I always explain my having a male name by saying, "I was first born and had the audacity to be a girl." I'm older than a lot of the posters here, and I can tell you, even though I moved to a different country, I ended up with the caregiving responsibility for my folks at the end of their lives (my brothers lived in the same town). Before my dad died, he reminded me to take care of my (middle aged!!!) brothers after he was gone. Shew.
This has nothing to do with romance, but yes, the concept of _just_ being nice. The subject is my half-sister's dad. I felt like he didn't really give me a lot of attention when picking up or dropping off my sister (though I was very little, so what would I remember anyway). Then I stayed over at his and his family's house with my sister for a week or two, when I was eight. Once in the summer, the other in November. I don't know if I asked if I could join my sister, but there's a pretty good chance I did, to invite myself into her family. I even wrote them a letter in 2013 because I missed them so much. Well, when I reunited the dad in 2015 for my sister's college graduation and her wedding in 2019, I felt like he was a little too interactive with me. All peppy and "I'm-a-big-fan-of-John" attitude. It was actually kind of annoying. At my sister's wedding, he commented how good the food looked in line, compared our heights when the conversation about mine came up, and fist-bumped me about some funny joke I must've made (my memory is vague). I don't know, I wonder if he was just embellishing his admiration of me. I tried to be close to him and his family and maybe he was giving me too much "fatherly" affection in response. But maybe because he felt like he had to? If that's the case, I don't want it. It's kind of like going on a pity date with someone. You just don't do that.
I am a last born . After I was born, my parents were divorced, and my older siblings acted like my second parents. The trauma I experienced is from my siblings , I suffered abuse in their hands. They passed down all the beating down to me.
Oldest daughter here. I was raised by my grandparents for 10 years until my deadbeat parents decided to come to the US and bring me with them. Within a year they started having babies year after year and I was made a mom at 11. By 15 I had a mental breakdown and was removed from the house. When I turned 18 my dumb ass went back to them to play mommy and save mommy dearest. 😂 Stockholm syndrome is real!
First born daughter here. My parents divorced when I was super young. They both entered relationships before the divorce was finalized. I ended up with new siblings from my dad immediately. I have 4 brothers and one sister of which I’m not really close to any. I’m at a point where I love being alone. I struggle with male relationships and have been through lots of therapy, over resenting the lack of care from my dad. At 40 no kids I feel so at peace. Bewteen all the trama and chaos I finally feel at peace. Feel like a lot of my youth was robbed!!
That’s why I can’t wait to move tf far far away when. I tell people close to me that I want to move away they’ll say you’ll regret it , ugh no absolutely not. We deserve to life our life to our own standards . Don’t ever feel guilty.
I’m the oldest of 6 kids and I never thought it was weird to change my siblings diapers, make dinner, clean constantly and my dad taking my paycheck when I got my first job. This all started when I was 8 years old. It wasn’t until I moved out that I realized that my childhood was stolen. I’m 32 and don’t have children. Idk if I could raise more children after going through that. I just want my freedom. I love my siblings they are my best friends. They did nothing wrong. They are all neurodivergent so they had some behavior issues and melt downs. Great video! I feel so validated ❤
From a youngest, stop taking out your issues on your younger siblings. We're not our parents any more than you are. Understand who you should be mad at. You had 2 crappy parents and we had 3🙃
Relationship between African parents and their children is slave and master relationship. Btw religion doesnt harm people but traditions do. And we have a lot of bad and harmful traditions in African countries
I'm a savant, a legally certified genius, speak multiple languages, and got into film acting ON MY OWN when I was a teen. And YET, all they do is flex that I'm an actor and a genius to their friends while also refusing to acknowledge I'm not a five year old, and trying to sabotage my career.
I think it's high time we parents stop putting all our savings on our kids . I'm a millennial mum from a third world country breaking my leg and foot to give my son good education. It's high time i start prioritising myself.
Have you heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? It sounds like a lot of these mothers have this mental condition. It is a secret but massive problem. The mothers are very entitled and dismissive of their daughters as well as envious and spiteful. There is a large genetic component- looks like lot of Africans affected. It is incurable. The daughters go No Contact because their whole persona is crushed by being the mothers servant, stooge and yes-woman. The top NPD professor is Dr Ramini Durvasula in Usa. She has 50 plus You Tube videos which are excellent.
I’m the first born daughter but I don’t have this experience at all. None of us took care of each other. Still daddy’s little girl ( whenever my younger siblings wanted something they would’ve ask me to ask dad cause he couldn’t say no to me). But I get what you’re saying. Never thought that was some other people’s experience. It might really have been not easy to deal with all that.🙏🏼
I am an extreme introvert but fierce with NEVER bending to pleasing ANYONE, people will look at me and tell right away from the look I send not to mess with me. Sometimes my co-workers will ask why am so quiet, I will tell them to ‘go away, I am busy.’ They back off leaving me to be at peace. Those close to me find that I am a very kind person, willing to listen, laugh, sing, etc; but to most people I am a strange wall that can’t be touched.
