10 TROPES We Hate About Rom Coms 

works for me so yes it is

@MrAranton I don’t believe that’s as common as you’d think…

@MrAranton a good rule of thumb is to take someone at their word. If someone says no to a date, take it as a no. If you’re concerned about someone “testing” you, is that really someone you’d want to start a relationship with? I’d prefer someone to say what they mean and leave tests and games out of it.

​@@lindseystein9676 How often did you initiate romantic interactions with a woman? How often have you dated women? I guess the answer to both is zero times, because had you ever done either, you'd know how insanity-inducingly ambiguous women can be in these matters. Besides: Even if she says "no", that doesn't mean it's going to be forever a no. She might have said no because the man caught in a bad mood or at a bad time and might enthusiastically say yes should he ask again under different circumstances. But this is not information women tend to volunteer, so men need to guess whether a no is a hard no or a no that can be turned into a yes. In the video Jonathan and Allan briefly talked about a man who had a laundry list of expectations. Women have those, too. If you check what women write into dating profiles (things like "if you're shorter than 180cm, I'm not interested, so don't bother to try"), you'll see a lot of them rule out like 95% of the male population before they even talked to them. So: If you're an avarage dude, always respect a no and never try to turn it into a yes, your prospects in the dating world are pretty grim. Most women have no clue what it means live life as a man. If you tell men to take women at their word when they say no, you're essentially telling the vast majority of them to stay lonely. Don't get me wrong: I hate the "persistence will get you the girl trope" too. And I do so with a passion; but for different reasons. Most rom-coms I've watched can be summed up like this: "Man falls in love for no apparant reason, she treats him like shit until she doesn't which is considered the happy end and until then he makes a complete and utter fool of himself." Such plots cannot lead to equitable relationships, a woman who accepted a man based on how he bent over backwards to please her even though she acted like a complete and utter cunt towards him, will always see herself as a princess and him as a serf. These movies were not about love or romance, they were female power fantasies, that objectify men at least as badly as movies featuring a harem full of nearly naked females at a man's disposal objectify women. Yet for some reason the former is widely accepted while the latter is consider smutty and frowned upon. And because Romcoms are acceptable, they influence how women approach dating and relationships with men. All I'm saying is: "Ladies, forget that shit, accept that we are human beings, cut us the according and give us an actual chance." and "Gents: Get a back-bone and don't put up with cunty behaviour while dating, or you'll end up being her doormat."

You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to be a man, but I have asked out and dated a few women before. Luckily I never encountered ones you’re describing. Of course people have expectations, they’re just usually not the shallow examples you’re pointing out. Sure, there are some women who prefer a man taller than her, but it’s really not as militant as you’re portraying. The examples you’re pointing out are definitely in the minority of women. Most women (and people in general) just want someone who isn’t an as*hole, is funny, caring, someone attractive to them (which is very subjective), honest, has job or goal they’re working towards. The women you’re describing who have exact height requirements and play games/“test” men are outliers. It’s more of a movie trope in itself, but some do exist. Honestly, you will piss off and creep out more women by ignoring their ‘no’s’ and keep asking. Again, why would you want a shallow partner like that? Someone who has height requirements, “tests”, or has income requirements are really not the way to go, no matter what they look like. There are plenty of non shallow women out there who would be more than happy with an “average” man.

Ooo, this gets on my nerves big time!

Like ya'll grown why does have to affect many years or hours in the movie to just make up for it.

When one tiny conversation could fix everything but it just never happens, bah

Honestly more realistic than I'd like to admit

Who in this day and age knows how to have a conversation?! People are supposed to just know what I'm thinking without needing me to spell it out! (and how I wish this comment was thoroughly sarcastic, but I have the misfortune to know too many people like that...)

Legally Blonde is such a girl power movie in the best way possible. ❤️❤️❤️

How does that even qualify as a makeover scene then

@@zacharywood9416 Because it matches the story beat

Dang! I never even thought of that as a makeover scene but you’re right! It fits the timing and rhythm of where one would go but it’s just about building confidence not changing aesthetic. Nice!

Good on you! So many men (and women) think they're entitled to you and they're not. Your scenario should be put in more movies.

I think your husbands response showed that he respected your ability to handle the situation while also backing you up.

Bravo 👏 preach it girl!!

Wow. I'm honestly impressed that your husband didn't get involved. So many people get possessive of their spouse, and jump at the opportunity to claim them. It's so admirable that he loved and respected you enough to stay back, let you handle it, and be there for emotional support. And it's also admirable on your part, that you saw the situation for what it was (a sad attempt to win you like a prize, and not some grand romantic gesture.) Its so nice to see that real love and partnership is attainable, if you work for it.

My previous roommate had what she thought was an amicable breakup, they were friends for a few months after but when she started dating someone new (who she's still with 4 years later and seems super happy) he started asking for her back. She told him she wasn't interested and really wanted to just stay friends like they previously agreed. He showed up on valentines to serenade her and give her flowers in the morning. She was sobbing in her room and said she was really uncomfortable about the whole thing. Rom coms are cute as movies and stories, not real life.

Talking about great romantic cartoon moments, Gravity Falls has FANTASTIC romantic arcs that taught me really important lessons that spared me a lot of awkwardness in my pre-teen and teenager years. The scene I love the most has to be the rejection between Wendy and Dipper. Rejections are usually like the worst thing that can happen to a character and their portrayed like these apocalyptic events that will completely ruin the character's life. Gravity Falls rejects this notion and shows that just because someone rejects you it doesn't mean that the world's over, or that you need to stop being friends with them. And to top it all of, Dipper teaches this lesson to Gideon by the end of the series. "If I've learned anything this summer, it's that you can't force someone else to love you". Gravity Falls is my favorite animated series, it has amazing lore and worldbuilding, hidden codes and subliminal messages, really creative and original concepts, but it also has really important emotional lessons that other shows didn't really dive to deep into. I love that series.

💕

@@qwertydavid8070 Gravity Falls is amazing! I want Cinema Therapy to cover the Dipper/Wendy dynamic. It's so beautiful animated overall that Alan might enjoy it as well.

