10 Indicators That A Person Cannot Be Trusted 

Another indicator is when the person gossips. If the person is talking about someone else to you, chances are good he or she is talking about you to another person.

TRUST your intuition, your gut feeling.

When someone wants to know all about you, yet won't reciprocate. Very one-sided.

1. Superficial personal responses 2. Inability to learn from mistakes 3. Lots of unsolicited advice but don't receive input 4. Easily critical 5. Evasive about plans 6. Fair weather friends 7. Consistent inconsistency 8. Characterised by mismanagement of anger 9. Don't return kindness, empathy, tho' like to receive it 10. Like to talk about their successes but don't reveal or take responsibility for their failures.

“A friend cannot be known in prosperity: and an enemy cannot be hidden in adversity.”

They don’t value your time, only their own!

Sometimes a person's past can make a difference. If they have trusted the wrong person or people they become guarded. They are nice people but they have been hurt many times. Trust should be earned and not taken for granted.

I think if people have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, then part of the fallout is a lack of trust, which is due to the narcissist's gaslighting and predatorial behavior!

I find competitive people untrustworthy. They are constantly looking to one up or sabotage you. If they aren’t successful with that, then they degrade out of jealousy.

When someone has been misunderstood long enough, they figure out how to stop sharing personal information. It doesn't mean they are not trustworthy. It simply means they are learning who they feel safe to share with. Being evasive can be the same thing... they are trying not cause an explosion.

I don’t tell people my business. That’s how I am. And I don’t answer questions from strangers. If you are trying to get to know me by asking all kinds of questions about me, it isn’t going to go well. I hate when someone approaches me and tries to ask many personal questions. But when I turn it around on them and say “tell me about you” and ask them questions they are never comfortable with that. I don’t want to know anything you don’t want to tell me and I let people know me in degrees. It is best for me.

I've learned that you find out who your real friends are when moving

The indicators I look for are - are they a gossip - do they talk negatively about others? Because the minute your back is turned is the minute they are gossiping about you too. They don't own their own shortcomings but blame others for their own actions. They have a lot to say about what others aren't doing while sitting in the cheap seats doing a lot of nothing.

Some people are gossips and busybodies. My personal life, my plans, etc are none of their business. I found that they just want to know my business to get info for gossiping. When they press me for personal info, I shut them down by asking,”Why do you want to know?”

This sounds like every single person, that is why I mostly keep to myself and have zero expectations

People who cannot earn my trust are: 1# those who break their promises; 2# those who donot take responsibility for their behaviour and actions; 3# those who use goodness of others; 4# those who do others harm; 5# those who spread naughty lies about nice and good people with aim to hide their real nature Some of them are only immature and some of them are unfortunately narcissists. Dr. Carter, thanks for this up-coming interesting theme!

When people tell you who they are, believe them.

When someone shows you they are willing to break laws, they are not trustworthy. Thank them for showing you who they truly are, then RUN.

Being consistently gaslighted and invalidated is absolutely no bueno.

They never engage in full-on gossip but blurt-out nasty comments about other family members or "friends" and then carry on like nothing nasty was said. This is the red flag that I ignored.

Be guarded in all aspects of relationships ☺️ people are fickle.

It's important to not conflate a private personality with untrustworthiness. I'm an introvert who likes to hold his cards close to the best until I feel I can trust someone.

The Unsolicited advice one and the Critical ones are spot on! These people may seem wise and very helpful at first, but after a while you realize they don't have good intentions.

Just because someone doesn't want to share personal doesn't mean they are not trustworthy.

Trust no one.

sometimes they show up in a crisis with a hidden agenda, creating an obligation

Yes but couldn’t a person that’s been mistreated as a kid be hesitant to disclose a lot of their feelings for fear of being exploited, manipulated or abused again? It’s so confusing because a lot of behaviors are a result of being exposed to toxic people. Thanks Dr. C 🙏✌️

My X narcissist always answered a question I brought to him with a question ....so frustrating and twisted...a great way to avoid answering by changing the topic and redirecting the conversation. I did finally catch on to this tactic. I went grey rock without even knowing that was what I was doing. This saved my sanity and my life in the end.

