heyy everyone for those of you looking to relax and ease some of the pain from those intrusive RJ thoughts… I would love to help! Check out my FREE Retroactive Jealousy MP3 meditation :) rjcure.com/meditation
20 years brother, 20 long and painful years and just now I have learned that I am not the only one with this issue. I have never know this even has its name. I am on medication, I attempted to kill myself. I quit sport, I stopped working. Today is the day 1. I take every single word of advice you have given here. Guys, wish me lot of luck. I need it.
You should have left, sorry to say it but you basically f your life, 20 years of sadness. Its not her fault anymore ok but you just not okay with that, and after 20 years of relationship you cant leave her cuz of course, now shes amazing and she did lot for you..
@@YbcA1 I am doing pretty good. Better with every week. I have learnt how to disassociate myself from this feeling. I think, we all exaggerate the issue. Everyone's story is different. Some people have extreme cases, mine isn't that bad.
@@elturco163 I think this is a bad advice, quite bad and immature. Something that was before me, has no affect or at least should not have much affect on my relationship. Even sometimes some people cheat and being forgiven. My case isn't serious at all. Once I realized it, it is only getting better.
To anyone struggling with this, practice detachment. Know that you do not own your partner and that no one before you owned them. That they are their own free soul, and you will be free from this
@@tmpbin8147 I had RJ previously, recovered but we broke up. Braking up really helps recovery, but remember it will come back with new partner. I’m experiencing it now with my new partner.
Something that I've been experiencing is the feeling on not wanting to talk with my partner. There are moments where I'm talking to her and all of a sudden I lose the motivation. I start to remember the things she did in the past and it makes me a bit disappointed. I don't know when I'm going to be relieved but this is tough to go through, especially since the one causing the harm is myself.
Its very tough I completely understand. Just keep in mind its not the thoughts that actually bother you but its the feeling associated with them it does. its that disappointed feeling that sucks all the motivation out of you that you don't like. So don't focus on being "ok" with the thoughts or try to rationalize anything... instead just start being "ok" with the feeling. It totally sucks I get it. But the sooner you can just allow the emotion in and just be ok with it for a little bit... the sooner its going to stop all together.
@@vi72374 The relationship ended, but during the times of loneliness I started to see my insecurities. One by one I started to "fix them" by working on my spiritual, mental and physical health. I'm now in a good place (there is much to come with time) and meditation has been a major help. It's still a long way to go, but I don't have my past insecurities anymore. I now know what and who I am and I'm feeling as confident as ever rn.
I’m kind of tearing away at my new marriage because of this. I really do not care about their exs or old encounters but I just can’t stop thinking about them!! I get mad at him and we fight and I feel so bad afterwards. It’s like my brain is self sabotaging my relationship.
the first step in your healing is to stop getting mad at him. you are allowed to heal this *with your partner. you can talk about it with him and still feel anger without getting mad *at him. does he understand what you’re going through?
It helped me brak the cycle when I realised I was causing a much worse, presnt day problem that would result in the destruction of something good. The enemy is not the past, but your thoughts destroying the present. Stop the OCD by making it the problem, not your partners past. Now is where the love is.
I struggle with this so much to the point of throwing up and not wanting to be intimate. Asking questions and everything, and finding out he lied to me about a lot of what he has all done, it all hurts so much and I can’t wait for it to not hurt anymore. Thank you for giving me hope.
How are you doing now? My girlfriend has told me she has never had sex outside of relationships but I know she used to hang out with guys sometimes and I am so convinced that she is lying even though I never doubted her at all for the first 10 months we dated. I also get nauseous to the point where I struggle to keep food down.
