As a practicing marriage and family therapist, the husbands are sometimes, if not often, blindsided by their wife initiating the divorce. I see the sin of grudge holding in a lot of wives (husbands too) and they refuse to talk about it with their husbands. I will say that a lot of husbands are a little at fault because they are so emotionally unaware of their wives, but a lot of wives fail to confront their husbands even if he regularly checks in with her. Also a lot of women give off the impression that they expect their husband to fulfill needs that he can’t and is not meant to fulfill. A lot of couples I work with I can tell rather quickly they won’t make it and will drop out of counseling because they refuse to forgive and work through hard emotions and take responsibility for their own sins.
If personal happiness is the highest goal, then maybe husbands fail to appeal emotionally to a wife's perceived needs to be happy. But if HOLINESS is the goal, then a wife will focus on being her husband's help-meet and submitting to his headship. If holy living does not foster joy in a woman, it just could be that her love for Christ is as cold as her love for her husband. It has always been true that it is difficult to serve two masters. Pick a lane, self or Christ. Serving a husband is serving Christ because He made you two into one, and He has delegated His direct authority through the husband. Divorce is apostasy both etymological and typicalogicly.
@AurumButterfly Abuse is subjective - A Husband simply saying No to his wife is all of sudden Abuse now.... About 50 percent marriage ends in Divorce in America - If men where abusing their wife's in America that much - Women would not marry period AT ALL - The marriage rate would be ZERO if 5 in 10 women were abused. If you talk to divorce lawyers they tell you the number one reason is Both parties just have irreconsible differences they can't get passed so Divorce. Women File first because it's a power move to stop assets from being drained or moved
I wish the church would address the issues better. The only community even talking about this stuff is the blackpill/MGTOW etc. Their problem is they don’t offer a legitimate solution.
I briefly dated a girl a few years ago who bragged about beating up her ex boyfriend. The story she told me of what she did to that guy put a rock in my stomach so I blocked her on everything.
As one who has been in abusive a relationship I have noticed in my church experience. From time to time at maybe once a year hearing a preacher be that on radio tv or in church something about women need to drop that looser of a boyfriend who is beating the crap out of them and rightfully so i totally agree. I never heard anything about it a guy dumping the losses of a girlfriend who is abusive.
I’m starting to see more reasons for prenuptial agreements if you are a man in this country. It protects your assets if you’re financially well off, it makes the woman in your life realize what she will lose if she misbehaves, and it allows the man to maintain himself long after suffering a horrible relationship.
You are right. I think somehow it needs to be made obligatory because if it's not obligatory the wife-to-be can feel herself singled out in an unusual way.
That why, back in the day, a two year engagement was highly suggested. Two years would effectively shake out the "weirdities" of a person. Today, it's good looks, "boogie" time, then the wedding. " Prenups" are for the foolish who jumps into a marriage right after "the night before". I would tell those who were in divorce mode, "You didn't know to whom you married? Did you make yourself a liar at the altar?"
Regarding women being abusers, the first time I spoke with my husband's ex (during a phone conversation), the first thing out of her mouth was, "Have you slapped him yet?" And then she said, "He's a good guy. He's very loyal."
Fwiw physical abuse that forces the other partner to separate and can’t be reconciled is sexual immorality and justifies the abused person to divorce. Why? Because the Bible commands sexual intimacy unless there’s been mutual consent to separate FOR FERVENT PRAYER, and so unrepentantly refusing to abide by this is sexual infidelity and breaks the marriage covenant
@Tiffany Daniel That is only partially true. Yes, when feminized men exalt the desires, opinions, concerns, and priorities of women above scripture, then men are absolutely making the woman into a god. This is WRONG, and we as men need to REPENT from it.. I agree with you; however, when women decide in their hearts to abort their children, and divorce their husband on unbiblical grounds (lack of leadership) because their husbands refuse to worship them then the women is making herself into a god in these situations as well because it boils down to female function, human life, marriage, wife function and family on her terms not God's. Both men and women support feminism. You seem to imply that only men are responsible for feminism and not women at all...correct me if I am wrong..