Being private and not wanting to tell your business doesn’t mean you’re a snake in the grass

I realize why I always felt like I was in danger...I came from a family of untrustworthy people with the two main ones pretending to play the role of “parents “. My sister followed suit. My intuition was right and I always felt panicked around them and I was, in fact, put in dangerous situations when they forced me to follow their advice. You lose your “radar “ after awhile. I proceeded to get into a dangerous marriage and put myself in bad situations too. These lessons are invaluable for correcting bad parenting and learning to re-parent ourselves. Thank you.

I love the picture of the bear, that’s absolutely beautiful

This just reaffirmed my thoughts on one individual. A lady I know is very surface level. Superficial. Material things, money is a big thing with her and looks mainly name brands she loves. But it doesn't go much deeper than that. No real empathy ever shown. She is super friendly and at first seems like a nice person. But I've spent enough time to think otherwise. It's very Superficial niceness. I don't disclose much about myself to her because I had a feeling she wasn't trust worthy. She also gives unsolicited advice. I hate unsolicited advice. She told me one time that I should tell people everything about myself because then you get a lot of feedback. I think she was trying to get me to reveal things about myself but it didn't work. Nobody needs to know everything about me unless I feel the need to do so.

I've also been a victim of "foul weather friends". They come into your life when you have a problem and they want to empathize and help you solve it. However, they never reveal anything about themselves or let you help them with their troubles. Once your problem is "solved", they move on to the next person who needs their "help". You think you're making a friend when in reality you're just their current project.

These first examples seem to be indicative of a person protecting themselves from repeated exposure to narcissistic gossipy, people wanting to get information to control you.

After many years of marriage I quit talking about most of my feelings because my husband would use all info as ammunition during any argument. He of course became empty too as he did more and more of that which he did not wish me to know about. We divorced. This talk is also about the loss of trust in a marriage as these steps you go through happen in slow motion over years.

Trust is built upon openness, honesty, accountability, self-disclosure.

My entire childhood family can’t be trusted and I have some issues being trustworthy (according to this video) I’m here to work on this! Thank you Dr.! I need to teach my children healthy relationship by being a good example.

Among many untrustworthy people, there are a few worthy of trust. I want to be a trustworthy person with dignity. Thank you always for your advice, Dr. Carter!

Ten, huh? Well, there’s one thing that’s a dealbreaker for me now. If they lie. Can’t wait to learn the other nine.

Dr Carter you and Gus are a breath of fresh air in this world full of narcissists, unkindness, trauma and tragedy.

The words that woke me came out of the mouth of the narcissist that had abused me for a lifetime. He said nonchalantly and conversationally, “you’ve always wanted to be me.” To say that it blew me away is an understatement but at that moment it woke me and set me free. I’ve been recovering since that day.

It is annoying when people at work ask how your weekend was and expect you to give a decent answer. It is work time and not random chit chat time. Also can be friendly but need to maintain professional boundaries. With close friends I do enjoy this question and outside of work time. Also not being open about what you have been upto can also be a self esteem thing - if you don’t think people will find it interesting or weren’t asking genuinely. In NZ asking someone how they are and what they have been upto is a pleasantry and it’s awkward if someone throws a curveball and says “I’m not doing well and this is what I did with my time”. Average answer is along the lines of “Good and nothing much”.

Being superficial with personal disclosures or being evasive about personal plans wouldn't be a red flag in a professional environment where you want to keep things surface level and not personal. But definitely red flags if it's meant to be a personal relationship. The only other point I want to make is that depression, anxiety, and past traumatic experiences can cause someone to become consistently inconsistent, but that can change as they learn to manage/cope/heal their condition/issues. So some of these things are not necessarily red flags, but if you see a lot of them in the same person? Back away slowly.....

they lie, or don't respond to direct questions with direct answers; they change the subject (deflect), shift blame, act aggrieved or deny/play dumb/stonewall. they don't look you in the eyes (and they are not autistic). One I am very familiar with is that they make "suggestions", or "imply" things without saying what they mean explicitly, aka guessing games. I'm not sure how many that adds up to, but I am too familiar with those indicators. Also - if they've lied, stolen, cheated in the past (more than a white lie) - they definitely can not be trusted!

