I feel embarrased to bump into people that i used to hang out with as i am a completely different person - self conscious, insecure and no longer confident or doubt people would actually like me.
I find something else that gas lighters have in common is they never apologise for their wrong doings and twist the blame onto you, then you end up apologising because they convince you that you are crazy. Then afterwards, you think to yourself, why did I apologise? I did nothing wrong? And you realise you only apologise because they make you feel guilty for speaking up about being disrespected.
Exactly this just happened to me. They made me believe that I was the one who did something very wrong. I still cannot completely get out of that feeling of guilt even though I know that she is gaslighting.
I told on someone for constantly bullying me in hallways and online; even though I blocked him he still invites me to group chats to bully me even more. I eventually had enough. Now he gossiped about me and told me I was a snitch and played the victim, I apologise to him and I question why did I apologise? This is exactly what im feeling.
Right on point. i have delt with this for YEARS and it drives me insane. i had an ex roommate who accused me of gaslighting him even though i was doing nothing wrong, i always was apologizing for everything even when it was not my fault. i don't miss those days.
I discovered about 3 years ago I was born an empath with family labelling me as "oversensitive", "hypersensitive" when they insulted me as a toddler and I cried. I pick up on others' vibes so acutely I had to learn at an early age to withdraw into myself even when walking around in public. I recall responding to my family and advising I was not "hypersensitive", rather that they were being insensitive at times. Sadly, I was exposed to gaslighting and stonewalling behaviours frequently but it never changed my personality or true heart. I feel compassion and sorrow for those who engage in these toxic behaviours. People like that who bully around others, they really need a lot of healing. We're all on a journey to stay healthy and have fulfilling relationships. Some relationships are only one way ergo no matter what you do, you will never receive the respect you show. Sad but true.
Sameee. Later on I realized that some people want u to be what they see u as. I learned to be whoever I want to be. Plus, people change and experience things out of their control that will effect them so when someone says this I just ignore it🥰
"You're just being dramatic" "I never said that" "You're being delusional" "You're overreacting" "It's just a joke" Them acting like the victim when they're in the wrong. Only speaking negatively about you to others. Holding things against you. Acting like they know you more than you know yourself. Guilt tripping you. Etc, etc, etc. These kinds of people will really crumble your self esteem and manipulate you into thinking you're the crazy one. I wish these people knew how evil they are and what kind of harm they cause to others.... I dealt with this for far too long before realizing how awful it was. I wish everyone that is in this situation finds clarity and finds a way to get away from whoever is causing you harm like this.
This was done to me by the woman I lost my virginity to, it made things wayyy worse that I was already in love with her. Also she took the path of least resistance most of the time and only used my dear against me when she didn't get her way.
No youre evil for having the nerve to label others so harshly for your petty insignificant irrational annoyances. Youre not special hun. We all know whos the real evil one here. Its people like you.
I just want to point out something here. This is something that I've struggled with. In this video the gaslighter is portrayed to be some sort of evil person. Someone that's trying to control and manipulate you. This set of character traits are what we associate with all gaslighters. But from personal experience, toxic people often don't even know they're toxic. They operate the way they do out of habit. This isn't to say that we excuse they're behaviour though. I wanted to point this out because throughout my life whenever I'd come across someone I think is toxic I would question that feeling because they didn't seem evil like I was told they'd be. So if you feel like someone's toxic, don't second guess yourself. Even if they seem nice and helpless they can still be toxic for you.
Just what I wanted to say. Sometimes it is just about control and whatever works, works. They need this control because of their own fears and uncertainties. They are not basically 'evil' in the sense that they act like this by their design. They can even care about you and love you. Yes, I am talking about parents here. Gaslighting can be a kind of education. A very toxic and damaging one.
I'm glad somebody pointed this out. I never feel right accusing one of the people in my past of being "toxic" or "abusive" but they did things that were bad for me in a "toxic" or "abusive" way. Their lack of actual guilt does not undo the pain I went through. Sometimes two people just aren't able to be good for each other. That doesn't make them bad people, it just means that it's like trying to play a CD on a cassette player. It's just not meant to happen.
@MaryJ17 Certainly! I'd like to point out that lack of "blame" in the sense that... they were evil, wanting to hurt you does NOT mean they aren't responsible. I cut the person who hurt me out of my life in order to protect myself. I'm just saying that they are not evil - as in, they are not "a villain", they didn't mean to hurt me. They definitely ARE responsible for the emotional scars I bear from the time I spent with them though.
These people are obsessed with reputation and take their lives to the grave. They will never admit that their actions were intentional. If you are actually successful through long and exhausting arguments to prove that they actually did something inappropriate the best you will get from the abuser is “I wasn’t aware of my actions and it’s not my fault”. They will never take responsibility for their actions they will never tell the truth. They also feel a deep sense of pride when you have accurately accused them of what they are actually doing and they are able to turn you against yourself so that you know longer believe what is obviously true and right in front of your face. They will never admit the truth. But you will see a sneer on their face as you begin to doubt yourself. That is the closest to the truth you will ever come with an abuser.
It's even worse when the person gas lighting you has a 'good' reputation with their people, so when you try to talk to someone about them, they don't believe you
Viv That is 100% correct of all abusers/persecutors who are a part of a larger group of abusers. We must make sure we’re not opening up to the wrong people.
