I went into this thinking something interesting or informative was going to be said or pointed out but it seems like this video and open letter was about absolutely nothing besides this specific bride and her bridesmaids.
Also kinda economical on the part of couples and bridesmaids. Kinda straightforward and not fussy and I like it. The point of it all after all is to celebrate their wedding and have a good time with the guests.
@@Bat_Boy except when you consider having too pay for five to ten other dresses on top of the other wedding costs it’s not feasible for everyone considering that they bridesmaids dress is fitted and owened by the bridesmaid and not the bride. And it’s typically not expected for a bride to pay for the bridesmaid dress, also if people have to travel for a wedding the technically counts as spending money on expenses that you can’t afford. There many costs that go into a wedding that most of the couple to be married is not expected to pay for. If someone is comfortable paying for something or even wants to than it should be allowed and the partnered should not have to shoulder that cost. This was a long response to small statement, but I think your failing to take into account the cost of weddings and what other people are comfortable pay. I think it’s reasonable for bridesmaids to pay for certain thing as long as they were given advanced notice, request wasn’t crazy, and they were comfortable with it.
I was invited to be in 3 weddings in one year. One was for a coworker and I tried to get out of it due to the expense of the other two. I was shamed by my boss and basically forced to be in it. It sucked.
I wish my ex-best friend did this before calling me “irresponsible” for being poor and denouncing me as a bridesmaid. Then covid hit, so she didn’t have ANY bridesmaids 🤐
This just happened to me, too! There were boundaries issues, too, but I was not financially ready for what she wanted... guess she had a good time anyway. I also had a good time eating cheetos on the couch watching a movie with my husband.
Haha! This also happened with my best friend from college. At the beginning of the pandemic, after receiving VERY little information, and being asked to buy the dress on the day the pandemic was declared, plus fearing job loss, I called her and told her I wasn’t going to be able to be a bridesmaid, so she went nuts and stopped speaking to me...Florida wedding ended up canceled, because um, COVID.
@@kelseycoca Ex-BFF: You are irresponsible for being poor and not spending money you don't have on my wedding! Karma: Hold on, gotta take care of something really quick....
I got conned into being a bridesmaid once and that was enough. This letter would've saved me so much time & money because I didn't know what I was getting into.
@@yen-8680 long story short, a family member asked me to be a bridesmaid, chose the UGLIEST expensive orange dresses she could find (she chose orange and cream as her colors). She made us use her seamstress who was terrible and couldn't hem a straight line if her life depended on it. She changed the venue and decided to have the wedding out of town so I had to pay for unexpected travel costs. The maid of honor bailed so I ended up being assigned all HER duties and doing half the wedding planning. The bride looked great, but we all looked like sad tangerines in those gaudy overpriced gowns. That was several years ago and the marriage didn't even last! Never again! 😑😤
Right??? I loved how everything was out in the open and she made the option of saying “no” seem totally open, understandable, and perfectly reasonable. What a great bride.
@@milkeyway7105 bridesmaids are honestly just the people you know will help with your wedding and/or support you through the whole situation. Bachelorette party is loosing you up of the nerves before the day
Maybe she's not being extra, but it is definitely a very type A thing to do. Kudos to her for being transparent and staying true to herself. From this, the bridesmaids should definitely be able to expect what they are in for.
Same. I expected bridezilla, but her letter made complete sense and if you are asking someone who doesn't feel confident to ask those questions, this is a great way to give them the info they need.
When my parents got married my mom had 8 bridesmaids. She paid for their dresses and everything. Her mom covered the bridal shower. Her bridesmaids only had to show up for dress fittings and show up on the wedding day. The 70s were simpler time.
@@JewelBlueIbanez My thought has always been that the financial burden of a wedding is 100% on the people getting married. It was your decision, so why should anyone else be shelling out a bunch of money? So I'm glad I saw your comment, because most of the rest of them seem to think it's standard that bridesmaids would also have to shell out thousands of dollars (for a ceremony that's not even theirs!).
I didn’t have any bridesmaids in my wedding because honestly I would personally have been appalled if someone forced me to spend all my time and money on their wedding or stop being my friend...I’m still just as married 11yrs. I dunno maybe other people are closer to their friends in a way where their lives intersect like that but it’s extremely weird to me. At least this woman was open about it, but I would have been the gal turning it down.
This woman actually cares about her friends. She didn't JUST include the letter she was considerate of other people's adult needs and didn't want anyone spending their rent money supporting her. This is great.
She still cared more about the looks of her wedding than her friends. Maybe it's just me but I would rather have that special group of people at my wedding wearing what they want and be themselves (the reason I like them in the first place) than do without them because they are not in the position to splurge on a dress in a certain color.
@@Kimeesunshine Yeah I know but don't you choose your bridesmaids to play a special part at your wedding because they are your closest friends? Why would you miss out on that for looks?
Sookielein What look are you talking about? She said the bridesmaids could wear whatever style of dress that they wanted. People who don't care about what their wedding looks like at all don't have wedding ceremonies. We went to the courthouse because weddings are stupid 🤷🏾♀️
@@CHOICEBETWEENFEARANDLOVE a control freak wouldn't put so much care and thought into making sure there were no surprises for OTHER PEOPLE. a control freak does not care if someone else is surprised or put out, they just expect compliance to their way.
I was a part of a wedding and the bride also gave me a transparency letter of expected costs and commitments and the opportunity to say no! It’s very reasonable.