@@qwertydavid8070 you've just sold me on gravity falls - I'm off to watch it

@@qwertydavid8070 omg Gravity Falls was so good but that moment was AMAZING! I loved it so much, so many kids cartoons would have the crush of the main character... when the characters are practically Toddlers?! So seeing a healthy rejection and dealing with it was so great. Wendy is one of my fave chars

Idk I think I’m the only person on earth who likes the Disney one.

In all fairness, they were telling her to kill him so she could turn back into a mermaid and not have to turn into sea foam. As a kid I was always so annoyed that she didn’t kill him. I thought that would’ve been a pretty nifty twist

@@otterzrkuhl you like what you like! But it's also good to recognize unhealthy relationships for what they are.

But she rather let herself die, or better become an "air spirit" and help poor souls for 300 years to earn going to heaven. She couldn't hurt the prince because she loved him and he was happy. He was kind to her but only saw her as a friend or a ward. Also, the story is an allegory of Andersen's omosexuality. He was probably in love with a man who ended up marrying a woman.

Doesn’t she also become foam?

I love this!!!

This is BEAUTIFUL

Ok, THAT'S one of the few times the miscommunication trope would actually work and be believable 😅

So, when/how did they clear up the misunderstanding?

But.... _did_ they ever get that very first miscommunication worked out? 😂

Or some other barier to the relationship gets in the way like in Yesterday.

Yup. It almost always involves two people of the same gender (often dudes, though not always) laying 'claim' to their romantic interest and NEVER EVER EVER ASKING WHAT THEY WANT OR RESPECTING THEM ENOUGH TO BACK OFF AND LET THEM DECIDE.

@@DimaRakesah what I've seen a bunch of times is the "we both love you, and even though you never thought about (at least) one of us that way, you have to decide now"... And she always chooses the dude she didn't even like romantically in the first place... And there was no shift in perspective, nothing...

The "love corner" or "love angle", is absolutely horrible... The (or rather my assumed) reason we don't see a real love triangle in common media is because it'd involve some level of queerness, which the cinema isn't ready for apparently...

@@nikk-named i mean, the Hollywood love triangle is a valid triangle, its just that the 3rd leg is hate.

@@DimaRakesah thats one of the things i respected about the note book - i mean theres misogyny in the movie 100% not the best romantic reference but when shes choosing between the two, both men respected her decision and understood that it was up to her to make that call.

That sounds like a complete rewrite that dramatically improves it. I'd be curious to see that.

Oh man! that's way more better!

The movie Eric was dumb and needed fish to sing to him - it's the best song of the movie but "Kiss the Girl" was something that she could have communicated with body language if Ariel had been listening to Ursula at all.

Holy crap that is AWESOME! Much better than the movie!

I love that this. It's so much better than the film

same tbh, i didnt rlly think that deeply about it, and also got more annoyed when the love triangle would just drag out when it was obvious which person they'd pick.

I married the good guy, but I love my vanilla life. Stability, kindness and loyalty over action any day for me. I can make enough excitement, I need the mellowing influence.

Honestly, the best solution to love triangles (in fiction at least) is polyamory. Skip the drama and pick both options.

I think the love triangle looks so forced and unrealistic. It is annoying.

SO TRUE

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Wolves in movies: humans are food! Wolves in real life: ugh humans are noisy

😂

A wolf tried snatching up my Yorkie 😢😂

​@@emjhendrickson8290 oof that must have been scary .

Wait. Why did they have wolves?

Best twist ever

@@nicolasdiaz1542 I was too young to really know all the reasons in full but my guess is mainly because we had 10 acres of land in the middle of nowhere. Edit: we didn't have a bunch of them. We had two adults and their pup. That's it.

I want to see THAT movie!!

@@zenfrodo SECONDED.

Ironically if you really feel the way you say you feel, you actually have a healthy understanding that you don't "need" another person to be truly happy and that's why you are MORE LIKELY to end up happily married over those who elevate their idea of a perfect spouse to god-like level perfection and the only way for fulfillment and worth.

Hugs to you “Who knows at this point”. My daughter also doesn’t follow into stereotypes when it come to romance. May you find your way to surround yourself with the people who become your chosen family, in whatever form that needs to take.

A-FREAKING-MEN-

@@kwalker123 pls be my mom

@@dione__fernnn A wise man once told me, "Family don't end in blood." And some times it need not start with blood either. May the Creator bless and keep you on your journey.

I find the ending of Grease so frustrating because it’s so close to a great resolution: Sandy and Danny both try to completely change for one another, realize this when they see each other, then laugh and resolve to stop worrying about how everyone else sees them and just be their genuine selves, restarting their relationship from a place of honesty and self-confidence… But no, instead Danny takes one look at leather-pants Sandy, decides that her being the one to completely change is great actually, and immediately reverts back to his cool-guy persona. He tears off his white jersey and tosses it aside, and then moments later we see him back in his trademark leather jacket, with Sandy hanging off his arm from the passenger seat of his car as he drives off, the coolest kid in school who has learned absolutely nothing about self-worth.

@@kaniamiawell done

@@kaniamia perfectly said

Agreed. Every time I see that I think “The fact that beauty is subjective and 80% of the world finds it hard to get that through their heads absolutely baffles me”

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs had a pretty good diversion to this trope. It ended with Sam putting her glasses back on and hair in a ponytail.

"That's it, I did it. I'm a miracle worker!!"

Oh no not Janey briggs! She’s got glasses and a ponytail. She’s got paint on her overalls 💀

I want to see the trope done with what really happens. . . Gets make over and people are still a*****s but they get some back handed compliments here and there.

When Harry Met Sally does this really well.

I'm always more okay with this trope if they earn it. Give me some time to watch them, let them actually talk and grow, THEN they can be lovers or partners. And just one scene doesn't count lol

Yeah, i do like it , but more in shows were there is more time to develope it.

@@TaheerahA Exactly the example that came to mind.

