You May Be Signalling to Others That You Feel “Less-Than” 

My new book RE-REGULATED comes out in October, but if you pre-order it now, I'll give you instant, exclusive access to my newest course, INNER POWER (a $160 value). Get all the details and pre-order here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together, and will definitely be reading RE-REGULATED as soon as it's out) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership

I went to a party last night to meet new people (I recently moved to a new town) and I was so nervous before I went. I meditated and did the daily practice and made myself a mug of tea to go. I drank tea instead of alcohol (I have had a history of drinking when I feel insecure= recipe for disaster) and I focused on really being present with the people I met. I had a wonderful time and was invited back for breakfast this morning. This is a huge win. Thank you so much for all your guidance. We CAN heal!

The difference is that a beaten dog is lavished with affection and healing and giving and love. A beaten man is abandoned and judged and treated like a liability.

People mess with others more when they sense weakness. Its a sad society we live in.

It also attracts "predators"--it's as though they get a scent that you're easy prey

People just think I’m rude when I’m just trying to function. Unfortunately, I still think that someone possibly talking to me is a threat.

This is why a true relationship with God that transforms your identity at the very heart of who you are into a beloved child of God is so healing and is freedom! We are all broken but there's freedom in Jesus. I couldn't get any healing until I started believing what His word says about me.

People can smell fear. A negative aura drives good people away and attracts narcissists. That’s exactly what happened to me with a very nice person I met in my meditation class. Before long, I found myself putting MYSELF in the underdog position with this person. Taking the “backseat,” or slipping into the “omega” position, is what I call it in hindsight. My cousin literally asked me once, why I always “volunteer” to take the backseat when we’re getting in the car with friends, or why I always want to sit off to the side in restaurants, etc. The only way we can change a habit, is to be painfully aware of it. Thank you for bringing awareness to this topic.

I’m not the underdog anymore. I used to live in that victim state looking for people to save me. Now I save myself and no one will dare mess with me.

I've always thought people were just smelling it on me. I figured that's why people tend to not take me seriously and feel comfortable pushing me around, insulting me, even assaulting me physically. Somehow they know they can get away with it. If I try to act like the tough guy, they just laugh. I was the HR person at a company I co founded, second only to the guy who bought the company. As soon as I assumed the role everybody just started behaving like monkeys right to my face, being defiant, cursing at me. How did they know. They all knew. What is my tell?

Because of low self esteem, I never had a love life.

Imo, people who are pushed away by someone's PTSD or take advantage of traumatized people are no worth the trouble to get to know to begin with. Who the heck would want to be friends with people with whom everything's fine only as long as everything's fine, or who start playing some toxic social game with you the moment they notice you're not at your best? I'd rather be alone than in bad company. I'd also never miss an opportunity to get to know people just because they give "underdog" vibes. Instead I'd try to become their friend just to help lifting them back up if nothing else, and bring at least a little bit of positivity into their lives.

Our past trauma pushes people away… I think this may be more a negative reflection on them than myself. You mention the abused dog… we tend to care more about, much more, the abused dog than mankind. Abused, hurting person, no time… get away. Abused dog, ‘C’mer baby…’ I have my faults but this isn’t one. I care about both.

Hopefully this comment will help someone out here: I can usually tell if someone is insecure if they’re negatively self-absorbed. Like Anna said, it’s being highly critical of yourself and not really letting people in. Unfortunately this can turn the other way and show itself as highly critical of others (as in a “I’m going to judge other people before they judge me” sort of way). This one time, there was this girl I met who was making these really funny voices, so I laughed. She thought I was laughing AT her instead of WITH her, so that’s how I noted she was insecure. She would also make passing judgments at other women that revealed that she wasn’t that much better than the women she said were judging her. It started to get unpleasant being around her because then she started to nitpick at me. Consider if you like being around someone who criticized you or constantly thinks the worst of you because they’re insecure. How you think of self reflects in how you see others, which is why that saying “how you see people is a reflection of yourself” or something like that. Or “wherever you go, there you are”. Now the example I gave was not a great one, but any good person should be able to see whether or not you’re earnestly trying to put yourself out there. Shy people (not necessarily insecure) just need to be around the right sort of people to come out of their shell. Have a little faith in yourself and others. And if they prove themselves to be icky, know you can always give them the boot.

