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The Silent Language Of Covert Narcissism 

Surviving Narcissism
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While overt narcissists are brash in the ways they convey self-absorption, covert narcissists use a host of silent means to let you know how they really feel. Dr. Les Carter reminds us that there is no such thing as no communication, so in order to know how to manage your reactions to the covert narcissist, you will need to be aware of their silent, but effective styles of communicating.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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6 дек 2020

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Комментарии : 3,9 тыс.   
@Suzu52
@Suzu52 3 года назад
Does anyone else have this person in their life, also but only displays this towards you and wears the "good guy" mask with everyone else?
@jmk5674
@jmk5674 3 года назад
Amen
@tmo.48
@tmo.48 3 года назад
It makes me go😳
@krisluvsutube2684
@krisluvsutube2684 3 года назад
Oh my yes....and turns everyone against you for being the "crazy" one. If only they knew the evil that I have experienced.
@Quina-estaffa
@Quina-estaffa 3 года назад
Yes that's the most difficult part, the outside world thinks he s the nicest, funniest, perfect man in the world ( although there are some who just can see trough his exagerated stories and his way of never listening but always talking) Inside the house he is a passive agressive ( and openly agressive) entity who screams, shouts or never speaks; not a single "fantastic" story, shares nothing he thinks or feels, is almost always negative and now and then depressive. But during that negative period or during an angry attack, he can change in just a second when for example he gets a visit from a neigbour and his behaviour is like a kameleon and his negativity and dark side is gone for just the moment that visitor is there. Afterwards his silent treatment or depressive energy immidiatly returns. And when you ask if he s ok The answer will be, i have no problems in my whole life, if you have a problem, you can leave whenever you want. And the moment you leave he starts begging not to leave and tells you he did put all the effort in it to show his "love" (never did put any form of effort of course; just rejection, silent treatments, passive agressiveness, anger attacks, negclet, fysical and mental abuse..)
@Quina-estaffa
@Quina-estaffa 3 года назад
@@krisluvsutube2684 yes it is as if they have a very evil energy inside of them at those moments
@lynmiller6046
@lynmiller6046 3 года назад
No one ever sees how the narc triggers you, only your reaction to their passive-aggressive behavior.
@Legend-sl9bn
@Legend-sl9bn 3 года назад
@@robinlynn898 i can relate to you my gf is the same i wish i had some one to talk to and help me out of this way of life
@robinlynn898
@robinlynn898 3 года назад
@@Legend-sl9bn I'm here for you if you need to vent..Sending love and hugs your way..♥️
@Legend-sl9bn
@Legend-sl9bn 3 года назад
@@robinlynn898 i really would like to talk if you don't mind, how can i contact you privately?
@mxsigns
@mxsigns 3 года назад
I am the same way I totally lose control and I hate myself when I do it. Throwing my own things and breaking them. Been married for 38 years and just learned about this narcissism thing. My entire marriage makes sense now because I really thought I was the one with all the problems. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and absolutely zero empathy at all. I told him over lunch and felt like I was at a business lunch he left me when back to work which he didn’t have to do. He makes his own schedule and hours. Can’t believe how it made me feel. I wasn’t worried about the cancer just couldn’t believe how he treated me.
@robinlynn898
@robinlynn898 3 года назад
@@mxsigns I'm so sorry..I pray for your healing...Even if he doesn't care, I do....God bless..♥️
@redeoghan
@redeoghan 2 года назад
The scary thing about these people is that they can turn on a dime and start being nice when they start to realise you are onto them, only to switch back the moment they feel they can get away with it. Utterly toxic.
@lighton365
@lighton365 Год назад
My experience is that they become very Nice to you when they sense they've gone too far with their rubbish.
@amyproudfoot6611
@amyproudfoot6611 11 месяцев назад
​@@lighton365love bombing 😱
@c.p.507
@c.p.507 8 месяцев назад
Nailed it. This video & your comment, nailed it, 100%.
@user-be3tb7zm4y
@user-be3tb7zm4y 2 месяца назад
So true.
@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm
@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm Месяц назад
It's like my mum only talks to my husband, my kids and I only when she wants something. Any other time we are just invisible.
@Ninishiningleaf
@Ninishiningleaf 3 года назад
Nothing worse than being in the presence of a loved one who ignores you. It's worse than being alone.
@cuppasilverbullets
@cuppasilverbullets Год назад
I agree
@deborahhollar2151
@deborahhollar2151 Год назад
I know that pain. It is the worst! 😢
@PuppetMasterdaath144
@PuppetMasterdaath144 Год назад
for me it's more subtle, actually all these I've encountered are subtle, you can't just take them on their wrong doings easily
@miketexas4549
@miketexas4549 Год назад
"The only thing worse than being alone, is being with people who make you feel alone." -Robin Williams
@susandonovan6865
@susandonovan6865 Год назад
This is the story of my life… I feel like I’ve been asking the question ‘what is going on and why is everyone else turning a blind eye to the silent treatment I get from certain family members?’ I feel liberated to learn this and also sad that I only know this now in my 60’s and not in my teens… The amount of wasted energy I’ve spent on these people feels almost tragic to me right now….
@hogski1000
@hogski1000 3 года назад
There's something almost supernaturally evil about these people and how they derive joy from your frustration and anxiety.
@lenakatarinaful
@lenakatarinaful 2 года назад
Yes, makes noe wounder rigth.
@DanielGennaro
@DanielGennaro 2 года назад
Yes sir. A girl I met was complete evil man. Trying to ruin my life. Absolutely diabolical
@ginnylinn8224
@ginnylinn8224 2 года назад
Yes, I say they are not completely human. They are predictors without human emotions except anger. I have a HIGH functioning one as a "friend". He's a genius which makes him dangerous. He has everyone fooled. I have learned so much here. I didn't know what was wrong with him as I always felt a void when around him; never like a real friend.
@noturningback2023
@noturningback2023 2 года назад
Some of the Christian channels say that Narcissism isn't a personality "disorder," but rather a spirit. I believe that too, that it's demonic.
@hogski1000
@hogski1000 2 года назад
@@noturningback2023 I also feel that this is a demonic spirit that possesses people at a very young age. It's the same across cultures and time, they use the same tricks and the same words universally. They are totally immune to any kind of therapy, unlike almost all other kind of disorder or illness. Their real self is trapped and stunted inside, when the narcissist spirit spins a fake personality around them and uses its tricks to maintain it. It's only when you've been in a relationship for years that you feel the horror of co-existing with that demonic power.
@elocat2511
@elocat2511 3 года назад
they devalue you without a word
@jacalyntaylor6721
@jacalyntaylor6721 3 года назад
For real.
@christinagipperich2780
@christinagipperich2780 3 года назад
Yes! You aren’t good enough to even speak to. That has been my experience in addition to the gaslighting and devaluing. Such cowardly behavior...
@kristins4494
@kristins4494 3 года назад
Yep, they can convey that with a smirk, or a roll of the eyes . . .
@elocat2511
@elocat2511 3 года назад
@@christinagipperich2780 try to share your thoughts and feelings to connect and they act as if they’re not paying any attention. Or you’re telling them something you are very passionate about and they don’t give any verbal response just a look so you don’t know what they are thinking. These covert tactics cause you to look inward and feel devalued. I always felt bad after being around this person and I could never put my finger on it, nor could I explain it to anyone else. That was before I discovered what narcissism is.
@elocat2511
@elocat2511 3 года назад
@@jacalyntaylor6721 it’s so crazy!
@adrianred236
@adrianred236 3 года назад
"I never said that" Yea, It starts as a form of gas lighting, but you end up at a point where you feel you should record your conversations.
@kathyingram3061
@kathyingram3061 3 года назад
~That is one advantage of texting & email~You can go back & see what was said~
@choosepeacetoday
@choosepeacetoday 3 года назад
I hear that all the time… Do they go to gaslighting school and compare notes??🤪
@adrianred236
@adrianred236 3 года назад
@@choosepeacetoday After I separated from my wife a year ago, someone pointed out to me that they suspected she had a narcissistic personality, I knew what a narcissist was but when I started researching "narcissistic personality" I was blown away by how many trait matches she had. Like you I wondered was there a training course that they all attended or something.
@choosepeacetoday
@choosepeacetoday 3 года назад
@@adrianred236 It’s creepy…
@uknowmestalker4446
@uknowmestalker4446 2 года назад
You bet 📲
@ziziroberts8041
@ziziroberts8041 Год назад
The silent treatment is far from silent. It speaks volumes. I got tired of listening to it after a few chapters. I enjoy spending time with people who acknowledge my existence. ❤
@lighton365
@lighton365 Год назад
That's really healthy! Good on you!
@user-gi4tx9nm7q
@user-gi4tx9nm7q 11 месяцев назад
❤💯❤️
@TheRougeChef
@TheRougeChef 2 месяца назад
100% Facts!!
@Jesusismyjoy225
@Jesusismyjoy225 3 года назад
"Covert narcissists are some of the most difficult people on the planet." No doubt about it.
@PersonalGrowthNow
@PersonalGrowthNow 3 года назад
Absolutely.
@martap.548
@martap.548 3 года назад
Crazy makers.
@kostasplafountzis6602
@kostasplafountzis6602 3 года назад
they are not difficult,they are deranged and disfunctional
@erin0033
@erin0033 3 года назад
They're scum, not people.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
I thought I found the love of my life and this is what I really found. Entering the sunset of my live with a covert narsasict.
@photoprescott2499
@photoprescott2499 3 года назад
❤️My guess: it's the looks they give you. The side-eye, the smirks, the eye-rolling, the silent treatment, the no-answer-technique, the turn-around-and-walk-away-thing, the weird grin they show you, the looking-up-and-down-at you, the waving their hand - pff..., the not looking at you when you talk, etc. etc... anything that doesn't involve spoken language. Their body language that gives you that weird icky feeling and the creeps. Eeew. ❤️
@jacalyntaylor6721
@jacalyntaylor6721 3 года назад
True. Been there.
