“Be friendly, but distant” is how I live my life (mainly my work life). This keeps drama down. It also keeps the wrong people from becoming too familiar and/or comfortable with me.
Should have had this advise 3 1/2 months ago when I started a job and got too "chummy" at work. Guess who the bullies turned on after a while. So yeah. Distance but friendly seems to be the only answer for me these days. Learned the horribly tough way, sadly
Can you tell me how you become friendly but distant? Because I come off cold when I do that. I feel like im being fake when I try to be friendly. I wonder if my coldness is an issue.
@@raymondflores5176 Raymond... this discussion isn’t a political discussion. And I kindly ask you to please wake up and don’t let politicians and mainstream news channels to influence you into chiseling sides or fighting agains whatever side. We’re all in the same boat here (unless you’re really rich, a millionaire or billionaire). You don’t realize that politicians, specially the right, only benefit from this game of pushing up agains each other. It’s a distraction tactic to distract from the fact that both parties aren’t doing enough for all people in this country that more than ever are being squeezed to a pulp in so many areas. Don’t let them brain wash you and fight for what’s right like helping everyone in your country, at the least. Wish you well though.
@@Tabaitha_Elle Yes. Genuine people are good because in their core they are confident in themselves as people so they have no need to gossip and put people down in a direct or passive aggressive way.
I have found that exclusion has been a wonderful gift. I recently learned that I am allowed boundaries and I am teaching my children it is ok to have boundaries. When I am excluded from a group I see it as a blocked door for toxicity in my life. It was not my group to be a part of and a much better group is out there for me. I would rather be alone for a short time and find my right group of friends than to settle. I love the friendly but distant advice. I view it as respecting myself by being respectful of others.
Honestly this has its problems bc it’s not just exclusion relational aggressors use at times it can get much more personal and attacking and it’s imperative as an adult and self respecting woman to defend yourself I think we need to stop “tolerating” adult relational aggression and call the behavior out its not cool to be cruel and mean or simply a B
I heard a scientific study before where it said women were biologically programmed as so; cave women compete with each other to mate with a single alpha male's attention or exchanging "prostitution" services for meal to maintain survival. I'm guessing, this genetic-trait were passed down and we have not yet managed to get it out.
It isn't just women my dear. The majority of men nitpick each other all the time. And a lot of men in the workplace bully and make fun of women and the women just laugh it off. I've also seen men try to make a task harder on a woman on purpose. I don't know where some people get that this is only a woman thing
Workplace exclusion bullying is terrible. I had one woman that would not give me eye contact when talking to me. It was quite clear that she didn't want to speak to me, even though I was the new girl, I was trying to be friendly. It did affect my mood for a while, as I was vulnerable due to other issues happening in my life and always thought I had done something terribly wrong. I also noticed that she looked up to a few of the other girls in the office and she was lovely to them. Now I'm much older, I realise the psychology behind these people. They need help with their own issues. They are not even worth considering
It happened me exactly the same. I started working in a new company in London and I was the only one in the office from abroad. My boss was happy with my job and I tried to do my best. One of the girls, an HR assistant didn't like me, she was ignoring me all the time and criticizing me. I tried to be nice with her and friendly but the most I tried the worst she treated me. She also had a "friend" who did the same to me. One day we had to move from one office to another and they thew me a notebook to my face. In the Christmas party they were excluding me from the group all the time. It was so exhausting they were too mean.
Lol idda flip my hair everytime i passed her and befriend her friends or whoever she close to at work. I may have even given her a dose of her own medicine and not give her eye contact.
Workplace bullying is a sad reality...I was shocked when I encountered it recently and ulitimately lost my job as a result of standing up to her and her bf..the boss. 🤨 But, for me it's a win, as I am not subjected to their nonsense anymore. Quite a learning experience.
I've experienced mean girl as an adult. It hurts more because it's premeditated by adult females, and when your an adult you understand what's going on.... I prefer to be a loner.
Yep. I have personally experienced this with my mother and sister toward me. When I call them out on their lies and manipulations, they claim I am the bully. You cannot make up this nonsense. I now stay away and do not engage at all. Sad, but it is what I have to do to protect myself from them.
