4 Faces of Love Bombing: How Each Narcissist Does It Differently 

Our biggest mistake wasn't loving them, it was staying too long with someone who didn't really love us back the same way.

It's the most cruelest thing. To tell someone who's kind, loving and caring, you love them. And then spend everyday slowly destroying them.

I heard in the original version of Pretty Woman, that in the end rich guy leaves her and she goes back on the streets. Audiences didn't like that so they gave it a romantic ending where they get back together in the end (And he brings her flowers as she stands on a balcony) Ironically, if they'd kept the original ending, it would have been a dark, cautionary tale that might have saved a lot of people heartache after love-bombing. Imagine if people got involved with some smooth talking, gift giving Narc and thought "ACK! This person's trying to Pretty Woman me!" and ran to the hills instead of thinking "How romantic! This will end just like Pretty Woman!"🤣

A note on communal narcissists: I work in the non profit/ social responsibility field. Many donors and people in the limelight saying “please help these poor orphans” etc. are often very abusive towards humanitarian workers behind the scenes and demand public praise threateningly. The real kind hearted, empathetic people are humble and often help from a quiet place where they make big sacrifices.

1:00 grandiose narcissists 16:14 communal narcissists 26:00 self righteous narcissists 38:20 neglectful narcissists

I experienced the grandiose love bomb, flowers, gifts, expensive nights away, spa weekends. I wasn’t totally comfortable with it, it felt off, but my friends & family urged me on telling me I deserved the great treatment. (My husband died 7 years ago). After 6 months with Mr. Narc his behaviour changed. Turned out I was his side piece & I was devastated to find out. Vulnerable people can be very easily swept up in the grandiose love bombing. I was one of them. The ‘bombing’ in itself is a massive red flag 🚩 Thank you for this great video 🙏🏻

When I was young I lived with my mom in Texas while my dad lived in Ohio. He worked for an airline and I would fly out around once a month until the age of 7/8ish he came to Texas and asked me to live with him. Everytime we'd hang out, he'd always talk bad about my mom and how great he was and how I needed to come live with him. Every time I saw my dad when it was his weekend I'd just get terrible anxiety that I didn't used to get and I didn't understand why as a kid what this discomfort was because as a naive kid all I wanted from my dad was love and acceptance. Finally around age 12, after a long time of fighting for custody, my dad got me alone after picking me up from my mom's work in his truck. He asked 'Did you tell your mom you're coming to live with me?' and I said again "No." He slapped me hard on my left knee from the driver's seat. I didnt run out of the truck like I should have. I was so scared. I told my mom the very next time I saw her I was adamant about going to live with my dad. After that it was gifts. Vacations. Mexico. Paris. London. My dad like I said worked for an airline so flight costs were practically non-existent. The perfect school. The perfect house. But as soon as I did something that my dad didn't like, he became rageful. If I forgot something because of the mental fog he put me through, again rage. It was insane. A house full of eggshells. The energy literally evaporated whenever he came home or we were alone together. Eventually I started to blame myself for everything because he would blame me first. Now I realize that emotionally damaged people always project their problems (scapegoating) onto their children or their partner or anyone who can give them supply. These people are masters of their craft, they present the perfect image, and their words are weapons. You cannot beat someone like this with words because they have mastered their speech. The only true freedom is action. Cut them out. Change your number. Get off social media because they are always looking for you. And run. Never look back. Because you know you made the right decision.

I met my husband 16 years ago we never left each other's side after we met he took me on a trip two weeks after we met. I guess that was love bombing but he did not abuse me we had three real arguments or fights the whole marriage. We got married a year-and-a-half after we met and we were together until he died two years ago. I miss him very much he was very good to me. But the situation I'm in now I'm physically mentally and emotionally sick due to the narcissistic toxic abuse. I'm trying to learn how to get myself out of it. I would give anything to have my husband back, he was my soul mate my best friend.

This isn't exclusive to romantic relationships. This can happen with friendships, other relationships, too.

My date wanted to plan a trip to cancun on our first date.he told me he loved me on our first date.he couldnt wait to introduce me to all of his family.he wanted to get matching tatoos two weeks into our relationship.i almost fell for it all until i googled some of his behavior.all these articles came up about love bombing.i was mortified.a few months into our relationship he started telling me what to wear and how to do my hair and makeup.the mask was slipping.his controlling side was coming out and red flags were popping up all over the place.he still had his ex girlfriends posts up on his facebook.i believe to try to make me jealous.it was narcissism to the core.

What I took away from this is that love bombing isn't just in a romantic sense. It hit on something I learned a long time ago. That is when I have a customer that praises a lot, like over the top, they will also be the ones that really come down hard on something simple. They seem to like extremes. These are people who give to get.

My self-righteous and neglectful ex husband looked down on every other social group, immigrants, unemployed, welfare recipients, 'fat people', French people, natives,.... Once these prejudices were revealed, I wasted a lot of time discussing history and trying to put context behind present-day situations. I could not get him to budge. It was horrible! I found that I could not love such a person anymore. If you didn't work as hard as he did, you were not worthy. I am a hard worker, but could never attain what he expected of me. Despite slaving all day, he'd find the thing I couldn't get to and point that out. A lovely meal was eaten in silence. I'd ask for validation and be told that he shouldn't have to tell me a meal was good, --it should be good. Only God could help me if I was sick and couldn't work. My ex was nowhere to be found; I was on my own. Oh, and my work should still be done. When I tried to talk to him about our marriage, he did the 'mummy' (as in Egyptian) thing to me, shutting me out completely, then acted as if I didn't exist for days. Living in the bush, away from any other human being, made this behavior overwhelming and heartbreaking. He hijacked our couples councelling too. When I left him, his focus was on getting me back, not changing a thing. Initially I was fooled by how responsible and hardworking he was. So hardworking that we never had one single vacation in our years together, although there was future faking that we would...I never got anywhere near the top of his 'to-do list'. And if we had a meal out, I felt as if I had to pay my half... It was horrible. IT WAS HORRIBLE!

