True! Also, it doesn't help that the other ladies enable her behavior and are automatically blaming Cole. The guy that married the heavy set lady is just as bad with his judgement and persecutions of Cole, just because his wife is mad at Cole.
That was the biggest tip off for me. When she couldn't admit that maybe her harsh critiques were harmful to him and simply would not discuss any of her own behavior.
I was so saddened by how she would cut him down , constantly and in an emotionally abusive way . Her behavior was immature and cruel . I actually googled… “Is Zanab a narcissist ?” …. In which I found this you tube video . I’m relieved that others could see through her appalling behavior
I was shocked how she treated Cole at the alter and then her friends clapped for her. Nothing wrong with not wanting to marry him but she was cold, calculated and cutting. I was disgusted!
She's wishy washy and this type of toxicity drives you crazy! Why? It confuses the crap out of you! It keeps you guessing and holding on to false promises. I hope Cole realizes he was being manipulated the entire time. She is sick.
It’s hard to point out why I dislike her more than Cole when Cole said things that I find to be subjectively worse and more hurtful. I think it boils down to the walking on eggshells feeling. When someone says something hurtful, you can tell them how you felt and why it hurt you. When someone has negative reactions to things you do constantly, you can’t do anything but hope you’re doing good enough, but it’s never good enough and it’s a lot harder to deal with than a simple conversation.
I love that your using HG Tudor’s work! He is so accurate and has opened my eyes to why behaviors are done towards other ppl. Control is the name of the game for narcissists. Great work!!!
Wow! Didnt realize how much of a nightmare she was.... but when you put it like this, it's what it's like being around a narc. Do they know how insufferable they are? 😅
I searched Zanab narcissist because i was thinking I can't be the only one who sees that she's a narcissist especially after the reveal of the season where everyone on the show with the exception of Bartise seemed to be either indifferent or in support of her behavior and actions. I was disgusted by her behavior throughout the show. Im glad other people saw her toxic behavior and felt bad for Cole. He was broken at the end of the show.
Love the videos. Would you have insight as to how tragedy at a young age might have shaped her into a narcissist? Like, did it maybe become “I’m not broken, I’m beautiful. Any void will be filled with a man that wants this.” She clearly uses tragedy to rope ppl in & wants ppl to feel sorry for her. Her altar speech was definitely rehearsed, & adding a moment of silence for her parents felt like they became props, & it was a detail added to gain extra sympathy. Now in her 30s, i wonder if very few ppl would go to such lengths to recognize their deceased parents at a wedding, who have been out of her life for years. My wife’s dad had been dead 12 years when we married, & he wasn’t on her mind. Granted, they had a different relationship. But it just made me wonder if Zanab’s prayer & empty chairs were more out of the ordinary than we think. Obviously a prayer before public shaming seems gross & unheard of
Check out HG Tudor’s videos. It could be a genetic component with a childhood that results in a lack of control, in their environment. Losing 2 parents at a very young age could have definitely been the trigger for the genetic component of narcissism to then kick in.
As @kindofkosher says, you need a genetic component plus a lack of control childhood to become a narcissist. I think Zanab's father died when she was 13, and her mother died when she was 18. She was too old for this to turn her into a narcissist, so the lack of control environment must have existed before then. Her parents breaking up when she was young (and possibly fighting before that) may have contributed to it. Most narcissists have one or more parents that are a narcissist. Good point with the chairs. It's difficult to say for sure because we don't know if it was a suggestion from Zanab or from the producers. But if it was her idea, I agree. And certainly with the prayer.
@@thenarcissistwatcher well said. The divorce could definitely trigger the genetic component. It was wild to watch this all play out bcs I had the same thoughts about her behavior. Even when she was in the pods.. She was playful and mirroring Cole. He was very sincere when he stated he wanted someone with depth and someone he could be playful with. She played that role for him while in the pods. But when he met her and spent time with her, she started to erode who he was with passive aggressive comments, tearing him down. He was so conflicted bcs this was not the girl he got to know in the pods. He even kept telling the guys, I don’t know who this person is…. Bcs she flipped as soon as he chose her… exact setup of what a narcissist does. Unfortunately, Cole confused pity with depth. She totally played up the ‘parents’ in the chair. Not that that was wrong, but we know, with all the other behaviors showing her clear Narcissism, she used it to gain ‘pity’ & sympathy, right before she was about to smear and discard Cole. . She has no idea how to have real compassion and grace. Cole was a little immature but he was genuine and sincere. He wanted playfulness but he got criticized constantly. You could see it started to wear him down. But he was also receptive to her criticism and we could see him trying to build and grow a life with her. Unfortunately- that is not possible with a narcissist. I sincerely hope that he recovers and learns about narcissism and I’m so glad he is free from her. I’m not sure what he is, but I think he is either a normal or an empath. He absolutely tried with her. Great breakdown and yes! Good catch on the chairs!
