Why YOUR Silence Always Wins Against a Narcissist 

I went No Contact after one phone call. The Narcissist let it go to voicemail. I KNEW instinctively he was a Narcissist. I had been researching on You Tube. 10 years gone in a day. They throw you away in a trash can. No Contact for me was a no brainer. That being said it was BRUTAL coming off my addiction to this con artist. You have to face the truth. Give yourself Grace and realize these soul rapers do not deserve to hear your voice again.

Don’t react, they want reaction whether negative or positive. They CRAVE the attention. It’s all about them and never you ❤

That dog is living the good life.

That dog is how you’ll feel after ridding your life from a narc. Peace😊

“They cannot manipulate you, if they have no contact with you!” BOOM! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👊🏽👊🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

Silence equals peacefulness. Anytime I attempted to engage, peacefulness went straight out the window. Silence is a sanity saver.

On target! Go silent. Works every time. The key to freedom. Avoid them like the plague. Go silent and ignore the lunacy. Be at peace and set yourself free.

Silent treatment from a narcissist is quite welcome. They volunteered to stop annoying me.

One thing is for sure your dog is not worrying about narcissists, he's loving life on the sofa.

Silence and absence is needed to control the narcissist.

They must believe they can be something by making others feel like nothing.

The silent treatment is brutal, God give me the strength to let go and walk away 🙏🙏

i don't even want to "win". i just want the abuse to stop

Never give a narcissist your power or control. Stay away from these people. They're no good for anybody. A narcissist will only hurt you. They don't know how to love.

YOU ARE NO LONGER HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH THE DEVIL. Praise the Lord. Thank you for that!

Go no contact with the narcissist, they only hurt you. They're crazy people

Your silence makes way for them to be faced by inner accusations.

After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!

Remi's chin on the pillow is cracking me up, though

SO MUCH DRAMA with them, BYEBYE!.......lol

Walk away, ignore, have nothing more to do with them and get on with your own life and dont care what anybody thinks or says about you and see how you become happier, contented and enjoyable your life can be.

Eventually, after decades of serial behavior, the caurosel attracts no riders. Narcissistic decompensation has begun.

The narcissist uses neglect to manipulate, demoralize and control. The empath uses silence to protect him/herself. That's the difference.

There are two reasons I place credibility with this woman: 1) Often she brings up the spiritual aspects of narcissism (Often ignored by other commentators), and 2) The Yellow Lab on the couch. Nobody who spoils a dog like that can tell you an untruth

Never Ever seek vengeance, pray to the Almighty Most High for Justice. The pillars of his throne are Righteousness and Justice. Vengeance belongs to him ONLY.

I'm emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically drained from the narcissist

They upgrade their behavior after each relationship, looking for the perfect facade, it becomes more and more evil. I loathe this person... no contact for over a year. Loving life again. 😊

It takes such a huge amount of self discipline and control to go no contact and maintain. 11 years with my mother. 7 years with the ex husband passive aggressive covert narc I set myself free. They are pure evil. The best revenge has been to be happy and successful

Tell your Narcissist, If your phone doesn’t ring- it’s probably me!!

The drama and smear campaigns really become too much. It never stops! All we want is a peaceful life! No contact is the only way.

It is soo easy to go silent on this demon, love quickly turned to hate after his horrible wicked treatment to me

My mother is a narcissist. I'm 61 and found out when I was 55 what a narcissist was. Up until then I thought it was my fault. Her mother hated her and it was because my grandfather didn't want her. My mother was a product of a one night stand and my grandfather married my grandmother under duress (at gun point and my great grandfather was the one holdingthe rifle). He joined the army to escape. My great grandmother took care of my mother until she died at age 53 when my mother was 10. From age 10 on my grandmother raised my mother. She hated her because she looked just like her dad who didn't want her. She showed no love toward my mother. I don't think my grandmother knew what love was even though my great grandmother was a loving person and mother of 8. But I think bitterness got the best of her and she lashed out on my mother. My mother doesn't know what love is. She is cruel, she has no empathy and can't have a normal relationship. She can't apologize and is always the victim. She treated my father like crap. I witnessed this when I was a kid. She initiated the divorce. My father remarried. She talked about my father to my sister and I which was wrong. After the divorce she shifted her need for supply to me. So from the age of 18 through 55 I experienced a non empathetic, victim oriented, gaslit mother daughter relationship where there was always a 3 month on 9 months off relationship. She talks about me to anybody that will listen and they can't see through her mask. Alot of ppl can't understand why I can't have a relationship with her because they had a normal relationship with their mother. It's hard for them to understand but it has to be like this because I need my sanity. I am a mother of 3 men now. We have a great and close loving NORMAL relationship because I refuse to carry the curse. I do struggle with rejection issues because of my upbringing but I'm surviving and thankfully am around my kids and grandkids. I function everyday. She's 83 almost and I regret not being in contact with her but it's out of necessity. Watching these videos gives me strength because sometimes it seems you're the only one in the world with this issue. When it went on but there are possibly millions of others who know what this is like. Thank you for your video and others like it because it helps.🙂

