Why We Sometimes Don't Feel 'In The Moment' 

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God, even my feelings are procrastinating.

I have this issue with receiving gifts. I am grateful for the gift, but often times the gift-giver is expecting more of an emotional reaction from me than I provide.

People from the School of Life: I LOVE YOU!!! And I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR YOUR EXISTENCE!!!

The very reason I hate celebrations, birthdays, weddings or any formal occasion really. You're always expected to feel a certain way and to behave in a certain manner, when in reality you never feel like it. You're tired, sad, depressed and anxious, but no one cares as long as you're there.. and you make sure to put the brightest smile on your face. It hurts cause you feel very fake and insincere towards others, even more so cause you're not being true to yourself. I really do wish we could embrace this diversity of minds and chaos of emotions, and be more understanding when people, in fact, don't give us a reaction we normally expect; or allow them not to come when they don't feel like being there. PLEASE! make that happen.

The problem is... it's not 'sometimes' anymore. It's actually most of the time now, wherein I just don't feel anything at all. I hate it.

Can I hire you as a narrator of voices in my head? 💜 They would be far less mean.

this wasn't exactly about what I thought it was going to be, I thought it was going to be about the feeling that at certain events the present feels like it'ss not happening to you, that it's "not real", that it's like "a movie" and you feel detached. it has happened to me a lot, and on different kinds of events, from job interviews to parties. I remember being there, but I didn't "feel" like I actually was there and the thing actually happened to me. I remember it in the same "external" way I remember a movie or a book, not like "real things that feel like they really happened to me". I don't know how to explain it better.

"It all started in early childhood..." is how all School of Life videos seem to start

"It's our expectations, not our emotions that is at fault." - Yup.

Now whenever I am going through an emotional crisis, I tend to ponder or selftalk in the narrator's voice in my head. It might not help to solve the problem but surely calms me down enough to think about the solution.

does anyone else here regognize the phenomenon called depersonization. the thing where say at a party you suddenly go blank. like a machine that runs out of code. then you feel like time goes on without you and you cant really enjoy the moment anymore. being drunk boosts it often in my experience

We live in a world where people want you to act or react according to how they are feeling or trying to feel. I'll admit that I don't like being around anyone who is always sad or mad because it'll throw me off my happy vibe. I also can't be around someone that is only positive to the point that they are clearly faking it.

I think having low expectations in regards to the emotions we will feel is good for making us take steps towards our goals. High expectations in regards to our emotions can lead to disappointment.

Happy birthday dearest School of Life! I am writing exactly at one past twelve:- ) Thank you so much for the 640 life changing lessons you have offered to us, for the wisdom and clarity you keep bringing into our lives, for all the beautiful art work in your videos, for Alain's wonderful and truly consoling voice which became a part of our inner world and for creating such a beautiful community here where we feel that we really belong. Many kisses and hugs!

Thank you for this video. I am very detached from my positive feelings, at least in the moment I am supposed to feel them, and often get the feedback that I do not function right. That I am weird and something is wrong with me. Or the other person involved thinks I am sad or ungrateful or arrogant and our relationship is tainted. And thus I get even more detached based on those negative reactions. It's a downward spiral that started in early childhood. I am really thankful for this video

I feel like the School of Life always releases a video about a certain topic exactly when I'm thinking about that topic. Just me?

I don't feel like taking in this video, internalising it and learn from it right now

I really needed this , I've always felt like I never feel anything completely I always be distracted on why I'm not feeling the moment wether it's sad or happy and be constantly overthinking the thought of why I'm not feeling the moment

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I swear School of Life reads my mind.

What the heck?! Why does this video seems talking about me? How does it get on point? I'm having a goosebumps. Thank you School of Life for the learnings! As always, this channel is amazing! 😍😍😍

i suppose i wish i was more sensitive and emotional when it comes to the occasion. One night I broke down in tears after years of never crying. that gave me a huge sense of empathy for anyone who cries these days.

After the death of my grandfather (who had cancer and was in extreme pain before dying), I said to my father (who lost his father) that this death is not altogether bad, at least grandfather is free of pain and suffering. But my dad started screaming at me that I shouldn't say that because that is just not something you say when people die. It was and still is quite confusing that with all of our free speech and open-mindedness we still have rules and taboos on what we are allowed to feel and say in certain situations. And if we cannot even accept ourselves as a person with feelings that might not be perfect for the occasion, how can we accept other people...

Sometimes it makes sense for it to be socially unacceptable to completely lose control over your emotions... it would be awkward seeing people raging and crying hysterically in the street. We need some semblance of peace and stability, even if that peace comes from pushing down our TRUE feelings. Gonna go cry into a pillow now.