@@connorwhitedik im sooo much better! Thank you for asking. I'm sorry you are doing through this, but like matt says it really does get better and it's amazing. I spent 6 years of my life dwelling on this OCD because I didn't know I had OCD and also didnt have the resources to get better. My advice would be to really continue watching these videos and learning from them and really do what he says. What has really been helping me with this and anxiety in general, is to force yourself to act as if you didn't have any of the anxiety at all. Do what you would do if you were completely normal. This has helped immensely. And keep telling yourself that the anxious feeling is a good thing, don't run from it. Be happy about when you get anxiety about it, have like a "bring it on" kind of attitude. It eventually will train your mind into not having that fearful feeling anymore. Focus on the moment, your gf loves you right now and is in the moment with you right now and that is what matters. Treat your OCD as a separate entity from yourself, it's not you, it's your OCD and you WILL get better. You have to be disaplinned about it like diet and exercise, you won't see results unless you do what you have to do. And you CAN do it. I'll be praying for you and your gf :) Another thing that has helped me alot is self growth. Watch some Impact Theory videos here on RU-vid, and focus on growing your mind and your hobbies. You got this 👍
@@elliecraig1520 Appreciate your response and I am glad to hear you are doing better! Really gives me hope. I have had other forms of OCD for a long time and never had the resources or knowledge either to get help - I just thought I was a jealous, insecure person. It’s hard right now but I will do my best to not focus on the thoughts and let them get me down. I’ll try my best to do what I would normally do if I was completely normal. The ones I really have to ignore are the ones telling me I should leave her because she “let all these other guys have sex with her for nothing” and I’m the only one that has been there really for her and blah blah blah. I know it’s all bullshit but it’s hard right now to separate myself from these thoughts. Thanks again for your kind words, it means a lot.
@@connorwhitedik of course!! I COMPLETELY understand. Just don't fear those thoughts and don't think you are a bad person for thinking them, they aren't you but they are very good at making you think that it is you. One day at a time, and one moment at a time, work step by step and eventually it just fades away. Make new fun memories together and focus on that. You got this 😊
I overcame this by myself. Part of that was leaving my ex. Now in a new relationship and its not even a problem! A big part of my RJ was an unsupportive partner- he lied a bunch too and never helped my insecurities. I dug myself out of that hole, and by the end of my RJ I was over him. Didnt really deal with RJ before, or after. Ive never dated anyone who slept around like him, and never will, but thats a value and moral thing. It was a horrible relationship, and that contributes a lot.
Hey matt I just wanted to thank you. I’m 22 and have been in love twice. Once a year an a half and now my new girlfriend. I struggled with retrospective jealousy in my last relationship without knowing what it was. I asked questions I didn’t need or want the answers too. I would see full hd quality memories that I was never apart of and that tbh was giving my loves past guys way too much credit. It didn’t matter that both told me I was by far there best experience Because I realize from your videos that it’s completely normal and necessary for everyone to have a past. Stay focused on improving yourself to your best abilities and you have nothing more you can do. Think about your own past and how you have little to no attachment to those people anymore. All these lessons have made such a difference and I’m so excited to get back to loving myself and not obsessing over her. Just being there and caring for her. People, don’t ask questions it really doesn’t matter because guess what your still so happy to have them in your life. And dispute them finding themselves in the past they also are on this human experience journey just guessing and seeing what works. Be grateful you have them to brighten up your day and keep your weekends full of fun. And you know you still love being intimate with them so recognize retroactive jealousy is a struggle but it’s one you get to overcome and be a much more mature and better person because of it.
@@HigorMatos Yes I did, 4 years ago. And I’m currently with a new partner, same shit happens. Remember, RJ won’t magically disappear if dumb your partner. You have to work through it. With the previous experience and knowledge I have, I’m trying my very best to overcome it. ERP is the gold standard for RJ. Take care of your sleep, practice ERP an hour a day. Try mindfulness and include physical exercises too. It’s really going to help your recovery.
Thank you. I have been having a tough time with RJ. My girlfriend is so understanding. She has had nothing but awful guys in her life and I’m not claiming to be a saint but I was raised to be a good man and treat women well. Her and I love eachother very much but still the damn RJ hits me at times
i’ve had rj for about 5 months now and i was really suffering from it it got so bad that some days i literally wanted to die, not kill myself just die and when i discovered your channel and what you do to help us rj sufferers really put a dent into all my thoughts and some days i don’t even get thoughts anymore, although i do still have terrible days and those days are the worst, but when i watch ur videos they really just take my mind off it for a while
Hi jad . I’m with you mate your not the only one who feels like dying. I’ve actually tired to act on these feelings it got so bad at one point. I still struggle daily, but I do feel like there is hope at the end. I think it’s important to celebrate the small victories. If you go an hour without reacting to your thoughts then it’s a victory. If you go a day then i see this as a massive victory. I want to send you my best wishes, I’m right there with you and it’s so good to know that we don’t suffer alone. People like Matt should be given a knighthood! It’s really important to talk to people in similar situations. Keep up the good fight. Maybe one day we could all get together and laugh about this. Best of luck to you
Something that has helped me is to remember something that used to induce fear and no longer does. That can give one enough confidence to show that minds/ppl can change (our reactions to thoughts).