Then there are those of us who live with chronic intense physical pain from all the abuse, beatings and torture. As much as you try to live a normal life, it isn’t normal, it’s physical intense pain 24/7 which also leads to many health issues. Yes people pick up on something is not “normal”. If I were able to be free of this intense pain I would in an instant.

Low Self Esteem is my middle name! I embrace it; I wear it like an old coat or a war wound. Whenever I mistakenly feel proud or confident, I remind myself of my place in life. I remind myself of my many failures.

54 years and still struggling with this... 😢 sad...

This is exactly why I love myself conditionally rather than unconditionally. This is why I only love myself when I’m happy and positive every single day of my life. This is the exact reason why I limit and restrict myself from the things that regulate and help me, and benefit me. Because society sees it as socially awkward. Society sees it as, it’s not part of their rules and expectations. As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum, and has complex PTSD, I navigate the world so differently from everyone else. I work every single day to fix myself, and to love myself, for who I am. Instead of hiding myself from everyone just to please other people. I have overcame so much. I now know that I am capable of getting through hard times. I now know that I am capable of anything. Now, it’s about allowing myself to go through those hard times. Allowing myself to do the things that help me, that benefit me, that regulate me. Even though society says you need to mask in order to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Unconditional, self-love, self acceptance, and the freedom to just be myself without the fear of judgment or rejection. I can do this! I need to let go of perfection. And not expect myself to change overnight!

Got bullied hard as a teen throughout school and my father wasn't great, to say the least. Obviously, for me, that led to poor self-esteem, poor value in oneself, and low self-confidence. 90s was not a great time to grow up as a teen. Bullying was harsh and schools and teachers did not care. Then again, is growing up as a teen throughout any period a good time? It might be even worse now, thanks to social media. At least people are aware of bullying, and realize it's a bad thing nowadays. In the 90s and before, however, no one cared. And there were absolutely dire consequences because of that. As Anna said, we can't expect apologies from our bullies and/or parents, and ultimately, would that help us find peace from all the past trauma anyway? I'll never understand why my male peers throughout school were so harsh on me. Hierarchical structures or "cliques" among young boys, perhaps. Shaming someone if they're perceived as being "off" in any way. I don't know. In one aspect, my parents neglected my nutrition big time throughout my entire life, and I was overweight. In my later years of high school, once I lost the weight, the bullying stopped. And overall, I was treated better. If you improve yourself, you will also uncover a harsh truth: society and people are hopelessly shallow. It is unbelievably difficult to find the confidence and value within oneself. I think we search for that outer validation from others, instead. I'd like to argue that if bad people change you for the worse, good and healthy people can change you for the better. If we run into people who treat us well, can we not build confidence and self-esteem through them? But another harsh truth may be that we can only meet good and healthy people if we can build true self-esteem, value, and confidence from within. Building that self-esteem has ultimately been a struggle and a journey for me, but I've found that improving yourself in any aspect of life, no matter how minuscule, can do wonders for confidence. Finding something - anything - you're decent or good at, picking up a skill or a hobby, and really honing it can build confidence by having knowledge of this one thing. By extension, then use that as confidence for yourself as a whole. That's helped me a bit, and that's some slight advice for people with esteem issues, like myself. To anyone out there who's still reading this very long comment! Thank you for this video, Anna. It resonated greatly with me.

Appreciate this. I neeeded to hear this today. I keep getting overly involved in others folks issues and problems, instead of focusing on my own.

Boundaries are key imo. Jokes on you are a no no. self deprecating jokes not funny either.... talk to yourself with dignity and others will do the same. If someone is disrespectful call them out calmly and say this is not acceptable and if necessary remove yourself from that situation. Take things slowly... allow time to really know people. Treat your information as high value and do not over share. You matter. ❤

I don’t want to be misunderstood as someone waiting for that apology or as someone who still holds onto that grudge, I’m not. He was full of narcissistic and bitter rage… a man created. Yes, it was extremely painful growing up but I don’t point my finger at him anymore… As an adult I’m fully aware I am responsible for my life, my decisions, and this I accept all the while knowing of the influence an abusive father can have. Difficult indeed but I am responsible for my life.