This seems to be an American thing - in Europe if you are a bride's maid you organize a few games and that's it. No special costs or commitments whatsoever.
I agree. I'm in Europe. I got married last year and had a couple of bridesmaids. Their "responsibilities" were to organise the bachelorette party (if any of the couldn't attend it was absolutely fine). They had to guide the guests at the beginning as well as some cultural traditions,, pose for wedding photos, and just have a good time. I asked them to buy their own dresses but I gave them the option to choose whatever they felt like wearing, only matching the colour I chose. I just find it so strange that in the US and other parts being a bridesmaid is so expensive. Brides should be more mindful of what they ask of their friends.
@@molybdomancer195 Oh well paying for their dress and attire like any guest I find normal. But what else is there that makes it so expensive? In Europe each guest just shows up, dressed in what they want and noone has to pay for anything else.
@@surlespasdondine US weddings are just very expensive in general, I think that’s the main difference. Between spending money for your look on the actual day, you may also be expected to contribute for the bridal party and the bachelorette trip. It can all add up quickly
This letter is so awesome. It represents maturity, consideration, kindness, and TRUE friendship. If I were to be asked to be a bridesmaid, I would appreciate a letter like this.
This is very nice actually! First of all, you should ask someone whether they want to actively participate in your wedding, and not just take it for granted. Not everyone has the time, money, or mental state for that. I'm so sick of people acting like their special days are obligatory celebrations for every person they happen to be friends with.
I had a friend from my military service who wanted me to be the one to throw her a bachelorette party.. she didn't ask me if I wanted to, she just told me to do it. Unfortunately I was her only girl-friend... But I was on my first year of my first degree and I was broke and she matried on my exams period, so... I told her - sorry, can't. And she didn't take that easily, called me a bad friend. I came to her wedding and I was the only one there who was a fruend of hers. Just goes to show that attitude is a thing and getting married doesn't exempt you from being a decent human being. My bestest friend in the whole world got married this year and I organized her a bachelorette getaway just the two of us (corona times...), paid for everything on my own and she set her marriage date so that it didn't hurt my studies (I'm a second degree student now and we are practically sisters so it isn't as weird as it sounds... She chose that date, I didn't have a say in it)
I was not even asked if I wanted to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding from college. She just assumed I was going to be one, in a phone call. When I told her I thought we had drifted apart and weren't really hanging out as much, (we lived 3 hours away in different states) she became so angry at me, that she disinvited me from her wedding completely. Her expectations of me just jumping in to be a bridesmaid just because we had been friends from college, and didn't factor in our current state of our friendship (which I thought was unbalanced at that point) just showed me who she really was.
I've read a lot of reddit stories regarding weddings where they it ends friendships/families because the bride wants more, so this should become like a standard so everyone could see what they're signing up for.
@@kitaboo206 yeah. Same here. I didnt expect it to be as demanding especially with how me and our friends our i thought it'd be laid back. Lots of expenses and then i couldnt go to the bachelorette but still put money down for it, and was still reemed out by the mom for forgetting my duties. Saying i should have never accepted. Fun times. That was at the peak of some really horrible anxiety issues for me mostly unrelated to the wedding.
It's a little tacky. Too bossy. You're supposed to trust your friends. Being a bridesmaid is ez. Plus, it looks like she already knows exactly what she wants so why does she even need a bridesmaid LoL
My bridesmaids didn’t ask to be in my wedding, I asked them. When my cousin got pregnant and didn’t want to wear heels, I was 100% ok with that! I was so grateful to them for giving me so much of their time and love while I celebrated. It’s great to be transparent, but it’s unfortunate that weddings have become so over the top they are necessary.
Yea, well, most of the time it's the brides who ask them to be bridesmaids in wedding, and the people chosen sometimes feel awkward to refuse. Her transparency letter allowed them many exits and negotiations, removing the awkward parts.
@@LinneAzalea there are stories of women being told they are no longer in the party after they get pregnant, because they won’t fit into the dress 🙄 I’d already had a kid by the time I got married, so I would never have expected her to wear anything she wasn’t comfortable in.
@@bluearchangel665 Being a bridesmaid should be nothing more than someone you love standing with you to celebrate. It shouldn’t come with ridiculous obligations that would make someone want to decline in the first place.
@@BandlerChing Yeah I know, which is why the bar is so low it's like 6 feet under. I can't even imagine what kind of terrible human being a bride would be for either forcing a pregnant woman to wear heels or even to exclude them from the party. So it really saddens me when people even feel the need to type it out, that they're NOT major dirtbags. That should be the bare minimum standard. Forcing anyone to wear heels is by the way a d*ck move in my opinion. I'm so happy none of my friends were like that at their weddings. I've been a bridesmaid twice and the only requirement was that the bridesmaids' dresses had the same color. They even gave us a multitude of colors to choose from. Like one was a summer wedding and the only requirement was "pastel" and that they were at least knee-length
So true I think it clears out so much and avoid a lot of confusion that could come and the uncomfortableness that could from inquiring these somethings (All though I don't agree with how the video edit says "normalising transparency" as if it was brides before this were like Facebook ads slowly taking time and money 😂😂 just my opinion)
Simple wedding. No bridesmaids. No groomsmen. Minimal cost. No reception. Fancy dinner. 6 people (including us). We opted for a big honeymoon rather than a big show.
