The biggest awareness I gained about my false persona was living in Paris. No false personas there. It's not encouraged and is pretty much frowned upon. I grew up in south-eastern United States where everyone is "nice" and smiling, but it often reeks with phoniness. Living in Paris was a huge eye-opener and it's like I learned I can be myself and not "offend" someone in the process. What's considered rude in the US is often considered trustworthy and genuine in France. Their manners don't come from a false persona but recognition of mutual respect for each person's time, effort, and personal space.
Interesting. I'm sure cultural behavior also plays a factor, like overall personality differences. Does it seem like they have better intuition in France if someone is fake or not?
I’m a natural introvert and people are just draining. This world is filled with more opinions than facts. I wish we gravitated to more facts than people with the loudest opinion.
You're right. I get so tired pretending to be social. I get so tired. I get soooo tired. Repetition for emphasis. I feel like I pushed a truck all by myself.
I use my fake persona in social situations where I feel judged, gossiped about, negative energy to protect myself. Then I’m super tired afterwards. I’m only authentic around people I trust who are kind.
I let go and be myself. I don't do any of the three things you discussed. The problem comes to me later, like a hangover. The next day, or even later that night, I critique everything I said. It's brutal, so brutal that I avoid social situations.
Youre less likely to feel self conscious when talking to just one person then when talking a whole group because theres just one personality to deal with. Does that make sense?
Could already tell your third point was comming and knew this is why I get drained by social situations. When growing up until my early 20s I was never accepted in any groups thus never learned group dynamics, having or making friends. Today I am never disrespected by any group, yet still don't really know how to behave and just feeling awkward around people I don't consider real friends, leading to a total drainage of energy pretty quickly. Still introverted in the sense that I don't need nearly as much social interaction than other people.
Omg, thank you so much. I feel like I’ve just met someone who understands what I’m going through, who I can relate to. Now it’s time for me to do the work. ❤ Thank you 🙏
This made a lot of sense, thank you! I actually thought I was an extrovert for a long time because I was never really shy. But I was always more myself with smaller groups or groups where I felt accepted and didn't have to filter myself. I too love watching TV or playing games on my own and love my alone time because I feel relaxed and don't have to worry about other people or what they're thinking or how they're perceiving me.
all extroverted people become introverts once they're insecure that's the same with introverts. But we all want to talk, wether with inside or outside our heads
No, it's the deafening noise (music, loud laughing and talking) that neurotypicals doesn't seem to even notice; the mindnumbingly boring small talk and that neurotypicals get annoyed and confused if you try to talk about anything interesting. Or if they tolerate you saying something interesting it's only for two sentences and then you have to move on to something boring. Being watched at all times, suppressing tics and fidgeting, being forced to sit on uncomfortable hard chairs and not curl up on the floor or in a bed or sofa like you want to. Being repeatedly told nonsense bullshit advice from everyone such as "drink more" if I'm tired despite alcohol being a central depressant that makes me _more_ tired.
Thank you so much 🥰 I thought I am the only one who experience this. I have diagnosed social anxiety but I identify more as an introvert because I am able to talk to people and look them in the eyes etc
Yeah they were pretty relatable when I heard about them & thought about them. It helped me understand why I get fatigued in social settings, and also helped me relax more once I was aware and able to start chipping away at these behaviors
Omg that’s so true I’m tired of being fake specially as RU-vidrs or content creators like me who always trying to put the best in the front of the camera! Cheers from Toronto!
I do all those things you mentioned, preocuppied about sounding rude, decision marking has been really stressing, like typing a whole message to send in class chat but deleting it all. My older brother would always say I look lame, or that I walk the wrong way, that I do everything wrong, it when I was a pre teen... he is only one year older than me but I would consider everything he said as a law... But now I have done things that were too hard for me, without feeling scared or insecure to the point of not trying. I have done performances videos for art college, but sometimes it's still hard to open the microfone and talk. Started on my first job and even really stressesed I can still do my part. I feel like those are some advances... however it's still hard to be assertive when talking, big broblem But we'll get there people s2
Love the video but ironically enough I've been an extrovert all my life, total social butterfly. Now after a few hours of being social especially with more than one person... I'm exhausted and actually need to take a nap or just sit in a dark room with little stimulus. I don't even know what my true personality is anymore.
Hey man great video bro. Just one thing, I think it would help your message come across a little better if there was no music, or if anything quiet softer gentler music
I'm an introvert with some social phobia & my partner is such an extrovert I'm often embarrassed.. I prefer working alone as l get very drained with a client hanging around excepting the people l really get on with..After being stuck socialising too much, l really need my alone time- it's usually less boring too. Getting drunk helps a bit- but I'm definitely not a party animal but l do enjoy the company of some people. My mother was a bubbly extrovert, my father an introvert who could act extrovert - I'm torn between their 2 personae sometimes, like 2 halves although my mother's side isn't me... I'm more like her kindly father & my acerbic one combined!