The idea that yer mind wants to explore dangerous ideas makes a lot of sense. It’s looking for life threats. I was terrified by my dad as a child so my brain is wired to look for threats. A lot of this has been helped with therapy but the RJ stuff has really hung on as a manifestation of potential danger. I like the idea of training the mind not to buy into the thoughts so it can learn to relax. Lately I’ve been refocusing on my direct outer environment when these thoughts arise. Like looking at the wall or furniture to make contact with the outside world so I don’t get swept away by fantasy. Thanks for making these videos it’s helpful to get reminders of which path to take because it’s easy to get lost when I’m learning a new direction.
I've been suffering over 30 years and have begged for help! I now have a mentor and I was talking to her last week and she said the exact same thing as you! Thank you for such a great video and congratulations on no longer being trapped
@@retroactivejealousyrelief I’m struggling so badly! Things are fine between me & my partner but I cannot cope or stop thinking about the amount ( loads!) of people he’s been with before me. It’s destroying me.
Not sure this will help me or anyone else but.... I lost a woman I dearly loved from RJ. I lost my mind several times with her over things I shouldnt have. I realize now how I should have handled the situations but its to late for me. The most hurtful thing to me is realizing its my fault for losing her.I have to understand why she left me and it just kills me.... facing yourself and being truthful to what you have done is so unbelievable hard and sad. Like most I had no idea what was wrong with me. Before you lose that love in your life to this useless destructive behavior think of what you are doing!!! Think of how you will feel if they left you because of this RJ. That should slap you in the face!!!! If I had found out how to deal with RJ just a few months ago... I would still have her next to me. This hurts worse than any jealous memory!!!! GET YOURSELF RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
ALONE is where you will be every time you do this rj crap....they can only take so much of it. BUT... I have since come to understand what she did to make me jealous was her fault completely but mine as well for reacting to it. Go find another gal asap even just for physical fun..it helps!@@redlineshawn1700
I saved myself for someone I would fall in love with and she didn't. I love her so much. It sometimes makes me feel bad that she had sex with people she wasn't even in a relationship with and one of them is her best friend who she still talks to all the time
After watching your videos about radioactive jealousy and applying the pointers, i finally feel free. I have my moments but i finally feel at peace. Thank you for teaching me about my obsessive thinking.
Thank you. I didnt realize so many others deal with the exact same issues. Its weird that we all have the exact same type of thoughts. Definitely a science to it. Recently i opened my eyes and realized how special my wife is and we have been happier than ever. I make sure she knows how much she is loved and appreciated...and then for the first time in years the r.j. kicked in. Probably because i only realize now how lucky i am and i have a lot to lose if i mess things up. This rj was getting the best of me pretty bad the last two weeks
I had a very similar thng- the more I loved her the more the past seemed to be a threat somehow. Getting in touch with the beautiful thing you and her have now- and then making it more beautiful can really help. We have been having the best sex of our lives after 25 years together. Good luck my firend. Stay strong. Your partner needs you to, she loves you.
For me, it's just a feeling of disgust toward my partner's past and the fact that how the person I love with all my heart now was easily conquered by random men when she was at her prime.
I felt the same- trust me the disgust is routed in Jealosy of a sort... you want her all to yourself for all time. You must focus on the fact that you DO have that from now on, and the past is not important to her, and nor will it be to you. Take the control back, by loving her more. The thoughts are not her. THey are ALSO no real. We make it worse in our minds than the reality which is likely somewheat mundane.
Thank you so much for giving actual techniques on what to do. I have been going to therapy but it’s not helping and I think it’s because I’m not getting any real guidance. I need to know what to do. I’m going to try what you are suggesting. I really think it’s worth a shot.
My fiance past is killing me this the wrost time of my life i am facing this is so painful things are killing me from inside did someone got recovered from this pain
she is very nice girl and i think she deserve better than me she deserve love which now i am unable to give her because of those stunning head shaking thoughts i dont want to hurt her by digging her past and i also not want to loose her i am confused what should i do should i quite relationship or wait for some time for things got better
Know her better and see how much she loves you and how much value you as a man and the most important thing how much she respects and loves herself. If she really respects love and she demonstrates you that you are important to her. She’s not going to play herself with any other man. An ex represent past. Sometimes a really painful and bad experience in her life.
This video spoke to me on a personal level, you don't know how much it means to me and how much it will help me, I became emotional listening to you because I could relate to and understand everything you said. Thank you for posting this, god bless you.
