Danish Sir he's 58 I'm 61 I don't look desperate I'm a up standing person He scared of Police I was Law enforcement iv made it known that made him very Humble I still am not buying what he is saling I believe no I know he is weak
You are so right about the Adrenal glands and Cortisol. My husband gave me Addisons disease. The constant stress wore my Adrenal glands out. Now I have to take meds for the rest of my life or I die, literally.
What's so weird about The Narcissist and their energy is that they just grind on and on and on and yet they tend to rarely accomplish much of anything except the creation of chaos and pain in everything they touch.
Spot on! The 78 y/o Malignant Narc across the street has been charging along for the last 30 years. Never seems to get sick (physically that is) and each day is his best performance harassing and attacking by proxy (flying monkeys).This individual is completely diabolical in his zeal to annoy and sabotage anything that moves without his complete involvement and control. I cherish the day I see the counties Coroners van across the street hauling his vile carcass away.
One thing you left out is that the narcissist also has an ulterior movtive for their non-stop restlesness and constant running to the point of exhaustion! It allows them to keep you completely off kilter. You can't think clearly when you're tired. You can't think clearly when you have no time to sit and reflect. You can't counter gaslighting or projection when you don't have a chance to think. It allows them to better control yoU!
My husband is like this. Always has to be busy, always has to have music on or the news blaring, talking on the phone. He doesn't even sit down to eat something. He mocks me when I need a nap, he says he'll rest when he's dead. Married for 34 years & I'm exhausted, mentally & physically. He thinks he'll be happy when, fill in the blank, currently, it's retirement, it used to be a boat or truck. He gets bored so easily I don't know how he's going to handle that. He just bought a new car, regrets it already. He says I'm not a go getter & he is. When I was a stay at home mom, he said he could do a much better job because it's not difficult. There is nothing that he isn't better at than me. Thank goodness for therapy, even though he thinks it puts ideas in my head & scowls at me for going. He acts as if everyone should be super busy & productive at all times & if you're not, there's something very wrong with you! What a way to live! Absolutely exhausting!
If he tells you you're not a go getter one more time, then tell him he better "go get" his checkbook for all those sweet, sweet hefty alimony and child support payments he's going to be making to you real soon💵 💵💵 "B!tch better have my money, pay me what you owe me😎 💍💔💰🎶You should know me well enough, please don't call me on my bluff😈. " ~Rihanna
I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. Please be careful of your energy level. I stayed home with mine two children too, for the most part. While I was never told that he could do better (that was not where he attacked - until later anyway after the discard) I stayed exhausted trying to be everything to everyone. He was never at rest, always into something but never actually completing or succeeding at much. Absolutely SOUL SUCKING because I never knew when we were going to get blindsided by some “undone” piece of business I trusted him with. I could not plan for myself because I felt like I always had to be sleeping with one eye open and always looking over my shoulder for the next piece of drama.
I have been running from my life till recently. Trauma, PTSD after the death of my brother. I couldn't stay still to be in touch with the fact that he is gone.
That’s what my ex was doing ALL THE TIME. Running from his miserable life. He was the most unhappy man I’d ever met after 5-10 yrs together but I stayed 30yrs !!!! 😢
Narcissist also love to pile your house with wall to wall furniture and other crap then blame you for not being able to keep all that crap clean and dusted off. On top of blaming you for not taking care of the kids, animals and any other burden they piled on your plate. And you didn’t even ask for half of it either. All the while they’re out fooling around.
So much stuff.. My mother is addicted to buying stuff on Amazon, but complains about the clutter in the house. She IS the clutter. It makes even cleaning the house so difficult because just in order to vacuum I have to pick up so much crap off the floor. As I’m cleaning she’s right behind me cancelling out my cleaning. It’s non stop and only increases. She’s so worried about being a “handmaid” that she never does anything around the house even though my parents divorced early and she’s never been a maid to a man. It’s like she takes out the pain she fears on me.
Yep! That's my mom! She has successfully filled 2 rooms in our house wall-to-wall with furniture, so much that nobody can get in comfortably. You have to turn sideways and scoot between 2 tables to get into our living room, because she keeps buying furniture but refuses to sell, donate, or throw away any old pieces! On top of all this furniture there are enough knickknacks and lamps to furnish 2 more houses. None of which anybody is allowed to use. If you so much as touch anything, even to try to clean up, she will fly into a screaming rage...
I also think they need to keep on the move, like a shark, to find their next victim. They do envy others for their peace of mind, contentment, which they lack. They will try to make you feel like you're boring because you don't need drama and won't provide them with drama they need.
I think my elderly covert narc mom could never sit down and have a conversation was because she feared confrontation. Any type of question was an attack to her.