1:13 you don't feel like you fit in anywhere 1:38 you question and doubt yourself 2:27 your self-esteem is much lower since you've been arond them 3:14 you become depressed 3:37 you're constantly guil-tripped 4:06 you're frequently let down by them 4:29 you are frequently lied to 5:02 fears are used against you 5:30 you are isolated from others 6:09 you question everything
Finding yourself after cutting off a parent who has done this your entire life is exhausting. I think it's that much harder to recognize when it's all you've ever known.~
@@Junokaii I literally had to run away. As an adult. I just simply stopped responding then blocked all access to communication from them. I can't let them damage my health anymore. I understand they are mentally ill but I can't sacrifice my mental health for someone elses. That doesn't heal anyone.~
Me too. I try to ignore it. Then I start to believe there is something wrong with me so I want to fix it & be aware of it when I’m doing it & even when I’m consciously working on it I still say the wrong thing, the wrong way & I find myself being yelled at & I get sad that I did it without realizing & hate myself because I just can’t go a day with saying something that upsets them.
I once had a toxic friend who would constantly tell me that everyone knew all my secrets or just say things that would worry me a lot in general. When I would tell them that that wasn't true and confront them about it, they would just tell me that it was just a rumour they heard or that I misheard them. It lasted for months and made me doubt my own memory. It's been about a year since then and they've apologised and changed(though we don't hang out anymore because they changed schools). Even though it's been nearly a year, I still regularly doubt and question myself and memory. It has got to the point where I sometimes if I'm the first one to arrive at a class or something, I'll start doubting if I even had that class and then longer I question it the worse it gets and I even sometimes start to question what day it is. Thankfully though, as time goes on, I'm slowly getting better
@@GasPipeJimmy I'm not the type to hold grudges and I know they've genuinely changed and are a better and nicer person now and they acknowledged what they did and apologized for everything. Maybe I'm being too nice but I've already forgiven them
Khadeeja Aktar No, not at all. The credible threat of violence is a time-tested and socially valuable tool. It attaches a physical price to bad and toxic behavior. Whomever taught you that violence never solves anything lied to you. It’s a lie teachers tell students to keep them docile.
Reading through the comments has reminded me why I don' t want to become a mum. No-one is perfect and people are hurting out there because of what their parents did to them. I'd hate to be the villain in my children's stories. Sending love to all of you having difficult relationships with your parent(s). May you find healing.
You know my mum was human with good and bad sides and I miss her every day,the day she passed I lost much more than just a parent, so don't think you necessarily would be a bad mum 🌸
Unfortunately the worst people tend to be the ones who have children - often for selfish reasons. People who watch these videos or do anything to understand the minds of people, more specifically children, are the best people who could become parents, yet are often scared off because they don't want to be bad parents. If you wish to, and would want to be a parent, I say go for it. As you said, nobody is perfect, but trust me, there are far worse parents than you could ever be, simply from the fact you at least try to care. :)
"What's wrong with you?" "You're immature" "What's happening to you?" "You're overreacting" "I didn't say that" "I didn't do that" Every time he said these, I felt stifled.
Let me add some concepts based on what I suffered: "It's all you're fault why" "no wonder why we hate you" - as if the narcissist presumes people think what he/she thinks. "Are you even still in the circle of facts??" BTW I also feel the same way as you do.
I agree with this but I’d like you to understand that it’s not always that easy. For me I’m a teen and it’s my Dad. As much as I’d love to cut contact with him I can’t.
Not that easy sorry... ending a 14 year marriage without facing severe consequences and losing everything I worked for is not something we can just casually deal with.
I was in a relationship with a gaslighter. He was manipulative, mean, he told that I was crazy and... I believed him. So my life was turned upside down, I suffered from anxiety and my behavior totally changed. He isolated me from my friends because they couldn't stand his abuse on me. I was totally blind. When I woke up, finally, I broke those chains and my freedom scared him at some point that he became obsessed with everything I was doing after our break up. But I wasn't a slave anymore. So I flew away.
This sounds a lot like how I felt when I left my ex-husband. My ex-husband wasn't the biggest problem, though. It was his gaslighting mother. But he was taking over her behaviour and would often try to gaslight me and our kids. Luckily, I've always been close with my family and never let anything my ex and his mother said tear us apart. I was a wreck when I finally left with our kids, and the kids are still struggling daily. One finally got tested and diagnosed by a psychologist, while the other is still waiting for a spot to open up. And me... well... I tried finding help for myself, but have trust issues when it comes to psychologists, due to my past experiences with them.
@@idcjonesie2147 I am very shy and absolutely unable to manage video editing and stuff like that hahaha But, thank you, maybe one day I will open up sharing the nightmare in which I was stucked inside years ago!
@@nonexistingvoid I am so sad to hear that. I hope that you and your kids will recover soon from those struggles. I suffered from eating disorder too, because he told me I was fat. Anyway, it's gone now. And four years ago I met my fiancee and this man healed many of my wounds. Now I know exactly what I don't want from a relationship anymore and as far as psychologists' concerned, maybe you can try to see several of them and in the end you can choose the right one :) Take care of you!
