You Don't LOOK Autistic and Here's Why- Masking 

thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your comment about your journey. :)

Jay, I can relate to so much of what you said here, it's uncanny. We're also about the same age and were recently diagnosed after finding out on our own that we're autistic. What you said here decribes how I and so many of us feel: "I have known since I was very young that my brain worked differently than other people but I did try to appear normal when around others. I wouldn't say I was entirely successful at it..." But although there is now the freedom and sense of relief of not having to keep up the masking I am still frustrated at some of the responses I get from people who have known me for years, when I tell them I'm autistic. "That's impossible!" is one. The one that left me at a loss for words recently was: "Yeah, most people I know are a little autistic...I sometimes think I'm probably a little autistic too". This was from someone who for sure is not. I'm sorry I even told that person, who is a close in-law. To tell or not to tell...that is the question.

@@scherzo12222Yes, it is uncanny Gwen, how much of the same history we have covered. Were you bullied or excluded back in school? I was. I didn't know back then why other kids disliked me so much. Knowing what I know now I think it was because I had difficulty making eye contact and I was almost completely nonverbal in social situations. I was also really bad at team sports which for a boy back in that day was kind of a social death sentence. I generally want people to know about my autism. I have talked with one of my sisters on the phone about autism and she totally excepts my autism as she was closest in age to me in our family and knew me the best. One of her sons has been diagnosed as being autistic and her grandson has been diagnosed also. A year ago I told someone who I have known for some years that I am autistic. He got kind of quiet and said " I have always thought that when I get old I might get autistic too. " Funny huh? Yes it can be frustrating when people give us such responses as you have described or in my case no response at all to letters that I have sent. We do take somewhat of a chance when we tell someone. Your last sentence is so true and that question has occupied my mind a lot the last couple of years.

@@user-js5et3gc8q Yes I was bullied early on, beginning in 1st grade and especially in 2nd grade, Jay. But in my case it was by 2 teachers more than any kids. My 2nd grade teacher was a monster. She, and her cohort who taught 3rd grade in the small rural school where I grew up, were what I dreaded more than anything, as a child. Way too much to write about here! One difference between you and me was that for most of my school years, all the way through high school (4th and 5th grade being the lonely exceptions) I always had one "best " friend and we'd stick together like glue, and in that relationship I was always "the leader". I didn't have to worry about dealing with social situations because we didnt get involved in them and we were fine with that. It was always more okay for a couple girls to pal around together than 2 boys. I can see how, being a boy and not being able to get into team sports was major, for you, Jay! I need to get busy on that email to you...there is so much to discuss!

​@@user-js5et3gc8q Oh....I replied to this yesterday, Jay. But I don't see it here....so I'll try and remember what I said! I was bullied, in 1st and 2nd grade, by 2 teachers who were monsters., in the small rural elementary school I attended. I won't go into all that now, but I can say that set the tone for my very negative feelings about school, all the way through 12th grade. A major difference between you and me was that, except for 2 lonely years (4th and 5th grade) I always had one female friend and we stuck together like glue, and didn't need a social group to be a part of. Hanging out with just one close friend was always more "okay" for girls than boys. By 6th grade I found my best friend for life, and we are still "besties" 60 years later. Jay, I can only imagine how rough it was for you as a boy not good at team sports back then!

I get the "too expressive" thing. Girl....I do that too especially with my seniors because I think I need to put on a "happy" face all the time for them.

😆they are just so uneducated about it. LOL We are capable! :)

Thanks for sharing that Kayleen. I think it is getting better but very slowly and especially for women. There's been a growing number of autistic content creators though, which is good.

I like cute stuff like snoopy too.

I’m also only truly myself when I’m alone. I’ve been paying more attention to the difference vs when I’m around others. I’ve tried so hard to hide my stimming for so long, especially at work. When I’m stressed I tilt my head to the side (usually the left side) and tug gently on my hair on that side. It feels so relieving to just let myself do it. I also developed a habit of making weird faces when we had to wear literal masks all day. I still try to hide that one, but most of the time I just still wear my medical mask so I don’t have to worry about it. I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself, and not walk around all day chanting “don’t be weird, don’t be weird”.

We shouldn't have to walk around all day telling ourselves "don't be weird." I do that too. I analyze every conversation and especially afterwards and ask myself "did I appear normal." That's great that you've found ways to stim. I have a squishy at my desk. My coworker is autistic and likes it too. She brought kinetic sand. Can I ask what kind of work do you do?

Thank you Jeanette....yes, Snoopy! I love him. So many of the stores are making things from our generation growing up, like Barbie shirts and I love it. Baby steps is key....me too.

Oh, I was seeing the Snoopy-shirt and thought "oh, I loved Snoopy too, that's a lovely shirt"! I never cared about if clothes are "allowed for my age". I live in Berlin, people in my age wear pink, green, blue hair, (still) style as Punks or whatever. It's just the gained weight and that I did swear to myself to dress black after my dads death until I find his grave and be able to celebrate a "funeral service" for him (as I was not invited to the one that had happened somewhere. Or did not?). I did not think it would need more then two years now, but a promise is a promise, so still black. But normallyxI wear very "expressive" and very colourful clothes, a lot with cats as I love them. And have a bunch of cat-earrings. Or pride-shirts.

Thanks for sharing. I think that's the main things....people know something is different about us right away but can't put a finger on it. And I would agree that I feel like the mask is starting to fall away for me more than it used to.

@@autisticjenny Kind of a loner too. My best friend accused me of copying her mannerisms. That was 7/8th grade. What does that tell you?! I have figured it out, finally, thanks to Tubers like you. Thanks, much🙂

I think people don't really listen even when we think they are. It's like when you pass someone in a public place and they say "how are you?" We know we are supposed to just say "good" and not elaborate. LOL That greeting always stumps me. People should just say "HI" and move on. I"m glad you enjoyed this video. I enjoyed the topic very much. :)

I agree. The "How are you" question has too many possibilities. "How? My parents." The question is simply too deep.😄

Yes. I agree....as I get older, being comfortable becomes much more important to me too. :) Love my pajama jeans!

I do think it gets harder as we get older to put on a mask. I had many moments today where I noticed I had no mask on for my coworkers and I admit, that did bother me. I thougtht "they may think I"m a boring person. I'm sitting here straight faced." But then I told myself, I don't care really. They know i'm autistic. There should be freedom in that. And we can't blame people who just don't know, you are right!

@@autisticjenny Yes, it gets harder the older I get, definitly! Jenny, I am always surprised and reliefed when I realize another thing I share with so many other autistic woman. Or getting another name for things I did or do. I say it again: to be "boring normal" in a group of "others" feels soooo good! This first time in life "I fit in (in the group of - late diagnosed - autistic or AuDHDers) in the way I mostly not fit in (into NT-society)."

Which is why these jenny ( and orion)videos are needed ,so people like me( neurotypical) can understand. And have made some of us get a test as we are in fact autistic! We need a bit of weirdness in this world, so boring otherwise.

I love your voice!

Brian those are good points. Thanks for sharing that.

you know James, the funny thing about the grocery store is I don't feel the need to mask there. I feel like people are just looking on shelves at items and I can give my blank, emotionless face there....and the movie theater. LOL