Sameeee, I used a dress that was literally $50 bucks and we planned a whole month trip to Japan instead. Stress free and debt free is the best way to start a marriage
I should have gone that road. I regret having a big wedding. It’s not really all that big, it could even be considered cheap by some, but we exhausted our money on that wedding and postponed our honeymoon.
@@calliopemuse3210 there's no such thing as cheap wedding even if on the more minimal cost once you factor in feeding too many people and renting things...ooooo no. We didn't even have a cake. Well lol we did...a mocha frosted yellow cake with pastry cream filling. It was good lol
We got married in church during mass. I wore a dress I already owned with a new white cardigan, my husband bought a suit. We could host all people we wanted for the ceremony and then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant with the 30 closest. I think we might have paid maybe 500 € in total.
@@CherryBlossomBlyue I recently saw a repost of this bridezilla cutting off her family, friends and even fiancé (now ex lol) because they weren't willing to pay $1500 per person to go to her wedding
I wish adulthood came with a transparency letter. I'm in way over my head and I had not idea half of this stuff was going to happen in the first place.
@Middle 8P or they didn't have a proper mentor in their life to SHOW them what adulthood would be like. It's not automatically someone's fault that they don't know something if there wasn't anyone around to teach it.
This is normal! We have an age that means adulthood but adulting is HARD. I've taught k-12 and I try to tell the late elementary and middle schoolers but they are so anxious to grow up...and it ain't all that! By late highschool most students are starting to understand that ...hey...what's coming next is HARD.
I've always thought it was weird to invite someone to be in your wedding then expect them to pay. The part about the dresses is GREAT! Everyone can shop in their budget.
@@user-gv2pk6sf8n Exactly plus she said that they were allowed to refuse. Obviously you will not be in the pictures with her, but you can do as your budget allowes you to do.
I paid over $100 per person to attend my wedding. They got free food, alcohol, and entertainment. I don't think it's weird to expect the guests to pay for their own clothes. What's weird is when it's too specific and for too many things. Like my sister had to be a bridesmaid to a "bridezilla". She was only a bridesmaid because others had dropped out and she needed to find more. She made them pay for so much. One of her friends even told my sister that she wasn't contributing enough. She didn't have that kind of money! She even made the make up and hair appointment for her at a place that charged her $100 to look cheaper than she would have looked if she did it herself. I didn't do that for my wedding. My bridesmaids did their own hair and make up. All they paid for was their dress which I picked out the color for and they got to choose the style
I always thought it was weird for the bride to pay for the tuxes and dresses. You aren't expected to say yes and if you re you got some really crappy friends. You should never have to feel obligated to say yes and since you aren't you should be required to purchase your own dress especially since the bride isn't wearing it ever
Imagine buying in to the whole wedding show scam. I had a friend spend 30k on her wedding, go into debt for it and when she came home from her honey moon she still lived in a crappy one bedroom apartment. Girl are you high??!!? Go in to debt for a house not party.
My wedding is going to be in that $30k range but we're having a 2-year engagement and both of us are picking up extra jobs to save up for it! Our goal is zero debt and minimal compromises. Honestly most of the cost comes from the travel to the wedding location (near my family, which is 2000 miles away), but everything should be nice and low key.
I refused to go into debt when I got married. Especially being so young. I had a very small wedding and paid cash for everything. It turned out very nice and we've been married for 20 years so far.
@@thaimor1391 Zero debt is always nice... but if you're using two years' worth of savings on a wedding, then you're literally throwing away a giant chunk of your future together for one day. The way compound interest works, and assuming the stock market doubling investments on average every 7 years or so like it has for the last 100 years, $30k spent at age 25 is nearly $2 million you won't have at 67. Enjoy your cake.
@Bryan Couillard exactly. We spent under 1K on a small at home wedding with about 20 guests. Fast forward 20 yrs later and we are VERY financially secure. Purchased all our vehicles in full, even bought a house cash. Compound interest is the way to go. Lavish weddings amongst the middle class are immature and irresponsible. No wonder half end up in debt and in divorce.
@@bryancouillard2016 I don't personally ever want to get married, but different people have different dreams. If someone wants to have a more pricey wedding then so be it. We only live once and the money is meant to be spent and not taken into the grave. I'm not saying I would ever put that much money into a wedding, but if it's the biggest day for someone then sure, go for it. Just have a plan.
My thoughts exactly 👏👏👏 I never seen the point in wasting all that money just for 1 days pleasure...but I'm the same about Christmas too. So many people cause themselves so much stress over trying to impress the other people that they lose the essence of the occasion at hand. It should be about being with the people you love and hold dear. Enjoying the moment without the stress of who's getting what or how can I afford that. People are way to materialistic these days. I had a simple ceremony with zero stress. I refuse to buy into anything that causes stress.
@@4kidsnaheadache wedding is no pleasure. Don't know how many brides telling me they are starving or exhaust, whenever I whisper "How are you feeling?" You can tell they want to rant
Or just pay off your debt(s) like that huge amount you still owe after graduating from university/college or any other loans you've taken out for the sake of making life move forward.
I can't even fathom losing a friendship over bridesmaid issues. If someone can't be involved in your wedding, just accept the fact that they have a life too.
