Why You Need a Traditional Marriage vs. A Modern Marriage To Build Generational Wealth. (2022) 

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Modern relationships are a failure. This is what past generations fought for aka modern feminism.

This is a word. And also what to be in control but don’t want the responsibility or have the ability to be in control.

Ouch, but I concur

Boss chick mam, respectful is delusional and isn’t fulfilling, and God wants better for you.

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100%!! It was so refreshing!

Thank you lady! 😊

Families are the foundations of society period as they go so goes the community and country

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Thank you for watching.

@@anthonyoneal Omg this was so powerful!! I agree so much with @Tina Marsh. I love this couple!

@@beautfullymelanated4719 we love that you love us! 😊

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@@anthonyoneal AO what was their names and handles, didn't see it in the description.

Same here. She is incredible. The brother chose well!

She is perfect black wife ( I know ain’t nobody perfect but you know what I mean)

Thank you so much! 😊

Same sis!!

Mooossst DEFINITELY ‼️🔥🔥🔥

Exactly! I don't understand how they expect women to be the traditional housewife when many of them can't even afford a lifestyle that allows for that to happen.

What I thought was interesting is they spoke about building up to this point of having a traditional lifestyle but the mindset was always wanting to be traditional. She spoke about getting her out of her job and in the home.

@@Jane_Toussaint23 There's plenty of good brothers out here who's smart, educated, career driven, homeowner who's looking for good women to get into a traditional relationship like our ancestors used to do. My advice to you is: Just learn to choose better not for looks but for the qualities he may bring. ⚘

Exactly. Thy are out there, but you may have. to look in different places to where you've. been looking.

@@Chery869 Women don't choose. Men choose, and women say yay or nay! And it's really not that simple as you lay it out. The society has created a bunch of weak 50/50 men, and women have to dive and duck just to find a traditional man. The society has created a minefield. And it's no joke.

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Who's tradition is this? 🤷‍♀️

What does your husband do for work?

You can do it!

All of this! It will happen for you ❤️

exactly!!! as woman, we should be working toward the goal of being a wife that is able to stay at home as singles.

May God continue to bless you on your journey

May the Lord be with you. May you hear His voice, do His will, and enjoy Him forevermore! 😉

So good!!!!

Lovely summary :)

@@hathaway5724 thank you! :)

Yes! Know your roles! 👍🏾

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We’re here for it too! 😉

Same! 👏🏾

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@@themarriagebydesign subscribing now. Thank you.

Well articulated!

So so good!

So on point👌

Awesome perspective. I guess we all have seasons of change and adjust lifestyles accordingly. Thanks for pointing that out!

Seems like they’re traditional but wealthy enough to still hire help for the wife, which is reasonable if they can afford it and with the number of kids they have. I would define any situation where the husband works and the wife doesn’t have a 9-5 as traditional. Maids, a nanny, and online classes doesn’t really mean the wife is sitting around all day not doing anything.

Exactly

@@Julian-zc9vm Not saying that she is not doing anything. But it's not the traditional way. Or what I would classify as traditional. Having a nanny isn't really part of the traditional package. That is more often something modern women who work outside the home do. Sure they can afford it but is it traditional?

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I wouldn't say it is tunnel visioned. The circumstances of many women who end up in traditional marriages that are abusive were usually different to begin with. Everyone makes choices. I'm not putting the blame on these women..let me be very clear. Yet, certain personality types do fall for certain things when they are not as educated about how things work. I would just encourage women to do some things on their own...live a little bit before they get into a marriage and that usually can help prevent them from falling prey to abusive relationships. The reality is that many women who end up in those traditional marriages that are abusive came from households where women didn't have respect to begin with. Or they came from certain types of religious households where they weren't allowed to have a voice and just follow behind their husbands. Many of these women already had low self-esteem and no confidence and the men saw that. And those are the women they want as wives because they know they can take advantage of them. And most of them women do marry these men willingly (because they have such low self-esteem they think they can't find better or are told this is their only chance for marriage). Again...everyone has choices. We need to be careful with the choices we make. We have to build up the confidence of our daughters so they don't think they don't have better options.

They also lack understanding that many women have had no choice, but to be independent and provide for themselves due to the lack of marriage minded men in the black community.

Let’s be honest. Women could not divorce their husbands until 1969. This is a time where women couldn’t open bank accounts or have access to the jobs they do today. Traditional marriages were a breeding ground for dominant patriarchal authority. I’m not making this up, if you read enough, you’ll understand why women of no color pioneered feminism and what power they are after. Today working women of no color by and large still do not pay for anything if they are working today in their traditional marriage, the money they make is theirs. Just ask them, they will tell you. Black women by and large don’t want feminism, they want traditional gender roles where the man provides, and women of no color are the pioneers of being equal to men. There’s a difference of want when speaking of the collective on both sides.

