Millennial Women May Never Recover From The Romcom 

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To be fair, Legally Blonde showed a romantic partner in both movie 1 and 2 who was truly supportive of his partner and saw her success as important to her and worth investing how she needed rather than how he thought she needed. He really is a winner and his love for her isn't the focus of her life, just a part of it. That is probably the least problematic romcom/chick flick romance ever.

One of the best things in My Big Fat Greek Wedding is that Toula worked in the service industry and lived at home, and Ian was a high school teacher and (from what we saw of his apartment) lived in a space that was comparable to his income. It was much much much more relatable

As a millennial straight guy who always enjoyed the rom-com genre (because it's fun!), I'd say it also had pernicious effects on men's understandings of what might make them interesting to or meaningfully desired by women. As the male love interests are (as Chelsea pointed out), often portrayed as devoid of any interesting, notable or admirable personality traits (beyond rich or hot), the stories furthered the cultural notion that no other aspects of a man's personality or aspiration are worth cultivating or valued romantically. "Who cares if you're kind of a jerk, as long as you're rich enough and psychotically devoted to the right girl?"

The "doesn't know she's beautiful" thing is such a pet peeve of mine. I think what they mean is "she doesn't use her beauty as a source of power, because that's alienating to men and many women." Women get such constant feedback and importance placed on our appearance... In reality, the women I've known who truly didn't "know they're beautiful" had severe issues with their self-perception/self-worth that caused them real suffering (and wasn't good for their relationships either).

This is why I love “Confessions of a Shopaholic” not only do they address the fact that she’s consuming way more than she can afford, her growth in the story is about learning to let go of a lot of those material items in order to become responsible with her money again💚

Gotta be honest, as a millennial whose bread and butter was rom coms, I still seek out those types of movies and shows on all of our streaming platforms. They're like a warm, familiar hug in this chaotic world. I do the same thing with books all the time. Sometimes I need a predictable plot line, no real surprises, in order to feel safe and secure in the unpredictability of everything else.

I was just talking about this. Waiting for love to run into me… I didn’t realize that romcoms had such a profound effect on me.

I’m surprised you didn’t mention that some of these formative deception rom coms, like 10 Things and She’s All That were based on Shakespeare and classic lit. These tropes have been going on a lot longer than just the 90s through 2000s.

How I Met Your Mother has a great episode about how all big romantic gestures are actually creepy if they don’t get together in the end.

Small thing about Bridget Jones's Diary - it focuses on her weight so much on purpose, because the book is formatted like (duh) her diary and it's mostly her self-hatred (plus the insane diet culture of the time) seeping through. She's supposed to be a perfectly average size yet think she's simply not thin enough. And you're supposed to notice it, because she stops even mentioning her body and her weight when she's with Mark, whereas with Daniel, she's super self conscious about it. The "I like you, just as you are" scene has GOT to be one of the dreamiest, most unrealistically romantic moments of any rom-com ever. Lol.

I'm really glad to have learned the term "pick-me girl," because it perfectly describes my entire dating persona during my 20s. It was a bombshell moment when I realized that many of the things I thought I liked were actually just interests picked up from the men I had been trying to date. Suddenly, it was no longer a mystery why none of these relationships had worked out - I wasn't bringing my true self to the table, because "getting the man" at all costs was the goal. Now in my 30s, I'm happily single and rocking on with my weird self. It's bliss ❤

I haven't dated in 3 year's now and I've been in therapy for 2. I can say what I've really come to understand is that I had no real interest or hobbies. I always.... I mean ALWAYS became interested or even sometimes OBSESSED with whatever my crush or boyfriend at the time was interested in. What a waste of 15 years. However I'm so glad I've become aware of this and actively have sought my wants and interest.

The fact that boys in high school were falling short of Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You" haunted me for so much longer than I care to admit.

