10 Signs That A Narcissist Is Not Very Bright

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Narcissists want you to believe that they are the standard bearers for the way life should be. Dr. Les Carter begs to differ, revealing many ways they are not very bright. You can't allow their lack of insight to be a main driver in your emotional and relational responses.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RU-vid channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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15 окт 2024

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@colincalmstorm 3 месяца назад

Narcissists also intentionally apply stupidity to evade responsibility / accountability.

@StillAwakeAwareDiscerning 3 месяца назад

Absolutely, they put the red clothes in with the white clothes so that when everything turns pink you won't ask them to do laundry again.

@morgainnejade 3 месяца назад

Weaponized incompetence.

@kimbohaze1382 3 месяца назад

Oh my goodness! I thought I was the only one who felt this way. The narcissist in my family, even though they are "tight as the bark on a tree," will tear up expensive farm machinery just to get out of work. Lazy doesn't even begin to describe this woman!

@kimbohaze1382 3 месяца назад

@@StillAwakeAwareDiscerning Yes! Exactly!!!!

@happyday3368 3 месяца назад

@colincalmstorm - I believe you are right. I remember thinking, "Is this person really 'that' dumb/unsophisticated". It's as if this person missed that memo of 'social niceties' at the very least.

@justmemother2 3 месяца назад

They show their stupidity by behaving in ways that can cost them their entire family, and do it anyway.

@thecustodian1023 2 месяца назад

Ah, you have met the two in my life.

@ntchurchoffreethought6163 2 месяца назад

Their sense of self-importance takes priority over everything else including their family and children.

@kevingillard5474 2 месяца назад

Just how much more could they get away with if they had a humane minimal level of empathy and compassion. They lose longterm dollars chasing short term nickels and dimes.

@heidiuridge1584 2 месяца назад

Yes 👍

@rg-mi5hh 2 месяца назад

They never learn from their mistakes because they think they are always right.

@yukio_saito 2 месяца назад

Exactly. 💯

@thecustodian1023 2 месяца назад

That is because they are never wrong. They always have someone lined up to take the blame and fall for anything they do that doesn't go right.

@BushcraftQuebec 2 месяца назад

Admitting they are wrong just means. They are cornered . And when they do it again they make a case about you being impatient or angry when they keep repeating the same mistakes and blaming you for being a bad temper individual

@thecustodian1023 2 месяца назад

@@BushcraftQuebec It's very frustrating being perfect when you cant convince anyone of it through your words or your actions or word of mouth. 😁

@promo130 2 месяца назад

No, its cause they cant self reflect

@davashorb6116 3 месяца назад

Low emotional intelligence, no healthy curiosity, willful ignorance, intentional helplessness, contempt prior to investigation.

@bereal6590 2 месяца назад

I'd agree with this. Not a single one that I know has a decent eq nor any curiosity about anyone else. My mother tells me she loves je, she doesn't even know me! That's superfluous to her needs so she ignores that idea completely

@vickit3124 2 месяца назад

Yes to all that 👏

@bearbernard6510 2 месяца назад

Perceptually entitled victims, at a temperamental toddler level.

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

They think they are empathic by being clever with words, but actions speak louder!!!

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@amandaliverpool3374 They even think they are the most empathic person on this planet, when in fact they just use some dark empathy to manipulate you into the ground. This sucks.

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

@roxymovie3938 Yes, it does!

@happyday3368 3 месяца назад

Right? They call themselves an "empath" but they are anything but. Actions do speak louder than words, inaction speaks louder than that. All day.

@everymomentisagift 2 месяца назад

Yes that's so true!!

@WoundedWarrior77 2 месяца назад

I’d like to know the percentage of narcissists that call themselves an empath.

@carmenm.9522 3 месяца назад

Their temper tantrums are embarrassing …….

@SierraNovemberKilo 2 месяца назад

Yes. And when you can be there and not be embarrassed on their behalf you know you're on the healthy road.

@taraarrington2285 2 месяца назад

Reminds me of ex stepfather. He would have complete toddler meltdowns.

@Emalbertx Месяц назад

So embarrassing.. first time was in a parking lot. I remember questioning myself during it thinking what the hell am I doing right now 🫠

@sgueymard 2 месяца назад

Finally! A specialist who says narcissists are NOT that bright! They think we're stupid! That's different!

@beaulieuc8910 2 месяца назад

exactly, they maybe bright some ways, but in others they are absolutely reckless

@Toshineko 3 месяца назад

Narcissists seem to think that they're the smartest people in the world, due to their master manipulation skills. But the one who's truly the smartest is the one who possesses intelligence, compassion AND empathy. And given that narcissists typically lack empathy and compassion, then it's no wonder why victims decided to leave them.

@francesbernard2445 2 месяца назад

Yes. They demand empathy and compassion from others always including from their infant children (legal age of infancy is up to age eight) while having very little real empathy and real compassion for those living with them.

@irinaivanovic9792 7 дней назад

💯 truth!

@heathermixson1265 3 месяца назад

In other words, they are high on the spectrum of lacking complete common sense

@visaormastercard 2 месяца назад

Hahahaha 😅😂

@wildhorses6817 2 месяца назад

It is INTENTIONAL and Hurtful.

@Nat-oj2uc 2 месяца назад

Nice way to call them delusional

@happyday3368 2 месяца назад

LOL - yeah that and insight! Or are they one in the same?

@jbw3118 2 месяца назад

Also in my opinion, they are low IQ in everything.

@Shelley-j2y 3 месяца назад

Their elevator doesn't go to the top floor. That says so much.