Happens so often. I've just lost a 10 year best friend friendship. She was like a sister to me but after helping her find venues, finding her makeup artists, her photographer, helping her pic photo styles, babysitting her son while she went to test cakes, taste food, look at the venue again, get a dress fitting, and me not being able to find a dress that fit or suited me and even offering to make it myself instead so it looked good rather than like a sack... She decided I wasn't being "enthusiastic enough", called me a toxic friend and dumped me. Good luck to her future husband, I never realised she was quite so selfish until she became bridezilla. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married sooner rather than later because his mum isn't well, she wanted me to not plan anything or talk about anything until after her wedding and honeymoon because she wanted everything to be about her. Yeah. We're not friends anymore. 10 years down the drain, my firstborn was going to have her name as a middle name, etc. Not happening now.
I wouldn’t trade my las vegas wedding for anything, took me about 2hrs to plan and about 5k including a week in Las Vegas enjoying ourselves. No one was invited it was lived streamed 🥰
5000$ for a week in Vegas. That's wayy to expensive for a week. Could've planned over a month in a foreign country, Or a month traveling the US, Or relaxing on an island somewhere. You could've spent a month in Vegas for cheaper.
Jennie Smythe maybe they wanted a specific thing or activity that costs a lot during their stay in Vegas. We don’t even know what they spent that money for so we can’t say for sure if it was worth it or not. Plus if their dream destination is Vegas, then there isn’t really a much better location that’s more worth if.
@@jenniesmythe8188 they probably splurged for some special amenities like a fancy hotel room/suite and activities they’d wanted to do for ages but never had any justification to spend so much money on.
Same girl! Planned in early December for a New Year’s Day wedding. Dress was $300 off the rack from a prom store took about an hour to decide. We payed for flights and hotel for my husbands son and nephew, but everyone else payed for themselves. Bottle service on New Year’s Eve and reception dinner at Tao was about $3k. Had a ball and was completely stress-free!
I had 3 people in my bridal party. I let them choose their dresses, just all in the same color. I expected nothing from them except to be there. My bachelorette party was 2 out of the 3 and me going to the Ben & Jerry's ice cream factory. I never understood why members of the bridal party are expected to basically be servants to the bride. But that's just me.
Same, I had 3 bridesmaids, 2 lived far away so I didn't expect anything but showing up for the rehearsal and the wedding. Paid for their hotel room and hair and makeup out of my budget. They just needed to buy the dress. Did the same for the groomsmen. I also told them what was expected up front and gave them the option to say no.
Because for some people, there isnt enough struggle in their life so they have to go to extreme lengths to create a challenge to overcome or a day to feel more special then they really are. Big expensive weddings accomplish both of those things for women who have more time and money than meaningful friendships.
It’s time the whole 'wedding competition' thing stopped and people who cannot afford extravagance being somehow feel less about it. She’s not making 'Bridezilla’ demands about weight, tattoos or hair colour, she’s merely saying what she is willing to pay for. No hard feeling for those who cannot themselves afford a bridesmaid's dress. Experience tells me someone is a lucky person sharing their life with someone with so much fiscal and common sense, honesty and openness.
Why is she asking her friends to pay for her wedding? Having them buy clothes in the color she wants and flying places etc. I think its selfish. If you can not afford to pay for your guests, don't have so many of them. In europe it is common to have 1 bridesmaid and they are dressed as they are pleased.
@@beepbopboop7727 I don't know about all of Europe but I know we used to have big weddings where bridesmaids had work to do and responsibilities (no idea about costs). But that was 40 years ago at least.
@@iyananana5701because common sense tells us that the ones getting married should pay for THEIR wedding, but as they say "life is stranger than fiction"
Think that is in America in the uk the bride normally pays for the bridesmaids dresses and make up if having someone do it . Then it’s up to the bridesmaid if she buys a gift ( everyone invited normally does buy a gift ) and how much she spends . There isn’t a thing where you have to an expensive gift to cover the cost of your meal .
@@iyananana5701 because the couple IS supposed to!! Asking the people in your wedding party to pay for their shoes and clothing for YOUR wedding is….tacky, quite frankly.
At my wedding I had zero bridesmaids. Why put your friends through this. I also had short vows and a intimate candlelight dinner and party after wards. For me it’s not about “the dress “ or “ it’s my day “ it’s about the commitment I made to my husband and the commitment he made to me. It was perfect. We have been happily married for 12 years now.
Our wedding was immediate family and best friends. No bridesmaids. Gorgeous sunny day sailing down the river on an Edwardian Steam Boat. The cost was next to nothing compared to the amounts mentioned for the “average” wedding. Still together 23 years later.
I had a small wedding w/ two bridesmaids. they are close friends that signed as witnesses & helped me get dressed. They got to wear what they wanted. It was all about having my best friends stand by my side.
Exactly, your love and commitment doesn't need an Oscar worthy performance and show, good for you and I hope this type of wedding will be the norm, big OTT and flashy weddings......oh no, pls NO!!!
I’m getting married in august and it’s such an intimate wedding that rather than making it a ‘big thing’ I’m not having a bachelorette party, or wedding dress shopping or even bridesmaids. Everyone is independent and busy enough as it is. Also in the end I’m not trying to show off, i just want to get married.
👍 amazing! Have a beautiful wedding and married life! I got married in March and it was very intimate due to lockdown but that was always our plan anyway. No bridesmaids, just 2 witnesses. Perfect, low cost. The marriage is more important than the wedding..