The only thing I feel when I think about my partner having a previous physical relationship is disgust. I feel disgusted from touching my partner's body after knowing that he has been intimate with someone else's body.
Firstly- the disgust is routed in jealosy because you want her whole mind and body, because you have devoted so much to her. It helped me to instead learn how to really unlock my wifes desires. Almsot no men really devote time to this. Those other guys were almost certainly pretty vanilla, as most of us are until we REALLY know the woman... but you must take the time. Remember, she chose you. She loves you. You need to step up as a man and rememeber that you are enough no matter what she did in the past.
thankyou so much man, might be one of the most helpful videos i have ever found in my life it cured my anxiety and gave a ray of hope, thankyou so much
@user-fm3cv3ct8w I am in it. This video makes so much sense and today will be day 1 of the process. Please check back in with me. Please help me with any advice from your experience. How do you feel now?
Did you ever have those intrusive thoughts get stuck while trying to be intimate with your partner? How do you refocus on being present with your partner during those intimate moments?
I used to have it too and I will feel no erection. Sometimes have premature ejaculation. I think it will get better with time. Practice sex for sex sake, leave the emotions and thoughts alone while trying to be intimate. Goodluck pal
I like your content something I can relate I haven't felt that much of a jealous but Ever since I found out my girlfriend had a child in the past I can't handle it it's just too much...
Gotta dig deeper to the root cause. All these thoughts and behaviors are tied to our childhood trauma. Understand attachment theory, research somatic awareness, combined with inner child meditation to tackle the root causes. We need to understand why we even developed ocd, adhd, anxious worrier and more by going through your past and healing those parts you might not want to visit.
@@HigorMatos Yes I was. And made major improvements through healing my core wounds. As I addressed and reprogrammed my subconscious mind. Retroactive jealous, along with other things such as anxiety, overthinking, etc significantly decreased.
@@kumarboy95 Yes understanding what type of attachment you have is the first step. There are 4 types: Secure attachment and 3 different subtypes of insecure attachment. (Anxious Pre Occupied, Dismissive Avoidant, or Fearful Avoidant which is also called Disorganized attachment) Search up Thais Gibson, she does a good job explaining attachment theory. Awakening with Brian uses Somatic Awareness and inner child meditation to address the core wounds. Finally Dr. Daniel P Brown, used a method called ideal parent figure to help heal your core wounds. His method is an alternative if you have trouble addressing core trauma wounds. He uses a positive visualization of recreating the ideal parents you needed without touching on the negative upbringing. This helps to re program the subconscious
I’ve not done a compulsive behavior in over a month but my anxious responses towards the thoughts have not changed at all. I find myself obsessing over RJ and how to make myself stop obsessing by watching tons and tons of videos, how do I get myself out of this loop so I can just forget about all of this?
I’ve known that I have had it for a year now, it started with my ex a year ago, but I didn’t know it was RJ, she then broke up with me 5 months later, I felt rubbish all the time and there was nothing I could do with it, I’m now in another relationship with a better partner who’s really understanding but I’m still suffering as much as I was but a lot more due to my partner having more sexual experiences in the past... rip. It feels so hopeless and it makes me feel like I’m incapable of being in a relationship
Thank you so much for what you're doing. So you're saying that if we don't get the adrenaline release, we interrupt the OCD part of the retroactive jealousy. But if the OCD behavior (for instance asking sexual details) comes not only from the "threat" but also from curiosity of knowing, is there still a chance to keep wanting to know the answer? I mean. There is the trigger, thoughts come, and I start to imagine my girlfriend having sex with the ex. If I am able to block the adrenaline, the brain doesn't think of it like a threat, but I still craving for the answer of the details of that particular moment with the ex
I get jealousy when he is far of me because i think he don't love me he still love his ex but she's married..and i dont want to worry about it i dont know why i feel jealous..they are from same village i live in town its insecurity..? When he is near me i feel comfort we are from 5years..but now suddenly thinking off it 😢
Thank you for your videos Matt:) You are saying that you overcame emotions, but what about thoughts? Are they still coming every day? How to stop them and never think about partner's past ever?