I went silent for a week with my 14 year Narcissist and he died this Easter 2024…Now I’m grieving and seeing 100% clear what he was , what we were and the pain of it all. I knew him as a child in 6th grade .. He was abused at 10, coped with drugs & alcohol in HS.. somewhere I’m thinking in 10th grade he began changing after he OD w/LSD, then he became a Christian at 21. Was sober and kind but Incrementally became prideful, arrogant and used the scriptures not out of love but to be legalistic. I was love bombed when we reconnected at 37.. I was so happy as he was the sweetest guy..I remembered him how he was and always tried to get him to reappear.. I was so confused. Since he died It’s been like coming out of mind control. I’m so hurt but he was deaf & blind to the truth of himself..I feel he listened to the demons he let in & they destroyed him. I can’t believe I put so much hope and work in us for nothing. 😢I trust God with all of this. He’s healing my heart. The Holy Spirit has been giving me peace🙏🏻❤️ Prayers for all in this type of hell.

Don't underestimate the narcissist. They are sent by the devil to destroy you. Just don't react and go quietly around them. Go silentl, as if they are not there, they are an empty shell anyway.😄

The narcissist's silent treatment is equal to solitary confinement in prison and it's a cruel and unwarranted treatment that narcissist's like to dish out. Narcissist's don't want you doing to them what they do to you and their silent treatment is a good example of their shocking double-standards. Narcissists have a fear of rejection so they reject you first to avoid having to go through any pain. They want you to suffer for them and they don't care how much you suffer. Let them suffer the pain of your silence it's the best thing you can do for yourself as any words you say to them can and will be used against you. Good video.🌟

When I saw him at the store, it felt like I was looking at a stranger.

a narcissist sees others as territory a psychopath sees others as food

*Forty-six years of being chipped away as a primary scapegoat.* I didn't walk away to "win against the narcissist", I simply left it up to the narcissist -- our mother -- to call, visit, write, etc., which she had never singularly done since the day I first left home at 18; and she never did, but she sought supply as my victim of abandonment. She refused to be an adult. Before I walked away, she reliably marginalized, maligned, dismissed, smeared, ignored, denied, envied, slandered, gaslighted, projected, and physically abused me, apparently from the day I was born. Her screams, "I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!" was her authentic, honest sentiment. After I walked away, other family members expressed concern about her antics, like screaming "HE HATES ME! HE HATES ME! HE HATES ME!" As you said, after I walked away she started chipping away at whoever was available. Eventually everyone at least briefly walked away from her, even her golden children. I never wanted to walk away, but her scapegoating became very public and embarrassing. For the sake of my mental health and the well-being of my own family, I had no choice.

Even during the relationship silent, slow relaxing days were boring days to the narc. 😮‍💨

I was in a legal battle with a narcissistic sibling, so I couldn't go 100% no contact. What I did was to go no contact myself but hired a solicitor. My sibling went mental, as he couldn't argue with me directly anymore. Unfortunately, I had to spend a lot of money for the solicitor, but it was worth it. My mental health really improved not having to deal with that sibling.

I wasn't able to go silent. I was hurt, crying, going to social media, etc. I sent several emails until the Narc replied to one of my emails by saying "LEAVE ME THE FK!! ALONE". That helped me to see what kind of person this Narc is. I don't feel hurt anymore because of this person, I'm just numb. I know that this person has no ability to have a successful relationship with anyone.

Narcs peck for attention like woodpeckers. Took me a long time to recognise the attention seeking ‘ever-pecking’ hoovers that mine deployed - he was noisy for attention - well, he tried. As an empath then I demand consistency - without that then silence is the majestic weapon I will use. It’s my absolute right. #noapologies #notever

It seems like as the years past, they not only are the same type of character...but they get more and more spookier.