That's the way to go. I think weddings these days are extremely over the top and some couples end up being broke and fighting over money after the wedding. It's not worth it. Rn, if I'd get married I will just sign the papers travel the world for our honeymoon and give a casual party/ bbq at our house. A friend of mine spent all her money on her wedding. Even took some loans and people trash talked her wedding because they did not like the food, etc. Idc what other people think. The wedding is not that important to me but the marriage is.
I didn’t know bridesmaids are supposed to pay for anything at all until I was asked to be one. I thought the one who’s asking me should pay for everything. New lesson learned.
I didn’t either when she said it is tradition that bridesmaids paid for their dresses I had no clue. Because I have heard both of weddings when it’s covered and when it’s not.
Yea I don't understand why anyone but the 2 getting married should pay for anything to do with the wedding or honeymoon.. even more funny when a bridesmaid doesn't get to pick anything to do with the dress, but is expected to pay for this dress they'll never wear again because it's chosen by the bride for her specific day..
@@josephine4611 thing is not all brides force their bridesmaids to wear the same dress regardless of their comfort, style and budgets. Some brides have very loose rules such as having one specific color (sometimes even different shades of the color can be worn) and length the rest is up to the bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid for 2 weddings. In one the bride wanted us to wear specific dresses and styles so she paid, in the other she let us choose our own styles but the color had to be the same and it had to be long. I chose a dress that fit my budget and I knew I could wear again to someones wedding as a guest or to a nice dinner.
This is great! Being a bridesmaid was financially debilitating the first time I did it. Since it was my first time, I had no idea what to expect. I calculated the cost at about $2,500 between vacation days off that I couldn’t use for myself later just so I could attend all the events she wanted me to go to ect. leading up to the wedding. I was making practically minimum wage and it was really hard. When I got married I decided I would pay for everything for my bridesmaids because I just wanted them to enjoy themselves. It’s probably an unpopular opinion but I think if a bride can’t afford to pay for the wedding party’s expenses, then don’t have a wedding party or just elope.
Yep. I would have loved it if someone gave me heads-up like this. I am a person who pulled out of a friend's wedding for this exact reason a few years ago. When I said yes, I didn't realize the cost involved. (It was my mom who had to tell me, and give me the lay of the land, as I literally didn't know. lol.) I was living abroad, and between the cost of hair, shoes, makeup, dress, flight, and the bride's request to have a mandatory stay overnight at a hotel, it was going to run me 3,000 dollars. I had just started a new job and realized it wasn't something I could afford. I didn't calculate the loss of vacation days ( that was smart btw). But in the end, I decided it wasn't worth it and said no. I also never wanted to be a bridesmaid in the first place (which she knew), so it was an easy decision in the end. (Although I did feel bad). lol
@@angelica462 She was also very young and probably didn't understand the costs involved since she was one of the first to get married. She thought that we'd love the dress/shoes and want to wear them again but I hated them haha! and a lot of the cost I considered was taking days off of work because I was working weekends at the time so I had to take vacation days to do things on Friday/Saturday. Most people probably wouldn't consider vacation days when events are on a Saturday but that was my life at the time unfortunately working in a call center open 24 hours.
i'd expect my 'wedding party to pitch their own tents...lol. They wdn't all have to, but someone's gotta help out! If I don't have pine cones in my hair, I haven't had fun yet?|!
I didn't have bridesmaids. Just a maid of honour to help me with the dress & bouquet during the ceremony. Saved a ton of money! If you want to hang out with you girl friends, and throw a party. Do that! You don't need a wedding. There are more important things to spend your money on. I don't feel comfortable to be asking 7-8 friends of mine to spend money on my wedding.
I agree. I didn’t want a wedding because we had to pay for our own wedding and were not able to pay for the bridal party and all the grooms men’s suits. My husband insisted on it. 4 years later I still wish we would’ve just gone to the court house lol and saved that money for a down payment on a house.
@@jessielynn THIS! I am a bridal makeup artist and let me tell you, the amount of money people spend yet tell me they're "struggling financially" is more in a month than I can't count on both hands and feet lol. Normalize people having small weddings and using that money for other more important things!!
I've noticed that bridesmaids who get to pick the style of their dress are much more likely to be willing to pay for it themselves because they can get something that can be reused later. Many of us will buy a new outfit to attend a wedding, so I don't see it as an unreasonable request. But just that - a REQUEST.
Agreed! It's ridiculous to expect your friends to "invest" in your wedding like they don't have their own expenses. I wonder how many of those brides making said demands actually end up dishing out themselves when they are bridesmaids of other people's weddings.
I didn’t know this was a thing until recently. I paid for everything for my wedding, and when I was a bridesmaid everything was paid for. Except travel costs. Is it a cultural thing? Like, is it just in the US? I’m interested to hear!
@@rachy48 In my country it is considered proper etiquette for bridesmaids to pay for their own dress and it is implied that brides will select an affordable style that can be worn again.
I said "No" to being a bridesmaid to a cousin...and I hope she understood that it came from a good place but I just couldn't sign up for the unspoken (but expected) commitments.
People put so much money and effort into planning weddings 😲 I got married in a court and then invited my closest friends and family for dinner and dancing in my backyard
This only seems over-the-top because we're not accustomed to clear communication and transparency in casual relationships like friendships. I applaud Lisa for sharing her idea with the world; it sets a better example for other brides about how to treat their would-be bridal party with respect. Lord knows we have plenty of examples of the opposite!
