It's been 7 months since my wife of 20 years unexpectedly died from what seemed to be a mild cold. The first months were pretty raw and brutal. I've moved into a phase that's emotionally muted. The constant raw pain has faded but there's a numbness now. I still get those rogue waves of emotion that knock the wind out of you but even there I'm a little numb. I'm grateful that I'm not a basket case any longer but finding happyness or joy seems to be a ways off. I can put on a 'normal' face for my son and those around us but it is just on the surface. We live in the mountains so we get some wonderful sunrise/sunsets. My wife and I always loved going outside to watch the sunrise/sunset and chat. Now I can watch them and acknowledge the beauty but I don't 'feel' anything like I used to. Life currently feels like that movie Groundhogs Day where every day is the same and I'm just going through the motions. My usual hobbies and habits don't hold my attention. Laughter has been very rare. Hopefully the numb phase isn't a long one, I don't like apathy and procrastination. I'm not sure if the numbness is a self protective thing because of those months of pain or if I'm just emotionally burned out. I'm trying to be proactive and focus on the positives such as being glad that school is back in session. A couple of months of no school with a semi verbal hyperactive 15 year old was challenging. Trying to stay healthy, diet, exercise, plenty of fresh air and sunshine. Our 21st anniversary is in a few weeks and the holidays aren't far off so maybe there's an upside to the numbness if it lasts that long. But I don't want to give up the positive emotions just to avoid the painful ones. Hopefully happyness/joy/laughter isn't too far off, I do miss it. Our home was always full of music, laughter, pranks and teasing. The house is pretty quiet these days. Grief is an interesting experience if you take a step back and look at everything you're going through. I recently read a comment from an entertainer who had lost 2 of his sons, he said that a significant part of aging was the accumulation of loss. That was a perspective that I hadn't thought about before.
I lost my husband the last of June very suddenly. I found him. The pain is very hard. I have to make some changes rather quickly. I am having to sell everything and move out of my house. There was no life insurance and I don"t make enough money to stay. I also found out some things on his phone that I was clueless about. It just mage the grief worse.
Actually, I feel like I'm betraying my mother on the days I question why I should keep on living. I know she would be upset that I have such thoughts. I don't regret my life. It's just harder on those days to see something to work towards or even look forward to. I haven't given up. It's just that I still have moments I have no sense of why I am still here.
After losing Jack, my great love for 60 years, I am afraid to feel joy. It's been 4 months, and guilt is a handicap to moving toward being happy. Yet I know in my heart Jack wanted happiness in my life. Thank you for your advice that this is a new season and it is temporary. That was an ahah moment for me. I will begin to think about what I want in the next season of life.
Hi Penny! 60 years is incredible and I’m so glad Jack would want you to be happy. Send me an email and explain to me what exactly makes you feel guilty! Lets talk it out so you can release it!
Hi, Catherine. My wife died very suddenly and unexpectedly during a physical therapy session. She collapsed on March 7, 2024 and was pronounced dead on March 9. It has been very traumatic. I was there during her last conscious moments. We were married for 31 years. Anything like happiness is a long way off for me, I believe. Just basic functioning is difficult enough right now. My three children are all adults now but seeing them missing Mom so badly makes it worse.
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry. I get that you wont be happy for a while but I do want you to know that you will regain your footing in time and you are allowed to feel moments of joy when you are ready. ❤️
I lost my father whom I have been looking after nearly 5 months ago for half of my life , it’s so painful to wake up and not see him on his chair , his bed , I kept his favourite coat , I don’t think am gonna be the same person again . Sometimes I don’t know how I feel to the point I ask my self : what’s wrong with me?
There isnt anything wrong with you! You are grieving. You are 💯 right, you will never be the same because of this, but you can do it. Carry his wisdom and spirit with you. Share what he meant to you!