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Probably only goes up one but they didn’t know that walking was probably faster

@carrielynnhoward4599 3 месяца назад

I laughed so hard. 😂

@sarahgilmore9990 3 месяца назад

@@carrielynnhoward4599 So did I! Kinda like an elevator that gets stuck between floors.

@barbarahall5514 2 месяца назад

And the light ain’t on….(Joe Biden son and wife…)

@happyday3368 2 месяца назад

A good friend of mine used to say, "Yeah - that one is one french fry short of a Happy Meal" - she had such a good way with words - LOL!

@Mike-kj4gx 2 месяца назад

They lie when they don't have to

@robbiewooden5067 20 дней назад

Big liars.

@tenningale 3 месяца назад

They're know-it-alls and pretend to have insights they don't.

@richardmeyer1837 3 месяца назад

Thank You ! Yes

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Not playing with a full deck 🤦‍♀️ but lots of jokers

@visaormastercard 2 месяца назад

@@caroleminke6116hahahaha 😂

@visaormastercard 2 месяца назад

They really get me saying they're empathetic.😒

@robbiewooden5067 2 месяца назад

Yes

@maraemartinae5772 2 месяца назад

They have no kindness or joy to share. Holidays and vacations are the worst. My ex tried to ruin everything. I stupidly thought our 10th anniversary was going to be special and bought him special gifts and planned a nice dinner for him only to have him not even acknowledge the day. I was so sad it took me a week to ask him why. ( He couldn’t forget because we got married on a national holiday.) He said I called him when he was shopping for a gift the week before, so he got mad and left the store. There were so many disappointments and missed opportunities for happiness. I’m getting ready to celebrate the fifth anniversary of our divorce with more enthusiasm and joy than anything I ever celebrated with him. The air is cleaner, colors are brighter,I laugh easily and look forward to every day with a light heart.

@anneriffe2886 2 месяца назад

What if you can't leave?

@margareth1504 2 месяца назад

@@anneriffe2886keep practicing to love you first every day. If you dont know what that is, do something you love to do, something you can keep being drawn towards to do. Narcissists get jealous of it, so manage it best you can. I used to plant flowers amongst the weeds so he didnt notice they were there. Gradually thinned a few weeds out here are there so some flowers could grow better. Knowing or seeing plants being tended to, seemed to be a trigger and I found later my plant would be broken or squashed and bent over about an inch up the main stem. The plant would have been healthy up to a point then very slowly it would seem sad and wilt and die very slowly as the main stem was damage. Took me a while to work out he was doing that. Saw the way he looked at me, when I watered those beans. I knew from that look, he was thinking to destroy those plants. A day later, 3 out of 4 bean plants were all squeezed at the low stem point and kinked or bent over, and the leaves suffer and the plant goes backwards. Found out my best garden time is always when he wasnt there to see it. Focus on your goodness, and eventually it will help you out of there ❤ Do something to do with your interests. And dont include the problem person in it at all.

@joannbates8037 2 месяца назад

@@anneriffe2886you learn to dissociate.

@JiniJinJin-pk3pb 2 месяца назад

@maraemartinae5772 I know this pattern very well. Every birthday and holiday are more disappointing than the last. And the "I was at the store buying your gift and you made me mad so I didn't get you anything"..... "it's your fault we couldn't have a nice anniversary ".... it's such a let down every time.

@marcirobins5144 3 месяца назад

They are extremely performative.

@rwdchannel2901 2 месяца назад

When I was a child I remember going to church and my grandmother was putting on the sweet old lady act with some strangers after the service. I was looking at her thinking 'I wish she would behave that way when we get home' because right when she got home she was back to normal grumpy old lady.

@barbarakelly1916 2 месяца назад

Often, they love drama and create it. Adrenalin rush!

@CS-rx7sf 3 месяца назад

Sign number 5. A narc called me an “angry person” as they were speaking very harshly and angrily to me. Anger is the blood flowing through their veins. They have no awareness.

@okie-kan9240 3 месяца назад

I think stupidity with lack of charm, is what separates them from the psychopaths.

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

True, Psychopaths are cunning and deliberate.

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

1. Lots of criticism, expecting it to motivate you to change 2. Haughty superiority with you in the role of underling 3. Unruly anger, no appriciation for its destruction 4. Lack of attention on special days 5. Yelling when they say they aren't yelling 6. Blaming you for erroneous, egrigious behaviour 7. Grooming others, faulting you for calling them out 8. Pattern of lying because they deem it necessary 9. Absurdly defensive while accusing you of being close minded 10. Lame excuses with expection of it being done Be aware: 》This is consistent with many other ingredients, like self-impressed, poorly informed etc. 》They are repeatedly subversive 》Your insights will be lost on that person 》There is no need to join with one who brings you down 》Stay superficial, they are not for your inner circle Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

Thanks, Roxy!!

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism You are very welcome, Dr Carter.

@kelly450 3 месяца назад

They EXPECT & THINK that they are ENTITLED & DESERVE to have you be SUBMISSIVE & PASSIVE & when you are NOT they will RAGE!! They are LIARS, LOSERS, USERS & ABUSERS...👹

@everymomentisagift 2 месяца назад

I really appreciate the reminder that it's best to keep on a superficial level and not in our inner circle. 💯 (this one is hard for me as I like heart to heart talks and need to protect myself from people like this)

@roxymovie3938 2 месяца назад

@@everymomentisagift You are very welcome. And I can really relate what you are saying, which makes it difficult to protect ourselves because we do not like superficiality in general and so we need in fact a double reminder or even more.