I never felt upset when my grandad died and I felt guilty because I loved him but i didn't cry or feel sad.

some times others just force us to pressure ourselves to the breaking point after which ... we simply go numb emotionally. nothing anymore is worth anything anymore. sadness is just the lack of a brain dopamine doze and there is no reason to be happy crying should ease sadness but there are no tears to drop anymore anger is the result from pressure and stress yet there is no point for it anymore fear is the main defense system mechanism to trigger our natural flight flee or freeze yet survival is not a priority anymore. when you are beyond you threshold it means whoever forced you to reach this point now created a solid walking corpse. you feel no happiness, no sadness, no anger, no boredom, no lonely and no need for partners. existing in itself becomes pointless. the living are dead more than the dead in their own graves. when you reach that point ... no more smiling or laughter , no more tears shed over anything, no joy in doing anything, no hunger or thirst for anything no desire to hold into anything or getting rid of anything. you have been pushed so hard your nerves capacity to keep you "feeling" human had died. and it's not your fault either it's those around you whom are at fault. so not living in a moment where you "should be" feeling something is justify able because simply put you were deprived of the right to feel anything in exchange for "never appreciated" hard work and success. you reach your old goals and become what you always wanted to be yet .. it's pointless all of it. you can never bake a cake to the point of its burning and then eating it when it became nothing but ash. you may bake the perfect cake and add to its its perfect toppings but once you bring it to yourself it will never be what you had expected because all the work you put into it , is simply put not worth it. small victories do not matter as long as they simply fade away. what matters are the permanent victories.

I cried when my grandad died last year but now thinking back I just laugh about it. I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday and I don’t feel anything at all. My mom was diagnosed with severe lung cancer two months ago and I don’t know how to react to that either. I don’t cry about it and I don’t seem to even feel sad. It’s absurd and messed up, that’s why I need an explanation for my inappropriate reactions and feelings because those are people very close to my heart, people I love..

I want to hear this guy's voice all day.

The great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in this, that men and women, freed of all false feelings and reluctances, will seek each other not as opposites, but as brother and sister, as neighbors, and will come together as human beings.

Your channel and content is slowly but surely helping me to identify the pieces, pick them up and make them whole again. Words do not nor cannot do justice for how much you've helped me grow as a confused individual. I love you guys keep doing what you're doing Love from Perth :)

One that always gets me about funerals is that I have no belief in an afterlife so therefore it is the end for the person who has dead, yet the people who do believe seem to mourn more and because of their belief I would have thought at least for them the essence or soul has survived so they will meet again at some point and death is not final.

Past Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes.

i just found this channel and all i can say is: where have you been all my life

This explains so much in my life. I feel out of touch about 80% of the time. These videos have helped so much especially during the lockdown, I have learnt to lean in and experience my emotions.

I have my moments of "not feeling" when I enter family arguments or talks over serious matters. I have found it useful to keep a cool head while everyone else is angry or upset.

I don't say this much but I love you all from The School Of Life! It's like somenone is finally there to give answers to all uncertainties of my life. I feel accepted. Thank you for what you do.

I think a major cause of this is worrying too much about the future and or not letting go of the past. The day I stoped following my ego is the day I felt I was living in the moment. Life is a gift so enjoy it! Yesterday is history, tommorow is a mystery and uncertain but today is the present. Live on the moment and enjoy it to the fullest!!

I grew up on a farm with lots of animals so it was normal when one of them died, but now I have a very hard time feeling much when anyone I know dies because it's always been normal for me. I know this will be lost in the comments, but this video felt spot on.

A lot of humanity in your videos, I find it quite comforting

This man's voice is so good! Best book on being present = Power of Now book.

Yoga has taught me to feel as I do. It is imperfect, but works.

I loved this! This answered many questions and insecurities I've had in many situations especially understanding others and I think this will really help me in respecting others' feelings or lack there of. Thankyou schooloflife ! :)

My goodness I loved this video. This channel is amazing! Such a healthy and meaningful string of videos for our modern age.

This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you!

It's all in your head! If you think your not feeling in the moment is because your making yourself! Tell yourself I'm living in the moment and emotions also are a major part!

Thank you ! The school of life , you make wonderful videos !! I really find your content very touching and impactful ! I find that you people are doing a great , by helping people sail through things in life , that they find perturbing and puzzling . Please keep doing so ! Cheers !!

