im always fascinated by people on youtube talking about this stuff. i have such a strong suspicion when it comes to the idea of discrete and predictable personality profiles. maybe my zoom is set to high, or i have a bad baseline understanding of the types, because i just don't see it, i just see the contradictions. What makes you so certain of the legitimacy that your willing to upload videos that thousands will watch? I really want it to be true, because it could potentially make navigating life so much easier, still i guess i wouldnt know how to confidently calibrate a baseline if it is. any thoughts?
I'll honest with you since it seems like you're being sincere, "videos that thousands will watch" gives lot's of opportunities so it seemed pragmatic to me to take this chance if people were interested in watching. Building an audience, leveraging success to transition into other areas, making money etc. I'm a pragmatist at heart, so I'll go with what works. Ok so the discrete personalities. Are these archetypes EXACT, no. Everyone can do everything. But it seems clear to me from interacting with people in my daily life, watching current famous people, and studying interesting people from the past, that people have natural inclinations with how they approach the world. These can be made into dichotomies - you're either this one or that one. Some people seek out variety in the way they think, some people stick to the same things, some don't plan and live in the moment, others cannot help but constantly plan for the future etc. Eye colour, hair colour, number of limbs, number of genders (or sexes) are discrete. There's hardly any variation between those things. I don't see why personality should be more complex. 4 letters code for the genetic makeup of every organism that has ever lived on earth and perhaps many that live on other planets. 16 different personality types (in reality there's probably a lot more), actually seems like a huge amount. Two people of the same general type, when you factor in upbringing, environmental factors, life experience, are going to be extremely different. However, the general ways they think in and approach life will still be similar. Leonardo Da Vinci seemed to be an ENTP, my friend/roommate seems to be one too. They approach life in the same way, say similar things, have the same mindset, are naturally capable in areas that are the same, and have the same weaknesses. Whereas I don't share those commonalities. I CAN do those things, just like everyone is capable of anything. It's just they are much more difficult for me and require more conscious effort. Your skepticism is justified because pseudoscience is becoming ever more prevalent. But in truth, from my experience and my knowledge of the different roles humans perform from our history as being members of smaller tribes, these personality archetypes are at the very least, extremely useful to understand people. Perhaps they will even be justified in a measurable scientific way in the future, although I'm certain many flaws and inaccuracies with the current way we all think about this topic will be revealed. This is the longest comment response I've ever left to anyone. So yea...
@@lovewho i appreciate your time. really i think if there is someone on youtube who isnt stumbling through this topic its you. One note i would make is that everything we see from computers is from a simple 2 digit code, so the 4 letter code of dna i would argue presents as a bit of a red herring leading to my main hiccup, which i guess you may agree with, why should it stop at 16? dna is 4 letters that account for infinite variation as complexity increases, same for computers with only two digits. Again i appreciate what your doing, and im going to keep watching, ive observed enough in life to accept that archetypes (at least in a loose sense) are a real phenomenon. It will be really interesting if science finds the biological cause to become more likely to be possessed by one or another once referenced, or perhaps if it really is hard coded from the beginning.
@@jeffreyg5303 Maybe personality type is like a continuous variable that tends towards being discrete because people gravitate towards certain ways of being just out of habit. ~ Nathan
Love Who * Reading your 1st paragraph reply, and the way you talked in the video, made me “conclude” (think) you’re an INTJ, Nathan. ☺️ Age is also a huge factor, or maturity for us older people. I took the 16pers tests 3x on diff. occasions or a few-10 years apart, it always labeled me INFJ. But deep inside it didn’t make sense on certain things... I had to go back to my childhood, teen years and early adulthood (what I did then) to gauge myself more accurately, it took months... until finally ESTP made much more sense(!) Even my (30-yr) partner agreed. 😊 So, it’s not just “a test” - doing a bit more/deeper research will help, plus lotsa inner self-reflection, absolving denials. My INFJ subconscious came out prominently after trials, life challenges OR maturity. 💫 These videos and info help many people (in understanding themselves and their love-interest, or sphere/co-workers/friends) only a few dare to comment statistically, so continue what you guys are doing.
At work my friends and I usually sit together but we’re all doing our own thing on our phones. I don’t see it as being antisocial because we have jobs that are highly stimulating and we are required to be social. (I work in a casino.) It’s just our way of decompressing.
You know you're an INFJ when you explain someone something and the person says he is getting what you're trying to say but you feel like they don't understand it completely ( Even this comment , I was like no one is gonna get what I am trying to say ).
Heaven Saroye bro yeah, and when they say the “i understand how you feel” idek if they’re just being nice but yk i accept it.. at least i show them am thankful but ugh it doesnt really help if im being totally honest cuz i still dont get the feeling that you’re connected w me in this
Not at all! Just depends on what you fill that space with! Im so happy I dont have too much sensory awareness, "the real world" is so overrated.. #Ni pride#
Arthur so true!!! I ran from it when finally figured it out and ran to Infp... but kept searching still!!! Always looking for the whys and deeper meaning can be taxing to other peoole around me sometimes
Night Hawk INFJs make it too difficult for themselves to be honest. Other people actually do want to get to know them, do want to hang out with them, but INFJs have strange minds that they somehow feel their presence is just burdening people. Ermmm.
I don't think many wonder why they "aren't loved" one can be, anyone can be. Is it worth it? Having the need? It's not something someone does to you, it's.... Uh,... *OK Google, define "love" *
@@MrTrickster5 Not so. Extreme INFJ's like me, have very few friends, but the ones we have last a lifetime, and love and are loved back. We also can have wonderful marriages. Our families also tend to really love us too. I think we have to be honest and own up to the fact that our inner lives and inner dialogue is so much richer and more exciting than most people.
Andi R Absolutely. I always tell myself, people don’t need to understand, they just need to ‘want to understand’ because it means they care. & if they ‘want to understand’, they’ll listen.
Someone does listen to me but not completely understanding me and it just makes me feel bad? Why didn't she just unfriend me (tho it will break my heart) but like how can she stand ME?
Katie Bee Also people who are attracted to the idea of being “rare” are almost certainly Fi users, or FPs, who highly value their uniqueness and try to differentiate themselves from the crowd. INFJs on the other hand, as Fe users desire to fit in and be similar to other people. That’s why the rarity of INFJs can actually make them unhappy because it prevents them from being related to by other people as much, which is their Fe’s greatest wish. So the “INFJs” who are constantly talking about how rare their type is in a positive way are probably mistyped INFPs.
Sarah P As an INFP, I try hard to "fit" in..... People think INFPs want to be/feel special and unique but we (well, I can only speak for myself) already know that we are all (every types) special and unique.
Tip Toes That’s true. INFPs usually know they are unique and certainly don’t do anything disingenuous to be seen as unique, but the parts of themselves that they view as different from others are usually parts of themselves that they like, sometimes for that reason alone. They often see something beautiful in being oneself despite being different from others, which is why they feel good about going their own way. But you’re totally correct that Fi users can still feel a desire to fit in, as all people want community to some extent. I think INFPs often want to find their group where they fit in, but usually feel less of a desire to fit in with society at large than Fe users usually do, if that makes sense.
I can never understand this debate, being an Infp im sure is just as great or sometimes better than being an Infj. Infjs are all over the net any way, so not that special lol If anything id rather be an Intj if i could choose, much more action oriented and less caring of other peoples feelings. It's bizarre that people want to attack people who are not sure of their type yet. It's like a strange supremacist agenda...what do you need a DNA test now to check what mbti you are?
