For all 5 of these reasons, there is only ONE WORD YOU NEED TO KNOW: “BOUNDARIES.” The most important one being, NO SEX FOR YOU, until he MARRIES you. Ladies, after the HELL he put you through, you owe it to yourself that you put this joker to the TEST. If his reasons for coming back are anything other than honorable, then the NO SEX TEST will cause him to lose heart and he’ll scurry away. The only question you should be asking him is “What’s in it for ME???” We should declare, “It’s ME-TIME!” He must do ALL of the giving, and I will do ALL of the TAKING. Until he levels up and makes the commitment and follows through, in short, until HE IS A COMPLETELY CHANGED PERSON, then he will keep using your heart like a warm, soft, fuzzy PUNCHING BAG. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. You are worth so much more than that!
@@utkuagir If every single time I gave him a hug or held his hand, he’d get all excited because he assumed it was going to lead to something that my Savior disapproves, then he’d get all angry and disappointed if it didn’t, then the answer is NO. No more holding hands. No more hugs. Especially for a man who has no self-control in that department. If he has no self-control around ME, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he probably would have even LESS self-control around EVERY OTHER WOMAN he encounters. I mean dude…how would HE feel if he handed me a few dollars, and I just grabbed his entire wallet???
@@utkuagir No, I learned the hard way. NEVER allow a man to make me split the bill. If my now-ex-boyfriend were the gentleman I thought he was, he would have NEVER left me standing there looking like a low-value tramp who has to pay for her own portion of the date that I had to be the one to ask him to take me on, because he NEVER VALUED ME, NOR MY TIME. He NEVER valued all the things l did for him, such as cook for him, clean for him, do his laundry for him, bring him his coffee, etc., etc., etc. But I thank God that I found out…NO MORE MS. NICE GIRL. If a man is seriously interested in me, then he will not be stingy about spending an extra $10 to pay for my part of the date, because he will be so intrigued by a high-value woman like me, that an extra $10 will seem like an incredible BARGAIN to him. He will not be a selfish, stingy, disrespectful middle-schooler. He will be a kind, generous, easy-going Mr. Happyman who will know exactly how to treat any LADY. Doesn’t mean he has to MARRY every woman he takes out on a date…just show her a little RESPECT!
@@cl5080 I agree with you! I’m in that situation right now but for me I’m not even in an official relationship , I stopped receiving communion (I’m Catholic) and I know God is not happy with me, I want to go back to receiving the Eucharist and I don’t know how to tell him , I want stop having sex but I don’t want to end things with him because I love him
Don’t ever take them back. Block them everywhere and make sure they can’t have any contact with you. With time, you’ll move on and realize how much of a loser he really was. It’s like the rose colored glasses turn into real glasses and you see all of his flaws.
Happened to me. My ex even admitted he thought he did the right thing by letting me go. He kept coming back, but I refused to let him in. He has since moved on and even got married, and he still regret this decision. I don’t even think he’s happy with his wife because till this day, he still keeps trying to reach out to me. Whyyy??? Dude, GTFOH!
The main reasons they come are 1) because they haven't found anything better, or they wanted to have sex with others and explore their options or to check that you are still there (ego boost, stand by option or to cover needs) which in all cases mean they didn't like you enough and definitely didn't respect you. If someone doesn't value you as enough then they are out of the picture. Also many of them want someone to cover their needs (family, household chores, social status, loneliness ). No second chances, since they have proved who they are and how they perceived you in the past.
Damn I didn't know that men think so badly like this, makes me get turned off with dating for real and have developed trust issues as a result! Rather be single and peaceful than with someone that's fake, wasting many more years of my time and just hurting me one way or another. I gave my ex at least FOUR chances... Damn, I truly thought it was the right thing to do! Because I thought all humans loved the same!
If your absent didn’t changing him and he is back being the same , it means that YOU are NOT the ONE…. Move on sis. You don’t want to be in the arms of a man that makes you wait . You want to be in the arms of a man that TAKE YOU now , LOVE YOU for ever and NEVER LEAVE YOU
This is hogwash. This pertains to women. It is women who left their men always want to come back. In my case it was two times she wanted to come back after she dumped me for another guy. I told them to sod off. If a man demanded from a woman all the things a woman demands from a man, the woman would have to plow herself to her death. Women do not belong to the human species but rather to some forgotten missing link specimen that has not developed into a full blown member of human kind.