What does the romcom have to do with finances? Welp! 1) promoting Prince Charming (pick me on steroids) 2) career women beware (or you might miss the guy) 3) loneliness is a precursor to void shopping (cue makeover montage) 4) casting is a precursor to aesthetic shopping (cue trends) 5) main character energy (every activity is about meeting someone) 6) reinforcing the financial ability of men over women and eye rolling at women who choose love over money (unless he makes glass ornaments in a small town)

The funny thing is Millennial women were not the people who wrote the most famous of those stories. I think a lot of the writers were working or had started their careers in the 80s. The time when many women were told they could "have it all."

I could never understood how Carrie Bradshaw worked as a columnist from home, never went to the office, yet had enough money to rent an amazing apartment for herself in New York and spend money on high-end shoes and clothes 😂

I am German and it’s interesting which films were defining here. For me these films were just over the top fantasies. We don’t use credit cards here. We don’t have typical malls (or just very few that were never a financial success). We don’t drive until we’re 18 and most people don’t have an own car until they’re 25. My favorite film of these was clueless. I loved Dionne‘s story and how Cher was mirrored by Tai and finally realized how toxic her behavior could be (although she was a genuinely nice girl). They never had the dream guys and the first love interests were toxic (Elton) or gay (Christian) what showed that the „true love“ is quite different from what you expect. It’s also one of the first glimpses I got of minimalism (well, a humorous version of it) when Cher realizes that she does not need the shopping and her stuff and donates tons to charity. I know, the movie gets a lot of critic because of age gap, but actually Josh is probably 19, Cher 16 what is a very normal gap here in Germany. And Josh is not the cool guy but the one who would pick up your best friend in the middle of the night. We were also totally hooked on cruel intentions (yeah, mostly because of the music). These films were so far away from our reality that we never related to them but just liked the escapism. It’s like a super hero movie. Just as I can enjoy it I don’t expect to save the world with supernatural powers tomorrow and so I don’t expect to go to the mall once a week because the female lead in a rom-com does it. But one problem also came here: normalization of toxic behavior. By ex really watched to much (anime)rom-coms and did not accept boundaries, because these movies or series picture stalking as true love and ignoring boundaries as cute because it shows how much in love you are. It was not until after we split up that I realized how much of his problematic behavior came from the media he consumed. He was also quite wealthy (well, his parents were, we were 17 and 20) and used it. There were also a few German rom-coms but we never liked them. They were for older audiences (gen x and boomers) and did not serve the purpose (escapism).

The conversation about the glorification of alcohol consumption really hit me. I always thought the mark of myself as a sophisticated adult was indulging in luxe alcoholic beverages. So imagine my disdain when I finally tasted alcohol and found out I hate the taste. Today I don’t drink simply because I don’t like it, but I always feel a sense of loss when I’m in a social situation and my friends have this developed palate for alcoholic beverages.

I watched a video yesterday that was about reassuring women that it wasn't weird to have not been in love by your thirties, essentially, and as someone in their late twenties who has barely dated, it was nice to hear, but I still just couldn't take it to heart, and still felt very sad at the end of it. Watching this video has me thinking that yeah, it probably was romcoms, not to mention teen TV shows like Gossip Girl, that really embedded the idea in me that it's already over for me. And I was (and still am, really, though it's hard to find any that aren't terrible these days) a HUGE fan of romcoms growing up, and devoured and rewatched them a lot. And receiving that message so so many times is going to be impossible to unlearn with one reassuring video or the occasional portrayal in media of someone like me. It's going to take dozens or hundreds or thousands to undo the image that I'm still holding my life against. And that, honestly, continues to be discouraging, but at least having an idea of the source of my feelings is something.