Very very true. I always worked hard and I was told I was lazy. I was also told I was not a go getter or ambitious enough when all I did was strive to a point of fatigue. They are never content in the small things. Nobody needs their approval for their ridiculous demands! What they want for you is emotiona, mental, and physical slavery.
That is true, and one thing they forget when they call people lazy is that thinking, learning, writing or reading counts as activity. They only count running around on a hamster wheel as activity.
My ex slept until noon. I was up at the crack of dawn raising our children and doing everything else. As soon as I took a break the insults started. He had no interest in his kids or simple every day chores. Constantly told me everything I did was easy and not important. What a sad little boy he is. I'm so happy I divorced him and cut all ties.
@@Justwatching-q6s Unfortunately, I didn’t know what narcissism was. I was also spiritually abused. My former religion would not allow divorce except for adultery. But thanks to the Holy Spirit, I learned how evil my husband’s intentions really were. So we did break free from him 3 years ago.
I also noticed my narc mother would never walk beside me, even when it was just the two of us, she always walked ahead of me. I thought this, and her constant focus on non-stop menial tasks, was just her avoiding conversation...like she was avoiding any intimate interactions with me at all times.
She and I could be relaxing watching a movie on television and then suddenly get up and go out and start cleaning the pool at midnight. Of course, she would be agitated that I was sitting on the couch doing nothing. This could happen all hours of the day, where we could be watching television and then she would decide to go work in the yard and berate me for not doing something. It was exhausting just being with her.
Wonder if that's why my husband always throws it in my face during a rage that "I do nothing". Yet, our house is clean everyday, laundry done, dinner cooked homemade, pets cared for...etc. How dare I sit down and do my art or play video games during my down time
My husband does this. We plan to watch something then all of a sudden he has to clip his toenails, clean the dog's ears, go to the bathroom etcetera, the list is endless. Then he doesn't want to watch what we're watching and pick ten other things he's also unhappy with. They need distractions to avoid the shame of their own critical mind. They literally cannot stand themselves.
This is FACTS!! My ex 🐀 rat could never ever sit still! Constantly PACING back and forth! Constantly RUSHING me! Always in a state of movement. I hated it! We could never go out and have a nice dinner and a movie or go have drinks and dancing at a club.....ohhhh noooooo....he would plan 5 places for us to go back to back. I would be so exhausted and he was dying to control me every step of the way! Ohhh hell to the noooooo! That was the beginning of the END! Thank you, 💕🙏 sweet Jesus! Ohhh, I saw in the comments that someone mentioned music & TV blaring all the time.....that's how he would wake me up at 700 am on the weekends! Horrible evil twisted creatures! Apparently, a lot of narcissists do that...I had no idea.
This was eye opening! He cannot sit still. Something has to be moving. It's usually his foot that's crossed over his knee. And then he starts falling asleep. Especially when i start to talk and especially if it's something he doesn't want to hear. Then he'll jump up and say that he's falling asleep because he's just sitting there and it's my fault for keeping him there doing nothing. I tell him it's because he's tired and needs to rest. He'll just say "I'm not like you! I've got things to do!" Then he stays up late "doing things" and is tired the next day but still goes to work, comes home and does more work, tells me that he doesn't need help and he gets more done if I'm not around. Anything i try to do he runs over and says he'll do it (except washing the dishes lol). So i start something else and the same thing happens. He wants the credit for everything that gets done. It's his way of making me feel worthless. Then later he tells me that i don't do anything and he has to do it all. But like someone here said, he does all these things and mostly accomplishes nothing. Or creates a disaster. If i fix something and am proud of my work, he'll go and "fix it better". But that's not what happens. He ends up destroying it to where it's now unfixable and say "I was just fixing it better. These things happen. How else can you learn if you don't try sometime else?" He can't stand the idea of me doing something better than him. After 18 years of this bullshit he can call me lazy and do it himself! He's the one with all the energy anyway.
Mine drinks after working all day. Then passes out. In the weirdest ways, literally will lay there and groan and constantly move around. I've had to sleep with my child because he takes the whole bed. It's exhausting. Then tells me to get him literally everything. Because he works. Once he is finally asleep and I finally fall asleep, I'm out cold.
I slept practically for a whole year after my narcissist left… a lot of sleeping the 2nd year… it’s the end of the 3rd year (along with one and a half years of therapy) and I’m just starting to feel my own sense of self again. There has been so much trauma for my children as well… which has manifested differently for each child… and so grateful for a therapist who understands trauma and narcissism. Give it time… God made our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits to heal. These videos are great. Just understanding what has happened is very healing in itself.
Similar things here as well. It took me about two years to get the brain fog to dissipate to where I feel like I can think and function normally again. Unfortunately the PTSD and anxiety is still running off the charts too many days.