@honeygoy2224 3 месяца назад

I think narcissist parents and siblings know that you're smarter than them too because they got to see you grow up. That's when they started hitting me on the head a lot. It did affect me, but I'm still smarter than them. I was forced to believe that they are smarter than me all of my life, and that's enough to make me want to throw up when I saw the incredible feats of stupidity and sabotage they have no problem doing. There's 15 of them in the immediate NFOO. 9 years No Contact and going strong. I never could have healed being in contact. They were killing me. Stay strong everybody.

@jorgeluiscapiello414 2 месяца назад

They think they know everything so they don't need to learn anything.

@mommaboombam3764 3 месяца назад

It's not what you know, it's not what you say; it's your behavior that matters. People will show you who they are by their behaviors. Character matters, your wisdom tells you so. Peace to all.

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

You make sense.

@mommaboombam3764 3 месяца назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr. Carter for wanting to help others. You are a man of character.

@carparthero 3 месяца назад

a lion doesn't have to announce to a mouse or sheep who he is, because he is confident in himself. narcissists, no matter how much external validation they get, it's never enough. ironically, the narcissist's insecurities and jealousies, will scream louder than an ambulance siren lol. in turn, all the things they fear happening (such as discovery, exposure and abandonment) eventually become self fulfilling prophecies. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@carparthero Steven, I really like your analogy's, especially the one with the sirene 🤣🤣 and so true!!!

@wadesnyder6871 3 месяца назад

Spot on cheers usa

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Death & taxes… narcissists try to evade both till the bitter end! In hindsight the final 3 years my father spent blind as well as flat on his back in a beautiful VA home in Vermont were the best of his whole life. A year after he died I gave his favorite aide a gift card with thanx from his daughters because she was able to handle him when we were done in ❤️‍🩹

@carparthero 2 месяца назад

@@roxymovie3938 thanks for your kind words. you are also the person that does the summaries of dr. c's videos. really appreciate what you do as well. -cheers, steven

@michaelangeline9726 2 месяца назад

@@carparthero well said.

@kelly450 2 месяца назад

Just because they "rot" from the inside DOES NOT mean that WE have to...

@VAL30007 3 месяца назад

I’ve had narcissistic family members actually accuse me of yelling when I was just talking in a normal voice so they can shut me up because they felt threatened when I would talk even when I wasn’t being as defensive.

@shobhnakapoor1399 2 месяца назад

My sister used to say I talked too loud at the dinner table. She actually talked louder.than me and spoke 80% of the time. They want to shut you down and silence you and criticize you so you feel.worthless...

@SaraH-ng5qw 3 месяца назад

The man I’m divorcing after 22yrs together and 18yrs of marriage thought I was too dumb to manage our household when he left. Not only am I managing, I’m improving it and our lives. As it turns out, when I don’t have someone living here that tries to make everything I do more difficult, I flourish. Grass is cut, pool is clean, house is clean, bathroom remodel continues, and raising new pup I got for our sons he refused to consider. My family comes around more because the tension is gone since he had contempt for them too. Not even 6 months later I see just how wrong he was and how much I can thrive without his constant and unnecessary criticism and contempt. There are days it still hurts since we’ve been together half of our lives and all of our adult lives practically. But the freedom to flourish and not walk on eggshells in misery is amazing. Just because I have humility and don’t feel the need to show everyone my superiority doesn’t mean that I’m inferior. In some ways, glad he underestimated me and gave me motivation to thrive without him.

@bridget9432 2 месяца назад

I praise God for your life.🙏🏾

@susanbennetttellstales7998 2 месяца назад

Best wishes. I hope you continue to thrive - of course you will.

@mandyjames8211 2 месяца назад

Amazing - i have reached a point where I am now thankful he unmasked when he did, and in the way he did. If he hadn't I could still be struggling away at our relationship wasting more years - absolute relief for the freedom 😅❤

@sarahstrong7174 2 месяца назад

It does really puzzle me sometimes how they just do not seem to see their own behaviour. I don't think I have got my head around that yet.

@MarianneCatherine 2 месяца назад

They're oblivious and not self-aware. It is a puzzler because, in a rage, they can spew out everything they think you are, and it's actually who they are!!! Projection on full display!!!😮😢🙄

@promo130 2 месяца назад

Its cause your not dealing with a human, you think you talk to them, but there is nobody there, the narc is a blackhole inside. The narc makes an internal object of you in his mind , you are the external object, you dont exist for the narc. He doesnt speak to you but to the internal object he made of you in his mind

@Ivar-V 2 месяца назад

So, there’s this saying “ Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” Many narcissists would have you believe this. Playing dumb goes along with playing the victim. Often with these sorts the stupidity originates in the malice.

@spacegirl226 3 месяца назад

Growing up I considered my old man the "safer" parent. He didn't yell at me the way my mother always did when she was upset about something. I moved away from 'home' for a decade and then had to return when my 'marriage' failed. Then I really got to know my old man after I came back. I was in counseling and watching YT channels like this, so I knew what had happened to me and who the culprits were. One day I was trying to talk to my dad about what had happened in my life with him not standing up to my mother and not protecting my brother and me from her fury. Trying to talk to him about it was pointless because he believed he was made of Teflon. Nothing was his fault, and then the gaslighting came in about how what happened to me was just my opinion and that things didn't happen the way I said they did. It smashed me in the face like a 2x4: my dad is stupid. He wasn't the safer parent because he wasn't yelling at me -- he didn't care I existed. He neglected his family and his children. He was a perpetrator. He was an enabler. He is a coward. He has everyone fooled the same way my covert mother does. I was disappointed to learn the truth, but I understood completely and puzzle pieces fell into place. And the understanding of all this hurts. My mother is guilty of doing all these things, and my old man does many as well. The "stop shouting" part -- that's my mother 100%. I'm finally wise enough that I walk away when she starts shouting; I don't have to stand there and be abused anymore. Fantastic video today, Dr. C. I am grateful for the validation. It's not me. I'm blamed for it, but it's not me. Hang in there, survivors. It's not you either. Fist bumps to all of you today.

