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Wrong of you to define manners as a characteristic of old money. Class dividing bullshit that makes it seem like people from a poor background can't figure shit out for themselves.
@@skylareckdahl2845 He's teaching cultural literacy for people interested in being able to professionally and socially move among a different culture. It's a given that this is class based, but the best way to over turn a class is to infiltrate and educate your adversary.
"Old Money" is an informed quality. I went to business school with a really nice humble guy, knew everyone in the year and half the people one year up or below by name, had something good to say about everyone and never gossiped, liked to pick up the tab without telling anyone and would take time out of his day to look over subjects with the people who didn't get it after the lectures and connect people he knew to others who shared their interests. Years later it turns out he's got a name they named streets and squares after in the city and his family is probably more flush than some small nations since they've been around since the 1500s. But they'd be the absolute last to ever mention that to you.
That's the epitome of old money. They know they have money, you know they have money, but they never flaunt or make you feel poor in comparison. They're modest, but never fake about it, which was I hate about the "new rich", claiming that, oh, they do alright for themselves.
At the time, I had been with my girlfriend for roughly two months and the holidays were rolling around. I received a nice sweater from her parents. I knew the brand, and knew that it was a bit on the pricy side. I took the time to sit down and write out a thank you note to them. Her parents were pleasantly surprised, and to this day they still hold me in high regard compared to past boyfriends and her sibling's significant others. Gents, it's a quick and easy thing that makes a huge differences! Thanks for another great video Antonio!
A great masterclass on making introductions is in the film “Vanilla Sky” during the scene with Tom Cruise’s character’s birthday party. He’s going around, schmoozing with his guests, making introductions between his guests and his staff, and of course, introducing himself to Penelope Cruz, who’s come as his best friend’s date. It’s shot and acted with the precision of an orchestral conductor.
Yes, please do a table manners video. I had a home-ec class in high school ages ago and it was not as long as it should have been. It was also an elective class. I know some things about table manners but I definitely need a refresher video to make sure I'm still on the straight and narrow! Thank you for the work that you're doing to help elevate your audience. I've gotten good information out of your videos and I'm glad that once upon a time I stumbled onto your videos.
Dang, I want that coin! But I really love the tip about remembering names. I teach that in my college classes. We do a whole activity where every student learns every single person's name in the classroom. It's fun and it teaches them some great memory strategies.
All your techniques have assisted and advanced my military career and federal government service. Even assisted me in serving on a credit union board of directors. Thank you so much for keeping these traits relevant. Love all of your topics
Love these commentaries on proper behavior. As a business man I do EVERYTHING you said here. I had to painfully figure it over many many years, but this works guys. What this is is YOU becoming a man of value. Value to others. Which means you are useful in a litany of ways. Which means you have to go beyond your ego and have a service mindset, when executed authentically, comes back full circle. Tapping into humility is a great way to rise about the ego and others will put you in a pedestal… you should never attempt to put yourself on a pedestal. Only other should do that. Now, the exception… when you are the host, but by default that’s an automatic and necessary position, but again, a great host has a properly oriented humility. Great video as usual.
I remember as a child used to get scolded for walking into my Aunt’s office and not greeting and introducing myself to everyone In the room. I learned that showing that initial respect, keeping eye contact, and listening more than speaking leaves a lasting positive effect. I can confirm, people will love to have you at all of their events when you build a reputation as a well mannered individual. Thank you Antonio for all of your insights! Keep up the amazing content!
Hi Antonio: when I travel I bring small gifts with me to give out along with a monetary tip. A restaurant or hotel manager my not remember you (since they meet so many people) or remember the tip you gave them (since everyone tips them). However, they remember the guest that gave them the gift. I once saw a restaurant manager who took great care of me smoking a cigar. Before living town I sent a small box of cigars to the restaurant for him. When I went back and was told I couldn't get a table... I asked for him, he remembered that I sent him the cigars and he sat me and party shortly after. It impressed my party as well and I made a new friend. A small gift goes a long way.
Your videos provide masculine encouragement & you are a positive role model. Antonio. As a freshman in hs, I still hadn't found my way to a solid group of friends, my parents were going through a divorce, I was just lost, without a role model & badly in need of an honorable masculine example. I wasn't the best player on the school team, but the coach (& vice principal) still treated me like I was in important person, I got into some trouble at school & he gave me the benefit of the doubt, built me up & encouraged me, what a huge difference we can make in the life of a young man, if we keep our eye open, find a kid rudderless. I'm hoping to do this for someone else as he did for me!