As an INFP raised by an INFJ mother, I can tell you this: the "INFJ Doorslam" is REAL. I've known her to do it twice in my lifetime..... Once to my abusive dad on her birthday in 2005, and the other time to her brother (one of my uncles) who punched her in the face in 2016 after Hurricane Hermine... These moments happen in RAW, gruesome circumstances, and I hope no INFJ has to experience using it... "Forgive, but never forget" ~mom
I am going to have to agree with mom, sometimes there is just a point of no return. U can forgive, without ever revisiting the connection that was severed.
Sometimes the door slam is the only way to save yourself. I always forgive them but I won’t let them continue to hurt me or mine. The few that have been evicted from my life simply can not see how their behaviors harm others. They have little or no ability to self evaluate.
When I was growing up, I was constantly being overwhelmed, of course, I mean I’m an INFJ who was raised by an ENTJ. I always tried to get away and regulate, but sometimes it would prove too difficult and my emotions that were pressed down would rise to the top. Eventually I would explode after argument after argument and go to my room, slam the door, and try to calm myself by reading, listening to music, etc. I’ll never forget the first time I did it, I think I was 7 or 8, but it was so freeing to be able to just shut everyone out for a bit, I never truly cut off my mother, but I have manifested the door slam in reality, while also cutting off some friends I simply never saw a future with. The door slam is a harsh silence. It can hurt people so much, it’s best to only use it when absolutely necessary.
I’m with your mom on this one. Sounds harsh but because INFJs prefer harmony in their relationships we tend to put up with a great deal of pain in relationships before the door gets slammed. And this constant harmonisation goes unnoticed by everyone except the INFJ, who eventually reaches a point where the only option available to them is to slam the door firmly shut on that relationship and never open it again. It’s a pity that the INFJs peacekeeping traits are not appreciated or seen by others.
The interesting thing is that, even within the INFJ community, there'll be slight differences and variants depending on their environment, upbringing, anxiety, mental conditions and so forth. No type will be an 100% fit. Everyone is a student in this field, the human mind is extremely complex. We just have breadcrumbs left by others who've paved the way. I've seen endless debates between different parties, explaining their reasons and using certain metrics. There'll be definite commonalities for the same type and it's refreshing and reassuring finding others who have similar feelings and thoughts. This system has personally helped me have a better understanding of myself and others, but remember, at the end of the day, you are you. No one can change that.
it works on percentages. How great a percentage you lean towards feeling rather than thinking for example, but we all still do both. And all us have extraverted sensing even when we lean heavily towards introverted intuition as our preferred modality, because we can still find our way to the bus stop or plan a holiday. We all have all of the qualities, it's the percentage lean towards a particular function that creates the unique mix, plus all those other inputs you mentioned... and also how willing we are to work towards a truly balance and all round developed personality which would allow appropriate use of any function as circumstances required.
Infj have trouble being in a relationship because there's already a image we have created in our head , we expect our partner to be like that . And people who get into relationship through social media is not our cup of tea . We don't wanna waste our time and the other person's time by being in a relationship ,when deep down we are not really comfortable with them
I have told so many exes that i'm not comfortable posting them to social media unless i'm absolutely serious and also some people on social media are in fake relationships
Being unable to live in the moment is my greatest stressor and desire. I try to tell myself all the time carpe diem and live for today tomorrow will take care of itself if only
for me, it was experiencing trauma like someone young from my life who suddenly passed away, that pushed me to the edge of finally getting it that we don’t know how long we will be on this planet from there going on i stopped setting long-term goals, now i set only weekly and daily goals and try to be present in the moment, but most importantly i don’t procrastinate and daydream that much as i used to
I do same. I say stop thinking and just be. I leave that mindset rather quickly but I do try. One thing that helps me be in the moment is “I have until midnight to do this thing” Slows me down to be more in the moment plus it’s rewarding because it’s pleasurable. I wonder what type lives mostly in the moment?
Being an INFJ does make you intense..from the inside out. So a highly stimulating environment is like overkill. Even some thing as simple as clothing tags or driving over cobble stones is unbearable. When you're walking along a road and a car passes by, for us it feels like a bus or a big truck is passing by and it feels incredibly unsettling. When we get home we need to recover from all this stimulus and peoples energies. It's draining.
Aren't these examples of being in the moment and sensing? which is what INFJ would struggle with due to being in their own head and - not sensing, not feeling overwhelmed or reacting to the feelings on their body. I mean what you are describing is human, as is what I am describing, but yours and I asukme the reason you label it as infj actions is because you believe its an immediate and common reaction, and if so I would say what you've given examples of flies in the face of the functions of INFJ. but its no cool club, there are multiple 1%types... Hell, if you learn to write any coding language you would be almost triply rare compared to INFJs. or have green eyes
I’ve taken the test multiple times, even years after and I still get INFJ. I read the description and it does describe me perfectly. Also, it sucks being an INFJ with social anxiety and depression. Anyways it’s just hard doing stuff in general.
Your personality doesn’t change, just saying, however depending on your mood you can tap into a different personality because your brain has 3 other parts, the first one being your main personality, INFJ.
Pana Banana The point of the video was to NOT trust the tests, only the cognitive functions. I mostly got INTJ as a result for 2 years but I am actually an ISTP who likes to engage with tertiary Ni, so the shitty tests concluded I was Ni dominant.
Ima infj and have those two plus schizophrenia which for my personality is lowkey hell, and I thought I was only person with this personality until I found this personality differences which made me happy that I’m not only one.
I’ve taken a test the first time I got infp then I got intj, isfp and the. Intp and then infp and then intp and now I’m confused I do like to keep my options open I’m so confused Everytime I think I’m something then later I find out I’m something else I’m so confused someone help me decipher what exactly am I?
I hate being an INFJ. A current situation I'm in is maintaining friendships with people I love, but I often am misunderstood, and then they want explanations, and it's hard to explain, and then I'm seen as this dishonest and confusing and incapable human being with low intelligence. I really wish I could be more in touch with myself and give up on people easily... but I don't have anyone to turn to. I keep wanting to people please those I intensely love and it's such an anxious game of catch up. Where the place I need to catch up is being liked and understood.
If it counts for anything, I hope you know you are not alone in that struggle. ❤️ I’ve had many people I love call me fake or a liar when I’d never once been dishonest to them. It hurts like hell to hear. It’s especially hard when the panic of not finding a way to explain yourself sets in. (how does one explain the enigma that is an INFJ anyways?) I’ve found journaling helps me get my thoughts out. It’s hard for us to think straight when our minds are so full of thoughts. Not the kind of journaling where you recount your whole day, but the kind where you write down whatever comes to mind. Once words are on paper one can sort through the chaos and develop more coherent thoughts. Even if you just write one word, you can begin to expand on it. Also, don’t take it to heart when people assume you are dishonest. Most likely their feelings are coming from their own insecurities. So we should remember to have sympathy for them. The conflict may have little to do with you. Lastly, I really hope that you don’t fell you have “low intelligence”. You seem bright to me. ☺️ Best of luck to you, - fellow INFJ
Yes!!!! All of my friends calls me dumb, of course to a certain level and sometimes, I don't understand the memes they send me but then when i try to express what I'm thinking or what I feel like or my beliefs and opinions, which i fail miserably because it just isn't easy to put what's going through my mind into words, they see me as a person with low intelligence i.e. dumb or tell me that I'm thinking wrong. I'm constantly misunderstood and I just let them misunderstand me. It's gotten to the point where i stopped explaining myself or saying anything which i won't be able to explain and they won't get. It creates a big communication gap which i don't mind having under such circumstances.
