4 Essential Strategies to Survive the Narcissist 

Self-awareness, self-confidence, accountability and resilience. Don’t let them gaslight you and make you doubt yourself. Hold on to your identity and what you know to be true.

I'm tired of surviving its literally making me sick

1/Setting Boundaries Being Firm. 2/ Recognize When Your Being Manpulated. 3/ Learning To Say No 4 Livng In Reality That This Person Will Never Change...

Life is too short for letting people to walk over you.

My mother made 6 remarks just from getting out of car to my front door! Now id just laugh but back then it messed me up. Thanks to you i can see cleary now.

Just turned down a brunch invitation from someone who snubbed me, then offered me a last-minute invitation. Just said I was busy with no further explanation or justification. This was a huge step forward for me as someone who is afraid of being alone after abuse by narcissistic mother and others. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

I was eating something that wasn't good when I realized that I didn't have too. I've transferred this sensation to a relationship I couldn't end so I finally did it.

"Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like being in an eternal kangaroo court" BAM! What an analogy. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your insightful comments as always. Even as I've *mostly* healed (but will never fully heal) from 6 years of abuse, I still get strength and wisdom from these videos. You really have changed so many lives.... thank you.

Does this person bring me joy? It's as simple as that. Thank you, thankyou. thank you! Love you Dr R! ❤

Letting go of someone I love was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I was told for decades to make it work and let unforgivable things go. And I did that. The abuse progressed and finally became clear. It nearly cost my life. I lost a lot. Decades. Resources. Potential. I couldn’t see the truth as it unfolded. I believed my parent was good. Looking back, I see that isn’t the case. I spent decades gaslighted in subjugated space.

In our morning meeting at work, a question was presented to the group. The team leader asked, " How should we handle someone harassing or bullying us or one of our co-workers?" One person said go to HR, but to my surprise, most said, "turn the other cheek!" And another said "maybe theyre just having a bad day, and let it go." The more I thought about this, the more frustrated i became. So many people think enabling is the nice or correct way to handle verble or physical abuse, and while they wouldn't put it this way, it is exactly what they are saying. They reverse the victim and offender roles and then perpetuate a work environment of abuse. It has become common place to enable these people in our society. The group leader didnt even say this was an incorrect response to bullying or harassment. Its not like being understanding of someone being stressed out or frustrated. They are talking about harassment and bullying!

Narcissist bingo variant. See if you can predict the words they will say to some stimulus. Bonus points for perfect word recall. It helps to dispel the illusion they are smart. I did this a few times and it became impossible for anyone too convince me they were just misunderstood.

The narcissistic sister in law in my family has hit bingo numerous times, with yelling, silent treatment, manipulations, gaslighting, lies, verbal assaults, smear campaigns, emotional abuse, etc…yet my family still pressures me to forgive and forget like nothing happened for the ‘sake of the family’. So tired of it all. Keeping my discernment and boundaries. Not going DEEP. Choosing my self, my health my well being and safety. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I find it hard not to personalize, as I don’t understand why they attacked me. But learning it’s their issues they are probably projecting, and that it’s not my fault. Remembering their behaviour is on them, not me, and emotional abuse is not ok. I am enough worthy and loved. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

1. Setting boundaries might not work. 2. If we say no they go berserk. 3. They gaslight no matter what 4. We should live from within to be happy

I left my narcissist. I had the police come with me to get my belongings. Safety first. BTW it took about 4 times. This time, I already feel physically better. I don't hate. I can do what I want. Exhale.....

This happened with my brother. His wife verbally assaulted me then lied to him about what happened. I defended myself and told him that’s not what happened, and yet he continued to gaslight invalidate and try to manipulate me also. Realized that there’s no point in defending or explaining myself, they don’t believe me nor admit the truth no matter what I say. Also realize I don’t want them in my life much after what they’ve done. It’s sad but I matter too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

I really needed this reminder today 😢💔

Thank you, doctor Usually I'm not able to concentrate on more than 20 min video In this specific case I suddenly could Thank you for the tools ABCDF, bingo, D.E.E.P., Marie Condo I have to reorganise my wardrobes and my surroundings 20 years ago I did mistake unintentionally only because none knew any better including me, and I took a wrong direction Starting over ain't easy in my 64, but it is worth it a lot for me I'm very grateful to you, doctor Ramani Thanks

I did that declattering of people from my life once and nobody was left. I'm an introvert, and I feel so much better now. I kept those people out of imagined obligations or needs that were not even my.

I always said he is right, tried never stress him..but is still not enough..😮

I yelled "Bingo" right when you said not to. I think if I experience another Malignant Narc, I'm going to. That'll be my treat.