@angelanewbury7876
@angelanewbury7876 3 года назад
Your comment is so accurate looking up and down and just staring waiting for a reaction its creepy
@PS-um3oh
@PS-um3oh 3 года назад
Nailed it!
@lindasharpe7039
@lindasharpe7039 3 года назад
On point, because I laugh at them sometimes. 😂
@nikkyluv2244
@nikkyluv2244 3 года назад
Definitely on point.... and ppl are still wondering how ppl end up in mental institutions😬these devils are HORRIBLE
@allenone6970
@allenone6970 Год назад
The smirk. That never stops, does so much damage. And not a word spoken.
@stayathomecichlidmom3579
@stayathomecichlidmom3579 3 года назад
The moment you first ask yourself "maybe it is me, maybe I am the crazy one" I should've ran because deep down I know, someone that truly loves you, does not say or make you feel like your the problem and that you the one that needs help. They also HATE when you express how something has hurt you or makes you feel upset. The answer is always "I know I'm just an aashole" Kills the soul
@Earthether
@Earthether Год назад
if you knew how may times i took the blame just to stop the argument... and the pain. Taking the pain on to me has shortened my life and ruined years of my life. literally....there are pains i can not heal from and time ill never get back. Literally....bruised my soul.
@princessmandy1757
@princessmandy1757 Год назад
Yeah that's usually all I ever got, too.... Then he would turn everything around on me and gaslight me.
@snowcoconuts8660
@snowcoconuts8660 Год назад
I'm still doing that to myself after 6 years of being discarded by a narc partner (Also 32 years of being in a narc family)
@Beth-gw6cg
@Beth-gw6cg 6 месяцев назад
YES! When I confront his bad behavior, he’ll just say, “I know, I’m a di*k”. That’s the extent of the apology. lol And I always say, “Admitting it doesn’t make it right.”
@CordiallyYours1
@CordiallyYours1 3 года назад
Treats strangers very well, and even outside of the family friends, but treats you like dirt. Nobody sees it nor believes you because they put on such a great show for every one else. I’ve heard over and over again about how nice he is and that I should be lucky to have such a great person in my life, bla bla bla... Nobody sees the intentional gaslighting or the anger that’s taken out on you for no reason etc... It literally takes everything out of you emotionally and physically. I’m always so drained, it’s the absolute worst to be in a situation like this...
@brenadettefordyce5593
@brenadettefordyce5593 3 года назад
Shared this very exexperience
@mornicaakumu1513
@mornicaakumu1513 3 года назад
This is ABSOLUTELY 💯 TRUE im experiencing this
@rowanalexander3051
@rowanalexander3051 3 года назад
Yep these are awful people
@domif.b.7657
@domif.b.7657 3 года назад
I know that feeling! In my case it's my mother, unfortunately. Absolutely adorable with everyone outside the family and with my brother. To me, she's always been different...the crappy thing is that there's no other way than understanding that these people won't change.
@meuresouza1880
@meuresouza1880 3 года назад
Just the kind of life had for 11 years.
@pinkposey8134
@pinkposey8134 3 года назад
Nice as pie to everyone else in life. YOU get the rage etc.
@brontelex4016
@brontelex4016 3 года назад
You're exactly right.
@deebee4622
@deebee4622 3 года назад
Yes, and everyone loves them and we look like the unappreciative partners
@annking8633
@annking8633 3 года назад
Exactly that, exactly.
@disaj7460
@disaj7460 3 года назад
Yes...the rage and/or mistreatment! 100% facts. When you share something with someone abt this narcissist, they're in disbelief. smh
@jodenepolston6441
@jodenepolston6441 3 года назад
I cant stand it when someo e says im so lucky to have such a great guy. REALLY! I HATE HIS FREAKIN FACE!!
@jessicavillarreal1110
@jessicavillarreal1110 3 года назад
He never had any productive conversations with me our whole marriage, knowing it bothered me, and whenever we’d fight he’d throw out a “this is why I don’t talk to you because you……(fill in the blank)”. It was always my fault why he didn’t
@rhcplvr1953
@rhcplvr1953 2 года назад
when people play the blame game, it absolves them of any wrongdoing, responsibility.
@KiKi-te9yd
@KiKi-te9yd 2 года назад
Omg, YES! "This is why I struggle to communicate with you" because I finally said something mean or truthful to him . Load of absolute bollocks just to turn it back around at me and make his crappy non-communication my fault.
@GreenEnvy.
@GreenEnvy. 2 года назад
Did you leave his ass?
@jolesliewhitten6545
@jolesliewhitten6545 2 года назад
When I finally left my covert narcissist husband, I was well beyond anger or hate-I had entered the world of UTTER INDIFFERENCE.
@sallycannon287
@sallycannon287 2 года назад
Same.
@luv2fly745
@luv2fly745 2 года назад
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
@jolesliewhitten6545
@jolesliewhitten6545 2 года назад
@@luv2fly745 , indifference is way beyond hate. Way beyond.
@luv2fly745
@luv2fly745 2 года назад
@@jolesliewhitten6545 I agree. In order to hate someone, you must still care for or about them.
@zombietea2281
@zombietea2281 2 года назад
The indifference is beginning to creep in and it's absolutely terrifying.
@lttlod1
@lttlod1 3 года назад
Your gut feeling will tell you everything. When it does, save yourself lots of time and just run : )
@kmarch6630
@kmarch6630 3 года назад
I'm getting my ducks in a row to do just that.
@carpathia0117
@carpathia0117 3 года назад
The weird thing is, there's a fine line between "nobody's perfect " and a red flag. So hard to see until it's too late.
@lttlod1
@lttlod1 3 года назад
@@carpathia0117 your gut will tell you everything
@carpathia0117
@carpathia0117 3 года назад
@@lttlod1 thanks sadly it's too late
@kmarch6630
@kmarch6630 3 года назад
@@carpathia0117 Why is it too late?
@nikkyluv2244
@nikkyluv2244 3 года назад
Being an empath, you FEEL everything, wanted and unwanted... so when I sensed something was wrong I naturally inquired about that feeling.... only to get, nothing's wrong.... when I did that with "normal" ppl they automatically opened up sometimes even asking... how did you know? But not with that narc, he constantly undermined my gift, to the point he had me wondering if I were the problem, or maybe I'm too sensitive, overbearing... NO I was a chess piece on the board
@angelanicoletti3330
@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад
Nikki Luv, Exactly!
@nikkyluv2244
@nikkyluv2244 3 года назад
@@KSpirit54 please take heed... it's a game to them but our life is they're prize...I agree so sad
@dylannaenzo9737
@dylannaenzo9737 3 года назад
And being an empath, I don't want to hate anyone... so I just hate the fact my narc sisters are sick and in a perfect world, would be locked away from normal people. But I must accept that fact. I cry for the relationship I WANTED... that never existed... because they are simply not able to do normal. And they teamed up against me all my life, but not anymore.
@nikkyluv2244
@nikkyluv2244 3 года назад
@@dylannaenzo9737 wow just know you're not alone...I too have realized some family members are narcs and I'm better off without them
@_iam1533
@_iam1533 3 года назад
Why is this my story too 😭Honestly it hurts a lot
@outaboutwithleeyamcgeeya2571
@outaboutwithleeyamcgeeya2571 11 месяцев назад
This is my mother. It took me years to realize what she was because she had two faces: one for in the home and one for outside. Everyone thought she was great. Moving to the other side of the country was the best decision I’ve ever made.
@bellaluce7088
@bellaluce7088 Год назад
Don't confuse their love for what you do for them with them actually loving YOU. They may not understand the difference themselves, but the proof is in their actions, not words.
@maidmarion2976
@maidmarion2976 3 года назад
No responsibility, no commitment, no curiosity, no joy in life. No imagination. They have to have great acting abilities as they are dead inside. They are good at manipulation and strategy in controlling you. They never stop lying. They never never change not one bit. Don’t let them catch you in their web or be fooled by their act. They live to destroy good people.
@pats2058
@pats2058 3 года назад
Dead things, animated corpses. PREACH!!! (Love your handle, btw)
@ambererickson645
@ambererickson645 3 года назад
Agreed. On Jesus can change them, if they would let Him!
@psalmsreader7997
@psalmsreader7997 3 года назад
That is bang on and also sickeningly sad!!!
@christinesbetterknitting4533
@christinesbetterknitting4533 3 года назад
@@ambererickson645 I was so hopeful I had found the right partner because he said all the right things about Jesus. Right after he got the beautiful smart children he wanted, he became a cold, heartless calculating machine. I prayed so hard, but I could not be his Savior, and Jesus Himself was too unpredictable for my ex. So now I have a rich life in Jesus and no pain in my daily family life. Glory to God for the peace in separation.
@christinesbetterknitting4533
@christinesbetterknitting4533 3 года назад
@@pats2058 I came to describe my ex as a "dime store Indian" who just stands frozen in the corner of the porch...
@Rebel6832
@Rebel6832 3 года назад
Yup!!! "I NEVER SAID THAT, THAT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU BRING ON YOUR OWN PROBLEMS BY THINKING I SAID WHAT YOU THOUGHT I SAID..." ITS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT...
@sylviaimpson8648
@sylviaimpson8648 3 года назад
YESSSSSS
@AKS-rp2pv
@AKS-rp2pv 3 года назад
Do you know my mother??? 😊
@melanytodd2929
@melanytodd2929 3 года назад
Amanda S. : suspect she's related to my aunt. We could be cousins ❣😂
@PersonalGrowthNow
@PersonalGrowthNow 3 года назад
Yes.
@SjofnBM1989
@SjofnBM1989 3 года назад
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?"
@HikeBikeWalkRide
@HikeBikeWalkRide Год назад
My husband is passive, aggressive, narcissist, and a mean one. When I told him what he did make me feel unimportant, his reply was “ I know. “
@orangesporanges1504
@orangesporanges1504 3 года назад
I asked the narc I live with why he’s so nice to everyone else. (It’s actually a sickeningly fake over the top grandiose niceness). He told me it’s because they aren’t a nag and a B**** to him like I am. I said well they don’t live with you.😐
@louiseduhon5830
@louiseduhon5830 3 года назад
Excellent Answer Girl !
