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The Constant Push/Pull of Their Affection Grinds You Down 

Crappy Childhood Fairy
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Healthy people run screaming from avoidant partners. But there’s something about neglect in childhood that primes you to fall harder for someone when they constantly pull you in and then push you away. At first see it, and it gives you pause. But if you stay with them, and you keep hoping that THIS time will be different, your thinking and perception will begin to distort, until you actually believe that THEY are the victim and YOU are causing them to emotionally hurt you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders how she can improve her relationship with an avoidant partner.
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18 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 143   
@elcuencodelafelicidad
@elcuencodelafelicidad 7 дней назад
I will never be able to find the right words that show how grateful I am to you. I found your channel around two years ago and it changed my life: suddenly many of the questions I have had my all life found an answer in your channel and besides that,I started feeling less alone while knowing there are many of us. You also showed me that healing is possible and how to do it. Thank you so much indeed.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this! I'm so happy to hear that the channel has been helpful. I'm sure this will make Anna's day :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@deansongs
@deansongs 6 дней назад
Love that comment! Gratitude is next to best and expressing it is the best
@anamarieph8597
@anamarieph8597 6 дней назад
​@@CrappyChildhoodFairyjust found your channel too. Too late for me though, done with all the bad **it, now I'm alone and healing.
@SurvivingOutHere
@SurvivingOutHere 7 дней назад
I'm severely avoidant and stayed away from dating for the last several years. But I met a really, really wonderful guy who had so many qualities I was looking for. I decided to take the risk and it's been 4 months. It still scares me but I fucking shaped up and continue to work on my issues because I don't want to hurt him or damage the relationship. My boyfriend has enough trauma for three whole humans but that has never stopped him from treating me with care and attention, constantly showing me that he cares and also being a kind person to people in general. My point is, if someone wants to change, they will. There will be no promises of change, there will be actions and commitment.
@stevealexander2649
@stevealexander2649 6 дней назад
great to hear that, and i believe avoidants want loving and belonging but find it scarey to trust and be themselves, you have proven its possible
@GabrielleP310
@GabrielleP310 14 часов назад
I believe that people don’t truly change, especially their behaviors. While they might change in other ways, such as their appearance or personality, their core behaviors often remain the same. Many people live in repetition compulsion. Their attachment styles are determined by caregivers who demonstrated abandonment or various forms of neglect. If you are catering to the other person’s attachment style, it is doomed. I think the ultimate goal for people in relationships is to reach secure love, communication, and attachment. This all takes a lot of constant work from both parties, including healing, self-awareness, real behavioral changes, and taking accountability and responsibility.
@akferren1
@akferren1 7 дней назад
If a man says I need a few days to think about having a relationship he’s a creep, run away!!!
@FaintAura
@FaintAura 7 дней назад
The avoidants always seem to know the right time to pull you back in after pushing you away. Repeat cycle over and over again.
@Analysis_Paralysis
@Analysis_Paralysis 7 дней назад
True. It's all about keeping you around for convenience.
@TheyCallMeBabo
@TheyCallMeBabo 7 дней назад
It takes two to tango - whatever you want to say about your ex partners, we don’t end up with anyone unless we are a vibrational match with them
@Analysis_Paralysis
@Analysis_Paralysis 7 дней назад
@@TheyCallMeBabo This is abuse apologia, the letter writer is clearly trauma-bonded as a result of the intermittent reinforcement she experienced in this relationship. Don't know who you're trying to attack in this crude way, but I don't have "ex-partners". I had only one relationship and he wasn't an avoidant.
@TheyCallMeBabo
@TheyCallMeBabo 7 дней назад
@@Analysis_Paralysis this is word salad & I'm not attacking anybody. If you've only had one ex partner and he wasn't an avoidant, how did you become an expert on 'avoidants'? (not a real word) I speak my experiential truth. We mirror each other or wouldn't end up together. If you want to stay/play a victim, that's okay too. We are all moving up the spiral.