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So true

Which is why they are weak to begin with smh.

This would be a great conversation if we’re ever back on. Working on an entire mentorship community exclusively for men to develop character. There’s work to be done for sure!

@@themarriagebydesign I would really love to see this!!!

I agree. The man needs to adjust. He talks about men leading correctly

Thank you! Let’s keep it trending!!! 😉

Facts! A.O. has had a lineup of fire 🔥

Do you feel you took nothing positive from this conversation? Would you like to throw the whole conversation away? I'm genuinely curious.

@@lisacox3750 I’m sure people who desire a traditional marriage took something positive from it. I personally don’t, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting a Traditional, Modern or Progressive marriage. Do what works for you and yours. 🤷🏽‍♀️

DIA!!! Thanks for the love sis! ☺️

Well stated! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

The Bible does not sanction a man not providing for his family 1 Timothy 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

@@SarahR2D2 that can happen in any form of marriage not just a "traditional" one. And provisions includes more than money. Also keep in my the time of the Bible and how women were treated at that time. It was not equal in any way.

@@acolley96 A man that doesn't provide for his family is not traditional. The Bible transcends time

@@acolley96 No provision is definitely money. That was definitely the context the verse was in. Go ahead and make excuses of why you don't follow the bible but call yourself Christian

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you hit because I just became a nurse not employed yet and I am.looking forward to it. I have been at home taking care of the family for 5 years and I was happy but i cant wait to be outside of the house. Definitely balance

@@belindaa9971 absolutely life is all about balance. What works for some, may not work for all. Honey, I clutched my pearls when it was mentioned to stop working for other people......Maybe get a side hustle if you can. Congrats to you for joining the most trusted profession in the world, everywhere is hiring now. When you do what you love, it doesn't feel like work 🙌.

@@lovie1541 what is your specialty which department. Also entrepreneur's isnt for everyone lots of ups and downs and uncertainty they forget to mention that

Wow! Thanks for such a thoughtful comment! 🙏🏾

Agree especially with #3 because life happens. This is why I believe two salaries are better than one. If the man is working he’d need to make enough to support the family in the event if he loses his job or faces sudden illness.

Yeah, there's a need to address this. After reading Proverbs 31, it completely destroys that narrative. Women worked their family fields. They worked together in communities and with other women. Were they 'modern' in their times? Their stance contradicts the teachings.

And unfortunately it also overlooks the legacy of slavery and servitude and its afterlife. My great-grandmother had to work in her days. Staying home wasn't an option. My grandmother was able to stay home. So which of these two was more traditional. Staying home is not always an option and really depends on your circumstances and personal capabilities.

@@d.m.3753 yes thats what im saying! working doesnt mean non-traditional!!!

@@q_bzy they worked “THEIR FAMILY” businesses, and had servants just like we talked about. 😊

My only qualm is with "a woman that works outside of the home is a modern woman." In the 1800's and earlier, women helped at stores that were family owned. When crops needed tended or the shop needed help, women often worked. I just think it's important to make the distinction of "a woman that works outside of the home for another is a modern woman."

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I hear you! However, I wanted to encourage you to keep seeking what is meant for you. I personally do no feel that dating "outside" is settling. I think that if you know what you are looking for--and ask for it (I ask through prayer)--and it is brought to you...the outer packaging is not as important as the fact that you find the character and heart that you have been looking for. My partner is not of my race, and he is everything that I prayed for, plus so much more. It can really be rewarding as we open our minds and hearts to what can be, as opposed to what we feel should be. Best of luck and be blessed!

My grandmother was a nurse & married in the 30s-40s. To think that its modern is interesting. Its not that they didn't work traditionally but they have specific roles.

@@AskBibleNotes I feel it's what each person holds as being important to them and the vision they have for their family. Though we trust God for his will, we also do have a role in shaping it. If I'm in an all white church, most likely someone I'll find would be from that environment. Like AO some of us still value having a family that looks like us and building a successful black family without having to go through the dynamics of having biracial kids and all.

@@AskBibleNotes well said! I am open to the best male human for me lol some are strongly set on black only and that's their poragotive. It's only settling if you are going with something you really don't want and feel it's no other option.

@@otsam1050 um I could be wrong but I thought that AO was dating a White lady a while back. If im wrong let me know, but know that God does not see color the same way humans do.

It's both.

You are right. But men and some women have this fixed idea that women are supposed to work in the house cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids and ONLY this. Women are expected to be servants and only that. They can't be independent in anything. And herein lies the problem. It should be the women's choice. Not what she is told to do.