Often we do not notice any of these signs when being in a relationship with someone But how they behave towards others can tell you a lot about them Look at how they treat waiters at restaurants, how they empathize with poor or sick people, how they treat their employees, how they treat children and elders Don't convince yourself they will be always good to you even if they treat other people badly Sooner or later they can say/do to you all the same nasty things they say/do to others

There are two kinds of people in the arena of conversation: complainers seeking problems and people seeking solutions. Those seeking solutions will listen to you. Those complainers are not looking for solutions. Everything is divided into two things: the make wrong people and the validators. The make wrong people don’t look for solutions. The validators are those who seek solutions. Then there are those people who like and dislike you. Those who like you care deeply and have a tendency to listen to you and validate what you speak of. Those who don’t like you will always find something wrong and anything you say will not resonate with you or them. The simple things I keep in mind is what I learned in scripture. Otherwise it just turns into verbal olympics. “ How can two walk together if they are not agreed?” A cat will never bark and a dog will never meow and a leopard doesn’t change his spots. With those people you have to make a determination as to whether it’s worth the time to engage in meaningful conversation that will either build a relationship or just be a “just passing through” type of relationship.

Appropriate intimacy. Reciprocity. Love your bullet points. DRC.

I had to stop predicting or agreeing to things. Life has become uncertain, unpredictable, and subject to the projections of others. It is a very difficult time. The "haves" really don't understand the "have nots". I am not certain that I can trust like I used to. I could give examples.......

Thank you dr Carter. There are people who can not be trusted, they only exploit others and they must be avoided but sometimes they just will not leave you alone as they feel entitled to do whatever they find expedient. You feel like a prey they are eating alive and marvelling at the process. Terrible!

All school institutions should be teaching these truths! Thank you Dr C very, very helpful!

Yes. He never makes mistakes. It's always everyone else's fault. I know now when someone has no friends and family It's a big red flag.

You always have the best topics/content.

I'm on the fence about someone being too personal. I myself at times doesn't know what immediate plans I'll be having on the weekend. So my answer is usually the same I don't know.

It is amazing how many people sadly have this level of/in almost every relationship. When I meet "real" people, people who are exactly like they are, I hold on tightly to those friendships and relatives and have for decades! I can count exactly how many of those trustworthy relationships I cherish. Thank you for this video Dr. Carter.

Crisis does reveal character....that's the one I notice the most. I'm so glad I found your videos. Thank you!

Abusers don't interact or share anything they take lie cheat bully and want to waste your time and attention to them.give it to yourself.give self time.investment.learning and listening to your inner ear.your voice.not an abuser drowns it out.all the vest to you all and Dr led and yours.happy independence day pending.

Regardless of my understanding and love for humanity, it still surprises me. Plus, I work in Behavioral Health at a military medical Center.

Straight into the rude angry, ranting bs is the real cue. They ALWAYS have an opinion about everyone and everything and blame every wrong done to them by all others!!! Really the whole world

I learned the hard way, when people show you their sleeve believe them. All these videos are so helpful, many thanks Dr.C !! You're the Best 💓

No. 6 is debatable and highly dependent on individual situations. Contrary to what you suggested; there are many people who will deliberately show up ONLY when you’re in a difficult situation just to quietly celebrate your suffering as a way to make themselves feel better about their own screwed up lives. These people can also be predatory opportunists seeking to exploit your PERCEIVED vulnerabilities and they often thrive on Schadenfreude. Something to be aware of when people flock to “help you”

Openness in general was a problem with my ex. I really didn't know who he was on the inside. It's difficult to trust someone then. Also, a quarrel was an immediate reason to end the relationship. Nothing was deeply discussed. No interest in my feelings.

Coached junior soccer for years a very small number of parents could cause grief by constantly fighting with referree's , demanding their child play certain positions all the time even if kids are rotated,backstabbing,complaining etc . I became skilled at picking them early could usually tell in the first minute of meeting them and could let them go before final cut when building a team.