@Analysis_Paralysis
@Analysis_Paralysis 7 дней назад
@@TheyCallMeBabo Wow, I feel truly sorry for you for feeling the need to be so aggressive and malicious to random strangers online. And I'm neither going to respond to your projections, nor explain to you the concept of educating oneself on relationship matters. It seems foreign to you. I follow Anna, of course, I'll be be educated in the patterns of people with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. If you'd project less and work more on your avoidant issues, you wouldn't be attacking random strangers online. Btw, every human being has an attachment style, not just your romantic partners. Stop acting like people experience matters that relate to human relationships only in romantic scenarios. And keep your toxic projections to yourself. Muted. Bye.
@youtubealiasoriginal
@youtubealiasoriginal 7 дней назад
I spent several years on a avoidant & they never change, such waste of time
@GabrielleP310
@GabrielleP310 14 часов назад
The thing is, avoidants don't just need time to process their emotions. They completely avoid their emotions. They use the time to distract themselves from feeling and processing their emotions (emotional bypassing), and that's why they will rarely initiate talking about the conflict after they take space. This is the coping mechanism they have learned and they don't know how to deal with their emotions or someone else's. Unless an avoidant is actively working on their avoidance, catering them is useless and soul sucking for YOU! Much❤️.
@Mysticalbooh
@Mysticalbooh 7 дней назад
Sexual intimacy is icing. Mutual commitment is the cake.
@stevealexander2649
@stevealexander2649 6 дней назад
what a great phrase and i believe its very true.
@Mysticalbooh
@Mysticalbooh 6 дней назад
@@stevealexander2649 Thank you. I believe it too.
@Boyhowdy875
@Boyhowdy875 7 дней назад
It was a blessed day when I learned that my emotionally abusive, cheating narc was never going to change and I plotted my escape. I had to wait till they went to work as to avoid dramatic screaming and a physical altercation. It was awesome, I didn't care about the things I left behind because I had my freedom and my whole life ahead of me. I knew that if I didn't leave I'd never have a moment of happiness ever again. I don't enjoy being lied to, cheated on and stolen from. I guarantee you, that doesn't happen anymore.
@stefaniezuccaro7114
@stefaniezuccaro7114 7 дней назад
Same for me after 26 years I'm finally free & it's been great for a year now!! Congratulations to you!
@user-vd4gy2sv2b
@user-vd4gy2sv2b 7 дней назад
It’s been said that you attract what you put out into the world. Neediness quickly pushes most people away, but it is also a lure for the avoidant to entrap you. Learning that we all have personal responsibility in our relationships is key. It can be a painful lesson to learn.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 дней назад
Thank you for sharing your insight with us. Nika@TeamFairy
@oOOoOphidian
@oOOoOphidian 7 дней назад
I love your genuine reactions to the bizarre things that dating partners say and the red flags that are super apparent to you but hard for people who write in to accept. Everyone needs a friend who can tell them that their partner is full of shit.
@halcyondays8945
@halcyondays8945 6 дней назад
Yes. It’s very helpful for us to have a model of what a healed, healthy secure response looks like!
@GabrielleP310
@GabrielleP310 14 часов назад
Real friends talk sense into you. Fake ones agree with your every move.
@Wendyiss
@Wendyiss 7 дней назад
it's insane the synchronicity of this video with the things I was struggling lately....
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@anamarieph8597
@anamarieph8597 6 дней назад
It all happened to me, several relationships, the same. Now I'm alone at 58
@LauradeVasconcelos
@LauradeVasconcelos 7 дней назад
10 years ago I was 10 months with an avoidant, thank God I left, it was horror, it's a trap!
@nevadatan7323
@nevadatan7323 3 дня назад
It can be a very lonely and frustrating place to be in when you're with an avoidant partner.
@confessionsofanavoidant
@confessionsofanavoidant 7 дней назад
Avoidance is on a spectrum, just like anxious attachment... of mild, moderate, severe. ...Everything in life really is a spectrum. Plenty of avoidant people, who aren't on the severe end of the spectrum, just like anxious people not on the severe end, have fulfilling relationships like any other evolving human being. The internet though is so skewed towards stereotyping avoidance towards this more severe trope of it, when not all avoidants are in a push/pull pattern. Just saying Also an "avoidant" who "pulls and pushes" probably has anxious patterns as well, but of course they will only be labeled "avoidant."