In my opinion, there’s two types of enemies to lovers: one is ‘opposing people learn how to reconcile their differences and then build a relationship from that’, and the other is ‘you are a horrible person but you have a great ass so I’m going to do a ton of unreciprocated emotional labor to “make” you change even though you treat me like shit, and this will somehow work out in the end’. One of them is an interesting and sometimes heartwarming plot, the other is abuse mentality with a pretty coat of paint.

I love the couple, but upon rewatching the movie I noticed how toxic her family is, especially her dad. Some of his behavior is inexcusable and so childish. I think Ian and Toula have to accept too much from them, simply because the family refuses to evolve. Their controlling behavior is presented as love. But if you really love someone, you should be able to listen and learn. It's a wonderful movie though, and I still love it.

@@BellaMusical oh for sure! thats why I like that the movie presents his behavior as wrong too and part of the story is him learning to change too if he wants to keep his daughter. Toula and Ian definitely have more patience with it than I would've lol Funnily enough, my neighbors who are this big Italian family did the same thing when their son got married a decade ago and bought him the house right across the street from them.

Thanks!

Good comment!

Thank you. ❤

Agreed.

Yes! Destroying belongings is a type of abuse. The music in that movie is great, but the story is terrible.

Eric falling for Ariel I think was more than just a pretty face. I'm not sure what the term would be but she saved his life. So her saving his life, while he was in a daze yes she was beautiful and had a beautiful voice (siren?) made him enamored by her. Then he sees her and she doesn't have a voice, even though he feels deflated you can tell he kinda still identifies her as his savior (he's correct but he just doesn't know it). But the days he spends with her he falls in love with her expressions and her excitement for everything they do. She seems to make everything fun for him and even grimsby said something about him not smiling in weeks, so she makes him happy and makes him laugh. He then encourages more because he takes her out and about to try more new things. She didn't need to speak for him to enjoy her company, he enjoyed her emotions, excitement and reactions and was willing to entertain anything she wanted to do (he showed her around but she even ends up pulling him around pointing to things she wants to do and he let her yank him around.) So it definitely was more than Eric just fell in love with a pretty face, that definitely was apart of it but not the only thing.

Huge agree like Ariel was a collector she studied humans as much as she was able and her dad didn’t give af he thought it was dangerous and tried to destroy the physical manifestation of it with the collection (i kinda remember him doing something or saying something along those lines)

YES YES YES! My favourite princess since childhood😍

Aww, adorable.

that's so adorable omg it reminded me of "about time" 🥺

I can relate to this. My husband proposed to me in our livingroom with no one around and it was such a relief. I hate being the center of attention and big romantic gestures make me feel awkward.

Lovely! I also would not want a public proposal. It's like inflicting public peer pressure on the one being proposed to. What if you feel pressured to say yes just so you don't embarrass them?

My sister once said that public proposals should be considered a type of hostage situation and I can’t help but agree 😂 Your spouse’s way sounds way sweeter!

Been there!! Exactly like that. Then it feels crappy cuz now you have none. X____x

I have no experience with love triangles but from books I've read, the other two people seem selfish to me, because they never can do anything to make the person getting their affections life any easier. They just completely negate their agency and make their feelings the girl's problem.

I've also been in a similar situation, and I did the same thing. I broke it off with both of them and was just single for a few years. Then I met the man I married. We were exclusive from the start, and there was no guilt, pressure or anything. He's pretty amazing, and was totally worth the wait.

oh my God my story is almost exactly the same!! I already was friends with him but ended up very seriously dating and marrying my partner:D@@SusieQ3

Yep. I have been in several love triangles and the consequences ranged from mild heartbreaks to severe trauma and violence. Can't recommend. That said, I once read that in medieval Germany, the church persecuted an old custom where a woman would marry two men. One thing it actually did for me was that I felt a lot "safer" at first with two guys "protecting" me. However, a better way to deal with this was PTSD therapy, cause where I live, there's actually not much to get protected from. Might have been different in more violent times.

That's part of a different trope: the one where women do insane things because they are feeling insecure so it is up to the man to reassure her that he is 'actually' a good guy, even as he has done nothing wrong. Yuck.

I agree SO HARD. SARA should have been the one apologizing to HITCH literally all Hitch did was give men the confidence to feel like they were cool enough to approach a woman they were into. When Hitch says he did not a god damn thing, his moves weren’t what the women fell in love with- it was the men themselves. BUT it made a huge difference for these nerdy, awkward men who didn’t think they would even be noticed. Albert would have been shaking a pen in a board room still rather than chucking his inhaler and kissing Allegra. Sara is the worst part of the movie for me.

That part melted my heart

I also liked how it wasn’t to change her to change her. It was to prevent their sibling(s) from being taken away. People of a certain status have to dress and speak a certain way. Being with their aunt allowed her to have the education she wanted, but she stayed true to who she was.

YO NANNY MCPHEE WAS MY SHIT but yes! I totally agree it was such a great film and everything that is the only “makeover”I accept

That is such an underrated movie!

Nanny McPhee was such a boss. That movie was awesome. I'll have to watch it again soon. It's been way too long.

Literally how abusive relationships start…

In a word: TOXIC

Yep, instant red flags. Elle from "The Kissing Booth" and Anastasia from "50 Shades of Grey" must be colour blind, since they missed ALL of the warning signs!

​@@trinaq AND Bella from Twilight- Edward literally said he was FOLLOWING her when he barley knew her- and thats not even the worst part of their relationship

Real life version is not fun 😕

one of my favorite books of all times is a trilogy series that tackles every part of real romance! in the first book they meet and gradually fall in love in a real tangible way, and then get together at the end, after a really traumatic climatic final battle. in the second book its them having to deal with the reality of starting a relationship while also dealing with the trauma of their adventure from the first book, the male lead has a rough past with an alcoholic mother and he wants to become a therapist, and so the entire conflict between them is really well done bc neither of them are straight up fucking villains, theyre just traumatized young adults trying to cope. He starts to overcompensate for their trauma by becoming overprotective, and the female lead starts to see inklings of another battle on the horizon but the hints end up melding with ptsd symptoms that make it clear shes not doing well, she doesnt focus on her health and instead saving the world essentially and her boyfriend is rightly worried. They both are valid but acting unhealthily, and its just SO complex and well written. By the third book theyre able to come together and see where they were both in the wrong and reconcile their relationship while also saving the damn world and its just really beautiful written and quite literally two of the best and most unique leads in a romantic fantasy i have ever read, hands down tied with my other favorite book series as my number ones

@@ariannebrodeur What series is this?! That sounds right up my alley.