I think it's important to remember that friends and co-workers can love bomb too.

SELF-RIGHTEOUS NARCISSIST: 20 year marriage (+ 17 more of aftermath post divorce) I am once more dumbstruck. I completely fit the pattern of a person attracted to an SRN, and boy, did your Love Bombing description fit what happened for me. Before we became "a thing," we were friends. Well... sorta. I was in love with him well before he was with me. (That carries a boatload of additional issues, but for another topic.) We did all the typical things friends do together, and one of our favorites was shopping. He was very happy "window shopping" while I was keen to buy. I actually hate window shopping. It only makes me want things I very disappointingly can not have. As our "a thing" began developing, while shopping, if it came up that there was something I wanted but couldn't afford, he would offer a way. At first, he would suggest that we buy it together. The first time it happened, it was an antique chair that he said we could buy together. I laughed, saying, "Who can sit in half of a chair?" At the time, we'd not yet finished college, and I was living in a dorm. He said that we could take it to his apartment for the time being. I said, "Then what?" He said, "Any time we might want to, one of us can offer to buy or sell their half." That was music to my ears. --so while my eyes were just filled with the chair, my ears were more than willing to join in. That happened with a few objects over a relatively short period of time. Then, one day, we were in a clothing store. I found this great pair of slacks. He loved them, too. I said, "--yeah, but way outside my price range." He coaxed me with, "They would look great on you. Go try them on." When I replied, "That's only going to make it harder for me to hang them back up," he said, "Oh, come on! --for me?" I relented. It's like test-driving a car. Of course, the salespeople want you to do it. Once you see yourself in it, it becomes almost impossible to part with it. --and that was the case here. After the big modeling, I sighed and said, "Let me go say goodbye," and I headed back toward the dressing room. He caught me by the hand and said, "What if I loan you the money??" I thought about it and said, "No, it would take me too long to pay you back. --and I'm so bad managing money and sometimes I forget about things... you'd be wondering when this would ever be repaid. No, it's a bad idea." He said, "I would never let that happen. You don't have to worry about that. I stay on top of my money." Truer words have never been spoken. Fast forward to our divorce... To say that leaving him forced me into financial hardship is quite an understatement, but I'd managed to get him to sign a financial agreement that my attorney said could speed up the process. It was drawn up to be HEAVILY in his favor. Even so, it was like pulling teeth. When he finally gave me the check, I was so relieved that I deposited it immediately, and went to my attorney to pay what I owed so far. The next day, I decided to reward myself with a cup of tea and a book at a local bookstore. The tea counter's check-out was on one side, and the book check-out register was on the other. After paying for the tea, I crossed to the book counter. When the clerk slid my debit card, he said that it was declined. Looking around at customers behind me, I laughed and said, "That can't be. There's more money in that account than there has ever been." --but he was right. I rushed home to try to figure things out, and the check to my attorney had bounced (that meant the money I'd paid him plus a service fee from the bank AND a fee for the tea I had) I called my father who had been trying hard to help me with my financial situation, and crying, said, "I just drank a $39 cup of tea!!" He told me to try to calm down and call the bank to find out what was going on. I did and was told that my husband had put a stop on the check the afternoon he'd given it to me. I called him and told him what had just happened, and he laughed quite hard. He said that he decided not to agree to a divorce because he loved me too much to ever willingly let me leave. I said, "If you do not make ALL of this right, and I am forced to borrow money from my father AGAIN, I swear to you that I will never speak to you again." He said, "Well, if this is our last conversation, I just want to tell you that I love you." I never spoke to him again. At final court proceedings two years later, he told the judge that he was actually quite proud of my ability to keep my word for so long. (That refers to one of the other boatloads of issues I referred to earlier.) Man, that took a long time to write; quite possibly the longest comment in history. --and I feel VERY SURE that no one will ever read it. --but I can count it as a Dr. Ramani journal entry. --and boy, did it feel good to write it. If you managed to read this whole thing, I'm guessing you might benefit from her healing program. I sure am. ❤️

First thing he gave me was $3k for my birthday (6wks after we met), a galaxy watch to make sure I didn't miss his calls, we went on trips and spent every waking moment together or on the phone. It become exhausting. I even asked him to stop with the gifts so, he started saving the things he would buy for Christmas and gave me boxes full of gifts that he'd bought over 4months... When he ended it, he was so cruel and we work together. Ugh.

Just ended things with a neglectful narcissist. I have so many things to say about it, but the biggest lamentation is… it is my own personal hell. There is absolutely no intimacy, no validation that you even exist - it could not POSSIBLY be more invalidating and it will make you feel utterly, completely worthless. While I am thankful that it illuminated some childhood trauma that I need to work on and am now processing, I think I would rather die a horrible death than go through a relationship like that again.

I have learned from difficult experience to not go faster than I am comfortable with in getting involved with a relationship. If someone pushes, or offers, a friendship/relationship the first time they meet with you, then the best thing to do is to say, "Why don't we get to know each other a bit first." The one time I allowed the other person to set the tone turned quite toxic and turned out to be a very hurtful experience. Be careful out there. Someone said something that makes a lot of sense: "If the relationship is the love of a century, don't rush because you have a century to enjoy each other's company."

