Why You Shouldn’t Share Your Private Life Online - Mary Harrington (4K) 

If you want to get more perspective on the parenting data and "stranger danger" topic, you should interview Lenore Skenazy and Emily Oster from the U.S.

I need to hear this because it's not upbuilding

Social Media is overvaluing being interesting and people completely forget the interpersonal value of showing interest. Opinions are really just a personality prosthetic that can only extend your actual personality with one single sentence and sophisticated mating calls.

Anyone know who she’s referring to @4:29?

@@Roberto-ie6hk I was thinking about Josh Harris in the documentary "We Live In Public" but that might be to old of a reference.

This is treasure.

Thank you for giving me this quote!

That's the best thing I read today!

Love this. I have traveled a lot over the last 2 months, was only home for 2 weeks out of 8, and I was feeling bad about not taking any pictures or posting on social media at all. This quote makes me feel better about it. 🙂

@@WeartheGoodSocks, "... I have traveled a lot over the last 2 months …" So much for "Travel and tell no one." ;-)

💯

Because loneliness is the kryptonite of invisibility.

​@@Untilitisnot I slightly rephrase: _Being a Loner is the kryptonite of invisibility._ A Loner is typically introvert, maybe on the Aspie spectrum, and perhaps shy as well. In today's world, a Loner mentality is a real superpower. When all others flock together for superficial transient appearances, The Loner can detach, be alone _without_ loneliness, be inwardly strong, and achieve enormous knowledge, competence and achievement - or just peace and relaxation. The Loner can live on intermittent Zoom meetings, while others go stir crazy, and long for the _Return To Office._ The important thing, is that the Loner has the choice, to join-in, or not. The alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts do not have the choice. If they withdraw, they feel psychologically damaged, and may actually be damaged. I say let the _alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts_ return to The Office. They can fight and entertain each other with tales of self-importance. Just let the introverts and Loners work from home, and get s*it done. The Loner is not necessarily a monk or a nun The Loner will engage when there is obvious social enjoyment and emotional relationships, but, more importantly, has the power to withdraw, without penalty. Some online places characterize the Loner as the _Gamma Male._ (yes, Loners are related to Aspie-Spectrum, which is related to maleness). I prefer the moniker _Steppenwolf._ First, it alludes to the remarkable must-read novel by Hermann Hesse, but it also harks back to the primordial Indo-European legend/practice of the outcast young males (mirroring the wolfpack) forced to live or die together, by adversity, challenge, creativity and discovery: _"We few, we_ happy _few, we band of brothers."_

Attention and affirmation, what most people don’t receive enough of in their childhoods :(

Yes, look at what Sauron's ring of power did for Gollum!

People have overshared on the internet since sharing on the internet was a thing. I remember in the mid 90s AOL chat rooms titled things that would literally get somebody arrested today. I remember young people sharing private pictures on Tumblr. I remember when people posted pictures of marijuana bongs on Facebook.

Honestly she just needs to make her account private and only let people she knows follow her. Friends, Family, Acquaintances It’s not rocket science. For me personally that is how I use my instagram. I only follow people I’ve met in my life. And the same for my followers. I like seeing how people from different times of my life are doing. You don’t have to post constantly, but 2 to 4 times a year of some event or achievement is discreet enough. And if you are afraid of haters…. 🤷‍♂️ It doesn’t matter what you do in life, there is always going to be someone that hates you.

Being mid-30's, I only have Facebook and use it for close family and friends. Making a private account is definitely the way to go, especially as your profile increases. I feel bad that Mary has reached the point where she avoids taking pictures in the first place.

What makes you think what goes on line can't be changed due to A.I. ! It's just beginning my friend! Stay safe.😁🇨🇦

Yeah, I'm a millennial but still grew up with only a wood stove for heat til I was in middle school. Didn't have internet until I was in high school. Original iPod came out my freshman year of college and I didn't have a smartphone til I was engaged. The things just honestly weren't as widely available then and considered more of a luxury item. Probably as such, social media has always made me so uncomfortable. It's so fuckin weird. And it feels real good to not feel the desire to scroll.

...should I tell him? 😄

​@@ozturkberkayy LMAOOO

Agree

​@TuffLuv1984 It's surprising how many times I've seen people post on RU-vid that they don't use social media. I guess it's a little bit different than other media platforms since most people are just reacting to content and not creating their own content, but it's still social.

@@TuffLuv1984 no its not, its a video sharing site with social elements, but not full blown social media in the same way fb/ig/twitter are.

I agree! My personal archive is pretty dope (imo) and i find it priceless. But anytime ive shared any of my pics online, it has always made me feel "cheap" ... as if it almost takes our value away from how unique and special our lives truly are.

