What if you kind of been talking to them and trying to get back with them with 3 months before going no contact... even when you knew they were talking to someone new? They called me randomly one day when I was at work and I answered right away, I said I was at lunch but afterwords I was upset with myself for answering so easily and fast. I feel like their perception of me is very low even though they say I still have a place in their heart, they care about me, they respect me, want the best for me, etc.
My friend, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about you. What matters is what you think about yourself. Love is a choice and an action, no a feeling. We must therefore choose to love ourselves first. That’s what is attractive.
Weird question, could be some insecure thinking on my part. But what if the rebound partner is better intimately than you are? For example they are more endowed, more attractive, better in different ways. Won't that make it easier for the dumper to feel correct in their choice of rebound.
I hear what you’re saying, but that’s only surface level. Real connect and relationships must go deeper than that. If it’s based only on surface level stuff, it was doomed from the start.
Thank you for the video Nick, I wrote on another one of your videos about my situation and all your videos have been very helpful. I just have so much guilt looking over how I slowly lost her over the year of long distance we had in our 3.5 year relationship. She is very anxious attached and I wasn't able to give her the full attention she needed all the time to make herself feel more secure. After she broke up with me because she just couldn't deal with the hurt anymore she went out drinking, partying, and doing stuff much more than she ever did in our relationship. Eventually she found a guy and started talking to and hanging out with him about 2 months after our breakup. I've been working on myself and have really deeply reflected on what went wrong, both on her end and mine. I am truly trying to be a better person and hate myself for not changing during the relationship when she gave me so many chances. I guess part of me started to be unhappy as well, I was already going through a depressive episode emotionally and I couldn't pull myself out of it and it strained our connection more along with the distance. It really does hurt to see the one you loved moving on so easily even while they say they are hurting and missing you too, but their actions don't seem to reflect this. It's hard not to think this guy is giving everything I wasn't in our long distance apart. Even though we were each other's deepest love and have expressed that, we expressed we learned so much from each other, and both really grew as people together emotionally and mentally. I messed up and was in contact with her for the ~2.5 months after our breakup, going on no contact now for a week.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick I still do feel guilty because I know I could have done better and gave more of the attention she needed. But I know I will be better for the next person, even if it's not her
Maybe, maybe not. If you could’ve given her more attention at the time, you would’ve no? My point is, maybe you didn’t have the knowledge, tools and maturity at the time.
6 months no contact since the breakup conversation. She never reached out, but my ex from 8 years ago did and now my ex from 8 years ago and i are kinda back on. Funny the way how things work out
3 months separated, we were practically flatmates for the first month, it was horrible. She moved out , no contact for 2 months, then i received an email with the tickets she bought us to see a band.
My wife of 25 years wanted a divorce and moved out leaving me with my 2 kids back in February of this year. I was a mess until mid March, and now I am new and improved. She now reaches out to me constantly, and I am at peace. I am not ever going to take her back, and you shouldn’t go back ever. Value you above all and don’t look back. Just remember you are all you need.
I have my confidence she will come back after the rebound that wont be successful our connection was too deep to get over a 1 and 10 month relationship after 1 week and start with someone who reach out to you and the best thing is im just better then her new guy in every aspect she just uses him to get over me
@@bojidarcarski8263 I feel you, as much as I shouldn't I feel like I couldn't help myself from being with her again. I know my mistakes that I made in the relationship that caused us to breakup. But we were so close and worked together so well and she even said that to me. I want to move on though because I know if I truly was detached, I wouldn't hurt anymore.
That seems to be contradictory with the radical acceptance of the breakup: Either the dumpee radically accept the breakup and his responsibility or the dumpee considers the rebound has nothing to do with him. Both in the same time seems oxymorons to me
Buddy, I’m merely explaining the psychology behind a rebound. I clearly specify that an ex rebounding is about them, not the dumpee. Not making it about yourself is radical acceptance of the rebounders actions.