Great video. I'm a guy so romcoms aren't necessarily made for me, but I grew up in the golden age of the genre and because I had a mother who loved them I've seen A LOT of them. I've actually never been one of those guys who hates them; I can think of several that I really enjoy (While You were Sleeping might be my favorite). But when you actually analyze them as a genre it does become clear that these movies are a form of wish fulfillment, geared specifically towards women movie-goers similar to how big budget action movies can often be seen as wish fulfilment for men. An interesting difference is that while the action blockbusters can certainly promote toxic ideas and behaviors there's always the cushion that those movies aren't actually real and the audience should know that. With romcoms though, as Chelsea outlined, they're able to stretch the boundaries of reality way further. The average person seeing the movie doesn't have a media job nor do they live in NYC or LA so they don't necessarily have the frame of reference to realize most of the people in these stories are living way beyond what their actual means would be. It's also notable how in so many of these stories the woman has literally everything but true love, which implies that finding love will be the most challenging thing a young woman will ever have to do. (This isn't to say dating is easy today, it isn't) And what's more, a lot of the time what ultimately brings our lovers together is pure happenstance, which suggest that every woman just has to wait until it's "her turn" and love will just show up ready and willing. *Side-note: I could never get over You Got Mail and how we were supposed to be ok that the big corporate guy put the little small business owner out of business and then they got together and there were absolutely no unresolved tensions there. I'm convinced if the dude had been played by anybody but Tom Hanks, America's charming surrogate uncle, that movie wouldn't be remembered nearly as fondly as it is.

IMO this is why "Under the Tuscan Sun" is one of the most underrated anti-rom-com rom-coms. Starts with a woman who loses everything society values (husband, career, nice house) and leaves to start her life afresh in italy in hopes of finding love, adventure and family-all of which she ultimately gets but not in the way society conditions her to expect it.

Thank you so much for talking about the food angle: my husband LOVES 30 Rock, but I take issue with the fact that Liz Lemon is MOSTLY food motivated, yet stays incredibly thin--when the reality is that Lorne Michaels made Tina Fey the head writer of SNL but never considered putting her in front of the camera until she lost 30 pounds. With her on camera celebrity came unprecedented power.

I love romcoms but I've never watched one and thought, "Why isn't my life like this?"

As a millennial woman who grew up in backwater eastern europe in the 90s and 00s it's mindblowing to me that there are people who viewed these movies as anything more than a fairytale set in some fantasy land. Great video!

Anyone else watch Ever After and has it as a core memory? Also looking back its quite feminist for that time (definitely not perfect). I remember the whole sleepover literally cheering when Drew's character punched the evil stepsister in the face.

Between watching too many old movies that were pre-rom-com,( so more rom than com), reading too much Dickens, and being surrounded by my mom's collection of porcelain couples, I am still messed up at 60 years old! There is so much more to life than being obsessed with pairing up in order to become fulfilled. Limerence is addictive.

Okay, so as a millennial girl who LOVED romcoms and grew up in a Christian bubble community, I def need to hear more often that it’s okay to be unmarried past 30. The dark spiral around this topic is REAL. Like, to the “my life is over” spiral. And romcoms also might contribute to our high expectations of love, as well.

I went out with my friend yesterday. We had pizza do two cocktails and payed 130€ for both of us….. so it’s actually not affordable anymore to go out once a week.

I never really noticed that all these characters were so well off financially. I think as a kid I just thought it was normal and I must be poor. Even in Sweet Home Alabama she turns down her rich fiancé for her humble husband…who turns out to be a VERY successful business owner.

I'm going to defend Bridget Jones diary a bit. It was conceived as a newspaper column where the character wrote her insecurities and confided in her diary how she felt and what pressures she was feeling. The book grew from there and was intended as a homage to Pride and Prejudice. It was never intended to be a "you should aspire to be like this" film or book, just to be relatable to the audience who were reading/watching. As someone who was in the workplace in the UK when the book was written and can say it was a reasonably accurate portrayal of what life was like back then. Pressure to be coupled up before you were 30, to have a career that was heading somewhere, and to aspire to the healthiest body whilst also seeming to not have to watch what you ate or drank - but still eat and drink. The drinking culture in Britain is different to that in the US and in London most people used public transport to get to work so the after work drinking was rife. Financially Bridget was better off because she was older and had been working for 10+ years at the time of the story, would have had no tuition fees to pay off (UK universities were free back then) and came from a well-to-do but not-rich family who I'm sure would not have let her struggle too badly if things had got sticky. Looking back at any film that is 25-30 years old is going to have bits that aren't really relatable now. Although - that said I was the right age to appreciate the film because it was more of a reflection of life, if I'd been another 10-15 years younger it might be different. Don't know!

