Thank you for watching this video. I hope things are going as well as can be expected with everything happening in the world these days. Please take care of yourself and remember that you deserve to be loved for who you are.
I stupidly followed the advice of many coach that said "you don't want to be in the friendzone. Either he is talking to you to be your boyfriend or nothing at all." I said that to my ex and it made him distressed and pull away. It might work for some people, but some relationships don't have a black and white view of things. Thanks for your advice Clay
I feel like I tried to harbor and create that context that you mention around 6 minutes but they have still shown zero interest in giving things even casually another go soooo guess I’ll just keep on keeping on. I do have to admit I initially refused the olive branch of “friendship only” though (ie immediately after the breakup) but when they reached out again after (many months later...) I tried to just have it be casual and light but even then no dice, so- I think it’s officially finito. Oh well.
Omg! I spoke to him yesterday and he quit his job and he's been going through a lot and the conversation we had was wonderful. I definitely know we both still need to heal and get our careers in a better place. I wish I could have found you before spending tons on stupid psychics ... Would have save a lot of time and money
Are you guys together now? My ex is also going through a lot .. i talk to him and he tells me everything but never initiate the conversation What should i do?
Well my ex dumped me blocked me and now seeing someone else in a matter of under two months, I hope they have a miserable life together, he absolutely broke me, why do men treat u so bad, bastard hate men.
Hi Joanne ,i understand your concern ,if someone had done bad to you and left you don't curse them there wont be any difference between you and that person, forgive that person, forgive yourself too ...if it is God's plan it will be back to you...No matter how bad you are being treated don't ask for bad things for such people ,you are inviting same thing to yourself...Ask God for forgiveness ...what is meant for you will be yours, have patience ,pray ,God's time is the best time. Love yourself..God bless you.
Clay you break it down so good. This is helping me. I think my ex is the all or nothing. Our communication is better now but it is a wall up. I will use some of your tips. Thank you. - Tammi
I reached out to my ex three weeks after no contact. She dumped me tho for whatever reason. I told her i wanted to catch up. She told me, i can call her whenever i want. I called her once, she didn't pick up, told me she was busy, then told me i can call her when im free. I told her, i totally get if she is busy, that i will try to call her some other day, and if she has free time, let me know. She just put me on seen. Planning to not call her again. Your thoughts? She is an avoidant tho.
So what I'm hearing is I treated you bad in the first place so that's kind of why you left me and that's why I resent you because I couldn't just use you but I'm not going to call you first cuz I'm waiting on you to come back that way you know that what I didn't give you the first time you're still not going to get now but I will use you if you allow me to blessing you guys are this is what you're going through you weren't meant to be together in the first place if they're not ready to commit then they were just using you in the first place
Not sure if this approach works with my “ex“ as we never started an official relationship 😔 we just dated for 3.5 months and things fell off partly because I didn’t let my guard down and he felt disconnected. Not much foundation built but our connection was great at the beginning..
The ultimatum coaches that spring to mind are Corey Wayne and Coach Lee. Apparently acting like you dont care is the key to everything. Im glad I moved away from that way of being.
But why would you be willing to settle that's a man with low self-esteem that is trying to convince women that oh yeah I know I'm not what you really but I don't want to promise you anything but I'll gladly take what you have to offer me today sex your benefits your resources and if I decide I like it after I've used you for those things then I'll see whether or not I am willing to commit who would not be listening to this mess only low value men or women would expect you to give up all that you have and to not offer anything in return I'll gladly take what you have today and give you fake promises or future fate so I can keep using you but no no no no don't you dare realize this is what I'm doing to you because you're supposed to let me waste your time in your life as if life is not precious
My ex will not talk to me at all. Ghosting me. We have been going through a rough time and separated since July. 5th. I saw him yesterday and shouldn’t have gone by where he is but I am really having a hard time with this. We were engaged. I have tried to contact him and am being ignored now after talking to him and him telling me that he misses me and loves me. I am just at a loss and hope that this makes sense. i cant keep waiting with the NO contact.
