You've Been Lied To: The Real Reason Most Relationships Fail 

So do you think your current relationship is your everything? Also, can you imagine an old you not having a romantic partner and still be happy? Any thoughts on this will help lots of other people! :D

If you take a step back, it's astonishing how much our culture revolves around romance.

You can obviously be happy by being single. It's being *ALONE* that leads to depression. Theres other ways to fulfill that need besides a romantic relationship, it's just the most practical given our societal structure.

Don't take your relationships for granted! They take work from both parties to last.

And a relationship ending doesn't mean it didn't work! Maybe it did exactly what it was supposed to for the person you were at the time. Relationships don't have to last forever to be a success x

My relationship with this channel can never go bad... right?

Often I feel it comes down to the fact that relationships stagnate. If you take it for granted, rather than having gratitude, then it won't last

Hands up if you're still single

We just need to be independent from our partners, we can't glue to them and make our world all about them

Yes! I've been single all my life and craved a relationship until I got older and realized how much I had to mature before getting invested in someone. I'm happily single now and I feel complete and if someone ever comes along I'll also be happy and I feel like I'm actually ready now since I learned to love myself

I'm currently in the most honest, healthy and longest relationship i've ever been. Since the very beginning we talked about what we liked, what we disliked, even past relationships (band and good ones). Even about jealousy, the only time we both felt the slightest threatened, we talked about it and worked it out and it never happened again, we are both confident on our own value and the effort put in our relationship. IT'S ALL ABOUT BEING HONEST.

This is a brilliant observation. Bless up.

Me being in a healthy relationship is a great ADDITION to my life. If it falls apart I have many other things in my life that are special and important. The only thing I leaned on my relationship for ( at least initially) was the fact that I had no friends just before it started and I missed companionship. Then I got a new job and finally made some work friends which I'm very happy to have in my life. But you are right. I've always said to people you need to love yourself before you get into relationship otherwise you'll bring your own issues into the fray and it could potentially mess things up. You don't have to be perfect but as long as you're working towards a happy medium you should be fine :)

1.self reflect 2. Be honest with yourself and your partner. 3.learn self love ❤️❤️❤️

I just kinda noticed this, and although I feel like I've always known this inherently, I just want to point out that I feel that the continuity of the talking and filming of the videos on CoC really gives them a sense of authenticity and realness. In the age where most youtubers can't speak a sentence without cutting it 4 times, it's really refreshing to have Charlie talk to you unbroken for 15 minutes straight. It's kinda like you're getting advice from a good buddy over beers. Always loved the content on this channel, but really coming to a place of appreciation for the delivery as of late.

Y’all’s relationships go bad because you went into them with no real intention of staying forever. Simple as that. Y’all stay until the fuzzy feeling wears off then you’re like ‘I fell out of love oh no how did this happen it used to be different’ and it’s onto the next one.

Reason why I feel like people should not be in a relationship if they have so much they have to fix/deal with. Too many people look at a partner like the solution to everything, which is never actually the case!

Man, you need to write a book, and call it charisma on command

Thank you! This literally came JUST IN TIME

So F*cking true! I use to be under the illusion that I NEEDED someone in my life to make it better. But after a while I realized the only real person I needed was myself and that the only person that could better my life was myself.

This was my outlook exactly. I found someone I was ready to be married to, and felt miserable that things weren't moving fast enough for my liking. I had to let go of the idea that I needed this person for my peace and happiness. We've now been married for 6 months, and I've never felt more balanced. My expectations are different, and if they aren't met, my reactions are not as escalated.

Very nice video Charlie! How I got it, this was not only about relationships, but about not being too attached to things, people and images, packaged in something everyone can understand! Brilliant!

This is so good. I always appreciate your perspective especially on stuff like relationships. This channel has been super helpful! It inspired me to vlog daily this month! Would love to hear more about non Romantic relationships.

I love this channel. Gives some real life honest advice.