I've watched a lot of HG Tudor, and I like how you do your narration on this topic. It's easy on the ear 👍 I can't remember what HG Tudors perspective on underlying insecurity is within the narcissist but from personal experience with 2 intimate partners and a narcissistic mother and sister, and listening to so many perspectives of where the grandiose entitled behaviour comes from, I feel deeply that it is always masking insecurity. I don't think you can have a 'secure' narcissistic. The 2 don't marry because if you have true confidence and a fundamentally confident self, you don't behave and react in the ways that narcissists do. They may 'think' they are confident and secure but that's not what the subconscious mind believes, and that's what's running the show. Love your analysis on this show and how you break it down. It offers so many relatative dialogue with narcissists.
Great points. I think it all depends on how you define "insecure". All narcissists have what HG refers to as the Creature (aka the "true self") lurking beneath the surface, and they need constant validation in the form of fuel to keep it imprisoned by the Construct (aka the "false self"). So yes, from this perspective, you could certainly argue that narcissists are deeply insecure (versus a non-narcissist who can have genuine self-worth without needing other people's validation). But a narcissist isn't insecure in the way that we would typically think of it. They don't sit around second-guessing themselves and wondering if they're good enough. That would stop them from getting fuel and control efficiently. If they appear to be doing this, it's just a manipulation to get sympathy (and thus control and fuel) from you. A narcissist's endless entitlement and lack of accountability shows that they aren't genuinely introspective and insecure in the way that a non-narcissist can be.
@@thenarcissistwatcher ah, I get you. That's really interesting. I felt there was 'conscious' insecurity with a lot of narcissists, as the people I've had the pleasure of dealing with (sarcasm lol) are motivated by obvious shame, and from what I've personally seen in their really self conscious body language and and reactions that their directed from fear and to protecting their ego but there's an obvious fragility with them, really obvious. Guess like you said before, there's aware narcs and unaware narcs. Fascinating subject 👍 just not fascinating to deal with, haha. Keep up the good works Love your style and the in depth relatable examples 😀
Thank you for this. Victims of NPD saw this immediately and went through a lot of pain seeing her behavior play out. The dead stare haunts me and it’s tell tale
Damnnnnnn, I think I have narcissistic tendencies and I’ve always thought my mum is one tbh. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree even though I vowed to myself I wouldn’t become like her 😞
I think we all have narcissistic tendencies. The difference is that being aware of them and checking them, means you are NOT a narcissist. A narcissist would simply not care and project everything on everyone else.
Yep, I was watching this thinking I might be a narcissist. I've been in therapy for five years to deal with the trauma my ex husband put me through, but I'm realizing I have some of these behaviors towards my new partner. 🫤
Thank god for Cole that she said "No". I saw the narc in her early on. He's a good human. He deserves the best woman. Not a control freak with manipulative narratives. I have a friend that would be his perfect match.
6:40 I disagree here. There is a phenomenon known as the "narcissistic wound." Many narcissists swing wildly between grandiosity and extreme self-deprecation. It's not necessarily a put on in either direction. They're not acting, at least not all the time. People are complex and complicated. Paranoia also accompanies the other traits. So, swinging from, "I'm the best person in the world" to "I'm a piece of shit and everyone hates me" is pretty common.
She was awful. And the marriage was beyond. She wanted revenge, that is for sure. She was not nice. I lost respect for Alexa and Brennan after the reunion. The smug judgemental attitude. Don't like them anymore. Zynab will make another man unhappy. You dodged a bullet there Cole. Not saying you weren't stupid for talking to Colleen. She was at the wedding to shame you. But she made a fool of herself, no one else.
Poor Cole! He wasn’t perfect but no one is and he didn’t deserve that treatment from her. Hope she gets awareness from playing this show back and seeing herself.
I don't think the term Narcissist is 100% accurate when it comes to Zanab. She really is deeply insecure, you feel this throughout the season. Her self compliments are a defence mechanism. She requires constant validation to simply function and her emotions shift rapidly. I believe Zanab leans much more heavily on the side of Histrionic Personality Disorder. Yes, it is a similar Cluster B personality disorder but with unique distinctions. Having close personal experience with a textbook narcissist, I can tell you it is very distinct feeling. Zanab doesn't quite hit all the marks. You mention delusions of grandeur but this is not exhibited, for example, Zanab never implies she is implicitly better than the other girls whereas a narcissist would constantly insinuate such. Narcissists are also status-obsessed and lie/exaggerate their experience, skills and values which Zanab does not appear to demonstrate.