They are boring without Chemestry

The most important part Eric was a genuinely great guy, unlike other princes

Good point. It's hard to find someone to geek out with. That was 1 of the main reasons I dated a guy. We connected through art, and I still relish those moments.

This is why I love the original fairy tale. He ends up marrying someone else and she dies and becomes sea foam. Make over didn’t work. Too bad.

There's no heart and soul to the remake, the music isn't excellent like in the first movie, BUUUUUUT I loved that they made Eric more like a real person and they showed a real relationship forming! None of the old "he/she's very pretty, which means I love him/her, let's get married tomorrow!" crap. Also it was great in the Frozen movie everyone tells Anna it's a bad idea to marry a man she just met. 😂

We don't deserve Hayoa Miyazaki

I don't agree with the second one. my ex loved me but she hurt me also and she did not help either most of the time.

@Day I think you have a point because I doubted her intentions as well but I think of married couples that are really toxic but there is still lots of love with that. I think people just have personalities that don't help them out when it comes to love but they still love regardless.

@Day thank you!!

The "read more" cut off the end of the quote and I was thinking to myself "Huh, this sounds like a Ghibli movie"

And that's when True Detective and Interstellar happened.

It sucks getting typecast in a role that you HATE! Glad it worked out for him so he could continue to flex-act at us with how awesome he is.

@@prince_nocturne Good point, I could imagine that some characters are fun to play again and again - some nerdy scientist ending up in an adventure, a soldier being forced to face the inglorious financial interests behind the war he's fighting ... anything but not something so predictable and repetitive as "rom-com hero"; you might just as well play the exact same character over and over.

#RESPECT 👏👏👏

@@Julia-lk8jn That's why I feel bad for actors that you only see in Hallmark movies

That reminds me of The Book of Life lol like they do petty fights now and then but at the end of the day they're all best friends

Then you NEED to read Dracula. Lucy Westenra has three suitors who all love her, and she loves them to some degree, but they're also best friends. When Lucy choose to accept Arthur Holmwood's proposal, Quincey Morris sends him a letter saying he and Jack Seward want to have a bros night out and celebrate their friend's happiness.

Yeah, feeding the cute birdies with her causes her to fall in love with him. LOL XD

I don't know about that. Right before that scene she goes into the west wing, he screams at her to get out and she leaves the castle. Not just the wing. He chases after her, probably to drag her back there. The wolf attack was a lucky break for Beast. That doesn't happen and he's dragging Belle back to his castle kicking and screaming.

Exactly, she doesn't start really developing romantic feelings for him until after he lets her go back home. Sure, there's affection, but it wasn't really romantic before that because as friendly as they were, she was still trapped there. She does se good things about him, but still only sees him as a friend.

I agree with you. I see it as him sort of reclaiming his humanity in a sense. Because then he shifted from being this Monster, to being somebody who is capable of being caring and selfless. It shows that he wasn't going to let a person die if he could help it, the motivation itself was not a romantic one. This helps steer Belle into a friendship with the Beast, but she does not fall in love with him there.

Exactly. That’s how I’ve always seen it

i dont think it works at all. When have you heard of two people who knew each other since childhood falling in love. Also unrelated but in regards to the "trope" of "woman has to change who she is to get the guy" they're assuming (wrongly) that who a woman is has to be centered around how she looks. But if a woman who dresses in sweaters and corduroys decides to change her style to attract a particular guy, her personality and brain didn't get swapped out with her clothing. She's very likely, unless she's very uncharacteristically suggestible as a person, to have her own mind and interests still.

This comment reminded me of the movie "Life as we know it" amazing movie if anyone has not seen it I do recommend it. Might not be the best movie and I know the main actress has like a weird reputation but it is literally this. They hate each other--> tolerate each other--> actually start liking each other as people until they eventually catch feelings and want to be together

i love the "they have tons of misdirected sexual tension that comes out as bickering. and everyone around them except for themselves can see it and goddammit just kiss already pls put us out of our misery" and the "they're on opposite sides of a cause but both come from the same place and have lots in common. after hearing each other out, one of them either switches allegiances or they realize both sides are in the wrong and go off to do their own thing" also "bc of a series of humorous misunderstandings and accidents (bc character B is really clumsy and also A is very attractive and its distracting), A thinks B hates them. B keeps trying to apologize but keeps making it worse. until one day they finally sit down and have a proper conversation which ends in them holding hands and planning their next coffee date" or "they're rivals (usually sports rivals but we take any work/school environment) who dont like each other. one day they have a convo and realize they have a lot in common, and they eventually end up as lovers. they still compete but now it's all friendly. and filled with sexual tension" and!!! "they're very different people on the surface and as a result always clash with each other. but they like actually talk and find out they're very similar deep down. they become friends with a newfound respect for one another, get some character development, and bam. lovers." these are just some of my fave but im sure there's tons more. enemies to lovers is my all-time fave trope and i will live and die by it

@@greatpower6063 "When have you heard of two people who knew each other since childhood falling in love" ...prior to the early/mid-1900s nearly everyone who married knew each other as kids? If you never travel more than 10 miles in your entire life, your dating pool is kind of limited. All my relatives in my parents' generation and older knew their partners for their whole lives.

Agree

Anyone but you. Ben harasses Bea all the time and her sister refers to it as flirting!

I used to summarize a lot of romantic speeches by male characters like this, "I love you with the loviest love-love that has ever been loved by a lover. LOVE ME!"

I hate movies where the love interest is basically just a reward for the main character. Give the main character a box of chocolates or a shiny medal or something instead of a human being!

@@Supernova493 right, a common thing movies do at the end of movies is give everyone a love interest as their reward or gift??? Uh we’re talking about humans here.

