also passionate about raising awareness for.

i grew up with my parents only allowing games on: -Weekends (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) -Days when school is cancelled (Holidays or Parent-Teacher Conference Days) -Long Trips -When Friends Carpooled Over i lived with these rules from like before 1st Grade through Highschool. it was immensely hard to focus on schoolwork when my mind was on the game and waiting for Friday to come. you can't get a weeks worth of gaming down in less than 2 days. i tried calculating how much playing time i'd get and it was something like: (12 hours of daylight on Friday - hours at school) + (12 hours of daylight on Saturday - (x) hours spent on chores) + (12 hours of daylight on Sunday - Church hours) and it was less than a day compared myself to my best friend who could get gaming out of his system with no restrictions and made high honor role, even becoming valedictorian. it sucked.

I wish more people looked at problematic behaviors as forms of communication and/or attempts to ease suffering or solve a problem. Also, it's so incredibly depressing for all parties concerned when therapists get shoved into the role of the bad cop and/or private eye. The therapists who attempt to resist or transcend that role usually end up being disregarded or fired.

I am currently at lunch at work. I work as an electrician. For most of my life, I've had an interest/passion for politics. I wanted to be a lawyer or, later on when I actually learned what it was, a sociologist. I was never really able to learn good study habits or healthy self-regulation, and I've always been trying to communicate with my parents (my dad, specifically) that I wish he would just meet me where I am and help me fix my own problems instead of always stepping in and fixing things for me/punishing me for things I didn't feel I had control over. For most of my life, I was dealing with undiagnosed ADHD and major depressive disorder, and that, alongside my interest in politics and my lack of athleticism, made me a prime target for bullying. Going to school felt terrible, but it was better than the only alternatives. I had nobody I could go to where he wouldn't find me, and if I just didn't go, he would have either wrangled me there physically or whooped me with the belt or whatever else he was using on any given day. I know this because he did so for things a lot less minor. I have spent the last 15 years of my life, basically from the moment I could have a semi-coherent dialogue, trying to get him to understand that something else was wrong. That it wasn't the video games or the getting into fights or anything like that that was the problem. That there were other things going on. By the time I figured out the language to say it, I was 15. Even then, he still talked over a lot of it. Even after I got my diagnoses, my symptoms were still met with punishment after a brief six month period where they tried cooperation, and because results didn't come fast enough, he ditched it. I didn't really feel like I had a place where I could just be myself, so I didn't have a place where I could learn to cope with my issues in a healthier manner or attempt to resolve that which could be resolved. I'm 21 now. I mostly try to avoid my dad just to keep conflict down so, even though I live in his house, we don't really talk much. Even when we do, it rarely goes deeper than him telling me about this new cool piece of military tech. Even though the punishments don't really come much anymore because he just kind of gave up on most of them by the time I was 19, I still don't feel safe. He has repeatedly threatened to kick me out because I'm a socialist, and when I finally puffed out my chest and called their bluff on "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it", my dad attacked me as if I was threatening my mom for telling her to "do it then". Let me just repeat that. Me calling my mom's bluff on her actual death threat was what my dad called a threat and physically attacked me over. I've spent the last 20 or so minutes crying and trying to emotionally recover enough to go back to work after listening to this one and the video about gifted kid burnout. It hurts. It hurts so much. I've been trying to tell them these things for almost a decade and a half and now that I've actually been able to find somebody with the academic authority to back that up, it's too late. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 21 and I'm an adult and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or how to even start figuring that out and, barring the invention of a time machine, I can't go back and show them this video and I can't relive my childhood. I am an adult and I have to go back to work in literally under a minute and I'm still crying because I don't know how I'm gonna do anything for the next however many years of life I have left. At least I know I was onto something.

Reminds me of my mothers hatred for my gaming when I was a teen. Honors student, active and healthy, didn't drink or do drugs, yet she couldn't stand I spent my time playing video games or even watching anime on the weekends because she thought these things were for much younger children so automatically there must be something wrong with me. She didn't understand these things were actually created for people in my age group lol. I remember just feeling uneasy anytime I heard her walk by my room because I just knew she would try to belittle me for it. She was also convinced playing video games would give me a mental illness, make me violent or ruin my life lol. As an adult I questioned a lot of her paranental logic but I've come to realize her controlling habits probably came from a lack of control in her own life.

I love you all and none of us are alone. True AoE healing, didn't realizing how many kids lived this childhood.

As someone on the Autism spectrum my mom would take away my videogames more than once. I had restriction after on and off not having good grades in school. Honestly school sucked for me. Before my freshman year of High school just a few weeks my mom and later stepdad took away my videogames. I didn't get them back till Graduation day. My stress levels were only getting higher and I didn't know about my Aspergers diagnosis until I was 17 years of age. I was rebellious and more than once arrived late. My mom and stepdad didn't say great things like how after having had 2 seizures my stepdad said to me that he had to pay $10,000 for my ambulance and hospital time. Then said if I had a 3rd seizure I'd pay it out of pocket. My mom coddled me and even into my 30th birthday she and my stepdad talked down to me like I was 15. Why do parents do this to their children.