Depends on the type of dog, but yeah, almost everyone loves dogs.

I can concur with Chris...it's because dogs are better than people.

It seems astoundingly obvious!

Fully agree with you!

What is obvious to you may not be obvious to others. And what is obvious to others may not be obvious to you.

how to become well-respected : state the obvious in a public setting

@@mackprime6975 So, using your logic on this subject... If I posted my bank card details online and then people used them, that would not be 'obvious' to me, that would/could happen? That is so worrying if you disagree, ha!

I’m rereading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and I am noticing all the times of the day different cues are hitting me. And now I’m working on changing my routines

RU-vid is social media

"If you're sharing your private life on social media and not making money, it's a waste of your time and effort." Key part here. Yup, and it's even worse really, as you might actually achieve what you intended to and presented yourself in the best light possible, meaning that people will envy you over the fake life you created online that doesn't exist in reality.

Yep. I keep reminding myself of this.

@@Untilitisnot they are likely just using google search and logging in briefly to bring in their 2 cents.

Her background gives her a more politically literate and coherent point of view. She's a former leftist that has a Philosophical Materialist lense that she uses to navigate the world.

you can do both..

​@r.walker7986 it amuses me that people don't realize. Like if you take some photos, and genuinely enjoy taking those photos, it doesn't mean you've shared every single beautiful thing you've seen and that you didn't take time to smell the roses in between. This is just more narcissistic, "I know how to live better than you."

@@chaoswitch1974 That's how you feel when you see another person enjoying their life, in a way that you are not. In reality they don't care what you in particular think or if you ever see it... Lets stop projecting in 2024... Other people are not winning just to make you a loser.

I too took film camera pictures of Rome on a high school trip. They’re all gone now and I don’t give a shit, I can see what Rome looks like any time I want.

She is very pedantic and snooty patootie. Talks too much and too fast. Can't listen to her hard edged voice no matter how much sense she makes. All of this could have been said in half the time. All she does is give me one massive headache.

The left and right are mostly just a modern phenomena, at their core they often serve to galvanise eachother.

As a conservative woman, I found her critiques thoughtful & useful. Allie Beth Stuckey is another gifted woman who speaks on all these subjects and gives very detailed input.

She espouses one view, but as she went on, one could clearly ascertain she says one thing, yet would vote for the very people she thinks has the wrong social views due to her association with everything "right" as being "far right". No thanks.

I agree. It’s important to have a strong sense of self and put bullying in its place. There’s also tools to mitigate it on a lot of the apps.

Yep. I’ve almost completely cut out social media except for RU-vid and LinkedIn. The prior because I think there’s some actual value here and the latter because of business networking. Probably need to cut out RU-vid too, it takes too much time up.

Yes, good point. Psychologists call it the internal locus of control, as opposed to the external locus of control. Hard work to reach this point but worth it. People are constantly looking from outside themselves-from TV, social media, even in relationships-for validation. Best to do the work within.

I mean, you're absolutely right. BUT, worrying about other opinions is hardwired into human nature. What we need are broad teachings about how to train minds to fortify against this. Social does the opposite....

Okay whatever "thalisasmusings". You're using a handle. And for a very good reason. You know full well that people are uninged online and will seek out any leverage on you they can find over the smallest disagreements.

I kind of understand the urge, I just don't understand why do people proceed to do it. To me it's similar to the dumbest thoughts I ever had, where something occurs to me, but then I quickly proceed to dismiss the thought as I can easily see what the drawbacks are. Well, apparently most people don't see what the drawbacks are. Makes me wanna start a life extension supplement business if you know what I mean.

Because it's a economy. Worldwide - job and gig working - you must sell your self for every agency.

@@deniseproxima2601No. You sell your service and not yourself. I do freelance computer work (no WWW) and I don't use social media at all, and I am doing fine. Nobody needs to see what I had for breakfast this morning or what I did last weekend.

Feminism isn't liberal, its progressive, ie authoritarian, its basically communism in a dress

It has a lot more blindspots than Mothers.

No wonder, it and all the other ideologies it's attached itself to are practically anti-natalist.

Me too 😂 but as a teacher I see how kids are growing up into a workd where sharing everything is normalised

There is some truth to that. It was the celebration of it with audiences in tow that really spawned all this social media stuff too.

I would say it create both

Only the first one.

Only the first successful one.

That’s actually not true at all if that was true woman wouldn’t throw there children away. Giving birth and being a mother are different.