@bbv5490
@bbv5490 7 дней назад
Yeah, I honestly don't get why people are crapping on avoidants, and only avoidants. I have had bad experiences with extreme dismissive avoidants, but I've also had bad experiences with extreme anxiously-attached people. A lot of them would talk only about themselves in conversations, override your boundaries, and are overall draining. You give them an inch, and they take a mile. I stay away from them. And don't get me started on hot-cold disorganized people who can't seem to live without drama. Former disorganized here btw who is earned secure.
@Lexi_Con
@Lexi_Con 7 дней назад
Your point is valid & you must be very self aware, so props for that. I think almost everyone has some type of skill/trait they're working on or want to change, and many aren't aware of or understand themselves, much less their partners. With that said, the purpose of these vids (imho) is not necessarily to label people bad or good but to educate a general audience - in order to provide insight & teach how to better cope w/ common issues or scenarios unique to particular behaviors or personalities. The easiest way to describe them is w/ terms backed by psych research studies/diagnoses. You are correct that everyone has a unique set of characteristics & will vary in intensity, even w/ further breakdown of subtypes (info available across YT & elsewhere). Categories or labels help narrow down patterns of behavior for identification & thus provide easier access to info. What we learn can help us grow, appreciate, & often cope better... hopefully without stereotypes & misuse of "trendy" words.❤
@Lexi_Con
@Lexi_Con 7 дней назад
*Keep in mind that comments tend to be from people experiencing the stress & grief of rejection, false hope, confusion, and other emotions caused by relationships involving mixed messages & often untruths... So many will seem harsh from that perspective. Hope this helps.
@kbc1883
@kbc1883 6 дней назад
It seems, from what I've experienced, witnessed, read about, and seen in the comments of videos like this, that the hurt caused by avoidants on the more severe end is more cruel/deeper/more traumatic to the other person than the hurt caused to the avoidant by the anxiously attached partner. The anxious partner is often aware of their issues and willing to work on it, but often the avoidant partner is not willing to do the work. So, while both attachment styles are maladaptive and harmful to their partners, avoidants don't seem to walk away as traumatized as their anxious partners do.
@natibelfortunato6879
@natibelfortunato6879 2 дня назад
@@kbc1883i like how you expressed this.
@streetangelco
@streetangelco 7 дней назад
I wish ppl realized that avoidant ppl have wounds and hurts too and that’s why they are like that. I am avoidant and it is scary. But I feel like anxious attachment has a more positive or safer connotation while avoidant has always a negative connotation. I wish there were more videos on how to heal avoidant attachment
@robertdeskoski9783
@robertdeskoski9783 7 дней назад
Anxious people try to change, frequently. Avoidantly attached people have shame wounds that often prevent them from changing.
@natibelfortunato6879
@natibelfortunato6879 2 дня назад
@@robertdeskoski9783this is what i was going to say. thank you! and partners of avoidants end up so drained, abused, and broken. where as you don’t hear that much from the partners of anxious. anxious are willing to move heaven and earth to make something work. whereas avoidants…behave differently and typically shut down or act out or disconnect. that’s much more damaging for a partner.
@robertdeskoski9783
@robertdeskoski9783 2 дня назад
@@natibelfortunato6879: Yep. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't be in one. But don't drag your problems into something and tie them like a leqd weight around the ankles of your loves ones.
@jazz_savedbygrace_6077
@jazz_savedbygrace_6077 День назад
@@natibelfortunato6879it seems like you have a bias towards avoidant attachment people. All insecure attachments cause harm, not just the avoidant attachment. If you believe one causes more harm over the other..that’s a problem
@natibelfortunato6879
@natibelfortunato6879 День назад
@@jazz_savedbygrace_6077 you didn’t seem to read any other comments lol. i’ll let you do that before you mention anything about me.