How can you be this spot on? That’s exactly how I’ve felt from the time I can remember. That cloak/cloud that surrounds me is very real. Not a good place to be in. Glad you can take the time to talk about this very important issue.

I’m not insecure, I just don’t like a lot of people’s energy near me. They make me sick with their bad vibes..

You can not control people, places, or things.

My energy is what attracts people like me

Thank you Anna.. This was very, very good to take in. So true - cPTSD is not our fault but teaching the new perspective that, yes, bc of it, we too can admit that we have hurt others, developed bad habits & can chronically remain in victim-hood. I love your hopeful message that we CAN heal / control our triggers through regulating our emotions & look inward to see what we can change about ourselves (making it 'an inside job") instead of ruminating about how much was taken from us or how unfairly (though, true) others have treated us. Such an important message♥

Whenever I’m proud of something I’ve done I am Leary of saying anything for fear of being asked to do more. I am usually shocked when things turn out right……it was a fluke. Being asked to do something…anything, is high stress.

Oh yes, so true. There is no point in waiting for the abuser to take away the pain they caused. I threw the pain and discomfort back into my mothers lap at least a hundred times. And at least 80 of those, she acknowledged where she went wrong and that it must have been hard on me and she offered her apologies. For which I am for ever grateful because there for we are able to have a somewhat loving mother daughter relationship. But, all here excuses did not take away the seeds of pain, hurt, distrust and low self esteem that were planted in me. Only I could take those out of myself. So I made the decision to no longer discuss those feelings with my mother whenever they come up again. She did her fair job at apologising, what more can I wish for. I have to dig deep into myself to let those seeds flower into something beautiful. It’s still hard work. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. But I’m getting better at it. Also, your video’s and lessons are very helpful. Thank you, Anna!❤

I'm so tired!! I don't want to be around no body it's to much !! I feel safe and at peace alone . I really hope your program helps cause I have zero faith in humanity.

This is exactly what I’m feeling today. I needed to hear this. So grateful for finding your channel

I have some of that " faulty decision making" regarding not giving myself enough time to get out the door. Here's an insight to it: having jobs where I was treated like " you're not doing it fast enough" made me want to slow down my energy to regulate myself.

This video really clarified a lot for me, thank you. I feel like most of my adult life, friends who cared about me would tell me the reason I couldn't find someone, or the 'right' person, or why they felt the person I was dating wasn't treating me well enough, was because I didn't have enough self esteem. I always rationalized that I thought I was a good person with good qualities, but also always trying to improve myself, and in turn, saw the good in these partners and understood their 'flaws'. But so many of your videos have illustrated the maladaptive thinking I had. This one in particular, especially by listing the 3 ways trauma affects self esteem. I'm going to listen to this again and work on these ideas with my therapist. Thank you.

Interesting. I believe other people hold the key to healing our self esteem. We are not solitary creatures by design. If I was suddenly surrounded by kind, honest and emotionally intelligent people with high moral values who would like me the way I am, I would have no issues with low self esteem. I am not enough only when I am surrounded by superficial people who have too much self esteem and shallow values.

I think everyone knows that. But having low self esteem is just a fact many of us have because of neglect,l or abuse in our childhoods. I think it's also very common to struggle for a long time. No one should ve ashamed ot having low self esteem. It just shows you you should work on yourself, very likely you will need outside help for that. Try to see the positive in that and don't punish yourself for the traumas in your past that broke you. It's not like we really have a chance as kids anyway.

I got no tangible actions from this video

That is so interesting that childhood trauma survivors have distorted perceptions under stress. I have experienced this during key points in my life, specifically at my wedding. It was a very busy wedding with friends and family flying into another country and so much to do. I procrastinated doing my wedding speech because I didn't like the idea of having to speak to my family (I had trauma, right?). I think I self sabotaged and left it to the last minute when I was 1000% stressed a week before the wedding. I ended up saying some things that were very damaging to the family and I believe it's because the stress overrode my ability to reason or judge something correctly. This was so helpful to know thank you.

Numerous pieces here for me, all related to the attachment rupture - developmental trauma, betrayal & neglect - I am integrating and healing, but still often feel like the twelve year old gifted kid. Hard to explain. Getting closer, though, healing, integrating, slowing things down, CNS calmed, generally more even overall. There’s so much here, yet just LATENT, due to aforementioned. I often wonder if there’s something I could “do” - an integrating “activity”, that would bring all the fragmentation, incompletion and disorganization together, sync it all up. Sync me up. There’s got to be.