Well, I'm 48 years old and seeing things like this make me realize i never had any real friends in my life outside of family members. And that's okay, I'm happy now. I've lost everything in my life due to the actions of others. But I have made a new life for myself. That's the key to it all. It's up to you and you alone. If people can take advantage of you, they will. Gaslighting is a technique that some people use. Don't let it happen. In the end YOU are the one in control of your affairs......
I am so sorry you had to deal with all those shitty people. Yup, it's true, there some awful people in this world. Hope your life gets better and better and you meet some wonderful people xx
Hubert Finley I lost everything due to someone I loved, and I thought loved me, too. He destroyed my self-esteem and shattered my heart. I lost everything, leading to homelessness. I’ve barely dated for years. I just can’t trust anyone. I’ve pulled myself back to a decent life that’s ever improving. Never ever again will I let someone do that to me again. He was a malignant narcissist, and I loved him so much, I couldn’t see the gaslighting.
I've come to the conclusion that someone I thought was my friend has been gaslighting me for years. I was abused as a child and I have a hard time determining who I can trust and who I can't. This isn't the first time. But this one hurt the most because I thought they were my friend. They always accused me of being overdramatic or constantly tell me I'm in a bad mood when I'm not. They can never be wrong, and went out of their way to make me trust them. I told them today that I refuse to let anyone, especially them, hold me back anymore! I am cutting ties.
Oh my gosh so true!!! They put the blame to you back when trying to communicate or express how you feel as a healthy relationship do. They instead bring up small stuff you may have similar to the topic and it isn't as bad. And makes you feel bad and that your view is pointless and they don't try to understand you but justify, blame, and defend themselves or others.
This is what my ex wife is like. So sad that my kids believe her. I pitty her that she still uses the kids to blame me for everything. I hope they don’t hate her in the future when they see who she really is.
My mom used to tell me I had dreamt about having a sister, when I turned 14 she finally introduced me to my sister, I was never able to trust her again, she used that technique so many times, telling me that I had just dreamt about things I knew had happened, I used to feel awful and even now sometimes I second guess myself about every decision I have to make 🤷♀️
Thanks guys! I have somehow managed to keep it cool, Art has played a huge part on that, and fantasy worlds, I do use these behaviors as an example of how not to bring up my own child, yet it is still really hard to go visit or spend holidays with the family, this new year I actually declined to go and felt happier just staying home alone, but I felt so free! I do have a good relationship with my sister though! We try to learn to know each other, it took me so many years to find these things weren’t normal, all those toxic family dynamics that I used to just think as “this is ok, all families are like this” but finally being aware to see it has helped, it’s a long way to recovery though, but heading there. Thank you so much for your support I really appreciate it 💛💛💛
i got so confused once that i couldn’t remember my own age. questions like "what year it is?" "am i turning 21 or 22 this year?" kept repeating. i got so scared of my memory loss that i started to write a diary, just so i could remember important things... i still live with my sister and i can’t escape from her. mum is keep telling me that she is my sister and that i must love her, but i don’t get it. i hang out with her only because we are siblings, if we weren’t, she wouldn’t be even my friend, let alone someone i call sister. If you suffer like i do, know that this situation is temporary. we will move out one day and we don’t have to tell anyone where we’re going and what we’ll be doing. stay safe. love you :*
This happened to me too! I kept struggling a lot to remember my own age and now sometimes I still do, it was weird cause it had never happened to me. Now I'm recovering and Im glad you are too
Jana Šusteková maybe you're a scapegoat, look it up. Please take care of yourself and don't let them let you down. Try to find real friends until you leave.
You don't have to love her because she is your blood. We are living in an age where our chosen family is so important. Bond over blood, especially where mental health is concerned, is perfectly acceptable. You should be able to love people who make you feel good about yourself, regardless of if they're related to you or not. When you're able to live away from her, cut that relationship off as much as you need to. Boundaries are important so if that is what it takes to protect your health, then that is a relationship worth loosing. stay safe, love
There r times when people do hurt themselves, because they lie, and finally get caught. They put others down all the time, and only talk about there faults all the time. Sad a person wants to live that way. And the most famous excuse, well I am only human. No they r inconsiderate of others, and lie to manipulate other people, and never say I am sorry, it's just I am only human. Gaslighters are also very judgemental of others. That's to make them feel good.
