Recap! 1. Self esteem; to improve these aspects, take action and take control of your life. 2. Self worth & self respect; to improve these aspects, practice courage, define values, set boundaries. 3. Self trust; listen to your intuition and be aware of feelings in the moment (emotionally in the moment). 4. Self love, care & acceptance; care for your body, don't compromise your integrity, beware of self-negative talk. :)
My ex (we just broke up 2days ago) did not let things flow naturally. He cut me off all my contacts and friends whether guys/girls. I told him about my past and how i said it was dirty but it was all in the past. But he said he wanted to save me so i let him control me and now I got dumped. Huh 😭
In 1983 I was brutally victimized by a narc. It took me 13 years to recover. Then I spend the next 15 years in another unhealthy relationship. Finally! I met the most perfect, wonderful person in the world....an "Altruist narc" that took me through a 7 year hell. Now I listen. Now I get it.
I've been on covert narc repeat of various shades for decades, I've spent years alone and then get duped again, WTF?!! I'm done tolerating this crap, why would I settle for so little when I deserve so much more 💗
Similar story. 3 main relationships. None healthy and loving. The last ex (altruistic narc 🤣 good description) I’m still connected to even though he married 7 months after leaving me. Why? He left me in his Spanish retirement home. 1 yr on I’m still here.
Oh gosh, I know ALL of this! But it's getting better and better. Almost 2 years out of the most toxic relationship I have ever been. CPTSD is gone, my self care got soo much better and my inner & outer strength is coming back. I was 1 year excessively sleeping, I was just so exhausted after the narc/ psychopath. It helped me tremendously.
TheOdiousMonk - after so much confusion, chaos and mental and emotional pain and stress it's causing enormous stress to the body. I think it's serious adrenal fatigue. Good to cure with lots of sleep, good food with lots of minerals and avoiding stressful activities (if possible). ASMR helped me a lot to calm down and relax or to fall asleep. (to get out of panic attacks as well). Took me about 1,5 years to get back to normal and feel good again.
Hi Karen, this happened to me also. I had 9 Narcissists. It is at the 18 month point that I am feeling more in control of my emotions. I am feeling more like me. Did you have problems with your temper after the abuse?
Yes, the shame is very very hard to deal with. Why do I keep thinking everyone knows I was abused when they look at me? I am trying as hard as I can to use courage. You know exactly what you are talking about. I had to block every single loved one. My precious sons turned out to be Narcissists like their dad, my parents & brothers. I have an aunt that's all. Each day I try so hard to make it.
Daphne, you wrote: " I had to block every single loved one. My precious sons turned out to be Narcissists like their dad, my parents & brothers." Same here... and I had to block every single person in my so-called "family," sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews... all but one uncle who has since died. My own grown son is WORSE than my passive-aggressive narcissistic controlling husband (whom I am divorcing) and my son is a raging alcoholic like so many in my family! I guess he learned "from the best." I have finally realized that it is a blessing that my son cut me off to "punish me" for imagined slights and not sending any more money... I cried myself to sleep for years until I realized just how horrible it was to be around him, and how much more peaceful it is without him in my life. He did ME a favor since I would never have been able to willingly leave him alone and protect myself. I married my husband because he was one of the few people in my life that did not drink (I don't either) but it changed nothing for my codependent, enabling ways. My husband destroyed me every single day using Chinese Water Torture, bit by bit and piece by piece, until there was practically nothing left of me. I lost all my confidence in myself, my spirit, energy, competence, fearlessness and everything and anything that brought joy in my life. All while everyone was telling me I was so "lucky to have him!" And how I needed to change. Now when people see me one year later, after having gone NO CONTACT for that entire year (despite great emotional distress over this, I managed to stick it out) they all say "What happened to you? You look so much better! What did you do differently?" And I say "filed for divorce." They can hardly believe it. And I can't either, but the PROOF is right in front of my eyes, and everyone else's. He was draining me dry like a vampire with it's willing victim. That was the most shocking realization of all. I have finally realized, at almost 70 years of age, that the only person I need to change is ME. God bless to all of us on this incredible journey, difficult though it may be, to recover faith in ourselves and the goodness that some of us have inside. Dear God in Heaven, please show me The Way. Gracias, Amen.
