Why you don't get what you want; it's not what you expect | Jennice Vilhauer | TEDxPeachtree 

“When you don’t act on what you want, you take yourself out of the game. Buying lottery doesn’t guarantee winning but not buying guarantees losing it”.. sums it all.

“When you’re motivated by what you want, change is possible.”

the best thing i ever heard "Buying a lottery ticket does not guarantee winning, but not buying one guarantees loosing"

Yes yes yes. I’ve gone through clinically depressed periods of my life and I agree 1000% with not daring to think of what life could be like. For me, it was not so much that I was scared of doing that, but rather I’d forgotten the ability to imagine positive things. I’d forgotten my ability to feel purely positive emotions that weren’t tinged with some kind of pain. When I realized that and started practicing with tiny steps at imagining beautiful, peaceful, joyous moments, life quickly began to improve.

Best advise...with one caveat. Learn not to be disappointed when life does not meet your expectations. Readjust and start again. It may take many tries to get it right. So...great advice, over simplified. Thanks.

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go trough hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

i am so thrilled to see so many speakers on psychology changing their practice to put more focus on the client changing their thinking. so many let you drone on and on about your problems but they have no way to help you stop. i stopped going to therapy and discovered on my own i needed to change the way i think. i thought, well i cn write down my negative thoughts for a day and see what i need to work on. that lasted two hours before i was sobbing my head off because all my thoughts were negative. no wonder i was so sad. but slowly i stopped myself, and now it seems so far away to think like that. i would never go back, though i still find myself doing, i see it quickly and stop myself... habits take dedication to break, but once you get started it feels easy, like riding a bike. it's all a game of mental mastery...mindset. also chemically you change when you stop being negative and your health improves because stress causes illness.

People give up because they spent decades trying & doing all of this stuff on how to have a wonderful life full of the things you desire only to have thousands of thousands of unexpected failures. Anticipation & expectations aren't enough. She is leaving many steps & variables out of her talk.

This is truly a fascinating Ted Talk. I have watched it several times now and more importantly implemented Jennice's three questions in my professional and personal life with amazing results.

Thank you Dr. Jennice Vilhauer. What an eye opening speach.

Surely one of my top 10 on RU-vid. Keep coming back to refresh my memory. Thank you

Thank you for this!! I love that it's an empowering message with practical tools by taking responsibility for oneself based on training our thoughts and taking action. Much gratitude for this resource!

This has to be one of the most inspiring Ted talks I've watched :)

This is powerful. I did this and changed my expectations about something I was selling. A very specialized musical item that I’ve been trying to sell for months and was so worried I’d never sell it. It cost thousands of dollars and last night I changed my expectation that I was going to sell it, and this morning it sold!!! This is so true! Thank you. This will change people’s lives especially those who feel stuck. I’m going to apply this technique to other areas of my life and see what happens :)

Thankyou so very much ! I'm currently dealing with a situation, changed my city, left my comfort zone, working out of the league and questioning every single decision! But this video has changed everything for me. It changed the whole perspective of thinking for me. Now I can only think what I want irrespective of any expectations ( negative ). Thankyou so much

Brilliant! Thoroughly enjoyed it. Its very true for my life. I usually went by the motto "hope for the best but expect the worst", I am NEVER EVER again going to think that. I will live by "hope for the best and expect even better" from now on.

Best Ted Talk ever on taking the action and how to do it!

the way she talks is so calm n relaxing to listen to. i can listen to her for hours.

This really made me think about how my expectations are sometimes the opposite from what I want, I need to start reprogramming myself, great talk! ❤️

Wow she's put very clearly. The ball is always in our hands, its us who choose what to do with it. Cheers to Jennins Talk. A talk really worth sharing

I've heard so many inspiring talks but this lady spoke so eloquently and everything she said was totally logical and totally got registered in my twisted and negative brain ! Truly magical presentation.

Great talk. Very interesting and practical. Thanks for the formula "Expectation + Action = Creation of your life experiences".

This is a MASTERPIECE, a work of art ..no less. Thank you.

That was very well put. I'm fighting some of those same negative thoughts and depression now and hearing her put it in real terms versus all the positive affirmations suppressing bad thoughts most people tend to spit out does help. Peaceful, calm, and steady voice as well. Thanks :)

WOW! That was just what I needed right NOW!

This stuff is gold... Thank you...

Thank you, Jennice! This talk helped me ellucidate a lot, it was one of the biggest AHA moments ever! Clear, simple, to the point. Can´t wait to put it in practice!!! Very grateful for this, thanks again.

This is one of the most useful, valuable TED talks I have ever watched. As a life coach I use it’s lessons and recommend it all the time. It provides a simple yet scientific way of explaining what could otherwise be seen as woo woo ideas 😀

Just be happy in the moment and all the rest falls into place: The conscious mind is a tricky one and will never let you be happy, will always keep chasing the next "...Oh, this is what I want..." Just imaging a happy feeling is glowing within you, and life will get easier.