Love the long-form video essay, and LOVE the guest star! It's funny--even as an 89er myself I always considered myself pretty immune to internalizing these romcoms. Most of them I watched only because of my sister and I'm not straight, so it's not like this was the "fairy-tale ending" I was looking for. But I do remember distinctly hitting my 28th birthday, I hadn't had a serious relationship since grad school, and feeling like "welp, I think I've finally made my peace with just being single forever and dying alone." These things are insidious. My favorite romcom moment is in "The Wedding Planner" where there's a montage of JLo like, doing laundry and other perfectly normal things, and we're supposed to be sad and concerned for her.

I had to laugh though at the comment on "13 going on 30" where you say that she chooses the suburban married path instead of the career path "implying that the city career girl path is not the fulfilling one." That might be a problem in itself these days - believing (despite these rom-coms) that the career path is always better and more fulfilling than any sort of human relationship (spouses, siblings, parents, children, friends, etc...). Personally, I had no problem with the ending of this movie, but I did have a problem with "My Best Friend's Wedding", where Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) decides to quit college to get married. She was supposedly 20 years old, with a year left in her education. Why could they not wait a year before getting married? That never made sense to me. Jobs come and go, but a college education is forever (especially since she was studying architecture - something actually useful).

I always found it weird how these people could afford apartments in major metropolitan areas, go out every weekend, have designer clothes, use private transportation and barely show up to work

You’re making me want to write a story where she comes from an ACTUAL middle class life and learns the beauty of a Dollar Tree

Younger millennial here and completely relate to “The complete absence of student loans in these movies” 👏🏼 I lose so much of my pay check every month on student loans. I’m married (met my husband at 22 in university), so I live in a two income household. If I was single I wouldn’t be doing nearly as much cool stuff. And I’m middle manager level, I would have been laughing pre 2008 but the cost of living is so high now. I wouldn’t be able too afford the house I live in, the clothes I can buy, the social things I do with my friends. I would have to really scale back my lifestyle, which is only possible because of being supplemented by my husband’s income. I have single friends and they can’t afford to go out as much without putting it on a credit card and getting into debt. We all have student loans to pay and it drastically reduces disposable income.

When looking at portrayals of women, I think it would be interesting to split films into ones dominated with male writers / directors vs those with more balance. 50 shades is a great example of this, in the first movie (with female writes/directors) they actually understood what appealing shots of Christian would be, whereas after that (with male writers/directors) the “sexy” shots are super masculine activities like working out. I think this is partly to blame why the male characters are so bland in romcoms, like they asked a room full of men what women like, they all shrugged their shoulders and said “I dunno, money? What else could there be?”

I think writers are obsessed with writing scripts about writers. They are writing scripts about what they know most. So there are a ridiculous amount of movies with main characters who are journalists, authors, magazine editors, screen writers, everything. Like branch out a bit writers.

We female boomers never recovered from 1940ies until 60ies depictions of women in movies e.g. Doris Day... 🧐

I'm Gen X and was in college as rom coms were gathering steam. I remember a very lively debate in one of my classes about whether or not men and women can really be friends. (Yes, they can. 😊) And while earlier rom coms certainly had their issues, many of them at least had some good writing. The later ones were more like generic copycats. And, finally, I think Netflix and Hallmark had a hand in destroying the genre. Netflix with its awful, toxic relationship stories (and terrible writing), and Hallmark with it's dull, whitewashed, generic scripts, tropes of independent women moving back to their small town in order to make cupcakes and marry the loser boyfriend they dumped in high school, or the struggling single mom (who just happens to live in a sprawling 4-bedroom house) saved by Rich-Jerk-Who-Mends-His-Ways. And terrible writing.

At least in the Devil wears Prada, she explicitely got all the clothes free from work. They were all in tiny sizes and, in the book, stress kept her underweight.

I think that now romcoms are replaced by book smut. And it is not the same of course and people seem to be more aware of all the “rad flags” but you know what I mean. Main heroine is still mostly early 20s, unexpected and a bit naive and she meets someone who is super powerful/rich.