Irl it's the opposite 💀 If a girl is into a guy and the guy rejects her The guy is automatically seen as narcissistic or someone who's too choosy as if preferences don't exist or that there are people who aren't ready for a relationship If a beautiful girl confesses to a guy, it doesn't matter if the guy's attractive or not, he's gonna get treated with some gossiping because he rejected someone. On the other hand, some might look to him and think it's badass hahaha It's a confusing world

@@Eloraurora So.....that wouldn't do it for you?

As a curly haired woman with glasses, I have it even worse. Cause I'm always sent the message that if I straighten my hair and wear contacts I'll suddenly be beautiful.

‘Why my dear, you are beautiful’… 🤮🤮🤮

Same here, now I love glasses 💙

Glasses are sexy. Always thought so. Always will. Honestly I was shocked first time I heard someone say that glasses were not attractive.

@@VidralliaArchives It's a social construct perpetuated by the media.

Omg, yes! If I get home and a chore has been done, I feel respected and loved because they took something off my pile of chores.

This reminds me of a scene in Fleabag where a guy sinceres with the protagonist about what he wants and says "I want to take clean cups out of the dishwasher and put them in the cupboard at home...... and the next morning, I want to watch my wife drink from them."

Not sure how much of a romantic gesture it is if you clean the kitchen in 15 minunes where SHE spend 2 hours preparing dinner before.

@@andreasu.3546 I can honestly tell you, no matter how much time it takes me to make dinner, someone cleaning the kitchen instead of me is a romantic( from the spouse) or sweet(from the kids) gesture and is very much appreciated. Don't tear down something you wouldn't appreciate.

@@heathercontois4501 Well good for you. However, I think in 2022, males doing household chores is not a romantic gift but something you can expect in a relationship.

I feel that. That’s how it felt on my first date with my now husband. He was the only person I’d ever felt completely myself around and who I was attracted too at the same time. And we could talk for hours and it felt like minutes. Usually with a cute guy, I always felt awkward, like I had to adjust who I was to please them.

Thats how my fiance woed me. He is fantastic person.

I met my husband on myspace, so I totally feel this.

I LIKED THAT AS WELL!9

Precisely, he didn't take advantage of a drunk girl, but I was also a little confused as to WHY she got super mad at him for NOT kissing her under the influence!

Yeah, me too. It's totally okay that Cat was embarrassed, but she should have been the one who had to do a musical number to mend fences🥰🥰

@@trinaq She wasn't thinking straight and thought she was being insulted. Surprised she managed to remember it after thr booze wore off.

Correct. But also that should be as normal as breathing and therefore not something you notice. Unfortunatly the bar for decency is in hell.

@@trinaq Cause she felt rejected. She wasn't really angry at him she was agry at herself for letitng someone else in and having that door slammed in her face (as she saw is). There was no win there, he made the right decision the lesser of two evils. That said he could have been a bit more upfront about it. "Look I really do want to kiss you but I want to be sure it's you who wants to kiss me not just the alchohol."

Yeah and then she dies. Fucking bullshit. I hate that movie.

And also, you shouldn't want your partner to give up everything for you--as in, you shouldn't demand someone change to fit your ideal (if they can't "live up to" your standards, you should be looking for a different partner), and if they're offering to give up everything for you...run. That's obsessive and they're not going to have healthy boundaries later.

Surprisingly though, I'd say that's one of the more realistic ones. Off the top of my head, I think about a lot of my fellow LGBT+ friends who had to leave their narrowminded families if they wanted to love their partners authentically. It can send the wrong message, but sometimes I get it.

@@akiramakara2062 Good point, but I do think that that is pretty different to my example. It is one thing to make sacrifices because external pressure forces you to, and another to have those pressures come from your partner.

@@botondhetyey159 Just wanted to point out that I've seen that movie and it was not the love interest that forces him to give up being an angel. It was his angel "family" and he did it before she even got to meet him. So, your example was not different. However, you are 100% right that we shouldn't have to give up everything for your partner and that boundaries are healthy :)

second best movie of 2023 imo. Loved it. Very poignant and real.

How? That's just being a decent human being to clean the kitchen from time to time if you live with someone.

@@DaDunge it depends on the situation and how people understand love. It's like those who like getting gifts vs those of us who have full panic attacks when being given something.

@@DaDunge Your mistaking daily chores in fits and starts versus actual effort. If someone makes a real effort of course that's a romantic gesture

Why not both 😂 I had to except years ago that my husband just doesn’t have that cheesy romantic side.

@@DaDunge that deep clean, fridge cleanout, baseboards, mopping, backsplash all that stuff is exhausting and it takes time and effort. For someone to go out of their way to take that initiative is thoughtful and am act of service (a love language).

you might like a webcomic called Girl Genius then. there's a compelling love triangle, but the characters prioritize getting out alive

I guy in college I was holding a candle for turned out to have a girlfriend of five years. I barely talked to him before I took him to my service organization dance. He and a friend literally fought it out in Europe to see who would win the right to love a girl and he won. That was pretty creepy. He was smoking hot. I sent him a friend request on Facebook and he never responded.

Thank you. Finally someone says this. Love triangles are the absolute worst cliche. If it happened to me in real life, I would honestly consider dropping them both and go home to my romance anime and web comics. I will never want that kind of drama.

*Flips imaginary hair.* Ex-cuuuuuse me! I've never seen guys fighting over furniture. But let there be a sale, especially on Black Friday, and it's the *girls* being brutal as hell over it.

@@ryangreen6255 🤣🤣🤣 You're sadly not wrong. That's why me and my family shops online now. Thank you for the laugh though, I definitely needed it.

young men learn about love from their parents, and movies. We quickly find out the movie shit does not work, and if your parents arent together or have toxic relationships, you learn that you know nothing.

This. And going like "ok, is nobody going to ask my opinion on all of this?"

That is because there needs to be a gay for there to be a triangle and unfortunately there aren't a lot of film companies brave enough to have a gay that is actually an important part of the story. I want an asexual in the corner and two gays competing for the ace to impress each other.