She’s not washing the sheets three days a week because of ocd.. haha, chad blowing her back out And she’s also too tired when you get home...u dead on man!! Orbiters , it’s usually someone you know
Corey Wayne seems to be an advocate for ultimatum approach. He also believes the no friends mentality. "I want romance, not friendship. Contact me if you change your mind." In my opinion that has so many flaws.
Hey coach is it too late to reach out after 6-8 months after the break up? Idk if she’s dating or anything and I want to reach out but idk how to go about to start a casual conversation without her having her guard up or her thinking I want to get back( which I would) lol. Also I feel like I may have missed out on an opportunity a few months back when she reached out to me and I was still upset and I gave a dry and vague response. I know she won’t reach out again because she thinks I’m upset
Clay Andrews any tips on how I could go about starting a conversation with her without it getting weird and awkward. I’d be expecting her to have her guard up. No way she doesn’t feel a sort of way after a random text from me
Hi Clay don’t know if you will respond but I feel like I am on both sides of the breakup as my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue and blamed me for his inability to make himself happy then got back together with me, said he was sorry for being irrational and over night changed his mind and now refuses to talk to me as if he is doing no contact .
it could be that your ex is projecting his frustration on himself. It's a defense mechanism a person would make to justify and reason out their own frustrations.
Me and my fiance took a break 6 weeks ago, her idea. So she moved down the street in the same town. And she's not from anywhere around here mind you. But we've been having better connections last few weeks and been hanging out. I had been initiating more of the contact but the other day I informed her I was taking a step back so she would need to reach me if she felt like talking. She just called me this morning to tell me the xbox I let her borrow at her place for the kids to use stopped working last night. The other times she has called me was to tell me she was hungry as a hint for me to bring her food. So she finds these little insignificant reasons to contact me but won't admit that she actually just misses me and doesn't know how to reach out like normal. I'm testing this out and may go back to contacting her in the future but when this all started she made it clear she needed to miss me and that she needed to come to me. But when I let her come to me she does it in a weird way, which tells me she's more comfortable with me being the leader in our relationship.
She spoke to me wen i saw her i broke up with her i jua recently seen her she started a convo with-me making comments about other women. Stating wat a person was sayin to her via text acting as if i cared we spent the day together laughin n talkin bou random stuff the next day we txted a bit i asked for a hug she stated how she dont want to lead me on she doesnt want to start over she wants tu b cool now i haven't spoke tu her in 2 days
@@ClayAndrews she's very emotionally vulnerable towards me, but only is connecting when she's emotional not when she's feeling happy or good! I don't know if there someone else she's talking to when happy!
@@Sidebiche I am in Clay's courses and although you don't want to become he go to for emotional problems with another person you can be there for emotional support when created elsewhere. So what I mean is using a technique called the decoy affect (modified version maybe) where you can highlight your strengths and good qualities, in a non-arrogant way, so that she sees your as a better choice, more emotionally strong and stable, etc.
@@ClayAndrews I would certainly love to believe that in my own case, nothing seems to make sense with our breakup. We first dated 18 years ago, he wanted me from before that, he kept me in his heart this whole time saying no one ever compared, we got back together long distance before the pandemic, things got stressful and he suddenly got cold and distant for two weeks before ending things via text. Did no contact for over a month then he started texting me again, chit chat nothing serious every day for a week, then disappeared again several weeks ago.
@@skullblossom81 I have gone through the same. Long Distance is hard enough and then adding the pandemic. It gets to some people. I am currently in all of Clay's courses and they help a lot. He is a very balanced coach. He doesn't promote to be walked on like many seem to think but it definitely isn't as simple as just walk away. Never is If you would like to talk, we can share info. Keep in mind, you dated this person. Do you really think, aside from you hurting them extremely, that they are happy being broken up. Usually not.
Hi Clay, I don’t know if you’ll reply to me but me and my ex were together for 2 and a half years and we we’re really good together and he really love me, more so than I did, I feel. But do to his lack of relationship and communication skills we broke up, he actually initiated the break up which was very shocking to me at the same time I knew he was doing it for the best as he knew he wasn’t giving his all in the relationship even though he loved me. Then, we started talking after 3 months from the break up. And til now its about the 5th month after and we’ve had a total of 5 conversations which I all initiated. But when we text its long and meaningful, its always about our lives and the mood is happy. I really felt his care in the messages just like how he was when we were together. I’m the one who also ends the conversation though. He also just views my ig story and already deleted our pics after 5 months from the break up. I don’t know where I stand or what are my chances with him. Any advice?