@orangesporanges1504
@orangesporanges1504 3 года назад
@@louiseduhon5830 👍☺️
@helenhighwater5313
@helenhighwater5313 3 года назад
@Richard Johns It seems mothers spoil their sons, that's one cause of adult narcissism in guys, but it happens with girls as well.
@rhcplvr1953
@rhcplvr1953 2 года назад
tell him if I'm such a nag and a bitch, why don't you find someone that isn't?
@janinweinkauf5900
@janinweinkauf5900 2 года назад
@Oranges Poranges I don't know you, but I Know you are Not a Nag and a Bitch. Never let you tell differently.
@Rebel6832
@Rebel6832 3 года назад
LYING BY OMISSION
@shelleys1551
@shelleys1551 3 года назад
It's who they are, and the fantasy persona they live behind. They are empty shells that fill their lives with things that have zero meaning.
@sage9836
@sage9836 3 года назад
It's a real dirty trick.
@jjohnson7002
@jjohnson7002 3 года назад
OMGoodness. YES!!! He was a master of this. When I worked with adolescents in residential treatment that was a workbook they had to do.
@jankucera8505
@jankucera8505 3 года назад
their favorite - act all nice and sweet towards people who they don't even like just to get attention
@sonjacollier7910
@sonjacollier7910 3 года назад
He would create Chaos and stand back and watch it.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
Don't you know it
@cognisuns
@cognisuns 3 года назад
I caught him getting happiness from my suffering 😬 he tried to say it wasn't like that...but it was.
@tazzyslady
@tazzyslady 3 года назад
And love every single minute of it.
@duewhit310
@duewhit310 3 года назад
Sounds like a form of voyeurism.
@cazmereafonti565
@cazmereafonti565 3 года назад
I knew of a women with that same spirit chaos followed her everywhere..
@alysiahite12
@alysiahite12 3 года назад
My excovert Narc/physcopath husband was so insidiously evil. He did all the communication like you said. He gave me hints that he was going to kill me. He had guns.🥺I got the hell outta there while he was at work. Packed my van and been gone for 4 years now. No contact. He has no idea were I live. Divorced and happy. 😍 Thank you Dr. Carter.
@heatherjeffery4052
@heatherjeffery4052 3 года назад
They fly so much under the radar. But once we see under the mask we can never unsee it. The coldness is palpable. Great informative video that is 100% accurate.
@lindabaer6603
@lindabaer6603 3 года назад
I think a lot of people do not accept that purposefully omitting information is a form of LYING. And that's sad, because it is a most insidious form of lying for sure.
@AmyNCole-luv4God
@AmyNCole-luv4God 3 года назад
Agreed.
@NetRook
@NetRook 3 года назад
I completely agree. Saddest thing is *I* let that idea out of fear of standing up for myself because I believed his gas lighting of me for 4 years... when confronted he would flip it on me and I believed I was the crazy one.
@janetpattison8474
@janetpattison8474 3 года назад
AbSolutely! Omission is blatant, intentional deception. Just as destructive as an outright lie. No other information is needed, to get rid of any person who uses deception or lying in a relationship, it’s way overdue to get rid of them. Listen to the warning signs because they’re always there and don’t be desperate for someone to love. It’s not worth it.
@candacecasey5634
@candacecasey5634 3 года назад
My husband and I have had this conversation a dozen times .
@jamesoppy900
@jamesoppy900 3 года назад
I know exactly what you mean
@kimbennett7364
@kimbennett7364 3 года назад
Gaslighting at its finest. It’s completely crazy-making.
@bridgethunter5627
@bridgethunter5627 3 года назад
My husband tells me I'm psychotic all the time. My son has started saying it.
@kimbennett7364
@kimbennett7364 3 года назад
@@bridgethunter5627 I’m sorry! 🙁
@lorireed8046
@lorireed8046 3 года назад
@@bridgethunter5627 Understand this ! My son has done the same. What I've noticed is people that don't even know you want you in their life instantly. I've dealt with narcissistic people all my life and JUST seeing the crazy. I THOUGHT it was "nice" they liked me in seconds! Literally! Then it became a controller environment within weeks. I've walked away from many many people. If they "love you instantly " they see they can control you.
@marcgoodman4561
@marcgoodman4561 3 года назад
@@bridgethunter5627 Perhaps you are... Sometimes it's good to look in a mirror.
@uyoebyik
@uyoebyik 3 года назад
I think my mother chose me as a scapegoat because I was the opposite of her. I wanted fairness and justice and peace
@jennodine
@jennodine 3 года назад
I think this is THE most defining factor. The unspoken messages.
@minimations8697
@minimations8697 3 года назад
Was once married to such a person. It drove me nuts. So glad to have ended that relationship and am now with a wonderful lady!
@AlphaGator9
@AlphaGator9 3 года назад
I can relate Rodney.
@kimbamw6713
@kimbamw6713 3 года назад
Just divorced one after 24 years. He decided to move, continued drama after the final divorce hearing. I've gone no contact, focus on completing the business to move on.
@minimations8697
@minimations8697 3 года назад
@@kimbamw6713 exact same scenario for me! Married to her for 24 years. She did not value me, and it took me forever to realize what was happening. She up and moved to another state even though I told her I changed my mind. That didn’t matter. The narcissist expects you to follow through with what they want, and what you want doesn’t matter. I realized this was my chance to break for it, and I took it.
@barbtullos3909
@barbtullos3909 3 года назад
I was too Rodney. 29 years if marriage that was a hell. Finally left. Thought he would probably find me and kill me. Anyway, I met a wonderful man . Married him and was so happy I couldn't believe it. We we're together 15 years that were the best years of my life. Didn't know how to act ,I was so happy. Then he passes away and it's been 7 yrs now. I miss him so much.
@ASMRyouVEGANyet
@ASMRyouVEGANyet 3 года назад
Gives me hope that I'll find someone. Sometimes I feel so damaged by these damn narcissists
@johnnybates7580
@johnnybates7580 3 года назад
The best way to handle an overly narcissistic partner is to dump them. What a relief. I feel like a teenager again.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
Thank you for that reminder
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 3 года назад
It's weird, because you'd think that you would need to grieve. And I guess in a way, watching this videos is a form of grieving. But, I don't feel particularly sad, or heartbroken or even mad. I just feel free. I don't have to care if he acts like a total jerk, or flirts with other women in front of my face, or dismisses me. None of those things matter anymore. I probably did all my grieving months ago, after yet another heartbreak, and now am just 'out.'
@amandamoe523
@amandamoe523 3 года назад
👍👍
@wendytimms4515
@wendytimms4515 3 года назад
@@Hawaiiansky11 I agree. I left and never shed a tear at all. Walked away and started new and fresh.
@suzipuzi2001
@suzipuzi2001 3 года назад
agree! its way more tricky when they are coworkers or if involved in the care of a loved one in some way. A speech therapist was taking care of my mom in the hospital after a stroke. The speech therapist was extremely difficult to deal with, spearheaded a number of behind the scenes machinations, and unfortunately we had no choice but to work with her, because she was the only speech therapist there. Sparing you the details, it was a traumatic experience! Because of that ONE narcissist individual.
@karolemcaninch6495
@karolemcaninch6495 9 месяцев назад
Dr. Carter, being a survivor of narcissist abuse, I'm not accustomed to consistency. You're messages are always consistent and accurate. You help me so much on my journey to wholeness, and I just want to say Thank You!
@SurvivingNarcissism
@SurvivingNarcissism 9 месяцев назад
You are so welcome.
@tyegress1708
@tyegress1708 4 месяца назад
@@SurvivingNarcissism I really like you. Thanks for the videos.
@Vixinaful
@Vixinaful 3 года назад
YES! Completely aloof to the point I'd say "Blank face" also called flat affect, when they show NO emotions, like a walking dead. Veeery strange.
@MsMesem
@MsMesem 2 месяца назад
Creepy
@BeautifulSpirit-kf5ld
@BeautifulSpirit-kf5ld 3 года назад
Gaslighting can fracture your mind, to where you question your humanity and if you want to be on this planet. Happened to me. How sad , that we have to be like soldiers, and learn to defend ourselves from this kind of attack.
@DS-lh1dh
@DS-lh1dh 3 года назад
Yes at 45 yrs old.. I've finally got this
@pattygould8240
@pattygould8240 3 года назад
If it weren't for all the other people in my life and the reassurance they provide, my beloved narcissist might have convinced me that I was crazy and/or evil.
@sues3218
@sues3218 3 года назад
That is a good way of putting it "fracture your mind". It is one big mind game. Mind manipulation. You do limp away feeling fractured.
@lilianamorice7846
@lilianamorice7846 3 года назад
They make you doubt even of your own soul...
@kathybrown6678
@kathybrown6678 3 года назад
And then deal with the PTSD...
@acquaify
@acquaify 3 года назад
N-arse-ciss-cysts love : Mental gymnastics Omissions / half truths Strategic inaction (feigning forgetfulness) Feigning confusion Answering direct questions with unrelated events and details to deflect focus elsewhere. How many times do you find yourself asking a question only to realise time and time again that you never actually got the answer. These people are aware of what they’re doing. They k n o w exactly what they’re doing. They’re constantly trying to convince you otherwise. That’s why they put so much effort into hiding from the truth, because they’ve seen it. They’re in hiding constantly. Hiding their hideous ways. Best wishes and my condolences to everyone reading this who’s suffered the company of a n-arse-ciss-cyst. Stay safe and spread the word x
@xefirah
@xefirah 3 года назад
Yep 👍
@laurynyoungkin2089
@laurynyoungkin2089 3 года назад
You got them pinned !
@erin0033
@erin0033 3 года назад
You nailed it. This is my ex girlfriend 100 percent accurate.