I literally lived pretty woman, I wasn’t interested in the wealth but I mistakenly thought he cared to be declaring love more than for any other previous woman, taking me to luxury hotel suites, expensive gifts, holidays etc. The discard has hurt me more than anything I’ve ever known as he future faked me massively and I loved him, when he ended it it was like I didn’t know the person I was speaking to 😢 I wish I’d never met him as he’ll be absolutely fine and I’m really damaged now

The most elaborate love bombing I can think of, plucked from a plethora of crazy grandiose love bombing, was my ex suddenly leaping from our bed (treading on one of my poor dogs on the floor) - staring intently at my body, with his hand on his chin, shaking his head as if in utter disbelief at the perfect form before him😁. Then saying he HAD to do that, to take me all in. I laughed my head off every time he did it. What a buffoon.

I was raised by a self righteous mother and used my Dad and my sister the golden child as a tool through subtle manipulation and retrieving love for them to do everything she wanted including abuse me the scapegoat. Is so subtle that it took me 50 years for seeing it for what it was and decades of therapy.

The weekly bouquets of roses sent to my work were meant to one-up my colleague's receipt of a bunch of flowers. The Narc wasn't original in his ideas, but showing up another couple was his ego boost

At 7:50-This is a life lesson which I had to learn the hard way. The thing with these grandiose narcissists is is that it's not that we don't see the red flags, it's that we don't want to see them because the narc makes us feel so good in the moment. The are the classic fair weather friend. For me personally it was only after my Mother died that the mask of my older sister fell off. These folks know how to wine and dine u, they know how to be bubbly and funny and furthermore they know how to give us that superficial sense of warmth inside. But when it comes to depth of character and showing real kindness and compassion they are an empty well. For me it is so upsetting really because being a gay man aswell the older sister figure is so important and when u realise she was none of the great things u thought she was-well that's just shit really...

I had a female do all these love bombing tactics to me. She was a younger woman and I was completely taken in. She turned out to be a psychopath. She had me falsely imprisoned for a short time and cleaned out my finances, then blew town.

I wish I had found you 3 years ago. I finally ended the relationship, and it hurt deeply. I watched a couple of your videos, and your words hit like a bus at full speed. I blamed myself for stuff that just isn't me. Her suicide tactic was her go-to when she wanted to cheat. Rinse, repeat...pure evil. Now I know why she's on the terrorist watch list. Thank you for putting your talents on RU-vid!!! You just set me free.

My narc pushed me an pushed me to update my passport because he was planning on whisking me off on an Italian vacation and needed to plan dates, etc. I ran out and made sure my passport was updated and legal. Twelve years later, he never took me anywhere, except for a trip to Cape Cod that I paid for. Divorced for three years now and saving for my Italian vacation.

We had been together less than 2 months and he took me to Rome for a long weekend for my 20th birthday. he paid for part of my driver's license, we went out and he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, paid for everything for me. I was just 20 years old and didn't know what I was experiencing, now after all the years I just found out that it was love bombing, I could never put my finger on it but now it's finally clear.

When they start telling you HOW RICH THEIR MOM IS, RUN.

You just defined my husband of over 20 years. Thank you! Self righteous narcissist light.

A lot of abusers have their ‘thing’ they think fixes it. For some it’s saying sorry, others it’s gifts, in my experience it was affection.

We met when I was 19 and he was 24. He spent all of his savings to buy me the new laptop 1 month into tne relationship. He introduced me to his family on the 3rd date. Ended up married, 3 kids, 13years together. Destroyed my self worth, told me I am incapable and ugly … no affection, no attention 😢

Yes it’s been a constant annoyance to me that narc methods were always romanticized in film! Might this be due to how many narcs are running the industry ?

He pursued me, said he was in love with me after a month, gave me a expensive promise ring a couple months later, constantly talked about marrying me, visited my parents house every week while I was away, wrote me love notes and put them around the house, texted me every morning with a sweet message. Then, after an exact year together , one week he shut down, became a different person and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was never horrible to me the whole year until the end. I saw a new side to him and blocked him immediately from everything in my life.

There is also the dynamic, with the neglectful narcissist (that I have unfortunately noticed from personal experience of it in both romantic and platonic relationships) that because they have routinely set the bar SO LOW, and have whittled down your expectations of them SO much, when they do suddenly show interest, or manage to create a (seemingly) spontaneous moment with you it is often for ulterior motives and when reflected upon later is so common place of an event that it never warranted you thinking there was some possibility that they were changing for the better- you get high on this sense of optimism that you haven't had for so long it replenishes the cycle until they discard you again.

I'll take a grandiose over a covert narcissist any day of the week : the grandiose at least bought me a house and a car[ he was only motivated by social status] but the covert pretended to be disabled to get out of paying bills [ and used all his unemployed free time to cheat ]

Its so hard to find a good person for myself. I am 33 and I almost died from my last narc. I have barely dated since then. The dates I have been on have such an emphasis on narcissistic traits I believe our society is confusing being confident with bad examples of what it is to be attractive and I blame toxic traits being shown to us by social media. I just feel like there are way more narcs than ever before. :....(

I am attempting to break up with the grandiose love bomber / self righteous narcissist. The trips, sex, expense diners, rigidity of finances, judgment on others etc. I appreciate the help!

$100,000 check, flowers delivered personally every single Tuesday, gifts, vacations, Christmas trees delivered… All mixed with fights fights fights and cheating.