I learned how to use the right etiquette and manners during dinner. Now i watch people how the eat. How they hold their fork and so. How they have their elbows, etc. I complimented a collegue because she eat very neat. Also do not swing you arms around when explaining something but keep them with you. Every compliment you get is a present and so you just say "thank you" ( two words). Once a Dutch ( i am Dutch) pop music groep called Doe Maar made a song called Pa (pa from pappa/Dad). In that song he sings about etiquette. It is more a push-off- from- etiquette song. He sums up what you "have to do/ how you must behave". Maybe you can translate the songtext.
I go just a little beyond when saying thank you to the checkout people I interact with. “Thank you have a great rest of day” while making eye contact seems to be enough to let them know you are engaging with them and not just robotically saying thanks while not even looking at them. I made it routine do that every time I interact with others to overcome coming off as rude and uncaring. Doing that has helped me be less awkward and changed my personality for the better.
It's all about saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. I personally cringe at people who say "this is me" or "that is him". But I know what they mean. But if they say, "John likes Joe more than me", do they mean "John likes Joe more than John likes me" or "John likes Joe more than I like Joe". Big difference.
There's a great quote by master penman Michael Sull where he reflects “If the Declaration of Independence was written as an email, how special or personal would that be?” And I think it's the same with hand written notes. The effort taken to sit down and put pen to paper with a nice envelope or with a fountain pen etc. Makes that thank you note even more important and special
You always have great information. Many of these are also about confidence- the confidence to not talk about money, the confidence to remain calm, deescalate, the confidence to admit that you don't know everything and are open to learn new things. "Old Money" teaches their kids this, so it's just how they are. But thankfully, for those who don't come from "old money" they have you to help articulate and visualize their ways. Thank You!!!
Just by changing my style to business got me two promotions in 5 years and through two job interviews where I outclassed everyone else. And that in IT, aging well over 50. That´s what I call "rewarding". Thank you Antonio!
Outstanding suggestions, Devil Dog. You’re truly an officer AND a gentleman. One tip I’ve learned from working in an international organization: It’s very “American” to ask what someone does for a living, so I’m always cautious about broaching that topic when meeting or interacting with non-Americans. Semper Fidelis!
Yeah, I don’t care for the “so what do you do?” question. Truthfully, I don’t define myself by my work. I plan to retire early so hopefully soon the answer will be “nothing.” Truthfully though, we have investment income that sustains us. I don’t want to get into that either.
More great info. Thanks Antonio. I'm particularly bad with names so I've been trying to improve, but it's a struggle. I'll try some of these tactics. One thing I've been doing recently that's actually been commented on is something I picked up by watching a James Bond film of all places. I was waiting for it to get mentioned, but the video stopped right at table manners so it might be there in the next video. It's simply standing up whenever someone either joins or leaves the table, at least whenever possible. It's not always possible, particularly if you're in a very informal restaurant stuck in the back of a booth somewhere, but it's a little sign of respect that actually goes a long way toward showing you acknowledge the person's presence. It's gotten so rare that it sometimes takes people aback, but I think it's a nice way to stand out.
Nice video Marine as always! I found also that handwritten notes make big impact. To take it to a great level is have some stationary printed on good paper, possibly with your name engraved at the top. The Crane company makes custom note cards I like to use.
Wow the first two. When I was in the corporate world I always made sure I thanked people, acknowledged someone who had an idea rather than take the credit. However I am dreadful at names so always made a real effort to remember them, especially the lower ranked staff in my clients organisation...I wrote out tables of who.Worked for who, anything i could remember like their children names so if they rang with a problem I could make sure they didn't report it to their boss, but to me!
i love you show, ive been following you for a long time now.. im in your website i reccoment to anyone.. great site and the guys on there are freindly and act and converse like a gentleman should. i think this is one of the best and most relevent shows on the internet for men. personaly i think this channel is like the first go-to place for men of any age,. and even a site you could reccoment to you son or grandson or nephew.. why... coz its clean, polite, crisp, ironed, humour where appropriate, no crass, no junk, no condecention,. no swearing [maybe the odd polite gentlemens tone, wich is accepted] I also find, its a good place to keep on trackk and keep that focus, before we drift off point. Thanks Antonio
One of my best friends in high school getting married. I was the maid of honor the grooms father took everyone out for a fancy dinner. I got up after the meal and went to his father and thank him for the wonderful meal and the company I was the only one somehow he knew my father and told him I had the best manners and etiquette he’s ever seen. But I was the only one that thanked him. My dad was very proud, but it was my mom who taught me to be grateful in life😊
I went to a friend's wedding on the other side of the US. Several of us drove and we arrived late at night. My friend's mother let us sleep at her house for the evening. After the trip I wrote her a nice thank you on behalf of the group and that made this older southern lady's year.