Same here there’s tons of kids at my workplace and I used to feel really awkward and nervous around them because I thought parents would be super skeptical about me. Or even saying a kid is cute to my wife. I learned to just say eff it and call the kid cute and interact with the kids. I have good intentions and like kids so I don’t have anything to be ashamed or afraid of

Yeah that is sad. But not for the reason you think. People are so afraid of authenticity and it's so rare that most don't even know how to respond to it.

​​@@chaoswitch1974 It's naive to think that's why their indifferent. Saying poeple are are scared of authenticity sounds like a liberal talking point. I think it has more to do with the fact that they don't know you and the Internet isn't really a good place for moral support.

I know lots of kids 4-12 and since they were infants they have been taught never to put anything online. They can't even "like" videos. In my house the only internet they're allowed is on the television in the living room. Their parents are millenials and learnt the hard way the dangers of social media.

@@grannyannie2948 yeah I took RU-vid off our TV, there was happy kids app or something which I thought would be ok as it was 'age appropriate family viewing', but that seemed to be full of pushy parents making vlogs with their obnoxious kids about unboxing countless presents, so that went too! 😂 My two do both have a tablet each and have an app on those where they can watch a few RU-vid videos but only from a preselected handful of creators, and those have time limits too.

Step up mama bear. You and yours are the ones to teach your child the right values. Not the state, not social media, not television, not their friends.

Simple Dont Give Them Phones

I'm Australian and in under another video I have been discussing this with people in the UK. I have spent months in the UK and the children, especially the teens were very badly behaved compared to my country. But I also saw they were not socialised in the same way children are here. We literally saw shops with signs saying, Dogs welcome children Are Not. We photographed the signs because we didn't think people would believe us. It's not so much that every thing is child focused with adults interacting on the sidelines, though there is that, but also that activities that are adult here are designed to attract entire families. For example pub's ussually have a family dining room with an adventure playground or an indoor play room. So even going to a pub for a meal and a couple of drinks is fun for the kids as well as the adults. On New Year's Eve our town had a street party. For the little ones there was face painting and merry go rounds. For the teens there was trail bike riding. For the adults there was boutique beers and live bands. In recognition that young children could not stay awake until midnight the fire works display is scheduled for 8.30 pm.

That actually sounds a lot better than the US, @@grannyannie2948.

I lived in the UK for about a year as a kid and I distinctly remember that hugging and kissing between child and parents always felt very out of place in public (whereas in my home in Eastern Europe, it is very natural), almost on the outer border of acceptability. People wouldn't stare, but it probably did make them at least a little bit uncomfortable and the locals never ever did it. There was definitely this hint of "Is this a predatory person?" on everyone's face when they saw it.

From the UK. Live in the US (9 years). Travel back all the time. This is, on aggregate, very accurate

That's just bizarre and creepy, @@balazsfoldes4700. Kids need affection and love. They need to feel secure and safe with their parents. Not hugging your own kids is freakish.

I feel the same way about dog owners.

I get the same vibes, I'm social media free for 5 years now I definitely feel like an outsider,but I don't have fomo and I know I'm better off not scrolling endlessly

Single mother households have the worst outcomes. Look at crime and other stats. It would be better for a child to be raised by even a single father household, but preferably a heterosexual or homosexual couple is best.

I'm not at that part yet, but does she address infertility? Because a couple that really wants kids but for whatever reason the mother cannot gestate, I feel like they should be able to have children if we have the technology.

@@j2174really? The worst outcomes? More than those born to addicts, sociopaths, violent criminals? You are based

@darcycolbourne2565 Well that's exactly the problem. In modern society we feel like the desires of adults supercede the rights of children. It's illegal to separate a puppy from its mother in the first month, but with humans we suddenly don't see the issue as long as the would-be-parents "really want" to possess a baby. A couple's desire to have a child, however strong, does not justify prescribing attachment issues to a child by separating from its birth mother, plus all the potential psychological effects on the birth mother. I would recommend watching Olivia Maurel's interview on the Relatable podcast/RU-vid channel. She was purchased through surrogacy by a regular couple who just really wanted a baby, and she talks about how the whole surrogacy process is a lot more dark than people realize

​@@friedawells6860 Two issues, one minor and one more significant: there is no law banning separation of pups from mothers that I'm aware of. Good breeding practice keeps them with the litter until they're fully weaned and independent. Second, and bigger...define a mother. If the child is genetically not related to the surrogate, then it's an extremely vague and under-researched connection to make that the long-term effects of growing up with otherwise biological parents are harmful. And I guess a third point...babies have been adopted out since the beginning of time. Plenty of adopted people will tell you that their adoptive parents are their real parents and that they're extremely grateful that they grew up as they did. Plenty of biological children will tell you they wish the state had removed them from their parents due to abuse. Humanity is complex, and there's ample evidence that a human being can grow up psychologically well after being separated from a birth mother.