Once again Anna the angel comes to the rescue ❤After my healing, which took intense suffering and time, I notice unconscious people get uncomfortable around me.I let them ❤

Unspoken? I openly speak with low self esteem!!

This video was right on time! Last week I was at the beach for my annual family vacation. I’d just been dumped by a guy I was seeing and was obsessing over what I did wrong. I’ve always had a low self-esteem but I took it so hard. I didn’t tell anyone about it.. I wore sunglasses, had a drink in my hand and was taking in the view of the ocean. Throughout the day my brother kept asking if I was okay. I was so certain I hid it well; socializing, laughing, smiling, celebrating, but no matter what we say or do, people really can pick up on our energies. I think this is my sign to get regulated! lol

Nobody ever asks if I'm okay. 😂

“Playing that role” of the person filled with shame? Those who truly hurt, I don’t see it as ‘playing.’ Perhaps I misunderstood you.

Thanks for this video, Anna. In regard to inviting abuse through one's actions, I heard a message about boundaries that communicated that strong boundaries will drive abusers away. I am an underdog. I am working on being clear and firm with everyone vs accomodating.

Anna thanks again. I think you are an excellent communicator. I need to be reminded that there actually IS a way out of this horror. You've already taught me a lot. Helped me a lot.

I appreciate your kindness and suggestions great video

I struggle with conversations, when I’m out and trying to connect through conversations, I always feel that people are checking out of the conversation the moment I try to contribute to it, their body language changes and they look like they are disinterested, the moment I say anything, then I feel like I’m not seeing their ques beforehand and start to feel less than. That’s when I guess I project that, not sure how to overcome that feeling

Check my habits, regulate my decisions toward health and serenity, have goals and challenge my perceptions when I am confused or feeling small. I can persistently remember that healing is possible.

okay, so how do we do it? the solution is apparently “regulating ourselves from our disregulated state”, how do we measure that? how do we even know we’re in it?

Let me just state it bluntly then - I am a sucky loser with low self-esteem. I want your approval and validation but you won't give it to me because I'm not worthy of it. Thanks for listening.

I relate to, and am drowning in, all of this, but why is help so far outside of my financial reach? Without it, I don't feel I'll go much farther.

Thank you! This is very helpful, not just to me personally, but also for my novel, where the protagonist suffers from trauma like me and has trouble making new friends.

Thanks for posting this, very helpful insight

Its so frustrating being broken

Thank you, Anna.

❤ i just stumbled upon your channel. I've been struggling with everything you've been saying. I just bought your book, and im looking forward to reading it. Thank you for the work you're doing. One issue I have, is that my cptsd comes in waves, memories that just ignite painful emotions. I think it's the hurt that's shutting me down and not allowing me to move forward sometimes.

It is infinitely better to be an "underdog" or whatever than a usual American normie.

I often feel like I’m not just signalling it to others unknowingly, but that I’m intentionally and knowingly doing it.

What are the signals? What are the signs of showing low self esteem unconsciously? Maybe I am showing some of those but I don’t realize it.

Don't get me wrong, but the example with being late at work doesn't seem to have any relation with low self esteem.

So I shouldn't be hiding that? 2:54

This might be what fuels my delusion of Thought broadcasting.

Wow. This hit home big time

Ehh this isn't it either 😭Im doing something wrong. I form good working relationships in a professional setting & Im able to maintain friendships (I dont have a TON of friends, but I got 8 relationships lasting 15 years and another 10+ lasting more than than 8). I've also been in 4 relationships... none of which lasted longer than 3 months & each one required ~24 failed first dates first Im a little weird & I like that about myself. But there is definitely something I am doing wrong. Ive got almost a perfect hit rate when it comes to professional relationships & a ~70% hit rate when it comes to maintaining friendships indefinitely. But relationships.... nah, it aint going well. Given my success in other areas & the volume of interest I get from people romantically + my actions aligning with my goals, Im signalling something wrong. But I dont think its this either Oh well, if I watch enough of these videos Im sure to find it

Wat exually is normal behaviar after abuse????? You are totally messed up after abuse.