Discontent => victimhood => power. Women are encouraged to be ungrateful to acquire leverage to power. Being happy with a husband is the equivalent of Stockholm syndrome, according to feminist ideology.
It’s misleading. About half of first time marriages in the U.S. are likely to survive at least 20 years, but college-educated women have an almost eight-in-ten chance of still being married 20 years later. Source: Pew Research ‘the link between a college education and a lasting marriage’.
My wife left me because she wasn't happy and felt emotionally abandoned. I get it, and I am definitely responsible and sinned by neglecting my relationship with her, but she did too. And she didn't make a solution, she just made the problem bigger.
@@christianmama2441 I'm sorry to know that. May I respectfully ask what did you do before he fell into sin? We men do fall short sometimes, I recognize, we are weak in many ways. But may I ask?
@@christianmama2441 It's sad how sometimes men fall into sin and refuse to see. Don't worry, I'm sure he sees where he is, but we men live in denial until we decide to open our eyes. On the other hand, I was sure you were going to start saying "I didn't do anything", and then continue with what he did, and never tell me what you did before his fall. Regardless, I thank you for this sad story, wish you and your kids the best, plus I wish your ex husband comes back to the Father. Jah bless!
As the Head of the family it wasn't your exwifes responsibility to make a solution. As the Christian head of the family YOU are the one whose supposed to made a Godly solution so you can Love your wife the same way Christ loved the Church and act on the reasons why she was unhappy and felt emotionally abandoned. Based on your comment you expected your wife to take headship which would explain why she divorced you in the 1st place. There is no headship without responsibility. God went to Adam 1st and said to Adam what have YOU done even though it was Eve who ate the fruit 1st. As head of the family YOU allowed your exwife to make the problem bigger by neglecting your relationship the same why Adam allowed Eve to eat the forbidden fruit right in front of him and just like Adam you suffered the consequences of not taking Godly responsibility in headship as a husband. Jesus didn't wait for the Church to find a solution to its sin, he acted on a solution for the Church's sin by dying on the Cross. The reason you're divorced today is because you acted like the 1st Adam when you should have acted like the 2nd Adam Jesus. God Bless
When my wife and I were dating, she hit me-slapped me-during a disagreement. I didn’t say a word, but turned and left. She called me apologizing and it was at that moment that I told her that I would not ever lay a hand on her in anger, but if she EVER hit me again we were through. Over the years, she would continue to hit me on occasion, on the arm, and a few years ago, I reminded her of what I told her that day. Since then she has not hit me anymore.
Screw that, the only thing I disagree with Joel is the not touching a woman. You hit me I am hitting back, don't care if it's a woman. A person has the right to defend themselves FROM ANYONE. Equal rights, equal lefts.
I love guys like you and Doug Wilson and Jeff Durbin, and others who are really pushing for men to be married and even in Doug's Case define manhood by being a husband or being mariagable material despite this issue not because of it. You can talk from sun up to sun down about submission and responsibility but as long as we dwell in the flesh (which apart from it marriage is done) as long as we are in the flesh, legally by society, men have no real power and you are in truth submitting yourselves to the faith of your spouse because as soon as she is willing to use the courts and police against you, your power is done over and you are at her mercy. This is why I remind as many people as I can that marriage is a concession not a command and singleness is better if you are willing to be celebrate according to scripture. Marriage when it is blessed and Godly is wonderful but especially these days- a good spouse who can find? I get the sense that many I otherwise would agree with would have the church spread through nepotism rather than re-birth through hearing the gospel, repentance and faith as our Lord commanded and this is not good if at all true.
WCF 24 is very helpful. Only marry someone who is socially pressured by their church family to stay married and understands that without Biblical cause for divorce, they will be excommunicated and lose all their friends and family. That kind of pressure works on women.