Romcoms normalizing heavy drinking really messed me up. I thought to be cool I needed to being drinking all of the time at work events, with friends after work, brunch on the weekends, etc. Now I recognize my alcoholism of it all and honestly, it makes it hard to hang out with friends because drinking is the activity we were taught to bond with.

I think also the death of the rom-com is similar to the challenges in modern romance novels: it's extremely hard to create realistic obstacles in todays (at least Western) society. Like, if two people fall in love these days, there's literally no insurmountable external reason that they can't be together if they really want to be. Family can be ignored or cut out completely, a difference in class/status/income can be brushed aside, people can move half-way around the world to be together, people can change jobs, etc. So they have to make the internal obstacles more and more extreme and ridiculous to make the plot make sense and have some stakes and a real narrative arc that's interesting to watch. They were really jumping the shark after a while and audiences got bored with seeing the same thing over and over again. That's why, as silly as it is, I really like How To Be Single. (It really is a bad movie, but it's kinda my guilty pleasure.) And I think The Break Up is a fabulous movie about the ending of a relationship. Those are the non-rom-coms I get a kick out of.

Another thing I hate about rom-coms is the idea that you must be so magical and special that the guy will change for you. The guy will realize what he has lost the moment you become unavailable and will change for you because ✨you're special✨ and losing you is the reason that he will change being a cheater or a man whore. This would never happen before you became unavailable or for another person. And I feel like it teaches women that men will only correct bad behavior when they are threatened to lose something valuable, which shouldn't be the case. Women do not need to be putting themselves in a position where they are constantly threatening the relationship in order to get the guy to do better. Good men should and can change because they want the best for you, them and the relationship, and we shouldn't accept or settle for less. And truthfully, they won't change their behavior when you decide to keep them, they just say that they will/have changed so you don't go. Many abusive relationships work like this, so it's a dangerous dynamic to romanticize.

My heart when Chelsea called Annie’s sweater blue 😩…it will always be cerulean 😂

I love that you brought up this topic. It's so relevant to me as a millenial woman, I can tell my life expectation were formed by movies and sitcoms like these. I still have to fight these strange expectations in me, and it's not comfortable

OK but the Twilight scene - that's the Cullen's house and their money is explained by being hundreds of years old and having someone in the family who can accurately predict the future (including the future of the stock market lol). I know the point is likely the "man must be wealthy in order to be the lead" aspect but it did make me laugh a little

Yes! I love that you included Princess Weekes in this 💕

Thank you for posting about this. I grew up watching Gilmore girls as it came out and I'm 80% sure it set me up for unrealistic expectations for relationships and caused me to put myself in situations as a young teen where I was straight up traumatized & abused and now in my thirties I'm still trying to undo my unrealistic expectations of men/relationships/interpersonal relations

My issue witch Carrie Bradshaw is not that she can afford all those shoes on a once a week column pay- my issue with her is that in almost every episode she eats cupcakes, pizza, steak, apple pie or fries and still manages to stay super thin

I’m so glad I stumbled upon this tonight. I’ve talked to my therapist about how romcoms have negatively impacted my already-negative view on relationships, especially romantic ones. The idea of stalking, deception and manipulation being the foundation for a “loving” relationship is so messed up. Thank you for validating me. Love this video essay!

New Yorker here - Renting an apartment in NYC requires 40x the rent at a minimum to qualify for a unit. $78,564 would get you an apartment for $1,963/mon at max. That's not going to cut it unless you're sharing a 1-bedroom with a partner or roommate or you're living in the armpit of NYC - The average cost of an apartment right now is over $,3500.

I love the new format, kudos Chelsea and Team TFD!