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Real recognize real yes? 😉

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Wow! That’s an amazing compliment! 🙏🏾 Thank you! ☺️

Super proud! 😊

It works because the man is not successful enough to provide the traditional life. If a man is successful he is less likely to want that path for his wife.

Absolutely! 🎯

thank u ..somebody heard what i heard!!!

I know one thing regardless...most folks are modern and our marriage culture has been a failure since the late 60's

I’m sick of single and married couples telling people what they need to do lol! The black community seems to be obsessed with these convos that do nothing at the end of the day because the ratchets of the black community who need to hear these messages most likely aren’t listening to these Ted talks.

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Never feel guilty! I'm praying to be in that position. Consider it a blessing, and enjoy!

@@delle3955 me too! Everyday I pray to be in this position after having my daughter 8 months ago.

Don't let society shame you. A lot of times degrees we get can be useful in the home. Women who get nursing degrees, education degrees, child phycology, etc can all be used to be better homemakers and mothers.

Do what works for you....that's what this western culture is now for good or bad. Imo both should communicate on big purchase items especially non essential

Same sis! If they like it I love it! Even when they talk about going into foreclosure and buying a house prematurely I was like it sounds like they’re on society’s timeline and plan verses what make sense for them. No thanks! I’m glad things eventually worked out for them though. It’s funny how ppl’s lives will be a mess and once they clean it up they start these Ted talks.

I get a bit confused when people say "do what works for you?" What does that mean? I know consciously what that means...but people do what "works for them" all the time and I also see where that has gotten many black households and the black community and it hasn't worked out well. We can't OK everything! We can't cosign everything! I don't know sometimes. I don't always trust that people really DO know what works for them. I'm just saying. I'm not knocking on your comment...I'm saying we need to have more of a conversation around decision-making. Everyone is not good at making decisions that will work for themselves or their families.

@@lisacox3750 you’re also on point👏🏽👌🏽 lol maybe what works for some might be taking advice from others.

Ok then! We made it in rotation for the week! 🙌🏾

I think it's hard for couples who married young to understand the dynamics of those who married in their 30's, later or remained single. Not everyone has the same opportunities to finding a genuine spouse.

I agree with that. Marriage will not happen for everyone. We all have different purposes Not all men should be give. A legacy. We are currently over populated that us one Two finding someone who fits you when your in a healthy place or at you best you is not always easy

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This!!! My other problem in this convo was them being mad at boss chicks, but then acknowledging the abundance of weak men. So what exactly is each party to do because a boss chick and weak man would be unequally yolked.

I agree. I was raised in a two parent home and was taught to be an entrepreneur and to be a leader. I am a Christian and feel God has given me a mission to do what I do. And my mom worked outside the home. She is a faithful Christian. God ain't blessing just traditional marriages. He blessing based on relationship with Him.

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Very true unfortunately. 😞

I understand what you are saying, but nothing they talked about really goes against what you said if you think about it. I think we focus too much on "the woman stays at home" and we think that equals bondage or something. This woman is clearly very intelligent and independent in many ways. He even talked about how his wife has her master's degree and he doesn't even have that. She worked outside the home for several years. It isn't like she has no clue how things work. He talked about how she is very versed in finances. So, if anything happened to him she isn't going to be lost. She will be fine. Also, I think there is a lot of confusion about traditional women. I don't think people realize that many of today's traditional women are not lost/confused like the women of yesteryear. No disrespect to our grandmothers and great-grandmothers. But many of today's traditional women are educated. Many of them have degrees and worked outside the home for years. They know how to pay bills, they know how to take care of a household, they can do lots of things. They were already doing it. The difference is that they decided once they had children they wanted to be there for their children. So, they stopped working outside the home. If anything happened to their husbands - they aren't going to be lost. They still know how to take care of things. I have several friends that are now stay-at-home moms and all have them are highly educated, traveled, worked corporate jobs, did all of that. They continued working early in the marriage...and then once they had kids they decided to stay home to homeschool. They don't have any regrets. I think it makes a difference also that my friends got married and had kids a bit older. They got to live their lives in their 20s and then married and had kids in their early to mid-30s so they didn't feel like they missed out on anything.

@@lisacox3750 I know many who have done it differently with or without the label of traditional or modern and achieved the same outcome for their family, if not better. The same goes for single moms and single dads. There is no one-size-fits-all. To each its own. As for me, I need my own everything! Divorce is always a factor as well.