Thank you for sharing your story and experience🛐 That helped me today. God bless and keep you, and I'm SO GLAD that You were able to get away from this toxic person, and to sleep and heal. I am currently healing and resting from some things myself. Thank You God. 🌞🛐☦️🕎
My ex exactly except he wasn't materialistic, just a porn and sex addict. He also worked 6-7 days a week to escape the family duties. He was the only employee in a large corporation to work the hours he did because he didn't want to be a real father or husband. I divorced him after 23 years of trying and my kids had enough of him as well. I now have fatigue and an autoimmune disease, as well as insomnia and anxiety. I wish I would've left a long time ago instead of holding on to hope. You're right, they make you run all time, partly by competition and by making you do everything to run a home and keep the yard up. I also worked full time. My kids finally let him have it once they were older. He couldn't sit in silence, ever. Always on the phone, tv, gaming, work or would go to the gym for 4 hours. He'd remind there will always be prettier women then me, but he chose me and I'm lucky. Glad I left for my own peace and healing.
I am a stroke survivor, have a brain tumor and narcolepsy. I need to sleep a lot sometimes twenty hours a day. The narcissistic wanted to stay out all night every night on his birthday month. He is 35! Not a child. I could have died. I was lucky enough to recover from pralysis after five years from my last stroke. You gave me the strength to leave. I am so grateful and i hope you know the good work you are doing. I cant thank you enough
Wow! You nailed this Danish 🔨.. Spot On! 💯 I use to tell him all the time that he could never be satisfied. I literally told him many times, "I could hand over a million dollars to you, and you would not be satisfied." He would immediately want two million dollars! The man was impossible to please. You cannot please something that is never satisfied.. That Lesson has been learned! Never will I ever try to please these type of individuals ever again. It sucks the life out trying...
@@paula-pw7yd That is one of the most important lessons that I have learned from all of this. I've learned the hard way that I'm not responsible for someone else's happiness. It's their choice to make. They can make their life good, or bad. They can make it happy or sad.
The ex covert narc was the laziness person I’ve ever encountered. Called out of work a lot. Was always literally laying around. Especially when there were things to be done around the house. But constantly on his phone. Constantly.
Yeh I learned lots and lots the last 5 years on the subject... I like looking at the fact their are so many narcs in our population as a spiritual battle ...we must learn so much about our selves through our interaction with them ....The healing self acceptance and the discernment we must develope ...
I wanted to go to bed and he blocked me from my room. He projected onto me "no, no rest for you, you are pure evil and no rest for evil". It was a scary moment but the TV was on and distracted him. Thankful for that!!! Glad I'm away from that!
Another confusing thing explained. I never could understand why he had to have the TV on until he got sleepy enough instead of just going to bed and going to sleep
Not to be confused with ADHD. But if Narcissists are neurodivergent too, maybe this explains why so many ADHDers end up unhappy with a Narcissist. They feel attracted in the beginning because of some neurodivergent similarities and have trouble with resting, too. ADHDers are often people-pleasers and empaths which might make them a perfect "victim" to a Narcissist.
You are probably right. I have Add not the hyper kind but distraction. I just met a narcissist last week. He was all over the place and love bombing me till he was pissed off at something than pretending nothing happened and even apologizing which through me off. I avoided him completely than he realed me in again with non stop calling to make plans. I wasn’t feeling well but he insisted for me to get ready and take me out. Well I got stood up. I’m done it is so weird. Guess he got bored early. There other things but the man never would just chill ugh
I'm glad someone brought ADHD up. Some of these things could be confused with ADHD symptoms but the bigger picture is very different. I have inattentive ADHD but have a covert narc mom. We operate totally differently, not least, I have no desire to control others and have done the work in therapy to unlearn codependent tendencies.
i have adhd and my dad is a narc, i think its extroverted adhders that are like this.. ADD people who simply cant focus dont do this but then again i could be wrong. maybe narcs are different breed from adhd
very true. restless 3 years of my life. always was in constant anxiety and adrenaline. completely lost my self, my desires and what is important for me. truly narcissist can divert you from many important and quality things in life, destroy some rare chances for success and happiness, but in return you do get traumatized and scarred, but you do go into deep self-reflection and are pushed to grow by the force of the pain, shame and all the low feelings after the drama.
So very true! It's seems like a direct hit at a real women's genetic build. Studies show women need rest more than men. It has to do with the way our minds and bodies are wired. Every narcissist I knew and was around rarely allowed me to rest or sleep. It's literally devastating to realize you are in so much pain and confusion because of lack of rest. The narcissist will make noises on purpose. Stomping around, dropping things, closing doors loudly, moaning and groaning in their sleep, "accidentally" hitting you 😿 and literally saying you should get up. It's horrible 😖. I need my rest and I am so grateful I am not around a narcissist who can deprive me of my sleep any longer. HalleluYah ☺️🥰🤗
Spot on! I experienced the same thing which drove me mad. He couldn't walk around the house normally have to be stomping banging doors coughing snorting and talkin to me from another room when I wasn't in earshot demanding things then at night he would snore like a pig and move around like a rotisserie chicken then get up at the crack of dawn waking me up disrupting my raft.