I don't think I would have posted anything myself. I've always hated having my picture taken, but I doubt that my mom would have respected my privacy.

I can Really relate to the "Phew" part of your comment. 😅

There is an Australian book, My Brilliant Career. It is a coming of age story about a teenage girl set in the 1890s, published 1900. The over emotional girl is sent to her grandmothers. And the first thing the grandmother did was cover every mirror in the house for many weeks. Without telling the grand daughter she ordered her a new dress. When the dress arrived the grandmother threw a part. When the teen girl was in her new dress and ready for the party she was finally allowed to see herself again. My adult height is five foot so I still couldn't use a mirror in your childhood home, lol.

@@grannyannie2948 that sounds like a marvelous story - I love that it was written in 1900. *** (lol)*** oh, you probably would have gotten a glimpse of your forehead in my families home.

@@e.s.l.1083 It was written by Miles Franklin and is still easily accessible. And lol, I'm not so keen on mirrors now I'm older.

@@e.s.l.1083 PS There was a movie made in the 1980s. Hubby and I watched it recently.

@@grannyannie2948 oooo I found the book in audio book🗣📖 format here on YT - I am going to richly enjoy this study. TY. In reference to time... I was somewhat taken aback that this movie 🎥 has enjoyed its 40th anniversary. That took me a second to process. 40 years since 1979 How time flys. You know, with the world as odd as it (now) is, I am somewhat richly gratified I have lived during the era of simplicity that I did. __________ This is somewhat off topic, yet... if you enjoy 'a twist' you might appreciate this: The face 'we see' in the mirror, is not the face that the world sees. Our face are Asymmetrical, and a mirror reflection flips that. Thats why most folks are (in a way) dissatisfied with their photographs, because they are 'unfamiliar' with 'that face'. __________ Anyway, thank you for turning me on to this literature. I see that this book also might be about a writer, I look forward to driving into the audio book. Take Care, I very much appreciate having had this exchange. ❤

Her dating and relationship takes are dog sh*t but economics and it's relationship to society are good

I'm also Australian and neither as a mother or grandmother have I experienced what Mary describes either. I've been in a conversation about this with people in the UK from another video. And also the differences in behaviour of British and Australian kids. I spent a few months in the UK about ten years ago and we honestly saw signs on shops saying, Dogs welcome, children Are Not. We photographed them because we didn't think anyone in Australia would believe us.

I'm terrified personally, which is hilarious, because I love kids probably more than most people, let alone men. Most parents can sense that though

@@user-bb8sw1jo6o I think it depends where you are. So long as there are lots of people about like in a crowded supermarket it shouldn't upset the mother.

My Fb is private for friends and family but I use insta for business only. It’s not rocket science really. I dunno why people feel the need to share EVERYTHING about their lives with absolute strnagers

I've wondered the same thing, and that for a lot of situations I wouldn't personally think of pulling up my phone...

I would film this profound statement right now with my phone, but i can’t because I’m watching it on my phone, so I’m just gonna snap chat it and post it on insta fane to remember to keep it real.

Love that good stuff and I totally agree!!

I agree completely and I'd add that grandkids are even better, I hope you get to experience that in the future too.

Yes , however in the wide two-shot the lumens at top of frame needs to be brought down a little bit and perhaps a little color matching between cameras in DaVinci. Just kidding. It’s just fine..

Exactly. Seemed so puritanical

I've been watching Mary for ages she's fantastic, well worth searching out.

You don't know or care about these people yet you read their posts and view their photos?

So for a gay couple no babies?

@@sp6990 They can't have babies so adopt if they want that

@@sp6990 And even then when i was a kid i liked having a mum and a dad would not want gay parents

I'm an Australian woman and I've never had to worry about that. I have noticed a difference in the way children are treated in the UK to my country though. In the UK I've even seen signs on shops, Dogs welcome, children Are Not. Here it is the opposite dogs are not allowed in, but children never get left outside.

It’s strange that a woman wouldn’t understand why the woman has to be the one to speak to the child. Quite frankly I would call the police before speaking to a lost child myself.

@@partiellementecreme I think it depends on the place. As you say a shopping centre carpark. So presumably there are other people about. A men on his own could get enough people aware that his actions are clear. But obviously if he has a woman with him it's more suitable for her to speak to the child. But as a parent you should be aware that it's not just strange men you need to be wary of. Some awful abduction cases have involved a couple, a man and a woman.