Lazy morning guess I'll listen to this Ted talk . Wow I'm glad I did. Thank you.

Connecting the dots was fun. Ty Dr. Jennice Vilhauer.

Keep coming back to this one. This one is gold. Thank you Ma'am

The title says it all. You don't get what you want because you don't expect to get it. I'm so smart. Now let me watch the talk to see if I'm right... Yup, I'm a total genius.

One of the best talks I ever heard! Something to put on one's play list and listen to every day

I've read her books as well! Amazing woman! So inspiring!

Thank you so much for the useful and excellent speech! It will change a lot of lives! We EXPECT to watch more her great videos!

Great presentation! Expectations guide all our thoughts, feelings, & actions, which ultimately lead to results/outcome. Expect the best, Do the most, & Have your wish... Be, Do, Have; in that order!

Powerful message. I just picked up her book!

what a sweet talk! what a sweet lady!!! such a calm way of speaking...loved it!!!

It was an eye opener for me. Had tears in my eyes while listening the talk. Excellent work.

What I'm expecting to feel What I want instead Don't focus on what can go wrong What do I need to do... Thank you so much!!!!!!! ❤️

this is one of the best ted talks I've ever heard - well done!

Right on Spot talk! Thanks Jennice for the amazing insight.

Inspiring and helpful. Thanks Dr. Jennice Vilhauer!

Less than a minute in and I'm already blown away and am rethinking my life. Wow. Even the title of this video is amazing. Initially I thought the "It's not what you expect" was pure clickbait, but it's actually the answer to the question of why you don't get what you want. Wow!

What a fantastic presentation. One of the best Ted Talks. Love how she directly hitting the point and science, not speaking 20 mins about herself. :)

Thanks for this! Been feeling unmotivated lately after countless rejections. Will definitely try again.

I saw this video in the past and it didn't make a huge impact on me but TODAY, I don't know why but it just did. Great talk Dr. Vilhauer. Thanks

Summary: expect better outcomes and act on them. you're welcome.

i want to share an amazing thing that happened while i was just watching this video. When Jennice said Step 1 : Imagine what u want and see how u feel. I imagined standing in a place of my dreams holding my future husband's hand. I felt really good. Within a minute, this guy who i like and imagined messaged me after a gap of few days. I previously had this anxiety that maybe he ghosted me. But the moment i imagined and felt good, there he was ! 😍

Thanks to RU-vid for suggesting this video. Definitely a inspirational talk. The one I need today. Thx

I believe this is probably the best tedx talks i have seen so far! it was worth every minute.

Most amazing, shaping Talk I have seen on TEDx recently!!

Notes: -You act on expectations, not desires -Expectation and action shape your outcomes -Action makes you participates in outcomes (self-fulfilling) -Aware of expectations to take better actions -Gap of expectation and desires creates stress -Change expectation to match with desires will promote action Questions to ask oneself for upcoming events: 1 How is what I am expecting making me feel? -stress, anxiety indicates negative expectation 2 What would I like to have happen instead? -typically different from your expectations 3 What do I need to do to make what I want happen? -planning brings better expectation, and therefore action

Simply brilliant motivational speech! Excellent examples cited! Very vivid!

Absolutely powerful!! thanking you for sharing

Thank you so much! I've found the way out of depression thanks to this video

This is helpful, but only to a point, because there are many times I didn't get what I expected, both positive and negative.

Kudos to you, Jennice. I enjoy many Tedx talks, and yours may have exceeded my expectation! (smile)

Excellent. Thank you so much for sharing these very powerful ideas with us.

thanks for good motivate video. Now all i have to do is practice myself to have positive thinking. :)

powerful! absolutely one of the best TEDs that i have seen.

Amazing Janice. Thank you so much. I can't wait to read your book!

One of the best if not the best talk i have ever seen! Thanks Jennice!

This was amazing, we knew these concepts but it's good to keep reminding our mind!

I wish I could add more likes!! Superb! Motivational! Life changing! Thank you so much! All so true!!!

Bravo. This talk about changing expectations will have a great effect towards the way we all look at every situation.

Soo soothing

In the three steps she gives, it's the step 3 that is challenging. That is, seeing a plan to achieve the want. This plan is not a normal feeling process, but a mental thinking process, and plans can be very sophisticated and thus difficult to attain, or in another word, "unprofitable personally", in terms of returns on time, to attain. Eventually, what she is essentially saying is traditional goal setting works. She's also suggesting that with a realistic goal set and a plan set into place, one will feel better. OK, all agreed. But then she suggests this is all one needs to do. Unfortunately, like many healers of all kinds, they come upon one methodology and think it solves 80% of all problems, when it solves only 10%. The example she gives in 4:20 explains this well. She says "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee winning, but not buying guarantees losing." Reality is "buying that lottery ticket doesn't guarantee losing, but not buying decreases losing ."