Thanks Chelsea! I rarely watch long form video essays like this but the way you present I love. As a 29 y/o male I can’t really attest to the female side of the romcom fallout, but as a millennial I would definitely say that these types of films influenced my generation tremendously whether we wanted to admit it or not. The line between reality and romedy was always blurred. Seeing as our frontal cortexes aren’t even fully formed until around 25, the expectations these movies placed upon people to “have it all together” by 30 were often a net negative. Hell, I feel like I’m just starting out and I turn 30 next month. The most captivating thing to me is how such stories permeated the culture to the point of no return as a kind of tricky and unrealistic Trojan horse 😂. Still love the Jennifer Garner one though, always will.

I feel that this is why us as millennials really gravitate to K Drama. It gives you that hit of ‘swoon’ even through cultural differences.

The point about non realistic standards is so spot on! There are so many women I know who get so depressed because they view themselves as a failure since they aren’t living the life that was portrayed on screen their whole life My best friend is a teacher, and yes there is a whole discussion about teachers being underpaid. She knew going into the field, and was told by her own teachers, that right now teaching is 100% a labor of love. She’s depressed because her salary is affording her a very modest apartment, not the sprawling home many shows depicted. So now she’s trying to find a man to help get her the life she wants..which is leading her into a non stop spiral of toxic relationships. I’m trying to kick her out of her mentality..but it really woke me up to just HOW MUCH these movies brainwashed an entire generation of women. Undoing years of brainwashing is like trying to get a loved one out of a cult!

Very few romcoms from any decade have portrayed female relationships in a realistic way. It's more relentless now than it used to be, though. That's the only difference.

It also gave no substance to real communication needed to have a long-lasting relationships, giving a false narrative that love is smooth and easy and if it’s not, it’s not right.

I just read Crazy Rich Asians and I was floored by the differences in the Peik Lin and Astrid characters. Peik Lin was very much dulled down and portrayed as “Asian Ellen” and it was interesting how it worked in the whole new story arc

Growing up when I was exposed to these rom coms and their toxic messages I would have an almost visceral reaction. Being autistic, I have always been hyper aware of what I’m exposing myself to, including media. So I avoided most of them. I was able to develop my own ideas around love and romance outside that influence, something that continues to shape who I am today.

The point about women and alcohol reminded me of Army Wives. The "wild" wife was a "raging alcoholic" but very thin. What's interesting is that she was an older woman and very thin, which is a totally different set of standards 😂

The Devil Wears Prada was one of my favorites. As a kid I admired Miranda and Emily for being career driven women, but as an adult I admire Andrea so much more. Her character development is one of the bests IMO!

I remember being obsessed with Grease as a kid. Looking back, it has a terrible message-Sandy has to totally change who she is to get the guy. But I lived with a strong independent mother and a father who loved her. That shaped my expectations more than anything else.

In Crazy Rich Asians I liked the scene of Nicks best friend delivering some home truths about his inherent privilege as the heir apparent and the real difficulties him and Rachel are going to face in being together.

You've Got Mail never sat right with me, even as a 13? 14yo. Maybe especially at that age because you are questioning things and figuring out who you are. I was like, whyyyyy does she like him?! He destroyed her livelihood!? That gorgeous little store that she worked so hard for, and she just overlooked losing it because of that smug wanker? No. Just no. I never bought it. Just imagine the festering resentment as the relationship went on 😂 Cool and normal!

Absolutely LOVE a good video essay, so pleased to see TFD making this content! 💛

As someone who her whole life dreamed of becoming a writer, SATC really did a number of my expectations for the career I chose fiscally.

How can you talk about the death of RomComs without mentioning the growth of the Hallmark Channel and the Lifetime Movie Network. They stepped in and filled the void with literally 100s of RomCom made-for-tv movies.

Oh my. Gen X was influenced heavily by romcoms as well. I'm 54 and still not over it.

Omg! Still watching but yes to How Stella Got Her Groove Back. You literally walked me through memory lane for a moment there lol

This was such a great video! So much information and so many contributing factors and ideas. At first when I saw it was almost an hour long I was like, we'll see... but it is so well done. I am loving it, thank you so much for going through all the work to create this and share these ideas!!!

Great video! I hold a lot of resentment towards my mother in particular for encouraging me to watch rom-coms when I was young. I think they are a large part of why I still struggle with an obsession with "romance" and "first love" as portrayed in those movies, which makes committing to my healthy, long-term relationship really difficult.