Ok but she was so organized and prepared about EVERYTHING. I mean she was even saying that hair and makeup will be paid for and it's just the dress that they will be paying. On top of that it will be their choice of dress as long as it's in the same shade range. She even gave them little bridal presents and also stated that it's ok to decline her request of being a bridesmaid and shes ok with it and they can still keep their gift. Props to her for giving them a thorough understanding of what they are gonna be going through.
I come from a culture (Germany) where bridesmaids aren’t really a “thing” in weddings. You have a maid of honor who helps with a lot of things pre-wedding, and also makes sure the bride is taken care of on the wedding day, but all the other bridesmaids stuff that’s expected in American weddings is something I only experienced once I moved to California... It’s quite a huge financial & time commitment. I think it’s crazy that so many brides (esp young ones, sometimes in or just out of college) expect their friends who may not be making a lot of money (yet) to pay for not just the bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair, makeup… but also throw them a bachelorette party (which is often a whole weekend) AND attend a bridal shower. AND bring gifts to the shower AND the wedding! All of that, plus the cost of potential travel & accommodation for the wedding, can make a bridesmaid pay $1,000+ on just ONE friend’s wedding. 🤪 Point being, it is a very very very kind thing to do to outline all these things and make it a “bridesmaid proposal” that your friends can consider and say yes/no to. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm from the US, and in my family we traditionally have had a maid of honor and a best man. The huge wedding parties seem more common now, and for some reason I'm thinking this may have started in the South? Not sure, but to me it seems excessive.
Yeab exactly my thoughts! I am Dutch and here it also is not really a thing. There usually is a Bachelorette party but it is just amongst friends and theh go drinking or do some fun activities for the day. Usually the friends pay but thats about it. If a bride demands her bridal party to wear specific things, then the bride ALWAYS pays. And if she does not have any specific requirements you can just wear a dress you already own or buy somthig you like.
This is actually smart, she is planning her wedding so it actually goes the way it’s supposed to. She knows what she wants and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll probably do this, too!
Traditional etiquette books covered this for decades - with all of the manners, expectations and how to have various weddings - formal, semi, etc. But no one knows what etiquette is anymore, or that these books did an excellent job in covering all parts of a wedding, responsibilities, and receptions.
I'm probably younger than the lady in the video, but your comment is exactly why I am so puzzled this video even became viral. I guess I didn't realize society had lost this much standard that her video is considered 'revolutionary'
@@luv2cheer65 honestly, as someone in her 20s… I can’t believe this is something worth applauding 😅 Surely, if you can’t afford it? Live within your means and have a smaller wedding?
@@lolaeq8255 This is for bridesmaids and not the bride? If your best friend makes a lot of money and having an expensive wedding, it might be hard as her friend to participate if you don't make as much. Someone might feel obligated to spend a couple thousand dollars they can't afford because they love their friend/sister/etc. and its an awkward thing to bring up when someone asks you to be in their wedding without it seeming like you don't support the wedding. Her letter helps avoid the misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Like she said in her video, some weddings are traditional and others are not, this way you know what you are signing up for on a case by case basis, rather than assuming and getting into more than you expected
I was told traditionally the brides side pays for the bridesmaids dresses bcuz the bride is asking her to be part of her day. We just eliminated bridesmaids & groomsmen to save on our costs & theirs for our upcoming wedding. Their presence & sincere well wishes is enough for us.
What country are you from if you didn’t mind me asking? Cos I strongly believe that this is how it should be everywhere!! I can’t believe how much people have to pay out of their own pocket for someone’s ELSES day!!
Most important: she sent a proposal, a no foul invitation to the people she wanted to participate, not a demand letter. The idea that someone would have to pay any part of the wedding costs, including the dress, is just not how I was brought up. The idea that my brides maids would have to spend a penny or lift a finger goes against my understanding of good manners. If I can't afford to pay for my ladies, my court, to enjoy my day with me, I would cut some other part of the celebration back. They're not there to pay for the wedding, they're there to be part of the wedding as celebrants and bridal support. Jesus, they're the brides most honored guests after the family not a source of financial support for an over priced wedding.
Did you read the letter? You sound like she's asking them to pay for the cost of the wedding, the venue or the food. She's only asking them to pay for the dresses that they will be wearing and they could wear any dress as long as its in the colour code and their transportation cost. I thought it was reasonable. Besides she said they could say no and still attend the wedding and it wouldn't affect their friendship.
I guess some weddings will cover the cost of dress, hair and makeup, travel and stays. other weddings don't have that as part of their budget. it's just different wedding style and both are pretty acceptable.
This is a great idea but this is why I only had a maid of honor. I didn’t plan a bridal shower nor a bachelorette party, but two of my friends got together and threw me a surprise mini bachelorette party. It was pretty fun 😊.
I also only had a maid of honor, and because she had been a bridesmaid before, she had a beautiful rose pink dress that coordinated with my bouquet so that worked out perfectly. We paid for her to get her hair and makeup done the day of the wedding, then we shared the limo ride there. It was perfect.
@@staceykersting705 well that’s your opinion. Weddings are a beautiful right of passage and the pictures are often the only ones that survive in families. For hundreds of years.
@@SuperFosterMom Ya, maybe hundreds of years ago! LOL Why did u get defensive when I just stated MY feelings? Do u think we all have to feel the same way? Over 1/2 of marriages end in divorce.