My neighbor, seen me taking out my trash and made it his business to speak to me. Now I believe in getting to know "who" your neighbors are.... but this was WAY different. He wanted to show me something on his phone like a trip and asked my opinion, then 2 words later stated that "I seem like a familiar st soul" and then boldly stated I'm meant to be his wife... all in less then an hr of speaking to me 🙄. I quickly ended the conversation and went in my house. Seemed to wait outside to speak to me, started taking my trash to the curb, offering to wash my car, brought me red roses, food, dates and it was weird to say the least... then he said he LOVES ME. I asked him how? I explained to him that you don't know me to love me and 2 months later after making my boundaries clear, he doesn't speak to me anymore lol. 😅 Access denied.

The grandiose loving stage for me was always wanting to text me, call me to the point that it didn't matter that I was at work. Spending money on me at frist then the silent treatment, and when I would try to slow things down I was the one who was wrong, I was the one who wasn't in this %100. It is so hard to put into words what was done to make me overlook the red flags but I did finally wake up and did leave and am now two years free

“Escapist Fun” hits the nail right on the head! After years of isolation taking care of a child who needed 24 hour care, I was desperate for even one real friend. Then here came the narcissist who took advantage of every aspect of me until I was dead inside. That was 5 years ago and I am still severely struggling to get me back.

One thing about neglectful narcissists is they often appear very mysterious. Which can seem very interesting and exciting at first, especially during the love bomb phase. But now looking back on the abuse, I realize that it's a deliberate tactic they use to purposefully withhold from their partner. That way they maintain the ultimate control and most of the power in the relationship by not being emotionally invested in the relationship. Therefore you put more and more effort into the relationship to make up for the neglectful narcissists lack of contribution. (I'm not sure if that made any sense, apologies in advance.)

When I met my narcissist he didn't have much money. Later on as his financial situation improved, I certainly experienced my fair share of grandiose love-bombing in the form of expensive trips gifts jewelry Etc. But nothing beat the first and most critical gesture. We met when we were both traveling for work, and we happened to be staying at the same bed and breakfast. We were there for days together and on the last day we had a beautifully quiet moment together sitting in front of a fire in the lobby, listening to the soothing Celtic music and the Deep drone of his voice while he talked business before our last dinner date together. Our next meeting was closer to where I lived... and upon his arrival to the rental, he pulled out something in a cardboard cylinder. During our month apart, he had commissioned an artist to do a charcoal drawing of him and I sitting in front of that fireplace. There was no picture to go on, so he had taken the time to describe the whole scene in detail to the artist. I was absolutely stunned and Incredibly touched. No one I had ever known with actually take the effort to do something so thoughtful. It breaks my heart to know that it was strategy... that it that it was indeed the fairytale that it seemed. And a very effective strategy it was... I immediately felt that this was somebody special whom I could trust. He had other things custom made later on such as jewelry with the eternity symbol.. his favorite way of letting me know that our love would last forever. But nothing could beat that first gesture.

Covert/self-righteous narc was the one I married. He spent effort on doing nice things for several years up front (cheap jewelry that was just good enough, going to dinner but always with a coupon). But as soon as we got married, he became verbally and emotionally abusive and an incredible penny pincher. Ridiculed me for not doing things "the right way". Verbally abusive when I spent a few cents more on something I couldn't gotten "on sale". His goal was to retire early, so he wanted us to have zero debt and live on coupons. Gave me a cash allowance for groceries for years, then finally allowed me to get a credit card. But I was never allowed to have access to our bank accounts, bills, or any other money. His rules were strict and confining. Expectations ungodly high. It got to the point where my self worth and esteem were nearly zero because he had me under his thumb. I had no say. I ran the house and raised our children all on my own, with him living there. He was also very invalidating and verbally abusive to the kids when they didn't conform. I had to shield them from physical abuse a few times. I longed for the days when he was "nice" and begged him to change and realize that I had emotional needs. He told me to make him a list of things he could do. I tried to explain that these were not just tasks to be completed, that there needed to be a heart connection. He didn't understand. It's all black and white to him, and he will reject anything that involves emotional or psychological understanding. "It's not real because I can't see or touch it." kind of attitude. Heartbreaking and awful, especially with our kids. Now I'm on the middle of a messy, nasty, awful divorce with him, praying I can get out with myself intact.

I don’t know what to say I mean everything you are telling me and your viewers it’s like a checklist for what I’m going through .thank u!!

Gonna love bomb u today Dr. Ramani.....thank u....💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🧑‍🔬

I didn’t get a valentine card - I got a single flat sheet that was turned into a valentine card nailed to the outside of the house (to tell everyone who drove by how much he loved me he told me) and he had roses for me when I got out of the car. I had never been treated to valentines prior to our relationship and he knew this. I was like holy crap someone really does love me.

I hadn't realized that the man from whom I'm separated is a neglectful narcissist since he also has traits of the covert narcissist. When you described how they can be robotic and mechanical in lovemaking, that was when I knew he's a neglectful narcissist. It used to hurt so much when I would ask him a question and he would ignore me as if I hadn't spoken. He was very cold and distant, but has a frightening temper. By the time I left him I truly felt that my life was in danger. He had screamed in my face with horrible swearing only a week before I left, on Thanksgiving day. I just couldn't live with the harsh treatment any longer. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I regretted leaving. I'm getting stronger each day watching your videos, Dr. Ramani. Thank you for you honest, but compassionate, help to those of us trying to understand what we're either living with or have escaped.