It's been 6 months (or in his mind, 8) since he broke up with me, and he's still together with the colleague he monkey-branched to. I think he just wanted to be happy with someone else. He's told me things are rocky between him and that new girlfriend, and she hates me as I've known him for over 10 years, despite her and I never having met each other. But they're still together and going strong... I think it's just a regular relationship now. I guess it'll either come to an end, or they'll keep doing their thing and become better people in growth because of it.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick I suspect I'm the only person in life he opened up to around difficult emotions, and he was likely trying to continue doing so tbh. Believe me, I didn't ask him to, and I haven't heard anything since.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick completely agree. I told him I didn't want to know and am no longer doing that for him. Grateful to have my energy to myself, and thankful for your content for being a great resource 🙏
If they don’t want to be lonely, then why dump the person they were in love with to start over with some random new person?! How do they tell someone they love them 3x a day and they want to marry them and then just discard them suddenly? Why couldn’t she see how good and happy we were together and just stay and fix the issues? How does someone walk away from someone they are “so in love with” as she often told me.
she's an avoidant, either fearful or dismissive, and she's repressing everything she feels about you which will come bubbling back strong after this is over. stay in NC and work on yourself, and you will likely have the choice to take them back or not.
That question is very loaded, my friend. Maybe they felt lonely in the relationship. Maybe there were un-communicated need. Sadly, your perception of things doesn’t determine the health of the relationship, or where she was emotionally.
@@Andy-cx8ct I don’t know what she was. She had high anxiety and feared what everyone thought about her…a self proclaimed people pleaser. She discarded me and quickly became cold and blamed me for her anxiety even though we had a good relationship. It’s been so long and now she’s been dating someone else and has blocked me on two different platforms even though we weren’t connected. And I was never mean to her. I literally only got upset with her once but the multiple times she got upset with me I was calm and reassuring. I never got a clear reason why she broke up although I think it might have been her supervisor at her job encouraging her to because she mentioned that she worried for her and her supervisor’s job when I simply texted her asking to talk. I met her at her work so I don’t know. She was also scared what her family might think of us. I also think it’s fomo but idk. I got a dozen different excuses from her. She’s not coming back but she left me crushed and I can’t get out of the hole. She definitely love bombed me and pushed for us to be together forever.
Nick, it's been just over 3 years since my 15 year relationship ended. She's been in a rebound for 2 ½ years, (well I assume it's a rebound, they got together after a few months, and she moved him in after 3 weeks). I just wanna get over her because I feel if she said "I wanna get back together", I fear I'd say "yes", despite how much pain this breakup and her behaviour since then, has hurt me. Sorry for the ramble, just venting. You're a great man Nick, keep it up
Yeah that’s rough, man. I’m sorry to hear that. Breakups are vastly more painful, if you keep making them about your ex. This is YOUR breakup! It’s special and unique to you! Make it your own because the only way you feel better, is if you make it all about you.
I have learn to know me better, I dont give a f#$k anymore what she does or who she does IT with, I have my ups and downs but im in a much better place now, thanks to you Nick.
RU-vid sometimes adds 1 view when editing in the RU-vid editing suit. Even though the video is unlisted at the time, it can register as an actual view.
Definitely needed this video today. I'm not sure why but I woke up with this impending doom feeling. Currently in a long distance relationship that is relatively new. It's a very unique situation though (That part's a long story). About 3 weeks ago we met for the first time in Chicago and spent an absolutely amazing 4 days together. Couldn't have possibly gone any better. We've definitely been talking about meeting again in about a month in another city to spend some time together We talk everyday still and get along so effortlessly. I'm not sure what it is though, the past 3 or 4 days, our conversations have just been about everyday stuff. Prior to that, there was a lot of intimacy in our conversations talking about how much we missed each other and so on. She has done nothing wrong and to my knowledge, nothing really triggered the change in conversation. I'm just anxious as hell worrying that maybe she has a change of heart but im trying not to let that feeling spiral out of control. I keep telling myself I'm just overthinking but maybe it's a little deeper than that. I also wonder if I'm just going fucking crazy. Lol
This is called mistaking chemistry for connection. Chemistry is little more than a dopamine high. The more dopamine we have the more resistant we are to it.