The triangulation is something I really can't stand. It's demeaning to both partners and they both lose in the end while the narc ego pumps off the conflict they create between both parties.

Once I figured out the Narcissist Silent treatment, Isolation and Smear GAME I ADOPTED THE SAME. I went silent, no response to smear. I isolated & Blocked from everyone that isolated from me which was family members. After 7months they stared the smearing through family that weren't involved in the drama. But the slander became VICIOUS AND MEAN to get a reaction. I'm still quiet. The Narcissist is unwavering and becoming CRAZY. IM WINNING BY COMPLETELY IGNORING THEM AND THEY ARE GOING CRAZY

After 45 yrs if dealing with a mother in law, who is definitely a malignant narcissist, who had discarded me after my husband died, no Contact has been absolutely necessary! No obligation to someone who has treated me so badly over the yrs. Her over action, insults, Saratoga, criticisms and jealousy and envy. Enough is enough! Left quietly and moved away. Absolutely No Contact! FREEDOM!!

No Contact is absolutely necessary for healing the Soul, no doubt in my mind. No revenge, live well, live happy, focus forward, and don't look back!!

People in body jars lined up on a narc shelf in a dusty old archaic museum where everyone is dead. The Narcissists and their territory.

Love listening to your break downs on narcissism. It's been a tremendous help.

Sent a polite goodbye note. Wishing them all the best for the future. Absolute no-contact since.

Im at a point where his drama bores me. It's uninteresring negative and nothing ever gets resolved. Thank you❤

a wall of pleasantness, and ultimately silence, its the only way it works to protect yourself.

They enjoy giving the silent treatment and yet they can't deal with it when you return the silence. Double standards. (I think they think they can read the subtext of a post or comment really well and yet they have not apprehended it correctly most often.) I learned something here. Message received. Thanks Paula.

Sadly I lost my home. I could write a book and tbh may well do, if it helps one person not to go down the path I did, it will be worth it 😒

I love how the dog is living a peaceful life in the background, just like anyone who leaves the narcissist. You will instantly feel relaxed free and totally content ❤☺️

Interesting to consider that narcissistic silent treatment is when a narcissist ignores and avoids interacting with you to punish, control, or communicate that they are unhappy with you. It's a form of manipulation, and this toxic behavior can negatively impact the victim psychologically and emotionally.

You want PEACE? Get off social media, keep IT REAL!

It's true. Also, stonewalling them helps. I said to one narcissist - "I'm not accepting the communication you are giving me" it drove her nuts. 😂

I love these in depth podcasts, Paula. As usual you are incredibly insightful, articulate and provide many lightbulb moments. It's also lovely to see the cosy fire, Remy and his pillow, and your lovely self and beautiful necklace. Going silent is difficult, especially for an empathetic person, who would normally never dream of ignoring or blocking a person they once loved. But for us it's about self preservation, not punishment. We take a leaf out of the Narcissist's playbook and do something good and positive for our wellbeing.

I’m 33 and I’m completely alone because everyone in my life turned out to be toxic so I decided to go completely independent and let go of everyone I knew. I might be lonely but I have god and I’m in complete control over my life besides work but I can always find a new job if it doesn’t work out but as my living situation goes I’m in complete peace and it’s great. I feel like there’s nothing stopping me now to become the best version of myself. I can save and grow and plan my life just the way I like it. No person in this world is worth taking that away from me, I know now. Not that fake loving narcissist that only takes and takes and on top of that destroys, ohh no this life is waaayyy better.

Interesting, I saw the narc at my local shopping shopping centre. I've been no contact with for 9 months, I didn’t get the blank stare, I got hello how are you? Through pursed lips I could see the contempt on its mouth expression. When I stared ahead blankly, the narc then said, not talking, huh? I kept walking, no reaction. There is way more here too much to put in this comment. Good analogy with the map, I would love to hear a video on how to cut spiritual ties with this narc please.

I had the experience you talked about when after a period of time when I had to have contact before my divorce, it was like he was a completely different person than the person that I knew in my marriage, so bizarre. Also, keeping silent, and not allowing them in in any way, really is empowering, I’ve been able to maintain zero contact for almost 5 years now it’s incredibly liberating! Thank you for the validation and encouragement, Paula!

I think you are amazing. You are a true inspiration.

No contact stops you being abused. It is amazing!!!