Learning about self care and making time for it everyday and especially when you are struggling really goes a long way to healing. I was emotionally neglected growing up and didn't learn this. Once I did and practiced it, I became self aware and began to trust my opinions and values. I began loving myself and looking at others differently. I have more confidence and appreciate my own self. I see that I have value.
My soul & heart thanks you. Worst, unexpected moment of my life. Beginning stages of healing & C-PTSD crash.. Never had myself in such a mess. Thanks for understanding and helping me literally save my life. (Narc husband of 24yrs., childhood neglect). Baby steps...
Great video Merrideth after leaving my narc mom and narc inlaws 8 months ago it made me realize how much low self esteem I had and self sabotage that I was doing to myself today I go to gym which I love to do 6 months no alcohol I still gotta lot of work to do thank you so much for your help and I'm sending you a big hug 😊
I want to thank you SO much. You have helped me during this last year, my last year of medical school, when my whole world came crashing down after years and years of ptsd and dealing with toxic, abusive narcissistic family. I've experienced childhood sexual abuse, heard repeatedly over the years how I am worthless, and various ways in which my mother would tell me how she wished i, along with my sisters, would die. I have constant horrific nightmares and flashbacks and had the typical past relationship history of dating abusive partners. Realising all this whilst trying to finish medical school had nearly driven me over the edge on so many occasions, my only safety and respite was in watching yours and others' videos here on youtube. A few days ago, I reached yet another point of so nearly giving up due to the stress and final few projects due in on these last 4 days.....i watched your video and pumped myself up to go to the library and completed a huge chunk of work. Im not finished yet but I again, feel hopeful and there's not as much to do today as there was before. Because of you, there'll be one more graduate in my class this year and (hopefully) one more empathetic doctor who knows what it is like to have grown through hell and back. Thank you so, so much for all your work.
I believe one of the most important things to do is write in a journal. Write your feelings down. Write what you are thinking. Write about the justice you want them to receive. Even though you won't see it. This helps with vengeful thoughts. You can get an app online and put it on your phone and write when and wherever you are so you don't forget. Can be helpful to go back and read but you are getting out of your head to a degree. Sometimes you go back and look at older entries and you see how far you have come. Good luck. I know it hurts and sucks. Yes I have gone through it am currently going through it for the second time with same person. It sucks but I did not heal properly the first time
The part is particularly brilliant about what self-trust is. I never had anyone talk to me like this before. I can make very good use of this information, Meredith. It feels like you are bringing me closer to myself and it is kind of a cozy feeling. Sending love to you, sweet lady.
Many of us were isolated & are being messed with financially by our Narc husband spouse etc.. I think you need & should get a good therapist too- instead of trying to recover on your own or do it alone -from Narcissistic abuse. The trauma we experienced is huge! Not something to be taken lightly hard to get over. Need Therapy because we experienced such trauma may have ptsd & built up anger at our abusersetc..
I was a big time people pleaser. Not anymore! The biggest thing I've learned is: You teach people how to treat you!! Don't get angry and let it slide, don't get hurt and let it slide. SPEAK UP FOR YOUR SELF! Boundaries are not being selfish.....my narc mom wanted me to think they were.
Thank you, Meredith. This was like a cheerleading season for me. I am stepping out to do something artistically, this week, that is very important to me. I am feeling paralyzed in fear and anxiety. I'm doubting so much and feeling so awful, but I know I need to do this, even if I fail. I need to at least take the step. I'm working on trusting myself again.
Human again, it does not matter if you "fail." In fact, there is no such thing as failure. It is all practice for when we make "perfect," or close to it, or good enough!