@tinac6114
@tinac6114 6 дней назад
After 2 yrs I finally finally went complete NC with the man I've loved for over 15 yrs who kept push/pulling me for the last 2. I never thought about him being close to me only to have him push me away & block me weeks & mnths as him trying to decide if he wanted me. This last time we were intimate & he promised he wouldn't run. As soon as I got home I started trying to text him & he wouldn't reply. I knew I had been pushed away again. I tried for a month to get him to reply to my messages & then he blocked me on FB & that was IT for me! I blocked him back & on everything & I'm just moving on! The emotional abuse for the last 2 yrs has taken its toll on me. He did tell me many times after a yr he loved me but I don't think he even knows what love is. I will always love him but there comes a time you have to love yourself more.
@TopSecretInformations
@TopSecretInformations 5 дней назад
I sincerely hope you stand your ground.🩵
@fdaguerre2251
@fdaguerre2251 7 дней назад
This is so, so well done. I couldn't watch something like this until I moved on (which i did because i went back to school and am opening my mind). I would *not* have watched this when I was in the middle of an on-again off-again relationship with an avoidant man who would go no contact with zero warning- it would've hurt my hope!! Yikes, was I in denial.
@OtakittyRomy
@OtakittyRomy День назад
your comment gives me hope. I'm struggling leaving a relationship where they have gone no contact with zero warning multiple times, but I keep hoping they can get better...
@fdaguerre2251
@fdaguerre2251 День назад
@@OtakittyRomy You made it here. Something tells me you can do this :).
@Lexi_Con
@Lexi_Con 7 дней назад
❤🎯💯Great video! I've learned about avoidant types the past 2 months & it has helped me deal w/ the end of a long term relationship. Confirmed it's not just me, and more importantly, that I'm better off moving on bc the cycle will repeat itself forever, setting me up for heartbreak & blocking the path to a healthy relationship w/ someone else. 50+ club & never married... Definitely not to my ex of the past 3-6 years. No more breadcrumbs, I deserve the whole cake!😊🎂
@stacyeleanza4917
@stacyeleanza4917 7 дней назад
Do you know about the book called "Facing Love Addiction"* ? It spells the whole thing out. (Love addict & avoidant as 2 sides of the same coin.) it was shocking to me when I first read it 12 years ago, , , and also transformational. *(by Pia Mellody) It, along with SLAA (12-Step program), healed me to the core! The last sentence of yr comment describes the whole thing in a nutshell! (which is why I asked...)
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
Thanks for sharing this! You certainly do deserve the whole cake and we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@damalewis9277
@damalewis9277 6 дней назад
Even when they do love you and give you a commitment, they still leave.
@grizzlyrascal
@grizzlyrascal 7 дней назад
Avoidants are people too. But until they get their own healing that comes from an intrinsic place, they are incapable of being the good partner you deserve. They may be a great person, but if they are unhealed, they haven't developed the skillset for relationships, and wouldn't make a good partner until they do so for their own reasons.
@SonjaBlade608
@SonjaBlade608 6 дней назад
💯
@iconoclastic-fantastic
@iconoclastic-fantastic 7 дней назад
The timing of this is just impeccable bc this situationship with this avoidant man is NOT it... it's getting so fucking old. And it sucks. By now we should have been "official" like 6 months ago or so bc we met in October and it was immediately apparent how much chemistry we had & how we complemented each other well. I'm over it
@GabrielleP310
@GabrielleP310 14 часов назад
Chemistry doesn’t always equate to compatibility. It can also mean poor boundaries/abusive (emotional or psychological) tendencies. For me, I consider it a red flag.
@changingwoman1494
@changingwoman1494 7 дней назад
This hits way too close to home. Thank you for this valuable content
@ViagensGringa
@ViagensGringa 7 дней назад
I love your reactions while reading, makes it so clear!
@meagandekkar6377
@meagandekkar6377 4 дня назад
“Can we do no labels?” WTF? I left an avoidant after 2 years of utter BS. Oh the games that they play! They are the center of their universe and u r just an accessory that they use when they want sex, money, or favors. Just run!