I'm from india.. Suffering from rj for 3 months..I have a cute daughter and wife who loves me truly and I love her too...Hope I will come over my rj soon
Step one is deciding wether or not the girl is worth it. Do you love her enough? Is she special enough? Is she worth holding onto and worth you going through the pain? If the answer is not a resounding yes then nothing you do will matter and it is best for both of you to end the relationship. If she is indeed special and precious and one of a kind and is so worth everything and you feel her ex truly messed up really bad by losing her then you can start the healing process. Remember he lost this precious girl HE LOST HER. She’s yours now and all he has are his stinkin memories and tears. You are not jealous of that man you pity him.
i do have OCD. I have exercise addiction and eating disorder among any other things because of my ocd. i rarely ask him about it compared to how much i think about it. i dont feel angry at him though. i know i feel jealous. he can sense this and he comforts me but its still not easy
I've discovered that I'm jealous of my mom. And the reason why is because whenever we have a fight, it's always MY fault. I have very bad OCD, and it makes me lose it, get touchy, flip out, and yell. I always apologize in the end, but the shame wrecks me. Convinces me I'm a bad son and bad person. I haven't been doing better, even despite my prayers. You know, there are pairs in life where one person is practically always right and the other person is practically always wrong. Like, the winning/innocent wife and the losing/guilty husband. Well, basically, I feel that way about my mom and me. I own that I screw up and lose my cool and make our arguments worse, with my emotions, pride, and OCD. It is my fault. But that's the problem. It's always my fault. I'm always the loser here. I don't take pride in being right; I'm fine with being wrong sometimes, especially everyone is at some point. But with my mom, it's aways her 👍and me👎. If she was morally wrong a few times, that would help, because it just makes her and me equally human. But no, I'm the lesser human here. This isn't as simple as "human beings make mistakes" or "Everybody has flaws." No, I'm part of the _real_ pathetic humans of this world, like Nick Godejohn or Joe Biden or any other politicians. I am always the source of our fights and my flaws and mistakes lead to them. I just can't seem to stop my behavior, and in addition, I have to be the loser here. I don't know what to do. If I could take a buIIet for her I would. I wish I could make up for my faults, redeem myself, and...be right at some point. Like I said, I'm jealous of her.
Guys I don’t have this problem with my girlfriend but she has it whit me what can I do to help support her and get through it because she has been wanting to end things because it’s hard but it has been really hard on me to I want to stay with her I am in love with her and I want to help make things work
comparing your partner to your ex who is 10 years younger taller handsome 6pack with bigger pp good teeth. Lived together 4years first Australian. Then try not to think about it when you find out this 4months into the relationship when everything was great before 🤔. Just trying to be positive and a good man, am I a bad insecure person for this? Please need help
I am about to start the video and I came to understand I have RJ it’s like a virus killing me I am hurting my partner and I am hurting myself too , she is still there with me and trying understand me. I had a past relationship where I was treated bad and was cheated on multiple times idk if it’s cause of it or if it’s cause of something else, all I want is to get out of it I am hurting myself so much cause if my own overthinking and rj I wanna get better for me and my partner I wanna be happy with her
My gf had sexual relationship with someone else. But at that time we were not together. But when we got into relationship she lied to me that she is a virgin. Now I found out the truth. How should I overcome this thing. I feel jealous of that boy as well as angry with her for lieing. But I love her so much that I don't want to leave her for one mistake.
The RJ doesn't always need to be physically related stuff but also related to emotionally related stuff too. In my opinion we can try to overcome this with the fact that almost everyone has a past, but what matters is who they are with at present. They might have been interested in their ex in the past, but somehow they overcame that thought and see you as their love of life. If it makes you feel better let me tell you this "you're better than them and they found you as the best if you ended up marrying the person" That's what ultimately matters.... Now the question is, is your partner loyal, honest and sincere ? Even after discussing this with them, are they trying to help you to overcome this demon (RJ). In simple terms are they worth the effort ? If yes please do not leave them else you will end with a pile of guilt and regrets, which is much more worse than the RJ I hope. If not question yourself whether you need a partner ? Overcoming OCD will help with this for sure. Looking for a healthy discussion ✨ Correct if i went wrong somewhere ✌🏻...
