I used to have what I call "good brain days" more often. I'm 47 and I'm finding it harder and harder to have these days. I have multiple prescriptions for my ADHD, anxiety, depression and sleep. It's so hard everyday to just get the basic things done. I'm a single mom with 4 kids. There's nothing left in my tank when I get home at night.
All that medicine - has a doctor ever asked to do the easy test to check your estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone? There is help for perimenopause - find a good doctor aka a doctor not in the dark ages concerning today’s hormone replacement. My estrogen level was in single digits - now it Hoovers over 100 - has been life changing! Even progesterone cream from Amazon helped - only regret was not supplementing sooner! Good luck Moma! Xo, Regina
@@JoyDVshop thank you for that tip! Not sure why I haven't thought to have that checked. I will have my PCP check it. I'm 47, so that is definitely a possibility. I talked to a psychiatrist the other day and found out one of my sleep meds could be seriously exacerbating my ADHD symptoms and memory problems. I've just been putting bandaids on top of bandaids since my divorce 7yrs ago. It's time to peel the layers and get it figured out.
Stay encouraged.. Take it one day at a time, and give yourself grace for this season of your life…This too shall pass !! You’re on this page, so that speaks to your desire to make better. That is a huge step!! I’m going to pray for you right now!!
For me not starting the business is not about anything what you mentioned. For me it is about all the endless alternatives and ideas. I’m running on all ideas and never get a straight direction, which makes me never get the routine and consistency that is needed to run a business. Or I am not even trying to start one because the alternatives are endless and it makes me overwhelmed. It’s like I need a frame or clear boundaries to be able to be creative and productive. Very good described that we can forget the goal when focusing on the small tasks. Even though I am very big picture and goal oriented, I sometimes forget this because of my time blindness and focus.
This is very helpful. I’ve been starting a business for the last 7 years. Hopefully one day I’ll start it. I was having a tough time figuring out why. Fear of failure is part of it along with putting myself out there for people to judge. I think my need for everything to be just right (perfectionism) plays a big role as well. Your experience of having difficulty picking a lane and going for it is the missing piece in understanding why I cannot seem to be successful with my business even though it’s doing what I love most. In my case, I think it’s best described as analysis paralysis. Does that ring true for you as well? Have you found any effective ways to overcome this?
@@frederickfairlieesq5316 yes, I guess it is partly some sort of analysis paralysis. In my case it could be that I am analysing and preparing but never starting because there is some small thing that makes it not worth it comparing with other alternatives. The other reason could be because I can’t stop the curiosity to see if I can find something better. The solution I have found is to put up a step by step plan. Focus on the plan, live it and think about the steps I have to take every day. The night before I repeat the steps and things I have to do and I feel eager to start the day and accomplish things to come closer to my goal. Feel the dopamine coming when focusing on the goal and ticking off the to do list, one by one. The steps should not be too big and they should not be too many every day. But on the other hand it is important for me (and I think with people with adhd) to feel some kind of pressure and like “now I have to get up in the morning to start all the fun things I have to accomplish”. So there should be so many steps so you can see some big results during the day, that drives me at least. For me it is important to think big, that makes me thrive. Like, what is the biggest and most rewarding results I can accomplish tomorrow? I hope it helps and please let me know if you have any other strategy :)
12:21 Thank you for making the distinction between a task and a project. So many non-ADHD-ers see projects as if they were individual tasks, and then wonder why ADHD-ers get overwhelmed at the prospect of them. I really struggle with intrinsic motivation. I learned at an early age to bottle my emotions (which is preferable to venting, certainly, but it's much better to be taught how to PROCESS them), and the long-term effect is that I just... don't... feel things anymore? Like, I genuinely can't think of the last time I felt any kind of eagerness looking forward to anything. Extrinsic motivation works great. If I'm being graded/evaluated in any way, I get stuff done, and I do it well. But anything that's "just" for me? It's not going to get done until leaving it undone causes more problems than ignoring it. (And most creative tasks, which are the tasks I come closest to enjoying, never fall into that category.) I almost need to start with step zero - learning how to feel things again - before I can even hope to harness emotion to help me get stuff done 🤷♀ That said, when I DO need to get stuff done, I can vouch for the fact that the "little wins" method works great (12:18). Or, as I like to put it, "Something is always better than nothing." I'm better off doing a small task imperfectly than waiting until I can do a larger task perfectly, because then I will have made a modicum of progress. A baby step is always better than no steps.