Now that I'm reading all this lines I realised I was a victim of this too... Used to say to me... "It all happened because of you" "You did this" "It's all your fault" "You like playing the victim all the time"
My favorite. "You hurt your own feelings bc I didn't mean it that way and the word has a different meaning to me." "Let it go." "You are wrong about how you feel." Let's not forget them constantly accusing me of things im not doing then judging me for it and saying they dislike these types of people... dumping me,saying they love me,then the next say saying they are tired of me.and saying I contradict myself too much when they were the ones who did. 😖🥴🥴🤯☹
All these are happening to me. If I leave it will be twisted around to the kids/family,, that I'm crazy...I have him proving things/in writing, It's blackmail. I know the truth...my fault, it was no big deal....he did nothing. He had entitlement to do things...even lies about how to be "better" in the future...of course he was not. He would make me out as the abuser - I fight when he is caught in an obvious gaslight. "You never wanted to go out at night with my "friends", you were always welcome!" (female BFFs) "You never said you ever wanted to."...gaslight , of course I did, Of course he said I was not "allowed" ... Many things like this, making me have anxiety, nightmares, ptsd (my doc thinks so)....but my spouse laughed it off. Now saying "we have different memories of what happened," (and continues -not women, other things)" I know what was said/done. I cannot have the grown kids hate me. I want my family... I'm stuck here. --- (sorry's) "sorry u feel that way, but i dont know why" not a sorry at all. It's my fault he says...no it is not. I was not a "life" good enough, as he said for 45 yrs. No idea how this happened to him...about 4 yrs ago, it started....I did not matter....I was his beloved wife. I had trust. Then broken dates for me .. as he laughe,d our evening plans are not gonna happen, he is going out for dinner with another women....I believe he planned it to hurt me, there's no excuse, no make up. No invite.... My God, on it goes....he denies things even happened. Lately snarking (to really bug me) "oh it was just drinks now and then" (no it was 2-3 x/wk). Mental cruelty and gaslighting??
I have PTSD from extreme bullying experience and from my principle completely gaslighting me. I was getting constantly called names, getting things thrown at me, getting pushed.. Every day I would cry in the car on the way to school begging and begging to not go. I hated being there. I tried talking to my principal about it- and he told me it was all in my head and not actually happening. So, I stopped reaching for help from him, however, he still pulled me out of class and talked to me almost every day, and he would tell me again and again that it was all in my mind. It made me question my own sanity. I was lucky to finally get an inter-district transfer so I could go to another school.
Reading your story about how you were bullied is exactly my life when I was little in elementary school and middle school. I used to get locked in the gym locker room and my classmates would take turns punching me I would come home with bruises all up and down my arm I would never tell my parents. I used to get chased home from school and they would trip me so I would fall on my face. This happened all the way from first grade up until sixth grade. I used to cry in the car when my mom or dad will drop me off because I didn't want to go into school. I went to a Catholic school then so there was actually times when nun would come out and pick me up and carry me into school. I don't think people realize how much, that is on a kid and how it sticks with you your whole life. I'm so sorry you went through all of that.
I joined my friends gang and unsteadily stopped fast. Will not change anything if I can go back if I didn't I would be the first of my kind in the USA to shoot my enemies at my school. LOL!
*_This is why those who are at the age where maturity is supposed to begin start distancing from even their own families. It's best to fix yourself and find those who really, REALLY understand what you are._*
It's even worse when this person is your parent,who insists on guiding you as you grow up and what or who you become... and you have nowhere else to go so you just have to bear with it.
I had this "friend" who always seemed to know me better than myself... Always trying to sound smart while telling me what I'm doing wrong... good thing one day I decided to erase him out of my life.
@yoUr sO loNelY, i'm So lOneLy, wE're So lOneLy yeah, they will blame you for not trusting them enough, for not understanding enough, but really, don't let them doubt yourselves... better get out of that relationship... i did and i am glad, but the emotional damage still in me though...
the sad part is that all of these have been my reality since I was born. My mother was a master manipulator, and used gas-lighting as one of her main tactics. The good part is that since I've cut ties with her I've been abl to slowly break down the damage she's done, and I have really been noticing the differences in my life since recovery has had a chance to start taking hold. :) These videos have been a great mirror; helping me see just how far I've come in my recovery.
My ex was a gaslighting covert narcissist. He had everyone in his social circle under his spell and they gaslighted me too. I lost a lot of friends and people who I thought were my friends. I deleted Facebook, changed my number, email blocked them on everything and felt a million pounds lighter.
@@nicoleisgrate305 It was while I was around them. I didn't feel loved, just an accessory to my ex. After I cut them off I felt so much better and my life changed for the better. 😊
My sister does the same to me, covert narcissist but in public she’s the Holier than thou church going type that can not possibly hurt a fly! I blocked her from all social media but she’s back with another page watching me, not leaving any comments or likes. I know it’s her but she doesn’t know.
I literally had someone constantly tell me I didn't have human reactions and I must have something seriously wrong with me because I didn't like talking constantly talking on the phone. Would also always make me feel guilty for not doing what 'normal' girls do (wear makeup all the time, compliment lame gifts, sweet talk et). I would spend hours googling to see what was wrong with me. Turns out my instincts wouldn't let me open up to this person because of how critical and unaccepting they were. It's usually not about you, it's about them!
Oh my god.... I’m going through the same thing! So it IS normal to not want to talk on the phone every night for like 3 hours?? (We have a long distance relationship) He always tries to make me feel bad with passive aggressive jabs and when I confront him, he just says that he didn’t mean it like that and that he was joking but I’m like “no, you actually mean it. Otherwise why would you say that? Let’s talk about why you feel that way” but then he doesn’t want to talk about it either. Ugh. He has straight up said to me that it doesn’t seem like I care about him that much because I’m busy with school and can’t talk to him everyday. Any advice on what I should do?