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 3 года назад
You nailed it! My very recently ex'd CN would always talk about having poor ability to remember anything. He then acts like he never gets enough sleep - like, ever. Even times when I can literally hear him snoring, and watch him twitch like you do when you are in REM sleep. He will talk like he never gets enough rest, and will lie around for 18-24 hours (and wishes he could do that always). He doesn't have dark circles under his eyes. I have bought him books and offered videos and other advice on how to get more and better rest. He drinks Mountain Dew at 11:00pm then wonders why he can't sleep. If he had his way, he would live in a fantastical house with technology that hasn't been invented yet, sleep all day, never work (I guess we all fantasize about that one), and just have sex and food and not other distractions.
@stevenhulbert6973
@stevenhulbert6973 3 года назад
Great comment except the n-arse... thing is lame
@bobchemist
@bobchemist 3 года назад
My wife, who I think has NPD, called me a covert narcissist in court when she was defending herself against a protection from abuse order. She lost, now my daughter and I are free from violence and verbal abuse.
@bellaluce7088
@bellaluce7088 Год назад
👏👏👏 Congratulations! She must have been truly heinous for you to win in court given all the bias in favor of mothers (written as a female). Wishing you and your daughter peace, joy, and ongoing freedom from abuse!
@bobchemist
@bobchemist Год назад
She threatened my life and that of my daughter many times. We recorded it. She was caught on video chasing me with a knife. She injured me multiple times. I just had surgery to repair a particularly bad injury. I called the local police many times and they did nothing even when I showed them the evidence. Eventually I was able to have her committed, but the sent her home after a month. I went to court and obtained a 3 year protection from abuse order. Yes, it is much easier for women to stop their abusers.
@bobchemist
@bobchemist Год назад
@@bellaluce7088 She is a very dangerous person. Verbal threats will get the police involved against a man. Serious injury from a woman is overlooked.
@bonniehoke-scedrov4906
@bonniehoke-scedrov4906 3 года назад
Horribly destructive while “running silent.” It nearly killed me growing up with this person. I still marvel that I made it to adulthood intact.
@Ezduzit164
@Ezduzit164 Год назад
Same here .. silence as a weapon .. consistently my entire childhood and even now off and on if engage to much.
@kellyleighread807
@kellyleighread807 3 года назад
They hold on to grudges as their life's blood.
@marcusappelberg369
@marcusappelberg369 3 года назад
Tell me about it.
@kellyleighread807
@kellyleighread807 3 года назад
@@marcusappelberg369 I think you know.
@kellyleighread807
@kellyleighread807 3 года назад
Having knee surgery, he sat with me and said: I hope this worth it. Move forward two year's. He didn't get paid for helping out another woman who had knee surgery. I meant not one thing to the ex. I told him that we were invited to a party for New Year's. Three weeks roll around, I'm getting ready to go when he asked, " Where are you going?" I told him so many times, yet he didn't listen.
@johnhaslett6714
@johnhaslett6714 3 года назад
That's true. Sometimes they will make up a grudge to justify their actions.
@stafanawarner7413
@stafanawarner7413 3 года назад
My ex husband narc didn’t talk to his family for 18 yrs.....and I wasn’t allowed to talk to them either. Thank God I ran from him!
@1984musicman
@1984musicman 3 года назад
Struggling to rebuild my life but I will never let this happen again. The most damaging relationship I've ever experienced. You will never be the same. Love to everyone healing.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
Agreed I'm still married to one.
@dorindab.5305
@dorindab.5305 3 года назад
1984musicman, I was married to one for 15 years. He still calls non stop, "Where are you? What are you doing? I wish you'd answer the phone, I'm not feeling well and think I need your help. Somethings wrong with my stomach, eyes, headaches and the list goes on. He always has an ailment to try to get me back into the chaos. After 15 years with him, I don't think I ever want to marry again. He left some pretty deep scars.
@debraebumpus5501
@debraebumpus5501 3 года назад
I, as well, 1984 Musicman...determined to heal, thrive, create anew! Best wishes for you, too.
@kathybrown6678
@kathybrown6678 3 года назад
Truth. I am so gunshy now I don't trust anyone.
@RideAcrossTheRiver
@RideAcrossTheRiver 3 года назад
The one I was with finally needed police intervention to stop the abuse of me. Stalking, harassment, until the property damage and threats came--and arrest with charges laid. It's quiet for me now, even though I feel great sadness that charges had to be laid.
@Angie69
@Angie69 3 года назад
My mother treated me like this the entire time I lived with her. I wish that I knew then, what I know now, thanks to you and your videos. As a child I naturally believed that I was a bad person and that's why my mom was mistreating me.
@christianpulisic7784
@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад
Yo Angie,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
@The_authentic_queen_
@The_authentic_queen_ Год назад
I understand. My mother is the same. Stay encouraged and know, you are who you know you are to be.
@monicatorres4686
@monicatorres4686 Год назад
Awe that saddens my heart! Hugs to you and I wish you healing and light upon your journey of self discovery
@JH-dh7dw
@JH-dh7dw 3 года назад
The more you described this the madder I got. Why did it take me 21 years in a marriage to have enough and walk away?
@z32luvr
@z32luvr 2 года назад
Because you’re a good person and don’t know evil like this existed. Neither did I.
@PlayBetterJazz
@PlayBetterJazz Год назад
They are exceptionally, scary good at manipulating, deflecting, being covert about it. It's disgusting. I wasn't in a relationship with one but was in a band with one. I could never quite put my finger on what that guy's issues were or why I felt like I was going crazy and nobody believed me. Then I stumbled upon Dr. C's videos...everything he said was nail on the head accurate. He saved my life. I got away and went no contact earlier this year after 7 years of dealing with that a**hole. You didn't know because you didn't have the education, and neither did I. Now we do. Knowledge is power!
@Ioncandi
@Ioncandi Год назад
15 years for me. I'm getting ready to leave. It's been tough. He's in the state of starting to talk to me again. I know how this will go and I have to stop it this time.
@annehynynen8153
@annehynynen8153 3 года назад
It's true that they can go from over to covert to back to overt.. And every now and then, they can also appear to be normal or even somewhat fragile and pitiful - just to confuse you and to fool you back in.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
Indeed
@jogriffiths5766
@jogriffiths5766 3 года назад
How very true.
@Jennifer-ng3mw
@Jennifer-ng3mw 3 года назад
yes, especially when they're drunk they become so loud and covert
@soniavos8567
@soniavos8567 3 года назад
Or they are older they use that card alot
@gracescicluna1182
@gracescicluna1182 3 года назад
its actually a mental dissorder
@jeweljones3818
@jeweljones3818 3 года назад
The silence of a covert narcissist screams at you. It still sometimes makes me cringe even though I understand what's happening thanks to these videos.
@kathrin9674
@kathrin9674 3 года назад
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@CM-sm2pk
@CM-sm2pk 3 года назад
I have learned to walk away. If he has something to say I shut it down. I am not giving him any brain space. Frustrates the heck out him. Respect is a two way street.
@k.l.8804
@k.l.8804 3 года назад
Omg. Yes. "The silence of a covert narcissist screams at you". That made me practically insane... Thank God I finally managed to divorce him 2,5 years ago. Wish I hadn't stayed with him all those 14 years though... Still scarred but healing... God that is so spot on... Nightmarish hell that supposedly is aaaaall fine...
@sues3218
@sues3218 3 года назад
Unfortunately, they leave deep scars. It has been many years since I have gone "no contact" and I still cringe at certain things that bring the memories back. Let's face it, we have been traumatized. It will take some time to heal, and I don't know if we will ever fully recover from the memories and hurts. It runs deep. I feel like I have been forever changed. God help us all.
@debraebumpus5501
@debraebumpus5501 3 года назад
@@sues3218 ditto...shell shock at the most innocuous times. It is very difficult to think back on those 40 years...I've had an amazingly adventurous and exciting life, unfortunately all of those memories are so closely tied to him and his abuse I can only look back on them in little doses. I am now "recreating" myself and forging NEW, exciting and adventuresome memories!
@flowerfreedom7168
@flowerfreedom7168 5 месяцев назад
It’s actually really sad what low self esteem they have often they are gorgeous and smart but they are literally so negative they are haters .
@canadianlady777
@canadianlady777 3 года назад
My so called husband has been like this ever since we married...23 years of trying to figure out what was wrong, I finally woke up when I researched the word gaslight...The door swung open wide and I realized what I was dealing with...Since I figured him out, I’ve been turning his ticks back on him and now I hear someone like Les Carter describe my behaviour...I know I’m an empath, a nurse, a real teary eyed suck for someone’s feelings but boy oh boy I did learn well from the best passive aggressive alcoholic covert narcissist...The man who has never been a husband in the emotional or physical sense...
@ellasladek3124
@ellasladek3124 2 года назад
We should start a club , many of us out here , iam also from Canada , also married to one
@Hallie_G
@Hallie_G 2 года назад
I'm in the same boat. It's been 23 long and agonizing years and I'm starting to turn the same tricks he does to me back on him or be 1 step ahead. He is noticing the change in me as I have been learning about narc abuse for a couple years now. Narcs seek out caring empaths on purpose. I also currenty have a narc boss I'm dealing with too. The best way to respond is to not let them see your reaction and just go on like they don't exist or don't matter.
@canadianlady777
@canadianlady777 2 года назад
@@Hallie_G my passive aggressive covert Narcissist just bit the dust...He became the ultimate victim of his own doing....He always sought ways of how to be the ‘ significant victim’...I felt sorry and pity for him all at the same time of his passing....He NEVER wanted to listen or understand how I could be sooooo full of health and vitality...He wasn’t depressed...He was repressing...
@66REDD66
@66REDD66 2 года назад
Well said.🙏
@canadianlady777
@canadianlady777 2 года назад
@@ellasladek3124 ...My Canadian husband passed away in January of a vaccine injury...This narcissistic drama is gone from my life...I don’t miss it one little bit...Sometimes I miss him...
@tazzyslady
@tazzyslady 3 года назад
When you finally get up the nerve to leave them, watch them fall all over themselves trying to get you to come back. They definitely have a problem with the word "No."
@grandmajane2593
@grandmajane2593 2 года назад
Four times I physically moved out, all my stuff, what a job it was, finding an apartment, packing covertly, moving, then got dragged back, not literally, but gently convinced with promises things will be better. Finally, I had to save the money, secretly, then put a down payment on a condo and moved into it. I knew if I bought a place, he would know I meant what I was doing.