Being INFJ but only found out this is week, I’d stop trying to explaining things to people since I was young. When I explain it, You either get it or you don’t, you either believe me or you don’t. It only clarify our differences, and clarify the kind of relationship we are in. You don’t have to get me, being friends and family mean together and support even if you think I am weird. If you know is important to the people you love, you support them no matter what.
As a INFJ, It is hard to understand why anyone would want to be something that they are not. It is not a badge of honor my any means. We want to understand ourselves but we certainly aren't that excited about it being a rare personality type. For us it just explains why we are so misunderstood and not very socially relatable to most people. It can be isolating and lonely. I don't know why anyone would want that. I grow suspect of people who are excited about being a INFJ.
Haha, #2 I never know why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. Many times I'm just picking up on what other people are feeling. It took me a long time to learn how to separate my own emotions from others.
No, yeah, I feel that. I sometimes have to analyse my emotions (Never works, but doesn't stop me from trying) to figure out if I'm feeling something because I actually feel it or I think I should.
My least favorite question is “how are you?” Umm I truly have no idea most of the time, I always have so many conflicting emotions so how do I answer such a question
@@MultiFabulous14 for me I like the question cos it's an orpotunity for me to try to connect/be understood by them rather than feeling detached all the time. That being said, I always struggle to answer it properly and usually it goes: How are you? I'm... uh you know... alright I suppose. I mean there's some bad things and some good things I guess but anyway how are you, let's talk about you instead!
@@andyroobrick-a-brack9355 They're not so much in-touch with them as much as they have to touch-base with them, set aside time to mull over them so they can get back to their 'productive' selves. At least going by the average levels of emotional maturity in this type!
@@RyuuRider Usually you have that sort of relationship with the auxiliary or inferior rather than the tertiary. For me, as an INTP, I have trouble taking risks and examining alternative views from my own because of my Si. It makes me weak, nostalgic, and incredibly rooted when I almost always feel better ideating in some way. Likewise, INTJs can develop a vision that they become so attached to that they ignore Te almost entirely. That pragmatism always lies there, but their vision is connected to a weirdly proportioned, yet always present desire for consistent values and principles to live by.
I did the "door slam" thing with my father. He has a habit of pointing out my negative qualities (especially in inappropriate situations such as family gatherings or normal conversations). He's really good at making me feel bad about myself, and I don't know if he doesn't realize it, doesn't care, or both. One day I just decided that I would avoid him. I spent all of my time in my room in order to see him as little as possible and when he did talk to me I would either not respond or keep my answers short. Our relationship is fine now, but it'll never be the same. He still says awful things about me, but I've leaned enough about myself to realize that they're not true and that I shouldn't let them hurt me so much. Anyway, I just learned what "door slamming" was today, and I thought it would be interesting to share.
Good thing you're still with your dad. I don't contact my step mom who raised me and in the end she revealed her true color only for me to see that she actually had used me to have better life with my half sister. I'm sick of thinking positive about them, and finally could see how they made me ruined my own life. Happy that I'm released from my own burden not to neglect them in the past. What happens to them now, whether they are still alive or not, I don't care and I don't wanna know.
I face the same thing and now I can barely stand him...I feel like he sees my rbf everyday but I feel guilty for being rude at the same time. It sucks and my productivity depends on my mood so if I'm not in the mood, I have to push myself and my family is one sort of a mess but I guess I'm just an intp.
I think there are a lot of people who might be getting the concept of "door slam" wrong... from what I know, it's not just cutting someone out of your life. That's something anyone can do. In all honesty, if you're "door-slamming" a lot, you might want to suspect if you are infj... because in my experience (and this may be very different), the door slam is like the very very VERY last resort, and you kind of "wean" out your friends in the first place because you already can kinda tell it's going to be hard always matching to them. I've only done the door slam once, and it isn't just an "I'm outta here" kind of moment. You don't even feel heartbroken or sad. It's literally losing any emotions you could have had towards that person. You no longer think of them and feel anything. They could very well be strangers to you. I met the person I door-slammed one more time after I'd metaphorically slammed the door on them, and I treated them nicely, smiled, greeted them, etc. and felt not a single thing. I don't know if I'm alone on this but just a thought.
I think this is one way to describe a door slam, but not necessarily the only way. I agree with you that it's a last resort and very rare. I think what makes it notable is that the INFJ can create such an about-face, abruptly change the way they interact with someone, after making a rational decision to do so (like you said), and treat the person coldly and/or with extreme indifference, not making a scene (so being polite when there's no other alternative, again as you described). I think the complete loss of emotion doesn't necessarily happen, though. I often feel a lot of compassion for the few people I've door-slammed. I didn't choose to walk away because I wanted to hurt them. I just recognized that the relationship wasn't working and gave myself a therapeutic assignment that I wholeheartedly believed was best for both of us.
I’m an ENTP and I did this with my dad your comment was kinda relatable and I think it just an Fe Ti thing so that we reach harmony again it’s seems logical to us to cut those people off with anything that could you relate to them such as feelings etc
@@anival9576I agree with you one 100% and to be honest I think those who say the instantly stop caring or thinking about those they’ve door slammed are basically deluded. Door slamming is a subconscious realisation but a heartbreaking experience.
You know you are an infj when you express your thoughts about some sort of philosophical question(?) that you have been thinking about for several months or longer and your freinds and family starts to see you as a weirdo.
Know thyself. 😀 A counselor asked me to take the test several years ago. He already knew I was an INFJ. It was such a great help to finally understand myself. It was like a homecoming. Highly sensitive, need lots of time alone, gets overstimulated easily, empath, sees all sides of a given situation, picks up on patterns and body language (hears what a person’s NOT saying), highly intuitive, peacemaker that will institute a door slam as last resort. Loves people, but loves being alone too! Small inner circle. Strives for authenticity. Nerd! Wants to know everything about the universe!
That describes me perfectly however I'm not and I don't think I'll ever be, sure if I'm an INFJ or ISFJ. (I'm not new to Mbti though. I'm just tired. I did so much research and I relate to INFJ and ISFJ too all the time)
I tried watching Love Island once, when I was trying some 'bonding time' with my dorm mates. It felt like my brain was actively frying in my head. I couldn't even focus on sketching during it -- my brain was split between failing to find any redeeming quality about it and repetitive questioning of how the hell anyone -- including my roommates, who practically squealed every two to three minutes about something or other -- could enjoy that sort of drama. 0/10, do not recommend to others who are anti-drama in the first place.
I spent weeks thinking I was an INFP because of the 16Personalities test. I was wondering how the hell I could be a complete ball of emotions as someone that hasn't cried in five years.
I don't think that's a good distinguishing characteristic. I cry all the time (INFJ)... do I know that I'm upset before I start crying? Often the answer is "no." INFPs are more contained and self-aware about their emotions. I believe they often take steps to deal with their emotions before they burst into tears (but I wouldn't know).