I really needed this today! Time to clean out my house and mind!

Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani. I appreciate you very much. You truly are a treasure. You are helping me, and others enormously, to navigate through life. God bless you.

I really love the narcissist bingo idea when you can't avoid seeing them! Genius! I'll be using this - many thanks Dr Ramani!

Thank you so much Dr Ramini ❤ This video really hit home today! These techniques will definitely be something I'm going to use moving forward and away from certain people in my life. The analogy that does this person bring me joy, make me feel respected, listened to.....I was answering NO to each thing that you asked and given me strength to know my worth.❤

God Bless people like Dr Ramani

It has taken almost 2-1/2 years for me to step out of the emotional tornado I have felt since ending my narc friendship. Whew. I am finally getting over all that pain. What a journey it has been.

This woman hits the mark again. You only learn how stupid you are from dealing with narcissists and getting manipulated. Brilliant woman. These sorts of things probably need to be taught in high school now days.

Just received your book 'It's Not You' from Amazon and can't wait to read it over the weekend!

On top of being such a caring teacher, you are beautiful. Just stating a true fact! 😊

And the declutter analogy is very strong too🙌☀️ I noticed myself decluttering is many times a precursor of some happier and healthy times and choices in the rest of my life🤗 (as is having my hair cut off way shorter). Excellent post, thank you and bless you dr. Ramani 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫

Very practical video. Thank you Dr. Ramini. If it’s not healthy or give you joy, get rid of it! I lost about 90 lb. in last few years by making healthy choices, now keep going.❤ the analogy.

We give a lot of our best trying to make these relationships work. We give and we try and we lose a lot. They make life feel like a game we’ve never played. But no matter how hard we try we can only get through with strategies, like grey rocking (but we aren’t Rosie from the Jetsons- a cheerful take), and “DEEP.” Not going deep is hard. At first, I ate my words before saying, “never mind.” And they mind. I found my parent’s love for fighting and chaos deeply depleting and exhausting. We lose no matter what. We lose time - youth/potential, resources, space... By the end of it, it feels like we lose ourselves. We lose a lot when we’re constantly working around their chaos rather that living a healthy life. Narcissistic abuse steals us of very things they want but don’t have. And where do they put it? They can’t have the best of us and we can’t be our best with them. Like Dr. Ramani said, it’s essential to have somewhere, someone with whom we can be ourselves and share joyful company. A little light can go a long way, but it’s not a sustainable way to live for long. It harms us.

You and your expertise are an amazing gift to me and really help. Thank you for sharing your gift and knowledge!!

Discernment may lead you to care a whole lot less about someone - the exact people you trusted. But it's reality based. You're just recognizing it. You had been your full, authentic self but it was getting twisted. You only thought you were safe.

Great advice

Since I have been learning about this and sorting these kind of people out, my life has been getting so much better. A dog doesn't need fleas and neither do I. Thank you for all your wonderful videos!

Thanks Dr Ramani Another Good Video Another Good Day.

To not scream BINGO gonna be the hardest thing ever 🤣🤣🤣

I use don’t go DEEP all the time! Not long after I first learned about it a situation came up with my narc spouse and I was able to stop and see that before I would have done all of those things. But in that moment I was able to see the traps and let it go. Talk about empowering! It’s an almost daily practice for me and such a helpful tool. Thanks for all you do!❤

For me, it's easier to get rid of unhealthy people than declutter my room. My room is still messy, but I'm the minimalist of friendships. 😆😅😉

Excellent video on pruning your life Thanks heaps DR You r shedding so much of light to our lives My cluttering process starts

My father is a cult leader, who's made my life miserable since I've gotten out from under him. :/

i WISH i could meet you... I SO admire you. i LOVE the fact that you are SO educated! I LOVE that about you.

Thank you for sharing these survival n coping and protecting energy strategies.

Don't go DEEP Defend Explain Engage Personalize (I just happened to have to employ this today with a prying girlfriend)

This could not have been better timing.

My mother is 93 and I am her caregiver. I have got to find a way to survive this. No one else is going to take care of her.

find a sucker to take them from you and you will have the last laugh

Thank you Dr. Ramani! Your work brings me great joy and relief 💜

I googled and downloaded a couple of Narcissism Bingo cards and shared them with the team.

My entire home and mind have been cluttered for over 6 years now and your video really put in perspective how much the 2 relate thank you Dr Ramani you are truly a master of your craft

Just in time for a family visit this weekend! 😄💪Reducing narc exposure with the ABC method and Decluttering has helped me so much. But for those pesky narcs I still deal with so I can see the people I care about, 18:32 the DEEP Technique (don't Defend, Engage, Explain, or Personalize) and Narcissist Bingo are awesome! 😄Thank you!