I agree but want to add: They are running to try to keep everything together, all the lies the triangulation and the munipulation and avoiding reality. It happened with my ex on an even more massive scale as I got closer and closer to my awakening of what I was dealing with before I left him. It was like a dog chasing his tail.
Danish, I have listened to a lot of people on line that help with narcissism, but you are the only one that nails it every time! You truly are an expert on these people!!
100% agree. Listening to this is making all the sense in the world. Now I am understanding the whys to the behaviour I feel sorry for them. I am understanding behaviour listening to you but I don't understand the coldness.
Help with narcissism? Is the person actually diagnosed or are you self diagnosing. Yeah as if actually encouraging people with it to seek help instead of being a victim of a bad relationship
Years ago my husband pointed out the conversation between my mother and grandmother that was so strange to him. One would say she slept poorly only four hours and the the other world have slept worse only two hours. Even since my grandmother passed my mother has to announce regularly how little she sleeps as if she wins some weird awards for it.
My mum was with a narcissist for 10 years. When they first met she was outgoing and healthy. She developed COPD, a chronic lung disease & her health plummeted.. He left, but it's so obvious to me the frightening and damaging effect he has had... She seems to be mimicking his behavior and is a shadow of her former self.
Yes, they disturb your sleep, as they are up and active all the times of the night, most nights, and it really disturbs your own functioning. Yes instant gratification and impatience is very wearing on us. 👍
The funnniest thing in my case they are always loud and noisy when i am asleep on the morning during weekends but when i wake up they suddenly get silent ...
I'm currently watching this video on my couch at 1am bc the narc I live with is making all sorts of noise and moving around in bed. It's exhausting but as soon as I say it bothers me it's a fight. Funny how he'd flip his lid if he were trying to sleep and I was making noise....
@@karriebouissey8775 Yes they are very self centred and attention seeking, like young kids can be. We accept this is part of children's behaviour growing up, but not adults. Narcs are still children, they've never grown up ...
I thought I was bad having the habit of fidgeting. But when I met my now ex, before I found out she was a narc and we were still together, she would call me everyday keeping me on the phone for at least 3hrs., when I was around her, she was always doing something talking about getting things done and staying productive. I remember one night after running errands all over town together all day we had no plans. I just wanted to sit on the couch together, hold each other, talk, and enjoy each other's company since it was a long distance relationship, and I could only visit her once a month. She wasn't having that! She was constantly on her phone, then she leapt to her feet, pulled me to my feet and demanded that we cooked dinner together(since we had both been professional cooks) She wanted to see how well we worked in the same kitchen together. I wasn't even hungry yet! By the time I said anything, she had already written out a menu, had her car keys in hand heading out the door to get groceries🤯🤯🤯 It was a huge hassle. She was restless right up until the time it was time to sleep. and even in her sleep she couldn't keep still! She woke up in the middle of the night frustrated, took an edibles and kept me up by talking to me until the edible kicked in. In the morning, she woke me up with: 'I don't know how you can lie so still when You're sleeping' She often times shamed me for wanting to slow down and relax. Even after telling her that I just wanted quality time with her, and I can't do that when she going 1,000mph😆😆😆 I'm free of her now. and that's what matters
My narcissistic ex was 20 years older then me,he was 60. And it was like dating a 16 year old. He was always on the go doing something or buying something. His house was like a hoarders. I thought dating older would be great cause I'm a home body and don't do much but he couldn't sit still not to mention he couldn't sleep without a million sleeping pills and when I found out he was cheating it was like 10 different people .who has that much energy at 60. It's time to sit down somewhere and be at peace when your that age
I was so depressed with mdd that I had to take naps during the day. He called me lazy and he would say I wish I could rest during the day. I was sick and fatigue. Burnt out and I still had to left 300lbs and workout like an athlete. I was dragging my body to keep up and beat me down
So true My mother had me always cleaning the house feeding the dogs mowing the yard taking out the trash cleaning up dog poop and going shopping with her for clothes when I was young.. Then got me up on the weekend by 7 am to go to Piano lessons that I didn't even want to take for six years. Then I had school homework. I had no time for any school activities for myself because I was exhausted from my mother's activities she had for me to do for her.
It's so true. Living with a narc is exhausting. They are constantly busy. Especially partying with their friends. They want to be noticed and accepted. They love vacations. And will spend their money like crazy buying either want. And are very selfish. Love their own birthdays and want it to be a big deal. It's all about them.