Society AND the Church NEEDS to cater to men far more than women. When men benefit from their environment and upbringing, the women are better off, children are better off, and society is far better off. When you cater to women more, just look around at what happens afterwards.
Maybe "to cater" is not the accurate term, but we all agree that when men are in charge and are given the recognition and ultimate purpose they crave, they become better, and society becomes better.
@@aramisy.cajigas744 when men are in charge society becomes better because men are getting to do their "ultimate purpose" of being in charge? This is all so laughable.
There is no question that in the American church women have been given a free pass. Men can't sin but women can. I think part of the reason for this free pass is pastors who are afraid to call out sin in the women in their congregations because they fear the women.
It's good to hear I'm not the only one. I start to wonder if I was or I was over thinking. Thank you Pastor Joel for this. I was abused at times or framed or hurt with words more by women than men. Even some Christian women hurt me with words. The one reason men don't say or report this is because they will be not the victim but the woman. People don't believe men are the victims as well. I had one girl in middle school knew an old friend of mine had black out anger, she injure herself and blamed him for hurting her. He was with me the whole time. Sadly they believed her and not my friend including to have a witness with him. I've heard men said they didn't want to call the cops on their gf, wife or exs because the cops will believe them more. Also teachings in men's Bible study one series said that we the men the husband are the threat. What!? I guess we forgot about Jezebel or the Potiphars wife. This is a serious issue and could be a reason why some men are still single. That's my thought though.
Seriously look into what the bible says whom you should marry. Don't get blinded by feelings. Then maybe the probability real Christians will marry real Christians will increase.
Maybe one reason men don't initiate divorce is because the family court system might as well have written above their doors "Men: Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here". What man would initiate divorce and voluntarily enter into a system that seems designed to rake him over the coals and be as unfair as humanly possible? Better to bear those ills we have than to fly to the desolation of a divorce settlement that has him seeing his kids rarely, if ever, and handing the lion's share of the fruit of his labors over to his former wife? Even if she is physically abusing him. I have long said that men suck at marriage. Women suck at marriage too, they just suck at it in ways that are socially acceptable and that pastors won't confront.
Since men have the financial and physical upper hand, the court system is set up that way to discourage men from giving their wife cause to divorce them.
Some women I know were the bread winners and still wanted to leave. I think if you set a system so that a person (man or woman) wins everything or loses nothing, you’re incentivizing one gender to be selfish, which no human needs anyway. I think if you marry a woman who is honest and truly loved God enough to suffer for his word, you’ll be ok.
Often women who are breadwinners, or even who just make a more equal share of the household income, have a much harder time in marriage. A study in 2019 which looked at over 6,000 heterosexual American couples over a period of 15 years indicated that many husbands report experiencing psychological distress when their wives made more than 40% of the household income!
@@aallen5256 Yes, I definitely don’t recommend that path to any young woman. The original poster made a comment of women getting divorced for the money and I was simply trying to point out that the issue is bigger and deeper than that.
@@conceptualclarity This is true. I was disciples in my home by my parents who always heals God’s word as the highest level of truth. I have to say that finding churches that do the same is difficult. My husband and I moved two states over to attend a good church. They are out there, and in theory there will be good God fearing Christians in them.
At 11:50 he hit the nail on the head! Women are leaving because they are not “emotionally fulfilled”. ALL people need to be told the truth about life in Christ, and especially marriage. Your life is not about you, it’s about glorifying God. Your marriage is not about you, it’s about glorifying God by depicting Christ and the church. That’s why, regardless of what your spouse does, you play your role. Doing that every day declares that Jesus is Lord of all. I think most American Christians do not die to themselves so the thought of not getting their way is intolerable to them.
@ Rebekah Guilder Why does God allow his chidlren to get married ? For sex . 1 Corinthians 7:4/ Thessalonians (forgot the references !) When a woman enters marriage , she is under her husband's sexual power 1 Co 7:5 / Numbers 5:13-end If women divorce so easily when they are given that right ( that God has never given anyway) , it is because they have become totally shameless about sex. They are used to sleeping around and the idea of belonging to ONE man is heretic to them . They are shameless and society and the CHURCH praises them for that !!!!!!!