I’m a hairstylist and salons are full of mean girls!! There are always little clicks that put other people down! Being distant and not getting pulled into the drama is the only way to survive!!
Ugh, this is too true!!! It sucks. I have the hardest time making friends, and when I thought I had “friends”, I noticed that I didn’t get invited places where as others did. I have coworkers who sit there and talk about their plans in front of me, it’s like open exclusion, lol. They order out all the time and don’t bother to ask me. It really use to bother me but I’ve realized I can’t change it. Now, I keep a distance and remain kind :-)
If they are less attractive, older or heavier than you. They see you as a threat. They group up. If you are prettier, slimmer and younger you will be singled out at some point. Women are very catty and naturally competitive with eachother.
@@rlabarberaand @rainy ocean You are absolutely right! I've worked with some mean old bitches. You'd think they would behave better because they're more mature. You can't look up to those older than you anymore. They're insecurities make them vicious.
I resigned today due to this! I just broke down and cried! I have no savings and don’t know what I’m going to do. I have to practice what I preach ( not at work of course) but I have to have faith God is moving me to something better! Good riddins to those mean girls! My heartfelt condolences to those that feel the way I do today which is devastated.
So sorry. Have been through this myself. It really hurts. God bless you and good luck in the future. Here’s hoping for a bright and fruitful.... prosperous future for us both ❤️
Aww... I know exactly how you feel. I’ve currently been experiencing this on my job, almost daily. I’m openly excluded, it use to really hurt me but I’ve really had to take it in prayer with the Lord because it was eating me up. God has given me joy and peace! Stay encouraged sister. The enemy is busy and is trying to destroy Gods people. Remember, the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Rest in the Lords presence, He will give you life!💗 Blessings to you💋🙏🏽
I walked out on my job of 19 years as elementary school clerk due to my bullies in June 8 of last year. Same as you no savings no plan A or B. My stress workmans comp case still in litigation. District fired me in February for job abandonment ( they refused to help me...Risk managment lady said "Sounds like you have personal issues w your secretary...and you need to work that out " their alleged my Bullies did not violate contractual duties so they would not have consequences. I cry alot but I know our Redeemer is holding us close. My biggest challenge is not hating them...I want to be nothing like them..but forgiving has been tough. Your not alone Ms. Ginger...glad we got away from those toxic people.
I do not talk about my personal life AT ALL at work. EVER. I go to work, put in my time, and go home. Work is separate from home. It's the ONLY way. You're not there to make friends. You're there for a paycheck. Period.
I drop toxic women like hot potatoes. I have very few friends because of it. I don’t understand what is wrong with women today but a lot of narcissism.
Oh my goodness. Years back, I worked at a place for a month and had to leave because the Marketing Director who hired me started bullying via passive aggressive remarks on daily basis about what I ate, how I dressed, even for being an android user. She found out we were close in age and started treating me a lot worse (people usually guess I'm a few years younger than my actual age). To be fair, she looked at least 5 years older than her age but acted like a teenager. She was vicious and had this f*cked up superiority complex in the workplace. I took great satisfaction in quiting. As for workplace "friendships" those are purely circumstancial. Never let those people know too much about your life.
@@ReayTraynor Thanks. I think it's important for people to leave those types of situations in a respectful but also clear manner. No* one should get to bully without being called out.
Alexa Likes you should have reported her & started a paper trail. I’m sure you wasn’t the first & definitely not going to be the last. I’m sure because of her they have a high turnover rate. If you quit within a month I’m sure that raised questions
I had the same thing happen to me in a department in the hospital that I work in where I took a to pay grade cut for health insurance. I left a higher-paying job, but needed more credentials and more education for health insurance. I'm not sure, but a lot of times the managers didn't know the answers to things that I would know. They started to write me up for senseless reasons. They claim that I turn the volume down on the phone and wrote me up for that. Eventually, speaking with my co-workers who told me that they are cliquish and will push people out, I decided to resign and I found a better job, where they asked me what I wanted to start at, the people are wonderful! So you win some and lose some but I definitely understand your plight because I've been there! Good luck to you and your future blessings and love. Edit: I went to human resources about my complaint but once again they're there to protect the company. If anybody thinks otherwise they are wrong. Big corporations you're just another liability to them and did nothing to help me. Eventually all these people lost their jobs because in this particular Department the management was so bad they were losing money to be exact 24 million and 6 months so UnitedHealthcare took over. Karma always backfires in the end always. We've all been on the receiving end of it as well
@@Risha-Rene I walked out after barely a month of working part time and when I gave her my two weeks, she said I could collect my things and leave at noon. No one said bye or even asked me how I felt. I was honestly so relieved to leave that place that I couldn't be bothered. People like that get whats coming to them. If there is ever a next time, which I hope is not the case, I won't look the other way and I'll definitely consider this advice.