I'm the same, and you're right, you have to learn what it actually IS that you're feeling, and to put names to your emotions and then how to deal with those emotions. Counseling with a really good counselor that you can connect with is really helpful, and I would even say necessary, to move forward in a life you deserve. It helped me a lot! My experience is that I went through a life-changing death of a family member when I was young and it put me into this "survival mode" of just existing and trying to make it through every day. I slapped a smile on my face, put my nose to the grindstone, and worked really hard to 1) support myself physically and financially, and 2) show everyone I was "just fine." There wasn't any room or time (or support) to process the incredible grief I felt or any other emotions for that matter, so I just shut them all down and put them in a box on a shelf so I could survive, and I lived like that for years. Once I got to a comfortable place in life where I felt safe, that's when they all boiled up to the surface and practically demanded to be dealt with, but it was a big, jumbled up mass of "STUFF" I didn't even know what to individually name. It was an excruciating experience to sort it all out and FEEL, recognize, name, and process everything, but I really think it's something we have to do, otherwise our brains are sort of "stuck" in that time period, unable to grow until we deal with it all. I know people that have grown up in families where they learned that you just don't show any emotions, period. Those people are the most anxiety ridden people I know. It's just not normal for people to be expected not to feel, or if they feel, to immediately cram those feelings down. We are not robots. I wish you well on your journey!
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane Thank you for your well wishes and advice! That's very kind of you. Counseling/therapy isn't really on the table (for various personal and financial reasons), but the potential solution I've come up with is reading up on emotions, particularly via books for children. I work at a public library, and I regularly see a lot of picture books on emotions that get checked out, and kid books are great at covering a topic succinctly from a super-basic level. It might seem a bit silly, but I think it's a good place for me start. I can always work up to more in-depth books later.
@@whatwilliwatch3405 Oh wow, I love that! Now that's getting back to basics... what a great idea! I would have never thought of that. Very smart of you!
i too struggle with motivation and just doing something for myself... I'm 25 and trying to figure it out. Same as you, if someone evaluates me - i will get it done. I work well with tasks, but given by someone - like my parents when I was younger, teachers, or now in work. if my boss tells me to get something done, I will. If I promise to do sth for someone I will. But If i promise MYSELF I will for example - get up early - I won't. BUT if i know i have to get up early at like 6, to go to a doctor or something that i HAVE TO do, I will. But it has to be an external must - nothing to be done without consequences works for me because i don't evaluate myself....
One of the things that have helped me a little is to set short timers for tasks I have to do but don’t feel like doing. So if I have to write an email, I’ll set a 3 mns timer and when it goes off I check myself, I feel the reward of having done those 3 mns and set another timer to finish. Same with exercise. Different timers for different types of tasks depending on how long each one takes. If it’s a long taks, I’ll set for 15-20 mns. It’s really helped me
I’ve been in a rut of wanting to do stuff but unable to focus long enough to get anything of importance done. It’s really affecting my life right now and causing a lot of problems
I’m always late. I have issue with getting in the shower I will pace back and forth in front of shower just can’t put my foot in . When I do I’m fine to take a shower then . This is a secret I don’t want people to know I have such struggles. Thought I’d mention in case others have such troubles it’s like a concrete wall to break through most days
You are not only not alone, but this is something that is definitely not a permanent problem. When I had this at its worst, feeling all the way through to the ground that there was no end in sight was my *reality.* Then, a person becomes isolated, and the time spent in this state feels even more like a permanent reality. Every little move to break things down and down into manageable steps helps me. Making a "Did" list along with (or instead of) a to-do list, and leaving other people's expectations/judgments as their reality and not mine all helps. Momentum can work on the way down emotionally, .It can also help build you back up.