They can't be alone with their own thoughts, it will drive them crazy and they will burst out in raging anger if they had to wait of have patience for too long.
My sister is a narcissist. She is never content, always looking for the next high from other people’s energy. Being content in your daily circumstances is a gift from our God.
That was so my life. It's taken me over five years to learn how to enjoy life and rest and learn who I am instead of being an extension of a narcissist husband that died from chronic illness, which left me so depleted I thought I had Alzheimers.
I'm 61 years old and still recovering from the abuse my covert narcissist step mom put me thru, I praise God I don't hate her but to this day when she calls I panic. I've been so sick for years with a broken nerves system, fibromyalgia and so many other things. I'm so grateful for professionals like you. I was going crazy about always having a messy room and could never understand why, now thanks to you I do, THANK YOU.
I'm 61 and I believe that my wife is a narcissist.After she called me a narcissist I knew she doesn't know what that word means so I have watched all the videos I can and basically found out my wife is the poster child of narcissism. She has been gone almost 6 months after I called her out for cheating.Ten years ago I cought her texting and seeing some guy after she lied about who he was. About a year ago I called her out again after I noticed a pattern. I told her I know you were with someone else,how could you do that and she says "Well you went to titty bars".Does that sound like a confession to you? Ten years ago I asked if that guy had sex with her and she said " No but I wanted him to" to me that was deflecting the truth and I believe she did. All I know is she left me without warning, without any contact and told the family and friends it was my fault. Worst thing I have ever been through in my life The pain was terrible. Then about every two weeks she would call and stomp on my heart and hang up. I would get a call and she knew I was crying and dying while she partied laughed and one time I heard a guys voice right next to her phone before she hung up.
@@velt7560 I can sense your hurt and The Spirit of God in me who helped me forgive prays to God The Father and our Lord Jesus Christ for you to put trust in HIM. Call out to Jesus to set you free my friend on my end I'm praying for you, really truly is not just words Jesus can restore your soul and help you forgive and mostly let her go completely and also stay away from her because she'll take you to your grave. Stay on your own, focus on your life with The Lord, read the bible, go for walks alone, find yourself and you will be happy again, bless you much from my heart.
We are the same age, so our mothers must be close in age too. I get this. Mine has the same effect on me. There are days when I lterally grind my teeth just thinking about having to talk to her. My dad passed away 6 mos ago and she is worse than ever. She's been ok lately, but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop with her. I try hard to appease her and keep the peace, and I mean HARD. Hugs and prayers for you.
When I let-go the narcissist, I spent almost 3 weeks dozing n sleeping long hours at any time of the day. I was exhausted! They intentionally keep you awake over nothing ,n yet during the devaluation, they easily sleep n even snore!
Exactly!! My stbx covert narc is always on the phone even he’s driving, always brakes sharply, as I knew he couldn’t take any criticism, I put my hands on the dashboard in order to show him it’s dangerous, but he never got it. When he discarded me, he said I was so disrespectful by doing this 😂😂😂. So you really can’t communicate with a narc even it’s constructive.
Everything, even an attempt to brace yourself for an abrupt stop, is an attack on their character. The mere implication of criticism is unbearable to them.
Wow I never knew this was part of my exes narcissism. He paces constantly, the name calling to me when i am not good enough. I can’t believe i went through 20 years of this before finally realizing what he was. EXHAUSTED is the word that describes being around him sucking the life out of me.
My parents are both like that, it's terrible to communicate with them. You can't really concentrate on any topic at all, everything gets confused all the time and the subject changes about every 30 seconds.. I try to avoid talking to them, because this is really exhausting, and it makes you feel worse
That was my life for 30yrs !!!! Been without them for 3 yrs and just now coming out of mind fog and getting rested. That explains why he never sit still EVER !!!! My life was hell
Thank you! After dealing with this in my family, once I left the mess, my adrenals were blown out. Now when I'm around toxic people I'm immediately exhausted. Like my body already knows this too well. This so makes sense. So if I understand this narcissists are in a consent state of escaping themselves by obsessing over chasing external simulation that leads to addiction.
Surpressed trauma is why I did drugs, drugs made me a hardcore narcissist and I was in a relationship with a narcissist who never did drugs, now I see everything for what it is. I still have to surpress my narcissistic behavior but it's not as bad as when I did drugs
@@aqdassyed6572 he might have narc like tendencies ik i had covert ones because of someone who is covert and around me, sometimes we start becoming like narcs if we are not careful. drugs also alter personality
@@thesevenkingswelove9554.. That is the goal of this present evil... To turn us ALL into narcs if not in soul than in mind and behavior. When 3/4 of the world are operating as narcs (whether actual or traumatized) this leaves us to believe this is life. It's not until we have this knowledge that we begin to make the distinctions. However, usually by that time the damage is done. Only GOD can first protect us from further damage but also restore what was damaged. The evils' objective knows that consequences for actions/behavior do not identify who is the literal narc and who is not... The repercussions will be the same. This is why some people mistake themselves as being the Narc because they face the same consequences as the Narc emotionally, mentally, psychologically and physically. We have literally through ignorance and learned behavior have taken on the way of the Narc. Part of healing is making the distinction.