@Saadia Sajjad i’m actually kind of going through something similar (not a ldr tho) but like so many people say, communication is key, so it’s very important for you guys to talk things through, especially because you guys are in a ldr!! if he refuses to open up and clear things up between you guys, even though YOU are trying, i think it’s best for you to end it or go on a break :( it’s not fair that you are the one trying to talk things through, yet he refuses to say anything!! (i’m literally going through this rn so i understand your frustration!! we both have a right to feel frustrated ab this!!) if he’s treating you that way and doesn’t want to talk things out, ESPECIALLY considering the fact that you guys are in a ldr, it’s just not worth it :(
I’m an abuse survivor who was not properly diagnosed or treated until I was 35. I have CPTSD. The therapist who diagnosed me explained what gaslighting was, and it was a huge paradigm shifter. But after years of cluelessness and having been gaslit, even by therapists, it is hard to know when it’s happening. Thanks for this video.
Mr. Hufflepuff gaslighting and mental manipulation suck. A very close friend and I have been manipulated by some other girl for more than two years. It’s awful
Psych2Go A girl who I went to elementary school with, and who also was my best friend since kindergarten. Let’s kill her K. K had always seemed off, but I never thought anything of it. Middle school rolls around, and she’s completely different. She throws a tantrum and spreads rumors when she doesn’t get her way. How I know this is because rumor went around school saying that I told everyone how k and my other current friend (G) were dating - never did. G hates K. K ruined mine and G’s trust and then shifted the blame onto us. When G and I would confront K she would say “I never did that!” And when we showed her proof she denied it. K has stolen some of my expensive and rather old jewelry (I have a 150 year old key necklace for $110 and a gold ring for about $70-80) that I had to practically wrestle to get back. She denied all of this
My ex would say "I told you I was sorry. Now let it go" Meanwhile the pain is still there and the behavior continues. They believe the word SORRY fixes it all
Also, gaslighters also tend to ALWAYS act like a victim, even when it's A FACT that they did horrible things to you. They will trie to make you think you had the absolute fault
It is never too late to get up and get out from that dark horrible cage.. little lovely soul there is still much to do in your life.. please go ahead and fly away and just live.. thank your for being so strong and awesome surviving whatever you have been going through .. thanks for sharing pain..
Its pretty simple: if someone makes you feel bad, then they are bad. If someone makes you feel good, they are good. Trust your instincts, and hopefully your experiences have opened your eyes
All the time she comes in my room and acts all nice, then does or says something really mean and rude. She should know already that I'm a very sensitive person and that those things really hurt me. I then get upset and mad and then she says "why are you in such a bad mood?"she tries to blame all the problems she causes on me just "being in a bad mood" she also makes these manipulative and hurtful "jokes" all the time. She tells me them, leaves, makes me think she was being serious and when I come to tell her how much it hurt me, she just says "gosh it was just a joke" and proceeds to act like everything is fine.
Try to minimize your contact with her, or when she comes to interact with you, can you be super busy instead (e.g., on a phone call)? Create as much distance as you can and see how she reacts. It just might piss her off, but try not to give her an ear, or go to the bathroom or another room when she starts up. Work towards getting your own place or a roommate.
Watching this I feel guilty because I think I may have gaslighted someone. I thought I'm just being dishonest. Because whenever I have problems I never address it actively, instead I say things that unintentionally makes them feel bad about themselves when my goal is that I just want them to know or realise themselves what they've done. I know that I should address it directly to the person but I also have a fear that they will invalidate what my emotions. It's too complicated.
That sounds more like passive aggression than gaslighting. Honesty and openness is probably still the best option though. It probably sounds cheesy but if they love you they probably wont dismiss your feelings, maybe it might be a good idea to apologise for any pain you fear you may have caused in the past. Good relationships are built on trust and communication. Of course, if you're afraid that they will invalidate your emotions, and it's not just insecurity, maybe that person has their own issues that they are taking out on you. You seem like you really don't want to hurt anyone so if you feel like there is a problem in one of your relationships just do your best to try an solve it. Nobody is perfect, we all just have to try our best.
@@StarWatcher18 Im so sorry for that. Soon you are going to get out. And if they try to bring you back just ignore them, its toxic and the are manipulating you to have control. Soon you will find people that love u, family isnt based on someone who raised u. Sending love and strength ❣
I had a partner gaslight me several times and would make me think I’m the toxic one and am the reason the relationship had so many problems. I definitely made mistakes, but I don’t think I’m toxic for wanting out of a relationship that makes me miserable. They’d say I’m giving up on them and or they don’t mean anything to me, but I deserve happiness and they can’t give that to me. I’m glad I got out of a toxic relationship. I hope anyone currently in a toxic relationship, leaves their partner and finds peace not having a gaslighter in their lives.
I'd just like to say, thank you Psych2go for continuously educating people about various things through psychology. It has really helped me clarify things in my life ❤️❤️❤️
@EmberDragon YT you def have problems too hun. Don't feel guilty, your feelings are very very valid and I hope you get better. I'm here if you need to talk💞
"Gaslighting" whether thru straight up lies, forced "pecking orders" and or heavy negative biases by another person or a group effort will result in brain fog, loss of confidence, stress, increased tiredness. One whose recieving such a large influx of negative energy and manipulated information will just not be as sharp a person.