Thank you @RealMenRealStyle for this video , Manners unfortunately aren’t quite the topic of subject in our days . Since my childhood days i always admire the well spoken gentleman not only for his style and as a young 20 year old with no one around to show me that videos like this and peoples like you really help . Thanks once again
I've been watching your videos for months now, and truthfully, your videos has gave me more ideas and find myself and increase my style ideas. Thank you for creating these types of videos! Your videos has become my comfort watch instead of going to social media and scrolling pointlessly.
Hello Antonio, I really enjoyed this video. As someone who is into vintage aesthetic (vintage watches and items like cravats and Norfolk jackets) it's nice to have a reminder of some "old manners" that we may have forgotten. I agree that you shouldn't correct someone in public, unless they embarrass themselves. A few weeks ago, I was visiting a new city and needed to rent a car. The gentleman behind the counter was wearing a suit with all the buttons done up and had a matching tie and pocket square. I didn't correct him, but rather commented that I liked the cut and fabric of his jacket, then handed him my business card and said if he is interested in learning more about men's style to send me an email. A week later he sent me an email saying he read some of my articles and realized some of the mistakes he made (including the matching tie and pocket square) we've been chatting since then and he's been taking my advice and sharing my articles with his friends. If I am speaking to a client, or even a friend or family member, and I need emphasize something I look them straight in their eyes and speak slower (being more articulate) and lower my voice a little bit so it resonates more. In my opinion, this is almost like underlining and bolding what you're trying to say. Without stealing any of your thunder, I have an entire article on how to remember names on my website, The Esteemed Gentleman. I'm terrible at remembering names and have made the mistake of introducing myself to someone who already knew me. It was a bit embarrassing but we laughed it off. Theres also a guide to dealing with disrespectful and rude people, how to ask good questions, the 3 phrases EVERY gentleman needs to know, numerous ways to discover your passions, and many more. Been a fan of RMRS for 8+ years. Learnt so much. Keep up the great work! - Rex
I love writing Thank You notes with my cursive italic fountain pens. Not only is it a treat for the recipient, but I feel great writing with my pens and they make regular cursive look amazing.
I have something to add, this is also my application for an RMRS Coin: Every man should know how to give a good handshake. One of the best ways to make a good first impression on a man is by giving him a firm, solid handshake. This conveys respect as well as subtly demands it. Pair that with eye contact and a smile and youve laid the foundation for a good relationship (in the non romantic context)
8:55 I saw a great example of that once. It was a very fancy event, litteral royalty on the pannel, and then this minister of ours, who didn't speak english that well, specifically, she confused the words to teach and to learn, so she would say: "We have to learn kids to do X"... and this other gentleman corrected her in the classiest way I've ever seen. When it was his turn to speak he spoke about the same thing, deliberately made the same mistake, and corrected himself. Real class
All so very true. Audiobooks have been part of my life for over 25 years when exercising, commuting (45 minutes each way from Woodbridge, VA to the Pentagon), and riding the mower. DO the table manners video!
I am VERY appreciative of this type of content from your channel. This is excellent information. Thanks for doing your part to make the world a better place.
This is one of the best channels on RU-vid. Thank you for everything that you bring to us, the viewers. I met my girlfriends family for the first time this week. I invited her mother to dinner. I made sure to have the kind of wine that I knew she liked. I helped her with her jacket and pulled out the chairs for them both. The thing about manners is that it makes you feel good to practice good manners and show respect for others.
This is a fantastic video and validates my requirement for my kids to always send thank you cards. I do the same. For the very reasons pointed out here. I love all of the other tips - rounds out a lot of what I try to apply. Thank you so much for the great content. And yes, please do table manners video! I tell my kids that we may not live in a society where table manners (or manners in general) are valued, but if you find yourself in situations / circles where people know and see that you know, you are in. And that is how you make yourself memorable and ingratiate yourself into networks you wouldn’t otherwise have access to.