I’m a guy and I work in an office of mean girls. It’s horrible. They hate all their male co-workers and think we’re all morons, but they don’t hate as much as they hate each other!
I worked on a local cruise ship and a circle of mean girls went after one of the guy bartenders. I don't work there anymore but he became a captain. LOL
My older sister was abused when we were growing up, and she became the meanest of mean girls. She’s very powerful, a real manipulator, can be charming but uses everything she knows about you to compete and win. She wants every other woman to fail. I stopped trying to be a friend to her a couple of years ago, and while I still feel sad for her from time to time, I don’t miss her toxic personality.
Bullied by my mother and older sister. They did it for amusement. When I was a younger adult I had some female friends. I don't anymore. They're cruel to each other because they're insecure? Well, bless their hearts. Good luck with that.
I am experiencing the same thing from my mother and older sister. I am 39 years old, My mother is 63 and my older sister is 40. They are bullies toward me. I know this because I have two adult brothers and my sister and mother do not treat them badly. They do not. But with me, they attempt to silence me, gaslight me and generally prohibit free speech. It's absolutely unbelievable to watch. I am an odd woman, meaning, I do not subscribe to stereotypical feminine behaviors...I prefer logic over emotion, I prefer self - reflection over constant chatter. When I try to confront them on issues, they become like rabid tyrants, trying to suppress issues. They do not behave the same way toward my two brothers. It's unreal.
I feel that adult bullies that have or care for children, should be reportable to child protective services. Even if they've never bullies children directly, their example is not only teaching children how to treat others, but studies have shown that people who are accompanied by a bully often become one, to prevent from becoming the target of their bully.
I am a teacher and we have a bully on staff. She is very bitter. The most interesting thing is her son is a student in the school and is a bully. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
My daughter had a teacher who did absolutely nothing to stop the bullying she witnessed happening to my daughter and then would tell my daughter to “ignore it”. She has been homeschooled three years after that school year.
I'm a nanny. I moved because I married someone across the country here. Babysitter/nanny women that already lived here are going around spreading lies about me hoping families will hire them instead. They're getting me kicked out of FB groups too because a group of them are coordinating and the group admins figure oh so many people DMing me. They are too stupid to see that they are friends.
My kids not a bully. She's just a feisty passionate sweetheart. If her clap back is stronger, don't provoke then. I've def never told my kid to belittle others. But I've def told her at times, I can't even be mad at u. Some other things, is def her own personality. My youth would never. I'd still be orbiting the planets at a hundred :/ from being kicked off the face of earth so damn hard. Also I was really here 4 yrs ago... & Idk what I was even talking about... Specifically. Ha, must've not been that important 🙄🤔
I’m currently going through this. I work in the medical field for a hospital. Being friendly and keeping your distance really isn’t good enough. They still will talk about you behind your back and create false lies about you to get others to not like you too. The more they don’t know about you, the more they make up stuff… just to have something to talk about. I mind my business and I stay out of the way. I don’t bother anyone. So what reason would they have to even mention my name? It’s crazy
I'm exhausted from raising children and being a responsible adult that I don't have time for drama. It amazes me that grown women with children have the energy to be aholes to each other. Life is too short to put up with BS
Getting compensated is why I work. No bonds of friendship at work. I am concise, brief, and I maintain a fast pace on my job. No, my coworkers and I are not having lunch. Regrettably, I have encountered this phenomenon more frequently among ladies of my own racial melonated background.
I have mean girls in the workplace. So I befriended the leader, Regina. Then her Gretchen tried to come for me, so I verbally assaulted her in front of others so they all got the crystal clear message that I am not the one to be messed with!