@@brookenash8729 twelfth night managed to make a true love triangle that was technically straight but there’s definitely gay undertones

Whether it's with 2 guys or 2 girls, I think you're right. An actual love triangle in a literal sense would probably be a lot more... polygamous, rather than competitive. You have two competitors and one prize. Actually I'm going to use those terms to make this more clear. I've made the mistake of getting into a "love triangle" in high school, where it was a lot more of a versus. The only solution was to end both attachments, because attempting to build a relationship with either competitor afterwards just left the prize feeling unrectifiable doubt over if they made the right decision, since they now viewed each option as simply that: an option.' And as for the competitors, they were left wondering if they'd ever be enough for the prize, even if they already had gotten picked. In this instance, the prize actually dated each competitor individually afterwards too. Both ended exactly the same way: realizing that there was no love, and the most that either the competitor or prize was there for was physical satisfaction. Ever since then I've formed a very strong sense of "if they aren't willing to choose now, then neither they, or you, will be happy when they do." The post-relationships where they were one-on-one didn't end well for anyone, and only caused more pain for every person involved since there was: A) "Did I pick the right one, and have I already hurt them irreparably?" - The One Who Picked B) "Am I enough for them, and will they stay with me?" - The One Who Got Picked C) "Why wasn't I good enough for them?" - The One Who Didn't Get Picked If it makes a difference, I was the one being fought over. And that's something I still haven't forgiven myself for.

@@silverfoxspectre OMG. Not a movie, but The Bachelor or The Bachelorette reality romcom, love thirty_odd_angle. These people are making out with multiple partners within days (or hours) of making their fateful choices. Ew. 🤢🤮🙄

Even just being passed by wolves is incredible! They're normally human-shy, aren't they? Whether or not it was the wolves that scared him off, I'm glad your friend is safe now.

@@pearlofthedarkage mhmm i have seen wolves before but usually far away and im in a car. Where my grandparents lived there were several wolf packs out there so we got to hear them howling at the moon at night and it was nice to fall asleep to

Good job wolves!

@@pearlofthedarkage Usually very human shy! I know (well met, on a holliday) a guys that was saved from wolves! But het was saved by his horse

The wolves are preferable, glad they were able to help!

I just posted a comment how awesome and poignant the “boring” gesture of Ben Affleck doing all the dishes and cleaning touched Jen Aniston’s character. I always cry in that scene cause it’s not at all boring but so moving! And they set it up so well by showing how useless, thoughtless, and uncaring her brother-in-laws are. I love that movie (the book was also good)

Or watch them relapse.

Absolutely yes. I think that kind of, sort of happened in the last two seasons of Buffy, with something that started out as a stalkerish obsession, than turned into really unhealthy wild sex ... and then after one massive act of self-change *still* took an entire season to turn first into friendship, possibly romantic love. And wasn't that an element in Californication, too? Only watched one episode of that. I love tv-shows with season-spanning story arcs, it allows for so much better story telling.

This is why I prefer tv, in general, over movies. Especially if I really like the characters and 90 minutes is not enough lol

the trial and error component is what the movie should be about

Yeah, really the most damning thing about rom coms is you go the whole movie getting jerked around about it, and then when you finally get to the actual good and interesting bit, i.e. the actual RELATIONSHIP, the movie's over! Like c'mon I want to see what these people are like as a couple at least a little!

same. and cleaned the floor/vacuum?? duuuude

I'll take that over the marching band or public serenade Any Day.

A neck massage and a big, warm hug would also do it for me. 💜 No need for a marching band and a flashmob to get me. 😂

Me too! I hate chores lol

The Whole kitchen?! Like sweeping and wiping down the counters? God yes please.

Have you seen our P&P (2005) reacts? ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-r5cqa9V0mUo.html

@@CinemaTherapyShow I haven't I'll definitely go watch it now!! Btw love so much your work guys! Thanks! ❤️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

And it's based on the real life romance of the lead actress , who also wrote it. This one and The Big Sick, which is also a true story , are almost the only rom coms I really enjoyed.

It's in the series though. And it's good!

i dont remember the book and i couldnt watch the older movie - but the joe wright movie is brilliant because the second time you watch it you can clearly see how she and yourself totally misunderstood darcy's character. hes just different and behaves different and people who dont understand that misinterpreted his intentions. My housemate is similar - hes totally different and i thought he was a dick when i met him but it turns out thats not the case and we're friends now. its not just a great romance story but its also a great life lesson - stop making snap judgements of people.

@@floopyboo Absolutely! The 8 ep series with Colin Firth is wonderful. I highly recommend!

@@Lady_Cassandra it was amazing, I’ve read the book so many times and loved that the series quoted so many lines of dialogue from the book. It was so well done.

Love that version of pride and prejudice!

that's such a thing tho. These moments work with beauty standards that are eurocentric and just overall trash

Curly hair is so much prettier than straight when it's well cared for.

@@kohakuaiko that's your opinion and I think so too, it's that's not what this is about tho :D

Thanks for making this point, like an idiot I hadn't even noticed this, ever xD

@@kohakuaiko hmm, isn't that just the same idea in reverse though? If every person with straight hair had to get it made curly for makeovers, it would still not be ok ;)

Many European movies are like that too. And you have soap operas.

@@noctusowl meh.. Not a big fan of soaps. Tbh 99.9% of American TV is just adults being horny.... But thumbs up to European movies.✨✨

If it's at the end of a kdrama, those long moments are so hard-won that they are delightfully swoony. But if it occurs in the middle of the series, it's ominous. You can enjoy it nervously and with anticipation because you know something horrible yet exciting is coming up.

@@Chatoyancify oh most definitely ✨✨

@@okumurax8839 missing out on novellas

Shakespear had... I think it's 12th Night? Two girls, one guy; but one girl is disguised as a guy so the other girl thinks she's in love with "him" while the disguised girl is in love with the guy, who if I remember right was going after the other girl. Ta-da, triangle.

Yeah, love triangles suck IRL and in movies. My husband and his best friend both liked me in high school but I only ever showed interest in my husband and yet his friend saw it as I liked him first cause I had met him first??? Anyway, clearly things didn't go well. I chose my husband, his friend chose to call me a backstabbing whore, and then his friend ran away and got a therapist cause I "ruined him". It was like- WTF?!!!