The intrinsic vs extrinsic rewards info was an aha for me. Trying to explain to coaches and course instructors that gold stars don't do it for me always gets me suggestions of gold star substitutes. Aaaargh! Folks who are motivated by those things can't seem to grasp that it does not matter how big the gold star. Now I have info to add. Thanks.
This gave me better understanding of why my teen son with ADHD struggles to do homework and chores and tells me he can't just chose to do it even though he knows it's important. I love that you used the term body doubling- I previously thought "he needs a babysitter", but "body double" is less negative and a nice reframe for me to view this need. I also learned that I should allow him more freedom to chose what order to do tasks instead of telling him to do what I feel is most important and then get frustrated with him when he doesn't follw through. So thank you for all the education and insight you shared! I subscribed and will continue to tune in.
(I have ADHD Inattentive type, for reference) When I was in school, I would wait until the last minute to do homework or study for a test. Something about doing that gave me the motivation I needed to finally get it done. I think I just found it really boring. I always got great grades in school, though. I think people like us learn and remember content so much better by listening and engaging with a gifted instructor than we ever will staring at words on paper.
You are the ONLY person on this internet planet of info- who says it right- and help me…. I am going to keep pressing in- and saving my life here…. Thank you
For me, I need to eat the frog first. Because after all the smaller tasks, I will have no energy left to tackle the frog. The struggle is, to get started with the frog 😬
I feel like both are true for me. Sometimes I never start anything because I need to eat a frog first and don't want to (like just figuring out how to actually do a thing is a frog). Other times I realllly need to eat the frog first. Example: I really want to get in shape and start working out again. I'm bad about waking up on time, let alone early, but the odds of me actually doing the workout are even lower at the end of the day when I'm work-tired instead of groggy-tired, plus when I actually wake up early and do the workout, I get a whole endorphin boost off of it that makes my whole morning feel so much more productive. I wish I remembered that when my alarm goes off and I just want to sleep.
I just got diagnosed with ADHD and I’m almost 30. I struggled throughout my childhood and all my doctors just said “eh its depression. We’ll throw depression meds at you.” They never did anything. It wasn’t the source of my issue! I finally got an appointment with my moms family doctor and she had me go through all the questions and right at the end before she even ‘graded’ it she said “you have ADHD and have all your life. We’re going to help you and your brain make your life a little easier.” This was 2 months ago. I’m so happy to have found your channel and to finally- *finally* be able to live happy and help myself be better at things I struggled with for so long. My 5 year old just got diagnosed with ADHD last month, and I’m pretty sure my husband has undiagnosed ADHD as well. To anyone out there struggling, you’re not alone! We can all do this together 💜
Thank you My children tell me that I have ADHD, I didn't believe them. After watching your videos. You described everything I go through. I can't even finish one project. Getting my kitchen clean is always a win.
As another someone with ADHD, I can say that you are literally on it with every single point that resonates with me. Most ADHD videos hit most of my issues, but you went point for point, up to, and including starting a company (not certain of what) but KNOWING I'd fail at it so why even try and, hold up... NOT thinking I have ANY true intrinsic interests, period. Self sabatage. Low self esteem. A mind that makes it harder to do something, the harder I try... 😮💨 ADHD actually SUCKS. Not being able to pay bills and get an oil change SUCKS. 😥
As for emotional connection to the feeling you’re going to feel when it’s done- a new thing i learned is that we don’t get dopamine from completing tasks. It’s why I do everything 90%. Finishing isn’t better than 90% for me, actually 90% is better because then I can stop.
So many rude comments! I found every minute of what you said very interesting and important to know. I need underlying info before you give me a 1. 2. 3. list, so THANK YOU for this! 🙂
@taukirsyed1769 I've always wondered about my strong sense of justice, never understood the connection with ADHD! Can you tell me which video she spoke about that?