I'm 100% an infj and even got it as a result on the test many times, I wasn't very interested in the mbti community until I start reading more about the functions which helped learn A LOT about how my and other's brains work. It's still hard to get out of my comfort zone and be verbal about my feelings, I never knew I could ask for help and never knew how to detect that need for help I always kept things to myself thinking I'm just way too sensitive and should deal with it on my own, I've been frustrated a lot by people who couldn't read me the way I read them or understand my frustration the way I understood their's. But now I know why I'm different and it helped me accept myself and embrace my weirdness.
manager-nim You make multiple Si statements and use an informative interaction style, it is incredibly rare for an INFJ to say something like that and in as much detail. INFJ’s are one of the most direct types, they explain things in as few words as possible only including the important information. What you wrote demonstrates the complete opposite. Typical Te Fi behaviour talking about how unique and different you are and how you finally know the truth. Typical Si Ne behaviour talking about how you get stuck in your comfort zone. Case closed sir, you are an obvious NFP.
"Feeling compelled to constantly react..." My man, you finally put into words what I have failed to explain to my extroverted friends and family. Thank you!
Exactly ... That's what my dad does... And recently i was in a situation where i had to constantly over react... Which i couldn't... And i used to freeze...which wrecked havoc on my brain...
Oh 100% true. I used to work in a loud chaotic inbound call centre with screaming crying customers, be micro managed by my team leaders, have our calls randomly audited for 'quality', use 3 pc monitors and flip on-screen between 10 different systems while typing notes and watching my AWC and AHT etc.. it nearly honestly killed me. The WORST job ever for an INFJ. Sometimes I'd just have brain glitches, I could not process all the stimulation overload and think and concentrate and adapt to each diff random phone call.
His statements say I'm a infj, and all my research says i'm an infj, and all the youtube videos I've watched would say that. But I wanna be a infj so am I? I dont want to be ordinary or put into a box, but I dont wanna be weird either ( wich everyone who has ever known me calls me) I wanna know who i am, even if I'm not infj
Yep, if typing yourself as an INFJ gives anyone a sense of achievement or a feeling of having a special identity, they are almost definitely a Te Fi user.
@@codeN_8 I mean, you don't need to prove something that you're sure about. I'm seeing a lot of people wanting to prove they are INFJ in the comments, as if they owe that certainty to someone else.
@@gioginna6864 lols...just wondering why you care. And why you're speaking for other ppl and who says any of us are sure about anything? And who says celebrating or commenting and feeling understood is about what you or any other reader of the comment is thinking??? Projection...plus narcissism. ☺
@@codeN_8 well this is not the thing I care the most in my life. it was just an opinion, a thought. i can't see why you got mad, i'd be glad if you could explain me.
Dackson Flux once you are experienced with the function stack, things become much more clear than the basic-level 16&Me trash. Leaves people so confused once they try and move further along MBTI, but start with 16&Me.
The INFJ door slam. I have done this a few times. Its really awkward when you try to avoid the person and they still try to conversate with you. Cause I still try to be polite but short and they are just too dense to see I dont want to talk
I doorslammed 2 people in my life. One was a previous 'bestfriend' and I couldn't even stop the doorslam from happening, happened naturally. The other was a very annoying girl who got on my nerves in so many ways and I couldn't stand her. A more intentional doorslam. Funny thing is I didn't necessarily want to doorslam my 'bff' but it just happened and I know no matter how much I try it won't reverse.
honestly i feel its kinda scummy to not tell them that you door slammed them, they're the ones that need to hear it the most, not us or anyone else but them
'You're not adept at being in the present.' Sadly, yes. I'm trying to practice mindfulness, but it's really been a lot harder for me, because my thoughts are either towards the past, or the future. And you're right, I can give a lot of chances to people, but when I feel that's being repeatedly squandered, whatever goodwill I had towards that person just disappears, and I'd badly want to cut them out of my life, even if they're not intentionally trying to hurt me.
#4 is so true. I very well get and understand people in my life. My closest few friends get me very well but I definitely feel like there is always a disconnect on some level. I think that is because I reveal certain aspects of my character to one person and reveal a different variation for another person. Each variation is 100% me. I am in no way trying to be fake, manipulative, or a people pleaser. I realize I just naturally know how to best mesh with that individual or circumstance. This also though means it is very unlikely for me to ever feel like any one person 100% ever truly gets me. Recently was dating a guy who I believe was an ESTP who honestly had the best shot and was trying but he ghosted me--neither of our lives are in a good place for a relationship so I get it. I also think we are both in a place where we are trying to tap into our shadows in a positive way and that is why we clicked and understood each so well for the short time we spent together.
I’ve taken the test and am an INFJ but the only thing that doesn’t resonate with me is that I always know my feelings and where I stand. I just don’t always express or act on these things out of desire for harmony. But everything else you say fits me to a T. I don’t think any ‘type’ has to fit the bill 100%because we are human and there must be room for slight variance.
That's really interesting Julia. I can't pretend to know how the cognitive functions and the stack work 100%, but that's definitely very interesting that you seem to think that you are very in tune with your own feelings and where you stand, but also desire harmony and social neutrality. I've never really been good at knowing my own feelings... in fact, when people ask me how I'm doing (and then I proceed to answer honestly... i.e. actually try to explain myself), I don't usually have the words to describe it. Or at least I feel like I'm doing a poor job at explaining it properly. Then when people give you that look and say something like "oh okay, yea I understand" I'm thinking to myself 'Naw you don't really understand, and that's alright. I don't even know if I do either'. What you're describing is a strong Fe and a (apparently) strong Fi. These cognitive functions are usually quite separated by considerable distance on the cognitive stack, and it's not typical that both of them are developed together. People are all unique, and god only knows what variations of us really exist out there in the world. People are definitely able to develop their weaker cognitive functions as we age in life, and grow as human beings though. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's definitely some food for thought - for me anyhow.
You're definitely not alone. I also strongly identify as INFJ but also have a good grasp of my own inner feelings and motivations. I'm not sure if it was a "natural" part or something I just developed over time. I have anxiety and so it's helpful to understand what triggers it and what thoughts I am telling myself that may be making it worse.
Honestly, I think that when an INFJ matures due to life experiences or even due to a job calling for the development of certain functions you get better at differentiating your own feelings. However, the conflict is keeping that harmony. This will put you at odds with what you think ideally should happen versus what others can take so it may appear that you don't know what you are feeling base on the INFJs actions to keep that peace.
I fell this so much. I think that if you are used to try to get other people's emotions, it's kind of impossible not to do the same with your own self. It's like treating yourself as "another person", but with more detailed and possibly honest feedback
If you "always know your feelings and where you stand," and "don't always express or act on these things" maybe you're an INFP. Those are very much introverted feeler characteristics. I WISH I had that kind of certainty. It seems like it would make life so much easier. I also think resisting categorization is an Fi trait... But you're right. There's room for variance.
16personalities gave me INFJ the first time I took it and I was so surprised! I thought "there's no way" but then I read the description and like 80% seemed to fit me! It was crazy! Flash forward a week and I discovered I'm INFP lol. Once I looked into that description and learned the cognitive stacks, I felt at home with INFP (including a lot of the stereotypes, I ❤ all things Tolkien). So your first point (for me) was correct-o! Great video!!!