As a former drug addict, that is the same issue as well. You become effectively a narcissist when you're addicted. Same set of character flaws. Dealing with the trauma was tough, but the drugs only made the trauma worse (in fact created most of it).
This is the part needing more consecrated discussion. When the Narc causes narcissistic behaviors in their victims. The trauma being undiagnosed and untreated for years will literally cause narcissistic behavior in the victim until the victim believes they are the problem. The victim will literally act out some of the same behaviors... With the only difference being when the victim is faced with the consequences of actions they aren't given the knowledge of what has really happened to them. This has likely caused many victims to just give up! Healing can only begin once the victim is aware of the root... Most clinicians and preachers point to the victim as the root causing more victimization. It's wild
Brilliant presentation and analysis, Danish, and I"ll be sharing this far and wide. Many victims blame themselves for feeling fatigued and confused when dealing with narcs and cannot identify the reason. My sister would threaten to buy a house every week, but after a few days grew bored and canceled the whole transaction, while the entire family had to hear all the details for hours. Congratulations on ur nearly 80K subscribers!!! You deserve that and more! 😇
My ex narcissist partner had an obsession with time. Keeping time was an addiction and obsession for him. If we planned a day out, or a holiday, everything was planned to the absolute second, and he would become very agitated, uncomfortable, and often, very angry, if his timeline, or timetable, was disrupted in any way. It was absolutely impossible for him to just go with the flow, relax, and be at peace. He was also totally uncomfortable just having a conversation. When I would try to have a pleasant talk with him, after no more than ten minutes, he would start to get very agitated and restless, and would actually walk away from me mid conversation. When I asked him why he did this he said he was bored. After a while he started to behave as if I wasn't in the room and would look through me as if I was invisible. I became terribly lonely and felt utterly dehumanised, not to mention the chronic fatigue I was now feeling from trying to make sure I never disrupted his timeline and schedule. I wonder if anyone else has experienced the narcissist's obsession with timekeeping?
I am lonely as hell with him after 39 yrs. I’m taking care of me now. Never a compliment. He’s stuck inside his trauma so now I’m letting him stay there. He smokes non stop. He drinks he doesn’t take care of himself. I’m planning my days without him. He would rather abuse himself now bc he can’t abuse me anymore. He chose the wrong person bc I was abused my entire childhood. Nope, not taking it from someone that claims, he loves me. That kind of love, I don’t need. i’m getting stronger every day. I know I’ll do what I want when I want and he’s retreated and is in his little rabbit hole I have sisters friends that I can make plans with to go out.
@@l.c838My husband does this. He has a natural propensity toward taking a long time to do anything, but he also uses it as a means of controlling others by making them wait.
@@nancyinthegarden3160My husband is at that point. He's chained smoked so much in the last few months it sounds like he has COPD now. When he has a significant amount of time off from work he attempts ro drink all day and rage in the evening. It's an absolute nightmare.
Everything you said is so true. Married 25 years now and sick with Lupus literally this man makes me sick. We're seniors now and don't have money or energy to go through divorce 😢
He never stopped talking, had chronic insomnia, and needed to have something going all the time. Was a constant shopper (obsessive), would text me at 3am, thought nothing of starting something at midnight, wanted to go out all the time but couldn't stay anywhere for long. Drove like a maniac too.
This describes my former best friend to a T. She was super successful because all she did was work. But she could never relax. Even if she wasn't working, she had to fill her life with activities. I loved her energy at first. But if I didn't want to join her I was lazy, boring etc. If I somehow "misbehaved" or did anything to her dissatisfaction, I was reprimanded as if I were a child. Of course that evolved over time. In the beginning she was fun and friendly. I finally walked away from that & don't miss her at all. But these people are so slick. I need to find out why I'm attracted to this sort of person. She is not the only narc I've had in my life
IT'S NOT YOU DEAR! One type "D" told me as she was trying to reform, that "She LOOKS for Nice type S or C people to "Take Over" and start "Making them do things for her or just giving them things are o do, Start running them around". She said she didn't have an end goal or date. She said she would just keep them busy doing her stuff, then belittle them if they stopped. I TRIED to hide my disgust. She said she never cared if they Ever got back to focusing on their own life GOALS. She ALSO, sd. She LOVED doing it! This was in a D-I-S-C class +20 yrs.ago. She said "Nice people with such disdain". 😮 If you see someone who is a "Kill, Steal, Destroy or Waste" type of person. bible says that's satans characteristics. Hope this Helps!