I pulled out my camera and recorded the male bully at my job, needless to say he changed his tune real quick. Also, I watched the company female bully get fired because of her alcohol problem. Niether of them have a good work ethic. The best way to eliminate a bully is to out work them, and soon the boss should notice what's going on. Don't let a bully get in your head. That's when they win.
And now in 2022, no one ever gets ahead by outworking anyone--we just get more work, more expectations, and less leeway to make the same mistakes that anyone else would get to make.
@chilliecheesecake Absolutely!!!! Managers don't want to deal with conflict and tell you, you are not ignoring it like I would, you're taking it wrong BLAH BLAH BLAH so the bully fets away with it. SMDH
Act like you don’t care- hold your head high and never back down from someone who picks on you or someone else!!! They are the most insecure people you will ever meet!
The WORST is passive aggression. You’ll be all “ WHATS WRONG, WHATS THE PROBLEM?” And they’re like ... “nothing”. And they continue to act 12 and they will never ever give u anything to resolve . It’s truly infuriating. It’s bc there is nothing tangible to discuss. It’s just them raging bc they’re a threatened brat- and nobody admits that. I would hate to act stupid to someone and them KNOW it’s bc I’m a miserable threatened person . That is back to back psychotic, lame ass behavior, yet these idiots tend to have a following and have the power to ensure your misery and discomfort. Like, that should be an outcasted personality type, but rather it’s just the opposite ! What a weird world...
Sadly, there are so many catty women out there, that when you end up in a profession that is mostly female, that's who you have to be surrounded by. Catty coworkers, catty bosses, catty supervisors of supervisors, leaving you with no one to turn to in order to stop the malicious, unprofessional, and toxic behavior of these kinds of women. It's best to either be the boss of a female oriented profession so you can stop it, or go work somewhere else. Nursing is a profession FULL of catty women.
I am a nurse. I dreaded going to work everyday due to the Mean behavior of the women. And their flying monkeys. It is difficult to focus on The patient and patient needs When we are being spoken To with put downs, insulting Remarks. It is easy to say Look for your “ sister hood” But in these situations there Are no sisters only monsters. Some Hospitals even encourage this issue. In orientation of new employees this should be Discussed ( work place bullying)and how it will not Be tolerated.
Delilah Jones I am a nurse as well and this is the truth! I’ve been doing this for years and if I float to any floor I see this. I stand in who I am and I leave those chicks alone and they leave me alone. I was bullied when I was younger and I do not have the time or patience for that as an adult.
There are a ton of catty males too. I never noticed a difference if there are more women who do it on men who do it. I've dealt with the meanest men you are so bitter and inconsiderate. If anything the majority of the place where there is women, everyone understand each other more.
I encountered a mean girl on my team at work. Mentioned to my boss yesterday and he saw it for himself after. If she does it again I’m checking her on it.
Agreed to an extent, many sisterhoods are falsehoods too. Look for 1-2 sincere friendships or none at All. Make them associates if they don’t prove to be trustworthy and kindhearted.
Just learn how to stand up for yourself...I'm super friendly & like to live life with an open heart.Almost everyone starts off with an A+ with me.But try to hurt me in anyway,and I'll snap in seconds.🙂
Veronica Cobb yes, same here. My mother didn’t play that “mean girl” ish. She taught us to recognize our individual gifts (self love) and uplift each other not kick someone down. She told us jealous women are weak and don’t like themselves... long ago. I never wanted to be one of “them”
@@spectacularrichbeautybrilli , i think you have very awesome mom , as a man , i want more women have a mom like your mom , because they will create high quality women , otherwise most of today population are low value and low quality women .
@5:03 “It’s ignorance (of intentional exclusion)and not perceived as mean.” Yeah, NO, I don’t buy it. That is called cognitive dissonance. Claiming they don’t notice what they’re doing, is just an excuse for BAD behavior. 😕
I am friendly from a distance at work because I do not want to associate with mean women and the managers are careless thats its not worth my energy. Lots of "leveling," isolation, insecure...& they are over 40!!! Grow up!!! Some are Moms! I am 34 and much more mature. Thank u for confirmation!