For those who have been through a narcisistic relationship, some of this won't be exactly on the mark within that situation. One of the key signs for someone who has that trait is a VERY high interest in learning all about you, every detail possible and seem like they are very open and a great listener. But they are just gathering ammo for future conversations and it will absolutely be used against you. So I'm much more cautious now before sharing deeply personal things until there is some evidence of a trustworthy and balanced individual.

LOVE YOU Dr. Carter! ❤️ Thank You. Have a Blessed 4th. 🙏🏼🇺🇸❤️

Sometimes you cant open up to people about things . One time I was in a bible talk group setting and when the older couple who were leading the group asked us to open up about a topic in our church. So I freely opened up because I trusted this older couple who were leading the group. After the discussion was over she stands up and walks in front of me and my friend and said that he is more spiritual than me. I was like wow never again will I be vulnerable to this group. Im still in the group but Im being very discreet about anything which is very sad . I do open up but to people that i could trust. Sometimes opening up to manipulated people could do more harm than good.

Excellent validation of my instincts. I've noticed you can't trust people who don't trust people also. They just can't imagine others doing and or saying the right thing, the truth.

My God! All 4 of those type of people are all around me! They are not the type of people I want in my life, it's sometimes like I'm a magnet for them. This is why I chose to back away from all people, I don't have the time to waist on them and I can't tell who's who without time. They want me to be who they want me to be. I spent many years with that. They're never satisfied, even if you change.

"Routine mismanagement of anger." Spot on! 0-11 in 5 seconds? Yup, problematic!

The trouble is, I’ve known people who come around when you’ve got a problem because they simply want to know what is going on! They’re nosey about your life, but won’t allow you to know about their life! And once you’ve told them what they want to know, you don’t see them again until the next time they’re being nosey!!!! 🙏🙏🙏

I am grateful for you Dr. C. Thank you for teaching us how we may navigate difficult relationship dynamics while preserving, or repairing, our personal dignity. You are one of my top Spiritual and Mental mentors. Sending Love and Hugs to you and our Dr. C family of seekers here. 🥰🤗🦋🧘💞😃😊

I hope you know just how INCREDIABLY helpful you are!!!! Videos like this not only have saved my life but helping me learn how to finally enjoy my life after 44 years!!!!! Ty from the bottom of my heart 😃

Dr. C., # 6. OK, let's keep things shallow, I'm catching on. PRICELESS! Thank you for bringing understanding to the vagueness. That clears up ALOT! Then. 🙁 Now. ☺

I just saw a video yesterday about the MRI of people who have childhood post-traumatic stress syndrome which showed their brains are triggered by the stress of getting ready. The emotional side of their brain gets more active and the rational part gets less active. That's why they are chronically LATE.

Inconsistency, evasiveness, fair-weather friends - 💯 toxic behaviors

I have a dear old friend I just recently ran into after 30 years. She did really well and made a good life for herself. Part of her job was being in HR and I often felt like I was being interviewed by her when we were talking. But I noticed she didn't say much about herself. She is a good person, I feel like I can trust her but she has a lot of the traits you have discussed. Maybe she's just smart and learned how to button up. What you don't say can't hurt you. I'm a waterfall and an open book, I could probably learn a little something from her😬😁 but I do know what you mean on the other hand I had a friend that said, " you know I don't like to explain myself ". Just before he remarried his ex-wife who I didn't even know he even liked again although my "Spidey Sense" somewhere knew. Now that there is untrustworthy. That situation was probably one of the most painful things I've ever gone through with someone but it has turned out to be one of the biggest lessons. I was too naive, I didn't open my eyes when it came to people, trust me, my eyes are wide open now.

I had a boyfriend and I didn't trust him. I went to counseling and discovered that people do need privacy. The trust issue was mine.

"Crisis reveals character" hell yeah! And the people who step up to the plate, are willing to listen and support, are often not the ones you thought would be there. Its an eye opener.