@PinkWytchBytch
@PinkWytchBytch 7 дней назад
My husband is severely avoidant and I’m literally at the end of my rope. There’s a lot of similarities in this story and my own. I’m in that spot where I’m not sure if I want to live my entire life this way, but am scared than if I end it, things would’ve gotten better. How could any woman feel ok to stay with someone who can go from bare-minimum of decent, all the way to “I’ve never been happy with you” and I do t want to die alone so I’m stuck in a hesitant cycle of knowing he doesn’t properly love me but I don’t feel I have any chance of finding a true soul mate
@dogscott7881
@dogscott7881 7 дней назад
It hurts my heart to hear that, it sounds really painful. I hope you can find the answers and comfort you seek. Please do what makes you happy and feel at peace, whatever it may be.
@stacyeleanza4917
@stacyeleanza4917 7 дней назад
Having done some serious healing as a result of a relationship with an avoidant person, I can say that there are other joys in life equal to, or better than, finding a "true soul mate". My journey of finding my SELF, and sharing that true self authentically, has given me true, deep joy, that I am able to spread around to other people... It's a veritable love fest! (Not saying that it's like that all the time, but enough so that finding a true soul mate is not at all a concern... It would be more like the cherry on top of an already rich and purposeful life.) I say this to offer you some hope that you can have a rich, full life, if you so choose, whether or not you have a mate. I wish you the best! & the courage and strength to make the best decision(s) for *your* true self. 🌷
@ireefree2024
@ireefree2024 7 дней назад
I feel so sorry for you. I don't know how old you are but to be honest and real. Aren't you alone already? I was only in a relationship with an avoidant and it really destroyed me back them. Lot's of health issues came up and depression was the worst. It was like an addiction. Today I'm 39 and since 5 years in a healthy relationship and marriage since 3 years. My health is great, no depression, nothing. And the most important thing, I feel peace and can be totally me. No thinking of to be the "perfect" partner anymore to keep somebody. My husband loves me no matter what and helped me through depression. Honestly he met me when I was almost on the ground, today I'm finally healthy. Was it easy? oh no, but I won't go back to this Rollercoaster anymore. And even if one day my relationship would be over, I won't do the same mistakes anymore. I know my worth and have boundaries.
@chez5860
@chez5860 21 час назад
I’m such an avoidant and don’t want to be. But I can’t seem to stop.
@tomtbi
@tomtbi 7 дней назад
She might herself do better with a hobby rather than a relationship... It helps me...
@SimplyaLady92
@SimplyaLady92 7 дней назад
It's ok to want an intimate relationship 😂
@em97c
@em97c 7 дней назад
When you're on the right path to healing you can have both, if you want to!
@letseat4648
@letseat4648 7 дней назад
Great topic and I love this joyful dress on you!
@robins_corner
@robins_corner 7 дней назад
This was great information and perfect timing.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
@SeventhQuark
@SeventhQuark 5 дней назад
I found this video at just the right moment. Thank you.
@tomtbi
@tomtbi 7 дней назад
Why I avoid relationships... Too confusing for my Traumatic Brain Injury-( TBI ) brain..
@phoebewhite2233
@phoebewhite2233 День назад
I’m in a similar situation but I like the good stuff I get out of it… or I’d rather not go without…but the bad stuff is bad
@robertbenedek4463
@robertbenedek4463 5 дней назад
Extremely useful points, well put Ana, thank you again!
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 дней назад
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
@galinastaneva2019
@galinastaneva2019 7 дней назад
Unrelated but I love your shirt/dress
@Jeb9221
@Jeb9221 7 дней назад
He sounds like a fearful avoidant.
@nevadatan7323
@nevadatan7323 3 дня назад
Imo theres a definite difference between being avoidant and being a playa. Im somewhat avoidant, but it doesn't make me malicious. Im genuinely interested in others. It just makes me incredibly uncomfortable to allow people to get too close to me, what is normal for other people feels overwhelming and suffocating for me. My default mode is just my own company any im pretty good with that. That feels restful to me. Having other people invade my space, or my time is stressful. That said i can communicate what my needs are, and i can love people with my entire heart [providing they stay an arms distance away 😅] I think thats a world apart from dudes who use emotional ambiguities to get what they want minus any investment. I just really cant express how much i wish ppl were protective over their own valuable time and energy like i am instead of giving it all away to guys who havent yet proved deserving if it. You're worth way more than that. Stay cool ladies 😎
@amberinthemist7912
@amberinthemist7912 7 дней назад
Avoidant is just the new name for covert narc. Just avoid them all together, no matter what poor sob story they give you about why they can't be normal humans. It's not an accident, it's emotional abuse. You probably have some of your cptsd because of an "Avoidant ".