Basically, isn’t she talking about Narcisists? My ex was one, and people, stay away from Narcisistic people, or you’re most likely gonna have your heart and feelings heart!
I like being conceited confident and cocky plus courageous and competent. If you hate me and are jealous of me, then that is your problem not mine. End story. End scene
Luckily did not experience mean girls as a child but oh brother the mean girls that I have seen in the workplace....not sure what's going on in the workforce......
Coming back here because a few people liked my comment. I have been researching this a bit and found a technique which I wish I'd implemented early on dealing with my mean girl :-/ Too late now. But for the rest of you, here goes, It's called - making the hidden obvious. If somebody is passive aggressive in their strategies to exclude you - as soon as you're aware of it, you ''put them on notice'' by (for example) asking them outright ''am I welcome to sit here?'' and they will have to say yes really. Or you say 'did you mean to invite everybody except me?'' and again, they kind of have to say ''no' or their passive aggression becomes overt which they don't want because they are cowards'. Once they have back peddled you just say ''ok!'' and move on, accept them at their word as IF it were authentic. You know it's not but just say ''ok''. Apparently it puts them on notice that YOU won't stand for being disrespected. It may seem like a small dialogue but it is a warning to them I guess.
Yes, being honest and upfront makes them very uncomfortable. They then want to avoid the discomfort and, therefore, start acting respectful. And your comment that one should move on and accept them at their word is SO spot on. Acting any other way would make us the mean women.
Wow. That is a horrible situation then. They sound like a bunch of sheep where all pretence of good character has been abandoned. I know it's easy to type but I still think that mirroring their own behaviour back to them quite publicly makes things more awkward in the short term but if it's a job that you know you want then in the long term it will make things better. Ie, comments such as ''I think I must have misheard you there, you couldn't possibly have said that'' or, ''did you mean to take your cue from the Queen Bee'' that kind of thing. Not accusing them per se as that will make them mad but checking back with them that they have really said /done/ taken ownership of the very unpleasant thing that they said /did. No more. Never accuse. Ask them to confirm. ''have I understood this correctly'?'. Even if they don't reply and leave your request for confirmation that you have interpreted their statement/action correctly, they will feel that the spotlight has swung too uncomfortably towards their own character. Please try it. I have been following this method for a few months now. ie, not having the fear I used to have to momentarily make things awkward. After there is awkwardness (perceived awkwardness from confrontation) change the subject. Even use the benjamin franklin effect. After asking if you've understood them correctly, then ask for a small favour. Can I have a post-it? do you have staples? Can you check the rota for me?. Let me know if it works. I'm learning as I go.
Did this today. Asked the ringleader if she found what i just said in the office meeting to be funny. She paused.....then said i wasnt listening. I simply said "ok". She was pissed. Nose flairing and shaking with rage. Simple yet classy shut down.
I work in finance and I’m 5’10”/built like a Victoria secret model. I’ve been bullied at most of my jobs , my secret is being overly nice so they can see me more for my personality than, my looks.
@@sherrywilkins7506 don't struggle anymore sis realise the truth you are fine and there is nothing wrong with that. Other people just have to grow up. And really beautiful women do not compete compared or envy. We celebrate our sisters beauty
I've been working with this girl who's about my age but hates me for whatever reason. She has a big, loud, sometimes obnoxious personality and does her job well. She excludes me if certain people are around and will not speak to or acknowledge me unless I speak to/acknowledge her. It's extremely stressful working with her and my male boss just tells me not to let it bother me, and chooses not to address it. Her behavior of excluding me makes me feel AWFUL. I'm fairly quiet but I do my job well. It definitely seems like she's jealous or threatened by me even though I'm a super nice person.
You know I am thinking women that don’t get any Loving from their husbands Come to work and take out Their anger on one of the Quiet, sweet girl/woman at Work. Other women with same problem at home attack The same victim( called mobbing). The bullies are too Stupid to discuss their problem so they attack Someone else. You know How a criminal on the street Is angry and has to lash out Or pick a victim. There should Be laws protecting workers From these criminal women. Also classes in character Development should be required by company before Entering workplace and evaluations given on performance in compassion, And team effort. Nursing Profession is in dire need of This.