Thanks for hitting on the intrinsic motivation point. The ADHD brain, being wired differently, is also wired for those “different” kinds of life tasks and jobs that are often overlooked and minimized in our society. We are very often highly creative and absolutely thrive in nature. We are intrinsically motivated through these types of avenues, but public high schools and colleges do not “count” these as any job worth encouraging. So, the strong will learn to modify their brain and behaviors to fit society better. But the stronger will break out of the broken society system and live life the way they were meant to.
“That’s not a task. That’s a PROJECT.” As much as I logically know this, it really helps to hear it stated exactly like that. Your content is super insightful and actionable. I really appreciate the effort and energy you put into helping ADHD entrepreneurs get out of our own way. Thank you 🙌❤️🙏
I've always described my time awake as being trapped in a swimming pool full of jello. FINALLY, someone else gets it! I feel so much better and have so much more hope after watching this video than I ever have had after 2 DECADES of therapy and meditation!!! OMG THANK YOU
She actually starts the explanation at around the 1:05. It’s very helpful, I find, to have an understanding of the science behind the behavior in order to sustain change, so I’m glad she gives the explanation first. There is a ⏩button.
I literally have piles of tasks littered throughout my home awaiting some massive influx of motivation. The fallacy of this, of course, is that there are now so many that I don't know which to tackle first, crippling me into task paralysis. Your insights here are definitely the shift in thought I've needed to deprogram old and ineffective modes of thought around their completion. I don't know if I have ADHD, but it doesn't matter if these techniques are relevant. Thank-you so much for sharing this video!
Yes, this. I make so many lists, but I can't keep track of them or prioritize or begin to tackle. I have trouble separating my bare functioning from my fantasy life. If I would just do life and trudge on through, instead of being in paralysis from being disappointed that I am not achieving Fantasy me like the RU-vid's ... Look, can't even finish a complete thought.
The question is: do we have all of these talents and ideas for business because of our ADHD? 50% of entrepreneurs in the U.S. have ADHD. Maybe it is our destiny, but it is not easy to fulfill.
Your elegant explanation of working memory and its effect on emotional connections and intrinsic motivation really hit home. Whilst the knowledge feels a little bitter-sweet looking back on my own life, it's knowing kids can be taught this from the start of theirs that really makes it so valuable. Cheers!
it felt so good to watch someone patiently explain all the things i go thru on a daily basis, thanks for being so kind. hopefully your recs will help me be more consistent 🤞
I already Tried the method of acknowladeing my achievements, as small as the. ight have been, and it did help some what, but the negative as you starte correctly, usually overpowers. Your method of giving these positive moments not just a few second, as I did til now, but actually remaining and lingering for a few minutes, makes a lot of sense, that this way will engrave itself into the brain more permanently. All the other tips and explanations are great as well. thank you!!
This was so helpful, even though i had to listen 3 times for the actual message to get in!!! But it finally got in, and I'm off to take notes and it all on paper before something shiny pulls me away!! 🎆💕🤗
"Erectile dysfunction of the brain" - brilliant. Perhaps the most apt one-line metaphor I've ever heard - and i am the consummate QUEEN of ADHD metaphors and analogies!! (true story) ❤
Thank you, Caren. I listen to you message almost daily. Sometimes I listen to your message/insight 2 or 3 times. Your words here resonate and are impactful to me. Thank you
I once was told to make a list. I laughed. I got an Apple watch, it told me to stand up. I took it off…it’s never born worn since. I have a magazine sub for one of my hobbies. 12 issues mailed. Zero read. I have a brain. It’s my distraction.
Thank you for that information today. I have suffered from this for almost 60 years. I am hopeful my insurance company will allow me to get tested and start on medication. It’s very hard at times but with your information at least I know now but I’m not losing my mind. Thank you again.
I really appreciate your videos, thank you! As one of the commentors mentioned; your info is direct and to the point in an ocean of information and vloggers where it's so difficult to get relevant /helpful advice.