This article had helped me through a hard time So thank you who is making the video of it

This is exactly how i feel on my birthday, nothing bugs me more than being expected to feel or react a certain way because its the social norm, i tell people not to get me anything and to not make a thing of it, but then when they inevitably do, they look angered or offended that i'm not prancing around like a 5 yr old that's just been told they are going to disney world. Fake it to fit in, or stay true to yourself, what does one do?

I am practicing to feel my own emotion and acknowledge that. It’s difficult after neglecting it since my childhood. But now I am getting. Only difficulty is that it’s hard to be understood by others. People acquired it without struggles that I just cannot say “I’m practicing how to connect to my emotions”

Tbh I thought I was the only one who felt this way. That I was weird or a freak for not feeling “in the moment” alotta the time. Depression doesn’t help.

So very true. Thank you for giving it words.

2:10 I love how he described being on holiday...

very well put, thank you for making this video

guys i finally found my second family that are you .. i am not feeling alone any more and now i can express y feelings probably i will find a dear friend here and the talk will begin luv all of u

ohmygod thanks for this. I thought I was the only one feeling like this all the time

This is deeply calming in a mysterious way

Great video, as always, but I have to say, this voice gives me best Asmr, really, the narrator has the best diction I've ever heard ❤️

I've always been slow to adapt to the outside world and as a defensive mechanism tend to go inside my shell first before coming out and examining the situation when others are too busy to watch.

the illustration is so beautiful

This nice vid made me feel less ackward and gave me permission. Thxs for it! 💕

Profound thoughts and rare pieces of advise you don't find elsewhere. Keep up the good work 👌

What a lovely video. Thank you for sharing this. I needed it.

I find that taking up meditation was really helpful in being mindful and living in the present.

Lovely video as always!!!

sometimes i feel like this channel is teaching me how to eventually be the greatest mom ever

Love your channel, so sincere and true!

I love these videos! Good job.

Love his voice and forever indebted to your teachings and perspective :)

great video, I always wondered about this, thankyou!

the animation of this video is amazing

Where did you get that power to know these truths? Amazing

There is a time for EVERYTHING, weep, rejoice, embrace, search, mend etc... A TIME FOR EVERYTHING. Enjoy the ride. 🛴

Wow thanks for the video

Your videos always come at the perfect time

Awesome and enlightened video

Wow thank u this bring me peace 🥰

very interesting, very useful, very relatable. Know i know a lil bit more how to respond to those type of feelings. thank you!

I LOVE this channel

I freaking love this channel!

So, is not just Me? What a realive!! It s normal for my feeling to be late.

This one, I listened to it three times!

my family puts this kind of pressure on me constantly, as i don't immediately react to life events (holidays, births, deaths, etc). their expectations are so high because they tend to do the opposite, and over-attribute importance and overreact to some of these (birthdays especially). It's pushed me away from them over the years and now i dread events with them. I think they find me to be some kind of unfeeling monster, but the truth is it takes me a while to process things, and I have a lot of walls up from childhood on. I've never heard this summed up so perfectly as in this video.

This is great, thanks 👍

I totally feel this often the times. the "not feeling the right feelings at the moment", but felt it after or sooner. :( being branded as Killjoy in the group because I do not conform to their likes and feelings at the moment. Now, I understand more. Thank you!

Thanks, just thanks

I resonate with this video. Thank you.

Silly regrets I had...thank you 'The School of Life'

Beautiful video.

Thank you.

Being in the moment all the time is a really big challenge, especially when someone has things to worry about. That's why it's easier to be in the moment as a child. As an adult, there's a lot more you have to worry about in life and it just allow it to suck us in out of the moment.

You have made my life b better thank you

2:06 The car is either going backwards or the doors open the wrong way. Very distracting!

So I am pleased that I am faithful to myself 😌

again, thank you

i used to not understand how some people can tear up so quickly from a sad story or be so happy from seeing something they like. I rarely 'feel' when im supposed to, but recently (since at least 5 years) I met a girlfriend whom I can be totally vulnerable to, for the first time in what feels like forever, I cried in tears while telling her I love her the first time. It is as if years of suppressed emotions finally decides to let loose, removing the 'hide' for once as described in the video... good video. I wish I can feel more but i guess this is part of being an adult in todays society?

Could you maybe make a video about feeling too much if you have not yet? Cause I struggle with that a lot and your videos always help me understand whats going on better :)

On top of that, if someone knows that they are not feeling or behaving in a social situation the way that they 'should', it can exacerbate the 'not-being-in-the-moment' by way of firing up the self criticism.

jesus, goose bumps watching this video

This is brilliant info. Well done! Posting it far and wide....

it's very unusual to see people think of our reactions the same like others in occasions or in part in our lifes cause the past is the reason that builded our personality which rule over our feelings towards them.