What i learned is that ultimately, we are all just passing through each others lives and some stay longer than others. You absolutely have to get to a stage in your life imo where you cant be afraid to lose people from your life and you are responsible for your own happiness. When you get to this point, it's liberating but for most of us, we have to go through this terrible period. For anyone freshly goung through a break up, keep your head up and keep your dignityk youll be twice the man after. The break i had with my ex over 2.5 years ago was the best thing to ever happen to me. Your vids helped me along the way Nick.
I was TRULY PLANNING to SPEND MY ENTIRE LIFE with her & I've been SOOOO LOYAL TO HER as I've never been before. Only God knows I'm right & what I've sacrificed & gave her.All of that & many more FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART & without wanting or expecting NOTHING in return. In the end,she dumped me through AN SMS (P.S. SACRILEGE!) & acted as was an one night stand. Or even worse... Today-9 months later-I'm UTTERLY GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR REVELING TO ME HER TRUE IDENTITY....
I can so relate to everything you say Nick. "My" breakup was abrupt and happend in the honeymoon phase of a reconciliation (we were broken up before). It feels like the sudden death of a loved one (just that the person is still alive). I was not ready for this as everything seemed right and we both worked on our stuff. The first big Argument and everything fell apart. It is hard to let go of hope and if the wish for a proper closure. Ruminating since many months, trying to solve the puzzle. I feel all the pain every night and day. Also very alone and in darkness and yet have to be there for others. Ambigous grief is a real shitshow. Thank you so much for beeing there for All of us.
Thank you for sharing, and ouch! That’s rough. Being blindsided like that is savage, but let’s try and look at it differently. If one argument was enough to topple it, were they truly right for you? It might be good to think along the line of, they freed you to find someone who can take the rough with the smooth.
The brain has faulty software basically. You spend a lot of time thinking about your loved on while you're still with them and it becomes a habit, and then they're gone... But the habit is still there... except it becomes an emotionally painful habit that drains your life energy, which is basically a withdrawal anxiety state as your brain fails over and over to get what it needs. The habit then persists through rumination and you don't even want this person anymore, you're just so used to the thoughts themselves cause they're so reinforced. I'd say 9/10 times it's not even the fault of the dumpee to be stuck, they were most likely abused into a state of codependency by an unhealthy toxic individual who blindsided them just as they got comfortable in the belief that this is it, that person's got their back through thick and thin. Surprise!
Thank you for this video. Everything was well said, and this stance felt not only insightful, but powerful in how you posed the information in a way to regain control of our reality. A healthy balance of logic and emotion.
Aww thank you so much. That’s an amazing compliment and it means a lot. I spent almost two weeks writing the script, and that’s exactly what I was going for. I hope you’re well. 😊
I was with this girl for 7 years, and she blindsided me with a break up 4 months ago. She is now seeing someone new but keeps it hidden, it seems, since she hasn't posted anything online about him like she did me when we first started dating. It hurts trying to get over her, and it doesn't help she still has all of her stuff still at my apartment 🙃
I can’t even get to the anger stage. I’ve spoken with therapist, psychologist & psychiatrists - & they say that what she did was emotional abuse 😞 yet I feel like deep down I must be somehow not portraying what happened without bias. She said the relationship was ok right up until it wasn’t. She ended it via a text whilst I was an in patient working thru a med change for anxiety & depression. I felt broken & still can’t get a proper nights sleep
They’re not the cause of the lack of sleep, but you could be right that they’re preventing me from getting to the anger stage. I know how wrong what she did was, but I keep getting a sad over it, I’m an emotional wreck which I have never been in the past. I feel like I’m more irrationally upset about this betrayal than I’ve been about pretty much anything else in my life. I know I supported her so much, with her kids, with her medical problems, with the stupid situations she got herself in with her cars & her house. Legal stuff, family issues, you name it, I was there; yet when my anxiety hit because she became so distant & continually withdrawing her love & being hot/cold depending on if she needed something, her response was I can’t fix you, you need to fix yourself. Logically I know the relationship was bad, & that I can’t go back, yet I get upset constantly 🤷♂️ My mind is all whack I swear
Yeah man, I was in a similar situation with my ex. Here’s the thing about women who need fixing. They leave once your utility runs out. But here’s the other thing, you sound like a fixer like I used to be. Fixers choose victims because that’s how we validate ourselves and that must change. Two books Will help with this. My book, obviously 😁 Breaking Up with Your Breakup: a counterintuitive remedy for heartbreak amzn.eu/d/9pIlrrf And No More Mr Nice Guy www.audible.co.uk/pd/B07896PR72?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow
Thankyou, yes i believe you’re right about the fixer issue, the psychiatrist said the same thing. I really want to let go. Im glad you think it’s something i can get beyond, Ive ordered both books & hopefully will have them by Friday 🤞
Thank you buddy. It 100% something you can overcome. When you get into a relationship where you stop fixing and work as a team, it is so much better. You’ve got this.