I love your advice about being honest! I am seeing a lot of my friends relationships fall apart because they were not honest with their partner in regards to what they needed and wanted from a relationship. They were also not honest with themselves with what they needed and they tried to compromise with things they should not have.

I've been a single virgin for 26 years now.... And I'm doing just fine! 😄 great video!

As a person with anxiety disorder I sometimes really don't know what would I do without my fiance because he is helping me a lot and he is my best friend. But also I'm working on my mental health and I don't rely on him. I think the key to good relationship is : honesty, respect, also when you are in quarreling which happens sometimes, don't hurt the person on purpose, treat them with respect even in that situation..

It doesn't matter if brutal honesty makes you "queasy", vomiting in your mouth a little is much better than living a lie. I told my then fiancée now wife straight up things I didn't like her doing. She didn't like hearing them, but over a few weeks she adjusted her behavior. She did the same with me. Speaking 100% about your thoughts and feelings are the key.

Relationships shouldn't complete you but I think they play a massive role in making you a better person and leading you to more happiness within yourself - by revealing your areas of weakness, areas where you may have been overly dependent and so on x

Excessive Romanticism can be lethal. Did we learn nothing Romeo and Juliet?? Haha but seriously on point again Charlie! Love your work!

My girlfriend and I broke up a week ago. I think summer is the season for breakups

Being in a healthy relationship of two years, I disagree with this video. Certain people enter and stay in relationships for the wrong reasons, while others are seeking long term friendship and companionship. At first a relationship can seem constricting and overwhelming- we can say dramatic bold statements, and rely heavily on our partner- sure. Both my boyfriend and I met at a very difficult time in our lives, where we did in fact need someone to lean on and keep us going. This is the reason we are still together. We have since grown past that stage of our lives, and we continue to rely on one another for somebody to talk to, laugh with and experience with. We have grown not just as a couple, but as individuals as well and are always working on bettering ourselves. We are best friends. We enjoy each others presence in our lives. We communicate and always resolve problems that arise. We help each other out in times of turmoil and share excitement in progress. We are teammates. We do not match 100%, and share different hobbies and perspectives. Unanimously, we are reaching for the same end goal and would prefer to do it together. Some people prefer to focus on themselves solely and believe success and happiness comes from within. These people are so committed to making sure that all of their needs and dreams are met- that they forget the part of life that can be enhanced by letting others in. This works for some. Completely focusing on our own little universe in my experience, leaves us empty and unfulfilled. You can live a successful and meaningful life with a partner, it is possible to have both. Relationships fail because of too much pressure to find exactly what we need, not embracing flaws, two people unwilling to put in the work, or our personality is focused too much on self... It takes two to tango, and nothing will feel forced if it is truly meant to be. Finding the right person will make all these concerns simply fall away.

“Apple was the biggest; not sure if it’s the biggest today...” I assume you shot this video before the milestone headlines were printed

You are 100% spot on. I'm 36 and have been through pretty much the best and the worst there is to experience in relationships (not exaggerating, I mean that and wish I didn't for the latter). I've learned these things sometimes the easy, sometimes the hard way. But you're totally right. Thank you so much for using your position to spread such positive and important knowledge, man. Mad props to you! ;-)

This helped me get some immensely valuable perspective into myself, thank you. My current girlfriend seems to have this figured out in some way. She doesn’t connect with me that much, we don’t talk nearly at all unless we run into each other in person. I’ve always been a rather anxious and attached type, and I enjoy being very involved in my relationships. But she’s quite contrary to this. It’s as if she is very secure in herself and sees me as secure in the same way, so we have fun when we’re around each other but otherwise we connect next to none. I did discuss it with her, but all she told me was that my anxiety probably stemmed from a bigger problem within myself. I don’t think she could be more correct. It’s very peculiar, but it’s taught me I need to be more self-reliant, and videos like these are helping me realize that. Even if she does break up with me at some point, I’m getting closer and closer to coming to terms with myself and the value of my life apart from her. Thank you Charisma On Command, you are some excellently wise people.