So whats supposed to be the thing of a second born who has a sociopath for an older brother and parentification from a single mom but also i failed to be a good child...?
I have a friend. And since her big sis got married and mowed out all work that used to ber her sis' work turned to be hers. The big sis got pregnant and was upset and angry when her litlle sis (my friend) said she doesn't want to took care of her future kid. It's so sad how even little girls are treated like mothers/wives/maids/nannies by men and other women who were treated like that by sociery for years. I'm second child and big sister too. I am basically a slave at my home. I have older brother but he is useless and I think my parents think so too because all the expectations they have they put on me. I am 17 now but when I turn 18 I wanna move out and never have children. I said this to my mom and got called selfish, egoistic by her. I hate to be woman and I hate to have siblings.
I remember my mom telling me that before she expected me me she was expecting a baby boy. Which resulted in a miscarriage. Then she unexpectedly got pregnant, which resulted in me. However, when I was born, my mom said she was sad a bit, and her mother wanted a grandson because all the grandchildren before me were girls. But my mom said she was happy in the end. I don't know whether it was a compliment or not??
Just because we don't do things the way yall do does not mean we dont have culture and who is it that made yall the judges of what culture is anyway lol i think yall need to keep our names out your mouths we dont owe yall African or Caribbean people anything yall flee your homelands to come to America we didnt ask yall to come here but youre welcomed if you leave your tribalism and biases at home or stay home
I used to think it was normal for me to be angry, mad, upset as a young teen. It was from all the trauma I endured as a child just building up. It’s not my job to parent my sibling.
So are all African parents or Caribbeans mentally Ill….child 🙆🏽♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Narcissism is deeeeeeeeeeeeep I could never. I would be whopping butts on the daily. Story: I have an aunt who’s father forbid her from dating…she use to cry and tell me how she wish she was able marry and have children. Her own father felt ownership over her body. It’s insanity.
It’s crazy how eldest daughters do so much and as soon as you give them the same disrespect they give you, they’re flabbergasted. Or when the youngest daughter disrespects you and you dish her what she just dished you, you’re the bad guy even though she started it. It also crazy how everyone and their mothers can disrespect you but you can’t disrespect them without getting in trouble. They are all like “when you have a boyfriend…..” or “you’ll change your mind about kids.” No, I will not. I would rather raise a pack of wolves than raise any kid, especially my own. I wanna be retired but sadly am way to young for that. I would rather live with silence all day everyday, in my clean house, with my dog, and minimal human interaction. I don’t understand how it so hard for parents to actually parent, stick to one kid if you can’t stick it out for more.
I feel like I'm in the minority but in my case I only had one younger sibling to raise, but despite that I'd actually do it again. I love children and to watch them grow into their own person is so fascinating to me, like I remember the day my little brother was born. I was 5 and it was on a Tuesday morning, now he's a grown man. He so talented and he's a sweet man, despite my struggles I'm happy to be there for him and watch his talents develop. Although I prefer to have some years as a break before trying again, childrearing as a child is no joke ^^;
First born daughter here. I was the Cinderella, the punching bag, the outcast of the family. Everything was my fault, I could not do anything right. My younger sister was the golden child, she was protected by my mother, whilst I was thrown to the gutter to be abused by my father. I have cut contact with all of them and even took the help of a lawyer to keep them from molesting me.
I'm a firstborn daughter who kind of got this weird reverse treatment. Like I had ZERO authority over my siblings. My parents wouldn't even let me tell them to stop being obnoxious, they just told me I was a brat and needed to put up with them. I wasn't blamed for the things they did but my parents (mother especially) would take out all her frustrations on me because I was the oldest and a girl. I wasn't their third parent, I was everyone's punching bag and was expected to sit down, shut up, and deal with it. And now they're confused as to why I have no relationship with my siblings. It's like... do you want the list alphabetically or by how much it traumatized me?
My only problem with this analysis is in regard to blaming colonialism or outside cultural influences. Many of these negative cultural issues were a part of these cultures before colonialism. These negative behaviors and feeling were not "learned" from an oppressor, they were already there.
Generational trauma is real so I understand this perspective but at times it's difficult to have the patience. When you try to explain to African/immigrant parents that their actions and behavior are hurtful, they often refuse to understand. You could literally explain that their actions and behavior are causing you pain whether mentally or physically. African/immigrant parents don't care or will say they've been through worse. It's not that they can't change because look at how immigrant parents present themselves in their communities. They want to keep up the best image and will contort themselves into a completely different person for others to maintain that image. Obviously, it depends on the parent so if it doesn't apply then let it fly. When it comes to the Western individualistic mindset, at some point you have to address your reality with a toxic immigrant parent. The choice is either to stay there and bear with the toxicity or leave. Some might see that as individualist but if someone is toxic and won't change, it's not healthy to stay there. Many immigrant parents want to keep their children away from the danger they experienced but they don't realise that they have become the danger themselves.