Agreed. I just had my wedding recently, and we spent very little money on it, but everyone had great food and a great time. Also, we're Orthodox Christians, so the wedding ceremony was the highlight of the day. Because for us, a wedding is about the marriage, not the party.
This woman has an absolute galaxy brain for thinking about doing something like this. There can be so much toxicity in weddings behind the scenes and this is a great way to make sure everyone knows the expectations and feel like they are safe to say no.
There's something spontaneous and more romantic about eloping rather than having a wedding, it's just between you and your significant other and no one else.
Girl, yes! Elopement looks better every day. My partner and I have been together almost ten years, and I swear one of the biggest reasons we aren't married yet is that neither of us wants to plan a wedding, lol!
The point of bridesmaids (and groomsmen) is to help facilitate the wedding planning and help host on the wedding day, not to place obstacles or give unsolicited and negative input. But also, the bride's and groom's expectations need to be reasonable and fair (both financially and timewise).
@@Royan1900 I would say that if you need to facilitate the wedding plans or people catering to certain aspects during the wedding, then you should hire a wedding planner and the necessary staff. 🤷🏻♀️
Personally I think people should be willing to pay for their own wedding. It may be your "special" day but that shouldn't be anyone else's problem. If you can save up for it you probably deserve to get married.
It's normal to pay for your own dress , you don't go to a wedding wearing a casual dress either (impolite to do so in my country), just don't ask for a specific dress that is too expensive for your bridesmaid budget (you're supposed to know because she's usually a close friend or family member).
I agree! I was a bridesmaid when my daughter was 5 months old and was expected to pay for a dress that the bride was designing and having custom made for all of us. I would never be wearing it again. We had no choice in the design whatsoever. I had to go to multiple fittings that I brought my baby to as I was breast feeding and I didn’t feel like I could say no to her as I had already said no to the hen do, which was organised and paid for by the bridesmaids in another city and involved a scavenger hunt/panic room/afternoon tea instead of typical night out. It was honestly a nightmare and to make it worse she didn’t tell us we would be paying for our dresses until AFTER they were made and AFTER we had organised and paid for her bridal shower as well 😡. We also had to arrange our own hair and makeup (luckily I can do both so I did my own and another bridesmaid’s). I thought it was so selfish especially as she knew I had a newborn who was of course costing a lot of money. I didn’t pay for the dress in the end, I refused!
My life was like that. I finally said "no" to a wedding last year knowing my own marriage needed the money and time. Ended up not being invited at all. Guess I should've started saying no more often in the past to know who my true friends were.
I have twice been a maid of honour with one of wedding happening in another country. I wasn't asked to pay one penny towards either, I was given beautiful gifts & told to keep both dresses. I agree if you're asking you pay 😊
I totally thought this was normal for traditional American weddings. I'm Greek Orthodox, so our church weddings do not traditionally include a bridal party, so I never thought much of it. But I think paying for something like this when you ask is definitely common sense and courtesy. To each their own.
Great idea!! Better to be 💯% up front and let them decide if they can or want to participate. This really prevents frustration and insanity later when there’s no time for a back up plan.
Jeez, went into this thinking the worst, but honestly, this is fantastic. Giving your bridesmaids your expectations and telling them they can bow out and you will 100% not be upset or hold it against them is great! The bride is picking up a lot of cost, but even if the bride can't pick up anything, being fair and transparent with complete love and understanding is the way to go!
this is an AMAZING idea that should be nornal in any wedding. i really like how she said she wanted a specifi colour for all her bridesmaids to have but style was up to the individual bridesmaid..... that makes it much more individual as no 2 people have the same body shape. it means that each bridesmaid can dress to look pretty and not feel ashamed or embarassed by what they are wearing. I had a wedding where the bride LITERALLY said i looked like a hippo in virtually every dress until we found on she liked...we paid and ordered the dress for us (2 of the 3 bridesmaids). she went shopping again with the 3rd bridesmaid and without telling us changed the order to the one that made us look like Hippos she had called us. they werent cheap wither at several hundred $ EACH. we then had to get them tailored costing more than the dress itself to make them look any kind of decent. and i actually burned that dress afterwards it was horriffic. by allowing a bridesmaid to choose a style they feel comfortable in means they can wear it again for other occasions. i would perhaps add colour swatches to the letter so bridesmaid could take it with them when shopping as one persons 'wine red' can be different to someone elses.
@@naruseibara4010 cant really do much when the bride is your sibling.... but we are cool. I did however read her the riot act because not only had she spent the day insulting me in those dresses..... it was my moms money she was spending..... not even her own. We didnt discuss dresses again
Totally agree. We don't do the 'bridesmaid thing'. Well didn't do. Because of the influence of t.v. and social media you see it more and more here in the Netherlands. To me it's a social construct and totally ridiculous. One of the dumbest things in American culture (and there are quite a lot of).
Honestly she knows and is letting them know! I think this is great. One of the weddings I was a bridesmaids in the dress was $200 plus $150 alterations and hair and makeup was on us plus bridal rehearsal etc so I think this is great of her to say I’ll pay for this but I want this look for HER day and if you can’t no worries respect and glad people can feel to opt out. I’ve opted out and they get pissy Bc they were and was bridezilla and I enjoyed my seat in the audience after
Love what this woman did. The last wedding I was in completely wiped out my checking account. She said she was making sure everyone didn't spend a lot. It was a super lavish wedding (was not expecting that) and it was NOT cheap or even moderate. Ironically they say the more you spend on a wedding, the less likely it will last. Their marriage didn't last 2 years.