^^ u should always stand up for yourself for the sake of valuing yourself, but It really doesn’t help. You’re not going to gain their respect like u hear people say. That’s a crock and certainly wasn’t my experience. Well, u sound like you’ve never experienced this cruel isolation. You’re lucky. It’s a very shitty deal and it sucks quite bad. Now, I don’t agree with attaching it to a crime or anything, but I appreciate the posters sentiment and I understand what she means :)
Love this topic! I personally experienced dealing with adult mean girls and it was such a shocking and eye-opening experience for me. Never again tho! Now I know the warning signs red flags 🚩 all of that! I keep those kind of ppl far far away from me. I’m all about uplifting and encouraging and empowering women! 💪🏾 ❤️
@@dudette2c easy. Kill em w/ kindness. So much where you cant even tell who's being fake anymore (including yourself...) or if you actually got to a point where you could actually tolerate each other. I'm kidding, partly. Females are crazy... We come together more when talking sh or venting our frustrations out about each other. Or when we start talking sh about males. But I'm sure it's the same for the other gender. So, not so crazy.
If someone's nasty, I see it as insensitive to distance myself emotionally. Who wants to have friends who are OK with treating others that way. It is a blessing yall!
So many women walking around transparently evil & oozing insecurity, its sad. Even sadder to know they are only going to have kids of their own and CONTIN UE the same cycle- I believe the change needs to start with education system, we can't teach empathy & common sense to people who checked out long time ago
My job is the type ppl r vicarious creepy about. But it's so high pressure not many even have the balls to do it. It's clicky, nerve-wracking, high anxiety, grey, & all kinds of other weirds. & I don't even live in a population of heavy traffic flow going through or anything. So high-key, I think im good. Plus, my mgr is old. She "known" me forever... & Still sees me as a "kid." But as annoyed as she gets w/ me, she'd prob rather deal w/ me than new ppl all the time. The look I see her give ppl sometimes during "interviews"... 🤭. Some ppl really, look the part. & Seem like they'd do well. But they start asking questions & her face is just: 😑, b, y t f r u so stupid for
@Double Scratch Perch Thank you! Yea there is something going on at work where 1 of the people in charge on my shift has accused me of something that i didn't do just to cover what she did! But Praise God no one believes her because it isnt true! I have been there way longer than her and everyone knows its not. She doesn't know that I know but it is very uncomfortable and seems like she's trying to get some info out of me and acts like my friend when I know darn well her motives or she just feels terrible about it. My boss said not to worry about it that if she continues im going to have to tell her to back off and if she doesn't like it then we can take it further. I dont want anyone to lose there job but I also have mouths to feed and being accused of something I didnt do it is so exhausting! But Praise the Lord gives me strentgh and self control on how to handle the situation! Much needed prayers thank you again!🙏🙏🙏
@Double Scratch Perch Oh Praise the Lord! Because what happened last night was great! Well I'll make it short and all Glory to God!!! She comes up while I'm minding my business and working and starts saying you know I have worked alot of places and i have never been accused of something I didnt do so much til I came here. And this is coming from the person who supposedly accused me of something I didnt do and I looked at her and said yea I know what you mean but before I could finish she cut me off and I controlled my frustration well and said hey do you have a min I need to talk to you. So we went outside and respectfully asked her if it were true. She flat out denied it. I told her in tired of coming to work feeling this way and if you didn't I dont want to have certain feelings toward you that are wrong you know? Well something happened in another department w her and she ended up quitting. Idk what it was but I thought at least someone would ask me questions about it you know? But they didn't. My boss hasn't even called me about it. I have to say I feel like a load was takin off my back when she left!🙏 I pray for her and also I forgive her. And I hope she finds in her heart to forgive everyone as well! Oh thank you for your prayers!🙏🙏🙏 Have a blessed day God is so good!