@Good Cook if you really want to know, look at the cognitive function stacks; there's a huge difference between Introverted Feeling and Introverted Intuition :)
@@lovewho - The future conversations thing... I've seen that aspect discussed occasionally and I do it as well. When I think about WHY I do it (since we always want to know why), I think a part of the reason is preparation since INFJs tend to be better with the planned written word versus the spontaneous spoken. Just in case I have that conversation in the future, maybe I'll be more glib in the moment by practicing my verbal expression. But I think a bigger part of it is just to make me feel better about the situation. :\ Tangent: A police officer came to work to train us on Active Shooter situations and his advice was to play the "what if" game in our heads. "What if an intruder burst into the room right now, where would I go?" or "What if I was at my desk when someone attacked?" etc. No thank you, that kind of advice would only tax my anxiety even MORE. I'm probably already thinking along those lines somewhere in the background... And there you go, bonus little INFJ mental leaps in thoughts/conversation. A book I'm reading about INFJs asks that I question how open and vulnerable I really am in life, so there's some openness... in a relatively anonymous setting. Cheers.
Stu Stu I do the same with comments. I find that it’s a way to process with something troubling me or a way of conversing with myself (when I delete them) to figure something out. I write short stories/random ideas in my free time, so perhaps this applies only to my case. 🤷🏻♀️ just thought I’d suggest maybe??
that's not how the future thing works in my head... i don't tend to conversate... mine is more what if. but other than that accurate for me. for you sounds like infj with an enneagram type social fixation (so). to be clear many if not most infj probably have a social fixation because of the Fe Harmony function. My Fe Was more oriented around safety which is an sp or self preservation fixation. there is also sx or 'intimacy' fixation
I enjoyed your presentation. I definitely, met all the INFJ criteria. Being an INFJ is the easy part communicating to other types as an INFJ is the challenge.
being an infj used to be easy for me until i decided i needed to grow a lot.... which i have heard as a meme... Infj's growing a lot in their 30s and 40s. for me at least that's true
Nicholas H Being an INFJ is easy. Many INFJ’s believe it isn’t easy because of the ways they have been mischaracterized by other people. Once, I accepted myself as an INFJ and stopped labeling myself in the ways I was perceived by other people it suddenly, became easy being an INFJ. INFJ’s are misunderstood because we are complex so, what is difficult or impossible for other types for us is easy. Ni ROCKS!!
Agree to disagree. i believe you are over generalizing to a heavy extent based on personal experience. i believe as an Infj you can choose to make it easy (disregarding disability and disease etc. sleep apnea certainly made things very hard for me along with a toxic partner that i committed to). but to me why would you make it easy... that's boring from my perspective and i also can't accomplish my long term goals without going deep into myself and clearing out the emotional background and coming to grips with it. For instance how can i ever truly hope to help someone with Fi go through things unless i uncover my fi Shadow..
although i suppose i could just door slam anyone who is 'too' challenging for me... that would make things easy. personally I'd rather choose the challenge.
I definitely agree that if Ni doesn't see a path forward, ties can be cut very abruptly. It has happened recently to me as well with an ENTP(most probably) girl.
INFJ doorslam... I like that you mentioned the 'more than one chance' part. I experienced this once recently, and it was because the person repeatedly felt short of expectations. And it's not like big expectations... just human stuff. For me, I spent weeks having conversations with myself and thinking about possibilities, and the conclusion was that this person does not fit into my life, and I didn't think I was going to make their life any better being there thinking these things either. The weird part is that the other person had no idea I was unhappy or thinking these things, but by then it was already too late, because I had already justified my reasons to leave... so I absolutely get why this would be unfair to the other person. But once you realize whatever you realize about the relationship, it's like you emotionally close off a bit. Ahhh.
No matter what your personality scores in a test.. You always have a choice to change specific qualities and yes humans are good at doing that. And still you can score same in the test 😅🙌
I'm an INFJ-T. Odd thing is my door is always open but I always hope and pray no one walks through that open door. If they do walk through all is great at the time, anyone or everyone is happy. I make sure of that. But, it's so exhausting that I need hermit time afterwards. A lot of hermit time. I'll make very convincing excuses to get out of interactions. Yup, multiple academy awards should be lining my shelves. Hahaha jk
It’s incredibly painful being an INFJ. Nothing changes this fact. Not friends, not money, not luxuries. Whatever status, whatever circumstance, it’s a heavy burden. And yet...being alive still feels precious.
Same here though! Took the test for more than 10 times and always got INFJ , but I started doing it after I saw an article about it, which I highly related to. I guess it had a bit of influence on the result, but having researching for almost a year confirms it in my thought patterns. I believe you can get the correct result from the test only when you are totally self-aware of everything you do and think (which is unrealistic).
There is a big chance that you get infj as a result of such a test, but a chance that you really are an infj is only about 2%. That's why this point is mostly (not always) true. (I also got infj there and after months of deep research i think i really am one 😉)
The problem with the 16personalities website is that they use their own definitions, with the MBTI labels. This causes a lot of mistypings. It wasn't always like this, with their website. They had it well, early on. But the last few years, they've gone and done their own thing. I find one of the better online tests to actually do is IDR Labs "Cognitive Functions Test".
@@josephdanejackson You're absolutely right, I was left confused in MBTI because I started at 16personalities, but I'm about 10 levels past that now. It's still interesting I took the test multiple times and still get INFJ.
I took the test 7 times over the years, desperately wanting to NOT be an INFJ, because I wanted my feeling of being an alien when I'm in most groups of people to be something fixable. I was told yesterday that the Truity test is better than 16Pers, but still got INFJ on that one, but with ENFJ in second position and INTJ in third position. When I was much younger I tested as INTJ, but age slowly made me realize that my feelings are much wiser than my thoughts and I am an empath too, so I trust feeling more now. I always hear that your type cannot change though...is that true? I also have a very small social worker, but still have 4 friends who claim to be INFJs! I only see one of them as really being an INFJ, and she is close to ENFJ. The others are ISFJ, ISFP and INFP, imo. The big weakness I see with MBTI is that you must know yourself far better than most of us do, to be able to give honest answers.
You know you're not an INFJ when you got INFJ as your result on the sixteen personalities contest - I laughed so hard at this because no matter how honestly I play, I NEVER get INFJ. I realized it only after studying cognitive functions. But I'm still unsure and scared if I'm a mistype.
The door slam is very real. I've done it before. I've had this friend who was in a way always taking advantage. Most times I kept quiet but at times I told him and he still wouldn't hear any of it and then one day I was just like...enough! I gave him a piece of my mind and shut the door. It's been like 2 years now and still haven't ever talked to him. I let go off the anger but the problem with being friends is where do you even start from?
Thanks Nathan for another awesome upload. As to No.5 "When you door is always open". Very true. In fact I have only lived in places where no-one can tell if I'm at home or not. The layout should be such that you cannot tell if my car is home or the lights are on. I'm definitely by appointment only. My biggest problem I used to have was "but I saw your light on". It's not that I'm angry with anyone. I just need to be on my own. Since no-one understands, I only live where no-one can tell and no-one gets offended. So that's how it plays out in action in my life. Best!
PS: I actually did 16 personalities test with my son right from the start (so he of all people would pretty much steer me to accuracy on the test and I him who is INFP). I was most surprised to get an article that actually identified with me for once.. Thereafter learnt everything I could about cognitive functions etc. INFJ is more like me and not the other way round. I don't like sites that glorify us but stick to the truth. We're not all fairy chasing, tree hugging snowflakes. We just go around philosophizing everything in sight and people look at us quizzically. I wouldn't mind meeting a Nathan or others on the MBTI web in real life. I think it's only MBTI where INFJs feel most understood.