A simple hand written note is one simple gesture that is never forgotten. I have made this such a habit that my now 6 year old son asks to write them out after his birthdays! Also, clean and trimmed fingure nails along with good hygiene can make a huge difference. Whether your writing something down for someone, pointing something out, etc; fingure nails will be noticed if they are unkempt. I work with my hands laboriously everyday, but I make sure to pay attention to even the small details. Just think, if Antonio wasn't as sharp as he is would you still watch his videos for great advice? Thanks for another great video, Semper Fi.
Thanks for the videos. I came across your channel and have been going back and watching older segments. I will be transitioning into my retirement life which is going to include running a business full time. These tips will help immensely.
This is such a great video. I grew up in the Napa Valley and as a kid would often find myself in the homes of many wealthy and influential people because of my fathers work. Unknowing to me I was learning and developing my social skills through my interactions with these people. As I got older entering my high school and university years I realized that so many people my age did not understand the art of conversation. Example, never ask questions that can be answered with a single word. The idea is to get people talking. Also like you said people love hearing their name, they often like to talk about themselves as well. So ask them questions about their interests. People in general love to brag without directly bragging. I can sit here and write an essay for you, but I’ll spare you. I wish more people knew about or had these skill because it would make social interactions like dating vastly more interesting. You have an amazing channel, thank you for your time and effort. I will continue to forward your videos to people in hopes they take an interest in self betterment. After all I believe we should all strive to be the very best version of ourselves that we can be.
I struggle with names so much.. so i started keeping notes in my phone with names of people so I can quickly reference or refresh when I have to. It also allows me to recall it more often rather than only when I see them, so I remember if faster and don’t have to ask them over and over
First of all, this is a great video because you have amazing backing with historical figures. I sent this to a group of men that I mentor regularly. Thank you for being a stand-up guy. Stay blessed. Have a great day!- Chris Jones
Something that can also add to the value of a written thank you or care package is to ask about, and take note of one of their interests, and tailor your thank you gift to said interests. This can help you stick out better in the persons mind as someone who is attentive as well as appreciative
Hi Antonio, may I suggest manner #12 - wisdom in hold, elegance in mold. Read a lot to gain knowledge to broaden our horizons. Inner accumulation can let people gracefully radiate the glory of self-confidence from the inside out 🙂
Sending a thank you note to someone I interviewed with got me the job. I also have to write names when I meet people in groups so I can remember. I’ll put sone one or two word description to help me remember.
Talking about money is a tough one. I started doing really well for myself and was at my birthday party with family, and even with family Aunts etc, they seemed off put by it instead of happy for me. Maybe a little to many drinks and to boastful on my part, but I caught it all the same. It's tough when I have friends that are barely scraping by and they even specifically ask how much something costs to get done or how much I make and it's just generally awkward conversations every time.
I think a good tip is to avoid being overly negative. That’s not to say you can’t acknowledge when something bad has happened, but use tact and brevity. Going on at length about how terrible something (or someone) is just puts others on edge.
While in public, never scratch yourself. Never touch your face. Keep your hands out of your head and facial hair. Stop biting your nails. Basic manners every 5 year old needs to master. It's appalling how few adults are aware or just don't care about basic manners. Presentation is important. Remember that.
If was instilled in me to write a followup thank you email following a job interview- merely thanking the interviewer for their time. It has helped me find work, get promoted, and keeps me top of mind during a selection process.
Great video, as always. My rule would be: take an interest, whether that is people, news, sports, politics, technology, just take an interest and that will enhance your conversation skills as well as your knowledge base.
I"'ve never worked in the w= food service industry. However, I always look for a name tag or ask the server their name. On occasion they ask why, and I just say it's polite to address people by their name, and they light up. I don't know that I get better service, but I do think I've helped make their day better.