@katherinesmith9130 2 месяца назад

They don't know how to have a conversation without raising their voice ,even if they aren't angry.

@kelly450 2 месяца назад

They don't communicate equally person-to-person like a "human being" instead they SHOUT, YELL, SCREAM & YELL ORDER'S as if they are THE AUTHORITY When in fact they are NOT...!

@irinaivanovic9792 7 дней назад

Omg that was my ex boyfriend to a tee! He used to use the excuse of being Cuban.🙄😒 🤦🏼‍♀️ NO. That’s not how this works! No matter how many times I told him this was NOT OK with me he continued to cross my boundaries and disrespected me SO many times verbally. It was disgusting behavior.

@kwiklip 3 месяца назад

The absolute best part of this concept is imagining how torqued off my narcissist would be to hear someone call him "not very bright". It makes me giggle to imagine it. Thank you for this. It made me smile in the midst of difficulties. 😊

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Mine was always afraid of being called stupid but thankfully though I never did, Dr C can ♥️

@rwdchannel2901 2 месяца назад

When I was 10 years old my narcissistic mother was being fake and telling me 'You're so smart' and I said back to her 'Am I smarter than you?' She got so upset at me that she told me I'll never be smarter than her and to go to my room. After days of her giving me the silent treatment I apologized to her. Imagine a 35 year-old woman doing that to a 10 year-old boy. Now that I'm 43 years-old, I'm thinking she was just a child in the body of an adult. If a kid said that to me, I would say 'Maybe' and laugh.

@BaraSchmidt 3 месяца назад

They are not that bright because they keep throwing all the lightbulbs down for us to walk on! Stay Healthy!

@aaronkwolfe 3 месяца назад

Someone broke into my house and stole all my lightbulbs. You'd think I'd be upset, but I was actually delighted.

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

That's what the lighting bug said after backing into a fan.

@sturobertson6791 3 месяца назад

@@aaronkwolfe Hi Aaron. Delighted🤣 That's brilliant (or it was before you were delighted)

@BaraSchmidt 3 месяца назад

@@sturobertson6791 😅

@sturobertson6791 3 месяца назад

@@aaronkwolfe Like the pig who lost his voice. Wasn't too annoyed, just a little disgruntled

@aaronkwolfe 3 месяца назад

What isn’t very bright is having identical tactics and schemes, despite the era, location, or situation.

@wakeupordie 3 месяца назад

EXACTLY. Its like they are a part of a hive mind or a corrupt AI program that's running, Agent Smiths.

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Or individual ❤️‍🩹

@kellyallison3548 3 месяца назад

It is one entity controlling them. The silent side of their brain has been taken over

@happyday3368 2 месяца назад

EXACTLY! It's as if all of us are looking over the others shoulder's and thinking, "Yep - that exact thing just happened to me - they are playing out of the same playbook".

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 3 месяца назад

I can’t stop laughing 😆 😂dr Carter! You’re a genius ❤ their elevator doesn’t go to the top floor, they’re not operating with a full deck of cards, lunatics and basically not that bright!😂 it is the truth about the narcissist. You can’t reason with an unreasonable person. Once you realise the fact that you can’t let an unsafe person such as the narcissist rule and overtake your life, you start setting yourself free from their grip. It’s been six years of a constant uphill battle on all possible fronts for me. An Armageddon kind of an experience. I don’t know what I would’ve done without your support and assistance dr Carter ❤ thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️ God bless you ❤

@wakeupordie 3 месяца назад

This is gonna be good.....I can feel it in my bones....

@Hatbox948 3 месяца назад

Can't wait!

@MarianneCatherine 2 месяца назад

One of the best!!!👍👍 And Gus is just adorable as always!!! 🐶☺️🐶

@wakeupordie 2 месяца назад

@@MarianneCatherine Love Gus! 🐶

@s.s.8029 3 месяца назад

You nailed it! The funny thing is they think they are smarter than everyone around them about just about everything! I work with preschoolers who are more emotionally intelligent than a lot of the narcs. I find it disturbingly funny (and sad) just how much like preschoolers adult narcs are.

@sawdustadikt979 3 месяца назад

I had the hardest time with this, for a long time. Till I became aware that intelligence and wisdom are almost two entirely different things. As long as I’m living, I hope to continue to learn.

@gwendolynwehage6336 3 месяца назад

I have seen this many times in my family, those who really believe I am the stupid one and they are the smart ones. I believe they think this because they rage when I disagree as though it shakes them to the core that I might not elevate them as special. I never thought of myself as highly intelligent but I have enjoyed what I am doing and have accepted my limitations without feeling shame about it. The narcissist is deeply shamed if they ever discover something about themselves that isn't perfect. These people act as though I have done something terrible when I disagree with them. They work at shaming me and when it doesn't work they do things to make others think I am not worthy of respect.

@smcsavage 2 месяца назад

Oh my gosh! For so many years my husband would scream and say “I’m not yelling, I’m telling!” Always accusing me of cheating on him and when he became violent I had to flee with the kids it’s been m awful ride

@vickydittfield9822 2 месяца назад

Haughty Superiority is a perfect description!Never understood mental illnesses.Wish they could obtain true compassion.I’m too old now to run. As the narc ages it easier to see the manipulation.