Value compromising , I resonate with this. Lack of self worth , staying in connection with toxic person even though it doesn't feel good to me. I hide away, did not know it was shame based. Love these action steps, practical steps takes courage. TY for these practical steps to recovery 👍 Self trust , that's a big one. Self doubt, second guessing and indecision is too common, I'm so stuck in self disconnection.Listen to my intuition , ironic since ignoring it is how I got into this mess 😐 people pleasing, sacrificing myself yup, abandon myself , compromising myself when it's a big deal. Omg, name calling is another big one, self love is the antdote? Self acceptance is another big one. TY ❤
Hey Meredith! This is the first time I've written you but I've been watching your videos for months now and I thank you from the top and bottom of my heart! You and James from begood 4000 and Sun Lion and the first to shatter the illusion George Simon. Oh, Meredith you don't know what a blessing you are to me. I woke up! 2/7/2018 After Fifty Years of covert narcissistic abuse. My two older sisters(7yrs. covert & 10 yrs.overt) beat me down and set me up for a life and marriage of nonstop covert abuse. What a nightmare of a lifetime of lies, deception, hidden agendas I've been through. They even committed matricide, yes matricide, (covertly) to hurt me because my mother and I were so close and that we were happy together, finally (If it weren't for her I would have been dead long ago.) They just could not stand to see me happy and handling things after my wife's death.( I mourned my wife's death bitterly for nine years and now I realize she was a covert narc as well, all those years and tears wasted! Perhaps not wasted.) But besides that I just wanted to tell you about an old movie I saw on RU-vid recently produced and directed by Fritz Lang called "Secret Beyond the Door." before we had the term covert narcissist he made a film about it! And it has some twists. Check it out if you get a chance. I love you, Meredith and you know it is a true love because I would have never been a victim if I didn't have it in me.You are always in my prayers, my dear. And now I am sending YOU A BIG HUG!!!! Bill
I listen to you every time I question my decision to leave. You have keep me strong, l have left and went back a thousand times so he thinks I will be back and never has any emotions about loosing me and I realize because of you that it seems from my childhood rejection. It is very painful but being with him is more painful. So thank you so much for all your videos you literally are saving lives!!!
Thank you for all the wonderful information you supply us with. I am hanging on by a thread after 20+ years of narcissistic abuse. I am now divorcing my narc and it feels like I have been in hibernation for all of this time. I am going to start the Fundamentals of SANA program now. Thank you. Also, wishing your father strength and light.
Thirty days no contact, and I'm already beginning to feel a sense of belonging in the world. The recovery process is generating a kind of warmth in my spirit that I've never experienced before. I'm excited to see this through. 🤍
Feel like crying.... happened to me several times and today I was just asking myself why after so long and now being in a truly beautiful relationship I just seem to can’t be myself again. Getting up, setting boundaries and the internal shame, hasn’t fade away yet and sometimes I just feel like crying for no apparent reason. Thank you so much for your videos
Thank you Meredith. You being so much goodness to other people. I’m so grateful for all of the materials you offer here and on your site. I wish you safe travels and the best for you and your Father.
Thank you for everything you do, Meredith. Your RU-vid videos are such a positive influence in my life. I hope your trip to the US goes smoothly. Sorry to hear about your dad not doing well, you and yours are in my thoughts this week.
Another great video Meredith, this is all so important and just what I needed hear and be more focused on. Hope all goes well on your trip. Thank you 🧡
Meredith's segment on Boundaries in her SANA course was the best, clearest, most helpful education on that topic that I have gotten anywhere. It's all very good, but that segment on boundaries was life-changing for me.