@tazzyslady
@tazzyslady 2 года назад
@@grandmajane2593 I'm so glad you found the courage to do that. Way to go!
@Earthether
@Earthether Год назад
o the word "no" , or "i wont do it", starts a temper tantrum, its incredible
@kristahunter1588
@kristahunter1588 Год назад
Oh my God I know I know they always try to get you back so they could run you down again with their car. I know? I really know. How to beat? A. Metaphor to? Death. But you know what it's true. It's like being run over and going on sorry. Let me help you off the road and then run you over again after. You said you feel great terrible how they treat People.
@zwatwashdc
@zwatwashdc 3 года назад
Ironically, what you have to do to shake the narcissist is act like a covert narcissist towards them, grey rock, uninterested, etc. So then they accuse you of being a narcissist.
@irenestar9256
@irenestar9256 3 года назад
@@lilmissraeofsunshine9757 true! I heard Dr. Ramani say that if we ever have doubts about being a narcissist, then we're not, because a real narcissist will never see themselves as a narcissist, as far as they are concerned, they are perfect and could do no wrong.
@christinesbetterknitting4533
@christinesbetterknitting4533 3 года назад
@@lilmissraeofsunshine9757 I actually called a good Christian counselor to review whether I was a narcissist. We were able to determine objectively that I wasn't the narcissist. That is how far my confusion went.
@ingenuity168
@ingenuity168 3 года назад
Right!
@conniepotter2908
@conniepotter2908 2 года назад
Well that answers my latest concerns. I have resorted to giving him back his own treatment, doesn’t feel good at all.
@ingenuity168
@ingenuity168 2 года назад
@@conniepotter2908 It's best to leave the narcissist.
@jameszelaznysr5179
@jameszelaznysr5179 3 года назад
Every place I go these days in public I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone people are walking around like lost zombies with blank faces no communication they walk by like nobody else in the world exist it's a strange feeling never knew it was going to come to this
@cynthiawhite1122
@cynthiawhite1122 12 дней назад
Most are head down on phones even with children and pets...outside having a lovely walk not being present. Kids looking up...looking for attention into vacant eyes. Kids on devices so young, needing glasses way too young. People so stressed, impatient...drivers honking. No one is happy.
@lindanorton2088
@lindanorton2088 3 года назад
This is what my inlaws did to me! I looked crazy trying to explain to my husband that I felt bad when I spent time with his family. They are a sneaky mean.
@christianpulisic7784
@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад
Linda Norton,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
@jackpetersen7545
@jackpetersen7545 2 года назад
Linda Norton,You deserves better 🙏
@lilianamorice7846
@lilianamorice7846 3 года назад
I've always thought silence and withdrawal or abandonament is a passive/aggressive ° attitude. It's as cruel as can be.
@ezrc9294
@ezrc9294 2 года назад
Narcs are cruel - it is in their fabric
@gardener6666
@gardener6666 2 года назад
No if it's a defensive posture or move. You can discard the discarder, devalue them for devaluing you--but there's one difference--you actually have a justifiable reason for doing so. If you really feel bad about leaving--say your piece, and walk out. Explanations are ammunition for this disorder though. Walking doesn't mean you can't be open to reconciliation or apology. It means you're done. There better be accountability or you're out of there. You don't explain to an abuser how they make you feel.
@sharynfoster3255
@sharynfoster3255 2 года назад
What I don't understand is. It is very disingenuous but with such superiority. And the defensive attitude is mind blowing. Thanks for letting me vent. Let's not let them get the best of us. Not worth it
@gardener6666
@gardener6666 2 года назад
Context is everything--ghosting, silent treatment, are a cut off, and abuse. However, if the person declared their finality, spoke their grievance, and wish to be away from you--that's just that: a person that is done. It's the using of the chaos of cutting off--gaslighting, that is the problem. IOW, conditional withdrawal is not abuse, nor is it pathological: "I can't deal with this right now, I will get back to you in a while after I've had a chance to calm down and think about this..." is not abuse. Just vanishing or refusing to speak or take your calls, is. The difference is obvious in practice. Confusion on this might indicate you have a problem of your own--and when it's returned, the confusion arises: what is correct behaviour in this context? Passive aggression is the principle weapon of the covert narcissist--always, a red flag, unless you dished it out first--they're returning the favor
@grandmajane2593
@grandmajane2593 2 года назад
I can tell you something that should have been the last straw for me but I was too stupid to realize men shouldn't act like that. My ex., husband at the time didn't speak to me for a whole week after I had a miscarriage and lost our baby. I felt guilty and thought I deserved it I guess. It was really uncomfortable living in the same house with someone who would not speak to me.
@ourcollectiveinsanity
@ourcollectiveinsanity 3 года назад
having a relationship with these kinds of self absorbed animals is like trying to communicate with a wall, the ONLY thing that can be done is to keep moving , cause there was nobody there anyways.
@flash_flood_area
@flash_flood_area 3 года назад
Like that guy in your profile pic. He sure hoodwinked a mass of people, and he's still at it.
@nodammit
@nodammit 3 года назад
"...there was nobody there anyways." Absolutely hit the nail on the head there.
@PersonalGrowthNow
@PersonalGrowthNow 3 года назад
So true. There is nothing in them to actually listen 👤.
@WollongongSkyWatch
@WollongongSkyWatch 3 года назад
Empty vessels. Ghost in the Shell.
@LL-eg4er
@LL-eg4er 3 года назад
“There was nobody there anyways”, well for plenty of other people, just not for me.
@ladennayoung2939
@ladennayoung2939 3 года назад
They claim to forget things a lot. Smh.
@cathyharris8050
@cathyharris8050 Год назад
I am so grateful to you and your channel. I learned the term Covert Narcissism from you. Husband appears as Mr. Nice Guy to everyone except me. I caught on to him this past couple of years when I was sick. Thank you for helping all of us hurting individuals who live and work with these wretched Covert Narcissist animals.
@wendychavez5348
@wendychavez5348 3 года назад
I love your comment to: "Be who you are. That's your super power!" Finding this channel was a huge step in helping me survive his influence!
@verabolton
@verabolton 3 года назад
Unless you are a broken person. That will make you a perfect victim of these heartless predators.
@shelly5596
@shelly5596 3 года назад
My husband like to play of me with my health issues and treats me like a weakling with no brain
@wendychavez5348
@wendychavez5348 3 года назад
That's so sad, @@shelly5596. Please know that you are a strong, smart, compassionate person--otherwise you wouldn't have married him. Hugs!
@kays7543
@kays7543 3 года назад
I know what you mean.
@OverlandTT
@OverlandTT 3 года назад
True words 👍 Best wishes from the UK
@livinginthehudsonvalley845
@livinginthehudsonvalley845 3 года назад
yep!! exactly! "I'm the nicest person in the world..." so true .... the nicest person in the world except for all the passive aggressive, covert narcissism that went on...
@lindasharpe7039
@lindasharpe7039 3 года назад
Tell me about it. Especially now that they are getting it back. So it's a lot of gaslighting coming from them now. 😂
@livinginthehudsonvalley845
@livinginthehudsonvalley845 3 года назад
@@lindasharpe7039 oh yeah, gaslighting.... it's crazy the things that come out now!
@gracescicluna1182
@gracescicluna1182 3 года назад
oh yes he tried to make me believe that i was lucky to have him in my life ughhh
@user-eu8hj2ek7f
@user-eu8hj2ek7f 3 года назад
@Beate Epp did he act like a amazing father too?
@user-eu8hj2ek7f
@user-eu8hj2ek7f 3 года назад
@Beate Epp I'm so sorry 🥺
@rignard
@rignard Год назад
Making a huge deal of the tiniest nothing, turning it into a “see what you did “ accusatory finger pointing then a huge drama ensues. 2 hrs later its as if nothing happened . shrugging off the drama they caused as if it was a minor issue and” huh? I didnt do that !”
@michigan1085
@michigan1085 Год назад
These are GENIUS! Seriously… I can almost hear my boyfriend saying just about all of these! He would withhold affection by not texting me. It would make me crazy. I finally left him but the “non-communication communication” you mention Dr. Les is spot on! I used to say “he doesn’t communicate with me” but boy was I wrong! Thank you so much!
@tammywallace5611
@tammywallace5611 9 месяцев назад
Mine would often tell me that he doesn't even bother to read my texts because he doesn't want to hear anything I have to say
@michigan1085
@michigan1085 9 месяцев назад
@@tammywallace5611oh wow, how cold. I’m sorry. Then they wonder why we start shutting down. My gut told me months before leaving that it’s time. I’m glad I finally listened
@caobita
@caobita 3 года назад
Also the covert narcissists silently communicates in a way they think they can trigger you to argue, just to proof that you are the bad one in the relationship. In some occasions I just figured out my ex's intentions and ignored that game playing. And when I didn't, figure it out in time, later on I realised and he couldn't trigger me again with the same shit because I would react completely differently. After some years I got pretty well trained and on one hand I am thankful he tought me so many lessons to defend myself from all the other narcs around. When you're immune to being triggered/manipulated they lose interest in you as a source of supply, look for other victims and after a while they stay out of your way. When you can't avoid them try to stay polite and unreactive to their games. Don't forget, it's nothing about YOU, it's THEM and responding wisely instead of reacting to their narc games will give you much more peace. Don't allow them to destroy your happiness and self esteem. There is nothing wrong with you. It's them who are sick
@valentinastrelnikova5036
@valentinastrelnikova5036 3 года назад
M
@okgirl64
@okgirl64 2 года назад
Exactly..then they can sigh and play victim.. Like why are you making the overgrown child sad..
@constancedenchy9801
@constancedenchy9801 2 года назад
Exactly, it is an attempt to trigger a target to make the target look insane
@ThrdWrldGrl
@ThrdWrldGrl 2 месяца назад
There are no words to express the disgust in your own self for having endured this kind of ‘ loving relationship’.