I had this for two years , in the beginning was gifts , cooking for me , romantic walks , text messages and videos with romantic songs , soon after was I couldint go out with work colleagues or friends and I had to answer the phone I had to declare love at all times ,accusations of me cheating, jealousy about everyone around me, it cost my health and has taking me a long time to find myself and I have trust issues and trauma ....my advise is to much to soon is a red flag and it could cost people life...I was lucky to get out ❤

An extravagant engagement ring 2 weeks into talking. Bouquets of flowers, unique beautiful gifts even though I kept telling him to stop sending them. Attempts to take me on vacations to Rome and other places I wanted to go, house hunting for us, etc. mixed with constant goal post moving, and daily “I’m leaving if you can’t x, y, z.” Then he would Hoover and it would begin again.

I definitely got love bombed and while mine was not a vulnerable type, it's hard to characterize him specifically as any of these types. He was somewhat grandiose but not super grandiose, derived a lot of validation from being well regarded in our social circle (writer's group), and also had dash of being self-righteous; so I guess I would call him a general non-vulnerable narcissist. Over the course of the friendship tho he said and did things that very much are narcissistic including accidentally revealing he felt like a hollow man who had to keep up appearances at all costs. I think his major validation was positioning himself like a hero trying to rescue someone else. This all happened during the COVID lockdown and I was 100% isolated and not in a bubble so I turned to my online writing group for social support and invited a cool-seeming guy to get to be friends, and I chose unwisely. A lot of the thing narcissists normally have to do, he did not. I approached him because I already knew a bunch of his hobbies and interests aligned with mine. He didn't have to isolate me or make me open to becoming dependant on him, the pandemic did that. I was very much like a frog slowly boiled in water that gets hotter a little bit at a time as my "carning new friend" inserted himself more and more into my life and I was afraid to set boundaries because I really did need some more friends in my life. It just took one bad day and he turned completely into a cold raging monster and the acquaintance of more than 7 months broke down during a horrible 2 month period punctuated by silent treatment, gaslighting, and some unhinged raging texts.

Thank you for your channel as it has been such a help trying to understand why my now ex-husband did what he did. I realized he is a habitual cheating narcissist with absolutely no empathy. Sadly our kids don’t get why he doesn’t miss them.

I grew up with neglectful narcs as parents, then wasted years in a relationship with one. Lesson learned.

Thank you so much. I’ve been watching you for almost 6 months now and been going out with a girl for 2 1/2 years. I am 69 years old and I have never experienced anything like this. You are amazing. You have pointed out so many things to me, which are so true, and also frightening. God bless you and for your wisdom

I've experienced many situations. The one that hits the top was when they know you hit rock bottom. They present themselves as a saviour to all YOUR problems. So they watch your weaknesses such as Father/Mother issues and feed off that weaknesses. They offer a vacation to go experience LIFE. Once your away from your familiar surroundings they start their confusion. For example let's say you decide to leave and trust that person can hold a job and have family and friends to help your living situation. Once your so far away and are jumping from FANCY HOTELS, TO ANOTHER you start to ask yourself logical questions like how do they have the financial means to support this lifestyle. You ask they say credit. Ok but when the jobs finally are offered they seem to only last for one or two paychecks which never fully cover the hotels, and or transportation to the job it self. They slowly work on your thinking of how are WE AS A COUPLE supposed to survive. Once they understand that, the drama starts publicly to try an make you look like a crazy person. They will take something of yours such as purse (which holds your identity) to put fear in you that YOU NEED THEM. Your alone in an unfamiliar place, with no family support and the police do not listen to domestic arguments unless someone is bleeding. So now your stranded. They will leave for about an hour then come back with a present to ask for forgiveness. Knowing you will surrender because your in the middle of nowhere. Now your up for grabs. Its a very sickening cycle. Then when time goes by like months they will find you because you have to work. It doesn't matter what you say as a HOLY person they are very persistent and try anything to diminish your faith and beliefs. To anyone who is going through this or is healing know and trust in the HOLY Spirit. It truly saved me.

LOVE BOMBED AT WORK - In the beginning my manager gave me a salary raise and would call me (I work from home) all of the time to sing my praises ... but would never put the compliments in writing. I disagreed with her opinion on something work related and now I'm the problem employee .... and she loves to document every flaw and mistake. LOL

Neglectful Narcissist love bombing I experienced: He offered to bring me food while I was at work when we first met, invited me to a weekend with a family member he needed to make a good impression with and then ignored me most of the time. Afterwards, he distanced himself from me physically and emotionally for weeks. Another thing he would do was offer to help me fix something at the house after distancing himself yet again for days or weeks. I had to initiate almost all time spent together and he would often break plans at the last minute. He would would tell me my biggest competition was his solitude and then get angry or disappointed with me because I did not run over to his place when he needed me the most (keep in mind this was done after he said he did not want any company). This whole push pull dynamic lasted a year.

The grandiose love bomb is definitely what my Dad did to my mom in the early stages of their relationship. My mom was just coming out of a terrible relationship with a lifelong conman who apparently was extremely harmful to a great many women. She was in a period of suicidal thoughts and even attempted. My dad picked her up, lovebombed her, trapped in a religious marriage, and immediately stopped being nice and expected her to act like a submissive object for him. I could go on but it is obvious to me at this point that my google searches and RU-vid comments have a much greater reach than any video I post on social media. And I don’t want to drag my Dad but I want to participate and not be defined by it or something idk. I also would like to understand my situation. Yadda yadda. My mom was very harmful to me in certain ways in my formative years, and this knowledge has sincerely helped for me to empathize with the sheer chaos and neglect that she was suffering on a day to day basis at the hands of my father who triangulated with his children and was more effective at convincing them of his victimhood status at the hands of my Mom. I love my Dad and my Mom so much. I’m glad that I got to understand them better in order to humanize them and actually handle a relationship with them. I think that for myself, I have to watch out for the harmful aspects of communal narcissism. Meaning that I do NOT want to fall into that category. Idk. Thanks again. I sincerely appreciate the lessons.