Thank you! That desire for space is 100% accurate. Some people really struggle to understand that need for alone time and it's such a shame that they take it personally since that's certainly not the way it's intended ~ Nathan
LOL! “The layout should be such that you can’t tell if my car is home.....”. Reminds me of the time I rented a house and painted the inside of the garage windows black; if people knocked and I didn’t want to answer, they couldn’t see my car parked in the garage (and know that I was home but not answering). Yes, all visitors are by appointment only; I need time to prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for “invasion” of my private sanctum.
Haha, yes!! I live in an apartment building. If I hear anyone in the hallway, I will wait until they are gone before I open my door. I don’t care if it makes me late for an appointment, I’ll wait lol.
I really need to re-do the test. I‘ve testet INFJ 6 years ago and completely agreed with everything. But the past 6 years I spent working on myself. Learning about attachment styles and how i shape my own reality. I‘ve been meditating, doing yoga and even did a 10 day vipassana course to learn all about each individual emotion that pops up. I‘m very much in touch with my emotions, I‘m very connected to the present now and I‘m very good in getting rid of what doesn‘t serve me. I‘m still highly emphatic, i pick up every emotion from others and always see trough people. But yeah, maybe I am an improved INFJ now *laugh*
when you’re talking about your thoughts and feelings with someone and every other sentence you say “i hope this is making sense” or “i feel like this doesn’t make sense” 💀
The first one is so accurate. Tests that use cognitive functions usually type me INFJ (ENFJ sometimes as well) but at 16p I always get either ENFP or INTP.
If INFJs are overwhelmed by fast paced environments, what advice would you give to one who wants to be a performer? I feel my mission in life is to use my music to move people, but to learn how to have stage presence is such a challenge
INFJs have an incredible sort of silent emotional intensity. They have access to a depth of emotion that no other type does. You don't necessarily have to display the emotion outwardly because it's your "vibe" or presence which does all the work. Use it and people will be mesmerized. I want to encourage you so much! Best wishes.
As an INFJ who works in a stat lab involving blood bank...it was trial by fire baby! Lol. Oddly enough, I am leaving for a new job to exclusively work in a trauma 1 blood bank at a large hospital. What possessed me to do such a thing was me wanting to overcome my lack of knowledge at my old work place. When an INFJ finds a goal higher than them and take the leap they just do. Each time that I would encounter a challenging situation, I had to adapt because not only did my coworkers need me to know what I'm doing, the patients needed me so for me I slowly learned to be calm even in the storm. I'm not saying it will be easy, but each time that you face your fears you are a little less shaken inside and soon you'll find that you'll thrive in the chaos. :D.
I wouldn't say I remove everything that doesn't serve me but I do filter out the trash, I have too much that fascinates me and tend to lose track and become overwhelmed, so I start with what I see as the biggest hindrance.
I'm sending my heartwarmest regards to all INFJs with whom this video did not resonate, did not feel right and did NOT sink to their inner core. Your perception of how educational systems kill children's innate creativity and unique world outlooks are FASCINATING to listen to, as well as being part of many more philosophical discussions on many of our other societal PROBLEMS. Please keep up with developing and spreading many more of your insights :P
Thanks @@ChristopherWaddelow , I had a particular person in mind when writing it :) we had the most interesting interaction dynamic, especially when it came to us teasing each others types (especially since he held it strongly he was an INFJ)
I have something to say on door slamming- that is true, but as an INF/TJ it is greatly important to ‘do what is right’ so even though you might feel like ‘dropping a family member’ at times, it isn’t the right thing to do, so you don’t do it.... Thanks for the vid, I really enjoyed it :)
This is a very accurate depiction of INFJ in general. I particularly agree with your description of the way we can loose complete feeling and motivation for something, seemingly out of nowhere despite having put forth massive effort to make it work.
there are lots of ISTJs out there who think they are INFJs , get your type right and stop stereotyping, if you got an INFJ on your MBTI test just keep in mind that they are the rarest type out there, so the chance of you being one is low, you need to do more research to make sure you are one so you can develop your self better so society can function better as whole, getting your type correctly matter more then getting a rare type, and trust me being a rare type is no fun, no one understand you even if you try. there are VERY few INFJs out there and i can just tell when someone is an INFJs, the once i met in real life seem lost in thought , they talk to you but they are not really with you, they have that wise vibe to them, there is a since of sadness to them, i think its because they feel misunderstood even thought they are loved by most people, i really like INFJs they are so selfless and kind and logical at the same time, they are also one of the few types that i connect with on a deep level, they just get it, so far i think i have met one INFJ in real life, and i respect him greatly, but i can see why there are lots of fake INFJs out there, most of them are ISTJs who are Si-Fi focused, they look like an INFJs but they don't have that energy nor they way a real INFJ thinks.
ISTJ's who think they're INFJ's? Are you serious right now? I've never seen that, nor could I imagine it being likely to occur. Most mistyped people who think they are INFJ's are INFPs.
@@bigd7355 i agree with you that there are INFPs who think that they are INFJs, but INFPs are rare too, but ISTJs are the most common type out there, and to why they might mistype themselves as an INFJ is because they have Fe blind spot, so they have no idea how people feel but they think that they do, but what they are actually doing is analysing people with Te not Fe.
My ex was an ISTJ and I can promise you they are so embedded in concrete reality. There is not a bone of abstract thought in him at all. So with respect, I find it difficult to see how ISTJ of all people would get confused.
@@redskyalice2529 read what i typed, i typed "lots of ISTJs" not all of them, and i wrote later that those are the sensitive ISTJs aka Si-Fi focused ISTJs look like INFJs and i never said that they are abstract, they are concrete in most cases, but you have to understand the cognitive function, if you look that up you will find that the ISTJ superego side of the mind is an INFJ.
This was explained so well, I always try to search videos up such as "How to know if your a real INFJ" because I always doubt my self since it's considered rare, even though I've done so much research and have confirmed multiple times that I'm a INFJ. I'm just so often in denial about whether im a INFJ or not, please tell me you other INFJS relate and get what I'm talking about 😭
You have no idea how much I relate to this. However I may not be an INFJ, after long reaserch I'm thinking that I might be an ISFJ, however I relate to INFJ so much. Yeah.. I have no idea and I don't think I ever will know for sure.
Hahahha I literally laughed out loud through this whole thing 😅😂 INFJ here, this is the most accurate thing I’ve ever heard. It is really interesting to hear your perspective
I have one serious problem. I tend to feel a need to tell my close friends about things I feel uncomfortable at work at school etc, and just so after telling them the incident, then I realised what i am supposed to feel about it. That emotion tends to be buried and I myself couldn’t discover it. I just feel weird and unsure what to feel most the time. Until my mom or my friend yell at me with their anger (usually) then mine will slowly kick in, and I’d then realised yes, I didn’t get angry that moment, and it was why I felt so uncomfortable. And sometimes I just suddenly flood my eyes with tears after receiving a pat on my shoulder when I’m going through some stressful thing. I will never realised I was sad if it was not somebody patting me, knowing that deep down I am... is this common...
YES!!!! damn I thought i was weird or slow or something the worst thing is when some person throws a dig and YOU KNOW THEY DID but you don't get angry on time to give a good comeback and you realise minutes later why you're upset 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
Omg yes! I need to discuss an experience to realize how I feel about it (unless it's a really extreme situation where it's very clear). Sometimes I get worried because I don't really know what I'm feeling until I sit down to talk about it with someone. Another example is that I can't cry alone, even if I want to, I need the company to be able to express my sadness. I hope that made sense
YAYYY you posted it! 2. Yes, YOU are NOT an INFJ when you have a deep understanding of your own emotions Fe doesn't understand their OWN emotions, that's Fi INFJs tend to not "KNOW" what they are feeling, they just absorb emotions - as there are 2 different types of empathy, and INFJs empathy is not cognitive but rather "emotional". It's absorbing but not merely understanding its complexities with much depth. I've observed this with my INFJ friends - I as an Fi dom tend to have to explain, map or point out their feeling when they don't realize they are feeling it. It usually has a delayed reaction when they get hurt or betrayed or whatever.