I have to have a false persona coz I am on the spectrum and have ptsd and am an ex soldier and I mix with a lot of little old ladies so I can’t go round being my angry jumpy sweary self. People aren’t all going around being themselves, normal people don’t say what they mean or mean what they say. Trying to figure them out is exhausting.
This is exactly what I do in social events. But I actually can’t help myself because each person/ group are at least sensitive to one topic and you constantly need to monitor yourself to not talk about things related or leading to this topic. A great example is a republican and democrat friend that want to enjoy their time and NOT talk about politics.
Overall, politics is definitely NOT a good conversational topic lol, I agree on that. However, if you let go and talk without a filter in most cases, people will appreciate it (even if they give you some shit). Do you feel intimidated if people challenge you?
But you are yourself because you are drinking. For me is the only way to socialize. The same like you I say everything I feel and then I feel sorry. No too much for saying what I think, but for the way I say it.
Wow this was so eye opening.. Loved this breakdown of emotions, rather than just simplifying these complex processes to identifying oneself as an introvert, thank you!
You just need a friend who doesn’t live this way, but you vibe with. Otherwise I don’t really think you can overcome this on your own aside from growing out of it or maturing mentally somehow. You can think it’s because of this or that but that’s just nature vs nurture argument which is never answerable. Sooo, it’s just the way you are for now, accept it, and see how you can work with it. That’s it
I dislike being around loud groups. It's more difficult to participate in the conversation and it is more likely that I will be ignored or interrupted.
Fatigue in social situations sometimes happens when extroverts close by keep on talking and talking because they assume that you are a quiet person who will not talk even given the chance. I get aggravated when I do not even get a chance to say ANYthing due to the over talkative nature of other people. sheesh. Hush up already and ask for or even allow input sometimes!
Amazing video dude I always said the idea of introverts extroverts and ambiverts were just a vast simplification of the thoughts and feelings that make people act a certain way and people cling to them because it's nice to have a label for what you are that isn't automatically bad and doesn't suggest you could be happier if you made a change that your too scared to make, great video man keep up the good work
The MBTI test shows that I am ENFP, who is supposed to be extroverted. A few days ago, I tried to organize an online forum where like-minded people could discuss some policies. Some people showed their disagreements with this idea and someone's opinions was like "No, we couldn't find any solutions". The interactions with those people fatigued me instantly without me being willing to...And they still opted to join the forum that I organized (Weird, right?) Next time I think I don't have to openly invite everyone and do a "vibe check" that rules out people who are close-minded. If they don't support open discussions, why the hell do they join my forum that supports open-mindedness, curiosity, and open discussions??? This experience reminds me that I do suffer from self-judgment fatigue when I encounter people who try to socially condition me. Thanks for this great video and great explanations.
My attitude before the first event in the forum was like: I'm kinda concerned whether people will join and I shall be somewhat openly inviting. My attitude for the next event: It's nice if some people don't opt to join. It's nice if people who don't wanna actively speak up don't opt to join.
Im really bothered from doing these shits in my life. For example,one of my friends was making good jokes, smile all the time,and be more sincere,close with teachers. And you know,everybody likes positive people. Who cares about a surly one. But after talking w her i understood that she was doing this just for taking good grades taking everybody's good attention or being the center. It wasnt her actual persona. And sometimes i tryed to copy her acts. But it didnt work on me. And the more interesting is that it was working on her :/ She graduated with high degrees
an even better question to ask oneself: *Why do so many introverts choose the hospitality field as their career, well knowing they will be forced into situations where they have to interact with others on a daily basis as part of their employment requirements?*
Yep. I've done "no phone/no stimulation days" before. Haven't done one lately but I often take a walk or something and leave my phone behind for a while.
Yes maybe we have a big superego and this is why we have these three problems. The superego is the part of you that says you should do this you should do that but this comes with the personality. This superego makes people not spontanious!
This seems like a very big possibility. Seems accurate. Was also just thinking, reading the comments, that perhaps we’ve developed (during childhood) a behavior of acting “tired” as a coping mechanism to get out of stressful social situations. Social situations where we perhaps feel pressured to “perform”, and “tired” is an excuse to not have to perform. Anyway, I like what you said about the ego. Very possible! Have you had any other insights since making this comment?
Tbh I find it annoying that you talk so much without saying what you mean. I'm Polish and odds that I'm being too nice are rather low. I just hate people who are talking about unimportant things and if they do a lot of it, it's really as joyful and going to a dentist.