So much of our culture, in being about validation, is based on "pretend." On "image." On: "how does this look?" Whereas: reality is the best game in town. ❤️ No lie.

I had a Narc in and out of my life starting back in High School. Because we were poor high school kids, the love bombing was grandiose on a budget LOL! But this guy constantly put handwritten notes in my locker and once bought me a bag full of stuffed animals (from a thrift store) that we opened while picnicking at a park. I had a dad who was always away for business on my birthdays and begrudged giving me presents even on Christmas- so for me this was heady stuff! Love Bomb Narc would give me his school picture in a heart shaped frame and written on the back was "I will always love you! Be mine forever!" I went off to college and he said "Keep this picture with you and tell everyone I'm your man!" Which, of course I did. It kept me from meeting any other guys because I had a "boyfriend" back home. I kept his heart framed photo on my desk and all those stuffed animals on my bed and felt loved and "taken". I wrote him every day, sometimes two letters a day- But he seldom wrote back. When I came home for Christmas break... he was ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!!! Nice! Years later he came back into my life (Divorced)- all sorry and wanting another chance. He mailed me a box of stuffed animals at one point even though I was a grown woman now. Still got to me. I guess I have simple tastes. But it all went to poop again just like last time. Neglected, forgotten, living on false hopes and promises until I nearly had a breakdown before I finally broke up with him. I had a yard sale with a friend and put most of those stuffed animals on the table. A little girl wanted one of them, but her mom didn't have anymore money. I told her to take it, in fact take as many as she wanted and added "They have bad memories for me" Mom seemed to kind of "get it" I think stuffed animals often go with the territory in the love bombing phase.

I was watching the movie 'It' where Georgie comes across the clown in the drain and it dawned on me that this is what you are metaphorically dealing with when love bombed by a narcissist. Theres often an ignored red flag. The clown hints at predatory danger with a flash of yellow eyes before he quickly changes them to blue to draw Georgie in (using Georgies weakness against him) the clown is very charming and mirrors Georgies connection to blue eyes, quickly gathers data about Georgie which he uses to manipulate and (and ironic term disarm) him but there is still a sense of being disengenuous which Georgie picks up on then overrides. When Georgie laughs the clown momentarily looses power and so instills discomfort in Georgie since he feeds off creating fear/ distress in his victims. After bombing Georgie with his charm and building rapport Georgie let's his guard down and reaches into the drain and once the clown has Georgie where he wants him the clowns eyes go back to yellow and he reveals his true character (all too late for Georgie to escape harm) and attacks him. The dynamic of charm, mirroring, disarming, rapid bonding, followed by the true reveal and emotional attacks is a narcs pattern of manipulation. I can never bring myself to watch the full scene but it sums the narc up to a T.

What I noticed most is the ego being stroked, they like to make you feel good about yourself, and finding them attractive helps a lot as well, you can become dependent on them.

One thing I often chuckle at now is how the narcissists gift giving changed over time.From fur coat little diamonds to a plastic cow milk poured then forgetting.

You've just described my husband of 33 yrs, my neglectful narcissist! I've always said to him that he's aloof & his way of showing love is to shower me & kids with money; overseas trips, etc but only when it suits him. Then he'll keep reminding us of the good things he's done which takes away all the joy😮 He's incapable of showing emotions except negative ones but is in denial about this!

You're speaking up for my poor, broken heaart

I was looking at old pics of trips with my ex narc family feeling nostalgic but now I realized I was invalidated but it was ok the trips were awesome. Now I know what love bombing is…thank you for this episode.

Wow ... that was so mind bending!😮 Sooooooooooo many kinds of narcissists and boy do they like me 🥺 it all just feels like a never ending quagmire to me.

Yes, my parents did not pay tension to my brother and I are growing up as children . When you meet somebody who tells you how perfect you are and everything else and your family is told you that you’re worthless and you can’t do anything and you’ll never be anything that narcissist will tell you, you’re everything to me you’re the most talented person in the world you do this to that, you are the most amazing thing I’ve ever met Yes it’s scary again I’m so glad that I met you on this channel.

There's no such thing as something for nothing, I learned as I lived.

My MIL is a covert narcissist. The creepy, fake smiles and sweet high pitched voice she has been putting on this last month since being scolded by her son's for her behaviour is so weirdly sinister. She was un-invited from a grandchild's birthday party and she has gone into total overdrive trying to make us all forget why lol. She's like a robot, dancing around and spouting phrases and compliments and declarations of looooove .Dropping off cookies and sending beautiful long fb messages about why she loves us. We all see through it though >_>

I think my narcissistic ex husband to be has a mixed bag of the self righteous and the neglectful narcissism with the occasional grandiose gestures. Four hours after our wedding he went right into the neglectful behavior. I was stunned. He love bombed with money, flowers and doing things for me. He proposed repeatedly. He really has very repetitive behaviors.

Great video! I spotted a self-righteous narcissist on the fourth date, and without having seen your video or knowing the term, I immediately recognized him as a huge red flag and ran my life away from him. He matched every word you said. It was amusing in the end he even claimed that my healthy bond with my parents meant I wasn't interested in dating 😂

Thank you for this video. I always thought that it was my fault and vanity, I fell for the love-bombing. But you are right: it is an artful con. Mine included somebody who mirrored all my thoughts, a flight to a foreign country, an incedible week at a really fancy and luxurious hotel and whatnot. A mirage too good to be true.