This is ingenious, thoughtful and mature. Best idea I've heard concerning weddings in a long time. After a certain age I started just saying NO to ALL bridesmaids requests no matter the relationship. However, along with that "NO" I made a generous contribution for the bride to spend on wedding activities as SHE saw fit.
In my opinion, having a bridal party is an outdated tradition. We didn’t have one and it was so chill and we all had fun. I was a bridesmaid in the past… so expensive and both got divorced a few years later. Never again!
Congrats to you and yours, Donna!🥳🥳🥳🥳And I've most certainly learned something new in this video. All along I thought the costs and constraints were strictly the responsibility of the bride and groom (and to a certain extent, parents from both sides cover small portions of the budget). I never knew being a bridesmaid was this extreme! I've been to many weddings so far, but I had absolutely no idea a bridesmaid was expected to do so much... That's a lot of pressure I don't wanna put on my friends.💯 Kudos to this bride for her transparency!
I actually don’t plan on having any bridesmaids either! (Partly because my closest friends all have sisters so I’m bitter that I don’t get to be their maid of honor and I don’t wanna have to choose regardless lol) But I can absolutely understand why most people do - I think of weddings as a celebration of the person the couple has grown into and the people that helped them get there.
I'm curious about this - in Europe it doesn't cost you a thing to be a bridesmaid. You just show up, maybe do a speech, and help with decorating and organizing a few games the night of. You don't have to pay for anything. I'm trying to imagine what they could make someone pay for just because they are a bridesmaid - they are still a guest and not a sponsor...
This is the perfect way to handle it. This way everyone IS on the same page & expectations are laid out BEFORE. You can opt out, no hard feelings. Wonderful!!!
I think that's pretty awesome that she would take the time to write these things down, and this should be a precedent in what's considered traditional wedding planning.
Or from all the people in the comments who are like "lol I could never have a big wedding I’m much better than people who like to celebrate with friends and family lol UwU"
Yea cause theres shoes, accessories, fitting, and hair and make up if you arent particularly good at it. Not to mention any wedding gift, bridal shower gift, or hosting bacherlorette parties. It tallies up.
if the bride is being reasonable with the price of the dresss, I personally think the bridemaids should pay if they have the ability to. as a bride you should know if your friends have the ability to pay $300 for a dress that they can re-use. if a bride is paying for other things like the travel fees, makeup artist, hair stylist, then a dress shouldn't be that big of a deal.
It has become popular in recent times, as the couple’s expectation for an extravaganza they can’t afford has grown. Factor in the tendency towards maturity in first-time brides. Parents don’t want to pay for a wedding. Nor do I believe they should for independent adults.
My problem is the mandatory trip to Mexico for the bachelorette party (in which they must cover the costs). I bet theres at least one friend that would love to be part of her special day but cant afford a vacation right now or the 4 days off.
Completely agree. I doubt that I would have agreed to be one if i had known half of the expectations the bride had. It was time-consuming, expensive and very stressful.
Agree 100%. You better tell me what you want in details bc no, I don't know, some may think it's treating me like a child but it will save so much time and nerves if we discuss it beforehand 😩
I'm kinda weirded out, not by her but by the fact she felt she had to do this, showing empathy and boundaries to your friends should be normal. And are weddings in America always this elaborated? Man, I don't want to be the bridesmaid of a toxic bride lol
It can be awkward to have to ask about who's paying what, or when you assume someone else is paying but it turns out that they expect you to pay. With empathy and boundaries set and shown, this can still happen, still be awkward and mess up the wedding planning. But with her transparency letter that's avoided! She shared expectations and gave everyone a chance to decline, which I think might be needed all around the world even if you already communicate well. Because expectations around weddings and people's behaviour on weddings can be very different per person, which we sometimes forget a little...
Not in the past. We older folks got married without making HUGE demands on our bridal party and guests. The fact that there are those that do now is an embarrassment to me. To demand how much someone spends on you is disgusting. And I find it disconcerting that some of these demanding brides are entering a marriage...I fear for their husbands.
My husband and 2 kids were asked to go to his sisters ( my sister in-laws) wedding. She was getting married abroad and we would have had to spend $7000 to attend. This included outfits for all 4 of us, flights, car hire, accommodation, visas, travel, food…to name a few things. It’s just insane what people expect others to pay because THEY are getting married. 😡
That’s great for you! But having a wedding is fun if you do it “right.” I had a tiny destination wedding on a beach and it was incredibly enjoyable. Enforced a no stress rule. No drama. Importantly no bridesmaids! 16 years strong.
Don’t put others down for their choices. If you’ve been married that long, there has been a lot of luck involved. Mostly yours, I’d say, with your sense of superiority and tendency to preaching.
We would have had a courthouse wedding, too, if not for the death threats from both families. :) So we had a small wedding in a county park. It was June in Florida, in the morning; my husband's best friend and my brother's two little kids were told "wear something comfortable," and that's about as Bridezilla as it got.
This Is SUCH a brilliant idea. OMG. So smart. So reasonable. I will probably copy this. I love that she gives them an opt out if they want. How many times do people say yes to being a bridesmaid, and then are shocked when the bride wants you to pay for a portion of the bachelorette party and its $500? This is very wise and eliminates so much drama.