@wildhorses6817
@wildhorses6817 3 года назад
Unfortunately I wasted decades of my life married to that covert. No idea he was a Thief, a Liar, a Cheat. I have learned so much, thank you.
@beverlyorlando8040
@beverlyorlando8040 3 года назад
Im divorcing my covert narcissist after 33+years of marriage. I too have felt that I wasted my best years on this man. But I'm starting to realize that I haven't really wasted anything! Staying in this marriage longer than I probably should've taught me many things about myself. I've learned that I'm a strong, loyal, loving woman who has been given the gift of empathy and compassion. I've learned that sometimes letting go gives us our biggest blessing! I believe that the narcissistic abuse I've endured and am now leaving behind, has elevated me to a higher place. I can change and grow on my journey to healthy living. My narcissist will always stay the same. Pathetic
@nervotica7991
@nervotica7991 3 года назад
@@beverlyorlando8040 - tell me you haven't got a Boyfriend lined up...
@user-eu8hj2ek7f
@user-eu8hj2ek7f 3 года назад
@@beverlyorlando8040 did he act like a amazing father to your kids on social media? My sister in law is a covert and that's how she is
@whatif2336
@whatif2336 3 года назад
Saaaame 😭😭😭
@jackiemacleod5819
@jackiemacleod5819 3 года назад
This is my husband to a T! After 27 years with him i have come to my senses and am making plans to move on. An example of his behaviour last week, I took him into town to have his Covid jab and and before I dropped him off I told him that I had some shopping to do and would he call me so we could meet for lunch. I got a call from him to say that he was at the f*****g car and where was I. I said I was waiting for his call and we had agreed to meet up for lunch. He went off on one stating that he was at the car etc. I stood my ground and he walked back to meet me on the phone all the time, swearing. I was determined not to go running to him like I usually do (I have also come to see sense and making my plans without him). Needless to say I got the silent treatment throughout lunch but I am learning to stand up to him. Outsiders think he is a lovely quiet man, but my friends and family see him as he is, he's been rude obnoxious to them all at one time or another. I am feeling good about myself which I haven't done in a while and my plan is to be out of his 'grips' very soon and start living again.
@Hatbox948
@Hatbox948 10 дней назад
I sure hope you made it out. It sounded so stressful.
@neetsmartin6649
@neetsmartin6649 3 года назад
Never do they have JOY. ALWAYS ready to drain yours. It's so hard when you have the fake sweet guy ha! Being so fortunate to be in his life. Working on getting out !
@jamesarmstrong4179
@jamesarmstrong4179 2 года назад
Neets Martin,You are beautiful,hope you're not with a narcissist....
@thetigerpaw2366
@thetigerpaw2366 3 года назад
Got rid of the covert narcissist in my life and finally feel free!! No contact for two weeks and I'm counting the days joyfully.
@kookietherapy9398
@kookietherapy9398 3 года назад
They will Never make a decision either, forcing you to choose; that way, there is No One to Blame, but You!!!
@kayleemeyer2830
@kayleemeyer2830 3 года назад
Happened to me, it's a red flag i'll be looking out for in people from now on
@GeorgeGlass298
@GeorgeGlass298 3 года назад
Yes! My husband never makes a decision unless it's something he wants and doesn't want my input on.
@erinv7684
@erinv7684 3 года назад
Omg! YES!! This is totally my husband! I use to never deal with decision fatigue but after 18 years with him and now two kids, I can’t stand making all of the decisions anymore, big or small. I’ve lost my brain power! I use to be this outgoing, vibrant, fairly confident doctor! Now, you’d think I have early onset dimension or that I’ve had a stroke 😳 Sadly, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve lost myself. I don’t know where to start. He’s worn me down and emptied me out and I need support but he’s isolated me to the point that my only *real* friends (who also see him for who he is) are 2,000 miles away. I think regularly, daily about leaving him. We did have one 5 mo th period of separation, during which I started to improve. However, our girls are very young anf I can’t bare the thought of only seeing them half the time. I’ve been a loving and devoted mom and, without them, I would be lost. That said, I worry how I’m affecting them negatively by staying with him. He’s not physically abusive but emotionally & financially, he’s off the charts. And, of course, like so many coverts, everyone on our community thinks he’s the best! He feeds off of the constant praise he receives from his patients (he too is a dr). If either of us were going to be deemed “crazy,” it would be me. I’m sure of that. And yes, I may be going crazy because I’m married to a crazy person! How could I possibly stay sane?! I just don’t know what to do? Where to start? I don’t even know if I can work anymore. I can no longer keep anything straight and I’m constantly doubting myself. Help 🙏
@melisherwood9734
@melisherwood9734 3 года назад
Yes exactly! My late narc husband was very passive aggressive and would not say anything definitive..he was like a wall. I could never get a straight answer (or even an answer most of the time). I would decide everything: where we lived, what furniture we bought, try to have conversations with him that never existed). But behind the scenes he was always screwing things up.
@fionabromby4546
@fionabromby4546 3 года назад
My ex husband of 20 years did that did what he wanted never my choice but got blame anyway. His best end to the relationship was when I said please look me in the eye and tell me what you really feel. He glared at me right up close. Almost touching my face with his. And snarled happy now
@tammyshook8883
@tammyshook8883 Год назад
Yes that is exactly how I feel like he likes everybody but me..he treats me worse then anyone
@johnsuggs7828
@johnsuggs7828 Год назад
They always make sure that is the case
@lifeseries7944
@lifeseries7944 3 года назад
OMG! Dr. Carter, you describe my husband to a T! We have known each other for 22 years and married for 17 years. We have 3 sons. I have been pulling the wagon the whole time (emotionally) and he is doing exactly what you described. All these years, I constantly have to guess him or read his gesture. He always uses his silence to say no. I am a good person who is loyal and always do my best. I don't deserve what he treats me and the family. He negatively affects the family so much (but our oldest son likes him so much). He is no role model for our sons. He is a loser, doesn't step up to do anything! When he does a little (like trim the bushes in the yard), he thinks the world of himself. After 20+ years, these are what I learned about him: passivity, unmotivating & non-driven attitude, lacks of social skills/contact, doesn't like crowds, selfish (only think about himself, never for the kids), inflexible (stick to routine), messy/hoarder, clueless, super picky eater (eating disorder), slacker, avoidant personality disorder, lack of executive functioning, anti-growth trait, mindless but covert narcissist is what he really is.
@SurvivingNarcissism
@SurvivingNarcissism 3 года назад
Good grief. If no kids were involved it would be a no-brainer. Just leave. That said, I hope you can manage yourself wisely. The person you described virtually never gets it. Dr. C
@lifeseries7944
@lifeseries7944 3 года назад
@@SurvivingNarcissism I feel very honored to get a response from Dr. Carter, thank you! Yes, if no kid was involved, I could easily go back to my single life. However, we have 3 sons who are teen and pre-teens. They need a dad in the household. He still provides a roof over our head, food on the table, helps out a chore or two. He just tends to do the minimum. He keeps saying I want too much and expect too high. However, I wasn't asking for some expensive LV bag. I just want him to set up, like upkeeping the house, fixing the dripping faucet (he said it's cheaper to pay for the water than hire a plumber), taking the family for a summer vacation (my son wants to go on a cruise or ski trip like his classmates did. I found some good deals online & asked him. He's silence, which means no!), camping/hiking with the boys with a scout troop (mom has been doing that since kids were 6). He controls all the finance and is reluctant to share it. Nobody can challenge him because he is the sole breadwinner and I am a stay at home mom who has no family around and support system. I take care of myself by working out at the gym. It's the way to keep me sane.
@QuasiBlond
@QuasiBlond 3 года назад
Absolutely nailed it! The most crazy making people ever!
@LoriBergvall
@LoriBergvall 3 года назад
Same here. Helpful to know I’m not alone.
@luciapompeiano3220
@luciapompeiano3220 3 года назад
Yes, kind of... 🙄🤔 Bingo!!! 😂😂😂 Amazing ❣️
@loriemckinstry5652
@loriemckinstry5652 2 года назад
Exactly!!!!
@Voyeur53
@Voyeur53 3 года назад
I have watched this video at least 10 times because I am so shocked at how it describes my husband so thoroughly! It has really opened my eyes! I now understand how futile my attempts are to talk with him and to try work through our problems as he has absolutely no desire to do that.
@christianpulisic7784
@christianpulisic7784 3 года назад
Marian H,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@speakingout9740
@speakingout9740 3 года назад
Marian, I totally related with what shared. I’m so thankful I can watch these videos too to help me do what I need to do to keep my sanity. My Narcissistic husband is trying to drive me insane with his narcissistic insanity. I’m trying to figure out how I can get out of this dysfunctional relationship that I CAN’T relate to.
@joyannesloan8384
@joyannesloan8384 2 года назад
I felt exactly the same way, it was like he was describing the person that I was with for 5 years who absolutely destroyed my life the longer I stayed with him. I hope you will find the courage to get away because none of us has the power to change another. Good luck.
@christianpulisic7784
@christianpulisic7784 2 года назад
@@joyannesloan8384 You deserve better dear🙏🙏🙏
@joyannesloan8384
@joyannesloan8384 2 года назад
@@christianpulisic7784 thank you. I have been with a man who truly loves and cherishes me for the last 9 years. It's amazing ❣️
@klarestech9068
@klarestech9068 2 года назад
This was my life with a covert narcissistic ex-husband to a T. I got the silent treatment for months and he would speak to me only after spoken to. One day I left a quote under the refrigerator magnet that said, "Silence is just a louder form of shouting." He silently took it down, crumpled it up and threw it on the floor.
@DistinctiveThinking
@DistinctiveThinking 8 месяцев назад
The silence speaks! It says I do not care how you feel.
@nahmastay7497
@nahmastay7497 3 года назад
My toxic soon to be ex just moved back in the basement while we go into divorce mediation. I say absolutely nothing to him. It may seem petty but after 20 of this abuse, it’s my turn to be silent...but I’m doing it because I’m done.