@@framboise595 I don’t really agree with everything you’ve said. God didn’t make marriage for sex, while sex obviously is a large component of it. The Bible again and again tells us that the husband plays the role of Christ and the wife plays the role of the church. Marriage it to glorify God, not to make us happy. All throughout the Bible there are shadows and types: the high priest of Israel is a shadow and type for Christ, etc. Following your statement and your references you would have to admit that the husband is also under the wife’s sexual power: The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
@@rebekahguilder602 If God did not make marriage for sex , then fornication is perfectly ok. TO AVOID sexual immorality , let every man have his wife (...) 1 Co 7:4 Marriage is not a spiritual thing , that's why we have to stop the sex for a while in order to devote to spiritual matters 1 Co 7:5 You say he is also under her wife's sexual power . Problem is , we women don't have sexual power since we don't have a penis. We cannot perform the sexual act. But we DO have a right to sex too. A man can take but we can't . We are thus biologically dependant on his desires.
Because we refuse to struggle and suffer like those before us. So we insist that "a family can't make it if only the husband is working," so you push your women into the workforce where dogs and wolves spend 8 hours a day preying on them and tempting them. We have bought into this culture that downgrades the housewife and homemaker as if it is tantamount to slavery. We refuse to recognize that scripture forbids women to have authority over men PERIOD and deceitfully claim this is merely within the church and family, as if those most important facets of society are the only place women shouldn't rule over men, but it's okay elsewhere. David, Solomon, Paul and James would never have submitted themselves to be under the authority of a woman; in the workplace or civil courts. We teach our young women that they should chase degrees and careers rather than a family. We allow women to appear in public in scandalous attire and build a culture around showing them that if they'll exhibit themselves in seductive ways, they can make mush out of men. We allow pornography to bombard the senses and glamorize women that have sex for money. We get the women we create.
In all honesty I wonder how men end up choosing such women. Because the pastors I’m following seem to have really sexually available wives, just saying it sure doesn’t seem to be an “all women” issue
@Clay Man It's when you are depriving the other spouse of sexual intimacy for a non-biblical reason out of revenge, strife or a desire to control the other person.
Quoting statistics doesn't represent the issue fairly. College educated women are less likely to divorce than women without a degree. Multiple studies bear that out, even the one you are quoting. Citing who files for the divorce doesn't tell you why the woman filed. Women who are educated are higher earners and thus have less need to stay in a marriage. Considering the rate of murders of women, and the suicide rate for women, went down with the introduction of no fault divorce, I'd say that's a net benefit for society.
It makes sense that 70% of domestic violence victims in a marriage are the man. The female perpetrator will likely be viewed with much greater sympathy and lenience by law enforcement and the judiciary. Men no doubt underreport their domestic violence victimhood due to a sense of shame over it. The 'church' and society need to do a MUCH better job empathizing with the struggles of men.
Here in the Charlotte area on I-77 south of the city, not far across the border into South Carolina there is a billboard for a law, firm, encouraging women. “easy“ it is to get a divorce if they’re not fulfilled. Women don’t need that kind of encouragement. They already know about no-fault divorce and how they possibly even get back at their dad if he was abusive or unfaithful to their mothers through their poor husband.
God would ask WHY the women are angry. There is always a reason. Legit and all women REQUIRE our needs met. Not told to get over it or that we are "whining". Men will experience revival in their families WHEN they meet their women's needs. Fully.
I think the reason I’m still single is I project strength and women know they won’t get away with manipulation or abuse, so they walk away in the midst of frequent conversation, after leaving me multiple compliments on my character without elaborating.
There’s also the fact that most people nowadays, especially women, have a low view of marriage and don’t want to get married. Most women, at least the ones my age, only want sex.