2 and a half years later and I still have to watch these videos to remind myself that HE was the narcissistic one. That's how deep seeded the abuse goes yall. Be safe and stay away from narcissists.
@lol it is abuse. Don’t let yourself fall into the brainwashing they cultivated early in your life. It’s not your fault, it’s their issue, I hope you are able to heal 🤍🤍
@@MrFrogLicker69 it does. It takes the right environment and time, but it gets better. Learn to trust yourself first, don’t let people who push you around close to you, and make sure you find a good friend or two to help you out of the negative thought patterns. Remind yourself of what you like about yourself daily and don’t let anybody take your joy. If they don’t like you, it’s their problem. Just live, breathe, and don’t count yourself out! Much love 🤍
Both of my parents still do this to me and it affects my marriage with my husband, he's the only that gives me confidence to stand up to them but sometimes my anxiety gets in the way
My mom is the biggest gaslighter I’ve ever known. I’m about to be 38 years old and for the most part of my life I’ve had this deep down fundamental belief that there was something inherently wrong with me because of how crazy she made me feel. Replaying events in my mind always asking myself like “did I overreact?” “Maybe I am picking a fight” “Maybe I am being too sensitive” - When in actual reality, I was responding appropriately to the situation. It’s scary how gaslighters are so unconscious of their behaviors.
My ex gaslighted me from the start of the relationship. I loved him and didn’t realize (nor maybe wanted to realize) what was happening. It’s taken me a year and a half to recover my mental health and start feeling like I can love myself again. I learned a valuable lesson to run from anyone who gaslights and doesn’t have the capacity nor the desire to develop a healthy relationship. To anyone else who has or is dealing with this, remember that you are worth being loved in a healthy relationship. Don’t let unhealthy people define where you are and where you are going in life. It means sacrifice, but you do get to decide who is allowed to hurt you. I had to sacrifice my hopes and dreams with my ex. But after he broke so many promises during the relationship, I was really only giving up false hope. It took me over a year to come to grips with the reality that it was always false hope. I was so sure that I had just done something wrong. Not true. It was always empty promises. Be kind to yourself as you recover. Hugs and stay strong ❤️
No. Youre parents are right. This is just a coping mechanism on your part? Dont believe me? Get your parents to see this video. If they do not realize they have been gaslighting you it means they were right all along.
@@chikachikaslimshady1 hahaha.....what? That's like saying that if you argue with a trump supporter and they say they aren't a racist that they're right
"We love you and hate to see you this vulnerable" that is the moment I knew I had to get out because if someone actually loves you they will never see you as vanarable. Some people are absolutely heartless and if you even so much as think you are being gaslighted than you absolutely are and have probably been for years!!! Something brought you to this video and to this comment. Run as fast as you can!!! They know exactly what they are doing. They are smart, calculating, and patient. Get out now before it's too late!!!
I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy. I’d cry telling my ex that I am remembering correctly while he casually told me that I don’t have good memory because of my depression and things I thought he did, did not happen. He hated my family and my best friend and pretty soon I had neither of them and I became so lonely. I tried to set healthy boundaries by telling him that spending every second with me was unfair to the people that loved me too and yes I loved his company but my family and friends need time alone with me as well and he began acting as If I hurt his feelings by saying that and he guilt tripped me into completely dropping the whole scenario. In the beginning he told me that he had no friends and that he wanted to move to a new country because there was nothing left for him in our city but once he isolated me, he suddenly had best friends and he’d leave me alone all day by myself and come back happily while I was miserable and unhappy. I didn’t want him to feel bad so I’d never tell him to not go with his friends and constantly forgive him for his wrongdoings not just because I’m forgiving but because I knew he’d flip it to make me feel crazy so I had kept so much in that it all flowed out one day and then suddenly his friends demonized me because he told them everything I said/ twisted it and made himself the victim in the picture and after that I completely stopped telling him my feelings and they started calling me passive aggressive because of it. I simply didn’t want to say more and have my memory of a situation that DID happen be twisted any further. After I left him he called me a narcissist and then slandered me over social media and telling people that I was awful to him...whilst I never pressed charges for the physical abuse because I couldn’t withstand any more conflict and didn’t want to further see or deal with anything having to do with him..blocked him everywhere and began healing and it’s been a very long process. After all of this happened, It’s going to take A LOT of time before I’m ready to start dating again....
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Take your time, and don't let this happen to yourself ever again, please. Edit: I have experience with somebody isolating myself as well, ( to a lesser extent because it was online, but still ) It's hard, I know that, but I also know that you can get through this! I believe in you!! C:
I’m glad I saw this comment. Toxic people don’t always know they’re being toxic and I’m not trying to say that that’s the case for you it’s just for what I’m going to say. Anyways honestly he kinda reminded me of me. I never was trying to hurt my GF but I may have done it anyways. I was lonely without almost any friends but now I have good friends. I never tried to just make it her fault. I always wanted to have understanding but she’d never express her feelings. I know none of this excuses what I did.