@lisahurley1174
@lisahurley1174 3 года назад
You need to be very careful in of your safety
@nahmastay7497
@nahmastay7497 3 года назад
@@ChannelZero1031 yes you’re correct and I had an exit plan in the works. He moved in September and I left in January. It was risky but I took precautions. Never was alone with him, identified ways out and I told him that something was in place in the event that something happened to the kids or myself. I told him about an incident that happened before he moved back causing me to call the police and have them watch the house. I know I have it coming so now I’m cautious.
@nahmastay7497
@nahmastay7497 3 года назад
@@lisahurley1174 I agree...he is definitely a sociopath
@redtickhound
@redtickhound 3 года назад
Be careful. The silent treatment really pisses them off.
@christinagipperich2780
@christinagipperich2780 3 года назад
They can fill a room with tension and awkwardness like no one else. Also, if they don’t speak to you, you can’t call them liars. The irony is that when they lie through omission, they are only lying to themselves.
@PersonalGrowthNow
@PersonalGrowthNow 3 года назад
Precisely!
@Acetyl53
@Acetyl53 3 года назад
"The irony is that when they lie through omission, they are only lying to themselves." Doubt it. No need.
@nachannachle2706
@nachannachle2706 3 года назад
They tend to think they are smarter than everyone and that their lies are undetectable; meanwhile everybody can tell that they are full if sh!t. What pisses me off is when people time and time again empower them to spout their nonsense, instead of calling them out openly on it. All in all, bystanders are the ones responsible for empowering narcissists over time. Because when you look into it, it is clear that narcissists are not different from mentally-disabled and cognitively-deficient 3-years-old who truly can't tell the difference between a scene from a Disney movie and a real Prom/Ball. To think that such debilitated people are "powerful" is only the result of the other party's own shortcomings and lack of confidence. This is what needs to be fully addressed, not merely recycled into a blame game. "The narcissist did this to me..." needs to be rephrased as "I was in a poor mental place and allowed a retard to do this to me..." if one is to really move forward in life.
@PersonalGrowthNow
@PersonalGrowthNow 3 года назад
@@nachannachle2706 your comment is absolute gold. Exactly! Thinking these cowards are powerful is retarded. All of us were in a poor mental place to allow these retards the space to do it!!!!!!
@riverlevity
@riverlevity 3 года назад
You just described my 38 year marriage to the nicest guy in the world (others, on the outside, description of him to this day, my family included). We have been apart/divorced for 14 years, (Thank God!) and he is still at every family get together.......just sitting there looking sad and of course silent. He has not moved on, found someone else, and my family still hasn't caught on that he found in them his supply and he gets something out of still making me have to deal with his covert power. It took six years of therapy (my therapist described him as a Wolverine in sheep's clothing, unlike the worldly wolf, he hides in his underground den and attacks silently, quietly and low to the ground and is tenacious at subduing his pray.) At least if he had been an obnoxious overt narc the family would have been happy to see him go. BEWARE of the nice, quiet, non-confrontive, emotionally withdrawn, sad ones. Thank you sir for sharing your knowledge and understanding of the power of silence and it's devastating effect it has on the other person in the relationship.
@timlaw1452
@timlaw1452 2 года назад
100% my experience with my ex. What a relief I discovered this video. I’m not crazy after all.
@joannbyrd6324
@joannbyrd6324 3 года назад
Mine told me I made him weak and then beat me to make himself feel strong. I left him a year ago and he's still trying to hoover me. I am who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin. Checkmate.
@kayleemeyer2830
@kayleemeyer2830 3 года назад
Dude don't even say checkmate, just stand up and walk away from the damn chess table. Winning the game will only bring temporary satisfaction anyway. Then again don't take my advice unless you agree with it
@starrystarrynight52
@starrystarrynight52 3 года назад
My covert narcissist mother gets a smirk on her face when someone's plan falls apart or they fall or trip over something. She doesn't say anything, she just smirks. It's so irritating.
@PegasusysTarotClub
@PegasusysTarotClub 3 года назад
I have a sister like that
@patricelondon3
@patricelondon3 3 года назад
I have this type of mother as well. Horrible personality.
@DB-dd2gk
@DB-dd2gk 3 года назад
Yep, my parents thrive when other people have problems ! Disgusting
@lonelylantern9135
@lonelylantern9135 3 года назад
Yes, narcs are always smirking!
@nigelsenchez
@nigelsenchez 3 года назад
My mom started hysterically laughing when my dad accidentally cut his finger while slicing bread. I told her straight to her face she has issues.
@reginap942
@reginap942 3 года назад
""Man...we are just not communicating"" is what open up my eyes to what really was happening. It started when I google ""How To Comminicate With Your Spuse"" The discovery and realization was very painful.
@Nicole_elizabeth1561
@Nicole_elizabeth1561 Год назад
It's like you know my mother. I've gone no contact for one month and never felt more myself. Thank you for putting to words all the frustration and hurt I've felt since I was about 12 years old. Now I'm 32. So glad I've broken the cycle.
@animalloverswoof4995
@animalloverswoof4995 6 месяцев назад
My dear, I’ve gone no contact with both since 2018. You can do this.
@lynnfincham6839
@lynnfincham6839 3 года назад
If it’s clear that your presence insults the narc, make sure that they don’t have your presence again in the future ... x
@kayleemeyer2830
@kayleemeyer2830 3 года назад
Yes!!!
@h3llnite
@h3llnite 3 года назад
Yup. I’m out once I’m reset elsewhere
@MsSugarDyme
@MsSugarDyme 3 года назад
I was in marriage counseling with my husband and our counselor asked us to take some personality tests. When we got to our communication styles his avoidance level was at the top of the chart. It was so strange like the one place he couldn't hide who he really was on the test. Even the counselor said he had never seen that before and that my husband had an unhealthy amount of avoidance. I had no idea I was married to a covert Narcissist until a couple of months before the discard. The crazy making, gaslighting baiting was becoming nonsensical and I left no room for love bombing and grooming. I am a very logical woman. Because of years of being a cop, I have a great memory and analytical thinking. I don't make decisions with my emotions which Narcissist believe about all women. That they can be manipulated by plays on their emotions so as I began to put the pieces of the puzzle together and pull away from vulnerable, codependent behavior he just up and disappeared like he had never come. Like poof Whodini gone. It's been about 9 months of separation (dissertion) and it's all no contact. I am learning through these resources that this is a good sign- a blessing in disguise. I guess at some point there will be a final resolution of some sort but I am glad I will be ready for it. I've been doing the work 💪🏾
@gardener6666
@gardener6666 2 года назад
I think police or detective work is an excellent metaphor for what figuring out this BS is, good on you.
@quantumfineartsandfossils2152
@quantumfineartsandfossils2152 Год назад
You nailed it, I experienced the same abusive zombie patterns"I had no idea I was married to a covert Narcissist until a couple of months before the discard. The crazy making, gaslighting baiting was becoming nonsensical and I left no room for love bombing and grooming. I am a very logical woman. Because of years of being a cop, I have a great memory and analytical thinking. I don't make decisions with my emotions which Narcissist believe about all women. That they can be manipulated by plays on their emotions so as I began to put the pieces of the puzzle together and pull away from vulnerable, codependent behavior he just up and disappeared like he had never come. Like poof Whodini gone." I hope you are in a great place now, you are such a cool person & woman, thank you for your sacrifice & I wish you a thrilling loved New Years with all your loved ones & family. - a sister in our earth family.
@anotheratreyu742
@anotheratreyu742 Год назад
I've been the victim of a cover narcissist for well over a decade - I am a male and she a female - I also have BPD (that is 99% better now, though I do still get triggered occasionally by her manipulations). I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, I just wanted to point out that there is a common misconception that it is only men who are the narcissist, and it just isn't the case (not to say you thought this way, but as your post focused on the male being the pwNPD I thought I wanted to mention it). Anyhow, I wish you all the best going forwards and happy to hear you got away from them.
@sararichardson737
@sararichardson737 Год назад
You got lucky!
@quantumfineartsandfossils2152
@quantumfineartsandfossils2152 Год назад
@@sararichardson737 agreed her story is super helpful & super interesting & one day algorithms will detect these criminal zombies really easily
@sophial.2438
@sophial.2438 3 года назад
My mother. I don't wish her on anyone. Been looking for a replacement mother my entire life. So incredibly sad. The only good thing that came out of all the suffering was I broke the cycle of generational and narcissistic abuse by standing up to her and completely disconnecting. Didn't spare me, but it spared the suffering of the generations after me. You HAVE TO look at the bigger picture! Just breaking a generational cycle of abuse and narcissistic behavior was worth your life here on earth!!
@interestinglyenough7601
@interestinglyenough7601 3 года назад
“Be who you are, and that is your super power”.
@twopurringcats
@twopurringcats 3 года назад
This is my father, perfectly explained. Aloof, detached and vicious in a quiet way. He is a perfectionist and idolized Frank Lloyd Wright, who was a narc also. Dad is extremely judgmental, haughty and class conscious underneath a fake "sweet but quiet" public exterior. I don't matter to him unless he needs something. Very cold and condescending, disinterested in being a parent. I was their only child. Mom is an overt narc so they seem to balance each other. Two huge egos who valued their career but having a daughter cramped their style. I was last priority all my life. He gets disgusted with me if I have opinions. He says things like "YOU want to give ME advice?". He told me a few years ago he hopes I die before he does. He compares me to my peers with me always being the loser in the scenario. He gives endless unsolicited advice, disgusted by my lack of knowledge on a subject. As if he knows all. Whatever. I'm not a loser or stupid. He loves to put me down and negate or ignore me. So I don't care to spend time with either of them anymore. I was nice to my parents but to narcissists, being nice is being weak. They hate my strong boundaries now. His hostility is terrifying. How dare I be strong, free thinking and successful in my business. He is jealous and threatened. He had a brilliant career so it's very irrational. I'm not as successful as he used to be. Narcs are too toxic to be around. I had no choice but to let go. And they don't care. So difficult, cruel and hostile. I have a good life in peace.
@nervotica7991
@nervotica7991 3 года назад
Carolyn - doesn't seem as if the fear/Authority of the Lord features in their lives at ALL...