@@AstroMonkey88 I think one of the ones might have committed fornication but wasn’t admitting it, and did a “quit before you get fired” kind of thing. She admitted a relationship with an unbeliever months earlier that she was ashamed of. I think when she understood my viewpoint on chastity, she was afraid I would find out the truth and couldn’t face the rejection. Because you’re not going to be in a relationship with me and I not know everything about you
@@christianmama2441 The way I understood what our brother has said, in context of the content of this video, is that women have realized that he will play the Biblical role of a man. We have been disciples so much by the world to think that a woman should be a strong, independent person who does what’s best for her. When many women see that there’s a man who understands that he is supposed to be head of the household, that he is responsible for her and their children, and that he is to love her sacrificially as Christ loves the church, women, even church going women, are turned off because they think marriage is defined by human terms. At least that’s where my thinking went in regards to his words. There was no boasting of his own might and God calls men to be strong.
If I get hit, she will get the back of my hand. I agree with Sean Connery on this one and disagree with those who do not believe in hitting a woman back. And we are not talking about beating her with fist. If children receive violence by getting spanked, a grown woman should be mature enough that if she uses violence then she will be disciplined by some sort of violence back.
Marriage is not an anarcho-capitalist libertarian randian voluntaryist commercial pact. It is a covenant before God with stipulations and obligations. That’s what you’re missing
@@RightResponseMinistries give me scripture on that, not subjectivity. The Pharisees were guilty of making up subjective morality of what is sin, are you guilty of that? It seems to me you are being guilty of sinning by making up what is sinning according to your modern westernized double standards of what is right and wrong, you give Leeway to women , self defense is not a sin. It’s best You to REPENT before the LORD now before you face him in the after life for your subjectivity. Exodus 22:2 “If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep. 2 If a thief is found breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him, ... What I get from this verse is even if it is a woman If she is guilty of causing a threat and you strike her to stop the threat it is justified. The word man or thief used in Exodus is for mankind not just masculine men.
@@cosmictreason2242 self defense is not a sin, and that’s what you are missing. One smack to a woman face is enough to stop the threat. You sound like some modernized western male.
Wonder how many of these women who initiate the divorce, though there’s no biblical grounds for it and it provides evidence of them not being regenerate, wind up with a bad boy who they want to try to fix but causes them more pain. You have to know what you’re dealing with concerning how she grew up and the kind of household and she grew up in and her parents’ relationship. Don’t ignore blatant red flags like I did just because of her physical attributes.
I think women who are dependent on the husband as provider will stay in a bad marriage because they are limited in options. That's why college educated women who are not dependent on their husband will have a tendency to not be willing to stay in a unhappy marriage. Not saying it's right, just saying that independent women aren't afraid of destitution.
@@christianmama2441 the norm- which the Bible affirms - is that children are influenced by how they’re raised. You really need to cut out the accusing. Exceptions don’t disprove the rule
Why do you married men look at porn so much... Women could fix this (most of the time)... but they would rather complain about it instead of changing their own behavior.
I’ve dwelt with many men who watch porn mad can’t shake it while being married. There is many justifications to keep going.. and it doesn’t start while married. It’s when he is single.. over time it’s a dopamine fix.. and in marriage stress is a trigger.. by the time they are married there brain is rewired and can’t stop.. easy access is a major factor as well… then there is the addidige.. Christian women are boring/dull sexually.. so the boring factor pulls the male brain away from natural sex drive and it’s replaced with images as the only way he gets turned on.. its like women who get so much attention form guys on social media.. most can never let go.. this is also a problem with married women..
@@Anonymous-ng9mc Christian women are boring/dull? LOL God literally made our bodies to be intertwined, within a man/woman marriage of course. That should be celebrated!
@@JLa7257 Re-read what I wrote. I said boring in bed… not saying all.. but most are.. and for a husband that’s been watching porn and pleasuring himself to those designed images to be visual turn-ons. Going home to a Christian wife who’s not slutty.. magnifies the male mind.