Excuses. The "boss chick" is a bs masculine MENTALITY that NO MAN finds attractive. Notice how its females that are the ones that came up with the term and give themselves and other females that label lol. My wife doesnt have to worry about me getting sick or dying...she taken care of either way. Right when we first got married I took out long term care insurance AND life insurance on myself. She taken care of while I'm living, while I'm sick and when I'm dead.

Glad you could hear it here! 😊

To answer your question - we have to get out of this mindset that traditional means the woman can't work. No one said she can't work. People have the wrong idea. I have friends that I would say are in traditional marriages. All of them contribute greatly to the household. All of my friends who are in traditional marriages worked outside the home before marriage. They had great incomes. So, they went into the marriage with a lot of money and have nice nest eggs. I believe this is very important. I think it is important for women to find themselves first before getting married (that should be true anyway). None of my friends are dependent on their husbands. They had lives before they got married...that's the key. And they still have lives even with husbands and children - they just have to balance it differently. They aren't tied to their husbands and can't move without them. That's not how it works. We have to get out of this idea that traditional marriage equals bondage and being codependent. If anyone IS in a marriage that equals bondage and there is codependency that is a problem! That is different than what we are talking about here. Traditional marriage is still based on love and respect. It's not abuse. The only difference is that each person understands they serve a role. Also, I know plenty of women in traditional marriages that still make their own money. In fact, many of them are entrepreneurs. They write books, they teach piano lessons, they develop courses (curriculum designers), they bake cakes that they sell, or they make jewelry that they sell. And they do well at this. My friends were making more money than their husbands when they married. Yet, when the babies came...my friends wanted to be home with their babies. Also, it's called family planning. People really need to do that. In the cases of my friends - their babies were well planned out. My friends worked until they gave birth. By the time they had their babies ...there was plenty of money for them to be home and allow their husbands to move up the ladder. Now, their husbands are making good money and there were never money issues. I think family planning is a bit part of the issue. People need to take that more seriously. We need to stop this idea that it's shaming people by being honest. Data doesn't like and doesn't care about our feelings...the reality is that family planning is better for children. It's better for children when they are born in an environment where they are going to be loved and the people taking care of them are prepared for them: financially, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I know this may sound harsh, but I don't mean it to. People need to learn the power of their decisions. Unless someone puts a gun to your head - you have a choice. You have options. People need to accept the choices they make. No one HAS to get married before they are ready, no has HAS to have children if they aren't ready. These are choices. We have to accept whatever comes with the choices we make.

what if the sun never rises and the sky turns red?.. they look like smart enough people who would have a contingency plan in place.

My husband consults with me about spending money

Modern feminism = competition within relationships and overall

Amen! I’m sick of all of these marriage convos. Someone sent me this video, so I watched but I’m over these convos. Everyone just needs to find a partner that has similar values and vision and then do what works best for them.

It's an unnecessary fight. We should be focused on healthy marriages and healthy individuals and what that looks like for each couple. And it will be different for everyone. God does not bless one marriage type over another.

As a black female physician, this speaks to me. I completely agree.

That is the norm now traditional ways are rare in today's society

Perfectly said

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Same! My husband and I don’t have kids yet (planning to try this year) but I am working remotely/from home and supporting him. Once I took care of everything around the house and supported him so he can focus on work, his career has really started to grow exponentially. I think that’s because he feels supported to focus on work and has space for that. (Plus we been praying of course 🙏🏽.) Good luck

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Agreed

Because I'm a nurse, that went right over my head. So, yeah. Lol. However, those are female dominated career fields. I doubt that that is why he said that, though. Lol. Good observation.

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Well thank you Traci! 😊

Exactly I’m not understanding the black community being mad at boss chicks. How is she bothering you that’s just weird energy lol! I bet if there was a woman saying she loves to cook and lives to please her family they would be praising her. We are not a monolith. Let people do what makes them happy and find what works for you.

@@talkswithjas7959 PERIODT!!!😩💛✌🏽✌🏽 👏🏽

And not all boss chick's fit her narrow definition.

Thank you! 😊

Thank YOU! 🙏🏾

Do what you have to do and if you can work toward a plan to come home, make it happen! It’s not easy but it’s worth it. Be encouraged!

@@themarriagebydesign Thank you so much for the encouragement! I took a leap of faith in God 4 months ago and left my situation, moved to another state and is now trying to see how I can work from home and be a better mom to my younger kids. By God’s grace and mercy, I’ll be able to accomplish this….. Thanks again for showing the importance of a traditional family. God Bless!!!

@@neneosei7168 Thanks for the advice, but sometimes that doesn’t work. I did that before and he still didn’t step up. It’s the mindset that’s missing/the ability to be a real traditional man.

YES! Build around priorities!!!

That balance is rare....the culture to emasculate or bring home competition vs working has a union is the norm nowadays