El El Lestrange I understand where you’re trying to come from and I appreciate your honesty. I think it’s great that you can admit that you were wrong and actually work on it to better yourself as an individual and around others. I think we all have toxic traits or things we should work and it isn’t always easy to admit wrongs, it shows maturity in you. I couldn’t text out the whole entirety of the relationship so I tried summarizing it without slandering him because that isn’t my intent but it is actually very complicated..the thing is...he always had friends, he told me had none because they apparently weren’t good people. He completely trashed them and told me awful things about them and told me that his one best friend out of the group of friends treated him bad but I later got him to forgive his best friend so they could reconcile but after that all the other friends that he told me were awful popped up and once I was completely alone, he was always with them and I was scared to speak up because I didn’t want him to feel bad or think that I wasn’t glad he was hanging out with friends. When the relationship was ending they were right by his side defending him and trashing me; completely unaware of the things he said about them. It wasn’t my place anymore to interfere after I blocked him. Also, I know you’re not saying I have the same case as you...I just felt like you should know that he wasn’t actually lonely. I’m not sure why he said he didn’t have friends when he in fact did.
Ella giggles I might know. I know for me there was a part of middle school like last year and my friends we would barely ever talk because they were hanging out with another friend group and while I understand hanging out with others too it hurt because they didn’t seem to want to be around me and I made me feel like I had no friends
I am going through this now and apparently for 12 years in my relationship. It has gotten worse after my grandmother passed. And I am now diagnosed with bipolar 2 depressive disorder. Thank you so much. It really hurts to know that my boyfriend has been gaslighting me. He literally checks off on everything in this video
So sorry to hear :( Hope you'll get out soon & safe! I recommend the book Complex-PTSD by Pete Walker and What happened to you by Oprah Winfrey for healing (this is not advertisement, simply my personal opinion)
How I was gaslighted:-- I remember how I gaslighted alot of times in the past by few people and didn't make friends because of them and outcasted ones who were once closed to me. I used to be soo depressed. As no one knew , no one could help. The moment I started making friends and started sharing with some of my new friends. They immediately figured out and helped me to get out of it slowly, day by day. I was lucky enough to have them . These matters are really important to be addressed in today's life.
🥺 this is happening to me. Every single way to the extreme. I sobbed the whole time. Jesus. For almost a year now. I filed divorce yesterday. The road is so long.
It may be a long journey. The trip is worth it. I hope you will find the beautiful things about yourself and all the things and opportunities awaiting for you.
The most insidious thing my mother has ever said to me is "I know you better than you know yourself". I started hearing that one when I was very young.
"No one will ever care about you except your family" should've been a clear sign from the years of gaslighting, and it's sad I wasn't able to tell earlier.
Yes! Yes! Yes! My mother’s quote, after telling her of a bad breakup of mine that she didn’t want to hear about: “No one else in your life matters except family.” (“Family” is usually code for just her.) 😂
I know now that I’m being gaslighted but I’m now so terrified of them. The only thing I hear now is their voice “let me think for you” glad to know that I’m not alone at least
I hate how I used to be like this, I'm wanting to change and have been trying to change, thank God that she's helping me too because I want to treat her better
Every. Single. Thing. Listed. Is what my parents have done to me every day of my 26 years of life. I had no idea until I started going against them slowly and doing what my dad would call “taking votes” asking other people what they would feel in situations I was in. My dad absolutely hates when I do it and I believed him when he said that it was making my anxiety worse. But I kept doing it and doing it and now I have a much larger support system of friends than I’ve ever had before. They still try, buy while I might not see it in the moment, I quickly realize what it is. The response time is steadily getting shorter and shorter. Today our carbon monoxide alarm went off 4 times. I kept saying it could be something and started panicking because nobody else was taking it seriously and I felt like I was going insane thinking “am I over reacting?” Because my parents kept telling me to get over it and stop panicking. My mom tried to tell me the classic manipulative “you don’t have to believe me, but is is just an electronic”, and in a thick brush of clarity I said to her without any panic. “I don’t. I don’t believe you” and then I left them. My dad removed the carbon monoxide alarm, I will be sleeping in my room with my door closed and my window open until I feel it’s safe to do otherwise. Trust yourselves guys. It’s ok if you’re wrong, but don’t let others convince you that your emotions aren’t real.
It’s sad to see how damaged I am and how damaged I’ve becomed ..I always second guess and ask myself am I the one who’s causing this or even “am I the abuser”? Or “am I the one playing the victim”? It’s so sad and scary man .. more than likely this is from gaslighting from what I can gather
I have been in a relationship that has been on the verge of ending for some time now. For reasons such as these. My heart sank when I realised that it’s not only me with a toxic partner and that I am not crazy. This has given me some things to think about
I was gaslighted for decades by my in laws and my x husband eventually became like them. Now , I took a new job and they lady in the office did it to me by blaming me for the course not working, while it was the course that was repeating itself over and over, so I couldn’t complete it. She stood there, tried over and over and said to go, she would take care of it. But what she did was tell the others I am not cooperating, slow, and a complainer. They left me out of the group chat and I realized they were all acting weird. I don’t know if I still have a job, as I haven’t been given a schedule. I don’t know why I meat so many manipulative people and what to do to make it stop!