A couple of factors as to why you have this disparity: 1. Women's expectations in regard to marriage are absurdly bloated. Men's expectations are drastically more limited. And of course in general terms it is women and not men in our society who are being constantly told that you deserve to have it all, that every last desire in your heart must be fulfilled or there is something horribly wrong, even unfair. 2. We are a female child custody culture. It is almost true that the only way a woman doesn't get child custody is to voluntarily pass on it. Therefore conservatives are idiotic to talk about the "fatherlessness" problem because the decision about whether not children are with their fathers is almost always being made by mothers and not by fathers. I understand that some research has shown that when a spouse becomes a sexual refuser, if the refuser is is the husband, the wife will leave within a few years whereas sexually refused husbands stay with their wives for many years. It seems obvious that the sexually refused husbands are staying in order to remain with their children.
@@aallen5256 sorry it was a decade ago that I saw that. it was discussed on the Experience Project which was shut down in 2016. The biggest cluster of stories on that website was about sexual refusal. But I'm not able to help you with that.
There was also a lot of discussion of sexual refusal on the Forum board on the website that I believe was called the marriage bed and I could have seen the references there but it would kind of be like looking for a needle in a haystack
@@conceptualclarity Hmmm.. In the future, you shouldn't make such a specific claim if you can't provide a source! I've not been able to find any research that supports what you're suggesting. You seem to have internalised this idea, but it's totally unbased as far as I can tell. Certainly it isn't in any way obvious that men who are sexually refused stay in relationships in order to remain with their children more than women do. P.S. Married men are almost twice as likely to cheat on their wives as married women, so maybe the men are just staying in the marriage and getting some on the side!
@@aallen5256 Im curious what the total % of cheaters is compared to the 90% of women who initiate divorce. I cant imagine cheaters are anywhere close to 90%.
As a woman, I think a major reason why Christian women initiate divorce is because they discover their husbands to lack biblical leadership and responsibility. Yes, women, wives, and mothers are sinners too. But men bare a greater responsibility in taking care of, providing for, and leading their wives. Wasn’t it through Adam (“man” in Hebrew) that sin was brought into the world? If a woman doesn’t feel that her husband is exercising proper leadership, she will want to depart from him. It’s difficult for a woman to be with a man who doesn’t care about either her or their children’s spiritual development. Some women feel they have to take care of their spiritual development themselves. While I know some women go into making that decision out of complete selfishness, in order to pursue someone else, be “happy,” etc., I think there are also women - Christian ones too - who make that decision out of desperation and a sense of helplessness.
And your comment demonstrates that you missed the point of this video completely. Gentlemen, this is why we need to shame women more for their words and actions. There is far more devastation to a family when women speak and act out of line than when a man does.
@@JohnBaptist702 How is what I said missing the point? I’m simply stating - as a woman - why I think women make this decision. I never condoned the decision of divorce. I’m giving the reason - however flawed - why women make this decision.
@@JohnBaptist702 Also, I’m not sure if I agree with this statement that women bring far more destruction than men when they speak and/or act out of line. I think both do. But it was Eve who was deceived and Adam who didn’t speak up. Who bore the greater responsibility in this case? Both were at fault, both sinned. But one had knowledge and the other was ignorant/deceived.
Women who are really spiritually deep are divorcing their husbands out of their great spiritual depth, nevermind their presumed awareness of the fact that God says in the Bible that He hates divorce? I can't remember hearing a woman say that but I know that many times women are heard openly saying that they are leaving because they're not getting the kind of feelings that they expect any more and I think those women àre to be believed.
Since when was lack of leadership ground for divorce? Refusal to provide is grounds but not lack of leadership which can be developed. Are you justifying women filing for divorce because of lack of leadership? Did you watch the whole video? Lack of leadership is a problem and must be addressed; however, they were not addressing this specific situation but situations when women are filing on unbiblical grounds which is the real problem. What are your thoughts on that?