Is it a rebound when they started talking 1.5 - 2 months after we broke up and aren't 'serious' but are talking a lot every day, hanging out, and sleeping with each other. 3 months after the fact she tells me 'maybe' it's going to become serious but isn't right now? 3.5 years together. The breakup because of long distance and because of that, the feeling of 'being in love' faded. Small fights felt so much bigger and even though when we were together in person things were great, that love feeling faded. Even after the breakup she has told me she loves me, has love for me, still has part of me in her heart. She tells me she misses me, that she still has all my gifts and pictures, and thinks about me every day. I was an important part of her life, and she won't forget me. I taught her so much about love and she never felt the love I gave her. Yet she did not want to try again, she gave me chance after chance to fix what was going on during the relationship and we had those conversations, yet I still didn't. She is very anxiously attached, and I wasn't giving her the attention she needed. I was dealing with some depression and definitely could have done better; I've reflected so much and am so mad at who I was in the last couple months of our relationship. She told me that it was both our faults and we both could have done things differently but can't change them now. While she still says she has feelings for me and is attracted, she is trying to move on and be happy.
Rebounds are about where someone is emotionally. It has very little to do with tilt. I’ve just finished writing the script for my next rebound video. It’s about why dumpers fall into rebounds. Keep an eye for it. 😊
@@TheLoveFix-Nick So you would consider this a rebound, even though they are not officially dating yet? To me it just seems like she is waiting to finally be fully over me so then they can start dating. She told me she is scared of opening up like how she was with me and get hurt again and doesn’t know if she will be able to love so deeply again. She said the guy knows what she is going through
@@TheLoveFix-Nick No it doesn't really matter what she is doing at all. I guess I am just trying to understand if it is a rebound or not because I still feel hurt that she found someone else after how close and how long we were together. We broke up saying that we hope to work on ourselves and get back together in the future
Yeah man. It’s okay to be hurt! But figuring if it’s a rebound or not is just going to drive you crazy. You’re in enough pain as is. Why inflict more upon yourself? 😩
What i learned is that ultimately, we are all just passing through each others lives and some stay longer than others. You absolutely have to get to a stage in your life imo where you cant be afraid to lose people from your life and you are responsible for your own happiness. When you get to this point, it's liberating but for most of us, we have to go through this terrible period. For anyone freshly goung through a break up, keep your head up and keep your dignityk youll be twice the man after. The break i had with my ex over 2.5 years ago was the best thing to ever happen to me. Your vids helped me along the way Nick.
Nick i have been binge watching your videos since yesterday. I LOVE the no BS and it lines up with other self help I have read and come across. This list you made does almost sound like my ex as well, but I truly appreciate your honestly and the directness of which you speak. Take the power back, stop living in hope that "One day..."
For what it's worth as you gave me a thumbs up I'm reading a digital copy of your book and I have the paper back coming in the mail! Thanks for the help man
A year later after the breakup and this really is such great information to hear. I absolutely love the honesty and bluntness in your videos!!! "who really wants to be demoted to just being friends again?..." FUUCK THAT!
Together for 15 years. On August 18 he told me he loved me, I was his best friend and didn’t want to do life without me. August 28th he told me it was over. Found out he is dating someone. Is this a rebound? How did he move on so fast?
I’m sorry to hear that. That sounds more like a monkey branch to me (overlapping relationships. Having someone lined up already) That’s really sucky and painful. I hope you’re feeling okay. I promise you’ll be okay.
F*ck him off! He says that but his actions are that, he is in another woman’s bed. There are consequences to his actions. If you take him back, you’re giving him a free pass to do whatever he wants. He chose novelty over the stability and security of the relationship. He shat all over the floor! You know who else’s shits all over the floor? Dogs and babies!
I totally agree with everything that he said. This is the last week I will ever contact my ex. Time to walk away permanently from her and live my life.
I'm hearing you. The grief and feelings of loss are overwhelming. It feels like you cannot catch your breath. Thank you for your videos. I appreciate your honesty and compassion. ❤
What about when you dumped them but reach out after two months no contact… he blocked me right after i ended things…i called many times with a blocked number weeks after but nothing. i just want closure… two months later he finally picked up… and he just quickly rushed me off the phone n said “ya we’re good, no worries, you take care” It felt terrible. i just want to be mature and wish each other well! He seemed fine. But I’m sure it’s a front. I just don’t understand how he can’t accept that we aren’t good for each other. I want to have a nice civil conversation sending each other love. Like that’s truly my reason. I don’t miss being his gf bc he was a horrible boyfriend. But i don’t think he’s a bad guy. It just sucks…