@nancyschutt8843
@nancyschutt8843 3 года назад
I'm proud of you... good job!
@dorindab.5305
@dorindab.5305 3 года назад
Carolyn McFann, I hope you are healing. So sorry to hear what you went through. You, your feelings and the entirety of you matter. Big hugs.
@user-eu8hj2ek7f
@user-eu8hj2ek7f 3 года назад
Did he seem like a amazing father in front of others, but behind closed doors a monster?
@psalmsreader7997
@psalmsreader7997 3 года назад
That is heartbreaking. I hope you will find people who genuinely care about you and can be there for you.
@cymbolichuman433
@cymbolichuman433 3 года назад
Mostly they feel that they are smarter than us and we're below them in the scheme of things... Leaving them blind to your intelligence and preferred people skills. Be free in your soul and you'll be free anywhere else.
@angelanicoletti3330
@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад
Cymbolic Human, Amen
@nessamillikan6247
@nessamillikan6247 3 года назад
@broody snoody I feel that. I dated a covert, and any kind of media I liked/was connected to was an inconvenience the moment he was subjected to it. "That music is really repetitive", "Oh no, I don't watch those kinds of shows...((so we can't watch them together))", "You don't need to be showing me this picture of you, it's not relevant to who you are today". No support whatsoever, except when we thought of exciting ideas together ((ie: things to do for him)), and unsurprisingly, I could not ever conjure the inspiration for his sake.
@angelanicoletti3330
@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад
@Redheaded Stranger , Yes indeed. Amen
@annehynynen8153
@annehynynen8153 3 года назад
Survivor's intelligence is always higher than narcissist's selfish schemes that always have the same patterns. They all operate the same way and they cannot handle or face the truth. They are lost from themselves. There is no connection to their inner self. It's to be avoided and hidden - at any cost. See, they don't typically even understand themselves or how to avoid living a miserable life. We know they are miserable. Anyone could see it if they saw what we've seen or heard what we've heard. Only thing they can do to help themselves is to try to make others miserable. We survivors, on the other hand, understand narcissist's behavior, our own behavior and we have learned to be true to ourselves. It's a wonderful thing to be free!
@angelanicoletti3330
@angelanicoletti3330 3 года назад
@@annehynynen8153 , Yes free to be our true selves! I finally let go. Peace and safety to you Anne
@hawksummers
@hawksummers Месяц назад
Someone I thought was a friend said she hated liars and being used. Then I figured out she was lying to me so she could use me. She is silent right now and it is a relief.
@rubycubez1103
@rubycubez1103 3 года назад
You described my mother! She'll forget things I say and blame it on getting old but remember something similar my older brother said a few weeks ago. It's frustrating. I realized how much resentment I actually have.
@monicamonteparte2049
@monicamonteparte2049 Год назад
Mine enjoys bringing up bad memories. No problem with memory there but she can't remember I have a decent job.
@rubycubez1103
@rubycubez1103 Год назад
@@monicamonteparte2049 yep! They'll remember if it's something they can brag about and make them look good to others though. I feel that one on a deep level.
@rcminder1
@rcminder1 3 года назад
Omg 😱 i knew my ex was covert narc but this explains how i was dismissed and abused for at least 20 years!! I’m free- thank you God!
@dianefarley37
@dianefarley37 2 года назад
I am so glad that a fellow sufferer has God in his life, too! Amen! 😃🎈
@peacefulasmr3036
@peacefulasmr3036 3 года назад
I was having trouble with thinking someone in my life is narcissistic because rhey are not brash and overtly grandiose. But this describes them 100%. They do not speak one word when i am trying to resolve or discuss a conflict. Not one. They fall asleep, or sulk up. Never any accountability, any resolution, never any discussion on how we can move forward or make sure the conflict doesnt repeat. So, the things that ive begged them not to do, things ive made clear are very hurtful, keep happening. Does that sound like maybe covert narcissism?
@msprettykawaii950
@msprettykawaii950 3 года назад
Stonewalling for narcs is like your narc spouse will no longer sleep with you in one bed, will not demand things he wants from you, will not notice how you look, will not say thank you for the favor you give, will not care or ask you hows your day. Those flies will never care if youre hurting inside. They like to punish
@janispearson6139
@janispearson6139 3 года назад
Was married to one for many years. I thought I was crazy for most of it. Damaged our kids too, much despair from it. Kids & I are doing so much better since separation & divorce. Much healing has taken place. Wish I had known this long ago. It’s so insidious! I wish everyone on here the best! You all deserve to be treated kindly & respectfully & free to be you!!
@McSwift0421
@McSwift0421 3 года назад
The added barb of, "I didn't say that," comes when they throw out the, "You must be very insecure to think I thought that."
@svetik1587
@svetik1587 3 года назад
Self projection, I guess!
@TremaynePrice
@TremaynePrice 3 года назад
@@krissyr3393 I thought so many times about recording conversations/arguments for that very same reason, but sadly never did. She'd say something just absolutely NASTY and say "That's not what I said" before the blink of an eye. And when I'd repeat the exact line and the lines immediately before and after pretty much verbatim, I got more attitude and grudging admission with the assertion that "Oh, you always have to be right."
@RideAcrossTheRiver
@RideAcrossTheRiver 3 года назад
"Well, if that's how you feel ...'
@donnamiller3013
@donnamiller3013 3 года назад
The abused person can pick up on their “silent communication” it is called dog whistling. I can tell by the look on my mom’s face or her tone what she means and either she wants me to get in line with her thinking or there will be hell to pay. I’m 53 years old took me 50 years to realize what was going on with the relationship. I live my life now and I do not worry about it any more. Emotional intelligence is the key respond do not react if you have to deal with them. Do not respond based on your emotions, get control of the emotions then respond without reacting based on emotions. We allow them control by allowing them to control our emotions. In the end we have the power if we just utilize it.
@cherrybacon3319
@cherrybacon3319 3 года назад
My Ex used to treat me like dirt and speak to me that way too when I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. Then, whoever we came across in public especially women he'd be too friendly or even flirty with. It made me feel jealous and insecure then if he asked what was wrong and why I was quiet he'd end up kicking off when I told him I was upset at his behaviour. I just couldn't win. 🍒
@Hatbox948
@Hatbox948 10 дней назад
My ex narc did this too. When I reached the point though to where I no longer cared, he'd be mad that I wasn't paying any attention to him. It wasn't that he ever loved me, but that he loved me loving him. My affection was his drug.
@TheYoungBuck720
@TheYoungBuck720 2 года назад
I'm an introverted person I don't talk much and I help those around me. When working I say little, when a stranger likes to talk I'll talk for a bit then I'm done I don't want to talk anymore. I've had countless people assume I'm a narcissist because I don't talk to them, then they assume it's because I think I'm better than them. Fellow good introverts I'm sorry if this has happened to you. When people create rumors about me and others easily believe it without asking me, I don't even want to bother explaining because I don't want a relationship with them. Especially if they believe things without checking.
@lorece94
@lorece94 3 года назад
Here's one: "I was KIDDING!".
@cheryldellamano3374
@cheryldellamano3374 3 года назад
Yep, even though they say whatever they said in a serious tone.
@melisherwood9734
@melisherwood9734 3 года назад
I got that too..another way to dance around any responsibility for what they say
@kathybrown6678
@kathybrown6678 3 года назад
Here's an "only kidding" from my ex....Me (very lovingly): What do you think about getting a vasectomy now that we have two beautiful children? Him: But what if I leave you and find a new girlfriend who wants to have kids? hahahahaha! I'm so funny!!
@melisherwood9734
@melisherwood9734 3 года назад
@@kathybrown6678 typical callousness! So glad he is in your past.
@lorece94
@lorece94 3 года назад
Kathy Brown WOW.
@acolley2891
@acolley2891 3 года назад
"Be who you are" that is the best advice. That's how I deal with the narcissist in my life. Minimal contact and refuse to engage when they're trying to fight.
@okgirl64
@okgirl64 2 года назад
Or when they bait you, drop words ( with a dual meaning) then when u question or react ; you are the one who is argumentive ! They are insane.. Lately the guy says to me he doesn't need to tell me about something new in his life..it upset me , plus I've been going thru other personal things.. Then while he was attempting to comfort me he says " I wonder why I do this to myself " I can't make this up.. Same person that forced me to leave his house after moving 7 hours north to.make a life with him. My stuff was outside under a tarp. He was cheating as well.. This newest crap was a week ago.. I think I need a trauma psychologist
@alllifematters
@alllifematters 2 года назад
You forget who you are after awhile and it's hard to find yourself so long as the vampire is in your life
@all4paws508
@all4paws508 2 года назад
Agree!! 🤬 I have to keep some normality for my 3 elderly dogs and 2 elderly cats ..... my heart breaks for them
@WallyMerc06
@WallyMerc06 3 года назад
I noticed subtle changes in behavior. It started a month before it ended with an odd and childish voice she used when she'd say "I love you" or just "love you", then it went to her not wanting to kiss or making a negative comment about my wet lips when I kiss or "what were you eating". I rarely got any more compliments on my looks like I'd give her all of the time and I stopped getting gratitude for helping with chores. I got small critical comments when I'd do something or dismissive tones. Then she stopped affection or pulled away when I tried to, making an excuse like my hands are cold or that felt weird and never reaching back. Then her eyes started to be open when we kissed or she'd look away. Then I stopped getting asked if I wanted anything to eat when she grabbed food out of the pantry, or when she fed the kid and herself, but never put anything on my plate and left it by the stove. The big one was after a long conversation of her talking, then I did my talking and the only response I got was "ok". A week later it all came out and she was done with me. I didn't fuel her narcissism, I wouldn't argue when she'd blow up and curse at me after I spoke about an issue in the relationship. Her second divorce, my first. She masked very well for a while.
@higherselftarot4304
@higherselftarot4304 3 года назад
Great video, you describe it perfectly 👌 They love playing mysterious, for sure They are never to blame 🤣
@jackpetersen7545
@jackpetersen7545 2 года назад
higher self tarot,You are beautiful 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
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