@ZeldaZelda-RichesToRags
@ZeldaZelda-RichesToRags 7 дней назад
Oh I love this
@georgiabundick
@georgiabundick 7 дней назад
literally i got a notification and was like “realest title ever”
@TheLove1Makes
@TheLove1Makes 7 дней назад
Good topic good lesson thanks.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
@micheleele7299
@micheleele7299 6 дней назад
Curious about the difference between an avoidant & a narcissist because they sound the same. When I was in the dating pool before meeting my husband there were no terms for any of this….if me & my friends came across a guy like this…we would chalk it up as “he just likes playing games, thrill of the chase & wanting the thrill of the next catch, a “Player”…now it seems to me that the psychological terms allow women to have sympathy for guys like this & try to change them.
@Doodlefisher
@Doodlefisher 7 дней назад
9:59 good points
@deansongs
@deansongs 7 дней назад
This is as is your usual work lovely. If you would ever like to take me on as a client and charge me an hourly rate for in person or video conferencing, I would love that. You're amazing and I just really appreciate how you got to this point in your own life.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
If you're interested, you can check out our individual coaching options here: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/coaching :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@deansongs
@deansongs 6 дней назад
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Will do !! And not that mine will be picked, but I cannot imagine why I haven't written a letter before because I absolutely love love love love love love love love the way the letters. So much deep thought and consideration and it's also really cool how a lot of times the letters are written from one person's perspective, but you have a perspective on how we let her writers are missing something which is even more valuable in your response than the empathy!
@deansongs
@deansongs 6 дней назад
It's funny because even if you don't get a chance to read it, I so look forward to writing that letter! I have written several books but a short letter just on that subject would be a wonderful thing and I never knew that until I see how you decompose those letters. No, that's not the right d word but I wanted to get it out there
@sergicrisan5564
@sergicrisan5564 День назад
I learnt recently that I'm an avoidant. I effed up a 7 year relationship and a year after breaking up I still feel horrible. I'm working on it never happening again.
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 20 часов назад
We're here to support you! Nika@TeamFairy
@anamarieph8597
@anamarieph8597 6 дней назад
I'm out of all that sh*t, at 58 I avoid feeling the victim.
@dayofmylife7289
@dayofmylife7289 5 дней назад
you are the best
@DKMRFCBrlz
@DKMRFCBrlz 7 дней назад
100% identified
@tomtbi
@tomtbi 7 дней назад
He sounds like a vampire to me too...
@A.l.a.c.
@A.l.a.c. 6 дней назад
Ppl use to say we should watch men's actions and not their words... but I think we should watch their actions and words. Words are very important! Including the words we say ourselves like: "I can't love anyone the way I love him" etc, that's a lie you tell yourself to not face the pain, he is not good for you and there is nothing special about it. The "specielness" is made by the things we chose to do and say to our beloved everyday, if he is not doing it... you gonna find someone else willing to make things special and unique with you.
@Syllacrostics
@Syllacrostics 7 дней назад
Woah new mic! Haha it freaked me out for a sec, like you’d hired someone to dub your video.
@micahwelner
@micahwelner 7 дней назад
thank you I needed this right when you posted it
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@GoldenG613
@GoldenG613 6 дней назад
Scarily on the money.
@puabi666
@puabi666 6 дней назад
Pple talk abt love as it is the only n only plight in the world.