Stress was killing me, as it had my Father. Moved away from Mother and golden child brother. They are so angry no communication. My blood pressure has dropped 20 points! Constant stress and toxic influence will take years off your life. They don’t know how to love, only use and abuse.

I'm in love with the dog! He can teach us all a thing or two about how to relax.

Today is the last day for my meds.

Silence is working fine for me vs my Narcissist.

Great video again. It's always nice to see Remy so comfortable.

It was 3.5 years. I went no contact but I'm sure he doesn't really care. There's always somebody else to manipulate.

To show how messed up and hateful they are, I cut all contact and moved far away. The narc got her Husband to call me, because she is blocked. He went on to say that they felt I needed help and they would pay for a shrink! Unreal.🙄

i feel lighter after watching this ❤🙏

Something similiar has happened because he is giving me the silent treatment and after that used someone to cause triggers of jealousy as part of showing her off for their work "project". I think he wanted me to reach out, beg and have some sort of meltdown but I have kept my silence.

Paula..I appreciate what you do. I love Remi too, he is the best example of living a great life!

Thank you Paula this video was perfect for me. I can remember the first silent treatment, it was after the six month mark. It was only for a couple of days however at that point we had been chatting every single day and I just got back from seeing him on a trip and I was still feeling great from being with him. So it was shocking for me, I was feeling panicked and reached out asking if everything was ok even, or if I did something wrong. Terrible. And I allowed that to pass and then it happened more and more each time I said something he didn't like. Stood up for myself and that I was hurt. I let all of that go. And they become a week to two weeks. Honestly it was the worst abuse I ever felt, and confusion from the reasons he would tell me why he was ignoring me. So fast forward I am 84 days no contact. He said he needed a break from me over a text, I was very empathetic and said that all we needed was understanding and extra care and communication. And I was very loving in my last message and he never responded. We all have choices and that was his choice and I just need to stay strong. Thank you

Finally, I am starting to understand that a narcissistic person is a life force that has no real identity of it's own. Although, this concept is still difficult for me to comprehend. But, I do, totally, understand that it is a real phenomenon, since I have lived in amongst it for most of my life, having been born into, and raised in, an extremely narcissistic family. But, I still find it hard to understand how a life force can have no real self=identity. These entities must go through life as if they are like zombies, or robots. It's very scary, and creepy, once you realize what you have actually been dealing with, for most of your life. It, literally, is like living in a horror movie, but you are supposed to pretend that it is normal reality. But, nothing about it is normal, or real.

When you were talking about how when we believe in the mask they project it made me realize why mine gets so angry when I tried to confront him with things he did to me. Because when I do I am disrupting his mask. And he immediately has to shut that down. That was the thing that bothered me so much with him was never getting any truth and honest communication from him. But you can’t get honest communication from someone that’s pretending to be somebody they’re not. I saw a post somewhere that said “when I lost my emotional attachment to you became so ordinary. It was my love that made you into this person that was so special and without that you aren’t that special”. It was a very big eye opener

Omg! He JUST reached out. That rock is back in my stomach and my heart is racing! Its physical repulsion!

Staying silent feels like a weak muscle that I'm overworking. I accepted if I take him back again is disespecting myself. Staying strong. Still in shock.❤Much love❤

At 21:26 you refer to spiritual energy and how they can tune in to the target's energy. You said you would save that for another video and I hope that you do - I will be very interested.

Yes, they want inside your thoughts. Stay silent and they're not sure what move to make, charm, suggest, etc. to make plans in their favor. It's how I was able to disconnect from one. It revealed their inauthenticity. If you go silent, they might leave you .Great, let them, it's the best thing that could happen, theyll leave you alone when they think theyve won.

After being gaslit, devalued, criticized, used for outward appearances, making their problems mine, joining the army to prove I was worthy and not the lazy bum she made me out to be,always being selfless in hopes they would see that they do mean something to someone and affect others I was finally discarded. All my belongs were put into trash bags lol all because I told her "no" and started calling her on her bs I was silent about for years..anyway exactly 1 year later I'm 30 years old and making 6 figures with no degree. She knew I was capable of making it where I am today. That's why she tried so hard to keep me on her level so I wouldn't leave her..and I wouldn't have had she been a regular human being. Now I make it a PERSONAL mission to make sure I'm always looking my best, I even go to our gym when I know she'll be there JUST TO IGNORE HER! And subliminally let her know I'm out of her reach and I've grown past her. I think ignoring is definitely good but when you can play the same underhanded mind games and ignore them at the same. It's amazing 😂 I forgive her for being a coward but I have no mercy for her or those like her and I'll spit fire all over her whenever I can without going out if my way to remind her" just because you're a failing coward , doesn't mean I am too..maybe youre just WEAK" ..always trample on snakes and scorpion and force them into the holes they crawl out of.