I also feel like woman that are now more independent in today's life it can make them feel they are not good enough..always give men who pulls away or ghost a benefit of a doubt because they are under alot of pressure in today's society but if he doesn't step up after you have set your boundaries then gladly walk away..be independent thinkers and flow like water..master the art of being alone and you will not attract the wrong men. Just my point of view xoxo
@@Theblackswan55 love your channel..thank you for uploading important topics that woman are confused about as we need more guidance..men are not as simple as we all thought.
Great points. I would disagree with the last part though. In my experience it takes men, or people in general, a long time to grow and develop a different perspective. I think it’s a matter of years rather than months. IF that happens and it happens rarely. Real, tangible change and personal growth requires self awareness, humility, hard work and that takes time to all become integrated. Old habits die hard. It may look like he changed his views in a matter of months but he would likely slip back into the same old pattern. That’s my experience anyway.
Thanks for sharing your experience and you are probably true. It's extremely rare that somebody grows up in a matter of few months, though it does happen so I put it there to be fair to men who genuinely realize their mistake
I agree…I think if a man comes back after only a couple of months, it’s probably because he didn’t have many character flaws to begin with. He simply got anxious and didn’t know how to process his strong emotions, even though he is quite emotionally available. But those are the men who realize their mistake very very quickly and they return to their true loves just as soon as they realize they were just being chicken. Still… if I were the woman in that case, I would establish and maintain even tighter BOUNDARIES and make him WORK his way back into my heart. No sense dropping your guard too easily. Otherwise, you’ll end up being taken for granted again and again!
Very true, I remember a psychologist say only 2% of adult above age 21 really changes, that too only due to specific circumstances and it is up to them to change (meaning no one can do that for them)
Every girl mistakes the returning ex for reason number 5 every single time. It sounds like if you're smart, you just pretend that number 5 does not exist at all. Believing exes return because they saw the light is your bruised ego clinging to any story for a boost. I call it better to cut the ol' losses and leave the ego with the first bruise only.
I watched a ton of videos and read a ton of books on relationships and breakups, and I've never heard this perspective before. Most materials encourage you to get back with your ex if you want to + if the "no contact" period was held effectively while you worked on yourself diligently. But now I see that even when everyone took the time to work on themselves, getting back might lead to a toxic or unfulfilling relationship again. Well... that explains a lot. Lesson learned from practice and now confirmed by theory.
I think if you were the one who cut ties with him there is a better chance only if he really wanted you first. But usually they will attempt to contact you because they still want to be with you. But if he pulls away first, I would question his intentions.
This is really helping me. It's been 3 months, i haven't contacted him since the breakup and he hasn't either. It's hard to accept that after 5yrs and promising to marry me this yr he no longer loves. As the months go by without hearing a word from him I realize he left because he no longer loves and he doesn't want to be married to me. I want to contact him to get a few things off my chest. I'm absolutely gutted.
I am really sorry for what happened and I know how it feels. The best thing you can do is to go no contact and level up to get a better man than him. watch this video where I address this issue in particular ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-6gLFJwK-R50.html. Trust me I also believed I would never love anyone else and I would never find someone as good, and I was dead wrong it's almost laughable.
You just loved him for 5 years of your total years(age) , but you lived happily even before meeting him, start from there again. He's just a part of your life. Level up and may a good guy find you. Don't accept him back unless it is a divine plan.
@@IamBarati Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you break No Contact to “get a few things off my chest.” It will only make him even colder and will confirm that he made the “right decision” to break your heart. He will be unmoved by your show of emotions, and this will make you feel even worse! COMPLETELY IGNORING HIM will be the only way to TAKE BACK YOUR POWER. It’s okay to be sad, to grieve the loss of the relationship. But DO NOT ISOLATE yourself. Stay even closer to friends and family. Live your best life, and be your best and coolest self. You’ll be so glad you did, especially when the RIGHT MAN comes along.
The same thing happened to me 2 months ago…we were together 5 1/2 years. At first I wanted to meet face to face and get closure, but gradually I realized how he suddenly left me told me everything and no matter the reason, he needs to be left in my past. No response, no calls, no answering his inevitable pleas to get back together…he showed you his true colors and you must thank the universe for releasing you from what was a toxic situation for you.