Spot on! I am staying with my brother and his wife and they are non stop going morning until late at night. I feel Them looking at me like I am lazy for not running like them. I don’t know how they keep going like this!
So true! My ex was always pacing the floor & had to have a 3 ring circus at all times or else he would lash out! He was many things you described, but he was also a thrill seeker…driving erratically, and taking other risky behaviors, and just being very immature & reckless. He was always bored!
Oh my… my ex narc used to say that he had ADHD, triple D. We could never have a relaxing weekend morning. It was always go, go, go. I came to dread when he came home, and would jump up to look busy. He also found ways to deprive me of sleep. Thank you so much for clarifying this Danish!
All the books that I have read, all the knowledge & experience I have accumulated through my 58 years of life have not helped me as much as the lessons that taught me in the past one year. I won't be able to thank you enough for this enlightenment &insight. I just wish if had someone in my early life to pour such wisdom into my brai😔😔😔🙏🙏🙏😢😥😓
This video brings an interesting perspective that rings true and at the same time seems to be a tell tale sign of the narc personality. They never sit still long enough to self reflect. They keep busy to avoid themselves.
Yep...almost ran myself to death. Can't get sick either, I wasn't allowed. Living on the edge is hell. After 2 weeks after my ex was arrested for spouse abuse I felt like I was in heaven. Beautiful, warm peaceful heaven!
Working with a narcissist that needs his ego stroked constantly and always disappears when work needs to be done, yet tells everyone how much he does, even though he really does very little. And the lies get twisted after a while and most don't notice it. The constant bragging is also annoying. I don't understand living this way.
OMG, so true! If I ever suggested something spontaneous, I'd get put down for not planning. But he can pick up and go on a vacation on a moment's notice!
I'm going to have to give a training class to my office within the next month or two. There is a particularly nasty narcissist in my office. So, I think I'll begin the training class with SEVERAL moments of silence for everyone.
It is true. When the relationship with a narcissist is over, we need a lot of rest. We need peace and quiet , self care, self love, self compassion and patience.
I want to thank you for helping give me the strength to leave a narcissistic relationship. I had been jn a narcissistic relationship before but a different kind. I kept fooling myself. I almost didnt leave and it was like each video ive watched of yours described the type of narcissistic i was with. To make it worse i immigrated to another country and was all alone and felt so stupid. I was so alone. You probably saved my life. Thank you so much you are doing the work of God
I have an extremely evil overt narcissist sister, a violent malignant narcissist father and a covert narcissist mother🐉🐉🐉They all think I am an extension of themselves either as a literal punching bag, a play thing they can emotionally abuse and an idiot🎯I grew up being used and abused and I felt that I was completely misunderstood and severely undervalued🫀But now I am an empath, i follow my gut and I feel sorry for my family, but not sorry enough to let them devour me anymore🏖️
I deal with all this in my workplace. I tell my mentally destroyed coworkers that they are getting spun like a basketball on the end of the narcissists finger. My workplace has been destroyed. I’m actually waiting for my workplace to mechanically shut itself down. 16 miles of Machinery doesn’t care about narcissism. I am near retirement. I can leave any day I want now. So I’m just enjoying the show. Blessings for you Danish,and everyone here. Smitty
I grew up in a family like this. Dad was up and going all day every day yet most of what he did didn't really accomplish much of anything. Anything worth doing was usually done in the least efficient way possible even when a better way was right in from of him.
This is a good video but I couldn't show it to the narc in my life because she uses work to not sit still rather than materialistic stuff and so she would just say this doesn't apply to her.
My husband, James has a 74-y-o male first cousin I'll call "Bob," who we have come to believe is not only a narcissist, but also bi-polar. Back in May, 2022, James brought Bob to a tradeshow in Orlando, FL with him so that "Bob" would have the opportunity to network and finally get a longstanding project of his off the ground. The two men shared a motel room together to split expenses. James was exhausted from the very long drive across Florida and had been looking forward to getting a good night's sleep. To his horror, Bob either could not or would not sleep. Bob actually broght with him a shofar, which is a ram's horn that some Jewish people still blow during religious celebrations, as done in ancient days. It makes a loud noise, like a very obnoxious horn. Bob blew his shofar in the motel room at about 3:00 a.m. and began to sing and pray extremely loudly; oblivious to the fact that other people in adjacent rooms had paid to get a good night's sleep. My husband was grateful that he and his cousin were not evicted, but he was both horrified and annoyed. He has vowed to never take that person anywhere with him, ever again.