Thank you! The information in this video is so helpful. Body doubling and why attempting some tasks is harder than others (if I didn't feel successful before and have to revisit the task). I appreciate how much you share with us!
Okay you are fantastic. I had to stop your video to give you this praise. I suffer from anxiety and now I am thinking I may also have ADHD but I am not a psychologist so I have booked an appointment with one. The life hacks for motivation are really helping get through my days productively. You A.N.T.s hit me like a freight train! I always chastise myself for my past attempts. Thank you thank you thank you ❤❤❤❤❤
Wow, I am SO GLAD I saw this...I am right now at this moment sitting in my home that is a WRECK and has been for eons. I can sometimes get up enough motivation and energy to actually get the kitchen cleaned up (somewhat) and started on laundry but then I face the HUGELY OVERWHELMING tasks of the MOUNTAIN of the unopened mail (years of it now) and the actual DEEP cleaning of my place that it needs. The just "on the surface cleaning of the dishes and laundry only shows me how dirty my place REALLY is so it is just so defeating so I just sit down right in the middle of it all like I'm at the bottom of a hole looking waaaaaaaay up at rhe top of the hole from this dark tunnel straight down. There's like a GAZILLION things I need to do and I just....can't. I even already know the old tropes of a body in motion tends to stay in motion etc..but I just....can't. I started taking wellbutrin about a month ago and it has helped but it doesn't seem to be enough to keep me going. I used to be an avid acoustic guitar player, good enough to fool people that I'm actually better than I am and now all of then just sit here gathering dust. I pick one up and within a minute or 2 I set it down in disgust at how bad I've gotten. NOTHING brings me joy anymore. Nothing. I used to be an avid disc golfer and by avid I mean compelelty addicted to the walking and throwing but I've had some severe physical issues happen to me and it's all just rolled over me like an avalanche. If I could end it I would. I've tried. But I'm a failure at that as well. Anyway...your video really hit me. Thank you.
I’ve watched several of your videos and happily realize that I’m not ADHD. I definitely overlap with several ADD qualities but I much more relate to Jungian personality theory or practically I’m an ENFP in the Myers Briggs spectrum.
This is incredibly helpful! Thank you so much for giving me an understanding of what is needed, what stands in the way, and the steps toward gaining self-motivation.
E.D. of the brain.....wow that really seems like a good way to describe it for people who don't understand. I'm not lazy, I want to do it! My body just... won't. Thank you for making videos. I find them very helpful ❤️ take care
Oh, my good! I do start (plan to start) the day with the ting which is most importen (and have been the most importent thing a looooong time). I wake up every day to a bunch of "have to do's"), and had forgot the "want to do's. Have sitting now and try to remember what I used to like doing - a lot for the brain som for the physics/creativity. Suddenly I finger it out I have to start my days whit things that get me satisfaction/happiness/ephoria. So, to morrow is my most importent thing to do DANCE 😊.
Wow, I learned something! I often have a motivation problem, I sometimes have a mental focus problem, I sometimes have a deficit of working memory -- but I did not know that all three of those mental resources are connected to dopamine. This is very helpful!
so heres my thing with it. i feel like its blocking me from being able to make money and move forward to even be able to have the funds to afford someone like u to help me. 😩😔its already hard enough trying to get through this video but its making me kinda sad at the same time 🤦🏽♀️cause getting through this alone has been quite the task. It makes me shutdown, and ive started watching these videos to keep me from shutting down but im still fighting depression, ima figure it out though, once this mood passes✨
Yeah. I was looking this up before, but got distracted. This is important, especially right now. I was trying to learn intrinsic motivation, but the only advice I found was "Learn to love the hard work; that is the holy grail of dopamine" annnnnd.. yeah, the term "intrinsic motivation" mostly gives you the explanation on what it is, not advice on what to do about it.