My husband bought me a GRAND PIANO! I never played nor wanted one. It was after a year of me being accused of cheating (which wasn’t true). You had to climb over this monstrosity just to get into the living room. When I told him it had to go, he was highly insulted, accused me of being ungrateful, returned the piano and proceeded to spend all that money on himself. Then he made me return his Xmas presents. To this day, he reminds me of my cold heart. He is diagnosed covert passive aggressive narc. I missed all the red flags. I left him 1 yr ago. The hardest thing I ever had to do.

32:25 Self Righteous… My first boyfriend was one of these. Because of a variety of social and mental health factors, I was 25 before I had my first relationship. He was 22, and I was not comfortable with him being younger, but here’s the thing…he acted like he was 65! He wore a suit and tie and pocket watch in 2002! He didn’t drink or smoke or do drugs. (He considered it all weakness, even a glass of wine at dinner and champagne at midnight on New Years Eve!) He was a teacher (like me), and also did people’s taxes at H&R Block. He wanted marriage and 7-8 children! He went to church. He never spent a dime! (I should know; I paid for every date we ever went on!) I come from a paycheck-to-paycheck struggling family, and he swooped in to try to teach me “adulting”, although that pop culture term wasn’t a thing yet in 2002. I remember one particular time when he’d taken me to Costco and I left a bit worried about the total on my receipt, having gone a tad overboard spending on groceries. Jason sneered, “Well maybe if you got off your ass and got a second job instead of watching the Golden Girls after work you’d complain less about money. I’ve never worried about my spending.” Meanwhile, he lived with his parents! Of COURSE he had money…not to MENTION he was saving it by making me pay for everything and not getting why I was broke! He chastised me for raising my voice after he’d gaslighted me, chastised how I was raising my little puppy Sophia, how I taught my classes, criticized me for being an atheist. He was the Moral Majority in one little 22-year-old man pretending to be a 65-year-old grandpa. It was a daily exercise in feeling like crap just for being me.

Neglectful narcissist was my ex-husband. Married at 24. Divorced at 60. Happy to be away from the person, but I’ve been outbid the workforce due to financial control. Taking care of aging parents w all my free time (they live w me)- so I need to create an income flow this late in life. It’s daunting!

“You are the love of my life!” “Love, at first sight!” "I wish I met you at the very beginning!” “Let’s be exclusive, I’m falling in love with you!” It took about six months before the first, tantrum,” occurred, she called it a panic attack. I call it, a complete breakdown into psychosis. Screaming, crying, anger, directed at me in a public park surrounded by people. I had said nothing, I did nothing, to instigate this episode. I ran to my car and left as quickly as I could. I thought I would get arrested or people would assume I beat her or something equivalent. She was so dysregulated and invalidating. Four therapists later, and eight years, I gave up! Mission Impossible. The Love Bombing worked, I was hooked, but what a waste of time. The tantrum thing, was bat crazy. They never get better.

Dr. Ramani, as someone who has been baffled repeatedly by narcissists in my life I am grateful for your channel. I am a perceptive and analytical person, and I am generally good at picking up where people are coming from. However, this phenomenon has caught me unawares several times because I often fail to factor the possibility that someone has an empathy deficit, or in some cases no conscience at all. Thank you for demystifying this for me. It has been extremely helpful. What I would like to say about this video, however, is that from me it is missing something, and I think this may be because it comes from a female perspective, which obviously you can't help because you are a female, but my sense in this video is that you have in mind women who have been victimized by male narcissist. I have been victimized by what I have learned is called, in some circles, the "amorous narcissist." This is the narcissist who specifically uses sex and romance to lure her victims and create a trauma bond. It is an uncomfortable subject, but I believe most men derive their sense of self-worth and self-esteem largely by their ability to attract and please women. When a man fails to do this in his youth he often feels like a failure. Along with the weakness for women and sex that men share universally by nature, the lack of validation on that level can make a man an easy target for this kind of narcissist, who love bombs with flattery, seduction, and the promise (which is often a future fake) of sexual experience and satisfaction. The amorous narcissist makes her victims feel like the sexiest man alive, which addicts him to that validation and causes him to invest his self-esteem in her. She will use this to control him, and to get supply from him, by initially pulling it back, maybe putting him on a shelf for a while, maybe repeatedly. He ever lives to retrieve the validation she offered him at first. This can deceive the man into believing he is in love, and this obsession will make him do almost anything she wants. This also makes the value/devalue/discard process so much more painful, because it leaves the man feeling completely inadequate, undesirable and worthless. For a man who already struggles with self-esteem issues this is particularly traumatic, as he went into the situation believing he would feel better how about himself, and he comes out of it feeling much worse, trying to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and wondering what the hell went wrong? Am I really ugly? Do I suck in bed? Am I really this much of a loser? Am I completely unlovable? So many videos about narcissism seem to be coming from the point of view of a woman being manipulated by a narcissistic man. I think it is important to recognize that it happens the other way around, and it is extremely painful. I don't believe most men ever develop a vocabulary to articulate this kind of thing, because writ large society has not given men permission to have feelings, much less feelings that can be hurt. I'm here to tell you that they can be, and often are. Just something for you to think about. Perhaps you can look into and add to your repertoire the phenomenon of the female amorous narcissist, and the devastating effect and she has on men. Thank you.

This video helped me to see. The communal narcissist… I needed to see the red flags. It helps me let go of so much guilt and trauma bond. Thank you.