@@lovewho too many typos, but damn. I mean you get me. ;D I kinda wanna do a video with you guys but how do I? And also, it has become more apparent to me that you're a Ti user.
@@lovewho "Easy... I can take the compliment, but my knees start knocking when you turn on the charm full blast." It's not just your snarky, spot on wham, bam joking... With a straight face! But the intellect and surprise that it's wrapped in that makes it more effective. Not many can surprise me, ever!
My paranoid intuition mind is going to give myself credit for inspiring this topic🤔 Brilliant start with the 16 types test(turbulent?) I have taken too many tests. The ones I trust most were those that use the Beebe 8 function model and socionics. These tests left me with a break down result of each function. They were consistent. Example of one was Ne 75 Ni 73 Si 25 Se 27 Fe 49 Fi 55 Ti 51 Te 45. If you can read that you are a pro. There was no conclusion of ENFP or INFJ. It was an in person conversation that gave me the “No you are not ENFP. You are clearly INFJ”. One of his observations was my use of ‘I think’ over ‘I feel’. My use of I think was well over the 51% majority. Here is an observation, ‘you may not be INFJ if you like the idea of being INFJ.’ INFJ the empathic rational who cries at commercials, we are just so weird. I will leave with a quote from RU-vidr INFJ writer, David Badurina, “So you just found out you’re an INFJ. Congratulations and I’m sorry.”
scrillion6 you are accurate in yo ur assessment of an INFJ’s self-assessment. Here goes: “why the fuck do I have to be the most useless personality of them all?” There you go, true INFJ. Look at me, super idealistic and living in Ni-Ti land, like that’s certainly going to be helpful to society lol. This is my mindset after discovering INFJ. It’s a curse, not a blessing.
@@paradigmshift7541 Ni/Ti idealism, then we get clobbered by a Te/Fi thru our Fe out that Fi critical parent.....self sabotage!! Once I understood this I understood soooooo much about me.
@@scrillion6 I'm not quite there understanding that nuance yet. I've just been coming around after being held back by 16Personalities test for so long. How does Te/Fi thru FE work? and how does it relate to Fi critical parent?
I think I am an INFJ since the INFJ cognitive functions stack aligns with mine (and I tried many cognitive functions tests all of which said that my functions are mostly similar to the INFJ's) and I meet all the criteria you present in this video. I would like to comment about the feeling part of the INFJ. I am not in touch of my feelings most of the time, but I am aware of what others feel and I always want them to feel like they are comfortable and being heard. My best friend is a psychology major and she always asks me "How does that make you feel?" The true answer would be always "I don't know, I haven't processed my feelings yet." A week after, I would have processed my emotions but never effectively, so they come dumping on me all at once, which makes my emotions very intensified. This is a scary part: I've been putting my own feelings aside, until I don't know how to deal with them. This is why I sometimes feel sad about things at random points in time, and happy about things I should have been happier earlier about.
This is very intriguing! I always get an INFP when I test and I'm always so frustrated. I know I'm for sure not an INFP. The other aspect I found quite interesting is that INFJs don't understand their emotions well. This holds very true for me. I can read other people very well and understand and analyze their personalities very well, but when it comes to myself, I just can't figure myself out. There are so many sides to my personality and I've been trying to figure myself out for 10 plus years but I'm constantly coming up with new theories and later dismissing them.
I am an INFJ and am perplexed by what I have seen sometimes online where people wish to either be an INFJ or date one. While certainly rewarding and interesting, my experience is also frequently lonely and frustrating. This is not the type I would have chosen for myself if I had that opportunity.
It gets better as you get much older. You will overcome the frustration, and loneliness, as well as being able to discipline your mind better, although that rich and exciting inner life will always be with you. Try learning to play an orchestral musical instrument and join a local orchestra. You get to meet nice people and socialise, but you mostly have to stay silent, or play, so you spend almost all the time silent, so you don't have to talk to them. It's also a good , healthy outlet for all of our emotions and thoughts.
You know you're an INFJ when you have numerous contradicting thoughts, namely, wanting to be alone but also wanting to be together with people. Addtionally, being able to be very empathetic towards others, but your own emotions sometimes being a mystery. For instance, when I see someone sad or crying, I have an urge to also cry and be sad with them. I want to know what's making them sad, so I can hopefully make them happy in the future (especially if they're a close friend, I may go out of my way to help them physically and emotionally). However, when I've "tried" to make myself cry, it is almost impossible. It's been almost five years since I cried because of my own geniune emotions. Whenever I get a bit tear-eyed, it's always because of someone else's emotions or me thinking of their emotions, but never because of how I really feel inside. It is weird, but that is just how I am wired.
As an infp I feel like we must have the “door slam” trait too because I’m quick to “quit” on things. Wether it be a person treating me poorly or quitting coffee out of the blue because I didn’t like the smell of it dried😂😂😂
I hate when my Fe writes a check my Ti can't cash. I can feel somthing so strongly in one setting and then realize later on I never felt that way at all. I honestly just pick up on other peoples emotional feedback. Once I've had time to recharge I get so mad at myself when I can't justify that emotion. It's like living in that one justin Bieber song. I'm constantly asking myself "what do you mean?"
This is so funny...struggles to be present. I used to go to a gym and then to the sauna and I would be lying there in the sauna trying to relax...repeating to myself: relax. be here now. relax. be here now. Just drove myself crazy.
I'm just glad I didn't know what the fuck MBTI was when I took the exam and got INFJ. It's so difficult to pinpoint my identity and who I am; taking the test blind saved me the pressure of obsessing over what type I "should" be.
Oh man, that's one of those indecisions that seems super obvious to me in person. But it can be harder to tell over the internet through comments. And I understand it can be much harder to analyze yourself. People who are Fe PoLR really don't "get" Fe to begin with, so it's often hard for them to tell whether they have it or not. In situations where IxTJs think they might have Fe, I've noticed they usually confuse Te for Fe. With INFJs who think they're INTJ, I think they often don't realize how INFJs can come across very cold, detached, and logical. What would you say your biggest problem is when it comes to getting along with people? How do you help people? When a coworker asks you how you're doing, how do you respond and why? A friend asks you to listen to a song they recorded after spending a lot of time writing and practicing. You listen to it and it's pretty terrible. What do you say when they ask you if you like it? Do you think it's more likely that: A. everyone generally means well but some people are just inherently selfish or too stupid for their own good? Or, B. Everyone is capable of doing a good job, but some people are too lazy to do shit the right way and some people act incompetent because they have bad intentions? If you could only choose one, would you rather have: A. A partner who loves you and appreciates/values you more than you love/value/appreciate them? Or, B. A partner who you value, appreciate, and love more than they value, appreciate, and love you?