I WISH the "mean girl" (a family member I'm literally forced to be around) in my life would exclude me! Would make my life soooo much easier! But instead she controls, manipulates, flat out lies, takes advantage, and gas lights. And I'M the "mean girl" if I call her out on it or avoid her 🤦🤦🤦
Wow I’m dealing with the same! This person is a family member and she makes fun of all sorts of women whenever I see her. we might be in the car and drive by a girl jogging and she’ll feel the need to comment on her body and how she shouldn’t be wearing leggings! And when someone in the family has a new girlfriend, she’ll immediately comment on her looks, not to mention makes fun of people’s teeth all the time which makes me feel awful because I obviously don’t have straight teeth. It’s so unfair because just like skin color we can’t choose how our teeth grow in and it costs thousands to fix. She invites me to everything including “girl trips” which I often feel obligated to attend. It sucks. she’s a negative Nancy with obvious self esteem issues and I feel so drained and exhausted after seeing her 😣 it sucks and I’m already thinking of an excuse to get out of her next “girls trip” 😒 the worst part is thinking of all the mean things she must say about me behind my back. 😞
It is also unresolved bitterness and anger. Projection. It is irresponsible to place your unresolved issues on others. Displacement. It is also extremely immature.
Your examination about HOW women hurt other women was really interesting and informative. Social exclusion, especially when compounded with having the problem in a male-dominated industry, can easily make professional women feel alone when this happens at work. And just as easily with the mom crowd, at the gym... anywhere.
@@lindagithaiga1974 Not surprising, there's cliqueishness and drama in every environment where people build close relations with one another. But in church you have the aggrevating factors of a clear pecking order, of "dos and do-nots", and of perceived holiness. Not only that, people in church *crave* acceptance and belonging. It offers the perfect environment for holier-than-thou types to talk about other peoples' problems and act like they're better than others ("Did you see what she was wearing?! Lawd bless her heart, she ain't even know who her daddy is" "Did you know that Earl and Mae are shacking up now?! Holiness is STILL right!"). Honestly, if Jesus were to come back today, He'd probably take a look at 75% of the churches today and go running straight back to Heaven, figuring that mankind is a lost cause if this is what the "saved" act like. And yeah, I am sitting here judging the everliving hell out of people like this, but then again you won't see me trying to corrupt the sanctity of a place of worship with my fallen ass nature. God's already mad at me, I don't think He wants me showing up on the doorstep of His house asking about second chances, lmmfao.
@@chilliecheesecake yeah the self righteous are the absolute worst and surprisingly have alot of dirt under the rug, they're just so good at acting like the dirt ain't even there 😂
Have any curly headed ladies ever experienced hair envy? “Omg one girl said your hair looks like a wig” it’s my natural Italian, cicilian curls and I get a lot of compliments thank you. I’ve had women say you need to straighten it it’s wild.
Yea. I agree. Sometimes you just lack self-awareness that you may do something bad to people but in your perspective is not a big deal. This kind of people should know how to react to someone's feelings in good ways. I think people who build their confidence by targeting others are the real mean girls
I am related to a grown up MEAN GIRL who excludes me from everything. My brother has turned against me and we were once close. I don't understand why she does this, but she hated my Mother as well. I am no longer invited to Thanksgiving, Christmas or anything because she controls where people go for the family celebrations. She is a bully and everyone seems to be afraid of her. I don't understand how she has managed to get most of my family members to stop speaking with me. I'm not a very confrontational person, so I've tried to sort of ignore what happens.
Regina Semenenko she is jealous of you. Everything you are reminds her of how much SHE HATES HERSELF for not having the attractive traits that you have,. she sees you as a threat to her esteem so her mean girl tactic is to punish You for it. What is sadder is the FAMILY does not know LOVE, otherwise they would stand up for you and reject her hateful bad behavior. Hate is ungodly behavior. Families should practice and TEACH LOVE and PEACE. LOVE is God, GOD is love.
I have read through the comments and you have touched a nerve with this topic. I had to end a long friendship due to the 'mean adult' phenomenon. It is real and it is important to know how to deal with it.
This is a very good video, I think you two really hit the nail on the head with this one especially when I have experienced the same treatment as an adult, and yes, I do believe that the Mean Girl gene stems from insecurities and not feeling good enough, I'm so glad that you put that out there!!!!! I look foward to seeing more of your videos!!!! Thank you!!!
Yeah, growing up outside of America, bullying is something I only really saw in American movies. My friends and I were always so grateful we weren’t born in the US because it seemed like it was so horrible, especially Middle School.