This brought me a lot of insight. As a single parent of four I had to look at their views not because of wanting to be strict and tango around each other, but realizing that I was from also divorce parents, strict parent and the other not at all, had no voice, and etc. I have mental and physical disabilities can not ever be an excuse on my part, because when I did use it, it back fires. I notice symptoms on some children for things I have so I try my best to start teach all them methods for different areas whether it’s needed or not. This vid was big insight. I’ll most likely rewatch later and see what I can better add to my tool set.

One thing: I don't think the kid was actually playing on a Gameboy. I think the parent is just calling the Switch a Gameboy. They just kept switching up their terminology.

"His mother and I are divorced" "Right when the pandemic hit" Must be them vidya gaems!

Speaking as a 40 year old whose life is still affected by decisions I made when I was 7 and 8 years old, I don't think you should put a number on "they're not 12 any more, they're 16" and draw a line where you suggest that below a certain age, kids aren't capable of having thoughts and opinions of their own. When I was 10, there was a boardgame I wanted, which my parents refused to buy me because a shopkeeper said it was "too complicated for someone that age" and they took his word over mine. After eventually getting a copy when it was republished more than a decade later, I got my Dad to play the game with me and asked if he thought I'd have enjoyed the game when I was 6, and he said "yes" - then realised why he thought he'd heard the name before when I asked "so why didn't you buy it for me when I was 10?" and apologised for not trusting that I knew my own taste in games.

It's like parents say " My kid isn't happy so I'll just take away everything else that makes them happy and maybe that will fix it." 🙂

During my darkest, most damaging years in school, playing text-based RPG online was one of the very few things that saved me from suicide. It let me know that somewhere out there are good people.

Oh man, I remember when my mother used to punish me with all sorts of things and accuse me of god knows what, because I've had headaches for weeks, literally 24/7, and "obviously" that must have been my own fault. She didn't allow me to stay home from school because "she has headaches too and also has to work". Well, turned out I had a nerve infection in my freakin' head. My doctor was not amused about the fact I was running around like this for weeks without treatment and it constantly getting worse.

Maybe im late to this party but this hits really close to home as a trans kid with undiagnosed ADHD + possible autism and doctors my parents choose to just not listen to me. Everything i do is manipulation, nothing i say is taken seriously. I regularly break down at school, most days im unable to handle any of my classes after lunch no matter how hard i try. I need several hours to recuperate from school and the only thing i can do to handle the stress is hide in a digital world. And no matter how many doctors i cry to, no matter how i try to tell my whole story, no one LISTENS. Ive had doctors brush off my particular dysphoria as social anxiety. Ive had every struggle focusing chalked down to generalized anxiety and major depressive. Thank you for trying to explain the kid's probable story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I have chronic headaches that doctors cannot explain. I relate to a lot of the things this boy has, mainly the unpredictable sleeping schedule. I try to be awake in the day, but it is hard for me to want to go to sleep at night for some reason. I have been diagnosed with delayed sleep phase. I have an on and off video game addiction. There was a period of my life when I felt like I couldn’t live without video games. This was during a very stressful part of my life. My parents were understanding that I was going through a lot (I have a lot of health problems, and school was hard for me) so they didn’t really regulate me. At some point they decided to pull me out of school after I had a mental breakdown so I could just focus on my health issues and mentally healing. Eventually I got into jewelry making, and then video editing. As I got into hobbies and had the stress in my life reduce, my urge to play video games slowly evaporated. I went months just without wanting to play them and ended up uninstalling a couple of them from my computer as they were taking up space. Now just a few weeks ago I started school again and my video game addiction has come back with a vengeance. I don’t know why, as this is much easier school than I did before, and I know now that I am expected to just pass and don’t have to get all As (My parents used to want me to get the highest scores possible, but have eased up over time), but I still get panic attacks about it. I think I might have some kind of PTSD surrounding it. Does anyone have any tips to help me?

OH GOD my mom is a "fixer", this hits home for me. She kicked me out of the house because she couldn't handle my depression & didn't communicate with me.

"you have to let go of the illusion of control" -Master Oogway

My dad does a lot of this and my mom also does a lot of what the mom in the story does. You’re my hero because you helped me learn what was wrong with my dad. I don’t know what else I can express my gratitude with besides subbing and hitting the bell.

Playing video games actually put my OCD in check because it actually provided a healthy dose of neuroplasticity in my brain. When my dad removed my games my OCD became much, much worse. As a consequence I became much less productive