I already had very little self confidence, self belief, self trust etc before getting involved with a certain man. Now after a brutal 4 years of subjecting myself to a life I should never have subjected myself to, I have to try and regroup, rebuild. The whole experience might not have had such an impact on me if it was just my ex partner inflicting the torment but after he turned work colleagues, my children and anyone else in our small town who would listen to his "honest lies" against me. Then there's their nastiness. It really does have a devastating impact, doesn't it. I have a long long long long long long AAAND a long way to go. I can no longer try to save anyone else because I almost drowned doing that. My focus has to be on me and fixing my faults so I don't get myself in that sort of predicament again. ( fingers crossed :). At times I thank the people and the lessons they bring to my life, but at times I don't, I guess that's normal in a weird world. This video helped me feel a bit better today and gave me a glimmer of hope where all hope sometimes gets lost in the darkness. So, I Thank you so much for this
I kinda stumbled on this on asking a question here, and I feel this was presented to me for a reason. I've been out for 10 months now after an 11 yr marriage. I am 30. I went threw lows and highs and now I feel very low. I got my first place finally..it was a gift reallt from those who have tried to help me yet I cannot even unpack my things..i feel at a loss. I have all the control but i don't know what to do with it. I don't even remember what I LIKE cuz he controlled everything..I hermit when I'm not working and I drink late at night almost every night...no, every night like clockwork. I see that it's destructive..yet I cannot shake the idea of being uncomfortable. I've been given so much by such kind people. It took me over 4 months yo even embrace their offers..it felt so foreign to me and I can hear him in my head explaining how people only help to get something from you. I understand that's not so but I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin..I feel so fucking lost when I know I come off very social, happy, ppsitive, and care free to those that know me..and I am at my core..I know that. It's literally the only thing I value about myself but outside of my job(server,bartender) it disappears and I'm unable to function..I need help know..the last therapist was uninformed of this cluster b disorder..after a time i knew i had to let her go because she was lacking the knowledge on this precise thing. Now finding anyone that has experience or expertise on this disorder is hard..online i find the most..sorry for the rant..just hearing you ignited something..it was validating in a way..
I definitely need and want to check out your free video course you talk about here, Meredith and looking forward to that! I hope your trip to see your dad goes as smoothly as possible for you. Thank you for the wonderful work that you do! ❤️
Oh My Gosh! You just mentioned how people who have struggled with emotional abuse from a narcissist, how they do not feel like doing anything. How they don’t want to take care of themselves such as taking a shower or brushing their teeth or washing that pile of dishes. I have thought all this time that I was just a pile of s*** and lazy. Wondered WHY I could not make myself do things. Things that needed to be done. I would go over and over in my head that I was worthless. I figured I was depressed. I am sure that is part of it. I am sooooo happy to hear that I may not be crazy. Lol. Really though, this video and others of yours have been really eye opening. Thank you.
Thankyou so much for your helpful videos! This one is perfectly timed for me. Prayers and hugs for you and your Dad to strengthen you both through these challenging circumstances! Bless you!
Thank you so much for your message, Meredith! It’s incredible how much of a hit our self esteem and personal worth take after being subjected to emotionally abusive people. Im a month in from a crazy and cruel divorce and can intimately relate to each of your four pillars. I realize that I need to take a clearly defined, systematic approach towards healing so I can get un-stuck and move forward. I’m going to get your programs and put them into action. You’ve got a ton of wisdom! Best wishes to you and your father.
I‘m living in Germany I can‘t write in English very well. I‘ve learned only school-English,but I‘ve understood all your amazing Videos. I want to thank you from the button of my heart,because you help me day by day to realise what is happening to me in 30 years of marriage. Although I‘m in Therapy I‘m not feeling that I‘ve found a therapist who understands my life in the real way it was and still is. I have children with him and I‘m still suffering about everything what happens. I‘ve understood ,but the pain destroy my heart.
I found myself here. I can’t believe I allowed myself to accept this push/ pull behavior. I can’t believe we had a relationship that feels like it was all a dream. We loved each other. It did matter. But he couldn’t love me back the way I deserved.
Thank You for the positive feedback for recovery after Narcissists Abuse. Thank You for putting help out there for those who have suffered abuse by a Narcissists.
Once again , thank you Meredith. The info you provide is invaluable & you are so genuine. It’s so comforting to have you as well as all the people who comment on their own situations. It makes you feel a little more empowered and not so lonely.
love you woman. lost trust into myself after all that stuff ive had to go throught ,contatly puting myself down not believing enough, i see that when i meet with friends, i dont get to live life, i dont feel enough because i hurry and push myself too much, i just strive for final destination instead of focusing on the whole path of now, taking moment by moment not being into my head too much, self down talk, damn its hard to get out of that and self care more for yourself while still living with narcisists. self acceptance it will only come when i will move to my own, if ever.. Thank you! i have so much more healing to do..