Great points thank you😊Sounds like traits of the narcissist. People get defensive when that word comes up but that mental illness is so prevalent today😐

I started to feel sick thinking back throughout my life and the controllers and I feel like I constantly have to remind myself my feelings are my own and I hear my No , but the narcissist doesn’t hear No if they don’t want to at all My body , my choice No means No

I love the content in your videos. You're the father figure we should have as we grow up.

I can't even count the number of times that somebody has yelled at me about their faults when what they are doing is putting their problems on me. There are lots of people that keep having the same failures but never learn.

Thank You Dr. Carter. I think it could benefit a person to take a closer of themself. I'm 75 years old and I am certainly open to taking a closer look at who I thought I was and who I am. I also enjoying reading comments from your readers

Dr. Carter, I looove the topics you have been addressing recently. The podcast on narcissism also helped, but once the narcissist is gone, I found one needs further help to navigate life successfully. So, thank you!

“And the food is good 😂! I got a good laugh from your comment, Dr. Carter. You took the sting out of a situation that doesn’t deserve my compassion. Thank you for always sharing more than you commit yourself to. God bless you.

I have really been enjoying, the recent videos that have a heavy focus on behavior.

The only way to know know without DOUBT is to test that individual or let experience speak to you!!!

Wonderful video. Testing by your own gauge! Love it. It’s the inner man that we through trust and being trusted that brings true fellowship and unity. Like a child’s trust. Awesome!!

Lying. To me. Manipulating, stealing, and looking past people because they count. Even when a person looks dead bang wrong, are we jumping on them? Empathy. Somebody with a good heart I'll go with every time.

Hmmm, I think there are a LOT of exceptions to these "rules". Maybe this "untrustworthy" person is actually quite trustworthy, but because of the acts they suffered from the untrustworthy people in their lives they are now very guarded with what they trust others with. 🤔 Also, because of human imperfection, we can all do something in our lives that might make even the person we trusted most, do something that feels to us like they have broken our trust. "Trustworthy" most often is a relative and ambiguous term, and a deeper "look" into each individual is needed to make a "judgement", and more wise decision as to what we might want to trust them with.

Another great video with specificity to really observe others. Thank you for your commitment to those who seek peace.

When narcissists ask you what you are doing next weekend, they take your I dont know as a free access to your time. Of course they have no right to dictate what you do next weekend, not even declare they will come hang out with you. It is nobodys business what you do next weekend but yours. I try avoid saying I dont know, but I often dont make plans. You know your narcissists, if they still are allowed around you, you decide the allowing. It is just creepy with the pushyness, the invasiveness, the sudden plans, the sudden ditchings, the sudden narc mood changes, weekend with narcs or waiting for narcs, can be more stressful than workdays. Not a moment of peace and freedom. You do not need those jazzed up people in your life. A good book. Birds singing in the trees. Alone. That's peace.

What about people who never phone you, never email or text, and they want you to call them all the time and even get nasty when you don't call them!!

Listening to what is being said and not said is key. Red flag is when you can tell the other person is not valuing you or any insight or information you bring to a conversation. First conversation to express what you’ve noticed, feel, and then gauge if they understand your perspective and the response is all about how they feel? Then suddenly end the friendship and block you instead of having that conversation? Did they only enter my life so I could support them, or until you catch on, that this is not a genuine two way considerate relationship/ friendship? Healthy people that value you as well can have those conversations. And see from someone else’s perspective and usually communicate to keep things healthy for both sides.

I was surprised there was not a #11 that addressed talking about others when they are not present. This is my strongest red flag in relationships. I am hyper-empathic, and I feel personally betrayed when someone talks to me about a person who is not present. I just learned that 65 to 80 percent of people do this. Is it mistaken to take this behavior as an indication that a person is untrustworthy, if so many people do it?

People with nothing to hide hide nothing.