Oh, you saved the best to last! These techniques are all gold.

This is so good! Thank you!

Those around me right now I can stay away from. The others can't. 😳🤦🏼💥

Dealing with this is exhausting! And with 3 boys to deal with is draining me out!!!

BINGO ~ I LOVE IT

Absolutely looooove the N Bingo!!! I was smiling to myself just listening to you describing how it works. It really helps reduce the hurt because we kind of anticipate certain behaviours from the N person, and we even reward ourselves for recognizing them. It's great!🎉

U very beautifull with that makeup and green blouse in the last part of the vid. 💚 And nice hair. Tanku 4 everything... ☀️

OH MY GOD I HAD THE CONCERT TICKETS THING HAPPEN TO ME DOWN TO A T. Then I dumped her as a friend and realized she had a personality disorder. It was so fun until I got close to her, then it was miserable. She claimed she got Ticketmaster to agree to refund me and stood by that false claim. Ridiculous.

Hi Dr. Ramani I believe in psychology/ philosophy and mental health treatment. The aura of narcississtic parents that presents itself to me in the house I live in prevents me to believe that these grade A relationships exist. Perhaps my gut intuition/instinct is resulting in that disbelief of these grade A's to prioritize my sanity. Perhaps it would hurt to much to know that such relationships exist while I have grade D-F parents in regards to being narcissistic, and that we live in a world that having an east asian chinese baby face (33.5 years of age) prevents society from giving one the benefit of the doubt and good faith in one's truth. I also have undiagnosed autism (high functioning high masking at times) from this relationship as a preservation mechanism. Thanks for the video, Peace, love, intuition and open-mindedness

I am currently in the throws of battle with my narcissistic step mother. It is a scary space to be in. 😞

A person who is narcissistic definitely has good qualities about them that I have shown respect and appreciation and made an effort to embrace with the intentions of establishing a healthy relationship with them. They would also agree if we're not a perfect match for each other even in a healthy relationship but we are still willing to accept each other's differences. The narcissistic side of someone will perpetuate an incompatible relationship when it benefits their own personal gain and requires looking through the lens of two different angles to weigh the value of such relationship as I believe that narcissism is a disease that no one would choose to have.

thank you SO much! this video came at a very helpful time

This is great! Love the declutter analogy. Thank you!❤

Thank you for your invaluable support and advice dr Ramani ❤ God bless you ❤

Dr Ramani, since you say not to Call Out a Narcissist, what can we say or do if the Narcissist is rude to us in front of others? Allowing them to get away with this makes me feel like I'm swallowing poison. Can we use humor or do anything to stand up for ourselves? Could you do a a video on this? Thanks! 💜

This women is a gold!! Omg, why I didn´t see all that toxic things he put on me...Thank You so much, Dr. Ramani. You save me from hell.

This was beautiful doc!! Thank you 🙏🏿🙏🏿

I love the idea of a bingo card card and I wanted to try my shot at a universal narcissism bingo card, I think it would work perfectly with most the narcs in my life: row 1 word salad/deflection/minimizing/lack of empathy/false compromise row 2 ad hominem/exagerate/sense of entitlement/sexual abuse/violence row 3 financial abuse/pyschologic and emotional abuse/free space/ tantrums and repeating statements/contradiction row 4 sudden emotion shift/projection/entrapment and slavery/discrimination/gas lighting row 5 "what is wrong with you"/"i didn't say that"/"get over it"/insults/disrespect

I happen to love Bingo, I love this fun Narcissist analogy. Liz

If I could hold up each person I know and ask if they bring me joy, I would have no one.

@DoctorRamani please cover: in USA, what laws exist against narcissistic abuse? Or, any upcoming laws? *Dear All:* do you know of such laws?

I love this Dr Ramani ❤. All of it. I am definitely going to be playing narcissist bingo, love it and I get a treat for my bravery 🥰. Thank you ☺️. For everything. P.S I have your new book ( and the others 😁), I’m loving it 🥰 😘😘

Hallelujah!!! I’m the favorite, $60,000 every week! Now I can afford anything and also support the work of God and the church.