I had this in high school from my so called friends. Never heard of this before. Amazing how much an effect some people can have on you. Thank you for the video 😊
This describes my father in a nutshell. He said "I would rather keep my lovebird at home than having you in my own life." The statement "Blood is thicker than water." Isn't the truth for everyone
Being gaslit and abused for two months straight and isolated from friends and family completely destroyed my mental health and sanity. I am so glad I got out of that hell
signs the problem is you, not other people 1. When you are annoyed with other's idiosyncrasies (twirling of their hair, tapping of their pencil, etc) 2. You refer yourself in the 3rd person 3. You have to prove to others who you can rather be than who you truly are 4. You have to validate your feelings more than the other person's feelings 5. You enjoy making fun of people 6. You believe you are better than anyone else because there is only 1 of you 7. You strive for only the best things 8. People who "feel" too much are weaklings 9. You believe that there should be no room for mistakes 10. You can't respect people who don't stand up for themselves
I started watching these videos to prove to myself that i was in a healthy relationship, its a little upsetting to find out my ex did most of these things.
There is another side of this coin where someone is constantly saying you are gaslighting them and how they remember things is what "really" happened. Just another form of weird gaslighting.
I hate how familiar this is, having a parent who failed control over their life then go right around to bring another life in just to share their short comings with then gas lighting the kid into believing that failure was never an option. Because they'll remind you time to time again that you don't want to live the way they do right now.
"You need to change your distorted perspective." "Why do you always remember things like that? So negative" "You took what I said and spun it to your reality" "Youre being selfish/stupid/lazy/overemotional/childish/irrational/deadbeat" "Youre tearing me apart when Im just trying to help you." "I'm doing the best I can. My life is so hard and you dont care." "You're gonna tear this family apart." "Woah.. i can't trust you." *gangs up his friends and wife on me who werent there for the context or overly rely on him* *pits sister against me. Tells her its just hormonal father daughter arguments.* *controls all of my therapy and psych appointments. Convinces me I need to be on or off medications when I don't. Convinces me my medications are making me "hyper" or crazy when they're clinically not. Tells social/psych workers when investigating abuse "shes unstable since her trauma. She doesn't know what shes talking about." *convinced so many people, including myself, that it was all in my head*.
I’m really sorry that you’ve been through that and I’m grateful for your comment because it’s helpful to see examples of this and the quotes you included resonate with me and I am sure many other people too!
a friend of mine do use that words... always me in the fault, i am the negative one T_T okay i need to sort my head out before i think i am the crazy one...
my mother is an angel to everybody else that she meets, she makes everyone feel like they’re special and that she can help and fix them, when she comes home to us, we’re nothing but punching bags because she had a hard day.
It’s alright, it’s all about them trying to let you down. Just say that you know yourself better than everyone else, and that you don’t believe their lies. Then, leave the person behind
@@loveareej ya I'll just do something they say in Hindi "haa mein haa milana" Means nodding my head yes for whatever they say. In the next 3-4 years it'll be clear in my head what will my plan be for the rest of my life. If they continue with this treatment towards me I'll find a job and move out.
I went through this for two years with my ex. I was so in love with her that I tolerated it all and then some. I sometimes hate myself a bit for letting it happen, but it’s over now.
oh wow man. my relationship w her only lasted 2 months. but it really depleted my self love. i too am upset w myself for letting this happen and not standing up for myself. but that’s what they do, they make you feel like you’re the crazy one, so you don’t even want to address the situation. it’s just a whole bunch of shit. and yes, you can take the blame for letting them do what they did to you. but don’t hate yourself for it. you thought they could change, you thought they were a different person. you only saw the good in them. it is okay, everyone makes mistakes. the only thing you can do now is learn from them.
My dad gaslights me all the time and I never knew thank you so much for making this video. He has been doing this since I was 5. I don’t know what to do if I was in a relationship with a women and they are gaslighting I could simply just leave her. But it’s my parent and I don’t know what to do I don’t just want to leave him because it will be hard to recover.please help me, once again thank you.
@@richardmeyer1837 it´s the only Language some people understand! But be sure to tell them and warn them before.... to give them a chance to behave. Everyone deserves a second chance. ;-)
@Marcus Mysteriously thanks - but you need to live with the consequences and stand up for yourself. Well, the case went to yourt but i stood in front of the Judge and he asked why i did it. I was serious and told him my opinion and that my Bosses did not help me.... so I needed to solve the problem on my own. So he lectured my Boss who was there too and told him it would be HIS responsibility to solve such cases and that actually HE should be sued. I walked out of the court house without any fine or whatever. The judge just told me i might hit not so hard the next time.... ;-)
I'm already eyeballs deep in depression. My self-esteem has already totally crumbled. My every single action would be interpreted as defensive and argumentative. My every reaction would be seen as sensitive and emotional. I was made to do things I fear over and over "to improve". I would be prevented from doing things "I'm already good at". I need to get out of my current environment to save my own life. After learning about gaslighting, I know that this is not my own fault.
This is one of my favourite psychology channels, and I always come away from your videos feeling so enlightened and empowered, thanks to your intelligent scripts and informative illustrations 🤓💕😁
bro this kind of people are super duper damaged by other people and circumstances to become like this though, they didnt wake up one day and say "hey lemme treat my loved ones like shit from now on just because i wanna be an evil p-o-s" theyre completely broken themselves. we can still have some empathy for them, i dont think theyre enjoying life very much either.