Engaging in an individual market option is a fair but its performance level can’t generate high dividends. Diversification is the secret to optimal performance, that’s why I have my interest set on options based on projected growth and performance.

Yes! Loving the new long form Chelsea rant, absolutely spectacular! 🖤✨️

I just want to say thank you so much for your labor solidarity! It is one of the reasons that I connect with your content so much!

I’ve been waiting for this video to drop! Thank you!

This was excellent! Looking forward to this era of TFD

Have not finished the video yet, so sorry if it comes up - the rom com has simply moved from cinemas to streaming services and explains the rise of the hallmark movies and the popularity of K-dramas which have filled the void for many.

This is a great video essay - insightful, fun, and well informed. I hope you do more!

Last time I watched a rom-com (The Holiday), it was with my bf, and we picked it apart. We talked about how they were relating to each other, what was acceptable, what was not, and the predictable ending (I must turn around and leave my life and job back home and stay with him because he made me happy cry!) Nonetheless, it was fun, but in a way that we talked and discussed what would have been the healthier ways to handle their situations, and I think it helped us understand each other more and it was a fun way to bond.

After just watching Princess Weekes's most recent delightful video, I start watching TFD's latest video and there she is again! Our cup runneth over :) Excellent video btw, some great insights.

I love rom coms and this is so true. Though am not taking any pointers from these movies and I truly hope too many people aren't since there hasn't been any research establishing a direct correlation. Like at this point it's hard to say whether life is imitating art or art is imitating life. It would be nice to have movies that are more grounded in reality, even if it's a comedic or exaggerated tone they take on it. But rom coms in their nature and their dependence on tropes means that's not happening anytime soon so I hope no one is looking at these movies for guidance.

This was powerful yet quaint. I can imagine you spot days doing research and hours stitching this all together. Do more relatable content like this please.

Chelsea this video was SO WELL DONE, can't wait for more in this new series!

Never realized how much these romcoms had fuel my own insecurities 😅 it didn’t help if you had parents who encouraged these tropes or didn’t teach you not to believe these narratives. Thank you for this video! 😊

These romcoms allow escapism. I take it all at face value and no more 😊

I really enjoy this long-form content! Great video :)

Been waiting so long for this!

Some of my favorite romantic movies are the Before Sunrise trilogy because they just feel so real, the characters just walk around talking and the conversations feel very real

A romcom which is relatively less problematic and which was from the peak romcom era is Runaway Bride. It kinda decoded the 'pick me /cool girl' behavior way before the Gone Girl monologue, and also explored how the behaviour stems from patriarchal expectations, social conditioning and deep rooted insecurities and fears. Also, the female lead is a mechanic in the movie, a departure from the cliche jobs in romcoms.

This was such an enjoyable and engaging watch, thank you so much for putting it together!

Thank you for this. I've long been unable to stomach romcoms, but never thought about why. You nailed it in this video.

Very interesting. Has a gay man. I don’t think that I received romance points the same way as women, but the idea of having an aspirational life definitely affected how I perceive what I should be doing in my 30s. The idea of “I need to make all the money so I can look successful“ is deeply entrenched in How my life functions and a lot of my decision. It’s hard not to feel pressure to “look successful“ when all the movies we watched, growing up, told me that being rich and successful, and having unlimited money was the best way to secure a romantic partner

Loved watching this all come together

That's a g r e a t analysis on the matter! But can I also just say: unbelievably beautiful color grading. As well as the view of the room and the style of the speaker! I llloved the visuals :)

I really liked this type of video. I am a long time subscriber and haven't visited this channel as often as I use to. However, this 'video essay' genre definitely captured my attention. I haven't sat and watched a RU-vid over 10 minutes in a long time. Such great quality and script!

"women should young and beautiful while men get to age and move on" She forgot the part of "men get to age and move on only if they are rich. Because only the rich guy gets any recognition"

This isn't an essay, this is your political opinions presented as fact.

i'm loving this longer format! also great topic, great video.