I completely agree with you. Love triangles are totally unrealistic and usually don't happen in real life, and when they do, it's way messier than what is shown on TV and movies. Like, if I were in that situation were it was between me and another woman, CHOOSE THE OTHER WOMAN.

@@oldladytrexarms That is honestly BS. Like. Blaming you for something that you can't control and never tried to tell him any different. I have always hated watching love triangles for many, many reasons but IRL ones... are still worse.

Oh it’s the most painful and cringiest thing. It’s never pretty, it’s never civil. Someone always loses and is usually petty or resentful about it and the other two almost never can go without feeling guilt. Hate it hate it

As someone who’s been the point of a triangle, run. They don’t love themselves.

It really pains me to say this because I didn’t enjoy that movie, but Velma in the second live action scooby doo

That's what's nice about Shrek! The princess gets to stay 'ugly' because that's who she is actually happiest!

Well, no makeover trope can be worse than Grease. Not only is the "bad girl style" makeover presented as the coolest thing in the world and not questioned at all, but it goes as far as implying that smoking is cool/makes you cool. The cigarette is an essential part of that makeover. I'm not saying today's teens shouldn't watch Grease because of that: they should see it and have an adult by their side who can help them think through the "moral" of the movie.

@@ELisa-qf2mw I’m glad I’m not the only one who hated that movie because of that.

Mean girls did it right

Makes it really awkward for the secondary romance though XD as well as making her a sort of homewrecker esp due to the speed of events.

Omg, I remember that movie- that was so long ago, my lord.

Doug Walker hated enchanted because of the more recent Disney Princess films at the time like Beauty and the Beast and Jasmine of Aladdin when Giselle is supposed to be 80% Snow White that's why it seems more old school Disney and why he thought it was a shallow parody when it's not trying to be such. In fact Giselle ending up with the ordinary guy from New York was actually pretty clever and I did like how the prince accept the fact that Gisele genuinely loves the other guy and just wants her to be happy rather than be like Gaston where if he couldn't have her princess nobody could

Agreed, but the 'bland guy' was Patrick Dempsey who has classic screen idol handsomeness.

@@aislingyngaio I think the movie actually does a fair bit of counseling as to what is a healthy relationship vs one that is too quick and one that is too slow. Yes they do have a love triangle that sort of turns into a love quad, but if you ignore that, than you have the story of 3 relationships, one which is pure infatuation based on romanticism, two is overly practical, both parties pursuing their own separate goals while waiting too long to see if they want to actually pursue something before "getting serious," the third romance is one that doesn't happen immediately it's based on an initial mutual friendliness followed by spending time together followed by a joining which involves both parties sacrificing a little. It's not fast, but it's not too slow either. As to the homewrecking, I kinda forgive it, because Giselle is played as "born yesterday" and her decision to pursue him only comes after the original fiance has basically already said "no I've had enough" The worst relationship in the film is possibly the last pairing, Nancy and Edward, which is a double rebound based on feeling and infatuation. But I will forgive that IF Disney adds Princess Nancy to the Disney princesses list, 😂

Do you friend with the third one and still being friend after?

@@zainiadnan2335 Yes and no. We were still friends (all three) even after that. But they broke up only a few months down the line and she moved to another city. We lost contact after that. So while there's no animosity, we don't see each other, or even talk, much anymore. I'm okay with that though. I'm over my feelings. :)

I think thye meant if anyone had been liked by two people and liked both back. But you're right from your position.

Good for you, approaching the situation with the right mentality! 👍 (something many people unfortunately don’t know how to do)

@@DaDunge Ah. I see. Thing is, she was never very clear about her feelings either way. Very wishy-washy. I think she was trying to keep her options open. He was just more persistent ;) And, again, I'm fine with it. It was absolutely for the best. The woman I am with now is the love of my life. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Yea but it’s negative to be clingy too. Both are just dumb

THIS! Ugh. Dating culture in general is dumb and way too convoluted in my opinion, but playing hard to get just makes it a million times worse.

Also being 'mysterious' which is usually just the guy version of being hard to get.

I see your “hard to get” and raise you a “wear her down.” …often times a woman’s NO is reimagined as “convince and badger (and isolate) her.” But he’ll whine that she’s “playing games.”

I know few people who actually play hard to get in fact most people who are accused of this are usually simply not interested.

I'm really sorry you're suffering. I hope the new perspective helps and that you can move forward.

I'm also very sorry. That must've hurt a lot. I wish for you to meet someone nice and caring in your future. 💜

humans dont change. they just get really good at convincing themselves and others that they have. at their core they will always be who they truly are.

@@serenityq26 I think humans have the capacity to change, but that it is a constant work and if left unattended we can regress toward what worked in the past.

I like to think that in Groundhog day one of the main reasons Phil changes is the natural inclination for people that spend a lot of time together to become similar to each other. But unlike real life where both move toward some sort of average, Rita resets back to her starting position every day. As Phil spends more and more time with her he gets pulled closer and closer to her attitudes. I also agree that she was good with her boundaries and I love that he gets her by not trying to get her: he just wanted to do all the good things he could that day.

Yeah, Rita doesn't fix Phil in Groundhog Day. He fixes himself through (10,000) years of realizing being a jerk makes him less happy than being a good person.

Yikes. I hope you’re okay. When Andrew Lincoln showed up with his cards, I kinda wanted Keira Knightley to call over her husband.

That's as bad as the 'lucky accidents' popular in the 90's. When two people crash into each other and then fall in love. Supposedly. So idiots were trying to make that come about by pushing people they fancied off bar stools and into hotel pools and everyone called you a prude if you didn't go with the guy or girl who did that to you. Even if I had an interest in someone if they pushed me off a bar stool I would go straight off them.

Honestly, they need to stop showing this stuff as attractive it’s one thing to peddle stalking as romantic to women, but it’s another completely more dangerous thing to peddle this shit to men.

@@Ilikefrogs.. you and your double standards. Women are capable of awful things too.

Sweet Jesus

Isn't that from a Jehovah's Witness propaganda video? It is a legitimate point, but its origin is questionable.