@TheyCallMeBabo
@TheyCallMeBabo День назад
I want to hear the dude's side of the story - I think it would be extremely edifying. That's the thing about these letters; they are one sided and necessarily myopic. We are ALL traumatized. It's so fashionable to label our exes as narcs or 'avoidants' (these are made-up labels used by clinicians, remember-and how have they helped humanity?) It takes two to tango - whatever you want to say about your ex partners, we don’t end up with anyone unless the driving force of our volition (unconscious or not) is a vibrational match with our 'toxic partner'. This infuriates people who are addicted to being a victim. We are all constantly, albeit unconsciously, magnetically drawing the experiences that will release our old, stuck, denied emotions. We stay in shitty relationships because there is some kind of payoff for us. Sometimes the denial is so deep it takes a narcissist to expose it. The blame / shame game is just another path to hell. God bless all those who champion Love.
@MarinaLifeAnimal
@MarinaLifeAnimal День назад
that's a lame old cliche, let me add some nuance, sometimes you enter the tango and then get spun around in circles til you can't see straight and your toes have been trampled. no two dance partners will be the same.
@TheyCallMeBabo
@TheyCallMeBabo День назад
@@MarinaLifeAnimal cliches are all lame but they become cliche because they hold truth. I don’t understand what you’re trying to say with the rest of your extended metaphor. You still showed up to the dance. You’re still clinging to the same partner until you choose to let go.
@MarinaLifeAnimal
@MarinaLifeAnimal День назад
@@TheyCallMeBabo The dance is over, the damage is done and it's fine with me if you don't understand. Peace
@TheyCallMeBabo
@TheyCallMeBabo День назад
@@MarinaLifeAnimal that's fine with me too - I offered you the opportunity to explain because you were responding to me and your meaning was unclear. I assumed you wanted me to get what exactly you were trying to say with the problematic extended metaphor (i.e. I thought you wanted a dialogue). I was happy to continue the conversation-I didn't want to assume that you were just writing riddles for yourself ;) We shall all meet each other in the place where volition can't be hidden. Peace to you as well.
@MarinaLifeAnimal
@MarinaLifeAnimal День назад
​@@TheyCallMeBabo makes no sense to continue dialogue with somebody who calls my response problematic, then edits their original comment, just for the record.
@MistyshaAnguo
@MistyshaAnguo 7 дней назад
I have a question for anyone willing to answer! What should you do if you have been limerent over a friend (A) that is now dating one of your friends (B) and thus you see them often? (The limerence started before A got in a relationship with B.) You try to set boundaries and distance with A but they think you are "acting weird" since you used to be close friends and they keep trying to bridge the distance. Would you ask to end the friendship with A without an explanation? Would you make the reason for the boundaries explicit? Would you disclose the situation to B? Asking for a friend. 😮‍💨
@thesecretshade
@thesecretshade 6 дней назад
Is this really avoidant because i would have said he's emotionally unavailable. Either way, he's wasting her time.
@eandsm4620
@eandsm4620 5 дней назад
I don't know what I have been doing . . . where was this channel 50 years ago?
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 дней назад
I'm so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@eandsm4620
@eandsm4620 4 дня назад
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Me, too! I had an above average dysfunctional childhood!!!
@danaw23
@danaw23 7 дней назад
Where have you been all my life? ❤
@y.peffle2802
@y.peffle2802 7 дней назад
he's just not that into you... 3 years ?! move on , nothing is as good or as bad as it seems
@peaceindarkness.darknessis3494
@peaceindarkness.darknessis3494 2 часа назад
I would like to send you a letter…. Where may I send it please?
@jeanieshank1433
@jeanieshank1433 7 дней назад
I think I am avoidant. What do I do?
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 дней назад
If you haven't already, you may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
@marc8h726
@marc8h726 3 дня назад
Give you two what?
@Andrea-Rose
@Andrea-Rose 23 часа назад
🦉🦉🦉
@Analysis_Paralysis
@Analysis_Paralysis 7 дней назад
I feel like, in a half-love for an avoidant like him cuddling and taking care of her when she's ill is like a calculated move, it's sort of manipulative. Women shouldn't settle for the bare minimum. She deserves a love that's not half-love.
@Grammamellow1
@Grammamellow1 7 дней назад
Doctor Doo little..the originally..the Lamma push me pull ewe.
@Grammamellow1
@Grammamellow1 7 дней назад
Fishing .a hook..carriage rides..a dangling carrot..smile..you on candid camera..the internet is forever . Ever.
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