@elcee7800 3 месяца назад

There’s an old saying - “Natural ability without education more often brings a person to virtue than education without natural ability.”

@yukio_saito 2 месяца назад

Thank you for sharing. 🙂

@elcee7800 2 месяца назад

@@yukio_saito 🙂

@morgainnejade 3 месяца назад

Some of their elevators don't go all the way to the top. Then there are those who can't even get out of the sub-basement of their feet.

@lorettaenglerth1361 3 месяца назад

I totally agree with you Doctor "C"...it's amazing to me that they believe they are superior to others.

@carolhill8917 3 месяца назад

A friend says she "never lies". She does. She had shown anger in a childish temper tantrum way in the store, with others around, and then blames me. I'm standing there humiliated with that behavior directed towards me.

@Shelley-j2y 3 месяца назад

I have a neighbor that does the same. I finally figured it out thanks to Dr. C and Dr. Ramani. She has also thrown temper tantrums when I've said no to her. I keep her at a distance now, and limit the time I spend with her. You won't change them.

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

With friends like this, who needs enemies!

@kwiklip 3 месяца назад

I feel you, I've been there. But I'm taking the advice of a friend who's married to an alcoholic. She used to apologize for her husband passing out/falling down in public. She stopped doing that. She steps over him and keeps going, telling folks he got himself there, he can get himself up. And she's not embarrassed - - she's not the drunk here. It's a difficult shift in thinking, but so much more truthful and empowering, don't you think?

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@carolhill8917 When someone explicitly emphasizes their good character traits, that is an alarming sign, a big red flag!!!

@nancymorris3286 2 месяца назад

@kwiklip My husband came home blind drunk one night. Knocked the TV over, fell down in the bathroom, and vomited all over himself. I went back to sleep. When I got up in the morning I went to work and left him to clean up his own mess. He never came home in that state again!

@Hatbox948 3 месяца назад

I'm sure we've all come up with at least twenty signs of our own by the time we've finished reading the title lol. So tempting. For me, one sign I noticed early on was the nex's ability to talk incessantly to complete strangers. This was usually done at my expense. I'd have to stand around waiting for these conversations to end. Once at Lowe's I called my daughter to pick me up. He didn't notice I was gone until he was ready to leave. I wouldn't answer the phone.This was during the period when he was still pretending to be nice, so when he got home he wasn't too upset. Later on down the road, an incident like this would cause extreme rage.

@istateyourname4710 3 месяца назад

I can relate to the need they have to chat up complete strangers! Any opportunity to scare up narcissistic supply.

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

Yes. They appear nice to strangers and then are horrible to you in private. The term 'smiling assassin's' comes to mind!!!

@flowers6576 3 месяца назад

Yes! And, Dr. C hit the nail on the head when he said they are always in a good mood until they get home! I had to laugh at that one bc it's SO true! But -- when I say that to my husband, he *always* says: "Yeah! Bc I'm coming home to *YOU!!* 🤨😡 I don't know why I have a block on that one but I don't have/can't think of a good come back to that one. Anybody have a good come back?? Please let me know. Thx!

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

@flowers6576 I'd say,'Well, don't come back then' and bolt the door!!!

@Hatbox948 3 месяца назад

@@amandaliverpool3374 Or say "you can't come back, I changed the locks".

@HEisWorthy-4C 2 месяца назад

Thank you Dr C. These people cause us to question our own 'smarts'. Yes to seeking your guidance to help us "sift through" the confusion. These people can make us feel like a 'twisted pretzel'!! They don't realize (& don't care) the trail of hurt they leave behind. Oh for the Peace that we crave.

@fred.k9875 3 месяца назад

Narcissist cover and hide what is not bright.

@surlif 3 месяца назад

Yes, they do. Strange how they are smart enough to do that!!!

@t_nels 3 месяца назад

@@surlif Smart enough 😒

@sage9836 3 месяца назад

Yeah - if only they'd put their effort into substance and not the illusion show.

@Victoria-c4n 3 месяца назад

They TRY TO DO THAT but if you’re an active listener they mess up ALL THE TIME!

@sage9836 3 месяца назад

@@Victoria-c4n When I think back about what the person said, I am surprised by what I missed. If I had just been listening.

@butterflycomb 2 месяца назад

God bless and protect all who having this experience. Its an awful thing to go through.

@Cod12Osc 3 месяца назад

They are smart enough to manipulate, exploit and turn people against each other. They are smart enough to tell what they want to who they want and leave you out which, in my view, is another way they get their way or control a situation to where the outcome works to their favor only. In the midst of all this, they carry themselves as a strong and confident person....

@sharisimonehampton5434 2 месяца назад

I agree! They do act stupid for cover. But they really are st7pid in so many ways, as well. I cant stand stupid! 😉👍♥️

@jeffreyboyd2758 3 месяца назад

RE: The “I’M NOT YELLING!” thing - I have heard this is because their hypothalamus is broken. If a two year old is having a tantrum, they are completely overtaken by the moment’s emotions. Same for the narcissist; they are completely overtaken by their emotional demands, but socially conditioned to recognize that yelling isn’t honorable behavior for a person of their stature.

@WoundedWarrior77 2 месяца назад

Narcissist like to gaslight you and manipulate you until you get to this point. Then they can call you a terrible person for getting upset.

@wissn2112 2 месяца назад

They not only seem to know everything. They always have something that relates to them to continue talking. As a way to discount your experience of what you have learned. Because they have some story about what they did or saw on some tv show. They never think of what can be done. Only roadblocks to get nothing organized.