Narcs are extremely insecure! That’s their core. I don’t know if she is one but her insecurities is , if anything, supporting the narcissist theory. She’s very mean to be honest, she is not innocent
@@samiam5434 You are correct. I know they are deeply insecure, but if you listen to the video the creator seems to think that is not the case. So I was just pointing out that she is indeed very insecure. I still believe she leans more histrionic vs. narcissistic.
@@Nat-hu4gq Ok agree with possible Borderline but she is anything but independent. And I don't think she is afraid of attachment as much as she fears rejection. Partly due to her lack of self-esteem and partly because of her deeply seeded abandonment issues.
@@choochd I imagine she portrays herself as very independent as the surface level. I think she is afraid of attachment because she is afraid of rejection. However she craves emotional closeness because it is a human need. Abandonment issues are key in borderline so I thought borderline. Perhaps Zanab is imaging rejection, it is common with bpd
i dont agree with this.. i mean i get that cole didnt mean what he would say.. and she took things the wrong way at times... But he makes her feel like shit.. never say oh that other girl is way better looking then you.. no wonder she felt like shit
My focus in this series is pointing out the narcissistic red flags that Zanab displays. This is because she's a clear and prominent example. I agree with you that Cole displays bad behavior, as I point out in some of the videos. However, analysing his behavior or doing a "who's in the right?" type of analysis would dilute from the topic of the series.
She has asbergers. Has experienced bullying and is over compensating for her wounded sense of self. She def needs a therapist. But npd vs aspd while presenting the same, the motivation is different
ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ZevwWvLkkhU.html in this interview Cole gives so many examples of Zanab being a narcissist unintentionally
She was wrong she played with him almost like she was punishing him like he was a bad boy and good thing he has the love of God to give him strength my opinion he's a beautiful soul
Nancy?... She didn't force him to do anything he lied to her and made her think he actually wanted to be with her and would be more attentive. Did you not watch the show?!
I disagree i dont see narcissist at all. She is very open with her insecurities, she has extreme trauma, but is extremely empathetic to a ooint that would discount narcissism. Even though she was harsh at the alter, she came from a place of real emotion and passion, it was not cold. It was very heated and she was really containing her emotions to her best ability to be consise and articulate. She showed so much empathy to everyone on the show. She was just too insecure to handle the bluntness of cole, who needed a lesson in self awareness which i think was her genuine intention. She was just very flawed in her approach. In terms of her never taking accountability, i dont think thats true. She did. She lacked awareness of her own faults very often but did not lack accountability. I also do not beleive she fed off of anyones emotions, baited or harvested anyones attention unwarrented. Ive watched the season 3 rimes lol and theres a lot wrong with her, but i find its mostly unhealed trauma related, not narcissism. I mean...i think thats a stretch. Lots of millenial women have this self empowerment thing, calling themselves cute, gassing ourselves up with compliments. Its to boost our own confidence, not to control other people. She was way way waaaaayyyy insecure in herself to be considered a narcissist, did not push and pull, was very consjstent and raw in expressing herself. Id say farthest thing drom narcissistic.
I'm also dead that everytime she compliments herself you call her grandiose lol. She's just gassing herself up!!!!! Gaaahhhhh. Not even getting into the POC complex she was going through the whole time...this woman is so much more complex than labeling her a narcissist.
Oh my gosh I keep watching and seeing totally misunderstood soundbites!!!!! AAAAAHHHH she is a traumatized woman and has clear trust abandonment issues which explain her "pity party" my God.......look at the whole picture!!! Micah and Irina were all spot on. This one is really bulldozing zanabs character and history as if she's like....zero dimensional!
how can you say it's fake insecurity????? both her parents DIED when she was YOUNG and she was raised by WHITE PEOPLE in a CONSERVATIVE ENVIRONMENT skjfoaskjfoiwflkshfo
oh my gooooddddddd.....who would not feel fucking hurt if their partner ignores them on their first morning???? He's a chiiiiiiiiiilllllddddddd. She's passive aggressive and doesn't have fair expectations of relationships but DAMN. HE WAS IGNORING HER. HOW IS THAT HER BEING A NARCISSIST?? She is reacting very understandablyyyyyyy. Yeah shes being petty with the passivity but i would be UPSET.
if anyyything, cole is more narcissistic than Zanab like 1000000%. He is so indifferent to her feelings and shows like very little emotional intelligence and makes fun of her constantly, talks over her.....hes infuriatingly immature. neither are narcs though.