I love how I was able to recognize the steps I took in my own life that made me relate to this video so much to the point where I thought “oh, that’s exactly what I believe”. When I was around 17 years old I had this certainty that my relationship at the time was going to last forever and it was DEVASTATING (to the point of depression) when reality hit me in the face and proved me wrong. I did a lot of self-reflection then and realized the problem was my expectation, and the fact that I loved the person (and the idea) more than myself. So I focused on myself, on growing, on learning who I was so then I could enjoy whoever that was. Now I’m 24 and only now I’m in another relationship, but - although I do hope it will have a long run - I don’t lean on ANY expectations of forever. Forever doesn’t exist. And I’m extremely happy, I love him like crazy, but it’s healthy now cause he’s not my ANSWER. He’s just my partner for the ride. Amazing.

Dude you're freakin awesome "Of you dont have happiness inside you dont have happiness to give"

Incompatible values, belief the other is there to make their dreams come true at the expense of their own, no idea or interest in managing money to ensure a secure future, belief that 'love' is unconditional, let's see...

The thing I hated the most on relationships is when the other person would tell me that I was their everything. Like, one person shouldn’t be everything you need, that’s such a huge burden to dump on someone

I never thought that my current relationship is my everything, but recently my husband noticed that we've started to drift apart from each other. So yeah... It is crucial to talk your way through everything and be honest. The line between being to close and drifting apart is not big and bulky and you might just trip over it. And loving yourself is a foundation to respect and love for anybody else.

I disagree that today’s society puts importance on relationships. No one wants the responsibilities of having a relationship nowadays. Society has moved away from having labels thus muddying what defines being a couple. No one is willing to work at it because they feel it’s not “worth it”.

Thank you so much for this video, it was amazing! The last year I am on similar path of self-love and learning how to feel complete by on my own.

Relationship Gang????

I have been preaching this since my breakup! Good job! Also worth noting, any resentment or victimization you bring upon yourself after the fact will only drive you further away from self love and empathy towards other. Self love breeds empathy because your gas tank is already full from you taking control of filling it, you have plenty to go around. Lastly that’s what creates truly magnetic people. People love feeling wanted and engaged, and when you do that, WITHOUT expecting anything in return, you will be amazed at how people respond. If you are a dude suffering from ANY resentment or victim mentality I highly recommend you read or listen to “no more Mr. Nice Guy”. Changed my life. Peace, and thanks Charlie.

Why am I watching this if I'm hopelessly single?

I really appreciated this. It made me realize that we have a lot of undoing to do from being inundated by such intense scripts of what romance _needs_ to be. This was very powerful!

Great video as always Charlie! But where is Ben? I remember Ben was doing videos every week so we had 2 videos per week. I feel like the reason why he stopped doing videos is because of criticism from this community, and if that’s actually the case please tell Ben that he is a great content maker as well! Don’t make people stop Ben from what he wants to do:) (if he actually wanted to make videos on Charisma)

Apple says 'it just works' Video Says: "It just works" ... Bethesda has entered the chat

Ohhhh! I needed this, I am so happy you did this video, Charlie. Literally, yesterday morning I did a thorough search on RU-vid for "Why do relationships end badly", and I am glad none of the videos I saw gave me a satisfactory answer, cuz what you've said here... You've basically provided an anchor for my mind. It's like you have given me permission to be happy on my own, to fill my life and live it! I feel so blessed. Thank you!

9:42 “Look to your own relationships...” Haha! My relationships. That’s a good one!

Today I have turn 29 and you are right I don`t need anybody to complete me, I am away from my family and feeling lonely and, although this maybe not be the exact point of the video, it helps me to realice that I love them and maybe I used to lean to much on them and now I am starting to see that I am the full cake, even if I have more than the half of the cake in the fridge and nobody to eat, it I will be ok I have me

If you think the person is everything to you Be ready to get punched so bad....It'd hurt you terribly. Matter of time Principle: Love yourself first, be a grounded person.