I watched this more than once. After the last one I started a section in my journal called Positive Filing Cabinet, where I wrote the purpose is to fill it with a daily summary of small wins. Tbh watching the whole video was a win, so that was my first entry 💃🏽 and also that I managed to take notes with diagrams (mini dopamine fix😅) to help me understand all the connections she talked about. And now...I think can handle another task today, yay! 💪🏾 🎉
Hihi! Yes I understand but sometimes in therapy, it's also a struggle to be LESS emotional, lol like adhd meds...up then down contradictory... concentrate on values. Thoughts and behavior
OMG.... everything you're saying probably makes sense, and is very useful. I'm only halfway through the vid and I have no idea what you said. You're talking so fast, and the constant pop up words and graphics are so distracting I can't remember what you just said. The whole dopamine thing does sound important & valuable to understand. Maybe if you edit the redundant verbage, and remember there's no rush to present your msg? I feel so down, because there's dozs of great comments. Obviously everyone else gets it.
I didn't know you could do that. There's a scene from The Fifth Element, where Leelu has just been created. She's in an ace bandage outfit. The camera shows her perspective, after she gets out of the tube. BLINK-BLINK-BLINK-BLINK-BLINK, fast scenes shoot by. That's what it's like for me, watching vids like this.
I guess everyone is different. I really like how she puts the words she's saying up on the screen because seeing them and hearing them at the same time helps me remember them. What I find super distracting is when the words being spoken don't match the written words on the screen. We have to take these tests at work that are like that and it drives me nuts! I'm always trying to listen to what's being said while trying to find the words on the screen, meanwhile missing both! I hope this doesn't sound to simplistic, but have you ever tried not looking at the screen? Maybe that would help? I was going to suggest slowing the speed down, too, as someone else here suggested. I have to do that sometimes. It's weird, some ADHDers love that fast talking, and some hate it! 😀
Just found you. I’m looking forward to follow this channel ❤️. My strategy is to breaking down big goals into small tasks so I’m able to make small wins. I think BJ Foggs research on tiny habits have been really useful
Great video Caren! This is what I need the most to thrive with my ADHD and ASD, motivation to do what is needed. And all I do now, is supposed to be in/around my interests, even though it has been so hard to start the little tasks. Thank you so much, your videos are so helpfull. You are also so beautiful, it helps watching to the end of ur videos, jeje. Blessings
How about trying to focus during a breakdown? Of which focus seems completely impossible? There are days when my mind is so clouded and headaches which seem like a dull pain but like a continual unending feeling which interrupts my ability to focus. But the only thing I can seem to do is watch RU-vid and encounter videos like this one. And when I need to do something, I have to convince myself that it needs to get done… and afterwards take another rest: and work has also been a challenge: See a counselor… not a chance… the system is broken because the psychology is also flawed… I have chosen to deal with issues in my own way… and perhaps write a book.
If self-motivation with ADHD were a sport, it'd be more like trying to score a touchdown in a pool of hummus-slippery, messy, and you're just sinking deeper trying to reach the end zone! 00:00 - Dive into the rollercoaster of ADHD self-motivation: sometimes you're a superhero, other days you're a couch potato! 01:30 - The low-dopamine struggle is real: feels like trying to run through hummus or dealing with the erectile dysfunction of the brain! 03:41 - Quick wins first! Forget the taxes, start with the jams and vibes to boost that dopamine. 07:21 - Watch out for brain ants! They're not the picnic type but the kind that feeds on your self-doubt with every failed task. 11:28 - Discover your intrinsic motivation-it might not pay the bills, but it'll sure pay off in dopamine! 13:56 - Celebrate small victories because every little win in the ADHD world feels like winning an Oscar for Best Motivation in a Leading Role!
Adhd just means your reward mechanisms are not coupled to the tasks you need to do. Todays life requires too much of the same tasks, and if those arent rewarding to you you wont be able to focus and we will call you adhd. No dopamine, no norepinehrine, no epinehrine, with means no focus on the task. No positive emotion from the task, and no energy to do the task. You are not broken. Society is. I get you have to live. Use your anger at the state of affairs as a substitute, otherwise it will default to powerless anxiety. And get on stimulants if you can, they will give you the dopamine you otherwise cant muster
