I loved this conversation!! Please include more of these topics in the future, Lila! As a mom of a toddler and infant, these kinds of conversations and insights are sorely needed!
The first 17 minutes is my life in a nutshell. So difficult to walk through. You don't feel seen or heard emotionally and the patterns are so repetitive. It's a lonely place. Working through it with a partner is so, so draining. So much work.
I read a book about attachment theory a while back (I think it was called "Attached") and at the time I thought it all made sense but now I've come to see things in a different light. I honestly believe the problem is not a lack of attachment between people, its not about becoming Securely attached and overcoming insecure or avoidant attachment styles. I think solution to the problem does not lie in another human being, I think this is the problem. I think the solution is to Detach from people, from so called "Created things" as the saints and church fathers put it, and attach ourselves to God. Attachment is suffering.........this is the truth, but the way to avoid this is to not attach our hearts to people or things of this world, keep our hearts free for God to occupy. Its only then can you truly love your neighbour. Attachment is transactional, you give to me and I will give to you. But if you dont give to me........then we're gonna have trouble. People literally kill themselves over attachment or the loss of it, people allow themselves to become miserable over a relationship and its completely unnecessary. You can love people without being attached to them, and this is done by attaching to God alone, everything and everyone in your life is downstream from this. If you do it the other way around, attaching to people, and regulating God to 2nd place.......this will bring suffering to your life.
If you idolize a relationship over God, then that isn't a secure relationship. To "detach from people" as the solution is creating a false dichotomy and also sounds vaguely Buddhist.
@@eoinMB3949Could you please explain what you mean by 'Mystic'? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it okay to follow the teachings of these saints? And why are they called saints?
Certainly interesting info! Would you consider doing an episode focused only on attachment styles more deeply and maybe centered just on the person on how it affects different aspects of life, outside of romantic relationships? And hopefully some tips on how/what to work on 🌚🙏
Thank you so much both of you for this meaningful discussion that touched on so many relationship issues in an easily understandable way. Sending love and God's richest blessings from Johannesburg, South Africa ❤❤
For women...it is a release of oxytocin, It is how they attach to partners. When they are promiscuous it messes it all up and confuses them out of pair bonding. The emotion is just how the woman FEELS about the biology taking place.
Men do not seem to emotionally attach to sexual partners. Is fornication less detrimental for men? There are exceptions of women who can "f*ck and chuck"
The exception doesn't make the rule for women. General a woman who sleeps around is less likely to maintain a relationship long-term. The amount of sexual partners a man needs in order to achieve the same result is considerably higher than most men will ever achieve in their lifetime@@IONov990
If one person decides they want to go to therapy in the other doesn't they might as well just separate. Women won't tolerate a man who doesn't go to therapy when she has decided it's necessary
Ok, but your feelings are also a way to represent the world. Your feelings are what make you take some action, but your feelings by themselves don't tell anything what kind of actions you should do. Your feelings only push you in a given direction. Your reason is responsible for deciding what to do. But before deciding to do stg, first you should have the motivation given by your feelings.
@@antoniopioavallone1137 but they are. Pay attention to your own actions. You only do stg because first you feel stg. The pure logic can not give you reason to do anything. If I showed you a man sexually assaulting a child, even if you knew by the reason that his actions are wrong, you wouldn't do anything to stop him if you felt nothing about it. You may feel nothing for the kid, but if you feared the social repercussions against you because you did nothing to prevent the crime, you would do stg, you would run away or whatver. Our feelings make us move, but the content of our actions should be given by the reason.
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua the pure logic is not enough to make someone care about anything. Just like the politicians, they know that corruption is wrong. But knowing it is wrong doesn't prevent them to be corrupt. Our feelings are also a way to represent the world. Our feelings are the qualitative representations of the world, whilist the logic and the empirical evidence are the raw aspect and the quantitative aspect of it.
“Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” Colossians 3:8
Lila, love your content, you may want to be mindful of your head posture. I noticed you like to tend to tilt it and I thought it might help to mention as I noticed i was distracted by your head movement and not listening to your words at times specifically toward the closing portions. I appreciate your work, keep it up!
God made us with emotions, and they inform our behavior. Our will regulates what we do with our emotions, but emotions are not trivial as you seem to suggest. They are integral to our humanity. Respectfully, I don’t think you’re understanding the whole point of this discussion.
@@EllenJohn4I think plenty of people think emotions are trivial because they are fleeting and secondary to reason and truth. Lack of emotional self control is a sign of immaturity. Facing your fears, controlling your impulses and presenting a logical point during an argument is favored rather than "shutting down", taking things personally, and tearing up. It sucks that some people start crying during an argument.