This was a great analysis! I kind of miss the silent background, tbh

I really appreciate your message here. I'm a middle-aged woman and have come to the same conclusion as you. We have been conditioned to seek fulfillment in a relationship - in "another flawed human being" - rather than to seek fulfillment in ourselves and our own life first.

Didn't Apple just become the first Trillion Dollar company?

The main thing is that you mustn't expect receiving something from a person. You must give, and not expect something in return. If two people give to each other, both of them will get profit from it

Mine is great! We started off with RESPECT and everything else stemmed from that

Its the false idea that its someone else's job to make you happy, rather than desiring to share your happiness with another.

Title and thumbnail say why relationships go bad while this guy’s smiling in the thumbnail like he’s Mr. Steal yo Girl that makes all these relationships go bad lmfao

Conclusion: Travel is just a marketing business and it is true, you don't need to travel and spend your money being miserable, because in the most likely hood you are not going to be smarter by traveling anyways 😁

Thank you for all of your vids man. Been watching a ton of them lately and they're all super helpful, really make me think!

*first leaned mostly on relationship* *second leaned mostly on friendship* WELP BOTH SINKING

10:04 I literally say this to my cat on the daily. 😕

when you feel deep appreciation towards god( the one who created you, and everything in your life) it's so amazing! try to focus on how much you and god really love each other, and feel that love in your heart. then, let that love expand and get bigger and stronger and bigger and stronger until it's bigger than your body and now you are swimming in an ocean of love! visualize this ocean of love is a very light pink with gold sparkles. unconditional love towards god is one of the best feelings you can experience! know that god loves you so much more than you ever imagined! now, how does that make you feel? now, that you see what that feels like, love god even more! 100 time stronger than before! the more love you share with god, the more love god will share with you.

I really needed this today. I get super jealous, because I see other girls as competition, because I don't feel good enough

I love you man. You have helped change my life and perspective so drastically in the healthiest way. Your knowledge is irreplaceable.

I need this right now. He left me this morning. 😫😩😡

Amazing stuff bro 👌🏽🙏🏼

Damn that was thought provoking

Our relationship is not perfect nor am I. We fought, said some really bad things to each other but we always found a way to make up and go on because we really love each other. She was my girlfriend for 4 years. I had to be away to study abroad and it's hard. It's hard to be in a long distance relationship. But we're doing fine as far as I know. We're talking everyday, video calling, sending pictures of pretty much everything. Then yesterday she cheated on me, I found out right away because she's not good at lying and she admitted that she met someone that night. She's been talking to this Japanese guy and I had no idea. Then yesterday the guy flew to Manila and they met. I never thought that she could do such thing. She is the most faithful woman I knew, my friends are always telling me to keep an eye on her and to watch out cus she might cheat on me cus she is quite pretty but I'm so confident and I trusted her so much that she will not do that. But I was wrong, I am in pain right now. So much pain. I can't tell anybody, I have no one to talk to I have no one. All I had is her.

When you say “I love you but you’re literally a demon in a skirt” it shows you found the one

Amazing video, great takeaways. Still believe that having a lifelong partner is realistic but only with your advice in regards to self-love and being complete without a partner to then come together and complete each other.

My relationship is going great so far. She and I love eachother very much. We’ve been together for 14 years so far. We live in the same home. There’s this other guy though.. he lives in the same house as us. He joined in, and loves the girl very much, and in time, I learned love him nearly as much as the girl. I love my parents..

Your partner isn’t supposed to make you happy, you have to be happy by yourself so you can share your own happiness with your partner and your partner will do the same. I have read a lot of things like “my mood depends on you”, and that’s not how it should be, you gotta be happy alone, because if you need someone else for that, then when they leave you will be miserable and empty, love yourself more, guys, because at the end, the only person that we can truly trust to be by our side forever, it’s ourselves, so we must start loving that company!