I think "evasiveness" can be self-preserving at times. It's NOT everyone and anyone's business what I'm doing at any or all times. Sometimes people are not deserving of knowing your every move - depending on the relationship. If my sibling asks me what I'm doing this weekend, I'd answer. If a nosy coworker asks, I would probably say very little if anything. People who are overly trusting themselves and tell everyone their business are not necessarily trustworthy either. If you overshare you business with me, I assume whatever I might tell you - you will go and tell others! Everything in moderation. A lot of people are more private BECAUSE they've learned to be - usually because someone (or many someones) has/have betrayed their openness in the past. Anyone who has been hurt or harmed is going to be less open with people in the future - which is smart! Also, anyone on the Autistic spectrum or possibly depressive people, or other psychological anomalies may seem evasive or private but that doesn't automatically = untrustworthiness.

Fair weather friends 💯 Dr. C, especially parasitic type of relationships… we are friends when it benefits me type of mentality. People are not tools in a toolbox to pick up when you need a particular thing. I’d also add someone who smiles ALL the time, even when it’s not appropriate. Another trait I’ve noticed is fence riders; those who would rather everyone like them instead of having an objective opinion and loyalty. There is a quote I like that says, those who stand for everything stand for nothing. This video is great for those of us who are learning to trust again after being severely scorned. Thank you!

That’s the $64,000 question we need to ask ourselves tho isn’t it? Like with everyone we’ve ever known or met. “HOW FAR can I trust this person?” The idea that we somehow have to trust people so fully and implicitly at first sight. Just right away or else we are just some kind of antisocial jerk. If we don’t always extend this kind of benefit of the doubt then we can be accused of things like not being friendly or just hating people or being socially backwards or paranoid etc. Not even knowing that it’s ok to make others earn that trust. And that we really SHOULD make people earn trust with us. A person growing up in such abuse doesn’t even realize they can actually choose HOW FAR to go with anyone and everyone. It was a learning curve for me to just know I had all these “how far?” options. That I could mete things out little by little with people if I so chose. Or I could walk away or not share at all with some. That I was not at all obliged to be like this open book with everyone right away or just HAVE to trust them as if it was this kind of debt I somehow “owed” all of humanity. And abusers are very keen on all this “you can trust me” kind of BS. I’d say the number one thing is those folks who verbalize it a lot like that (like look at me...I’m so trustworthy etc) and those who get upset when you won’t just be an open book with them. Screw that. Lol. It was the day I learned how all my obligatory oversharing and all this extending so much benefit of the doubt to so many folks was really a trauma response to all the abuse I was raised in. We also do not “owe” anyone all this “benefit of the doubt” stuff either. Screw that too. Lol. So if I hold back and I go very slow with folks, I have far better odds of seeing who I can trust and who I can’t trust. It’s better to get your toe bit that to find yourself shark bit in the abdomen. Bcuz dipping my toe in and testing the waters first makes a lot more sense than diving in whole hog right away when I don’t really yet know what’s all up in the water. Plus stopping all that ignoring of my gut when it goes off like “you really can’t trust this person tho.” Plus we might often get accused of “judging” someone else. Idc tho. One really HAS to judge everyone they come across tho or else you just become someone else’s prey or the odds go way up that a shark will take advantage of your false guilt for not “judging” them. Plus who doesn’t judge? We also are being judged (often too harshly) by others as well. So it’s not like we are the only humans who have ever judged anyone in our own minds. And for me my mind is off limits. I have a right to choose what goes on in there and nobody should be telling me what or how to think in my own head. I’ll “judge” all I want to up in my own head Bcuz that is my only sacred space really. And fact is that abusers love to call this “judging” when really it is just discernment. It seems odd now to go on and on like this but I guess being raised in such a narc vortex like that makes it rather necessary to put such things on repeat until they finally sink in for me and to split the smallest of hairs with it and get the utmost clarity on the subject as is humanly possible. Plus trusting the wrong folks all the time too much erodes our own self trust as well. I finally got very much ok with the idea that I really don’t HAVE to trust just anyone and that they are never just “owed” this sort of thing from me and if they don’t like it, well tough titties then. Lol.

Why does it seem like this just described just about everyone I know in one way or another. Due to these behaviors in the people around me, I've almost lost all faith in humanity itself

Excellent, Dr. C! Thank you. I was particularly struck by the unsolicited advice portion. I find people who give unsolicited advice to YOU and expect you to follow it but don't follow the same advice for THEMSELVES are not trustworthy.