😮😢. @crappychildhoodfairy I am so distraught and depressed bc I realize the points you make in these vids is what I see in my wife. 😢. I have tried to be supportive but I know I've been over the top sometimes when I get frustrated with her. I have shared a couple of your videos with her and she acknowledge about 50%. Tomorrow is her bday and last night we had alone time in our pool in the dark. She cried and said this is why I take ambien and alcohol, bc I don't want to deal with stuff in my head. I tried to console her, and said i will never give up on you and I think you need to deal with these issues instead of masking them. It won't resolve if you keep pushing under rug. It's 2x difficult in my opinion, bc I have PTS from military for 16yrs. I want her to face her demons but I know I can't make her. It tears me apart inside bc children are my priority and I see her childhood was not what it could have been, but like you said, quit dwelling in past and deal with present. It's so hard to watch the one you love wrestling with turmoil. I love her so much. Idk what I'm expecting for you to say in response?? I don't expect much of anything anymore. Sincerely, heartbroke.

How do others know when i always behave happily and extraverted ?

This is best so far 💖

Could have used this video last Sunday. xD lol This is very useful for me, thank you!

Hi! I have yet to write a letter, even though I intend to, but I had just watched one of your videos and you mentioned you have a kid. My question is, how are they? I know you've been doing this for years and you're constantly growing/learning.. but what are some little, and some big things you've had to adjust along the way?

Hello, you're content is so helpful l

The video I needed ❤️🥰

I ve been through this so many times.

This is so real! 💯 💯 💯

What non verbal signals?

Why do I switch different words when typing sometimes? Is it adhd? The last word absolutely made me terrified it happened during exam I legit dont remember typing it. Please someone reply

I move felt a heaviness for years….comes & goes…..like a weighted blanket over me

The predators know who you are. Be careful.

Thank you!

I'm blaming you for my PTSD! Why couldn't you have been my Mama!😂 Will you be my Mama now?😅 (Kidding.....mostly)

Oh, the irony of being an event planner who cannot plan their own birthday parties because of trauma...

So what im just damned to suffer then?

I Was Constantly Pre-Judged & Hated Attacked By Evil ......Learn More At JT Quicks RU-vid 💕

Well, almost whole planet feels less than. Except for few enlightened or high vibrational individuals- all other people are insecure to a certain degree, and people around them can always see it. So nothing extra here, just the way we function. One day maybe we will also be one of those individuals. but most of us wont.

What do I do? I drink.

Unfortunately i think its the side effects of my medicine. Its just not my type treatment

is this true?

i’m thinking about buying your book or taking one of your course (i can only afford one) what do you recommend? I need to heal so bad but I don’t know it it’s a cptsd thing or not (I have chosen my college degree that was based on my family’s preference and now i’m hating every day of it (i don’t know whether the family will bail me out of the career path or not until i graduate which is about 2 years from now 😭😭😭 I’m isolating, don’t have any closed friends & i don’t feel like studying at all although the exam is imminent. Please I need to heal

Christine Albright "Brilliant Vidio"❤!... "Thank You"💕!... "+"!..."🙏"!...

❤

💯

The Brits are so obsessed with the double "L". dialling, signalling, channelling, funnelling, travelling, labelling, etc,etc.

Usually you’re a good source of advice but today not the case and I’m sorry to point that out but Precisely here is where we can notice that you are not a professional mean not a mental health professional nor a modern neurodiversity paradigm advocate. Fortunately you are only maladvising About one single issue which is the un attentive part for some some folks. Your advice may be fine for a Neurotypical has been a victim of it from short time but not a common trade. Distractibility is only one symptoom for a lot of mental health disorders and conditions, not all of them from birth but a big part of population presenting it can’t just ‘buckle it up’, trauma based for xample, like cptsd may need some reestructuration from the core values and solve safety issues and deep inside work being the adhd like symptoms just a part of it, talking about adhd/add not a great advice, as soon the person discovers your lesson not workiing what do you thing he or she may be feeling? Worthlessness for instance, please be more careful with the big power you have with the big audience here. Mind that is a great responsibility and you mist prepare your self after talking lightly about heavy stuff. Thank you any way for all the work youve been doing for this years.🙂

First😮

Especially to women. 🙄

❣️