Professor Sam Vaknin who also has a RU-vid channel is another profoundly insightful resource to understand the deep psychology behind what love bombing is and why it works on victims. The more someone can truly understand the dynamics of narcissistic relationships the better for the victims of.

Thank you for answering back ! You have helped me get through this process. ❤

Thank you for sharing this information. Life's a journey of transformation. I appreciate your help

What a deeply insightful, enlightening and accurate video. I fell into the escapist fun camp but even more the neglectful love-bombing trying endlessly to do anything and everything to win his love and even attention. He threw crumbs my way every so often and really made a great effort when I finished it but then enticed me back in and as soon as he won me over, nothing … crickets. Also the sunk cost fallacy kept me going as I’d invested so much time, energy, money and myself, it was too difficult to let go when I absolutely should have. Brutal beautiful lessons learned. Never again

You changed my outlook on love Ramani, thank you ❤

divorce final this week after 30+ yrs. First 2 weeks asked me if I wanted his BMW. I said I had my own car, but a "not taking no for an answer" kinda grandiose start. Marriage so fast like a whirlwind. Very helpful to listen to these videos that put words on the experience of confusing fog..thankful that in the midst of it always having really good friends that believed me even though they couldn't understand it. The communal and self righteous ones are super hard to explain even to ourselves..as I read the stories, I am amazed I am as "in tact" as I am despite years of depression, hopelessness and endless crying....so horrible.

You are sooooo freaking Amazing Dr. Ramani!! Thank you for breaking it down for us like this. ❤

My sister used to send me birthday, valentines, and Christmas cards, w/out fail. And was totally abusive (gas lighting), the whole year. The cards to me, were a F in eyeroll🤦‍♀️ Puh Lesse (!)

You just said every god damn behavior on this earth, my colleagues, my teachers, my neighbors, my parents, my friends, my ex, and me 😮 now i am feeling bitter.

My situation qas with a neighbor lady/friend. She pushed unti my lide as soon as they moved into the neighborhood. Bringing dinner, calling, texting too mych evolved into cominf iver every single day. Sometimes several times a day. She antipated my perceived needs and took on perceived needs without asking. She set up a drip watering system in my front yard. She lugged her lawnmower around the block to mow my back yard. She refused to observe my boundaries and i feltsmitgered. Whenever i asked what i could do fir her, she'd say, "yiu just have to be my friend" UGH! The birthday and Christmas gifts were overwhelming. I t9ld her i don't like ti feel indebted. I tried to distance gently as i k ow she's lonely and needs a break from her husband with dementia. 6 weeks ago, i finally broke out in shingles and shut it down completely. What a relief! She thinks of herself as helpful and living, and doesn't have a clue what went wrong. (Even though i asked her over a year ago to give me a chance to miss her! Shes exhausted and resentful, but still cooking meals for 3 people in our 55+ community!

One of the best videos on this topic ever.

Thank you so much, this is thus far your most enlightening video for me! I wish I was exposed to this type of educational tool in my earlier years. It's still helpful though❤ You're such a treasure Dr Ramani, THANK YOU🙏🏾

My first week knowing my ex, he found out my truck was having issues and he paid his mechanic to fix it. He said, "Even if we don't end up together, I can not in good will know you are driving around with your kids in an unsafe vehicle when I had the means to do something about it." I fell for him almost right then. Biggest mistake I made with him was telling him all my boundaries and allowing him to slowly cross them one by one, little steps at a time until I no longer had boundaries in our relationship. They couldn't be crossed if I didn't set them so then I wouldn't have a reason to be upset by it. He also told me about a year into the relationship, when I started losing sexual interest in him completely that sex in a relationship wasn't about wanting it itself, it is about wanting to make the person you love happy. If you love a person, why would you not want to do things that make them happy even if you're not in the right mood. We do dishes all the time to make our family happy and we never WANT to do them, we just do because it's taking care of our family. Same thing with sex in a relationship. I can't remember the last time I had sex because I wanted to, without being tipsy I mean. Ugh the toxicity.

Like I said, I’ve been in this relationship for 2 1/2 years comes across as she’s a wonderful person. And cheers. But the problem you are talking about appears. When that person wants something, I will do everything in my power to try to make the person happy . And I feel like a therapist, Psychologist and have no training . Listening 24/7 to problems that are expressed to me by this person and I get nothing in return. I feel like a shell to this person. It’s long as the person is happy and I give her that happiness. It’s all okay. But if there’s something I could be small or big, it’s like she changes the subject like a switch and turns back to her It’s either that persons highway, or no highway, and it hurts !

Dr. Ramani, thank you for your time, and clear definitions through anecdotal expression. It was this type of clarity that I needed years ago. Over the years, I have been in the position of sharing your videos. You are very accessable, and that has made a difference to quite a few. 🖖🤟 Much love

Listening now...thanks Dr. Ramani❤

This is by far one of the best presentations I’ve ever seen on this subject and it covers so many of the different type of knocks that I have found myself interacting with or dealing with you can’t miss a beat thank you, Doc!!! ❤

Great video! Thanks so much! My step mother is a highly controlling self rightuous and neglectful narcissist. Recognized a lot of patterns of her in this video.

He said he loved me the first time he met me; I was 19 and he was more than 3 decades older.

I would love a video about narcissists and the COVID lockdown. I see the case a lot where they use that as an excuse to continue to isolate their families

I think self righteousness is the closest one to what I’m dealing with

The last bit about the neglectful narcissist really hit home - broke me wide open 😭 Thank you so much for your work, Dr. Ramani ❤️🙏🏼