To add, even before he wasn’t the one who usually initiated because that’s his personality. He’s not the type to also play mind games and usually does the right thing in a situation.
The last time I saw my ex he cried and told me he might regret the break up but wasn't sure. I was going through a tough time physically at the time and he took care of me and was very affectionate. I feel like we truly reconnected emotionally as he took care of me. It's been a week now and he hasn't reached out yet - I don't know whether I should contact him again or simply wait it out until he comes back to our city in 2 weeks. By the way your advice has been super insightful!
awesome stuff Clay! How/when to address it? I've tried but it made him defensive and upset that I brought up sth long ago (broke up 4 months). Trying to build emotional connection but he's got a high wall, and I'm always initiating and asking him questions, he responds but it's a 1-way street
Literally same situation i'm in! We broke up 3 months ago and I found the best thing is to use his interests or things he enjoys talking about that you can show you have in common/can build off of. (ex. if he likes gaming, ask if he has played a certain game you know he would enjoy.)
Maybe the timing on your approach has to be looked into. it could be that he is not emotionally ready to have relationship talks and that type of conversation caught him by surprise. like what we teach inside the Ex Solution Program, it is important that we work on the Advanced Relational Skills before initiating contact with our ex.
@@ClayAndrews Well for me I've only been talking to Craig for only 5months, so taken it slowly, but he told me we are doing fine . he just doesnt like getting upset at stuff n it had took him to going back to a maybe in meeting up together after pandemic.
@primerdimers I am in the same boat as you. We were engaged and have been broke up for a month after a 2 year relationship. He has indicated he loves me and misses me and tells others he is debating on coming home but has ghosted me now. I have a feeling he may even be on drugs and that scares me. The place he is staying is a terrible place. If that is the case he needs to get out of there! Help! I love him
I’d love to see a video of all advice people talking about their client success rates with a set of qualifiers based of who they actually accept as clients. Are they easy, etc
If u break up with them for cheating and they marry that person and divorce but then u call them after 5yrs they ask u to come over. Why didnt he call me?
There could be a lot of reasons, Regina. these are just assumptions but in the end, it's just your ex knows the truth. It might be that they are not ready to communicate or probably still felt bad about what happened in the past.
I agree with Clay 100%. I am in his courses but think about it from his point of view. Reach out to a girl from 5 yrs ago that you cheated on and married the person you cheated with. That is a huge chunk of pride to swallow. He may have thought it useless as you wouldn't forgive that, he may have thought you moved on, he may have felt horrible and thought you would make him eat his words and feel even worse. We live in cruel times so a lot of people become afraid to be vulnerable.
Hey Coaches, I have been watching your videos and trying to get hold of what goes in my ex girlfriend's brain and I wanted to ask you this, we have spent the past 1.5 year being inseperable and just so close not just physically but emotionally, this corona came as a curse and increased the emotional and physical distance amongst us, she broke off but said I don't wanna leave you, I love you and I don't wanna stop talking, we talked for a while but it went bollocks and I called no contact, which she broke 5 days later and then we again talked for a while and she asked for no contact of 2 months, this time she seemed even less bothered and she now has 2 new guy friends who are 24/7 calling her and stuff, she has very toxic parents and she is planning on moving out to a new city which is way closer to mine, what do I do, she's a dead honest person, and she says she doesn't wanna move on, but right now I have nothing to do but stalk so I know she's more time on the phone than with herself, suggest me what to do?
Jimmy is 100% correct. They can see this and it will only hurt the connection and it will also show when you and her interact. I know from experience and it didn't work. My anxiety was through the roof and it showed in our communications. It is hard to fake interest and or surprise when you already know what is going on in her life when she shares. If that makes sense. Like the "not surprise" surprise party routine.
As far as lies and excuses go, Sharon, that's a piss-poor example on his part. He's not even trying!!! Does he put as little effort into other areas of his life? ;)