@suzannebrown2505 2 месяца назад

A narcissist with empathy, compassion, loving, caring, and being truthful, and NOT being critical!!! Surely you jest!!! 👹🤢😠😡 My mother was an evil narcissist! 🥺😣

@vickyaldridge6778 2 месяца назад

My husband's family's main insult to each other (and especially to me) was "You're not as smart as you think you are." They ranked each other as to how intelligent each of them claimed to be, so it was constant point-scoring and one upmanship. It was an awful family to be involved with and now, with the benefit of learning about narcissism, it makes sense as to why they were so awful. Thank you!

@PEGGYKEEHN 2 месяца назад

Thank you... you just wrote my story!

@twillyspree3759 2 месяца назад

Ty so much, Dr. Carter! Grew up under the "reign" of a narcissistic mother, and naively married a malignant narcissist. Every single point you made hit home. You absolutely know what you are telling us about. Your validation is gold. Can't thank you enough for what you do.💜

@karriphillips5090 2 месяца назад

To numerous to count. It's the most bizarre 😳 behavior ever. I actually referred to them as an unruly child. They also think that if they read a paragraph, they've gained complete knowledge of the subject. It's all true, Dr. C!! I COULD GO ON, BUT I WILL STOP HERE.❤

@andreacook6000 2 месяца назад

I’m raising my hand a thousand times and then some. This is so concise. Thank you so for another brilliant video. It is another step towards our healing. It just makes it all so clear. Coming out of the fog feeing so sad I have lost so much of my life to this. So much to recoup and heal. Sigh Stepping back, fully separating, looking back on it with clarity. Seeing it all for what it was. Wow.

@cyndis3942 3 месяца назад

3:12 UGH ... Try to explain something and it's quickly revealed they FEEL they already know better than you.

@Raul-nv7rr Месяц назад

… ‘dealing with someone whose elevator doesn’t go to the top floor’ HAHAHAHA 😂 😂😂😂😂

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

Can't help it, but seeing the title gives me an earworm of this song from the British comedy ensemble Monty Python, "Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the light side of life If life seems jolly rotten There's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps Don't be silly chumps Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing Always look on the bright side of life (Come on) Always look on the right side of life..." (Always Look at the Bright Side of Life, Monty Python)

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

I love that movie 👍

@kelly450 3 месяца назад

@@amandaliverpool3374😂 good one...!

@kelly450 3 месяца назад

😂 😊

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks, Amanda. I watched the movies of Monty Python in my early teenage years because my aunt and uncle loved these movies. And I was more watching them for I was fascinated how they laughed with tears in their eyes 😁

@spacegirl226 3 месяца назад

I just spit all over my computer screen trying to whistle the tune. lolololol Thank you for the giggle today. I needed it.

@annking8633 2 месяца назад

I feel comforted. Knowledge is peace.

@PEGGYKEEHN 2 месяца назад

It's taken me 50+ years to learn about the "narcissist"... I'm finally at peace. Thank you.

@JustinLight 2 месяца назад

When I was starting to "wake up" to my ex-wife abuse two things happened which, for me, really drove this point home. At the time my son was 4 years old and would often trip or fall on accident. He would then make up a big story about how everyone was out to get him and how they are always pushing him down, fairly normal 4 year old behavior. One day after one of these "everyone is out to get me" outbursts, my ex comes home and tells me how all these people in her school are just out to get her. I was so shocked at how both of their outlooks were the same. My son has since grown out of this behavior. The second thing that happened was when I caught her in the act of trying to manipulate my emotions, I don't remember what she said but I could tell she was attempting to make me feel small and uncertain with myself. Being sick of the treatment and a bit in shock that I caught her in the moment (normally it would be hours or days later) I decided to flip the script and simply asked if she was feeling a bit uncertain with herself. She freaked and said "Your not very good at this, are you". To which I could only laugh and say "you just admitted it". After those events I stopped caring what she thought or said and really started to build back my trust with myself.

@renebernays5774 3 месяца назад

in their minds, they're already tops they see no need to grow or to learn or to improve ..

@PEGGYKEEHN 2 месяца назад

I think they mirror their parents behavior that they learned growing up.

@Ann-eb8dp 24 дня назад

You are so right zThey never learn snd think we will forget what they have done

@tristahaydon5647 Месяц назад

This is all my father. Unfortunately, he's older and I'm living with him and helping to take care of him. I've finally realized that he may be very intelligent about many things but an absolute moron when it comes to relationships. His closest friends are people with low self-esteem and the other is a bigger narcissist than my dad. These videos REALLY help me manage how I deal with my dad without losing myself in the process. Thank you!

@annking8633 2 месяца назад

Watched and listened multiple times to let it really soak in. Summarizes my 97 year old narcassist mother perfectly. Am preparing to take her on a 3 day trip to Omaha to visit her only granddaughter. Plan on having this on repeat in my ear pods for the entire trip!❤😂 Thank you for this Dr. C!!!!

@tavo2422 2 месяца назад

There more I learn the more I’m happy. Thank you Dr.

@susanbennetttellstales7998 2 месяца назад

The relative who shouts you down in conversation to tell you how much empathy he has. I kid you not.