Fantastic. Very fortuitous timing for me! Thank you so much.

Excellent & Eye Opening Speech!! She Nailed it💛

She has the cutest impish chuckle. Great talk too!

This talk is gold.

Great video!!! Thank you for precious words to the speaker!!! I wish I could listen to it much earlier!!!!

This is so good, I want to learn it, use it, and teach it to others. Thank you.

What she said, was just the tip of the iceberg. It sounded to simple of a solution, but in reality there's a lot more to it...

beautiful, beautiful talk.

" You can Choose". Yes I choose my life my dream my passion my desired life. I am a change for me. Yeah I am changing my life with others life. What a sweet and short talk but the impact is deep down to my heart to my guts. Thank you so much

This is very very good! I just met a woman who has low self-worth issue. She married a man who constantly berated her, disrespected her on regular basis. When I asked her why she married that mean guy she said "because I was so lonely and hated myself at the time. Having someone is better than no one". And she said the same thing as Dr.Vilhauer said in the talk ; she "didn't believe it was possible for her to have a better future, a better life". I didn't know what to say to her really. I just listened to her, that's the only think I could do. Now I have some tools from this talk to help others like her. Thank you so much.

Succinct and Powerful. Thank you for a life changing experience.

absolutely the best and most impactful Tedx till date!

This is an absolutely amazing talk. Thank you, Jennice.

Thanks. Wonderful content, articulate, well organized context, well-paced delivery.

Great talk! Her book Think Froward to Thrive is amazing too and explains how to change expectations in even greater detail.

Her little low-key chuckle _"hmm hm hm hm"_ is totally cracking me up.

Thanks for the talk Jennice, nicely put such an impactful advice. Will try my best to remember this.

This was immensely helpful. I'm glad I watched it. I plan on using this method to help me take action and reduce anxiety.

This talk is not rally new to me, but It's remind me something I forgot !!

The universe brought me here. Thank you

When failure came in life, it usually took the past experience define future outcome, i am not quiet sure if I can attain what I want one day, but the only thing i know about is to start to plan , to act, right now. Thanks Jennice for this inspiring speech.

very concise and clean delivery, she managed to stick to ONE principle from beginning to the end, she never started listing multiple principles such as telling us about "Number 1 = do this, Number 2 = xx, Number 5 = do that"

Buddhism made easy by a young and beautiful psychologist. Thank you so much!!!

These are good recommendations for what we can do personally to maximize the potential for success in what we want. It would be helpful to discuss the factors that are not in our singular control that can prevent us from getting what we may want that are just as real and common as our expectations. Barriers such as people in authority who won't allow human and legal rights to be obtained for certain groups of people, environmental barriers such as war and regional natural disasters that alter opportunities for advancement, life ending or altering medical illnesses such as cancer or debilitating neurological diseases... There are people who use their expectations and goals to work through or overcome these barriers to get a life of what they want for themselves and others (women's right to vote, freedom of religion, freedom for slaves, adaptive living through therapeutic devices), but some did not live to see those life desires move forward or had to adapt their goals to achieve happiness and peace within the broken system or difficult situation. It's important to recognize real barriers and their affects on what we want when raising our expectations to get the life we want. It's not this simple, even though these recommendations can bring us things we want that we may be pushing away or have potential to achieve right in front of us. Perhaps learning the structure or limits of these barriers and systems can help find options within them to find a life that is more adjusted to your desires and goals for a life you want as you raise your expectations of what is possible.

For many, the biggest obstacle is identifying what they want in the first place! However, this talk is inspirational for those know their goal but can't seem to achieve it.

Wow this is powefull. Thank you Jennice!

Your past doesn't define who You are and where you go but your expectations for the future is what limits you the most. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM WHAT A SHOCKER

Talk is easy actions are hard, every day I study, everrrry day my mind tells me im an idiot failure and worthless. iv already gotten half way through... passing everything so far and yet my mind haunts me. Well I know why its hard to get what we want because for everything I ever got I fought Extreme fear, or negativity, yes I have gotten what I wanted but each thing has been painfully attained. My mind wont rest its sabotage efforts. I fight hard, im just tired of fighting... im fighting now for my study. Good news though when I do overcome the battle I always am sooooo happy for it. I hope this time is the same

Thank you! That was beautiful and what I needed today.

Jennice provided a clear and easy way to think how we set ourselves up for failure, regardless of our intentions. Building our belief muscle is part of the answer. So thank you for a great talk. Now, please, do more and share it with us!!!

she means that expectations will mostly come true because those are accompanied with your most productive resourceful persistent approach. keen desire + solid belief = pure expectations = best performance = LUCK