The thing is some people can mix RJ up with their culture influence or with their moral values. But you are talking about true RJ here - yes, if you don’t cure it it will be forever with you no matter who your partner is. Even a virgin(Experienced it twice). Even a person who has never loved(I suppose), because you’ll anyway find something to care about. I know a guy who was desperate about the fact that his partner had sex. He ended up with a virgin this way and guess what? He cared that she wasn’t attractive to anyone before him so she chose him only due to the fact that only he was the one who showed true interest in her, he divorced because of it So honestly maybe your “but this person ends up with you so you are the best” isn’t a very effective way to overcome it. Matt is right - you do need to cure exactly the OCD part of it, when you have cured it you can analyze your relationship and your partner and draw any conclusions like that so they can give some good feelings. But this disease can’t be cured rationally
hi Matt. I'm suffering this OCD right now in this moment of my life. I'm constanly in pain for it. And i'm really thinking to break up with my girlfriend over this. In my case are two things: One, she showed me some pics of her and a past relationship. It wasn't her fault, she didn't mean to show me it, but i see something that I can't describe. Two, she confess to me that she had a kiss with some guy she always talked about along our relationship. The guy is a kind of a steroids taker, very different of me, I'm a skinny man. Could you give me some advice regarding my information that is not just a tought? Not just my imagination. But pictures I've seen and a muscle dude that she always talked about for me?
You listen to your conscience, as tough as it is, best to move on and hold out to you meet somebody who has the same morals and values as yourself. In the end you'll be so much happier
You get the thought, but you relable it as OCD, reassure yourself you are safe, and you do not explore it further. Eventualy the emotional response is dulled, then the thought stop.
My partner didn't had sex not a physical touch but she had exes and that she use to talk on phone now i have trust issue with her that what if she is telling lie with me. What if she did physical something.. i need help plz anyone help me
My boyfriend used to like few girls who didn't like him back. So now when I'm in a relationship with him i get bothered with the fact that he's been rejected by those girls or he used to like other girls. And if its a right decision for me to date him or do I deserve better? Cause I'm someone who've been always approached by many men but never got rejected by any.. I haven't even approached any guy earlier in my life also..I want to be with him.. he's even planning to marry me..but something's wrong with me..I'm just not okay with the fact that he used to like some other girl or had a crush on..Idk I feel cheated and I feel like I should breakup with him..he keeps assuring me that he loves me a lot but I just can't stop overthinking about his past. I feel like he wouldn't have been with me if those girls like her back. I feel like a second choice and he's with me because those girls rejected him. He tries to get better for me in every way but I'm just stuck with his fact that he used to love other girls who didn't love her back so maybe even I deserve a better guy who hasn't been rejected by anyone earlier? Someone please help how to get over this :)
Hey , I am manifesting my sp since a very long time I let it go , I got signs , but when today I asked my sp about us he was still at his own decisions , I mean nothing changed n said he is happy with his decision of not being in contact idk where m going wrong .
@@Lifeofsuu06 Sorry, not me... RU-vid will delete comments randomly if it picks up random keywords it doesn't like. Just continue to put in your steps. Focus on yourself and your own self love.... don't let what he said affect your vibration. Continue to vibe high, continue to visualize, continue to meditate and feel great and it'll happen for sure :)
Hi mohamed, I only give out my email to individuals signed up for my course. If you're interested check the description of this video for links and more info :)
Помоги мне . У нас в России не знают как избавиться от нее. Есть помощь на русском языке??? Помоги я не могу принять когда у девушек более 2- х парней мне противно охватывает зло,паника ,ненависть. Психотерапия не помогает((((
@@Priest92Help me. Here in Russia they don’t know how to get rid of it. Is there help in Russian??? Help me, I can’t accept it when girls have more than 2 guys, I feel disgusted and overcome with anger, panic, and hatred. Psychotherapy doesn’t help((((. Now I can’t find a girl for myself because more than two are disgusting; this terrible unpleasant state inside me has tormented me; it’s disgusting.
If I wanted to make a video that was going to destroy men's lives, this is the exact video I would make. This is terrible advice and if followed will ruin your life.
Actually I thought the same, but The RJ doesn't always need to be physically related stuff but also related to emotionally related stuff too. In my opinion we can try to overcome this with the fact that almost everyone has a past, but what matters is who they are with at present. They might have been interested in their ex in the past, but somehow they overcame that thought and see you as their love of life. If it makes you feel better let me tell you this "you're better than them and they found you as the best if you ended up marrying the person" That's what ultimately matters.... Now the question is, is your partner loyal, honest and sincere ? Even after discussing this with them, are they trying to help you to overcome this demon (RJ). In simple terms are they worth the effort ? If yes please do not leave them else you will end with a pile of guilt and regrets, which is much worse than the RJ I hope. If not question yourself whether you need a partner ? Overcoming OCD will help with this for sure
Your happy smirk when talking about your wife crying is evil. For those who met a partner with RJ i have an advice for you. Dont walk. RUN!!! Run for your life. Hawk.
