In a relationship, if you’re struggling with not acting on these compulsive behaviours, let your partner know that you’re struggling. One of the problems that I’ve identified is associating yourself with the question. My girlfriend and I have safety words, such as crow and wolf, which indicate that I have a question but don’t want to answer and she decides whether she needs to reassure me or comfort me. I found that it helped, not having to ask the question which was the compulsive behaviour but getting that reassurance regardless. Long story short, disassociate yourself from the questions and the answers. Most people don’t like talking about their pasts, as you’re most likely not thinking about your own past in the relationship. I found that the reason I asked the questions was because I was afraid they were thinking about their past, such as when we’re having sex, they’re thinking about their partner or someone else. My mind would wander, and I finally came to the conclusion that I was afraid that they were thinking about their past. If you’re like this, guess what. If they were thinking about their past, why are they with you? If they aren’t thinking about their past, wouldn’t you feel a little silly for making them think about it then be afraid they are? Be careful dating with RJ OCD, don’t drift into this self-fulfilling prophecy and self-sabotage. It will all heal with time, but you need to commit to claiming this responsibility and I hope your partner is supportive and helpful throughout the journey.
Hi, my boyfriend has RJ and we are having a horrible time, if you don't mind, I'd like to talk a little deeper about this idea about the safe words.... Let me know and cheers
I have been battling RJ for 2-3 months now. I love my partner so much. But RJ has been hindering with my ability to be happy. She is everything i have ever wanted but yet i am constantly sad and drained out. It took a while for me to understand what is happening and what RJ really is. Although i do not have any compulsive behaviour, the OCD thoughts do haunt me badly. Very badly. Watching your videos have been a blessing. It really makes me feel like i can get back the control of my life. Absolutely love everything you are doing man. Thank you for everything.
So glad the videos are helping Sandy. I would recommend increasing your knowledge on mindfulness and trying out meditation if you haven't already done so. This is going to help calm the fight or flight response and make the OCD much easier to handle.
i can relate but i found the most important thing is to b whole and satisfied with who u are dont depend on her so much, u will b more hurt and she will pull away, i used to work in a prison as a male nurse, alot of guys are facing over ten years or life because of a girl, dont b in a position to hurt others or yourself, God is still here so are you, keep it peacefull by all means and God or the universe will work it out for your best!! peace!
you're the best in the RJ scene. you just speak exactly to me, like everything is exactly the way you describe and your answers are so logical and satisfying
Definitely the best advice I have gotten for RJ. I have been really messed up on the past and my relationships suffered because of it. But I am with the love of my life now and I never want to go back to that way of thinking. So thank you so much!
I've compulsively messaged the women my boyfriend has slept with (hookups). Those girls always shut me down and call me crazy when I ask if they loved him. It's just a terrible feeling. I feel ashamed and so guilty.
I like how straight forward you are. Thanks. I guess this what you are saying around 4 minutes in can be adressed through journaling (as Zach is suggesting) since looking (and documenting if you will) the small victories such as going for a few hours, a day, few days without endulging in certain thoughts will make you believe you can do it. such an important part - believing you can. been there!
Thank you so much matt. I’m struggling with rj but after finding out about you and watching your videos, I feel like you are literally saving my relationship and even my life! So thank you, really. I’m sure I’ll win this war soon.
I’ve been suffering for a year and I just try so hard and my relationship is suffering massively because of it I really want it to work it’s just so hard why can’t I just be normal
Hope things have gotten better for you. I think sadly, this is the normal. From reading comments damn near everyone has some form of jealousy from their partners past.
Thank you for this 🙏. These consistent uploads are so valuable. It's nice to know that this problem of RJ isn't so uncommon and that there are others that know exactly what you're going through daily. Can the conscious approach in dealing with RJ ultimately affect the unconscious compulsions of RJ? The subconscious meaning behind our RJ that causes us to feel these emotions and label them as bad or awful?
Hey Matt, the link to your course is not working for me. I found your channel and feel its no and BS and I want to go for it. Please help! I think I figured it out, thanks, Dale
What if you just stop committing to relationships. Just enjoy the initial interaction and move in before the shit hits the fan. It’s either that or jump off Lookout Mountain.
It depends if you want to stay in the relationship or not. If you want to stay with them and want to forgive them and move on, then follow the advice I give in these videos. It will be extremely helpful for you 🙏
thanks matt but my girls past (if i can call her that ) is much worse, totally promiscuious even after i knew her , granted after we broke up but it seemed shed break up just to b with someone else, now shes older and alone but wenever i think of getting serious all the past comes up and i get pissed again it was a real nightmare, drove me to an opiod addiction that almost killed me, cost me my career as a nurse, almost lost total custody of our daughter, now she wants to work it out cuz shes older and alone? my brain sais no way but my heart is stuck we really have a gud friendship but the minute it gets romantic i cant stop thinking about these past guys and theres alot, almost every guy she met it seems, a dream girl if u want a short fling a nitemare if ur really in luv like the idiot i feel like yours truly!!
Don't waste your life by thinking about those fucking thing. If she slept with someone in her past let that past be the past .. don't carry it to the present and future. Just think that she's a different person, she's already dead ..now the person you love is your only girlfriend.. she's yours forever..try to hold her hand..and move on . enjoy the present life..Just forgive her if she made a mistake.. accept her with full heart..body is just temporary..but the memories you spend will leave forever even after your death ..just enjoy now do whatever you want with her..she will admire you 👍
In my opinion rj comes when you have strong feelings for the person you're with...that means that you love that person which is something that 80% of people would be jealous of...even though its not easy you must now that you are inches away from happiness if you overcome rj..dont think of hurting you self you can have everything
If you weren't suffering from RJ would you have any hesitation at all about marrying her? If not I would go through with the wedding. Do not let RJ control your life and your decision making. I went forward with my proposal and wedding having RJ and I'm so glad I did!
@@retroactivejealousyrelief yea your right, it's just weird that stuff that happened so long ago some how bothers me when it never happened before. The dumb thing is the situations are never what you make out in your head and usually your partner is not proud of that part of their life themselves and were going through a rough spot and people preyed upon them.
@@edwardfitzpatrick8138 it was good, glad I went through with it. Still have the odd day when I have random thoughts, but they are just that thoughts, and thoughts are not real or facts, so guys don't let RJ mess with you 9/10 your making issues up in your head, if she's with you, she makes you happy then nothing else matters. Life's to short to be sweating on things that arnt important, like a past, dont forget we all have a past and I know mine was alot worse than my wife's was.
Bro I swear to God I love your videos, I can't find anything/anyone else with so much in common..I really need to talk to u however....via email if that's what it takes. I have a little boy now over the girl I slowly kill myself over daily with Xanax & tequila....it's been almost 2yrs sense the problem occured smh. And this is the same month/s it was happening. Please reply at least bro I don't know what to do and I'm tired of life even tho I love it because of my lil guy. Don't wanna put my problems on your shoulders, but if u could at least just respond & maybe help me. I can't talk to anyone around me about this so I hold this in day in day out week after week, month after month, turning to year after year. My lil man is the game changer in this situation. Sry for the long script, even I I don't here from u, God bless u and power to u for overcoming the what seems as the overwhelmingly ("impossible").l💯
Eric its important to remember that YOU are the Master of your Life... Not Retroactive Jealousy. Don't allow it to continue to dominate your days... Dig deep down and raise up and face this thing head on. Give it the big ole middle finger and start living your life the way you want to live it. You aren't a victim... You are a VICTOR! If you need/want extra help my friend I give away my personal email address for free with any course you sign up for! Good luck my friend 🙏