Dr Ramani, thank you for doing this work that save us. I wanted to make a video request (that you can deny of course, because is more a suggestion), one thing that helped A LOT for me, it was to reconnect with spirituality, I was away of this, I like more spiritism but I believe that any religion or connection with universe, God, angel might help people. So I will tell how this helped me (if you don't mind). 1. I started to have what I am calling self moments, even in the presence of the person, I was lighting candles, making my pray, meditating and I even learned tarot, which helped me to put a boundary moment (A moment where I said do not interrupt me and I managed to achieve that) 2. The connection with the spirituality it started to help me by showing me about my energy and about the outside energy, and I don't know why, but praying brings you more connected to yourself, which you can help a lot when you are dealing with a toxic relationship 3. Instead of only watching videos about narcissists (Don't get me wrong this video just really help) I started to watch about spiritism and about spirituality, which was helping me to connect even more with myself So I would like to recommend, that people facing this try to see if they are open to connect with some spirituality or religion that they were even part of. But now being in this relationships make them apart of it. This connection will be very important after you realize that you are in a toxic relationship, especially If we talk for example about meditation, which believes in auto responsibility, we start to realize what we are doing (not that is wrong. Just something that we are doing) that is allowing us to keep in the cycle. With your knowledge from The videos, in meditation I was able to respond instead of reacting, look at this, I was not internalizing the pain or reacting. I was responding and doing the yellow Rock that you teach us in a more calm way. Because of this, I came here to suggest that you make a video talking about the religion/ spirituality importance when dealing in a narcissistic relationship (of course! Here I mean people that are open to not saying to force anyone to become religious, but if you were already a religious person or you had some belief, It might help to get reconnected with this) Thank you ❤

please tell me ….how will anything get done in our government- how????it’s so upsetting watching all their antics ….

But I'm so tired of being bullied and abused by my narcissistic mother. I've blocked her but she still sends mean letters/emails constantly. I am now trying to give her a small taste of her own medicine: I tell her I hope she decides to explore empathy and introspection. She won't of course. But I honestly hope that hearing this hurts her. I hope it ruins her day. I used to feel sorry for her - now I wish her karma.

Totally looove the concept of narc bingo🤗🤣it sure lightens things up when you know you have to be dealing with them. And it's a nice way to check when you're getting acquainted with new people and you're not sure or you feel I'll at ease with them. And eventhough I get that there would not be universal bingo cards, I'm sure they will sell like crazy if you'd create them and put them out there😁 Excellent cast again, dr. Ramani, thank you for your unwavering investment on lifting us all up❣ 💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫

Thank you for this information.

Great insights,Dr Ramani.And looking extra beautiful in this vid.❤

Does the hurt ever end,the longing to be loved like a mother should. Its been 2 years but its still is hard to not make a call.

My mom and half sister are getting really bad lately, plus the abuse at my job is getting unbearable. I'm afraid.

That ticket scenario would be a deal breaker for me. I have finally learned that Respect is not negotiable.

Woah. Dr. Ramani had a glow up.

Thank you all 🙂. I took a snapshot of this page to remind myself of these steps.

Starting to feel like way too many of my relationships in all aspects of life have been with narcissistic abusers. I feel so stuck, I just wish I could start over .

I found that i cant stay in touch with my toxic mother at all

I really find it hard to "throw out" people out of my life. In most situations these not so enjoyable "friendships" waste away all on its own. Like they sand up and are gone at some point. But with a person that tends to be "the person" it really is hard to do. I know, it's kind of my own desire or wish for this one special person in my life, that kind of holds me back. For very special friends it's kind of the same. The closer they have come, the harder it is for me to let someone go or even decide to actually go on my own. I am kind of a mix of the truth teller and helper child and it hurts, if things I've done are not recognized in "difficult" situations. If I stand up and tell that I've done these things to support or to make sure at some point, when it's getting a little rocky on the road, they will see it, understand and see me for who I really am. Often I got back that by doing so, telling these thoughts, I would elevate myself, make me better. But I really don't. I just don't get why a "special person" does not ever see that and literally everyone - as a partner - focuses on leaving instead of working out difficulties in detail... Nobody sat really down, till both felt good and okay. Why is that? They cannot all be narcissistic right?

I have trouble understanding narcissism because it has to do with human behavior and I'm autistic. I know when I'm being mistreated though.

Thank you💜

For when children come up to us and clap their hands and say, 'A good Saturnalia to you to-day!' do we say 'These things are not good'? Not at all, we clap with them ourselves. So, when you cannot change a man's opinion, recognize that he is a child, clap with him, and if you do not wish to do this, you have only to hold your peace. - Epictetus

Love the book 📚

BINGO 😅

Scary!

When i was in nursing school, c's werent really accepted well at all. Thats kinda where i end my grading.

Do they know they're being disrespectful? Or is it just part of them that they aren't aware of?

They're would no one left in my life. If I asked that question.😞