I think one on table manners would be fascinating, and if done well (no pressure, he he) might illuminate things about sociality in general since in part I presume it would invoke a host interacting and/or moderating the entire table. You'd flesh out aspects of the purpose of the function. My parents were pretty harsh on people that spoke about themselves very much at all, and the older I get the more I realize the wisdom of that. You can talk about experiences as they've informed you without talking directly about yourself, and if you can do that well you can speak so as to include everyone at the table no matter their circumstances or status. But this requires sensibilities and understandings that most do not have, largely because of certain romantic ideologies about being "authentic", which now unfortunately is understood as sharing transparently ones feelings without filter to others.
manners go a long way. I have been on both sides, and it pains me to admit but it took me a long time to develop solid manners that I can eventually pass on to the next generation
I think a great way to correct language is by repeating a word or expression by responding and using it as well. I don’t know if others did it on purpose too, but it happened to me a few times that I said something and a few sentences later a friend repeated something and I was like „oh! That’s how you pronounce xyz“ or used a word I didn’t know. I like that more than being told „it’s called xyz“, even though that’s fine too if someone can’t remember a word. Since I realized this, I try to do it this way.
In introductions, I believe that someone younger is also introduced to someone older (not the other way around) and that men are introduced to women first (again, not the other way around) Having someone introduced to you puts you in a position of deference and is considered good manners. Yes, of course table manners because its unpleasant sitting at a table with someone who does not have any! Hand written notes and sending flowers after someone has cooked you a dinner or done something nice for you is a sign of a true gentleman (or lady). You made some good points, but I would love to see even more. Why do so few men open doors (car or otherwise)? Why do they not stand up when a woman enters the room or gets up from a table? How about helping a woman on with a coat or helping her take it off? Kindness and thoughtfulness are the finishing polish to dressing well.
Great advice! Too few men pay attention to style and etiquette. It’s a lost art. Remember: dressing and acting well is paying honor to every one and every place you go. Get a good haircut, think about your wardrobe, and act appropriate to the occasion. What style you choose is up to you: urban, western, rural. Just do it well.
My good sir, would you please make some more video on manners and formal etiquette for men ? Or point out some other resources from where we could be enlightened?
I think one thing I’ve learned is a valuable old money etiquette is to be mindful of people’s honour. I’m a white Canadian and only learned about this recently from a close Indian friend. He explained to me that honour is something Western culture often ignores, even though we feel it subconsciously. Honour in todays society is nuanced. It’s trying to make others look good in conversation, make them look respectable in group environments, and overall taking someone’s reputation into account. And of course, if people perceive you as someone who improves their reputation, that certainly can’t hurt yours!
In my 40s I have taken to wearing a cardigan and nicer shoes most of the time. I have been mistake for a professor by another professor…. Being seen as a teacher can’t go wrong when you are in sales. Thanks for the video.
A tip I've found for building connections and developing hobbies- ask people for a movie or album recommendation. Broadens your horizons, shows you have an interest in them, and then you can talk about it next time you see them! If you carry a notebook, write it down (a la Captain America)
I got into the habit of writing hand written notes in cursive. I stopped writing cursive when I join the Marines, but then I realized good script was a skill many people do not have and appreciate.
I am old. I remember one of my high school teachers had a framed calligraphy above the blackboard. It read, “Good manners will take you where money won’t.”
Another thing to go along with #4: a guy I was working with some years ago told me once that the people who get robbed the most are usually the ones who look like they have something worth stealing.
You inspired me to comment, so here is my added value comment : a very small book called “Silent Power” by Stuart Wilde. Absolutely changed my life 25 years ago.
I appreciate you because ALOT of other channels talk about how to dress like old money... But not how to behave like old money. Things like remembering people's names should be done by everyone, whether old, new, or no money 😂
Sometimes writing a thank you note can feel a bit too fussy or might not be practical so in those cases I suggest writing an email with a short letter or if it’s professional, doing it in a pdf with your signature added. Even though I’m gay, I’d still feel uncomfortable asking a women I don’t know super well for her address (and then I’ve double whammy of giving a guy who knows I am gay the wrong idea). It’s same with gift giving, don’t be over zealous, give an appropriate gift. I know, I know we are way too over corrective these days but it’s important to know your environment & the culture of the person. Like I use to live in Scandinavia where people are super private & generally feel uncomfortable around gifting (it can some off as fake) but there they really appreciate a meaningful verbal thank you
Like any good Jewish mom, my mother was a STICKLER for good etiquette. So much so that it was a running joke in the family for years. Then I entered the professional world and on one of my first client dinners one of the junior associates asked a client if he was done with his meal, and if so, could the associate finish it…I called my Mom that night and thanked her for all she taught me. Proper etiquette and style will allow you to hang with crowds WAY above where you currently are in life and connect with them.