ahhh, love Remy sleeping in the background looking so sweet and so cozy ... he's living the good life thank you for this video

The worst is him using my daughter as a flying monkey. I can’t figure out how to deal with it. Everyday I pick her up and it’s another long session of what dad did and me responding. I’d rather be stoic about it all but i strongly feel the need to point out to her that these behaviors are wrong. Of course doing that very thing lets him know I’m upset with his behaviors. It’s a nightmare.

It's very telling that they use the silent treatment - because that's the ultimate punishment for them. Brilliant! Makes perfect sense.

Only God can heal us !! Thank You Jesus for a better life with You.

The way you explain this makes their behavior makes sense to me.. It is crazy to say but true.

So good to see you and hear you.I'm really struggling right now and Your wisdom is always welcomed.Hope you're doing well God bless

when my wife divorced me years ago , my world collapsed . at that time , l didn't know this is about me been a Narcissist person . Just learned that , not long time ago . I already apologized to her about it , but my conscience isn't free yet . I'm looking forward , to confess that grief fault . Thanks to bring that problem

I think i was lucky or incredibly smart. It was a bit over 2months. But something in me screamed to get away. He told me "then go be alone". After all the chippin away on my self-worth in those few weeks. I trusted my guts and what was there, some outside force. I got a short insight of a relationship other people go trough for years. I couldn't do it to myself. Been trough enough in my life for it to get really through to me. There was one incident. I saw right trough him. I saw trough the mask and the pure form of soul. I will never forget those eyes. How empty. From that point i already knew it was over i just didn't know how to end it but i did it. Told me i was radical. Yes, yes. I am. There is no healing them. No matter how much love you give them. You can d** for them and they wouldn't care. So that radical "bye-bye" is the best you can do.

For the narcissits your life is just some ressources somewhere for the emptiness which really could have been theirs...and nothing more. Thank You!!:))!!👍💫🌷🌟

Silence is beautiful to me,,,now go away

I understand Cluster B Disorders quite well; but had never thought about silence in your context. No contact is ultimately how I dealt with the situation; but I went no contact because you can never win with these people. It makes tremendous sense that "silence" drives them nuts because they cannot triangulate or manipulate.

I never knew about narssisim but I believe there were always many narcs in my family. I choose to not live around them.

Love the Remi is so relaxed ❤. Spent a lifetime raising children and dogs and horses. Spent a number of years as a horse trainer. Another trainer, who bought several horses from me for her clients, told me that she thought all trainers put a mark on their horses. She said that my mark was that my horses were calm. ❤ ❤❤. That does not come from a fake and chaotic environment. Love that Remi clearly lives in a solid environment ❤👍

I'am so happy right now, no contact and i block the witch narcissist phone!!! My life changed for the best, i quit alcohol, i'am on seminal retention, i eat better, i do sport !!!!!! Game over for this evil creature !!!!!

During silence they take, take, take.. well maybe posting names on a bill board or maybe all the ones that's covering up, hiding and helping them need to either speak up or be exposed for bullying and abuse also🎉 I come against the ungodly spirit (s) that uses people and anything it or they can to do their evil/wicked work; may that evilness and plots, plans & schemes be destroyed in Jesus name. I speak life over all lives; alive to live LIFE IN THE LIGHT OF THIS WORLD; May today and everyday be a bright shiny day; as the Lord has made🌞 blessings 🌞

The day he moved out ,i wished him happiness. That was the last time i spoke to him. He tried to email me as if we were still friends. Why would i want to be friends with someone who abused me in every way throughout our marriage.No thank you. Going no contact was easy for me because it was the healthiest thing i could do for myself

😂l made a silly mistake today. A friend of mine was driving me to a particular place that we were both going to and it happened to be past her place and I told him to slow down and I'm glad I did because she's got a different car. You see she stalked me the first time we broke up, so it's handy information. I've been clean from her for the past 13 months but I still need to protect myself. Best of luck to you all. Xx

I aspire to be at the level of chill your dog has in the background lol