Point No. 1 is quite accurate. In my experience, all of my exes have come back after a while, and it's something i still don't understand; but nevertheless, I'm someone who sees black or white, there is no medium point (at least in these matters), and someone who loves you and wants to be with you won't doubt it. I kinda live in a paradox, from one side I am great woman to be with, and from the other side I'm a confident and free woman that may intimidate. I believe a strong and secure man will not be as you've mention in this points, and it is also my duty to learn how to choose.
one of my friend got married with the men who walked away from their life a year later. The other other in 8 months later after no contact. Both are changed man. They're both happy now.
I personally believe that we are all on our own journeys and trying to confine why a man comes back to specific mindsets is flawed. You must look at your situation without the rose colored glasses. Don’t provide excuses but allow some flexibility and look at what is going on specifically with your situation.
Great. When man does this to me I definitely opened my options to other guys while he's "away". Thanks for the free blank space and eligibility he gave to me and in between those guys when I meet a right one that proved himself, serious and put me at the right position in his life, I definitely settled for this guy and dumped the original 'away' dude, because only the best man wins.
My situation is a bit different. I became friends with this guy and unexpectedly started falling for him. It felt so natural and genuine. I thought he had feelings for me too but I was too inexperienced to understand so I wont let myself believe that he did. About 7 months later, i decided to move from LA to pursue a career in healthcare but that i would be back in 3 years. I told all my friends and I could tell he didn’t want me to go but he knew that’s what i wanted. Its been 3 years and I found out he just started dating a girl in Greece but he hasn’t made it public so he doesn’t know I know. I never expected him to wait but I was still heart broken. I texted him letting him know that I wish him the best and to take care. He didn’t reply. A month later I took a planned trip with some friends from LA and I told them the good news and that I would be back in a year. I guess word got back to him because when I got home I received a friend request from him on social media (i had unfollowed him and had him unfollow me a month before I found out). He didn’t have a profile pic which is very unusual for him. Anyways, Im not upset at him but i declined. He tried again, which i declined. I feel like he ended it with his new girlfriend but I’m not going to ponder over the interpretations of his meaning. My emotional energy is worth more than that. I don’t know how it will be when i see him in person in a year but I don’t expect anything of him. I don’t see him the same. He never texted me to see how I was doing, even during the pandemic while I was working as a healthcare worker. That hurt me the most. If a guy really likes you I don’t think he wouldn’t follow up with how your doing. I love these facts about men tho. These reminders are what make us high value women. Keep it up ladies! Know your worth!
This sounds like cope. There are 2 big reasons why this happens, he either wants to have sex and just says whatever a woman wants to hear. Or he grew up and regrets acting a certain way or values something that he had with you. I think women try to make sense of the simply bad behavior of men by constructing elaborate rationale behind our behaviors but its pretty much those two things.
My bff was in a relationship for 2 years with a man who broke up with her over text claiming he wasn’t in love anymore. Several months later he comes back begging to get her back, partly because his parents were moving and he’d have nowhere to live soon. Now they’re engaged and own a house together. 🧐
I’ve fallen into trap 2. Seeing him a second time was a lesson in self respect for me. As in I need to have more of it. Also, a lesson in needing to listen to my internal voice. I kept hearing my voice. All of the way throughout round two of the relationship.
they never come back..we girls always go back to them😢...so plz make a video on what should be mindset when we decide to let go and move on..so we never go back to them
Then you're doing something wrong girl. ALL my ex's including ex fiance came back begging. I have zero tolerance and focus 💯 on me. Learn to become more selfish.
Why the guy that rejected me and ended things because of his commitment issues is often checking my stories? I don't get it. He stops check my stories on WhatsApp in February and started to watch again in April.
Noone wants a man who comes back😂 months later, not even those women who take them back... noone wants that.... nur guys don't think this way, because they don't care and it would be hurting their ego. The society is judgemental and we don't know this but have to see this video, because noone talks about this NO Go
Why do women think a quick smash is anything more than that. All the reasons are why women come back not men. The way you think isn't the way the opposite sex thinks. He just things like guys in friend zones never know might get lucky.