100%. Lust, attraction and infatuation are far too often confused for love and its sad. It's a good point that unfortunately has to be made

@@aurora_skye Good advice is good advice. Don't forget; plenty of sources I've read/watched agree on that point. It's pretty common. You're attributing that basic idea to one group, and it doesn't change a thing.

Yep that's why these thing which you mentioned are love stages. I recommend to watch Helen Fisher on Ted talk

Love is an action, not a feeling

Charming if he’s attractive. Creepy if he isn’t.

I tried that and my partner was appreciative so I kept doing it until it became annoying. To be fair I might've overdone it. It's the little things tho

Indeed! That is something that bother me in any relationship, in fact: been taken for granted and people just don't invest on their relationship with you because they know you tend to put a lot of effort to help them and make them feelgood.

Okay this is adorable.

Omg I want to be with someone who does that.

Imagine dealing with it irl. Let me tell you it’s super objectifying and kinda hilarious how obnoxious men can get peacocking for you and competing. Overall don’t recommend tho

true!!!

Absolutely. The only love triangle I enjoy is in Snow Wonder where in the end no one ends up together and Paula goes off to feed Stacy’s wedding cake to the ducks instead of answering either of the guys trying to fight over her 😂

I’d rather the two guys just get together themselves. Leave me out of it

One of my fave channels (Overtly Sarcastic Productions) once commented that love triangles are less triangles and are more two people who are into each other and one other person who can't catch a clue.

My husband's is using his incredible power of knowing when I need a cup of tea and he makes me one. His other one is either cooking dinner or getting take out when I'm just over it.

When my husband gets out of work early enough he surprises me with sweet tea from one of many of our favorite places to eat. Or when he works from home he’ll have bought some breakfast tacos for me since he gets up earlier than I do. It’s the small things. ❤️

That is so cute!!! My boyfriend does a similar thing where he specifically bought milk and coffe and a coffee maker for me so he could make me coffe with milk foam when I'm staying over

I work at home, and my computer setup is next to my boyfriend’s. Whenever he gets up to leave the room, he likes to put his hand on my shoulder. 🥰

I've never been attacked by wolves, but I saved my elderly neighbor when her brother-in-law's pot-belly pig got aggressive and was attacking her. I was outside, heard her scream, and ran over. I chased Jezebel (that was actually the pig's name) away, and shut her up in the fenced yard she'd escaped from, and my neighbor was able to get medical attention.

But isn't that kinda the whole point tho? RomComs as a genre are meant to be indulgent, not based in reality, that's what makes them fun (if they're done and written well, there's a lot of bad ones too).

There could still be movies that are both romantic and comedic without incessantly falling back on this trope. For instance, and just off the top of my head, didn't "My Best Friend's Wedding" result in acceptance rather than the unrealistic epiphany?

@@FencerPTS Sure, but the acceptance trope is also a popular one too. Idk, it just really relies on if the story is well written and characters are well rounded/developed. There are a lot of good romcoms out there that use the popular tropes, but do them well.

I would LOVE to see a “rom com” for a spectrum of people in the Ace community. I suppose watching the parts of Anne of Green Gables that focuses on Anne & Diana will have to do…

@@michivallieres8334 Oh that's a fun idea! I'm gonna go and brainstorm

I'm Bisexual af, not at all Ace, and I still get SO incredibly fucking tired of always having a romantic subplot/hornyness disguised as "romance" shoved into literally every damn piece of media, all the time. Sometimes you just want to see bffs or just queer-platonic (in the small little water droplet of actual queer rep we get, most of it just sadly ends up as queerbait, nothing else. It's why people tend to be so protective of the few canon ones we get, but goddamn, you guys are part of the community and deserve voices and rep too!), but nope, happy ending always equals passionately in love and ready to bang the second the scene fades to black, I guess.

Just as a curiosity, how did the triangle start? Because from a totally outside perspective with no context, why didn’t she tell one or both of them to go away? If she was clear that she wouldn’t accept either of their affections or that she had chosen one or the other, then that’s not fighting over her, that’s just stalkers fighting or her bf fighting a stalker. If they were fighting because she wanted time to chose… sorry but I’d give her over 50% of the blame. Sorry I’m just curious how real life triangles happen and work out. It’s very common in my area to date multiple people at a time and at some point to chose the person you like best or feel the most connected with. Everyone understands the situation and while there can be hurt feelings it usually isn’t too messy.

@@Undomaranel *sigh* living vicariously through Psychottie one Tiktok at a time. #normaliseplatoniclifepartners

In AOT mr kusaver lied about being marleyan and had a marleyan wife and child. When they discover the truth they killed themself. Pretty extreme. Butmuch more interesting

Have you ever listed to the “36 Questions” musical podcast? It did a pretty good job of avoiding that trope.

I've never seen a sincere damsel in distress situation in which the rescuer gloats about it, that's usually only in satirical takes. Just because it was less overt and had some positive aspects surrounding it doesn't change the fact that the writers still felt the need to include a "Man Proves He Is A Good and Just Protector By Saving Woman" scene. Even things that are really good with positive messages can have little influences and stereotypes like that, and it's okay to acknowledge them. It doesn't mean they're "bad."

I agree. Beast saving Belle isn't a plot point in their relationship. It's a plot point in his character growth. And Belle is in genuine need of saving from real danger, as opposed to other damsel in distress examples where the danger is something the damsel could solve or walk away from on her own. In Rom-Coms usually the distress they need saving from is a perfectly functional long-term relationship or good stable job.

I think the 'wolves' point was the failure in their discussion of that issue. It sort of trivialized their commentary without getting to the root imo. Saving someone is such a broad concept and it doesn't have to be a literal wolf to be cliche. I can't even think of THAT many movies that use wolves specifically (and some are in the wild so it...while I can agree it's a cliche, it does make sense in context). I am more bothered in film by the focus of the woman in the situation being that the dude saved her and being eternally grateful and that she owes being with him for that. While thanking that person is the good thing to do...so rarely do we get focus on if she is ok and whatever healing that should start. Trauma is a hell of a thing...