@fireupyourheartfortruth 2 месяца назад

Thank you Dr. Carter We love you❤😊❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 2 месяца назад

Thanks so much

@yukio_saito 3 месяца назад

In my experience, word salad is a big sign. They use lots of slang, jargon, and 3 or 4-letter acronyms. It sounds plausible, but it's utterly meaningless. They don't understand what they mean. 😅😆😁

@PantaRhei-wz5zn 3 месяца назад

It may sound impressive for those who arent in thefield. However, when you get a coworker that uses all the work acronyms in the *wrong* context, they look silly as hell to those who actually did read the manual... Those that do know, generally keep a straight face, yet inwardly think : If you dont know, please dont speak up. What stinks: Management is sometimes 100% fooled... Sigh

@yukio_saito 3 месяца назад

@@PantaRhei-wz5zn So true. Management gets conned.

@amandaliverpool3374 3 месяца назад

Oh yes, and countless emoji's!!!

@DesertflowerUSA 3 месяца назад

Yea, guy I am dealing with has a god complex and loves to lecture. Sucks

@roxymovie3938 3 месяца назад

@@yukio_saito I did not know what wordsalad was until I met a Sociopath. He frequently used it as a technique to utterly confuse me. 😒

@sage9836 3 месяца назад

This is such a new topic. It's puzzling to think about because their manipulation schemes are so elaborate and frequently successful. The scheming appears to have an element of sophistication, but its just a dumb approach. Honesty would work better. There is some level at which they really don't get it.

@edweirdmassey 2 месяца назад

Some of these types are classic Dunning Kruger Effect

@gillianbrookwell1678 2 месяца назад

My Ex, the narcissist is very academically smart, but when it comes to common sense, he has none; they pretend to care in front of others to look good, but behind closed doors they discard you. No accountability for their actions, and no emotional empathy.

@douglasmcgregor5511 2 месяца назад

Definitely want to be a life long learner and pursue peace! When I was away on holiday recently a complete stranger on the street passing me said "he looks like he has zero emotional intelligence". I thought that was a really mean thing to say. Fact was that I had forgotten to bring my medication (sertraline) and was struggling with withdrawal symptoms so I may have come across wrongly sometimes. It's like the people that have called me an alcoholic. They wouldn't like it if I said that about them. Thanks Doctor C!

@sarahstrong7174 2 месяца назад

I thought I was bad enough, I make plenty of mistakes but sometimes Narcissists take the cake.

@MarianneCatherine 2 месяца назад

They do tend to make you feel a bit better about yourself! 😂

@Shonnie_B 3 месяца назад

I am new to your channel. You are head on!!! ❤

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

Glad to have you on board. Stick around!

@happygoluckyh.t.d.4life.739 3 месяца назад

You said something years ago about Karma, and you were so right. Karma has made it possible for me to live my days with only one left to deal with, at least until the land lord brings in another one. he is putting all the mental health issues at this end and they are paying triple what I am. Well the one that is still here thinks that her rent status means she can rule the park as a solo narc, but she is incorrect has we all began to grey rock her one victim at a time. She literally has gone through all the neighbors she has and now not a soul will interact with her willingly. Her sadness at the realization is quite noticeable but where I once would have tried to make someone else happy, I know better now and will not ever engage her, we will never be friends, but if she were to give me a nod as I walk by I would return that, but no further, and I will kiss the sky if this actually ever happens. Thanks so much Dr. Carter. You have literally turned my life into something way better then I thought I could have because I have learned to keep my freedom and to have the common sense to know when that is being taking from me one bit at a time. I am mentally stronger now and have more confidence in myself to face the world and actually enjoy it.

@istateyourname4710 3 месяца назад

I surmise that I'm really gonna love this one!

@billkingston4402 3 месяца назад

Thanks, my Dad is a good narcissist but a full time idiot

@winstonmoriarty1286 2 месяца назад

She used to say that actions speak louder than words, even the first few several times she hurt us. After a while she *chose* to stop saying it, claiming instead that she had no choice but to behave this way because of a bully at school and because I called her out on this. Just shows that for all her supposed unawareness and lack of control over her life, it really is all an act.

@ClickerTrainer1 2 месяца назад

Number 6: blaming you for their erroneous, egregious behavior. -- My husband once blamed me for HIS answer to my question, because I asked the question.

@BobTheSchipperke 3 месяца назад

As soon as you give yourself permission to let that be known (even just a raised eyebrow to another person) the sooner you are on your way.

@yukio_saito 3 месяца назад

The leader at my previous job graduated from a prestigious school, but he is completely incompetent due to his shallow and narrow insight. As a result, he messed up the project. Finally, I decided to leave the job as soon as he gaslighted me. 🏃‍♂💨💨

@yukio_saito 3 месяца назад

I have come across a lot of this type of people. They are inept regardless of being highly educated. 😒

@elcee7800 3 месяца назад

There’s an old saying - “Natural ability without an education more often brings a person to virtue than an education without natural ability.”

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

Good for you ♥️

@caroleminke6116 3 месяца назад

@@yukio_saitoso many academic leaders are like this & have been able to bring down the entire institution

@lynndupree1205 3 месяца назад

Dont you just love the one where the narc is yelling, and at the same time he is saying "I'm not yelling!" Reminds me of a friend who caught her husband in the act of having sex with another woman. He actually told her, "it wasn't me." !!!!