This guy was dating me but I had someone else. So he chooses the other woman 👠 so he was talking to me at the same time I'm glad he got caught by his new girlfriend that he has problem with new he's driving in my community to see me he miss me .so I work on myself I'm happy being single 😙
I'm going to shower you with attention and my awareness. I'm going to give you a lot of my time. I'm going to be in physical proximity to you. I'm going to touch you, hold you, cuddle you. I'm going to try to connect with you physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. I'm going to take good care of you. I'm going to care about your needs. I'm going to help you to meet your needs. I'm going to help you to survive. I'm going to shelter you from excessive suffering, fear and trauma. I'm going to have your back. I'm going to defend you and be loyal to you. I'm going to take on your agenda as my own. I'm going to make you an extension of me. I'm going to treat you as well as i would treat myself. I'm going to be happy for you when you succeed. I'm going to want for you what you most want for yourself. I'm going to sacrifice for you and work on your behalf. I'm going to support you nurture you and encourage you. I'm going to cheerlead you. I'm going to encourage your self-exploration, self-expression and self-actualization. I'm going to respect your sovereignty as a consciousness. I'm not going to try to manipulate you, control you, dominate you or exploit you. I'm going to totally accept you and never judge you. I'm going to value you for your sake and appreciate you and see your intrinsic beauty. I'm not going to need anything from you and I'm not going to make you a tool to satisfy my own needs. I'm going to respect your point of view, wanting to understand your point of view, wanting to understand you, your uniqueness, taking the time to deeply get to know you. I'm not going to force my agenda or point of view on you. I'm going to listen to you and care about your interests and share similar interests with you. I'm going to develop togetherness with you and collaborate with you. I'm going to be there for you when you're down and hopeless. I'm going to be there for you when you're lonely. I'm going to validate your feelings, sharing your emotions with you, empathizing with you. Your pain is going to be my pain. I'm going to meet you where you're at, at your developmental level. I'm going to forgive you for your mistakes. I'm going to be patient with you. I'm going to see the good in you even when you don't see the good in yourself. I'm going to be generous and kind. I'm going to give you verbal approval and praise. I'm going to compliment you on your uniqueness. I'm going to keep my promises to you. I'm going to keep my peace with you, avoid conflict with you. I'm going to tell the truth to you. You're going to be able to fully trust me and I'm never going to cash in on that trust. I'm going to see your realness, warts and shadow and all as you truly are. I'm going to deeply appreciate the finite portion of consciousness that you are and I'm going to accept your selfishness whenever you have the urge to be selfish. Now ask yourself on a scale of 0 to 10 how loved do you feel? Open Your Eyes. 😂🦘🦘🧨⁰
Number 4 is bs. If someone doesnt want you changing yourself wont make them want you more. If anything it will prove your a pushover. This channel encourages limerance a little too much. The fantasy of somone isnt love its limerance. Men who confuse love with limerance arent emotionally secure enough or intelligent to date.
I should not have taken back this guy who dumped me for not having sex just for fun. I wanted a real relationship. He came back 4 years later. I thought about giving in. He then wanted me to be into bdsm. He was into all this weird sex stuff. He is crazy. I sense he wants to come back again this time it's a no way. In a way the come back to see if you are still stupid. He is player. I'm glad I neber slept with him.
I might not speak for all guys but nope. If one of us decides to end it, it's done and I move on. No point in wasting time on a failed project. We broke up for a reason. Dudes that obsess over u after breakup prolly can't find anyone else and so they think to try again with you. Any man with experience knows this is dumb cos women get simp and player attention on sm all day every day, and she's already been with at least 2 or 3 guys since your breakup and moved on. Those dudes didn't keep her for the same reason we broke up, so it's extra dumb to try again. I'm usually the one getting hit up by exes and that's a big red flag. U telling me that outta the hundreds of dudes giving u attention on sm and the 7 guys u went out with, and the 4 guys u put out for in the 4 months since we broke up and they didn't wanna keep u either. I definitely don't want u now 🤣
You don't want her based on other people's opinion of her? Or, rather, what you think other people's opinion of her is based on one fact, without any further context . . . oh, and it's not a fact. You don't know for a fact how many people she's interacted with since you left.
@@jessthatsimmer I feel that. I've been single and not interested for a year now and have zero intentions of pursuing a relationship rn. More energy to focus on career growth.
@@rubenbarrera7338 nope. Men only love the illusion of quantities thinking they own a harem to boost the fake King ego. Happy losing the right one for the easy ones who sees multiple men behind you.