Hi Meredith. I recently discovered your channel and it's been incredibly helpful. My father, who was a narcissist, passed away two years ago. I've struggled with his narcissism -- and my low energy levels and low self-esteem -- for all my life. I still struggle with it at times, but since I decided to do the work and make the necessary changes to recover from the abuse, I've had lots of helping hands come into my life to support my recovery. And now I have your good work to help and support me too. Thank you for doing the work and sharing it with everyone. All the best to you...
from my heart thank you Meredith, I've been so helped by you sharing your knowledge honestly like you do. I was lost, in shock, not knowing how to cope, 2 years free, now a new person still working hard on changing myself. much love and all the best to you and your father.
OMG! Why is this so spot on!? Ahhh it freaks me out!!!!! Are all humans this predictable? I feel all these things. I’m slowly coming out of it, I went no contact 7 months ago but it’s still a struggle! I’ve neglected my self care big time and have pity parties weekly and spend days in bed. Ugh. I can’t wait for this to be over. It’s getting better for sure. It’s crazy that these things only come to light after just seeing a video like this. I wasn’t sure what was going on with me and now I know. Sheesh. Humans are so complicated
Just taking time to write a message if appreciation. Your videos are helping so many people. Although I've been narc free for a while I feel like I still suffer from the aftermath. Thanks for these tips through a long and hard journey of recovery.
Meredith, You have no IDEA just how much you have helped save my MIND .. I am still in the place of not accepting fully everything that has happened to me in Childhood and Marriage which i had to recently end, however watching and listening to your words of insight have deeply deeply reached me to core level of self. LIGHT BULB moments switch on every now and again in my mind. I am really struggling with doubting myself and feeling like its all me and i should go back, but when i listen to all you say, I know you are 100% right as i completely identify with things you shed light on and experiences you and others have been through. I am completely isolated as i have withdrawn in life due to feeling a failure and poor self image but what i have realised..... this is what i have been constantly told i am by most of the main supposed care givers in my life narrative. I am 49 years old and for the first time in life, i finally feel i have the answers as to why i feel like i have throughout all my life.. I am still a child of 5 years old in a 49 year old body..seeking the validation needed in childhood that i needed encouragement to show that i am loved and Enough in life simply being ME ! I don't need to always please people to feel validated if they demand my help... I am in the very early stage of seeing all these patterns that have unfolded in my life and right now i cant say i will ever come through it all, but for now i will go one day at a time and hope by learning and looking inward to my core self, one-day i will get a breakthrough and go on to have a happy positive and Genuine love filled life... Thank You for the Videos and work you do..
Thank you so much for sharing this again today. I am healing. I am doing really well, I'm surprising myself, yet I have a lot of uncertainties and that is a source of fear. I definitely have to build self trust. But everyday, I am trying to be kind to myself for anything and everything, and it helps me be more at ease than before.
Thank you for these videos on abuse, recognizing the read flags, and recovery. I cannot stand the fact that these Sociopaths even exist and that they are breathing oxygen. I sincerely wish for Narcissists and Sociopaths to suffer in the worst way possible.
Meredith, I bought your book a couple of months ago and finally started reading it this week. The content and writing style are superb. Thank you. I'm looking forward to finishing it.
Well you got me! Right between the eyes! As sad as it is, it really is! Not sure that one could easily find other experiences, such as these, to be even close to equal, not plausible to be far worse! No idea what this has or will cost me besides the ungodly amount financially, but the mental devastation is the real damage! No words could be spoke truer!!! All this coming from once a successful individual, both financially and socially! Got in a 5 year web of a BPD NPD my detested wicked widow who’s effective efforts, so they were, that could very well result in my unfortunate, yet complete and total demise. Listen is what I strongly suggest you do if for no reason but the knowledge, could literally save your life!
Thankyou my love. ..I was already sick of knowing all about the narcissist. ..but I now welcome what I need to know how to recover my emotions because yes there's times when I feel like really low and end crying and just want to stay in bed. ...gracias huerita preciosa. ..
Thank you for your videos! I learned so much today. Found you by accident. As I watched, it was like you knew me and were speaking to me. I had given up on myself, but now I feel like I can turn my life around and really start living. Thanks for the info and the tools!!! I will watch some of your videos over and over until it all sinks in.