Great video for people who are dating. Having that mindset definitely improves your chances of having a long lasting relationship. But when you have kids and get married, EVERYTHING changes. At least if you take it seriously. Because when you have a child, your happiness and needs no longer revolve around you.

damn, this vid really put the piece together for me. i get it. i dont really have a practical desire for a relationship, ive just bought into the idea, at least a little, that im incomplete without one. fuck it. ill live my live alone and be fine, perhaps happily surprised by transient companions. i dont want to constantly be unhappy by making my lonliness wantonly miserable, getting delusionally hopes high for inevitably flawed humans, and forgetting that everything is only temporary.

Charlie dropping truth bombs

Spoiler ahead: Because you are expecting too much from the relationship.

Self love: Start with Jesus

How to like a video more than once 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Apple is the first company in history to be worth 1 Trillion doll-hairs. Just last week this happened...

Good relationships usually turn bad because people loose site of what matters. Serving the person first and putting their needs over their own. In the beginning it is selfless and near the end the ego takes over which is "edging God out".

Your channel is really are one in a million. Thank you so much for all this great advice. Thank you for your channel. Thank you for simply existing.

I expect a relationship to make me happier than i am without it. Not perfectly happy, but happier. And i seek it because i want to be as happy as possible. Even if it's just a small improvement, any improvement is worthwhile to me

I love your content but this video is terrible. Experience is a bad tool for setting expectations, and the Macbook example disproves your point. Your brother's Macbook is obviously a rare case, I don't think all Macbooks brake like that after 2 years, and yet you used that as a reason not to buy a Macbook, as if the same thing is going to happen with every Macbook. You proved experience is not useful, it is too limited to use it to set expectations. In the context of relationships, your experience can be great or terrible, but it shouldn't necessarily set expectations, just like a bad partner is not an example for all relationships, and a good partner isn't one either. experience is limited. Statistics are even worse. Statistics are a tool for building a strategy, not for setting a goal. just because only 5% of people achieve something does not mean you shouldn't strive for it. Just because most people get a divorce, does that mean one shouldn't try marriage? if most people fail or succeed in something does that mean I should just follow the statistic and do the same? No. You are not a statistic. You USE statistics when you already have a goal, and they can help you find an optimal path to achieving a goal. And what was the main point? to set expectations? Good advice. but is that why good relationships turn bad? not necessarily. I am not even sure its the main reason, there are so many factors in play and every relationship is different. To anyone who watched this video and read this comment, set expectations, choose what you want out of life, but don't base it on statistics, and don't set expectations based on experience. set goals based on what makes you fulfilled, and base expectations on what you want out of a given situation, not on what is most likely to happen, and tailor it according to your vision.

This guy is like a father I don’t have

Find value first and foremost in yourself. Good video!

I guess its my fault the relationship is boring then... Guess I should've had worked on myself first, although I don't think I can get out of it

How come I didn't discovered your channel earlier? Did I live under a rock? Thank you for creating such inspiring and intelligent content 👍 Much appreciation from Germany

You should do a vid about how Aubrey Plaza uses her brand of awkward dry humor to make people laugh

So I think you hit the nail on the head in identifying that a key component to a healthy relationship revolves around establishing self-love and furthermore individual identity and wholeness. However, I don't think that desiring a relationship is at fault for the lack of a good one. Relationships like all areas of our lives take daily work, commitment, and growth and I think advertising/movies/etc. is more marketing the idea of the happiness you gain from achieving an optimal level of companionship more so than the requirement that you need another individual to make you happy; although I do think the media plays a significant role in promoting the concept inadvertently. Overal I think there isn't anything wrong with looking for love to add happiness, I think it just goes back to your mindset as you spoke about and understanding the difference between looking to your partner to be your happiness rather than a source to share or grow your happiness with.

Apple sucks

I have to say I (I feel unlike many others) actually enjoyed the editing :D Just wanted to throw this opinion here too, just in case enough ppl agree with me :D

You do not have a other half. It is Hollywood bull

Wonderful video! Despite never being in a romantic relationship, I, too, have come to the same conclusion you have.

I’ve looking for the sensor for a long time..🤨

I think certain personality types need a spouse while others can be fine with or without one.

I am on day 401 Nofap.

14 minutes... Well Spent!

Everyone is a liar , its all bull