@@heatherbryant4197 1.) Our intentions not matching up, i suppose. I can personally stand small talk since i know i can eventually redirect it into deeper conversations once i decide if i actually a.) have the current energy to delve into that b.) if i like someone enough to connect with on that level c.) after my evaluation, if i think theyre the type of person who'd like those types of topics if i just sense youre not gonna be the type of person ill super easily get along with with minimal effort (disregarding charming quirks and foibles, i love that stuff) then ill immediately lose the energy / enthusiasm to talk unless you initiate first, redirect the topic to something id be more interested in or i still want to connect with you so ill redirect the topic myself, or gently prod myself to be genuinely interested in who you are because itll help me connect with you 2.)Usually it's being a good conversationalist, i love being entertaining to the people i deem deserving (not the loud kind like most extroverts tho, dear god im too awkward for that), listening intently to someone's feelings, stories, things theyre passionate about, or small acts of kindness like giving you food and stuff or helping you with stuff you need to do 3.) "ehhh not doing super well to be honest but eh what can you do, lmao its life. how about you? you doing okay?" 3.) "i think it just might not be my taste tbh, but i think all the effort you put in it makes it all worth it. don't discredit yourself just because of my silly opinion, this is your piece and if you enjoy it then why the hell would you care what i think? just release it into the wild wild west of music, my dude. if no one likes it, just keep improving with every track. im sure someday youll do well." 4.) A, yeah some people are more selfish but i guess its our responsibility to not let them abuse our good intentions and always put boundaries 5.) I'd much rather someone loving me a lot more than i love them. I might just be biased because of my past with giving myself too much to people i care about and guess im tired. Oh well, that's another thing to put on my list of emotional traumas to reconcile with, i suppose.
1) People being annoying and/or stupid. 2) I tend to help people by both offering emotional support and suggesting ways to solve their problems. Especially the latter. 3) I'd probably say that it needs some improving and would suggest things that I think would make the song better but I'd try to not hurt the person's feelings as much as I could by highlighting the good things about their song too. 4) I'm pretty sure it's A. 5) I have experienced both and I think both are shitty situations when prolonged over time, but I'd definitely say A.
you have got the door slam correct well done. I have had to do so many times and only after i realized the people I were helping were not willing to put in the amount of effort in themselves to work on their issues. When someone has an imbalance I try to point it out it is a moral responsibility of everyone of us to deal with that because weather we believe it or not that effects each and everyone of us. I could use an example if I have to but Im sure you all can understand.
I agree that as an INFJ it is extremely important to be self focused. Growing up I thought that would be too selfish, but I learned that it isn't even close to being selfish. Nobody can take care of my needs or understand me better than me, so I need to put in the extra effort to make sure my needs are met so I can function and be happy. A lot of the inner chaos I had when I was younger was from unfulfilled needs which stemmed from lack of control over my own life. A healthy INFJ can be very in touch with their emotions when not around others. People can muddle or distract from that. I can catch myself when I begin to get emotional but I hope to someday get to a point where I can step in before that even happens, walking away if necessary. It's like there is a delay between what is going on and my being conscious of it that makes it hard to react properly in the moment. It is possible to create a feedback loop by voicing thoughts and feelings aloud, I just need more practice. Having self esteem and believing that your thoughts and feelings have value is also important. I also "feel" through things. Not with my emotions. I suppose you could say it is my "heart" or my "soul" or some part of my subconscious. It's slow and needs time, that's why I can't make decisions quickly, but I will know it is the right choice because it will feel right, even if it will be difficult or unpleasant. I do lots of research but can make decisions if I need to, something I struggled with a lot when I was young. Life experience and practice helped a lot with that.
You just touched on something that had not been sitting right with me. I identified with all of these except the inability to understand my own emotions. But that's it. I can understand my emotions, but I need to be alone and able to process through them first.
You got me at the last minute. I'm not one to subscribe people but I will subscribe just because I see the benefit. I want to touch on the idea of door slam. It is true and I have done it before. Twice. I'm still figuring myself out whether I am ISFJ or INFJ, but the doorslam makes sense to me. I recently "doorslam" an ISFP friend abruptly. I aim to understand the context and the person because tolerance and patient are important values for me. It was a long escalation (like six months)...one day I received a text from her, and I thought to myself that I'm done with her. I blocked her from every form of communications and blocked her social media. I didn't realize how long I held onto my anger until that one text. There were other factors that were involved like I didn't realize I allowed the situation to continue and she was becoming toxic as well. Emotional maturity is the main thing to consider when dealing with our emotions and can help the INFJ avoid doorslamming.
Are you a psychologist? You did a few things that got me: -I connected after the second scenario on both an intellectual level and an emotional level that I've seldom connected to other people. -You made me want to support your Patreon on the first video (and I would but I'm a college student). That has never happened before -You almost convinced me to subscribe on the first video, an act that I do very "cautiously" so to speak. -I almost subscribed without second thought when usually someone telling me to do something is met with intellectual resistance.
No I'm not at all, nor am I qualified in any way (although one day it would be a nice idea to go into that field). Just me and my weird thoughts/opinions! ~ Nathan
Nah .... we are great in extroverted environments, parties, we entertain, as a talent... we draw people out there & so we are desired back to the party that drained us.
Being an INFJ I can tell you that being "empathetic's" main drawback is that because you constantly feel for the person who is going through the pain (even if you are not directly doing it but you feel indirectly affected because you feel the emotion they would feel if same thing happened to you), is that you are constantly putting those people's feelings first and thereby those ppl first and quite frankly, your own needs/emotions coming in second. That basically means that you are putting someone's well being and emotions ahead of you own essentially saying your feelings/emotions play second fiddle. Then when we expect people to have similar empathy for us but they don't than as an INFJ we get extremely frustrated. Almost, as though, how difficult is it to understand how I feel when i can totally see where you're coming from.
I have door slammed twice ..one was a life long friend... Felt relieved!! Nobody really knows me. Have one good friend I trust..she's honest ... We do not agree on everything but I value her opinion . You feel you are an observer in this world. I am in the world but you sit aside from everyone else. You see the world going in this chaotic commotion. I do not join in on this mess. I need time out to recharge and then I can step out again. I am not depressed nor lonely. I join in when I want to. Best way I can explain what this personality is like. You do feel different than everyone else but it's acceptable. I do see things in people...intuition is very strong....I basically feel it inside me what is wrong, or what people are thinking etc. I am helpful to people, like to tackle huge projects. I am very future oriented... I see things that will unfold. I can hear people think.. That one is tough because I stay quiet many times with knowledge that can help people. You can't help everyone. So a little insight how we live and think. I was tested at work years ago. So maybe it has changed as time goes by...
Finding your type in a complex system takes time and patience and some detours and the process is not going to take the same path for each person... so if someone thinks they are a certain type for a while while researching I think that is pretty par for the course... neither learning nor growing happens in a straight line... and people do not fit into little box example: no two infjs are going to have identical values or ways of being...just saying
Rayan Alfadel Yep anyone who says “as an _ _ _ _” at the start of their comment is almost definitely a Te Fi user. Te users love building up an external identity for people to see. “As an INFJ” is an example of establishing an external identity. Ti users build an internal identity that is personal to them, they are a much less concerned with their external identity.
Him: You know you're not INFJ when you door is always open. Me: *gasps* "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAY I ALWAYS LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM WHILE EAR DROPPING MY HOUSE MATES' CONVERSATION??!!!" Him: *talks about the concept of door slam* Me: okay.....
I like the distinction on the "door slam". I have often thought. I don't slam the door, I just leave the building and have no interest in going back. It is not (for me) an act of anger, more like an emptiness of feeling towards someone or a situation.