Thank you Meredith and all the survivors. I had more than five narcs in my life and every subsequent animal was more sophisticated than the previous one. Important lesson that i learnt was that the associated PTSD causes muscle stiffness which further amplify depression and interfere with recovery. So my hypothesis was that any thing which could potentially reduce muscle stiffness, will help in recovery. Initially, i had full body massage daily and it helped but very little. Now i use small plastic bag filled with hot water and rub muscles in my body, especially at back of my head. It helped in reducing muscle stiffness a lot and really changed my world. I am sharing my experience here so the other survivors could benefit. Plastic bag that i used is easily available at medicine stores. Ihthazan is my nick name and i am from Pakistan.
10:40 when you said the opposite of self love is self-abandonment, or people pleasing. Yes, 100%. I went to insane lengths to please my ex, and it didn’t matter at all. And every time I chose to try to meet her needs over mine, I was eroding my sense of self. No wonder the red flags were so glaringly obvious in the beginning, and then near the end I was ignoring everything I was feeling
Thnku i know thanking u for thts is a small thing .. but m now start my healing processes again and break that narcissistic cycle...i m now trying to awaring the other one's about narcissistic personality disorder and ther abuses..and i feel like in this way i also helping my self to get over it and knowing my worthy all over again ..i feel like i was born yesaterday again and the whole world is so beautiful and i m in my sense to feel its beauty this time 😊so thank u for that
My shame at allowing the Narc. to cross boundaries that I'd never have thought I'd allow has caused me to be stuck in my own unforgivness. Self-loathing.
I call myself 'stupid' when things go wrong or when I mess up. My momma used that word to berate me. I can't help it. It's so hard to control it. It's instantaneous. Happens immediately.
I acknowledge all said in this video. Self sabotage unconsciously is I don’t feel to eat. I eat and feel no taste or enjoy it, I just eat late just because my body needs fuel. Also hygiene I recognize, being indecisive I also acknowledge being unable to take one decision, also pretending emotions in order to don’t lose connections not speaking up .. I recognize almost all said in this video. I find it very hard to get up again... I feel very tired, like would like to lay in bed hole day is very hard to feel this way especially that self talk :-(
My narc ex and I broke up over 2 months ago. The relationship is most definitely over, thankfully. Lately I’ve been setting goals and reaching them and feeling wonderful. I knew in the beginning I’d have my good days and bad days but today has been really bad...like nonstop crying and can’t get out of bed. I didn’t realize a smal trigger could cause so much anxiety and sadness. I don’t do so good with extreme highs and lows, it seems to suck all the energy out of me. I want this pain to end. To anyone else out there dealing with this...just know you’re not alone.
Thank you so much much, this is really helpful. I've been searching for ways to heal and coming across your site it is a blessing for me. I have subscribed and I will be following through with the courses. I'm starting to be positive again. Hope your dad gets well.
8:50 about self-trust.... my birthday was on friday and the my ex narc is flying in this weekend s my friend invited me to go hike and camp with her saturday-sunday! I was all for it! Until she said she had other friends i dont know coming with. Then it hit me "she doesnt value our connection enough to only invite me" Good to notice..i guess. So i told her i would hike but NOT camp. Then an hour before they went out i said "hey cant make it!" And had to forgive myself for feeling like a "flake"!!! But then today!!! I am so beyond abundant with food in my kitchen!!! And all i could muster up to make was eggs :( feeling very empty. Very sad. Thank you for identifying it as self trust... Because thats what it comes down to. Youre right.
Thanks so much for your amazing advice delivered so clearly and in a way that is very easy to understand. You are like the best friend that everyone who has gone through narc abuse needs. So valuable xx
I abused myself for years with food and other ways. I would he so awful to others sue to extreme self loathing. It's amazing how I look back at all the self destructive behaviours and feel sad
ohhh just started sobbing when you said about what can you do during self esteem ...maybe you have huge pile of dishes or not taking a shower...oy! Feels like such a momentous step to just pick up the toothbrush