He kept pushing me all the time. He never rested as far as riding my back, but he was the laziest sb as far as accomplishing anything for this family. Yes, he was on that phone and busy constantly scheming.....He laid his lazy butt in front of certain cop showes scheaming my demise. True he couldn't sit and relax and enjoy family. He definately ran after alcohol. It finally reaped its own justice. What's it called when they play victim and convince everybody that its you who is the narcissist? Even had me doubting myself except I knew I loved and deeply cared for others. He poisoned my children's minds and took what I treasured most in life 💔💔💔💔 He died considered a ledgend and his hate still lives on in his flying monkeys and everyone he worked with. God took care of me and still does. I always worked hard on my on and being pushed for 40 years was completely exhausting.
Wow it sounds like me except my eldest son lives here with us. He is getting a front row seat on how my husband treats me. He can’t understand his Dad. He’s really observant and comes to me about his Dad. I’ve bc a drinker now bc it’s easier to escape the chaos, his recluse ways keep me looking for company. Last Sat night I was so tired, bored hungry so I stopped to get a sandwich at a pub we like. I ordered a glass of wine and decided, why go home, he’ll be sleeping. I enjoyed half of the sandwich while people were singing to karaoke. I asked a woman to sing with me. I requested, Girls just want to have fun. All the women in the place came in the floor and sang and danced. If my husband were there, he would have been bored bc it wasn’t him. Sad the way life turns out. I’m going to live my life around him
My narcissistic mother could never relax, and she complained if any of us sat down for one second. She kept busy to avoid everyone, and it made her envious to see any of us relaxing. There was no peace in the house.
It’s never enough not matter how much you do. 23 years together with my narcissist husband. I’m called lazy always belittling you. I’m learning 18 years married. Programed worker works 65 hours a week. Silicone mode we stay in cause I stoped feeding him with supplies of arguing or caring cause yes it’s draining. Staying calm not supplying no more. ❤
Fantastic! As they age supply is tougher to retain and to also find new supply in "new" people. Additionally, the threshold of divergence is very high by this time. The devious nature gets worse and into new venues for the narc.
My Nex and I used to just sit down watching a movie and after about 30 minutes, he would get up and go in the kitchen or go do something else. He just couldn’t sit still, focus and pay attention to one thing for too long. It was like he would get bored easily or like he had Adult ADD. He loved to bid for electronic devices on eBay. He LOVED to shop, gamble and play online games. Sometimes when we were together he would shake or shiver. I would ask him if he was chilly or cold. He would tell me he was nervous. I would be like What?!? Why are you nervous and we’re just sitting here chilling out? It was SO WEIRD! He also had sleep apnea, would snore like a fckng wild pig, and would almost NEVER sleep through the night. He would wake up at 2,3, 4am and play games on his phone, get on his laptop, watch TV, want to have sex, want to talk…and he really didn’t care if I got any sleep or a good night’s rest. FCKNG Weirdo!
Danish I must say you're an expert in this field. Each and every word that you said I can relate to with my ex . He was exactly what you described and would call me lazy if I took a small evening nap due to tiredness after working all day.
Mine was a slightly different version..always pushing me for promotions I didn't want. Her applying for promotions for me saying I wasn't ambitious when I already had a break down in that position. Due to situations out of my control I couldn't do the job for a extra 4 k a year..when I was very ambitious and comfortable as a sous chef at quite high level. Everything else was spot on as usual..most insightful guy on RU-vid in my opinion. Seeing how she has used her child against me is sick and took Everything I owned including the my car and clothes and left me on the street after 7 years. And fought a custody battle to keep her child for 5 years costing me well over 30k, 18 trips to Bulgaria for the court over 4 years and then cheated many times I found at the end...disgusting human I could ever have met.
I am so glad that I found you! I have been married for over 30 years, was depressed, my adult children don't like their father....he is a narcissist....now I know!!!!!
Thank you Danish. I was married to a narc although I didn't know anything about narcissists at the time. 30 years later I rent a room from a big time narc. This guy always walks in circles and drinks heavily along with drug and food addictions. I struggle with not losing my temper with his disgusting behaviours and habits. I appreciate your videos.
My neice is a narcissistics your vedio have me understand her. She is very angry now and takes her angry out on me so I don't fall for rude remarks. Just pretend want she says doesn't bother me works very time.
Dinesh, I like all your videos but this one is so good that it made me laugh out loud. I was married to someone like this for 11 years. The overwhelming feeling I had the entire time was that of exhaustion. This video explains so much !!
Excellent episode. “My” narc dude was exactly like this. Running all the time restless through life. No willing to enjoy the moment, all the time thinking about the next step, the next move, the next project. He moved from Germany to the States 17 years ago and the American “System” of restlessness seems like to be the best way of life for him (and his poor wife a text book co dependent ) Poor people …