@TuzeTea 2 месяца назад

they believe they're the gold standard, nonstop criticism expecting it to motivate me, attitude of superiority, no appreciation for the destruction their anger causes, minimizing my achievements, blaming me when they get upset - especially when I was setting a boundary or said no to them, getting upset and not wanting to hear from me or let me talk when I'd like to have my say in a discussion about something they did - other than them just giving a half hearted apology by giving me a gift which is something they love ... wow it's like you personally know my ex Justin! 🤣

@marysuzannajayne1340 2 месяца назад

It’s so easy to pick every part of what Dr C is describing of the narcissist, when the relationship with a narcissist finally implodes! Even as closely as I have studied this behavior , the heart wants what the heart wants. I look back now and I remember annoying discussions about what the narcissists wanted from me, and at first it sounded innocent. “ No makeup, give all my camping gear away, walk away from Best Friend with cancer because she should handle her own problems “….. now I see it all! But in the moment , I took into consideration HIS feelings only, his sad back story, and I made excuses for him. Only when he started being controlling of my son, a wounded warrior from the Navy, did I became defensive and start to recognize the pattern of his attempted narcissistic abuse patterns. Then came the silent treatment from him when I confronted him! And I thought I knew a little better this time? Being in a vulnerable place in life is a position I now see is a huge Segway for a potential narcissist. I must have passed the test in that first encounter? Thank you again Dr C, for helping me see the narcissist before being sucked in any further. I am able to walk the hell away and find myself so much more at ease and peace in doing so!

@SurvivingNarcissism 2 месяца назад

Glad to be on the path with you!

@sharontalley2155 2 месяца назад

They are not only illogical, they are the cruelest people. I haven't seen my son or my grandchildren in two years. His wife destroyed our family. She lied to my family about me and turned them against me. I couldn't believe it when my son believed her lies about me and about things I was supposed to have done. He turned against me and hasn't talked to me or come to see me in years. i live alone and I miss him and the children every day. They had lived with me for 27 years and I didn't know that she had been working on turning them against me the whole time. She got physically and verbally abusive with me when no one was looking. Then she told them that I was the problem. I didn't know about narcissists until I found Dr Carter and everything he said was exactly what I was going through. I'm old now and they don't care if I'm alive or not. Every day I miss him and the children but she is satisfied I guess now that she has destroyed our family.

@josephineorellana8486 3 месяца назад

Do you know my ex?!? This was spot on!! I giggled at every new point you mentioned, not because it was funny, but because it was exactly him. I am 3 years free and still growing everyday, but mostly I am amazed at how much 💩 I put up with!! I wish I had known you before we got married, but now I just gotta keep my kids from finding the same type of partners!! Thank you, Dr. Carter!!❤❤ Keep preaching!!

@anacristinamoura881 3 месяца назад

From my experience covert narcissists always pretend they are not bright, they think its a good way to appear naif, inocent and humble😂 Overt narcissists always try to show they are brighter than they really are🙄

@kelly450 3 месяца назад

Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I find music to be VERY helpful when having to deal with N's..(slow calming jazz & even Christmas songs) And I know that when you are INFURIATED with someone else it's like swallowing poison & expecting the other person to die... Then I say the Serenity prayer One Day at a time Keep it Simple Because I know that I don't have control over my outside circumstances & or other people but I DO have control over myself & what I say or do This too shall pass🛐

@wildhorses6817 2 месяца назад

Yes, YELLING ! Asked him to stop and he physically attacked me. Learned he was having an affair, he advertised online in another Country. Destroyed me financially. Many Lies, Betrayals and married 35+ years. A reconciliation Failed due to all the topics you identified . Horrible creatures, horrible. There is No Top Floor !

@t_nels 3 месяца назад

I think this is supposed to make one feel better about themselves but it just feels like it just took so long to figure it out. We've been duped and learn defensiveness.

@nyarparablepsis872 3 месяца назад

What a great video, thanks so much Dr. C! I really needed that 😊 Oh, and my narc bingo card is full 🎉 I was nodding along to each point you made

@a.pepper6687 3 месяца назад

I think we are talking about the more assertive narcissist here, right? I have a covert one. They operate 'under the table' the best. Their more common modus operandi is to create confusion and gaslighting. Many or most are introverts so they don't care about 'talking it up' to strangers or anyone. Dr. C has shared a lot about this type on here many times. In both types and other types of narc's it's difficult to have personal relationships with them.

@Cod12Osc 3 месяца назад

I was told by my husband in a counseling I am me, he said, went on to say he was NOT going to change

@SurvivingNarcissism 3 месяца назад

Believe him.

@lindavincent678 2 месяца назад

When there’s a special occasion, they always have an agenda everything with them as an agenda and it’s an agenda that benefits them

@mikehinson5935 3 месяца назад

This is my ex wife to a T. It’s so strange because during our 10 years we never had issues. Once she decided she wanted a divorce, which I yet to figured out why, and I got full custody of the kids she turned into this person you described here. It was so stupid that I couldn’t even respond to things she was saying!!! She tormented me for 6 months until I blocked every for of communication possible. Not spoken to her in 5 years now. 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

@chriswalls5831 3 месяца назад

Most people arent that smart hard to find someone who is laid back, intelligent, creative, have similar hobbies, etc

@sharinielsen7985 2 месяца назад

They are controllers, yet when they are being held accountable, they say that whatever you said or did caused their bad behavior. Who is controlling who???

@evelyngonzalez9498 2 месяца назад

wow, so right on! Thank you for your insight of Narcissism. very helpful!

@rosieE121 2 месяца назад

These behaviors are very familiar to me. I can add that they brag about how well they understand people, and you don't, as they tear apart the house in a fit of rage. Of course I had to leave and get divorced. Logically I know I am a very capable person, but hearing over and over again that I am unworthy has made it hard appearing confident. I constantly look for feedback from normal people, and it is different than it was when under that destructive relationship. It's an ongoing project of self improvement for me. Another thing I'd like to add is that in the few times he apologized to anyone he made it look like he was being so very generous for admitting a mistake. I felt that behind it all was a very vulnerable ego that was controlled by deep and painful feelings of inferiority and overperforming to hide it from himself and everyone else.