Currently experiencing upfront bullying for the 2nd time in my life. First time was when I was young, but I managed to shut them down before it got anywhere (stayed calm, kind and confident). Now it is happening in my 30s at work and I am shook. My days are full of mind blowing moments 5 days a week. I've got a lot of Karens and Kens basically harassing and stalking me even. They are going through my desk and bag when I go for my break and spreading false malicious rumours about me. I appear to have gained an unknown 'twin' even since I started working in this place and sometimes it is just amusing. Even the HR team is involved and I am lost for words. I will continue observing and see how far they take this foolishness. I wonder what they do with themselves when I am on annual leave. :O
- 1 focus on character - 2 be friendly but distant - 3 looking for sisterhood I’ll support all tips except for the 3rd one because they manage to be the biggest narcissist/manipulators & love playing mind games for their own selfish benefit
Had one female bully during childhood and I was one who never wanted to fight another until I had been physically and verbally aggressed against by a female relative.
1 understand that they are insecure and lack self-esteem so ignore them when possible 2 deal with the attack directly say does that make you feel better about yourself 3 shake head and say I hope one day you will become a better person then smile and walk off with head held high.
I know what you mean, but you can distance yourself. I am experiencing the same behavior from my older sister (40) and my mother (63). I do not trust them at all. They are covert bullies and have proven that in spades. But I know their tactics and stay away. I will NOT engage with a bully, of any age. You need to disengage. Is it unfortunate? It sure is, but until the female adult bullies change, nothing will change. You need to protect yourself.
Good segment! I don't know why you might think this doesn't happen in Europe! I'm typing this from Europe, won't say where though. I'm not scared to OCCASIONALLY be weird or eccentric and I like people and talk them up, but there's a woman at work who is juuuuuust this side of polite and she does this thing you describe, social engineering, controlling the group dynamic. And she's doing it successfully! Even though I do believe that I'm well liked on an individual basis, one to one, she is squeezing me out of group conversations, group coffees. I am googling trying to find out how to prevent her from succeeding. If I confront her, I'll look bitter and she'll be the victim. She is well-liked too. But unlike her, I think there is room for everybody to be liked.
AS Stanley - omg! I can relate. It's soo hard. The person bullying me is a manager. I dnt knw what to do. I need the job but i feel like dying whenever going to work.
That's awful. I sympathise. Everything your boss does and says and doesn't do and doesn't say is a reflection of her and she is the one who has to live with that. My mean girl looks a bit sheepish around me now, like she wishes she'd never tried to exclude me. Things got awkward and it has tarnished her crown a bit because the others if they've heard that there is tension think six of one and half a dozen of the other. It's all on HER! But if even HALF of the blame or the pettiness is attributed to her, she is pissed off. Also, another thing that gave me great comfort was when I read that people only defend what is vulnerable, ie, if she was secure in her relationships at work she wouldn't have done. I have found watching clips on youtube so helpful. There's a really helpful woman called julia kristina counselling and making an effort to check back in with myself has helped. I thiiiiink my mean girl picked up on the fact that I considered myself the better person without my saying it. So, hold your head up on the inside while keeping your head down at work! Also, another really good, really positive youtube communication guru who has helped me is Dan O'connor communication. He has really practical tips for women to make sure they command a bit more respect in the workplace. All on youtube. xx
I've been there. Unfortunately it got to the point where we argued and I was blamed. Looking back on it now I think they best option is to leave. Especially if they have seniority. Life is too short.
Insecurity, low self-esteem, power dynamics, ignorance... Dealing with it.... Focus on the character.... Social status.... Popularity rules... Find your tribe.... Be friendly... Very good for lies... And coping.. Keep your distance... Look for sisterhood...
THANK GOD that this issue is being confronted ! ' mean-girls ' are a major problem in any family or work situation , especially if a ' mean-girl ' is a mother or supervisor !
I don’t know how to deal with this problem bcz I am always the one trying to be nice to everyone, but I am the one being pushed around at work. Nothing worst than a hospital lab, where there’s favoritism and a manager who gives folk what they want. It took me years to get this job, and to find out it’s not what I thought it would be. Hate it