Pretty much that's all I went through altogether for 2 weeks then I started focusing on myself and also realizing stuff. Also I never wanted to see everyone break up. 😀
@@TheLoveFix-Nick haha that doesn't mean you're bad person. You were too disappointed I guess.. but that's okay as long as we try to heal and grow. I for the first week of the break up blamed myself for losing the " love of my life " had suicidal thoughts, didn't eat, cried 24/7 non stop etc etc. but after the 3rd week I'm improving myself. I don't blame my ex and still love her. I woke up bad habits in her and she woke bad ones in me. No one is bad besides the ones that actually abuse the person next to them physically and emotionally
Hang in there I'm on day 12 no contact and she text me yesterday and I don't know if I should reply or just stay in no contact but I want here back and want to reply so bad but came to RU-vid for answers
i'm at the sleeping with as many women as possible, lying to them and hurting them to make myself feel better about how my ex discarded me phase im in therapy but idk
Hopefully someone will reply just to give me some clarity! What do i do when neither of us have said it's over but had an argument because i was disrespected, didn't feel considered or valued, it's not the first time and i'd gotten to the point where i felt maybe i'm wasting my time. I txt him and said that he needed to come and explain why he continued to make me feel like this and that i was on the verge of throwing the towel in altogether. He read the message and never replied! That was 7 weeks ago! I've not contacted him at all to ask why he's given me the silent treatment, i just went into no contact straight away. I'm at a loss at what to think at this point. We've been together 2 years
I’m really sorry to hear that. Clarity. His actions are the clarity. Your actions are the clarity. The breakup has already happened, there’s just no verbal agreement. Beyond that, it’s not much of a relationship if he is treating you this way. I know that’s hard to hear and I’m sorry, but actions tell you everything.
Hi Nick i can't tell you how much i appreciate you taking the time to reply to me... Can i ask you just one more question please... After almost 2 months of complete NC he turned up at my door over the weekend drunk saying he'd come to return my key, I let him in and i tried to explain how his actions made me feel, he said he missed me but nothing was resolved because i couldn't even get a rational conversation out of him! I wouldn't say we had a slanging match but i couldn't help but get angry at times as it was like i was banging my head against a brick wall. He passed me my key and went then sent me a txt that said I'm sorry.... I replied the next morning to say i appreciate the apology but disappointed he'd turned up drunk, and that if he was at all serious about me he would've wanted to talk with a clear head! I went on to say i was left feeling upset and confused all over again... He's read the message but not replied! By the way we are both 55 years old so not kids anymore although he acts like one! Any advice as i'm at a total loss at what to think or do now! Thankyou
He’s 55 years old, turning up drunk. Is there anything else to say? My friend, he is showing you his character. That’s on him. What’s on you is accepting his behaviour. Boundaries. You must have boundaries and cut this man off. We’re responsible for who we get with. I hope you feel better.
@@joannehibberd4918 Dr. Pat Allen has the answers about the 8 weeks. And why he came drunk to your place, unless he is an alcoholic. Please live your life and do not waste your wonderful time waiting for him.
How do you get over him if he keeps you hanging on I still love you and the other person but I'm in love with them not you but I still love you and want to support you. 24 years met a girl who hunted him down so he said he was not with me got with her then in my bed. Been on going for a year now he's dumped his kids and me tricked me in to a divorce so he can marry her to get his visa to southAfricain. And live with her and get her away from her mother .
Boundaries my friend. You must boundaries and give him the breakup. No Møre communication regard your relationship. No more I love you. Actions never lie and words don’t mean shit.
